What to do when in a relationship that we can neither tolerate nor retaliate?
Transcribed by: Rakesh Garg
Question: What to do when in a relationship that we can neither tolerate nor retaliate?
Answer: Basically, there is no set formula for relationship. Rather than seeing a relationship as frustrating, we can see the relationship as a way for us to grow in understanding as to how to deal with people, not necessarily only with this person, but also with other persons in our life. Then even if that relationship never improves, but we grow in our understanding of how to deal with people. Basically, rather than sticking to a set formula, we can think that how can I move forward.
Sometimes, we give some people too much of our mental time. That means if somebody has a scar on their body, the scar cannot go away, but if we are thinking about it all the time then it hurts even more than the scar. Similarly, in a difficult relationship if we keep thinking of that sour relationship all the time then it hurts much more.
Some time we need to conceptualize the situation – okay, this is going to be difficult, I can do what I can, but I have to just move on. It is not that easy and say in general if we can find some limb of bhakti, which we can intensify, e.g. kirtan or hearing then that will give us the inner strength by which we can find out how to deal with the situation. We try to show Krishna that we want to serve him, but do not know how as nothing seems to be working and request for his guidance.
Sometimes our mind still asks the question – why this person did like this to me? Sometimes this “why” has no answer. Rather than asking “why”, we should ask “how can I serve” or “how can I move ahead” in this situation. If we have this attitude, some way will emerge.
Srila Prabhupada rightly said that a devotee may be perplexed, but a devotee is not discouraged. Discourage means – I do not feel like doing anything. Perplex means – I do not know what to do.
To summarize, we are perplexed at times. In such situations we can just try to show Krishna our desire to serve by doing some more intense devotional activities. Then Krishna will give us the intelligence that how to move forward in this situation.
End of transcription.