Even after practicing bhakti we explode at people who irritate us – what can we do?
So when somebody who is a non devotee is related with us they become irritable for whatever reason sometimes we also become irritable and hit back at them and then we feel guilty that as devotees we should be acting as models so what should we do in such a situation again I would say we also have to accept ourselves for who we are you know we also have our limits of tolerance that doesn't mean that we just hit back and rationalise that whatever I did it was just natural for me but we cannot expect unrealistic levels of saintliness from ourselves. We all have our limits and if in a particular situation we find that our pressure point is being exceeded then at that time it may be best to withdraw from the situation we are expected to be even tempered not short tempered and yes as we keep practicing bhakti as we keep getting purified that even temperedness will come more and more but till it comes we all need to recognise our limits willpower is a finite resource it is not an infinite resource so if our willpower is already expended on many different issues then we may not have the adequate willpower at a particular time to deal with a particular issue so when I say willpower is a finite resource means say if I have a capacity to lift weights and I have lifted weights already a porter who has lifted weights throughout the day at the end of the day that porter may not be able to lift the same weight which that porter could have lifted at the start of the day because the energy is exhausted although the bodily capacity in terms of the muscles are there but at that particular point the energy is not there so like that we may also in particular situations be more vulnerable to anger so if we find ourselves in that situation it is best to withdraw not as that again we have to accept that in this situation I tend to get provoked so what can I do to avoid that situation what can I do to manage that situation to stay calm and to give a sane answer if I can do that that is great but if I can't do that just beating myself up is not going to help me just as anger is a thing which is there within us it can't it has to be worked away it can't be wished away so we have our will power and by will power when we feel angry we can control the anger but we have to check how much we can deal with in a particular situation so yeah sometimes when confrontations happening walking away might seem rude or might aggravate the situation but it may well be that staying there may aggravate the situation further so we have to use our intelligence to decide how best we can deal with that situation and that intelligence has to be based on a realistic assessment of our capacities so if if we can anticipate in advance you know ok some issues are building up now this happened that happened that happened and now these three things have happened fourth thing happens in my relationship with this person it's going to be difficult for me to control myself I am going to explode so better anticipate that and maybe have a plan a discussion where we address the issues calmly not let all those three issues come out after when the confrontation is happening over some fourth issue so basically say if we are going on a road and we know there is a pothole somewhere in the road then we have to plan in advance if we can go around the pothole or the pothole is just full across the road only no way to go across it then we slow down so that we can go through the pothole so we prepare so like that in our journey of relationships also sometimes we hit potholes and if we are going on a road regularly we know at this point there is going to be pothole so let me go slowly or let me go the other way so like that if we can also observe our relationships and the patterns within them we can also come to know which are the situations which are volatile and then if you plan a little bit in advance then we can deal with them in an appropriate way so we can also plan how we could we could connect with things which make us calm sometimes when we get angry maybe just chanting Hare Krishna in the mind maybe remembering some words maybe remembering some devotee who we know is very calm maybe praying to Krishna with a specific prayer or taking deep breaths or whatever it is that works for us for controlling our anger if we can have some strategy that works for us planned and ready at that time that may also help us to restrain our anger so tolerance is a virtue and tolerance can help us to avoid the confrontations that come because of anger but we also have to know that our capacity for tolerance is not infinite and so being realistic, accepting our limitations, our vulnerability to anger beyond particular points we need to plan properly and then deal with the situation thank you.