​How to avoid feeling negative about people who criticize harshly?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

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So, if we are witness to a criticism and we cannot stop it from happening, and afterwards we will feel negative about the person who is criticized or a person who is criticizing? Person who is criticizing. Person who is criticizing, yeah.
Yeah, it’s, Prabhupada would say this verse is, world is samsara daavanan. Two people have their own issues and they explode when we are there. So, you know, we sort of get caught in the crossfire.
So, it is sometimes this sort of issues just happen in life. And we have to deal with it the best way we can. So, as far as judging others is concerned, now, there is two distinct things.
One is discriminating or discerning. The word discrimination often has a negative connotation. Caste discrimination, race discrimination, gender discrimination.
But discerning, you know, evaluating. And there is judging. Judging is where we put ourselves in a superior position.
And we think, you know, this is a short-term person, this is an irritable person, this is like that, this is like that. And then we, judging is undesirable. So, but discerning is something which you do all the time.
Okay, you know, if you have seen somebody explode, you understand that, okay, this person has a, maybe a little temperamental. So, I should be careful around them. Which is okay.
We all learn by observing how others behave. So, if we observe something, someone behaving in a negative way, we will become cautious while dealing with them. But we don’t have to become judgmental.
Because everyone has their ups and downs. So, sometimes even the best of people may be under so much stress that they may explode sometimes. So, we don’t let one incident shape our complete perception of that person.
And if that incident has been very negative, then maybe afterwards we can clarify with that person or clarify with somebody who knows that person well. So that we get a more balanced perception of the event. But in general, if we witness people acting in inappropriate ways, it is not that we can, you know, our memory doesn’t have a delete button by which we can forget what happened.
So, yes, that may go into the background and we may be able to forget it when the other person behaves more properly. See, the problem is, the problem is not that that person has not done something wrong or that we have seen them doing it wrong. The problem is evaluating that person based on that one incident alone.
So, if we don’t do that, this can be especially disturbing if we see some senior devotee whom we respect and they seem to be very harsh with someone. Then we might say, how can such a senior devotee live like that or whatever. Just because somebody is senior doesn’t mean that they are that means they also are human beings, they also have 24 hours, they also have their limitations.
They are trying to do a lot of things and they are often able to do things better than what we can do. But they also have their limitations. Sometimes you might just catch someone on a bad day, as they say.
So, we don’t judge people based on one negative action that they have done. Does that address the question? So, do we have time?