When anger comes how can we calm ourselves?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So when anger comes How can we calm ourselves down When a snake is bitten We can physically go away and become safe But in a relationship, what can we do See basically We all need to find Some kind of pause button For ourselves When there is an impulsive reaction That comes up, it’s very difficult To say no to it But saying yes to it Is disastrous So normally we think of emotions Only when emotion comes We think of only two alternatives Expressing it or repressing it Now expressing it It makes things worse It hurts the other person But repressing it is going to hurt us When we repress it It will eventually come out in ugly forms But We have a third alternative Not expressing, not repressing But processing We process our emotions Now see If somebody is getting angry We tell them don’t become angry What do you mean don’t become angry Our emotions We can’t Deny those emotions We have to acknowledge those emotions But acknowledging those emotions doesn’t mean I have to act on those emotions So processing the emotion means I’m feeling angry When I’m feeling angry that means This thing is important for me And in something that is important Something has gone wrong So that’s what we understand from it So we need to process it So by a pause button What happens is I’m not going to do anything right now And then after that We When we calm down we evaluate This was the thing that happened and this is what made me angry And then What can I do about it So As a writer I communicate a lot by writing I write emails to people Sometimes when I’m angry with someone And I write an angry email I write the email But I will not send it I’ll keep it in my draft For at least 24 hours And I do that I found 50% of the time I don’t need to send the email Sometimes that person Only writes back and clarifies or apologizes And the issue is resolved And if I had sent that email It would have become so much worse in that time Or sometimes So After say If I just keep that anger inside me It will repress I can’t do that But if I send the mail it will make things worse So I express it by writing it But not sending it So then after 24 hours We calm down relatively speaking and read it again That is the time we are processing it This point It’s a valid point Here it’s just too harshly worded Here I really don’t know the fact I’m just jumping to conclusions over here It’s almost Almost never has it happened till now that After 24 hours I send the email As it is I send many emails but substantial editing Because At that time See Almost never in our life Is the first me The best me The first me means what? Suppose somebody As first time They pick up a harmonium and they start playing it Never before played it That is going to be the worst me Not the best me Because no training, no practice, no rehearsal It’s going to be the worst In any other field in life It’s never that The person just First thing that comes in they let it come out They don’t let it come out in public They practice It is with skills Similarly it is with emotions The first emotions that come out They are there And that’s why they come out But they are never the best So I need to process them The first thing is pause So I won’t act on it immediately Even if the issue is there I will not act on it And after that usually If it’s an important issue It is good to write down the things This is what I felt angry about 1,2,3,4,5 or whatever it is I will process it And then after processing it This point I need to This is a valid point over here I need to find out more information At this point I am just being too judgmental After processing it Then we can appropriately express it And generally when we are expressing it also It is best to do it When we ourselves are in the mode of goodness Satva guna And the other person is also relatively in the mode of goodness So Like we We just get angry with someone And we hurl an accusation at them You are like this, you are like that And They try to tell their side of the story No, now I have to go to office How does it work then? They will be burning How dare you think like this about me So we have to Find a proper time We cannot resolve issues very easily Just a pause button is important Now What can work as a pause button for us It may vary Sometimes just chanting When you feel angry just chant Chant desperately, that can calm us down Sometimes Having some verses Which are our favorite verses Just reciting those verses About anger, about The mind, whatever it is Something that illuminates us Having a picture of our favorite deities And praying to them Please give me the strength to calm down Taking a few deep breaths So We have to find out which technique Works for pausing Which can function as our Pause button And over experience we find it out This is what I can do So When we are dealing with the mind We need to know that the mind Will behave in Dangerous ways But that doesn’t mean that I have to act accordingly The pause button Basically acts like a Distancer between the mind and me The mind’s feelings are there And I can’t deny them The feelings are there But I don’t have to act on them So we don’t Repress them But we pause so that we can process them After processing we can express them appropriately Does that answer your question? Yes