If having too many commitments makes us resentful what can we do?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

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So when we commit ourselves to many different services, doesn’t that commitment also lead to resentment because there is so much to do and then everything is not going to work out and when things don’t work out that causes resentment and if you have more commitment, won’t that lead to more resentment? Yes, at one level it’s possible. It all depends on what our commitment is to. In commitment, if our commitment is to a specific result then there will be lot of resentment and frustration but if our commitment is to the process, this is what I am going to do and even if the result doesn’t come, we can move on.
So for example if I am committed to doing a particular service, say if I am committed to preaching, I am going to conduct a program, get this, do this or do that. If I am committed to say distributing books, I may decide every week I will go for 4 hours for book distribution or every week I will be conducting this program, for this I will study, for this I will do follow up, whatever, it may take 4-5 hours in a week or whatever. So now, that is a commitment that is in our control.
I can do that but if I become, if I think okay, in one year I will make 10 people into devotees, that is not in our control and inability to do that can cause us frustration. So basically, rather than the results, if we focus on the process and just commit ourselves to the process, then sometimes having a lot of commitments helps us avoid resentment also because when something doesn’t work out, the mind just obsesses over it but then if we have other things which we are committed to do and we have to do them, then the mind doesn’t get too much time to obsess over those things. So, actually in more or less many surveys I have found that most of the times people get into anxiety or people have anxiety actually in the times of leisure.
When people are in their offices, they are doing their work, they don’t get so much of nervous breakdown. Sometimes they do, but but after they come back home and they are supposed to be, that is the time when they want to relax. But instead of relaxing, they are having a drive at that time and that’s when they become subjected to anxiety attacks.
So, it’s good to be busy and commitments give us a structure for keeping ourselves busy. But I would say what is the difference between commitment and attachment? My understanding would be the difference is primarily in terms of the object. Attachment is to a particular result whereas commitment is a process.
So, if I am committed if I am attached to someone, then that means whatever that person will tell me I will do that. Often they may force me to do things which are bad for me, bad for them also. Just like Dhritarashtra was attached to Duryodhana.
He mostly passively and sometimes actively colluded with Duryodhana in his evil schemes. On the other hand, Vidura was committed to Dhritarashtra. So, even Vidura faced frustration because again and again he was giving good advice to Dhritarashtra but Dhritarashtra was not listening.
And at one particular point, Vidura realized that Dhritarashtra is just not going to hear. So, he knew that Dhritarashtra would have to learn in the school of hard knocks. So, Vidura just left Dhritarashtra and went to a forest.
And when he eventually came back, he came at a time when Dhritarashtra was more receptive. So, his commitment he expressed in different ways at different times. In some situations, he just spoke, spoke, spoke trying to give him good advice.
Other times, he just left him. And he focused on other things at that time. So, in that sense, if through a particular commitment, we are going towards a lot of resentment, then we may have to re-evaluate what it is that we are committed to.
And then, we may have to make some adjustments in our understanding or even in our actions. And broadly speaking, we have to find out what is the level of commitment that brings out the best within us. So, it is again a matter of individual introspection and realization.
It is like if I am capable of lifting 10 kg weights, I can lift 11. But if I try to lift 25, I will be crushed. So, like that, we can take commitments which are according to our capacity or just little above our capacity.
If we take commitments which are way beyond our capacity, that will make us feel crushed. That will cause us resentment. But if we are taking commitments which are within our capacity or within our stretching capacity, we could say, then those commitments will actually bring out the best within us.
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