Even if we control our anger at someone still we keep thinking about who was at fault- what to do?
So even if we even the anger goes away still we feel that the other person is at fault and the mind never acknowledges that I am at fault so how to decide in this situation yes, actually it is not that every time we are at fault or every time the other person is at fault different times we all work in different ways so it is as I said there is goodness, passion and ignorance basically when we are calm we are passionate I have to get this done, I have to get that done sometimes you know sometimes we are angry with someone and we just blast out at them and when they are about to clarify I say no, I have to go for my work now but what is the use, they will leave them seething with feeling of hurt so we are rushing around busy at that time we cannot address the issues or sometimes we are just too tired, lethargic, pathetic that time also we cannot address so if there is some issue where we have to find out exactly who is wrong and what needs to be done we need to be calm we also find that there are times when we are relatively calm, the other person is calm so when we are calm we can reflect and when the other person is calm we can discuss and by that so our mind is like a at that time like a mirror sometimes the mirror is filled with so much dust that it gives a distorted picture but when the mind is clear it gives a clear picture whatever is to be seen so not like a mirror, the mind is like a window in the window I can see what is there if the window is clear I can't really see what is there so when we are in the mood of passion and ignorance we can't see clear when we are in the mood of goodness when we are in the mood of goodness we need to become illumined so when we are calm when the other person is calm at that time we initiate a proper discussion and then through discussion we can understand this is what is wrong on your side this is what is wrong on my side so it's not that we always have to take blame for anything that has gone wrong nor is it that we always have to blame the other person which is what the mind may want to do but what we need to do is we can take the first step to resolve the problem even if the problem has come from somebody else we can take the initiative and that way we can be problem solvers now when we do this gradually even also by dealing with other people we understand how they work and then we have to appropriately adjust ourselves sometimes it's not a fault of the other person it's just that that is not their habit that is not their nature something is important for us they just don't realize it is important so sometimes in relationships it's not so much a matter of somebody's fault, it's a matter of just adjusting our expectations of others so sometimes others expect something from us but we just don't think about it that's not our nature sometimes others we expect something from them it's just not their nature so whatever the issue is we learn to address that through calm discussion sometimes some people they are very unclean so keep your place clean it's not that they deliberately keep things unclean they just don't think about it they just don't notice things are unclean so why are you provoking me like this they are not provoking us because they are not thinking about it so there is the insensitive and there is the desensitized insensitive is people who don't care desensitized means they don't notice only I am a writer so as soon as I enter into a room whatever text is there I start proofreading it and many places where spelling is wrong I get irritated and if I tell them the spelling is wrong what matters, people understand so what happens it's not that they are trying to irritate me it's just that they don't think that way so then I just accept many people don't care about these things so sometimes we just have to moderate our expectations so that way we can appropriately deal with that issue does that answer your question?