If people are born together in a family because of similar karma why are some family members so different?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So sometimes in a family, if we get a particular family by our karma, then why is it that there are so many differences? Well, sometimes those differences are the way by which we get our karma also. That means that there are that the karma can come in different ways.
So for example, we by certain karma, there may be certain kinds of connections that are established between some people. But there can also be some amount of differences. Sometimes the differences may be more, sometimes the differences may be less.
Because of which certain conflicts may occur. So we understand that when there is interaction between people, the multiple kinds of karma are involved. There are certain amounts of similarity which are there.
But broadly speaking, it is not only similarity that determines whether I’ll be born in this family or that family. Similarity is one thing. But there is also the fact that our karma comes through us to different people around us.
So sometimes certain people, they may just be more instruments of karma than instruments of kindness. Sometimes Krishna exhibits his kindness through some people. Those people may be very kind, but they themselves are kind.
It is actually Krishna who is exhibiting his kindness through them. So sometimes some people may just be very harsh, very judgmental. Ultimately it’s our karma coming through them.
That doesn’t mean that we have to put up with abuse, have to put up with exploitation. We may have to respond appropriately to that. But it is just that when we come together in a particular set of relationships, it is not necessarily entirely because of compatibility.
Sometimes incompatibility may be a part of the relationship by which certain reactions come up. But it’s not necessary that that means that relationships have to be only for suffering. It can also be that if we are mature, we learn to live with those incompatibilities and we develop a relationship in spite of those incompatibilities.
There will be differences, but then we learn how to see commonality beyond the differences. And sometimes that can help us to grow also. So rather than seeing the presence of differences simply as negative, we can see that as a learning opportunity.
Of course, there are sometimes different things which we can learn in different situations. Sometimes we may just learn that this relationship, we’ll never come too close. Sometimes the problem comes not because two people are incompatible.
It’s not just that their nature is incompatible, but it’s also the problem comes that there is mismatching in expectation of proximity. They’re saying that good fences make good neighbors. So if a boundary is not clear, this is my property.
This flower came on my land. No, my land. This fruit came on my land.
My land. No. They keep fighting.
Sometimes we may expect too much proximity or intimacy in a particular relationship. And the other person feels, you know, you’re just divining too much. You’re encroaching on my territory.
Sometimes if we just moderate that level of expectation, we can have a good relationship at a distance with some people. And if we try to bring that too close, then that creates conflict. So we shouldn’t, just because we are biologically or relationally connected with some people, does not necessarily mean that we will be emotionally connected with them to the same degree.
So we ourselves need to be intelligent and work out. This relationship works well at this distance. This relationship works well in this amount of proximity.
And we will find that if we are just open, Krishna will offer us love through various directions. Sometimes we expect love and affection in one particular relationship and we just don’t get it. But then, Krishna, that’s the problem when we let any particular relationship in this world define us.
Our self-identity, our self-worth, it should come from our relationship with Krishna. If we let any relationship in this world define us and if we get neglect or rejection in that relationship, it can devastate us. But if we let our connection with Krishna define us, then whatever level of distance or proximity is appropriate for that relationship, we can learn to live with that.
Does it answer your question? Thank you. Yes, sir.