Can the desire for subtle sex – pride adoration distinction – be dovetailed in bhakti?
So, when I talked about name flame glories, subtle sex, what are the different kinds? Actually, yes, there is basically gross sex or physical sex, and then subtle sex is a puja labh pratishtha, is a pride, adoration, distinction. So, can everything be dovetailed in bhakti? There is, basically, there is a pastime of Prabhupada. There is one devotee, Pankajang Ripa often tells this pastime that, that this devotee was doing kirtans.
And he was a very good kirtanier, playing brudanga and doing kirtans. And then once Prabhupada came to him. And Prabhupada just had come for darshan over there.
Prabhupada passed and said, your kirtan is very nice. And for a devotee, this is the ultimate compliment. Spiritual mass is complimenting you for your kirtan.
He thought that, you know, I have got, let me confess my heart to Srila Prabhupada. He said that, Prabhupada, sometimes I feel proud. And then Prabhupada just patted him on the head.
What's wrong with that? I went away. He said, what's wrong with that? So, pride, isn't there a lot wrong with pride? How can we say that? What's wrong with that? So, now the point is, certainly if you read Prabhupada's books, you will know that there is a lot wrong with pride. But the point which is to be stressed is that, actually, every anartha has to be worked out.
It has to be purified. So, and there is a process for purification. The process for purification is the practice of bhakti.
So, when we all need a certain sense of identity, we all want to feel that, yes, I am doing some contribution. I am doing something. I am someone.
And we are parts of Krishna. So, we are individuals. So, in a sense, it's natural.
So, what happens is that, if the anartha of pride is there in the heart, and it's not a matter of if, it is there in everyone. It is there in everyone. So, that pride will want us, will make us do things through which we will get some fame, through which we will get some honor, through which we will get some praise.
Now, if we do something in the devotee community to get that praise, to get that fame, then what is going to happen is, we will be doing some devotional activity. If we don't do that, the desire for fame and prestige will take us to the non-devotee community. And we will seek a name, position, prestige over there.
And to get respect in the non-devotee community, we have to do non-devotional activities. So, the pride itself is never going to go away just by wishing it away. The pride has to be worked away.
So, when we do devotional activities, there is a possibility that, I do the devotional activity only for getting the fame. And then, I am not thinking about Krishna at all. I am thinking about how many people are praising me for what I am doing.
So, bhakti can be very subtle. Say that, before I was introduced to bhakti, I had a desire to be a public speaker. And then I started practicing bhakti, I started speaking.
And initially, when I started speaking, my definition of success of a class was, after the class, how many people come and appreciate. And I would prepare the class thinking, you know, today this person will appreciate, this person will appreciate. And one day, I gave a very good class.
I thought I gave a very good class. I don't know whether the class was good. I thought it was very well organized.
This point, this point, this point, very nice. And I was very, before giving the class, I was very absorbed. While giving the class, I was very absorbed.
But after the class, no one came and appreciated. And then, initially, I was feeling very disappointed, very frustrated. But then it struck me, actually, you know, while giving the class, I was thinking about Krishna and I was absorbed, I was happy.
But after speaking in the class, I'm dissatisfied. So, if I compare, relatively speaking, the amount of time I focused on preparing for the class, the amount of time I spoke the class, and the amount of time somebody will praise me for the class. I felt that actually, if all that time I had been thinking about Krishna, I would have been purified, I would have been absorbed.
So, I just realized, what am I doing? It's not that I'm free from the desire for praise, but it's just that, you know, that from praise, the pleasure that will come is so little. From absorption in Krishna, the pleasure that is going to come is so much greater. Now, if I had not spoken about Krishna only, I would never have got this realization.
So, if we have certain talents or certain abilities, we need to use them in Krishna's service. Although there is a danger of pride becoming expressed because while doing that service. But the thing is that we sometimes say, if I do this service nicely, I'll become proud.
We may feel like that. But it is not that by doing that service, we will become proud. Because when we say that by doing this service, we will become proud, that means we are assuming that I am not proud right now.
Actually, pride is already there right now. The only thing is, right now, I don't have any reason for expressing my pride. When I do something, something special, then I have reason to express the pride.
So, if I don't do anything special, it is not that I don't have pride. The pride is still there. And then what will happen? Because the pride is there, it will come off in an ugly form as envy.
So, if somebody else speaks nicely and then others praise that devotee, he gives such a nice class, he's just a show-off, you know. So, he shows his learning to everyone. So, how do I know? Am I in his heart to know whether he's showing off his learning or not? It's actually, so what has happened, my pride is now coming off as envy towards that person.
But so, if we have certain ability, certain talent, we just do a service to Krishna and if we are doing sadhana bhakti nicely, if we are studying scripture nicely, associating with devotees, then even if there is pride which comes up, you will realize this pride actually, it doesn't give enough satisfaction. It is just not worth it. The Gopi Gita, it is said that nija-jana-smaya-bhamsana-smita that Krishna's smile destroys the pride of his devotees.
What does that mean? That means that when we practice bhakti, yes, we may become proud, I am doing such a nice bhakti, but through the practice of bhakti, we connect with Krishna also. We see Krishna, we behold Krishna. Right now, beholding Krishna's beauty, there is so much joy in that.
What is this pride now? What am I getting out of this? Just let me forget it. So it is still always a battle. It's still always a struggle to fight against pride.
But the central point of the fight against pride also is not that just being paranoid about pride and not doing anything. We do our services and try to keep focusing on Krishna anyway. So the cure for pride is not separation of talent.
The cure for pride is purification of intent. I keep doing the service. Initially, when I give a class, initially when I sing, I am looking at how many people are going to praise me, how many people are appreciating.
But after some time, I realize, okay, I am speaking about Krishna. Let me focus on Krishna. I am singing about Krishna.
Let me focus on Krishna. And in that way, we become… Gradually, the desire for pride gets replaced by the desire to connect with Krishna and absorb, become absorbed in Krishna. Does it answer your question? Yes, ma'am.
Okay. Okay, last question.