Is being emotionally invested in Krishna different from being emotionally invested in services to Krishna?

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So, is there a difference between being emotionally invested in Krishna and being emotionally invested in services connected with Krishna and activities? We have to see, phaleinu parichayati. What is the result on our consciousness? See, our services are our primary and our essential connection with Krishna. But, there is also the form and then the substance.
Sometimes, a service which is meant to connect us with Krishna, that may cause us so much stress that it may disconnect us from Krishna. So, I’ll give both examples for this. When the Juhu land dealings were going on, one time Tamal Krishna Maharaj came to Prabhupada and said, Prabhupada, these land dealings are causing me so much anxiety that they are disturbing my japa.
So, Prabhupada replied, they are disturbing my japa, Krishna. So, Tamal Krishna Maharaj was non-blessed. And then, Prabhupada told him, you are anxiety for serving Krishna and taking Krishna.
So, we are not meant for simply living, living just. Bhakti is not just about being joyful in Krishna. Bhakti is about a relationship with Krishna.
And relationship means we take responsibility. Yashodamaya is not just happy. You know, when Krishna has gone to the forest and is not coming back on time, Krishna has anxiety.
When is Krishna going to come? Krishna is not coming. So, in Krishna, in the relationship with Krishna, actually, the ultimate happiness is the absorption in Krishna. So, when the absorption in Krishna sometimes can be like sweet nectar, absorption in Krishna can sometimes be like bitter nectar.
It’s nectar. It’s nectar for the soul. But sometimes it can taste bitter.
So, when the gopis are separated from Krishna, externally they are not happy. They are crying. But internally, because they are intensely remembering Krishna, there is ecstasy.
Of course, this is a very advanced stage. But I am saying, even in the advanced stage, it is not that everybody is always happy in the external sense of the word. They are happy because they are internally absorbed in Krishna.
But externally, they go through a whole panorama of emotions. So, in our case also, when we take up a responsibility in service to Krishna, that responsibility will deepen our relationship with Krishna. And that deepened relationship is what will evoke our spiritual emotions.
So, we definitely need to take up a responsibility. And even if that brings anxiety, that anxiety will also purify us. At the same time, we also need to know what is our capacity.
So, just like, say, I am lifting weights. If I can lift up 10 kg weight, and I lift up, I go to gym and lift up 1 kg weight every day. That’s not going to lead to much exercise or muscle building.
I have to lift up at 10 kg, 11 kg, maybe 12 kg. Then gradually, my muscles will improve. If I lift up 25 kg, I just crumble a little bit.
So, like that, we have to know what is our capacity to take up anxiety. And we can take up that much or a little more. And how do we know what is our capacity? When we start doing services, every service will cause some anxiety.
But, if anxiety is the constant state of mind we are in because of a service, everybody, whichever service we are doing, we all face challenges in that service. But there are some challenges which we like to face. And some challenges, we just, they scare us.
We will run away from it. So, that is actually in the broad principle of Arunashram, is that this world is filled with problems, but Varunashram’s expertise is that it allocates people the problems they like to face. So, Brahmanas like to study.
So, then, they are given intellectual challenges. Vaishyas like to earn money. They are given money-raising challenges.
So, like that, we need to find out what is it that will inspire us, trigger us. It makes us feel inspired to take up a challenge. Then, the initial days of our life, the initial days of our spiritual life, we just do whatever services we are told.
But as we are doing our services, we keep observing. And we will find out, this is what I am comforted with. This is guna-karma-vibhagashyam.
Guna and karma, broadly, it can be classified as, guna means we feel internally comfortable doing it. Karma means we are externally competent at doing it. So, when we find that, okay, this service, I feel comfortable doing it, I am competent doing it.
Then, gradually, we can gravitate towards that. And then, in that service, also sometimes we may feel, this is too much. But overall, in those challenges, in that service, not just a particular service, but in that area, whatever is our talent, God-given abilities, there we feel stimulated.
See, some challenges make us feel stimulated. Some challenges make us feel burdened. So, we have to gradually gravitate towards those challenges which make us feel stimulated.
But that will take time. You know, the mind is so cunning that, you know, whenever we are doing any service, the mind will say, if we leave it to the mind to decide, what is my nature? The mind will simply say, whatever you are doing now, that is not your nature. And, that’s how it will keep us miserable.
So, we won’t discover our nature just by giving up whatever service I am doing and taking up sadhana service. Actually, to discover our nature also requires at least some level of sattva god. So, we just do whatever services we are told to do.
We become sadhana bhakti, we become purified. And gradually, we can gravitate towards that. So, while we are doing whatever services we are doing, we can do them to the capacity that it causes some anxiety, but not unbearable anxiety.
If we are feeling too much stressed and constantly stressed, then we can talk with our senior devotees and maybe adjust our service so that we will be, we will feel stimulated but not burdened. Does that answer your question?