Focus on the best in the past be present in the present and shape the future

[Evening program at Grand Rapids, USA]

Hare Krishna thank all of you for coming here today evening and we will talk on the topic of understanding our past present and future through our mind we all live in a very unusual setting in the sense that the future matters to us, all of us at the same time the future is often unclear, we don't know what the future holds the past matters to us the past is unchangeable the future is to some extent unknowable the past is unchangeable and yet both the past and the future affect us so I talk about how the past, present and future intersect and the locus of the intersection is our mind and the Bhagavad Gita explains that the mind is a subtle material energy it is the interface between the body and the soul this means that just like if I have a computer in which the software is the intersection point between the user and the hardware if I get a brand new computer but it has no software uploaded on it the hardware will practically be of no use to me the software is the essential interface between the user and the hardware like that the mind is the essential interface for us between us and the body and the world around us in the 15th chapter of the Bhagavad Gita in the 9th verse Krishna states it says that the five senses ears there is a chotram chakshu chotram chakshu sparshanam that is the sense of touch rasanam granamevacham rasanam is the tongue granam is the smelling faculty all these are all centred around the mind just like the five fingers of a hand are centred around the palm all these senses are centred around the mind and the soul functions through the mind and the soul is going to preside over the set up made of the five senses centred around the mind and we pursue various material things in this world with the set up of the senses in the mind now the mind is a continuous example of the software out of the same so the mind is mind is the reservoir of impressions like if I am using a computer say if I use the software I use a browser and I say visit a particular website say NY Times to read the newspaper articles over there now if I keep using that as soon as I type the N so immediately the browser will auto complete NY Times so now this means that if somebody comes to my computer and types in some keywords over there some letters they can get some idea of how I have used my computer so similarly the mind is the indicator of the past the impeller of the present and the initiator of the future I will explain these three things the mind is the indicator of the past so just as the computer browser whatever it auto completes indicates how I have used my computer in the past now in a computer browser we can just have one command say delete history and all the history can be deleted but even if we delete the history there are some settings which are stored in preferences bookmarks are there they will not get deleted even if we delete them associated with our gmail id itself our mail id itself some preferences might be same even if we change our mail id there are certain things like google which store all the data and they can track it privacy is a major concern nowadays online so whereas it may appear like deleting history and deleting preferences is easier on a computer but in the mind there is no such delete button every single thing that we do it gets impressed now of course the extent of the impression depends on the intensity of the emotion so if we just go to some place just look at things nothing registers within us then that doesn't cause much of an impression how much a thing impresses on our mind depends on how much we were emotionally involved in it what was the magnitude the intensity of the emotion with which we were involved so for example say an Indian comes to America and they go to a go to a college and there everybody is manic about baseball and they go to a baseball match because there is nothing a thing inside no impressions of baseball practically speaking so then even if there is a perception of baseball, there is no reaction maybe the only reaction is bewilderment, what are these people so worked up about isn't it so what happens, just now somebody else looking at them there is no reaction to baseball probably this person doesn't know anything about baseball but just by seeing the present response of that person, that is the indicator of the past, this person has no information about baseball on the other hand say if an Indian is manic about cricket and suddenly they find a place where cricket is being played and they go there, they feel I have come back home now so there is delight over there so emotional response comes up because there are impressions so see the present so the mind is the indicator of the past so whatever emotions we feel right now whatever responses we have with respect to certain situations they indicate what we have gone through in the past now there were psychologists like Sigmund Freud who had the idea of psychotherapy and their idea was that if people have any disturbances now they are fearful they have some phobias or whatever it is then there must be something wrong in their childhood which is called the stimuli and they try to go back to the past and identify the causes which have led to present psychological issues now there are many cases when people have very good childhood backgrounds say there have been cases where people have suffered from hydrophobia they didn't live anywhere near the sea they never saw anyone in danger anyone drowning parents had no fear of water their siblings had no fear of water and then through Freudian psychology, psychotherapy is called, psychotherapy is trying to treat people at the level of the mind so they try to go back and see they find nothing at the childhood level that is wrong and then they come to the mid-sent what is causing this problem so some psychologists at one particular time they are tracing, remember your childhood remember when you were 5 remember when you were 4 remember when you were 3 and they are taking up in the past and they are suddenly there so a person says I remember I have a 35 year old youth and I have fallen into a fallen out of a ship into a ocean, I am crying and nobody is paying attention nobody has noticed that I have fallen and these people they just get worked up with enormous emotions say I drowned at that time and now around the 18th, 19th century early part of the 20th century when this sort of reports were coming people were bewildered what is this going on but then it struck them that maybe these people are remembering past lives and these people they are remembering their past lives and based on their past lives they are having these issues now so there are researchers there are well acclaimed Ivy League professors and therapists like Brian Weiss he has specialised in hypnotic regression into past lives and he is focused on regression therapy for example a person has hydrophobia and then you take them to the previous life and then they really oh this is what happened, I drowned at that time but this is what is causing my fear but that event is over, I am going so basically when people trace their cause, understand their cause and see that now that cause no longer influences them and substantially people's fears go down so hypnotic regression has into past lives has on many occasions been successful in treating people of phobias of fears which were not treatable by either normal physiological means by pharmacological means by taking medicines or even by normal psychotherapy where they regress till the point of till start of this life so on one hand the benefits of such hypnotic regression into past lives have been well documented on the other hand there are critics of this approach say does this really indicate a past life because hypnosis is basically an art and somebody learns hypnosis basically you can get the other person to think the way we want them to and then in the hypnotic stage if someone remembers something is that a recollection or is that simply imagination based on the suggestion the hypnotic regressor what do you remember from your past life what do you remember before your birth intentionally or unintentionally the regressor may drop some hints and then those suggestions may fuel the imagination the authenticity of the recollections during hypnotic regression have been questioned now I have written a book on demystifying reincarnation where I have mentioned a few cases now how can we know whether these cases are authentic or not one way could be that if they can authentically they can describe accurate knowledge I describe accurate knowledge as something that happened to someone somewhere usually in hypnotic regression people may remember lives 11th century, 15th century 16th century and there is no historical record available sometimes they remember recent lives but most of the time lives are far away so Joel Whitten in his book Life Between Life he talks about one man named Harold and in hypnotic regression he identified himself as a viking warrior and he started writing something down and when he actually was asked it just made no sense so another time he was in recreation again he wrote something down it seemed to be gibberish fine scribble properly written scribble and Joel Whitten consulted a philologist people who study languages and he found that he as Harold had written number of coherent grammatical sentences in two languages one used by the vikings and another used by arabians and both these languages have been extinct for the last 800 years one language is extinct for the last 800 years other language was a language called Sassanid Pahlavi which existed between around the 2nd century to the 6th century so it has been extinct for 15 centuries now only about less than half a dozen people know these languages all over the world and they are language specialists who have studied the scripts whatever available from various places Harold was just an ordinary human being who had no interest in ancient languages who had no contact with any of these language specialists and who himself could not replicate in normal awake state what he had written he couldn't even recognise what he had written he thought it was gibberish but when Joel Whitten showed it to experts he thought he had written coherent sentences so this is called as xenography xeno is foreign, graphy is writing so writing in a foreign language which one normally has no knowledge of so there is no normal way in which he could have known this now again with respect to recollections somebody just remembers something it's very difficult to know what is the authenticity of the epitome but if there is a written concrete proof this is what was written then everything becomes much more authentic because it's tangible verifiable, observable evidence so there are cases like this of people writing in foreign languages people speaking in foreign languages which they had no contact with in these lives and this is not just a foreign language this is an extinct language so again what is the most logical explanation for this is Harold is a soul and he lived 1500 years ago at a time when that language was spoken and now he has got now when under hypnotic regression he is taken to the past when his normal conscious memory is conscious conscious mind whatever you want to say his conscious faculty is not so active that whatever is deep within the memory that gets activated and so in a past life he had learned this and now he is repeating this he is speaking based on this so our point is that in the mind a lot is stored psychologists talk about the concept of conscious mind and subconscious mind so right now I am speaking something so I am conscious of whatever I am speaking you are hearing something you are conscious of what is being spoken over here what you are hearing this whatever is there in our conscious mind is like what is displayed on the monitor of our computer now in the computer there may be gigabytes of data out of which only a fraction is there on the screen like that the conscious mind contains only a tiny fraction of what is there in the subconscious mind and sometimes we ourselves put so much data in our computer and look through some folder where did this file come from we don't even remember when we put that file over there so like that there is much if we start searching in our computer we find many files which we can't trace similarly in our mind also there is a lot which we can't figure out now where it came from some of it came from this life some of it came from previous lives but the state of our mind presently now with respect to a computer normally whichever files we open they open up in our mind also we direct our thoughts in a particular direction we read something we watch something we travel somewhere that's where our thoughts go that's what we focus on but within the mind unlike a computer in a computer files don't open up automatically but sometimes in our mind things open up automatically it's like say we are searching one thing in a computer and there may be 10 different files or 50 different files open up which are related to that search parameter so like that we see one thing we hear one thing and that one stimulus triggers the set of memories so our present whatever is there in our conscious mind and especially what is triggered by what we are perceiving that is an indicator of the past so what we have been where we have been that is indicated by the present especially stimulus response sequence so now some of us may have come from backgrounds which have scarred us maybe we had a difficult childhood maybe some of us especially in the western world and especially in India most people come from the parenting responsibility taken very seriously by Indians and relatively speaking most people come from relatively protected background in the western world especially many people come from very scarred backgrounds so now we have no control over the past we can't select our past but we can select our memories we can't select our past but we can select our memories that means in the past what is it that we remember what is that we recollect consciously what is that we focus on we can choose that and just as if in a computer we are searching something the computer is well designed then whichever are the items we have recently accessed they come first and those we have not accessed they go far back like that we may have some unpleasant memories but if we replay them again and again they become prominent they become dominant and they may choke us in the present but even in our past even if it has some negative things in it negative things can be either in terms of sad or painful memories or negative things can also be in terms of unhealthy desires, unhealthy cravings some of us may have got into some unhealthy habits and that's why certain stimuli may trigger something in our mind now if we recollect it more and more that impression becomes stronger it stays in the foreground and it comes again and again so we we can't we have no control over our past our present mind state indicates our past but what we can do is we can select our memories we can decide which memories we can focus on I will come back to this point a little later once again now let's focus on the present the mind is essential for any perception Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita says the mind is also a sense Indriyana Manascha means among the senses I am the mind in 15.7 he says the soul is caught in this middle of the world struggling with the six senses which include the mind the five senses we discussed the eyes, the ears, the nose, the tongue and the skin the five knowledge acquiring senses and the sixth is the mind in fact the mind is considered not just a sense it is considered the most important sense why? because normally we use the word senses to refer to the tools which give us access to the outer world just like here there is a window with this window we can see what is there outside otherwise this basement is a closed place so like that we are inside this body and we have these five windows to the outer world eyes, the ears, the nose now through these windows we can look outside and we can observe and maybe make sense of what we observe however the mind is in between as I said the software, the hardware and the user now sometimes the hardware may give some signals, say for example if we have a computerised security system in our home and say somebody else, again authorised entry now the computer's hardware system may set off a signal may come up but if the software has been sabotaged whoever is breaking the law they hack the software then we don't get any signal although the hardware will be active when the software is hacked then the hardware does not lead to a signal coming out to the user so like that sometimes the mind which is the software in between so externally we are seeing something we are hearing something the eyes are seeing it, the ears are hearing it but the way perception happens is the soul the mind and the sense they have to be three in one line now if the mind is elsewhere when we often hear classes often during the classes our mind goes for some walks here and there sitting physically mind goes to my job my friends, my relatives my this, my that and then if suddenly in the class there is a joke I want to laugh also the mind says what happened, tell me the mind rushes back so we may be there in the class but our ears are there but we don't hear why? because among these three for perception to happen the senses, the mind and the soul all three have to be in the same line focussing, but the mind is off so we say some people are absent minded absent minded doesn't mean that the mind is absent the mind is always there but the mind is absent from where we are so when that happens perception doesn't take place so now with respect to the present the present is the only thing that is there in our control the past is history, it is unchanging the future is mystery, it is unknowable but the present is what we have and the present is what we can do something about now for doing that we need to be present in the present we need to be aware of what is happening in the present otherwise we may be present in the past thinking of this happened that happened or we may be present in the future, what may happen what will happen, worry about that so now to be present in the present is vitally important for us to tap the power of the present the present is the active intersection point between the past and the future now when we are aware of the power of the present there are many books written about how we be here now there are books like that which talk about live in the present now it is good advice however it is not easy to implement this advice you see I should be in the present but when the mind slips off we just don't know we want to focus, sometimes the mother tells the child sit here and study and the mother starts doing some work, where did the child go? disappeared so the child is restless Krishna uses the word the adjective an adjective that is used to describe children is chanchala restless and Krishna uses the same adjective to describe the mind the Bhagavad Gita uses that adjective both Krishna and Arjuna both use chanchala chanchala it's restless so because of the restlessness the mind doesn't focus on the present it goes to the past and when it goes to the past the mind laments oh this went wrong, that went wrong why did this happen, why did that happen or it goes to the future and it worries about the future what if this goes wrong, what if that goes wrong so now when the mind goes to the past and it resents the past why did this happen, why did that happen now often the resentment of reality hurts more than reality resentment of reality hurts more than reality say we had gone for some party, some social event and we greeted someone and that person just snubbed us I feel angry how dare and the snubbing happens in maybe 10 seconds or maybe for the next 10 hours we are seething with anger envisioning revenge fantasies I am going to get back in public in front of everyone now the resentment the event of snubbing happens in 10 seconds but my resentment of that hurts me much more than the event itself so quite often we feel I have this problem I have that problem, my life is full of so much trouble but if you look at it much of the trouble is borrowed trouble normally we will borrow money we will borrow something which is good for us which we feel we need for doing something important no normally who will borrow borrow trouble from anyone but actually we borrow trouble from the past when the mind is uncontrolled and instead of using the present for doing something constructive the mind goes into the past and just vegetates on the past why did this happen, why did that happen so in this way the mind gets dissipated our present gets dissipated or sometimes the mind goes to the future what if that goes wrong, what if this happens what if that happens worry is the interest we pay on loans we haven't yet taken worry is the interest we pay on loans we haven't yet taken so most of the things we worry about they hardly ever happen and yet we agonise so much over them whereas no one would pay interest on loans they are not taken but unfortunately we end up doing that now it is good to prepare for the future but preparing for the future is different from worrying about the future I will come to this point again a little later but let's talk about the future now the mind is the indicator of the past the mind is the impeller in the present now whatever I do I need the mind as the via medium unless the mind is there it is the agent through which I act if the mind is not there I cannot act in the present now whatever is going to happen in the future we all want a bright future we all want better things for ourselves in future now the future will be bright only when we brighten the present there is no way automatically the future will become bright now it is possible that we are going through a bad phase in life just now in future there will be a better phase that is fine but even when there is a better phase whether we will tap that better phase in our life or not that depends on how much we are able to function constructively so if we are to tap the future also when it is good for us that will depend on our capacity to tap the present because the future will one day become the present and how we use it is important sometimes life gives us many opportunities sometimes life gives us few opportunities but all opportunities are to be tapped in the present and if our mind is distracted then we can't tap the opportunities so we feel I am going through a bad phase and I can't do anything but even in that bad phase if we learn to focus on the present use whatever little capacity we have whatever little room we have then in the future whatever situation will come even if we get a better opportunity we will be able to deal with it so most of you have seen tennis matches now in tennis match sometimes the player serves and sometimes the player returns now when the player is serving they have much more control they can serve to the left extreme the right extreme, right into the body of the opposite player they have much more control when they are returning they have very little control now wherever the ball comes that is where they have to be they have to return from there sometimes the player is strong on the forehand but the server serves on the backhand they have to somehow get the ball back into the play now if a person who is returning starts playing as if they are serving what will happen a server can hit the ball wherever they want but if they can swing their racket accordingly and hit the ball wherever they want if the receiver starts swinging the racket wherever they want he will miss the ball completely so just as in a tennis match the player has to modulate their game accordingly whether they are serving or they are receiving sometimes in life life puts us in a situation where sometimes we are serving and sometimes we are returning that means sometimes we have lot of initiative, lot of power, lot of control I can do this, I can do that we have options open for us but sometimes life puts us in very constrained circumstances where the capacity to choose becomes very limited sometimes we have options now I have finished this project I can go and do this project, this project, this project we may have options sometimes we are put in a tight time schedule with a very demanding boss with uncooperative colleagues when that happens we are in a constrained situation so now a lot of the dissipation of our energy happens when we don't understand what role we are in when we are in the role of receiving and we are frustrated why I don't have the freedom of serving this is the time when you are serving, when you are receiving just do what you can when the player is receiving the main thing to do is get the ball back into the court just get the ball back into the court keep the ball in play and eventually the opportunity will come to hit a more aggressive shot so like that sometimes we go in life in phases where we just can barely play do something, keep moving or sometimes life may scar a player the opposite player is a very good server and this player can barely get the ball into the play and they get so discouraged that even when they have the opportunity to serve they don't serve properly sometimes life gives us more opportunity for initiative but in the past we have had such difficulties that we are scarred by that we are scared by that and we don't take the initiative so when we are serving if at that time we exhibit the passivity or just the just merely the responsivity of receiving we won't be able to move forward so what happens now we are in the present and we come from a past to the present so based on the past we may have been in different situations and the present may be a different situation but if you don't understand if you let the past scar us and it restricts our response in the present then we can't function we lose the opportunity to function effectively same way with respect to the future when you talk about the future the future is something which is not in our control but whatever we do in the present will shape the future and the Bhagavad Gita talks about the principle of karma which explains that now whatever is not in our control whatever is happening to us sometimes we go through good phases sometimes we go through bad phases these are shaped by destiny destiny is simply the stockpile of our karma which we have done and some of it is returning to us so bad is just as sometimes the weather is good and sometimes the weather is bad by destiny sometimes the conditions that we are in are good sometimes the conditions are bad but still we always have the capacity to make choices sometimes bigger choices sometimes smaller choices so if we make the choices right now properly then we can move forward more confidently so now with this analysis of the mind I will come to the concluding part where I will talk about how the process of Bhakti Yoga empowers us to manage the mind effectively when it comes to the past as I said we can't we can't select our past but we can select our memories the whole process of Bhakti Yoga is not just going to a temple and offering some prayers that's fine doing it is much better than living materialistic atheistic lives Bhakti Yoga is centred on creating a rich reservoir of devotional memories when you go to a temple when you go to a kirtan when you go to a holy place when you go to a satsang these are the times if we take in the stimuli over there that these will become memories in us and these memories will pacify us these memories will strengthen us these memories will purify us and they will purge whatever negative memories we may have so we can select our memories select our memories means that we can create new memories for ourselves so Bhakti Yoga is a process of creating new memories for ourselves and thus the unpleasant memories whatever they may be there they get pushed further and further into the background and they get lost into antiquity afterwards along with that with respect to the present now we understand in the past bad things have happened and it is not that when you become spiritual it is not that we have to imagine that bad things are good no bad things are bad some people make a summary of the Bhagavad Gita and that they say now I have read the Gita hundreds of times I have never found any words which come anywhere close to this you know it is not that when Draupadi is dishonoured it is not that Krishna goes and tells her no sometimes bad things happen in life now it is not that everything that happens is good but everything that happens can be for good now Krishna is so expert that he can bring good even out of the bad there are bad things that do happen but from the bad Krishna can bring out the good so when we look at the past the past may have scarred us but Krishna can use the scars of the past for bringing out good for us in present and in the future so by knowing that the past is over by knowing that Krishna can use that past and use that past to bring out good for us we can come to peace in the past what has happened is happened in the Mahabharata there is an example of how when Arjuna had gone to the heavens now Urvashi became attracted to him and she propositioned to him now Arjuna he saw Urvashi as as the wife of his ancestor Pururava and he said I cannot consort with you and she was infuriated she was Apsara and people would fall at her feet, fall for her she herself offered herself and when she was refused he was infuriated and she cursed Arjuna she said you have no manliness so you will lose your manliness Arjuna was shocked at that time he was simply trying to act in a cultural and moral way according to his understanding he was cursed for that but Indra who is in one way the father of Arjuna they are told him that there is a higher plan over here and what happened he told him that this curse will not be permanent you will get this curse for a finite time and you can choose when this curse comes upon you and later on the Pandavas had to live in Adhyatmas at that time Arjuna acted as a eunuch and he was able to act like that because during that one year he chose to have that curse at home so otherwise the Pandavas are so well known people especially Arjuna was so well known that for them to have stayed incognito was nearly impossible and in fact the Pandavas Duryodhana he had put this condition of 12 plus 1 years so that one year incognito because he was sure that the Pandavas will never be able to stay incognito and the condition was that if you are caught and detected then again 12 plus 1 years and like that he was thinking I will keep them in exile forever so what happened was Krishna arranged something went bad for him and he was cursed but through that curse Krishna arranged for good to come out so they were able to stay incognito because Arjuna could act like a eunuch and nobody thought of Arjuna was the embodiment of masculinity virility, heroism nobody thought of looking for him in that kind of country so that's how even when the bad things happen we get cursed sometimes we try to do good thing and we get reviled for that but we should know that from the bad also good can come out so Krishna can bring the good out of the bad, that way we can come to rest with whatever past is there I don't know how the good will come out but the past is over, I will not give it any more power over me see for us to free ourselves from the past, the mind, the impressions are there in the mind now what we need to do is we need to come in the presence of some power greater than the power of the mind and that power is the power of Krishna mind has tremendous power, it can drag us here it can drag us there it can take us anywhere but Krishna's power is far greater so a person may be a child may be running very fast but the child suddenly comes to a closed door child just can't do it, it has to stop so like that an immovable object has to stop so the mind runs here and there but when we bring the mind in the presence of Krishna Krishna is an immovable object the mind has to stop now we may say that actually when I try to chant Krishna's name also, when I try to remember Krishna even then the mind runs here and there actually the mind runs more at that time so how exactly does it does the presence of Krishna calm the mind that brings us to the present so when we are practising bhakti yoga what we are trying to do is become, make the mind more focused, in bhakti there are various activities, there are some directly devotional activities such as chanting the holy name studying the scriptures, worshipping that it is doing our puja all these are meant to bring us and bring our mind into the presence of Krishna although the mind may run here and there at that time but just our coming in their presence purifies the mind and the more we can focus at that time the more will be the purification but even if we are not able to focus still that attempt is helpful why? because awareness of lack of self-awareness is also a step towards self-awareness what I mean by that is see sometimes people say my mind is wandering here, wandering there what can I do? I am trying to pray I am trying to chant, I am trying to meditate but the mind wanders here and there but actually at least recognising that the mind is wandering is better than wandering with the mind most of the time the mind says do this and we just do it mind says do that and we do it but when we are trying to meditate we are trying to focus the mind and even the mind wanders here and there we are trying to get it back and the Bhagavad Gita is a very realistic book Krishna doesn't demand that you have to fix your mind, he says try it it doesn't work in 6.26 he says if the mind wanders, just bring it back don't get angry with it, just get it back it goes again, get it back just by this repeated process the mind will become purified the mind will become purified so in the present bhakti offers us the means by which we can best channel the mind to be in the present now when we become conscious become focused during the activities of bhakti not only are we living in the present by that but we are also training the mind to live in the present so meditation is a very powerful way of training the mind to be in the present and that training will help us in all other walks of life and then what about the future no we don't know what the future holds but we know who holds the future we don't know what the future holds but we know who holds the future Krishna as God is in control of the past, the present and the future and he holds the future in his hands not that he treats us as puppets controlling it but whatever the future will bring Krishna will give us the strength to face that if you become conscious of me you will pass over all obstacles by my grace so whenever we find our fear fears making us fearful, see fear is not a problem fear is just a natural human reaction to uncertainty if I have to catch a flight and if I am not sure whether I will reach the destination or reach the airport or not in time, I will actually be uncertain, there will be some worry, there will be some fear so fear is just a natural human reaction to uncertainty or danger, if I am on a 100 storey building and I look out of the window I feel fear that fear protects me from the so fear is not the problem fearfulness is the problem, that means even I am not looking out of the window still I am feeling fearful what if I fall down so fearfulness means even when there is no answer there is no immediate uncertainty, there is no immediate danger still the fear is there so now what we need to do is when fear starts accelerating our imagination at that time faith is the brake that Krishna is in control Krishna will take care there are things which are not in my control but just because things are not in my control doesn't mean they are out of control they are still under Krishna's control so our faith helps us to prevent the mind from going on a dystopian imagination, imagining spring utopia is to imagine a very wonderful future dystopia is to imagine a very dreadful future sometimes the mind goes on a dystopian imagination spring mind takes one problem and then taking that problem as a stimuli the mind starts showing you the horror movie this will go wrong, that will go wrong no, we understand that Krishna is in control and if you look at our own life we have all weathered many storms in the past and we will weather storms in the future also so with Krishna we can pass through whatever problems come through so whatever karma may get us through Krishna will get us through whatever karma may get us through maybe there are different problems in our life in different times but Krishna will get us through problems will come but Krishna is because of those problems by being conscious of Krishna we can be prepared for the future so the future is something which the mind imagines about what if this happens what if that happens or instead of just imagining you know about the future what we can focus on is preparing for the future and the way to prepare for the future is in the present use our intelligence and we analyse and we prepare for the future in the present so by having faith that what is not in my control is not out of control, it is in Krishna's control we focus on that which is in our control, the same stimulus, same situation can cause anxiety or the same situation can bring intensity you say tomorrow I have an interview and I start thinking what if I forget it that time, what if I can't answer properly what if I don't make a good impression what is this, what is that thinking about all these possibilities can cause anxiety headache, but if I think instead, okay tomorrow I have an interview now I have 12 hours quickly, all of that right now one hour is with me let me prepare let me revise, let me recollect what I have studied, I have one hour right let me do that and tomorrow morning after I wake up I have two hours, let me focus on that so now in the same situation if I focus on that which is not in my control that causes anxiety, if I focus on that which is in my control that brings intensity, so now how do we not think of that which is not in our control, by entrusting it to Krishna that is not in my control but that is in Krishna's control so let Krishna take care of that which is not in my control and let me focus on that which is in my control in that way we can do our best and leave the rest to Krishna we live that the process of bhakti yoga ultimately helps us to develop love for Krishna and attain Krishna even when living in this world we face many challenges because of the mind, the process of bhakti yoga enables us to cope with these challenges and bring out our best in our life's journey so I will summarise I spoke today about understanding the past, present and future through the mind so look at the past, how our present, the mind is the indicator of the past, the mind is like a software we are like the user the body is like the hardware so say whatever comes as autocomplete in a browser indicates how the browser has been used in the past like that as soon as some stimulus comes, what kind of thoughts start coming, what kind of desires start coming in our mind they indicate how we have lived in the past so in psychotherapy sometimes people go to take them to the past to try to deal with some psychological issues, hypnotic regression into past lives can give people memories of their past life some of those may just be suggestions but where there is there is objective evidence of accuracy such as xenoglossy or xenography that people write in languages and scripts which are unknown to them which are even extinct and that is quite a tangible evidence that that person had lived in the previous life, had learned at that time and now is recollecting it so the past the present state of the mind indicates the past at the same time the past is unchangeable the future is unknowable so the present is what we have now bhakti yoga helps us to deal with our past by helping us understand that we can't control our past we can't change our past but we can change our memories so by practising bhakti firstly we create a rich reservoir of positive memories along with that by practising bhakti we gain more control over our mind so that instead of focussing on the negatives of the past we can focus on whatever positive is there in the past we don't have to imagine that everything that happened in the past is good, bad things have happened but Krishna can bring good even out of the bad it's like Arjuna was cursed Lord Vishnu but that curse worked out for his good like that by recognising Krishna's role as the lord of the past, present and future we can come to peace with our past and then with the present is all that we have for doing anything unfortunately our mind goes to the past, goes to the future it doesn't allow us to do anything tangible in the present the process of meditation which involves trying to focus the mind in the present even if it is unsuccessful it still because it is somehow coming in contact with Krishna it purifies us and it trains us to live in the present maximise our presence in the present and thereby create a better future for ourselves so the mind it has to be present so that whatever we are perceiving, whatever we are doing it becomes effective, the senses may be seeing something, the ears may be hearing something but if the mind is not there we don't see or hear, so by being absent minded we are actually not able to do things constructively but by being present minded we can do, we can function effectively and with respect to the future we all can have fears about the future but we can address those fears firstly by recognising their insubstantiality their unlikeliness, worries that the interest we pay on loans we haven't yet taken and we don't know what the future holds but we know who holds the future Krishna is still in control of the future and what is not in my control he will take care of it sometimes in the present we will be going through bad phases and we may extrapolate that to the future always my life will be filled with so many problems how can I live but we need to know that in life we keep going through different phases so sometimes we are sometimes we are serving sometimes we are returning so presently we will be returning that means we are constricted, our options are limited that doesn't mean we always have to return in the future we will get opportunities so we don't let the past constrict our present and we don't let the present constrict our future by recognising that everything may go through different phases in life and what is not in our control is in Krishna's control so whatever karma may get us to Krishna will get us through if we just become conscious of it so by focussing our mind on Krishna by connecting with him through practise of bhakti we can we can actually tap the best from the past make the best use of the present and create the best future for ourselves thank you very much so are there any questions or comments yes yeah so is it that while chanting also meaning the senses, mind and soul have to be in one line together yes definitely there is this advanced stage in bhakti where the devotee gets lost in trance in rapture the devotee may be at one place but in a trance they will be remembering something else, they will be transported to some other place but those are very advanced stages of bhakti so bhakti itself is not about being present in the present or being absent in the present bhakti is essentially about being present with Krishna so sometimes the devotees may go into a trance remembering the past or they may remember the future or they may remember something in the spiritual world also but they are whatever they are doing advanced devotees are with Krishna for us when our mind goes here and there often it is going away from Krishna so when we are chanting Krishna is present as the holy name and that's why we focus on trying to be present when Krishna is present so the essence of bhakti in that sense is being present, being present in the presence of Krishna so we are invoking his presence by chanting and we are trying to make sure that we are present when he manifests himself and the more we do that then even if we are in uncongenial circumstances say if we are trapped in the traffic and that's frustrating we are trapped not going anywhere so most people may just rant or curse or get frustrated at that time the present is not all that palatable so if we have trained our mind to be in the presence of Krishna we may recite some verses sing some mantras or recollect some past times of Krishna and that time we can go from the present to something which we have heard or remembered and we can be in the presence of Krishna so the important thing in bhakti is to train ourselves to be present with Krishna and sadhana bhakti that's why we should be present in the present to be present with Krishna does that answer your question? any other questions? yes if you have bad experiences in the past so if you know that different situation is coming in the future so should you visit with bad situations and go to Krishna or do you also think about it good point so if we have had bad experiences in the past and we find that similar bad experiences are now going to come upon us so should we just enter the control of those situations to Krishna or should we try to do something about them ourselves when I talk about interesting things to Krishna I talk primarily about things which are not in our control in every situation there is something which is in our control something which is not in our control when I first started giving classes so we are giving some public speaking guidelines and the last guideline was depend on Krishna but in bracket was but after you have prepared depend on Krishna after you have prepared if I don't prepare for a class and I say depend on Krishna that is not dependence that is actually irresponsibility devotion means we do our best and then leave the rest to God it is not that we leave everything to God and do nothing in the Bhagavad Gita Arjuna was fighting for Krishna Arjuna trained lifelong as an archer he didn't say Krishna you are God you do everything that is not the mood of a devotee so whenever we face some difficult situations if we have faced them in the past it is not good to just lament about the past resent the past but it is valuable to learn from the past the difference is that when we are just lamenting the past the mind is in control, the mind takes us to this problem that problem, that problem and at the end of it we just feel exhausted but if we are in control that means we in Bhagavad Gita talks about the different modes of materialism sattva guna, rajoguna, tamoguna mode of goodness, mode of passion, mode of ignorance so when we are in control when we are calm, we are reflective at that time we are in the mode of goodness and then we take our thoughts to the past this is what happened, this is how I react this is how they react this is how what happened in this situation I am going to run like this or when they did like this, I am going to run like this so we consciously by thinking about it in a calm detached way not in an emotionally agitated way when we think about it, we can learn from the past and that learning can make the present and based on that we can decide what is the best response for ourselves so certainly there are situations where we can't do anything and at times it depends on Krishna entirely but there are situations when dependence on Krishna is also expressed through action sometimes when we talk about surrender to Krishna, one image comes of Draupadi, she just raises her hand up in helplessness and she surrenders to Krishna and the Bhagavad Gita also concludes we surrender Krishna to Arjuna, surrender to him sarva dharman pati jaman kam sarvanam in 18.66 and in 18.73 Arjuna says yes I will do your karishya vachana so that means Arjuna surrenders to Krishna but Arjuna's surrender is not by raising his hands Arjuna surrenders by picking up his bow yatra yogeshwara krishna yatra partha dhanu dharaha the last verse of the Bhagavad Gita tells that Arjuna has picked up his bow he is ready to fight so Arjuna's surrender is not by helplessness Krishna's surrender is by readiness so like that again I talked about sometimes we are serving sometimes we are receiving so depending on our situation when there is nothing in our control we surrender to Krishna when something is in our control we use our God level intelligence to do our best in that situation so by practising bhakti regularly our intelligence becomes clear and then we can understand how to best respond in that situation the whole point is we focus on that which is in our control and don't let that which is out of our control disempower us from doing that which is in our control so that's how we have both service and surrender as means of bhakti to do some service you have to have some control otherwise how can I do any service at the same time surrender means that which is not in my control I surrender out of it does that answer your question thank you yes ma'am you had a question yes how to keep the mind in the present by asking how to keep the mind in the present that means simply by asking this question periodically what am I thinking about what am I doing self-awareness is the is both a process and a purpose we want to become self-aware but the process for that is also becoming self-aware that means if periodically at least at the end of every day 5 minutes and think of what did I do today did this did this in this situation I could have acted like this in this situation I could have acted like this when in the heat of the moment we will slip back to our default patterns we can't change those default patterns immediately so if we try that we will get discouraged but so when we are running around doing various things in life we have responsibilities we can't just give them up so whatever way the mind is that's how it will be but if we take periodic breaks and think back when I was doing this I was actually doing this but I was thinking of this I didn't think of this otherwise it would have been better so basically look back at our day so when we basically look back what are we doing we are in a sense coming out of ourselves and looking at ourselves I was there I did this I could have done this so when we become when we take periodic breaks for looking at ourselves then by that we create a habit of self-awareness it is not constant self-awareness but it is periodic self-awareness and over a period of time as we keep doing this periodic self-awareness then that starts becoming more and more of a habit so today I acted in one particular way in a situation I could have acted differently I was absent minded at that time but later on if I recognise that I was absent minded then tomorrow if I face a similar situation I will be more aware I shouldn't be absent minded so basically when an aeroplane is flying from one place to another it is not that the aeroplane flies straight from point A to point B 90% of the time the plane is off course but there is sometimes wind pressure is there atmospheric conditions are there they make the plane go off course but it is a pilot pilot or the autopilot programme whatever it is because it knows the destination it keeps reorienting itself goes off track comes back so for us our mind will go off track from the present it will go to the past or it will go to the future but if we keep having these periodic breaks then we reorient ourselves gone off track we come back gone off track we come back so that way we can train ourselves in living in the present by creating periodic breaks where we live where we come back to the present and then we look back at the past or look at the future consciously and along with that the whole process of bhakti yoga centred on trying to live in the presence of Krishna that is a very powerful way of of gaining control over the mind because what prevents the mind from living in the present is is its desires its basically its uncontrolled it may be worries, it may be fears it may be regrets, it may be desires whatever it is but once we understand that ultimately essentially I am a part of Krishna as a part I am meant to serve the whole so slowly by the process of bhakti this starts entering into us and then we simply do our part effectively so if I am taking care of the part if I am taking care of my part as a part the whole will take care of the whole I don't have to worry so much about it simply by coming in the presence of Krishna regularly we will find that the mind will calm down prashant manasam hirenam yoginam sukha uttama upaiti shant rajasam brahma bhoktama kalmasham they said by steady practise of yoga the mind becomes prashant it becomes peaceful, why? because of the upaiti shant rajasam the rajoguna, the passion that agitates the mind here and there that itself gets cleansed and then becomes pacified and then the mind becomes focused so by both creating periodic breaks for introspection and by regularly practising the process of bhakti where we focus on Krishna we can become more habituated to living in the present any other questions? how to control anger how to control anger there are two main aspects to it first is anticipation you know it's like if I am going on a road and if I know there is a pothole on the road then I will when my car comes near there, I will swerve my car I won't go into the pothole so like that if we observe ourselves we come to know which are the circumstances where I get provoked so if we anticipate that then we can avoid the circumstances this is a time where now things are getting hot now if I continue over here this discussion is becoming a altercation now, it is becoming a conflict, argument so let me just withdraw from here it's not that I am accepting defeat or I am accepting that I am wrong but it's just that this is not the time when I can deal with this issue people may feel people may think oh you know you ran away or whatever, but you know for us what people think is not as important as what we do and eventually people see if we are dealing with the issue calmly later they will also appreciate it eventually, not immediately so anticipation is very important so along with anticipation there is there is the opposite of what we normally intend to do that's procrastination normally procrastination is bad but where procrastination what I mean is pausing all of us there is there is a there is an instinctive coupling between sensation or emotion and action so for example, I feel hunger there is a sensation that comes in the body I feel emotion, I am hungry now and then there is action action is what? I eat food now this is how we function as physical bodies now say if a cat sees a rat the cat can't think, today is Ekadashi so for the cat it will at least pounce on it and eat it for it, there is no gap between the sensation and the soul and the action, I want it but we human beings can fast now fasting means what are we doing it's not that on the days we fast we don't feel hunger but rather by our determination we decouple the sensation and the action, I feel hunger but I don't eat food at that time so now for us to do that when I get angry I start feeling the sensation of anger so at that time what we need to do is just pause, from sensation to action, what is happening is create a break in between now we have to find out what can act like a break for us so for some of us it may be just taking a set of deep breaths before I speak something, just take a set of deep breaths or it might be just chanting prayers, chanting mantras sometimes it might just be that we speak something to us some quotes, some passages we mentally repeat them we all can find out what works as a pause button for us it is not that whatever issue that has provoked us, we just have to accept it we have to deal with it, but often anger makes a problem bigger than what it is we could have dealt with the problem, but the angry reaction makes the problem worse so procrastination is normally not good, but in terms of when there is an impulsive reaction what happens at that time if you can just check it the anger also passes I should not have spoken like that I can deal with the issue but I can deal with it later so just pushing things off at that time if that is just done without any intent of addressing them later, then they will again come back they will trouble us we push that off and then we intelligently act, then it helps no I do a lot of, my main service is a writer so I correspond with a lot of people through emails, so if I get angry with someone, now normally we think of emotions as two things, either I express them or I repress them if I express them it hurts others, if I repress them it hurts me so we can have a third option neither expressing nor repressing but processing what does processing mean? so if somebody has done something which makes me angry and I want to correspond, I want to express my anger, so what I do is, I write down I write a mail to them, but I won't mail it I keep it at least for 24 hours and then after 24 hours I come back and see this is too harsh I am making assumptions this makes sense this is a good point but I have not worded it properly maybe I can word it more gently so if I just check myself for 24 hours I find that 50% of the time I decide not to send the mail sometimes it happens that in that 24 hours that person also apologises and the issue is solved but if I had said I agree with then what happens, that person's ego goes on the defensive and then things become worse sometimes or very rarely I send the mail as it is something happens, I adjust here and there so basically if that anger or emotion is there, we can't repress it get it out write it down somewhere then what happens, as long as that emotion is there inside the head it just congests us, it doesn't allow us to do anything but as soon as we get it out then we feel a sense of release at least it has come out of us so we feel that mental space which has been congested it gets released and then after that when we calm down after sometime then we evaluate it then we can process it and then we can appropriately act on it so by anticipation and procrastination we can actually deal with anger when it emerges ultimately these are just ways of dealing with it what we want to do is to purify our sense of anger so here we are talking about when anger comes how to deal with it but what we would like to do is just to purify our sense of anger and that purification happens through the practise of bhakti so when we connect with Krishna, he is all pure we regularly chant the holy name regularly practise bhakti, we find that the things which would make us wild earlier, now if I keep practising bhakti, they don't disturb me so much so how does that happen by practising bhakti is that there are times we consider certain things to be very important and when something that is important for us is threatened then we react in an angry way but when we start practising bhakti we understand that Krishna is the most important thing in my life and Krishna is far bigger than this as compared to him this is not really that big no matter how many things go wrong Krishna still loves me Krishna still cares for me so when our sense of self security comes our inner security comes from our relationship with Krishna then we don't feel so threatened by what happens and when we don't feel threatened then we don't lash out so by the practise of bhakti we become purified of anger and thus through anticipation, procrastination and purification we can live with anger after the anger is gone but still you feel like the other people is at fault because mind never says we are wrong so how to choose between you are at fault or the other is at fault because mind never says you are at fault so how to decide even if the anger goes away still we feel that the other person is at fault and mind never acknowledges that I am at fault so how to decide in this situation yes, actually it is not that every time we are at fault or every time the other person is at fault different times we all work in different ways so it is as I said there is goodness, passion and ignorance basically when we are calm we are passionate I have to get this done, I have to get that done sometimes we are angry with someone and we just blast out at them and when they are about to clarify I have to go for my work what is the use? leave them seething with feeling of hurt so we are rushing around busy at that time we cannot address such issues or sometimes we are just too tired, lethargic, pathetic at that time also we cannot address so if there is some issue where we have to find out exactly who is wrong and what needs to be done we need to be calm we also find that there are times when we are relatively calm, the other person is calm so when we are calm we can reflect and when the other person is calm we can discuss and by that so our mind is like a at that time like a mirror sometimes the mirror is filled with so much dust that it gives a distorted reflection but when the mind is clear it gives a clear picture of what is there whatever is to be seen so not like a mirror, the mind is like a window now in the window I can see what is there if the window is clear, clean if the window is unclean I can't really see what is there so when we are in the mode of passion and ignorance we can't see clearly sarva dvaareshu dehesu prakasham upajavitai jnanam yadavadha vidhyat yurudham sattva vidhyat when we are in the mode of goodness we can see clearly so when we are calm, when the other person is calm at that time we initiate a proper discussion and then through the discussion we can understand this is what is wrong on your side this is what is wrong on my side so it's not that we always have to take blame for anything that has gone wrong nor is it that we always have to blame the other person which is what the mind does but what we need to do is we can take the first step to resolve the problem even if the problem has come from somebody else we can take the initiative and that way we can be problem solvers now when we do this, gradually we can also while dealing with other people understand how they work and then we have to appropriately sometimes it's not a fault of the other person it's just that that is not their habit, that is not their nature something is important for others, they just don't realise it is important so sometimes in relationships it's not so much a matter of somebody's fault, it's a matter of just adjusting our expectations of others so sometimes others expect something from us but we just don't think about it that's not our nature sometimes others we expect something from them it's just not their nature so whatever the issue is we learn to address that through calm discussion sometimes some people they are very unclean so keep your place clean it's not that they deliberately keep things unclean they just don't think about it they just don't notice things are unclean so you say why are you provoking me like this, they are not provoking us they are not thinking about it so there is the insensitive and there is the desensitised insensitive is people who don't care desensitised means they don't notice only I am a writer so as soon as I enter into a room whatever text is there I start proofreading it and many places where spelling is wrong I get irritated and if I tell them the spelling is wrong what matters people understand so what happens it's not that they are trying to irritate me it's just that they don't think that way so then I have to just accept when people don't care about these things so sometimes we just have to moderate our expectations so that way we can appropriately deal with that issue does that answer your question? when you are calm also but when it comes to the elders it is very difficult to discuss or tell them that you are wrong or I didn't like this so in that situation you need to adjust to only what you can do some elders are very authoritarian sometimes other elders understand so it depends on their nature first of all that some people just they don't see the fact that you pointed out that I was wrong how dare you have the audacity to do that so if that is the situation then we may just recognise that maybe I am not the right person maybe somebody who is of their age maybe some other relative maybe somebody whom they consider equal their brother, their sister, their spouse or whoever it might be we can talk with them and maybe they can talk so we can find an appropriate channel but sometimes they might just be open to understand especially when we are talking you know it's important how we talk you have to see there are three things there is there is action there is emotion and there is ascription, ascription means judgement so for example if I begin by saying you are so lazy I am not lazy I work so hard so here what has happened is we have made a judgement we have put a label but if I say everyday when you wake up so late now I feel irritated so there is an object to action you wake up so late this is a fact there is not so much debate over that but as soon as there is a label a label is something which makes people very defensive or aggressive so unfortunately what happens is we, when you are so insensitive when you are so self-righteous you are so like this, you are so like that we just get objective behaviour so that means there is a behaviour which causes an emotion within us and based on an emotion there is a particular judgement that we make you are so careless you are so insensitive, why? because you forget whatever they are supposed to do so when you, so what happens is we can focus on the action now the action is not a matter of debate an action has happened so when we focus on the action then we also start seeing what actually really happened otherwise the mind makes a big issue when actually it is very small so focus on the action and then based on the action we can tell our emotion you know when when you don't do this you know I feel neglected, I feel rejected I feel hurt or I feel burdened because then I have to do it because that is what you have promised to do or whatever it is so what happens is rather than making a judgement about the other person we can make a statement of their action and the emotional effect that it has on us generally in close relationships people don't want to intentionally hurt each other sometimes unintentionally get hurt we all want to live together and we all want to be as happy as possible so sometimes we may have enemies who deliberately want to hurt us but most often it's not it's not necessary for us to assume that the other person is malicious just that sometimes because of the nature or whatever so if we tell the action and the emotion then we are not threatening them we say this was the action and this was the effect on me or that then sometimes people see easily so unfortunately sometimes we don't talk about the emotion, we don't talk about the action, we directly make the judgement no you are so this you are so that and then it just makes matters worse so as appropriate we can communicate and sometimes we may self-tolerate so when we tolerate we should know that Krishna is also watching Krishna is noticing and when we are exhibiting the tolerance Krishna appreciates that because for a devotee the major difference between a devotee's relationship with others and a non-devotee's relationship is that a devotee is actually not just relating with the other person devotee is relating with Krishna also so in every relationship for a devotee there is Krishna in third person and we don't necessarily have to work for the other person we are working for Krishna and in that circumstance we may be serving that person we may be doing something for that person if we think that I am serving this person why should I serve that we feel like that but if we understand that I am serving Krishna and Krishna appreciates, even this person will appreciate and that can give us a higher impotence for not just responding at the same level of consciousness that we are acting we can act at a wiser level of consciousness sometimes also if there is too much hurt coming in a relationship we may have to create some distance we don't interact so much with that person we don't count so much on that person so all that can be done but we can do it in a non-judgemental way then we can do what is expected at the same time but take classes from unnecessary hurt does it answer the question? yes if you spoke about that you should always choose good over the bad from a past memory and then take it but then sometimes it so happens that a bad memory becomes a good one and it becomes very difficult for us to choose good memory sometimes there is a flashback of the past so how do we adapt to those so when I said we should choose the good memories from the past not the bad memories but sometimes they are interconnected and a flashback from the past also comes yes there is there is flashback and there is turn back that means a flashback might just come on its own but we don't have to dwell on it it's like say if I am working on a computer and say in the past I used to spend a lot of time maybe watching movies reading about movies or doing a particular activity now I am not so interested in that I develop higher interest but based on my past searches if I search for one thing Google will give many other things which come up now those links come up over there although I did not look for those links those links came up those links have come up but those links will not open up automatically so only when I click on them they open up so like that sometimes flashbacks come up but it is only when we dwell on them the mind is settled thankfully there is no computer now if say we are reading one page and there are some links over there if there is a computer which it detects where our eyes are and suppose whichever link we are looking at that link opens up then we would get just say trapped completely because one link next link next link we just get lost but unfortunately our mind is like that that means you know whatever gets our attention gets us whatever gets our attention gets us so when a flashback comes this memory has come if we give our attention to it it is like that we are focussing on it clicking on that link then it opens up but okay if we don't dwell on it we direct our thoughts elsewhere we think of something positive then that memory won't grow it will be there for some time it will go away if we don't give it our attention then it does not grow and it is good to have something positive that can catch our attention accessible to us always so for example some of us may within the activities of bhakti also there may be some activities which we may be able to connect very easily say some of us may like kirtans some of us may like quotes some of us may like needy pictures so then whatever it is that can immediately draw our thoughts and our consciousness towards Krishna we keep that readily accessible for us so when such a flashback comes at that time immediately we take out a picture take darshan or when we have a kirtan going on we take our thoughts towards Krishna so basically we can't say no to things we can say in the mind there is no way to empty the mind of something a thought has come we can't empty the mind of a negative thought but we can crowd that thought out of the mind if I have a glass of water if there is air in it if I decide I want to remove the air it is very difficult but if I fill it with water the air will automatically go out so like that if a flashback has come one thing is we don't give attention to it but still it will be there and we can't drive it out but what we can do is we get something else into our mind fill our mind with that and that will get crowded you had asked one question ok we will come to you then and some other people there were not the kind of reciprocal gestures that I was expecting and somewhat down the line I felt kind of neglected and out of focus and my question would be on like on a specific fact that being in those relationships is it always one's job or responsibility to volunteer to solve the problem even if the other person is giving a cold shoulder and I have seen that for like months and years and I have tried to fix that in a relationship that I have broken already but I kept on trying in my personal perspective but I never saw the day after life it was just going down the line so one fine day I realised that there is no point dragging it further so I just had to put a stop on the whole thing so after a few years and months I do have some level of feeling and a little bit of guilt to be honest that maybe I took up space to go too far and something may have worked so I do contradict myself at times and that kind of gives me an uneasy feeling do you have a solution for me on this so if you were in a relationship where you got no reciprocation and despite our best efforts we have always been on the cold shoulder so we decided to end the relationship because nothing was working and now we are thinking that maybe I should have tried a little bit more so what can we do in such a situation there are two extremes one is that just because the relationship doesn't work we get to break it the other is just because the relationship was there we allow it to go even to abusive levels where both are unhealthy so one thing which is important is that sometimes there are relationships there are different levels of expectation we can have in different relationships so sometimes we expect a closer level of intimacy but other person is not ready for that level that relationship may still work but at a more distant level they say that good fences make good neighbours good fences make good neighbours so like that there is a clarified expectation this is my land, this is your land that is not clear unless there is conflict so basically in many relationships what is the expectation that needs to be clarified and now sometimes we feel that the other person is not reciprocating but they didn't think that this is what I was expected to do in that relationship so now that is a possibility now having said that we are not meant to just break a relationship because of one small thing going wrong not only that we have to endure lifelong torture in the name of a relationship what is important is that we set the we clarify expectations then many times we may not have the same fulfilling relationship but we can have a manageable relationship a reasonable relationship so that is the that is the best way to adjust, breaking up relationship especially if they are central to a family that is not good and it should be considered only as an absolute last step but if something has been done the important thing now is that okay what has been done has been done there is no point in letting guilt burden us see guilt is it serves a constructive purpose that is it protects us from unhealthy things psychologically it's like if I go close to too close to a fire I feel hot and that heat protects me from unwittingly entering into fire that heat is meant to be a protector so like that guilt protects us from the fire of wrongness guilt is good but sometimes this guilt which is meant to be a protector it can actually get distorted where it is not guilt but it is pseudo guilt what do you mean by pseudo guilt? let's say if this is the right thing I am here this is the wrong thing so guilt is what is meant to protect me from doing the wrong thing stop me from doing the wrong thing but sometimes guilt becomes a burden it just discourages and disempowers everything and then that guilt instead of stopping us from doing the wrong thing it stops us from doing everything including the right thing also just feel I am worthless I can't do anything so now rather than ok what was done was done maybe in the future I will get a clearer understanding of whether it was right or wrong whatever intelligence I had at that time I had I made a decision that's over now let me move on sometimes sometimes with the passage of time we get a clearer perspective sometimes we are too close to an event the emotional distance is not much and then we can't really perceive so focus now on trying to not act based on guilt focus on acting based on intelligence so with your intelligence whatever is the next step forward take that and sometimes the important thing is to have the vertical relationship strong we have horizontal relationship with others and we have a vertical relationship with Krishna and to the extent that sometimes the vertical relationship is strong to that extent in the horizontal relationships whatever storms come we are better able to deal with because our sense of self worth our sense of self security if it is coming only from horizontal relationship that relationship runs into a problem and we become very insecure but if we have a strong vertical relationship with Krishna, we practise bhakti we have experienced Krishna's presence, his shelter his remembrance, the sweetness of it then we get a substantial sense of our security within from our relationship with Krishna and then we can act more maturely in our horizontal relationships generally if one relationship has not worked out, the instinctive reaction is now let me try another relationship maybe this will work out but then what happens, the wounds from the previous relationship are still there even the mistakes may be there from ours, they are also there and those scars, they prevent us from acting in another relationship so it is best to take a pause focus on strengthening our vertical relationship and with that vertical relationship strengthened then we will be able to act better in our horizontal relationship so better not to rush from one relationship to another but rather focus on the vertical relationship, then the next relationship we will be able to develop it better okay next okay sure so does ignoring the situation or action solve the problem okay does ignoring the situation solve the problem it depends on what the problem is sometimes some problems are small and the mind makes them very big so we just keep it small and it gets over sometimes somebody has somebody, that person is normally very responsible but they have forgotten something that is important for us but they have forgotten it, we might just get wild about it but then that is uncharacteristic they don't regularly forget it but that time maybe there is some pressure, something happened, they forgot at that time it is best to keep a small thing small we ignore that, we tolerate that oversight and move on and sometimes something is a part of a habitual behavioural pattern then ignoring it makes it worse only, when they ignore that, then they keep doing the same thing again and again and then it may make things worse so with respect to health you know it is that it is not that every time I get a sneeze, I have to get hospitalised isn't it but if I am getting sneezes repeatedly there is something wrong, I have to take some medicine maybe I have to get some diagnosis done so an occasional sneeze is a small thing which can be neglected and ignoring the body has its own healing capacity and it heals itself but if the sneezing is coming repeatedly then I have to pay attention to it, so what we need to see is that we should keep small things small and that means ignoring small things, small oversight small mistakes, that is perfectly you know, all of us have a bad day and sometimes we catch another person on a bad day, sometimes they catch us on a bad day we may speak things, do things which are not what we really are we just overlook it don't make a big issue out of it at that time so keep small things small, but if something is a big thing, then ignoring it won't solve the problem, ignoring it will only perpetuate it, so we have to address it so I would say that largely based on whether that particular thing is characteristic or uncharacteristic we can decide whether to address it or ignore it does that answer your question? yes so you said about how people have previous impressions from previous life is it the same with people like many people walk into our life or we walk into other people's life some we gel very nicely and have an instant connection and some we don't, you know is that something from previous life? ok so if we can connect quickly with some people, is it because of some previous life connection or sometimes we just can't gel with some people is it because of some past life discord this whole business of past life it has a level of it has a purpose if we start going into a whole mode of speculation, maybe it was like this maybe it was like that, it's all guess work and it's very very difficult to know what is what so the primary purpose of what we can infer from the past life memory is that we are eternal we are not the body sometimes we feel you know, if I could remember my past life, then then I would get a conviction that I am not the body and the soul but there are people who remember their past lives you know, they sometimes still want to settle scores from their past life they don't want to there was a there was one of the designers of Titanic his name was Thomas Andrews and he he was blamed for the sinking of the Titanic well actually it was the financier who cut costs at that time so he was reborn as William Barnes and he gave a systematic explanation of what caused the Titanic to sink the best explanation available till now he described events also what happened at that time so it's more or less from the objective evidence point of view, it's reasonable to infer that William Barnes is Thomas Andrews reincarnated but Barnes has no spiritual interest he says, the purpose of my life is to clear the good name of Andrews, which was slurred by so and so person so it is not necessary that knowledge of the past can necessarily knowledge of a past life can necessarily lead to any spiritual growth it may, it may not so when it is not clear you don't have to worry about it so if two people are able to connect nicely it may be because of a past life connection or it may just be because you are like-minded two like-minded people meet each other on life journey that's wonderful and so we don't have to get into speculation about past life it's important thing is if we can connect with someone, well and good if we can't connect with someone, then we may keep a distance or we may need more effort to connect with that person it's best to focus on the present the past life can become the whole idea of reincarnation can become just a zone for endless speculation if we let it divorce us from the present so if you are connecting nicely, well and good it's connect best with that person but sometimes, what happens say, two people meet together and they think, you know, maybe they are destined to meet and they think, maybe they have past life connection, and then they form a relationship well even if there is a past life connection or that sort of feeling is there we have to ourselves use our intelligence to evaluate to check the compatibility, to work out on things just by thinking something is destiny and not doing our responsibility basically we may get ourselves into a trouble, so it's best to use our intelligence, some relationship working, wonderful, move forward if you have a past life, it may be, it's great if it is not, it doesn't matter because in this life, we are able to connect let's stay focused on what is in our control that is the present do like-minded people become more understanding or does understanding make people like-minded both are there see, when we think alike then naturally we can understand each other better so it's basically say this is person X, this is person Y when they are like-minded, that means the intersection point is high so if the intersection area or the sector is very high, then naturally we can understand each other quite well so that is the other aspect, that understanding people become like-minded that is more like a person seeks to understand others that means this is their circle but they are ready to come out of their circle and explore what makes you tick, why do you think like this why do you act like that not in a judgemental way but in an inquisitive way, they enquire now it is not necessary that understanding people become like-minded but they will understand each other better because our mind is what they are, sometimes we may develop new interests say we meet somebody who is interested in a particular field and say we get along with each other nicely and then we become interested in that field also so you could say our circle expands to include what was not there earlier so that's how we could say we are becoming like-minded so it can happen that understanding people become more like-minded because of their understanding nature they expand their interests but it is not necessary that it will happen sometimes I understand that you like that but you know I don't like it so much we accept that we are all irreducibly individual and our individuality is not reduced by our being more understanding what happens is that our understanding our being more understanding can expand our perimeter of connection so we shouldn't expect that if somebody is not able to understand me somebody is not like-minded even if you have lived with them for a long time that doesn't mean that they are uncaring we just have different interests so whenever we are acting in a relationship we can always focus on that which is in the intersection that which is naturally of their interest that is naturally of my interest that is the safest platform to base the relationship we may expand our interest to something that interests them and they may expand their interest to include something that interests us that is fine but there has to be some basic commonality which is steady where neither they are stretching themselves nor are we stretching ourselves it is naturally there does that answer your question? to understand the situation more which situation? understanding the like-minded like-minded people to more understand I just want to trace it from how it works this way and how it works from that way so how can we better understand how people connect is it because of their understanding nature or is it because of their like-mindedness I say that it is important for us to to observe ourselves observe others so sometimes I said getting thoughts out of the head is good for example that means we can look at the relationship that are important for us and find out these are my interests, these are their interests and these are the commonalities and then we can look over the years have any of my interests expanded to include that have any of their interests expanded to include one of my natural interests so we will find some people are more adaptable some people are less adaptable and that also we have to understand that not everybody can be that understanding so with some people if you have some rubber bands they pull a lot some rubber bands they pull only a little if you pull too much it just breaks some rubber bands you can pull them quite a bit so like that some people their interests are naturally expandable quite a bit some people their interests are not all that expandable so basically by observing ourselves, observing others, observing the pattern in the relationship we can understand which relationships, the dynamics of each relationship and then we can progress accordingly so shall we stop? you had a question? yeah going back to the example of chemistry the situations when we are returning we will be remembering more we will be remembering Krishna more and more intensity but when we are in a situation of serving we tend to that intensity goes down a little bit the intensity of remembering Krishna or even like every activity even in so how to maintain that balance so when we are returning when we have less control we will depend more on Krishna, we will remember him more when we are serving, when we have more control we don't remember him so much how can we avoid that? see again it's not necessary there are many people when they face problems they don't become more dependent on Krishna Krishna is not helping me, Krishna doesn't care for me there are people who when they have when they have good time, they become more grateful to God, thank you and they become more devoted, now my things are set up right I focus more, so ultimately it doesn't depend on circumstances are adverse or some circumstances are favourable, it depends on intention, sometimes we may feel that you know when there are problems I intensify my bhakti well it is not it is not misery that is the producer of bhakti otherwise all miserable people would be devotees, it doesn't work like that so it is actually the intention, so if we have the intention to serve Krishna and we try to cultivate the intention as much as possible, in whichever situation we are in, we will translate it as Vipramundakrishna Bhakti so Sri Prabhupada in the parpot of 2.56 Dukheshvanubhignamana Sukheshu Abhidharagabhaivrodha Siddhir Muni Uchyate, in that parpot Prabhupada states that if a devotee is put in a uncomfortable situation, devotee feels that now Krishna you have provided all the facilities for me so that I can serve you better and if a devotee is put in an uncomfortable situation, devotee says that actually Krishna is by my own past karma I am suffering but you have minimised suffering, means let me take shelter of you so if we find personally that in difficulties we take shelter of Krishna more and amidst comfortable situation we don't take shelter of him so much then what we can do is we can try to create some we can try to take up some services some which are challenging, which are slightly beyond our capacity like you know in psychology we talk about the comfort zone, the stretch zone and the panic zone if I can lift up 10 kg weight and if I go to a gym and start lifting 1 kg weight, nothing is going to happen but if I can lift 10 kg weight and I lift 50 kg I'll injure myself so for a person who can lift 10 kg weight 1 kg is comfort zone 50 kg is panic zone I'll just collapse but 11 kg, 12 kg that is stretch zone so the most sustainable way to go in bhakti is to ourselves take up some responsibilities for serving Krishna and take up responsibilities that are slightly more than what we can do ourselves and that will make us pray to Krishna more depend on Krishna more so through adverse circumstances, through favourable circumstances that commitment which we take up for serving Krishna that will keep our intention steady sometimes adverse circumstances we may not be able to do so many practical services but we may remember Krishna more but when there are favourable circumstances you may feel the remembrance is not so much but because we are taking practical challenging services and we can't deal with those challenges alone and that will force us to remember Krishna so it is the circumstances are not in our control but our intentions are in our control and because our intentions don't stay steady all the time we need to take up commitments we take up I will do this, we take up a commitment then even if the intention goes down still the commitment pushes us along so by living in the stretch zone we can sustainably stay sheltered, stay connected with Krishna do we have time for some more questions last one is it ok to have material desires it is not a matter of ok if we have them, we have them we can't wish them away we can't what is important is two things out here see if somebody is getting angry don't get angry but the anger is there what we can say is don't express your anger don't act on your anger emotions are simply our psychological responses to situations no what we are largely accountable for is what we do with the emotions if I get angry that means something is important for me that's why I got angry now I have choice whether I act on that anger or not and I definitely need to control that but you can't just tell me don't feel anger that's not humanly possible emotions will often come upon us so it's not that material desires themselves are bad dharma, artha, kama, moksha so artha and kama these are four purusharthas dharma is religiosity, artha is prosperity money, kama is material pleasure and moksha is liberation so all four are purusharthas all four are important now the problem comes especially in modern society artha and kama have been divorced from dharma and moksha that means people want economic prosperity, people want sensual pleasure, they don't care for god they don't care for liberation so this is unsustainable this is disharmonious so it is not that material desires themselves are the problem the problem is when material desires, they dominate our life, they control our life so when we live in the material world, we need things for sustenance we have certain talents we would like to make a contribution based on those talents those talents are also given to us by god so the problem comes when we make our relationship with Krishna conditional to the fulfilment of our material desires if Krishna gives this to me, then I will serve him, otherwise Krishna doesn't care, why should I care for him now we shouldn't, if we are practising bhakti, we shouldn't really we don't really have to divorce our life to material and spiritual at every level we do separate it in terms of giving time for spiritual activities oh yes, I should come for satsang I should do, study scriptures, I should chant, but after that, we can basically have an attitude of service the essence of material and spiritual is actually the attitude of service so if a mother is taking care of her children, she thinks the child is actually assigned by Krishna in my life then that is a service attitude, not assigned material, if I am doing my job but I am thinking that through this job whatever position I get, whatever security I get, that will help me to serve Krishna better, I will make a contribution to Krishna's mission better, then that is a service so rather than bothering too much about material and spiritual we see, we try to infuse everything with an attitude of service and the key of service is that we desire but we don't demand now if we don't have any desire even let's say for example a devotee desires to have darshan of Krishna but devotee doesn't demand Krishna, you have to come and give me darshan so desires are natural to the human condition but when we make the desire as a fulfilment of the desire as a precondition to our service to Krishna precondition to our relationship to Krishna then those desires become injurious so if something is important for us, we can certainly work on it, pray for it and try to fulfil it but we don't let it take us away from Krishna we try to connect with Krishna as much as possible so when we connect with Krishna then that intention of service will gradually spiritualise it so the problem especially comes when the material desires dominate our consciousness and then we give up Krishna bhakti but if we are focussing on Krishna bhakti then using our godly interminence by talking to senior devotees we can find out how best we can spiritualise those desires and there's no need to feel guilty about those desires more important thing is to connect with Krishna whenever we tell don't do this that creates a lot of negativity resentment within us, deep sense of deprivation within us we can focus more on connection with Krishna and try to connect all aspects of our life with the mood of service to Krishna does that answer your question? thank you very much.