Gita 11.42 Intimacy comes not by formality or informality but by affinity

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Bhagavad Gita 11.42 so for the sake of joking I spoke inappropriately while we were relaxing we were lying down while we were eating together while we were alone or otherwise in the presence of others O infallible Lord for all that I seek your forgiveness O Lord you are immeasurable so here there are two words used to glorify glorify Krishna to underscore his supreme position they are Achyuta and Aprameya so it is said that O Lord you are immeasurable you are great you are so great that your greatness cannot be fathomed that is Arjuna has earlier expressed this sentiment when he says so cannot figure out where is your where is your beginning where is your middle where is your end in that sense you are immeasurable O Lord but further what is stressed over here is that actually O Lord you are the supreme you are you are just so great how can I think even there is no comparison itself to be done over here between you and me you are so great that the attempt to compare itself is fallacious thus he declares that O Lord please forgive me Achyuta so one is you are immeasurably great there is no comparison between us the other is yes undeniably by joking with you by and it was not just sometimes there are jokes in which we just quote some humorous incident from some where but sometimes we make jokes where the other person is the target of the joke we make jokes at the expense of the other person now of course sometimes among intimate friends that might be fine but at other times such jokes at the expense of the other person can be very hurting and later on the person will say no I should not have spoken like that so Arjuna is saying over here that you know Krishna I should not have spoken like that Krishna am I etam please forgive me and it's one thing to joke at another person's expense when that person alone is present but when to joke at someone's expense when others are also present that can be very disrespectful and of course Arjuna's purpose was not to disrespect Krishna it meant their friends but it was just the intimacy of the friendship Artha is purpose it's for laughing just to make some laughs I spoke something I did something which was not proper this itself indicates the extent of the intimacy that Krishna that Arjuna enjoyed with Krishna that they used to just relax together they used to lie on bed near each other and chit chat long time into the hours long hours into the night they would eat together they would sit close by and talk with each other they were always together so when they were living like this at that time there is this intimacy and that intimacy becomes at one level some kind of explanation for why Arjuna took the liberty that he did take Krishna we had such a close relationship intimate relationship that I spoke like this so it were jokes and I should not have made those jokes so in general if there has to be any humor it is better to have self-deprecating humor not other deprecating humor so self-deprecating humor means we laugh at our own expense not at the expense of other people we laugh thinking oh I am such a fool I should not have thought like this I should not just see how foolish I was I did something like this self-deprecating humor reflects humility and it is harmless generally speaking and actually it can endure people to us it can endure us to people because people see this person is not stuck up this person is not pompous this person doesn't put oneself on the high pedestal this person is ready to joke about oneself vichavahasartham asatkratosi viharasayasana bhujaneshu so what happens is in all these times Krishna speaks Arjuna speaks and I spoke intimately so now here when we are talking with people there are two extremes there is too much formality and there is too much informality sometimes we feel intimacy naturally leads to informality I don't have to have so much formality because we are so close to each other yes we may be close to someone but closeness there is a tendency in the material world for familiarity to breed contempt and if familiarity is not to breed contempt then there has to be caution and that caution need not be paranoia that caution need not be in the form of being constantly fearful and the formality doesn't have to create a distance and informality doesn't necessarily bring intimacy what actually brings intimacy brings proximity is the similarity in thinking is the like mindedness first of all there has to be some basic like mindedness and beyond that there has to be the willingness to open one's mind to understand the other person's perspective when these two things are there then the combination of these two things can ensure that whatever happens we can actually move closer to Krishna through those things rather than getting carried away by rather than getting disturbed by the problems that we may face in life we can actually share our hearts and come closer to each other so no matter how close we may feel we are to the other person but still they are distinct individuals in their own right and we do not have a right to take them cheaply so how best we can maintain an appreciation for the other person that will vary based on the nature of the relationship the kind of personality that we have the kind of personality that the other person has but the important thing is that we have to find some area of affinity area of similarity of like mindedness and keep ourselves keep that as the centerpiece of our relationship when we have that similarity that affinity as a centerpiece of our relationship then we can after considering individual psychology individual nature we can decide how best to deal with each other in that relationship and when both people feel that there is mutual respect for each other then even if there is some inappropriate dealings that won't affect so much but when there is a fundamental question of the presence or absence of respect then it becomes a big problem therefore what we should do is focus on being like minded and situating ourselves on the platform of like mindedness from which we will move onwards in our spiritual journey in our mutual relationship and ultimately in our evolution towards Krishna.