How can we prevent our career from interfering with our relationships?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
If we are focused on our studies and then because of not being able to perform as much time as we are investing working for 10 hours, getting 2 hours out. So, feel a little averse to relationships, feel envious of those who are performing, getting depressed. What can we do at such a time? See, first thing is being focused is good.
But being obsessed is not. Now, what is the difference between being focused and being obsessed? Focused means we are aware of ourselves, we are aware of our goal and we direct our attention to the goal. Obsessed means the goal controls us.
So, the goal controls us and then we just can’t think of anything. Compulsively we are always thinking of nothing. So, the career is very important, but the career is not the only thing in life.
And becoming obsessed can become a problem. So, we can try to find out at least one or two people who are like-minded. Some of us may not be very gregarious.
So, we may find having too many friends a bit too much of a burden, too much of a distraction. But if we explore, even in our social circle we will find that there may be one or two people whom we can connect with. And they may also be like this where they also don’t want to have too many friends.
We may be able to connect at a deeper level also. So, being open to exploring deeper relationship, deeper connection with a few people, that can be done, that can actually balance the… that can prevent the focus on the studies from becoming an obsession. They can also tell us, you know, don’t be obsessed.
They can tell us when we are getting off track. And as far as not performing so well is concerned, that is something which happens when we become obsessed. When we become obsessed, a whole range of negativity comes in.
We let our sense of self-worth become defined by that one thing. Definitely, our grades are important. The kind of job we get, that is important.
But we are not that alone. So, when that becomes… we equate our self-worth with our net worth, then we just can’t avoid envy. If somebody is earning more than me, and I think I am my salary, then I will just naturally become envious of those who earn more than me.
I will become insecure if I am not earning as much as I think I should be earning. All these will come. So, we have to think.
When you are practicing meditation or studying spirituality, it’s not just a ritual to be done. If we invest our consciousness in these practices, study these practices, they remind us. My circumstances and I are different.
My career, my studies, they are important, but they are not everything. Actually, when they become everything, then paradoxically we are not able to focus on that anymore. Because they are consumers, they are obsessives.
So, by trying to have some spiritual intervention, whenever it starts becoming an obsession, then try to have a spiritual intervention. Not just some meditation practice, but try to find some other friends who are spiritual. Try to meet with them regularly.
I will just help you to reorient yourself. This is good, this is too much. Reorientation happens, then that will help a lot.
And lastly about negativity or not performing enough, don’t be too hard on yourself. Ultimately, we need to the end result needs to be that we have to be encouraged. If you become discouraged, then we disempower ourselves.
Sometimes I feel that by being hard on myself, that will bring out the best in me. But we have to check whether that is happening. See, some other people, you might have seen some other friends, some other elders, who were very hard on themselves and that brought out the best.
But that’s not universal. Sometimes we beat ourselves up and that might weaken us, that might demoralize us further. So, when that is happening, don’t be hard on yourself.
If you consider from the perspective of say millions of students in India, just to be in America and American University, that’s a great achievement. So, and here also, you have a good future ahead. So, look at the positives.
And we definitely want to improve. But how we will improve, don’t have a stereotype idea that just by being hard on myself, I’ll improve. Sometimes, we can improve by being gentle on ourselves.
See, the mother, when she wants to have a child to study, a child to do something, sometimes the mother misses out on the child, sometimes the mother may pat the child, the mother may fondle the child. So, we have an inner child within us. And sometimes the child needs to be chastised.
But sometimes the child needs to be consoled. So, again, this understanding of sarva-dvāreṣu dehe prakāśyam upajāyati, jñānaṁ yadā tathā vidyāṁ yur uddhaṁ sattva-mṛtyu In 14.11, the Bhagavad Gita Krishna says that our inner world becomes illumined. Our inner territory becomes illumined when we practice spirituality and come to sattva-guna, come to the mode of goodness.
So, what that means is that when we need to chastise ourselves, when we need to console ourselves, when we need to encourage ourselves, all this, if we become more spiritual, we will learn better how to handle ourselves. And if we learn that, there is no skill as valuable as that. Because ultimately, we are the only resource that we have.
So, we have to learn to handle ourselves. Our struggles won’t last forever. But we will.
We don’t let the struggles consume you. Be patient. Try to connect with Krishna more through your devotional practices.
And the storm will pass.