Bring out the best you 2 – Social help

[Retreat at Fort Clinch State Park, Amelia Islands, USA]

So I’ll continue with our discussion on social help as a part of bringing out our best. I shall quickly summarise what I spoke yesterday and how it will lead to today’s topic. So I spoke about self-help, how within us, there is a part that needs help, and there’s a part that can help.
So people, even ordinary people, will feel that there is some demon within me, something within me which makes me unrecognisable to myself. So that we understand from the Bhagavad Gita, that the subtle level between the soul and the body is the software. The software is what we need for working in the programme.
The software can have certain default settings, which can be unhealthy, unwanted. So the installed programmes are like the intelligence, the software is like the default settings. Then within that, how do we change the default settings? Discussed about three R’s.
Does anyone remember? Redirection, restriction, and then reconstruction. Yeah, good. Then I talked about, while we are changing the default settings, for doing all these three, we need our intelligence.
So the intellectual conviction is like the fuel for our resolutions to take off. Without a fuel, a plane can’t fly. That without intellectual conviction, we won’t be able to perceive it.
Then, just like a bird, it has an innate capability to fly, which it develops a practise. So for us to grow spiritually, to develop our abilities in a mood of service to patient, to remove the blockages that are there, it either block or misdirect us, like water flowing from a tank gets blocked or misdirected. So like that, our consciousness gets blocked or misdirected by various things.
So those blockages can be removed by the practise of bhakti. So when the bird learns to fly by practise, like that we also learn to fly, learn to become more positive. Then towards the end, I talked about how the door to inner change can be opened only by us.
No one else can open it for us. I talked about cultivating self-awareness. Three questions, what am I doing? Why am I doing? And how am I doing it? So that is basically to reorient the plane of the mind.
And also, when the mind distracts us towards some fantasy, you can get reality by just verbalising our emotions, verbalising our situations, verbalising our surroundings. You can force the mind back to external consciousness, away from the mind’s distracting imaginations. And then I talked about how the desire to change from within, that is what is required from inside, but it also can come from outside.
And that is where association comes in. So broadly, our three seminars are for bringing out our best from inward, from outward, and from upwards. So how do we get that help? So let’s start with today about social help in that.
Now, external and internal, they have a reciprocal relationship. Some people say, actually, ultimately change is internal. You have to change your internals.
Yes, we have to change our internals, but the externals very strongly affect the internals. So for example, if I put both my feet on this chair and I relax back, I say, you know, I am very humble. It may be, but it’s very unlikely that somebody can feel humility in that posture.
That posture by itself is a bossy posture. So our external actions, they affect our internal dispositions. And among the externals that affect our internals the most is association.
The Bhagavad Gita says in the second chapter, 62nd verse, Sangat Sanjayate Kamaha, that in our association, our desires develop. Now, of course, there is also the other part to it, that as per our desires, we choose our association also. Say, if I am very interested in sports, in a particular sport, maybe I’m interested in baseball, then I look if I’m in a community, if I’m in a college, I look for who are our baseball fans, and I naturally associate with them.
So that is, by our association, by our disposition, we select our association. But sometimes our disposition also affects our association. An Indian doesn’t know anything about baseball.
They just know about cricket. But when an Indian comes to America, the people are mad after baseball over here. And in six months, by associating with American students, the student may also, who has never heard of baseball, may start becoming a passionate baseball fan.
So what has happened? The association has changed the disposition. So this is cumulative, both happens. Now, so that’s why the external-internal, there’s a dynamic relationship between it.
Both affect each other. Now, among, if we see in the Bhagavad Gita, third chapter, Krishna talks about what is it that makes us do things which we don’t want to do. In 3.36, Arjuna asks this question.
अथकेन प्रयुक्तोयं पापम्चरति पूरुषः अनिच्छन पिवार्ष्णेय बलादिवन्योजितः He says, what is it that makes me do things which I do not want to do? And Krishna tells, it is kama, it is misdirected desire. And there, when he talks about the process by which this desire is to be controlled, first thing he says is, change your externals. तस्मात्तो विल्द्रियान्यादो न्यम्यभर्कर्ष्व Regulate the contact of the senses with the sense objects.
So that is the beginning, that is not the conclusion, and that alone is never enough, but that is essential. Now, relatively speaking, say if somebody is an alcoholic, for the alcoholic to give up the desire for alcohol is going to take a long time. But to say, stop associating with alcoholics, that is easier, that is also difficult because one may have close friends over there.
But relatively speaking, it is easier. Changing our association is actually easier than changing our disposition. And because association affects disposition, to the extent we change the association to what we want, say if a person who is alcoholic decides to associate with friends who are sober, then that association will promote that disposition.
So changing association is relatively easier. And that is foundational for changing the disposition. Yesterday we talked about how just the instruction from somewhere outside is alone not enough.
We need our own conviction. Now, in this, when I want to talk about social association, I’m not going to talk so much about the spiritual master and our spiritual guides. I’m talking more about association of people who either are equals.
Little bit I’ll talk about spiritual guides, but it’s more of our association around us. So changing our association is easier. And Srila Prabhupada did not just start to share Krishna consciousness.
He started to create a society for Krishna consciousness. Why? Because Krishna consciousness, although it’s a matter of consciousness, that consciousness can be cultivated only in association. Without association, it’s very difficult.
If somebody has to be alone somewhere without association, then that person will need to create some kind of association. Now maybe talk with other people, inspire them a little bit, find out who’s interested, and then create some association. So without association, it is very difficult.
So changing our association is easier. So if I want to develop a particular habit, say if I want to, we can talk, alcoholic is just a person who is completely non-devotee. But somebody is trying to practise bhakti.
Now they may have some devotee friends, they may have some non-devotee friends. Now one doesn’t necessarily have to give up the non-devotee friends, but one may have to come closer to devotee friends. So when we come closer to devotees, that shapes our disposition.
If I want to, say, learn to worship the deities, I’ll want to learn kirtan. I associate with devotees who sing nicely, that inspires me, okay, I want to learn this. So basically, association changing, it facilitates, and it is easier among the two.
Now, at the same time, this is, changing externals is almost always necessary, and almost never sufficient for changing internals. Alcoholics, just by relocating the house from one place to another, from close to a bar to a distance away from the bar, that alone is not going to be enough to help that alcoholic to break free from alcohol. There has to be an internal change also that has to happen.
But changing externals, it’s almost always necessary. There might be some exceptional person who might be working in a bar, but who is a teetotaler. It’s unlikely.
But that person, if it all is there, maybe I’m a lifelong teetotaler. Otherwise, somebody who’s a recovering alcoholic cannot do that. Changing externals is necessary.
But sometimes, if we just focus too much on that, and don’t work on changing internals, then the internal desire will drag us where it can be fulfilled. See, basically, how does our consciousness go towards a particular thing? So either we see the object and the desire is triggered within us, or the desire comes within us and then we go towards the object. There are broadly two ways.
So in a sense, ultimately, the desire is for the soul. The soul is desiring. And when we say we get the desire, usually that, even if there’s no external object, then the desire comes from some inner recollection.
So we could say the desire can be triggered either by an external perception, external object that we perceive, or it can be triggered by our inner recollection. I remember something. The alcoholic may just be in a nice company, but then somebody, he sees a bottle.
They’re drinking some simple cold drink, but that bottle remains off. So what has happened? Or the person goes to a party where somebody is drinking, and the desire comes up. So either way, our desires, they can be triggered by external perception or internal recollection.
Both of these are not actually the sources of the desire. They are triggers. Now, when somebody is shot, and they press a trigger, and the bullet goes, thunk! It can be a fatal wound.
Now, if there were no bullet inside, even if the trigger is pressed, nothing will happen. So the pressing of the trigger is not the cause of the death of the person. It is the pressing of the trigger, as the word says, trigger.
That’s what initiated it. That’s what started off the event, but the cause is the presence of the bullet inside. So similarly, no one can blame the externals for one’s actions.
See, the externals are triggers, and the triggers will trigger only when there is a bullet inside. Only when there is the desire inside us, the trigger will trigger. So sometimes, some people who are unable to give up something, they may blame their circumstance.
Yes, our circumstance does affect us, but that is a factor. That is not the cause. That is a factor, not the cause.
So for example, in the same Bhagavad Gita, the third chapter only, Krishna talks about kama. Kama is basically lust. And then he says, it can have many different meanings.
One meaning is lust. So Krishna discusses where is lust situated. And in 3.40, he says that, indriyani mano buddhir asyadhishthanam uchyate etair vimohayatyesha jnanam avarthidehinam He says, it is situated in the senses, the mind and the intelligence.
indriyani mano buddhir It’s interesting, Krishna doesn’t say that lust is situated in the sense objects. Now we may see some image, we may see some person, and our desire may get triggered. But Krishna is not saying that person is the source.
The source is within us. So, somebody else may see that same person and may feel no desire triggered in them. If a person is, say, pre-adolescent, a small child is there, that person may see somebody attractive, but no desire will be triggered.
No sensual desire will be triggered. Why? Because inside there is nothing. When we say we need to change the externals, there is one extreme is to say that, because the externals are like this, therefore I can’t change.
No, the externals are not responsible for the way I am. The externals may provide the triggers, but it is I who have the bullet inside me. It is I who has the contamination, and it is I who let that contamination get activated.
Along with that, so one extreme is to hold the external alone responsible. The other extreme is to say that the external is irrelevant. Okay, actually, ultimately, if I just have conviction, I won’t do it.
No. If an alcoholic goes to a bar, a recovering alcoholic goes to a bar and says, you know, I just have self-control. It’s not going to work.
Why? Because our willpower is a finite resource. It is not an infinite resource. Willpower is a finite resource means the willpower is like muscles.
So, if I am lifting weights, then I can go and lift weights once, twice, thrice, depending on how much weight it is. I may have capacity to lift 20 times, but in the 21st time if I have to lift the weight, I will just pain so much that I will not be able to lift it. So like that, every time when we are presented with a temptation and we need to resist that temptation, it exhausts our willpower.
Now, we could say, actually, it’s not exhausting my willpower. I am exercising my willpower. Yes, lifting up weights is exercise, but even our capacity to exercise is limited.
Exercising may lead to strengthening of my muscles, but that is not going to happen immediately. Now, for days, months, years, when I keep exercising, then my muscles become stronger. But ultimately, my muscles, the capacity is limited.
So similarly, actually, our willpower is a finite resource. And every time we are confronted with some temptation. Now, what temptation will exhaust our willpower and what temptation will not even require any willpower? That will vary from person to person.
Somebody who has never drunk alcohol and has no inclination to drink, then that person may be among colleagues who are all drinking, resisting it doesn’t require any willpower. So, because that desire in turn is not there. But, for somebody who is recovering from alcoholism, for that person, every time that stimulation comes, then there has to be the expanding of the willpower.
And we don’t have infinite willpower. So usually, if we put ourselves in provoking situations indiscriminately, we think, oh, it’s just a matter of willpower. I’ll be able to control it.
No. We may be able to control for some time, but after some time, our willpower will get exhausted and we will succumb. That’s why I said, changing externals is almost always necessary.
Because our willpower is limited. And that’s why Krishna says that actually we need to, if you see the same thread of thought is there in the second chapter also. In 2.58 he used the example, yada samhara te chayam kurmo anganiva sarvasah indriyan indriya arthe This is an example he says that just as a tortoise withdraws its limbs, like that we need to withdraw our senses from the sense objects.
So which particular object we need to withdraw ourselves from, that will vary depending on what we are vulnerable to. But that is required. Otherwise, our willpower will get expended.
And more importantly, even if we don’t succumb, our willpower is not just meant for saying no to negative things. Our willpower is meant for saying yes to positive things. Say if a student is working on a computer and the student wants to study and at the same time some match is going on.
The student is thinking, maybe I should watch this match. Maybe I should look at these updates. Now the person thinks, no, no, I am not going to do it.
No, I want to do it. No, I won’t do it. Even if the person doesn’t watch that match, but the energy, the consciousness is going, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.
And what has happened is the student is not able to study. So the student may say, ok, next two hours I want to study, I’ll just block off. You know, they go cold turkey.
Just cut off the internet. Just focus on studies. So, sometimes what happens, we spend a lot of time battling over choices.
Should I do this or should I do this? Should I do this or should I do this? Sometimes that battling over choices is required. But sometimes if some choice is something which I know I don’t want to do this, but still that allurement is coming, then it is better best to just create a distance, to cut off. Rather than battling over choices, we can choose our battles.
Choose our battles. This resisting this temptation, maybe I’ll be able to do it, but I don’t want to have that distraction. Just put it off.
Just cut off that thing. So this is changing externals. It is almost always necessary, because otherwise our finite willpower will get depleted and we will succumb.
And even if we don’t succumb, our finite willpower will be less productively used. It will just be used to say no to something negative, not yes to something positive. At the same time, changing the externals is never sufficient.
It is never sufficient. Why? Because once the desire comes internally, if I don’t resist that desire, that desire will drag me towards a sense object. It will drag me towards whatever it is.
I decide I want to do, I don’t want to do, but we will get distracted. So the process of Bhakti Yoga, if you consider, say, this is my conscience, this is the soul. The soul is what actually ultimately chooses.
The soul may get propositions either from external perception, come on, why don’t you eat this? Or it may get a proposition from internal recollection. Hey, last time I ate that, it was so good. Where will that be available? I want to go and eat it.
So the proposition can come from either external perception or internal recollection. And when it comes, it is the soul who chooses. So the internal recollections, what are there, changing that takes time.
And changing our inner memories is actually the process of Bhakti. So which I will talk about in our next talk. But here, till now I talked a lot about how our external association, if it drags us down, we need to create a distance.
We need to avoid the sense objects. So it is not sufficient, but it is necessary. If I move on, now how does association actually work? To understand this, there is a fundamental principle in psychology that our desires are not just linear.
Our desires are triangular. What do you mean by triangular desires? Say, suppose some new cell phone model comes up. And there is an advertisement.
Oh, this new cell phone. Oh, this specification, that specification, that specification. Now, okay, some people may see it, some people may read it.
But then, we see some VIP, some Hollywood star, some sports star, some very well-known person. I am using this cell phone. And this is the best cell phone I have.
So then, what happens is, seeing that person using the cell phone, our desire for that phone increases. So our desire does not come so much by just seeing that object. Our desire comes by seeing someone enjoying that object.
So seeing an object and getting the desire is linear desires. Seeing someone enjoying that object and getting that desire is triangular desire. And if you see advertisements, they tap both the linearity and the triangularity of desires.
They show the object. Like a phone, come on, buy this. Buy this.
But then, they will show some very well-known people. Well-known people, they are using their cell phone. In fact, a major portion of advertising, one of my friends is in the advertising industry, he said that, actually, in most cases, in many big companies, the budget for advertisement, for promotion is often more than the budget for production.
That’s the first thing. Especially in what is called as consumer products or luxury products, lifestyle products. Even in the budget for promotion, say, somebody makes, say in India, the Indian cricket captain, Virat Kohli, very well-known person.
Now, they may have an ad featuring him. Or in America, I don’t know any names over here. But suppose you have some person.
Now, the ad may be, say, 30 seconds. And producing that ad, may say, you know, ad is super expensive. Say, it costs $500,000.
Now, quite often, a large part of the ad, as much as they spend for producing the whole ad, if not more, they pay just for the celebrity to endorse it. Because, the whole ad is going to have an impact, but much more is that person who sees and is enjoying it. This is good.
I am using this. So, basically, our desires are not just linear. They are also triangular.
And the advertising industry uses this very well to trigger our desires. And it’s not just advertising industry. It’s in our day-to-day life also.
Like, I gave the example of a Indian coming to America. So, there was an American reporter. He wrote a long piece in New York Times after he went to India.
So, he said he had no idea what cricket is. But when he was there for three months in India, at that time, the World Cup was going on in India. Everybody was talking about cricket.
Cricket, cricket, cricket. And he, three months, he stayed there and he was associating with cricket-mad Indians. And by the time he came back, he knew practically everything about cricket.
And he had more attraction to cricket than what he had for some sports which he had learned in India. So, he wrote back about his experiences in India in a cricket-mad nation. So, now what has happened over here? Now, he might have seen some people playing cricket.
But, that would not have attracted him much. George Bernard Shaw said that cricket is a game played by eleven fools and watched by eleven thousand fools. That could apply to any game in a sense.
But the point is, if I don’t know anything about the game, it’s just a sight. I see, I’m not attracted. Okay, what is this going on? Something is going on.
But when I see somebody enjoying that, somebody playing that, somebody passionate about that, then that triggers my desire. And then I become interested. What is this? How is it played? Now, this principle of the triangularity of desires is especially vital in spiritual life.
Why? Because in material life, many of the things that we are attracted to, they also look attractive to our senses. If there’s some food which is to be eaten, if there is some movie which is to be seen, if sports are to be played, whatever it is, some gadget is to be bought, they often look attractive even to our senses. Very attractive.
But, with respect to spirituality, often what we call as spiritual sense objects. Spiritual sense objects may or may not look attractive to our senses. Now, if I look at a Bhagavad Gita, okay, there are millions of books in the world, this Bhagavad Gita is one book.
What’s so special about it? But if I associate with someone who is filled with Gita wisdom, who actually relishes the Gita, who shares the Gita, and then I read this book, I didn’t know what is so special about this book. When I was first introduced to Bhakti, about 20 years ago, so one of my friends, who had been a friend earlier, he came and gave me the Bhagavad Gita. And the first thing I told him, I have read this already, and I read it.
But then he says, no, you have not read this Bhagavad Gita. I said, Bhagavad Gita is Bhagavad Gita, what is the difference? He says, no, can’t you see the difference in me, he said. And he had been a typical lucky-go-happy, materialistic kind of person, and I saw now he had become a serious devotee.
I used to think I was quite a pious person, but this person had changed much more than me. I said, oh, maybe, you know, okay, let me read this Gita. Then I took that Gita at that time.
So what happened is, that his, although I knew about the Gita, I don’t think it has any special, okay, one book among thousands of books that I have read. But seeing him, seeing his example, that triggered the desire to read the Gita again. So actually, especially in spiritual circles, the desire comes more by association than just by perception.
Many Indians, like many young Indians, they come to America for developing a career, and when they come to Iskcon temples, especially some temples with a lot of western devotees, one of the things that they observe is that Kirtan is a part of Indian pious culture. And most of the time, Kirtan means somebody is singing and everybody is folding hands in a very reverential mode. But, among the devotees when Kirtan is performed, it’s a very intense, involving activity.
Okay, I’ve heard this Hare Krishna Mantra, I’ve heard it singing so many times. But then you come and see devotees with closed eyes, with bright faces, with smiles, with so much absorption, chanting. Hey, maybe there’s something special about this mantra.
I want to know what this is. I thought I knew it, but I think I don’t know it. So, with respect to spiritual subjects, spiritual topics, spiritual objects, we could say, it is association that triggers our desire.
So, if you go to the temple, and many temples have deities, now to the uninformed eye, the deities may just look like decorated dolls. But then you meet someone who has been very intelligent, very mature person, and that person has been serving the deities for 20 years. And every day waking up, every day dressing the deities, every day decorating the deities, deities start wondering, what is this? Something special over here.
So, Sangat Sanjayate Kama Bhakti Sanjayate Bhakti In general, desires develop in association. That’s what the Bhagavata says. But Bhagavatam says, it is in devotee association that devotion develops.
So, our desires are triangular. And anything that we wish to do, if we wish to do it seriously, we need to associate with those who are doing that seriously. Whatever it is, by their association, our desire will get stimulated.
So, this is, this brings me to the next point, that when we associate, the essence of association is not just physical proximity. It is the transfer of desires. When I associate with someone, what is the result of that association? Oh, we just came, we had a nice chat, and they went their way, I went my way.
Then that’s not really association. Association means, when we associate with that person, that person’s desires come to us. In the start of the Bhagavad Gita, Arjuna was apprehensive, reluctant to do his duty.
But by the end of the Bhagavad Gita, after hearing Arjuna, what happened? Arjuna did not say to Krishna, Krishna, nice lecture. And then he went his way. He said, karishye vacinam tava I will do your will.
So, what happened to Arjuna was, his desire was transferred. Krishna’s desire, his desire was transformed because Krishna’s desire to establish Dharma was transferred to him. So, transformation of desires often is initiated and stimulated by the transfer of desires.
I want to transform my desires. But say, I have a desire to watch movies. But now, I want to read scriptures.
I want to transform my desire. But where will this transformation start with? It will begin to transfer. Somebody else who is reading scripture, I associate with them and I get it.
Oh, I want to read it. here, I would like to do a simple thought exercise. I will share some experience and some of you can also share some experience about how association sometimes prompts us to look at ourselves and to examine ourselves, to change ourselves.
So, this can be among devotees, it can even be among, before we come to devotees. So, before, almost 25 years ago, when I was studying my engineering, I had, I was doing once some lab work in my electronic telecommunications lab and suddenly a friend came there and he said, hey, there is wildlife on your dress, on your clothes. The first thing I said, don’t kill it.
And then I looked around and there was a small ant and I just picked up the ant and then I let it come on my finger and put it on the ground. And the next day, we were all together and somebody had done something which made me very angry. And I was so angry, I just clenched my fist and you know, I’ll kill you.
I didn’t mean it obviously, but I was so angry. And then, after that, this friend just tapped me on the shoulder and said, that time, you are not ready to let me kill even an ant. Now, how could you even say that you want to kill him? That just jolted me.
How could the same person, you know, so non-violent at that time, and it was completely a reflex action. I didn’t even know what was there. As soon as I said, hey, there’s wildlife on your shoulder.
Don’t kill it. So, it was so reflexive for me, but at this point, suddenly, what happened? So, that was the time when I started thinking. There is something peculiar going on inside.
I didn’t know what it was. So, when I read the Bhagavad Gita and then the same verse which I quoted earlier, you know, what is it that makes one do wrong things? That was the verse which just resonated with me immediately. I could see there is some force inside me which just prompts us, which forces us to do certain things which we don’t want to do.
And that reminder that there is something wrong over here, that comes by association. It can come even by some non-devotees also, what to speak of a devotee. So, would any of you like to share any experiences of, say, how sometimes an association stimulated introspection.
Association just suddenly jolted you. What is going on in my life? What am I doing? Why am I thinking like this? So, what I am talking about in this section is that how association changes our disposition, how association changes our desire, how association changes us ultimately. So, the change has to be done by us, but the stimulus for change can come from association.
So, would anyone like to speak something? Any experiences? Yeah. So, I’ll continue with our discussion on social help as a part of bringing out our best. I’ll quickly summarise what I spoke yesterday and how it will lead to today’s topic.
So, I spoke about self-help, how within us there is a part that needs help and there is a part that can help. So, people, even ordinary people feel that there is some demon within me, something within me which makes me unrecognisable to myself. So, that we understand from the Bhagavad Gita that the subtle level between the soul and the body is the software.
And the software is what we need for working in the programme. The software can have certain default settings which can be unhealthy, unwanted. The installed programmes are like the intelligence, the software is like the default settings.
And then within that, how do we change the default settings? Discussed about three R’s. Does anyone remember? Redirection, restriction and then reconstruction. And then I talked about while we are changing the default settings, for doing all these three we need our intelligence.
So, intellectual conviction is like the fuel for our resolutions to take off. Without a fuel, a plane can’t fly. Without intellectual conviction, we won’t be able to perceive it.
And then just like a bird, it has an innate capability to fly which it develops as a practise. So, for us to grow spiritually, to develop our abilities in a mood of service to a patient, to remove the blockages that are there, it will either block or misdirect us. Like water flowing from a tank gets blocked or misdirected.
So, like that our consciousness gets blocked or misdirected by various things. So, those blockages can be removed by the practise of bhakti. So, when we the bird learns to fly by practise, like that we also learn to fly.
Learn to become more positive. And then towards the end, I talked about how the the door to inner change can be opened only by us. No one else can open it for us.
I talked about cultivating self-awareness. Three questions. What am I doing? Why am I doing? And how am I doing it? So, that is basically to reorient the plane of the mind.
And also, when the mind distracts us towards some fantasy, you can get reality by just verbalising our emotions, verbalising our situations, verbalising our surroundings. You can force the mind back to external consciousness. To away from the mind’s distracting imaginations.
And then I talked about how the desire to change from within, that is what is required from inside. But it also can come from outside. And that is where association comes.
So, broadly our three seminars are for bringing out our best from inward, from outward and from upwards. So, how do we get that help? So, let’s start with today about social help. In that, now, external and internal, they have a reciprocal relationship.
Some people say, actually, ultimately change is internal. You have to change your internals. Yes, we have to change our internals.
But the externals very strongly affect the internals. So, for example, if I put my both my feet on this chair and I relax back, I say, you know, I am very humble. It may be, but it is very unlikely that somebody can feel humility in that posture.
That posture by itself is a bossy posture. So, our externals actions, they affect our internal dispositions. And among the externals that affect our internals the most is association.
The Bhagavad Gita says in the second chapter, 62nd verse, that in our association our desires develop. Now, of course, there is also the other part to it, that as per our desires, we choose our association also. Say, if I am very interested in sports, in a particular sport, maybe I am interested in baseball, then I look if I am in a community, if I am in a college, I look for who are our baseball fans, and I naturally associate with them.
So that is, by our association, by our disposition, we select our association. But sometimes our disposition also affects our association. An Indian doesn’t know anything about baseball.
They just know about cricket. But when an Indian comes to America, the people are mad after baseball over here. And in six months, by associating with American students, the student may also, who has never heard of baseball, may start becoming a passionate baseball fan.
So what has happened? The association has changed their disposition. So this is cumulative. Both happens.
Now, so that’s why the external-internal, there’s a dynamic relationship between it. Both affect each other. Now, among, if we see in the Bhagavad Gita, third chapter, Krishna talks about what is it that makes us do things which we don’t want to do.
In 3.4, 36, Arjuna asks this question. He says, what is it that makes me do things which I do not want to do? And Krishna tells, it is kama, it is misdirected desire. And there, when he talks about the process by which this desire is to be controlled, first thing he says is, change your externals.
Tasmat tam indriyanya nyamya bharatashyapa. Regulate the contact of the senses with the sense objects. So that is the beginning.
That is not the conclusion. That alone is never enough. But that is essential.
Now, relatively speaking, say somebody is an alcoholic, for the alcoholic, to give up the desire for alcohol is going to take a long time. But to say, stop associating with alcoholics, that is easier. That is also difficult because one may have close friends over there.
But relatively speaking, it is easier. Changing our association is actually easier than changing our disposition. And because association affects disposition, to the extent we change the association to what we want, say if a person who is alcoholic decides to associate with friends who are sober, then that association will promote that disposition.
So, changing association is relatively easier. And that is foundational for changing the disposition. Yesterday we talked about how just the instruction from somewhere outside is alone not enough.
We need our own conviction. Now, in this, when I am going to talk about social association, I am not going to talk so much about the spiritual master and our spiritual guides. I am talking more about association of people who are either are equals.
Little bit I will talk about spiritual guides. But it is more of our association around us. So, changing our association is easier.
And Srila Prabhupada did not just start to share Krishna Consciousness. He started to create a society for Krishna Consciousness. Why? Because Krishna Consciousness, although it is a matter of consciousness, that consciousness can be cultivated only in association.
Without association, it is very difficult. If somebody has to be alone somewhere without association, then that person will need to create some kind of association. Now, maybe talk with other people, inspire them a little bit, find out who is interested and then create some association.
So, without association, it is very difficult. So, changing our association is easier. So, if I want to develop a particular habit, say if I want to talk, alcoholic is just a person who is completely non-devotee.
But somebody is like trying to practise bhakti. Now, they may have some devotee friends, they may have some non-devotee friends. Now, one does not necessarily have to give up the non-devotee friends, but one may have to come closer to devotee friends.
So, when we come to closer to devotees, that shapes our disposition. If I want to say, learn to worship the deities, I want to learn kirtan, I associate with devotees who sing nicely, that inspires me. I want to learn this.
So, basically, association changing, it facilitates and it is easier among the two. Now, at the same time, this is, changing externals is almost always necessary and almost never sufficient for changing internals. Alcoholics, just by relocating the house from one place to another, from close to a bar, to a distance away from the bar, that alone is not going to be enough to help that alcoholic to break free from alcohol.
There has to be an internal change also that has to happen. But changing externals, it’s almost always necessary. There might be some exceptional person who might be working in a bar, but who is a teetotaler? It is unlikely.
But that person, if it all is there, maybe I am a lifelong teetotaler. Otherwise, a recovering alcoholic cannot do that. Changing externals is necessary.
But sometimes, if we just focus too much on that and don’t work on changing internals, then the internal desire will drag us where it can be fulfilled. See, basically, how does our consciousness go towards a particular thing? So either we see the object and the desire is triggered within us, or the desire comes within us and then we go towards the object. There are broadly two ways.
So, in a sense, ultimately the desire is for the soul. The soul is desiring. And when we say we get the desire, usually that even if there is no external object, then the desire comes from some inner recollection.
So we could say the desire can be triggered either by an external perception, external object that we pursue, or it can be triggered by our inner recollection. I remember something. The alcoholic may just be in a nice company, but then somebody sees a bottle.
They are drinking some simple cold drink. Oh, but that bottle remains off. So what has happened? Or the person goes to a party where somebody is drinking and the desire comes up.
So either way, our desires, they can be triggered by external perception or internal recollection. Now both of these are not actually the sources of the desire. They are triggers.
Now when somebody is shot and they press a trigger and the bullet goes thunk! It can be a fatal wound. Now, if there were no bullet inside, even if the trigger is pressed, nothing will happen. So the pressing of the trigger is not the cause of the death of the person.
It is the pressing of the trigger, as the word says, trigger. That’s what initiated it. That’s what started off the event, but the cause is the presence of the bullet inside.
So similarly, no one can blame the externals for one’s actions. The externals are triggers. And the triggers will trigger only when there is a bullet inside.
Only when there is the desire inside us, the trigger will trigger. So sometimes, some people who are unable to give up something, they may blame their circumstance. Yes, our circumstance does affect us, but that is a factor, that is not the cause.
That is a factor, not the cause. So, for example, in the same Bhagavad Gita, the third chapter only, Krishna talks about kama. Kama is basically lust.
And then he says, it can have many different meanings. One meaning is lust. So Krishna discusses where is lust situated.
And in 3.40 he says that indriyāṇi manobuddhir asyādhiṣṭhānam uchyate etair vimohayateÅ›ha jñānam āvá¹›ttidehinam It is situated in the senses, the mind and the intelligence. indriyāṇi manobuddhir It’s interesting, Krishna doesn’t say that lust is situated in the sense objects. We may see some image, we may see some person, and our desire may get triggered.
But Krishna is not saying that person is the source. The source is within us. So somebody else may see that same person and may feel no desire triggering them.
If a person is, say, pre-adolescent, a small child is there, that person may see somebody attractive, but no desire will be triggered. No sensual desire will be triggered. Why? Because inside there is nothing.
So the when we say we need to change the externals, there is, one extreme is to say that, oh, because the externals are like this, therefore I can’t change. No, the externals are not responsible for the way I am. The externals may provide the triggers, but it is I who have the bullet inside me.
It is I who has the contamination and it is I who let that contamination get activated. Along with that, so one extreme is to hold the external alone responsible. The other extreme is to say that the external is irrelevant.
Okay, actually, ultimately, if I just have conviction, I won’t do it. No. If an alcoholic goes to a bar, a recovering alcoholic goes to a bar and says, you know, I just have self-control.
It’s not going to work. Why? Because our willpower is a finite resource. It is not an infinite resource.
Willpower is a finite resource means willpower is like muscles. So, if I am lifting weights, then I can go and lift weights once, twice, thrice, depending on how much weight it is. I may have capacity to lift 20 times, but in the 21st time if I have to lift the weight, it will just pain so much that I will not be able to lift it.
So like that, every time when we are presented with a temptation, and we need to resist that temptation, it exhausts our willpower. Now, we could say, actually, it’s not exhausting my willpower, I am exercising my willpower. Yes, lifting up weights is exercise, but even our capacity to exercise is limited.
Exercising may lead to strengthening of my muscles, but that is not going to happen immediately. Now, for days, months, years, when I keep exercising, then my muscles become stronger. But ultimately, my muscles, the capacity is limited.
So similarly, actually, our willpower is a finite resource. And every time we are confronted with some temptation. Now, what temptation will exhaust our willpower, and what temptation will not even require any willpower? That will vary from person to person.
Somebody who has never drunk alcohol, has no inclination to drink, then that person may be among colleagues who are all drinking, resisting, it doesn’t require any willpower. So, because that desire internally is not there. But, but for somebody who is recovering from alcoholism, for that person, every time that stimulation comes, then there has to be the expanding of the willpower.
And we cannot, we don’t have infinite willpower. So usually, if we put ourselves in provoking situations indiscriminately, it’s just a matter of willpower, I’ll be able to control it. No.
We may be able to control for some time, but after some time, our willpower will get exhausted. And we will succumb. As I said, changing externals is almost always necessary.
Because our willpower is limited. And that’s why Krishna says that actually we need to, if you see the same thread of thought is there in the second chapter also, in 2.58 he gives the example, yada samhara te chayam kurmo anganiva sarvasah. Indriyan indriya arthe, this is the second example, he says that just as a tortoise withdraws its limbs, like that we need to withdraw our senses from the sense objects.
So which particular object we need to withdraw ourselves from, that will vary, depending on what we are vulnerable to. But that is required, otherwise our willpower will get expended. And more importantly, even if we don’t succumb, now our willpower is not just meant for saying no to negative things.
Our willpower is meant for saying yes to positive things. Say if a student is working on a computer and the student wants to study and at the same time some match is going on. The student is thinking, maybe I should watch this match.
Maybe I should look at these updates. Now the person thinks, no, no, I am not going to do it. No, I want to do it.
No, I won’t do it. Even if the person doesn’t watch that match, but the energy, the consciousness has gone, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. And what has happened is the student is not able to study.
So the student might have said, ok, next 2 hours I want to study, I’ll just block off. You know, they go cold turkey. Just cut off the internet.
Just focus on studies. So, sometimes what happens, we spend a lot of time battling over choices. Should I do this or should I do this? Should I do this or should I do this? Sometimes that battling over choices is required.
But sometimes if some choice is something which I know I don’t want to do this, but still that allurement is coming, then it’s best to just create a distance, to cut off. Rather than battling over choices, we can choose our battles. Choose our battles.
You know, resisting this temptation, maybe I’ll be able to do it, but I don’t want to have that distraction. Just put it off. Just cut off that thing.
So this is changing externals. It is almost always necessary because otherwise our finite willpower will get depleted and we will succumb. And even if we don’t succumb, our finite willpower will be less productively used.
It will just be used to say no to something negative, not yes to something positive. At the same time, changing the externals is never sufficient. It’s never sufficient.
Why? Because once the desire comes internally, if I don’t resist that desire, that desire will drag me towards a sense object. It will drag me towards whatever it is. As I said, I want to do, I don’t want to do, but we’ll get distracted.
So the process of Bhakti Yoga, if you consider, say, this is my conscience, this is soul. The soul is what actually ultimately chooses. The soul may get propositions either from external perception.
Come on, why don’t you eat this? Or it may get a proposition from internal recollection. Hey, last time I ate that, it was so good. Where will that be available? I want to go and eat it.
So the proposition can come from either external perception or internal recollection. And when it comes, it is soul who chooses. So the internal recollections, what are there, changing that takes time.
And changing our inner memories is actually the process of Bhakti. So which I’ll talk about in our next talk. But here, till now I talked a lot about how our external association, if it drags us down, we need to create a distance.
We need to avoid the sense objects. So it is not sufficient, but it is necessary. If I move on, now how does association actually work? To understand this, there is a fundamental principle in psychology that our desires are not just linear.
Our desires are triangular. What do you mean by triangular desires? Say, suppose some new cell phone model comes up. And there is an advertisement.
Oh, this new cell phone, this specification, that specification, that specification. Now, okay, some people may see it, some people may read it. But then we see some VIP, some Hollywood star, some sports star, some very well-known person.
He says, I’m using this cell phone, and this is the best cell phone I have. So then, what happens is, seeing that person using the cell phone, our desire for that phone increases. So our desire does not come so much by just seeing that object.
Our desire comes by seeing someone enjoying that object. So seeing an object and getting the desire is linear desires. Seeing someone enjoying that object and getting that desire is triangular desire.
And if you see advertisements, they tap both the linearity and the triangularity of desires. They show the object, like a phone, come on, buy this, buy this. But then they will show some very well-known people.
Well-known people, they are using their cell phone. In fact, a major portion of advertising, one of my friends is in the advertising industry, he said that actually, in most cases, in many big companies, the budget for advertisement, for promotion, is often more in the budget for production. That’s the first thing.
Especially in, what is called as consumer products or luxury products, lifestyle products. So, now that, even in the budget for promotion, say, somebody makes a, say in India, there is the Indian cricket captain, Virat Kohli, very well-known person. Now, they may have an ad featuring him.
Or in America, I don’t know any names over here. But suppose you have some person. Now the ad may be say 30 seconds.
And producing that ad may say, ads are super expensive, say it costs $500,000. Now quite often, a large part of the ad, as much as they spend for producing the whole ad, that much, if not more, they pay just for the celebrity to endorse it. But because the whole ad is going to have an impact, but much more is that person who sees and joins.
Ah, this is good. I am using this. So, basically, our desires are not just linear.
They are also triangular. And the advertising industry uses this very well to trigger our desires. And it’s not just advertising industry.
It’s in our day-to-day life also. Like, I gave the example of a Indian coming to America. So there was an American reporter.
He wrote a long piece in New York Times after he went to India. So he said he had no idea what cricket is. But when he was there for three months in India, at that time the World Cup was going on in India.
Everybody was talking about cricket. Cricket, cricket, cricket. And he, three months he stayed there, and he was associated with Cricket Mad Indians, and by the time he came back, he knew practically everything about cricket.
And he had more attraction to cricket than what he had for some sports which he had learned in India. So he wrote back about his experiences in India, in a Cricket Mad nation. So, now what has happened over here? Now, he might have seen some people playing cricket.
But that would not have attracted him much. George Bernard Shaw said that cricket is a game played by 11 fools and watched by 11,000 fools. That could apply to any game, in a sense.
But the point is, if I don’t know anything about the game, it’s just a sight. I see, I’m not attracted. Okay, what is this going on? Something is going on.
But when I see somebody enjoying that, somebody playing that, somebody passionate about that, then that triggers my desire. And then I become interested. What is this? How is it played? This principle of the triangularity of desires is especially vital in spiritual life.
Why? Because in material life, many of the things that we are attracted to, they also look attractive to our senses. If there’s some food which is to be eaten, if there is some movie which is to be seen, if sports are to be played, whatever it is, some gadget is to be bought, they often look attractive even to our senses. Very attractive.
But with respect to spirituality, often what we call as spiritual sense objects. Spiritual sense objects may or may not look attractive to our senses. Now if I look at a Bhagavad Gita, okay, there are millions of books in the world.
This Bhagavad Gita is one book. What’s so special about it? But if I associate with someone who is filled with Gita wisdom, who actually relishes the Gita, who shares the Gita, and then I read this book, I didn’t know. What is so special about this book? When I was first introduced to Bhakti, about 20 years ago, one of my friends, who had been a friend earlier, he came and gave me the Bhagavad Gita.
And the first thing I told him, I have read this already. And I read it. But then he says, no, you have not read this Bhagavad Gita.
I said, Bhagavad Gita is Bhagavad Gita. What is the difference? He says, no. Can’t you see the difference in me? And he had been a typical lucky-go-happy, materialistic kind of person.
And I saw now he had become a serious devotee. I used to think I was quite a pious person. But this person had changed much more than me.
I said, oh, maybe, you know. Okay, let me read this Gita. Then I took that Gita at that time.
So what happened is that his, although I knew about the Gita, I don’t think it has any special, okay, one book among thousands of books that I have read. But seeing him, seeing his example, that triggered the desire to read the Gita again. So actually, especially in spiritual circles, the desire comes more by association than just by perception.
Many Indians, now like many young Indians, they come to America for developing a career. And when they come to Iskcon temples, especially some temples where there are a lot of western devotees, one of the things that they observe is that kirtan is a part of Indian pious culture. And most of the time, kirtan means somebody is singing and everybody is folding hands in a very reverential mode.
But, among the devotees when kirtan is performed, it’s a very intense, involving activity. Okay, I’ve heard this Hare Krishna Mahamudra, I’ve heard him singing so many times. But then you come and see devotees with closed eyes, with bright faces, with smiles, with so much absorption, chanting.
Hey, maybe there’s something special about this mantra. I want to know what this is. I thought I knew it, but I think I don’t know it.
So, with respect to spiritual subjects, spiritual topics, spiritual objects, we could say, it is association that triggers our desire. So, if you go to the temple, and many temples have Deities. Now, to the uninformed eye, the Deities may just look like decorated dolls.
But then you meet someone who has been very intelligent, very mature person, and that person has been serving the Deities for 20 years. And every day waking up, every day dressing the Deities, every day decorating the Deities, Deities start wondering, what is this? Something special over here. So, Sangha Sanjayate Kama Bhakti Sanjayate Bhakti In general, desires develop in association.
That’s what the Bhagavata says. But Bhagavatam says, it is in devotee association that devotion develops. So, our desires are triangular.
And anything that we wish to do, if we wish to do it seriously, we need to associate with those who are doing that seriously. Whatever it is, by their association, our desire will get stimulated. So, this is, this brings me to the next point.
That when we associate, the essence of association is not just physical proximity. It is the transfer of desires. When I associate with someone, what is the result of that association? Oh, we just came, we had a nice chat, and they went their way, I went my way.
Then that’s not really association. Association means, when we associate with that person, that person’s desires come to us. In the start of the Bhagavad Gita, Arjuna was apprehensive, reluctant, to do his duty.
But by the end of the Bhagavad Gita, after hearing Arjuna, what happened? Arjuna did not say to Krishna, Krishna, nice lecture. And then he went his way. He said, I will do your will.
So, what happened to Arjuna was, his desire was transferred. His desire was transformed because Krishna’s desire to establish Dharma was transferred to him. So, transformation of desires often is initiated and stimulated by the transfer of desires.
I want to transform my desires. But say, I have a desire to watch movies. But now, I want to read scriptures.
I want to transform my desire. But where will this transformation start with? It will begin with transfer. Somebody else who is reading scripture, I associate with them and I get it.
Oh, I want to read it. So, here I would like to do a simple thought exercise. I will share some experience and some of you can also share some experience about how association sometimes prompts us to look at ourselves and to examine ourselves, to change ourselves.
So, this can be among devotees, it can even be among, before we come to devotees. So, before, almost 25 years ago, when I was studying my engineering, I had, I was doing once some lab work in my electronic telecommunications lab and suddenly a friend came there and he said, hey, there is wildlife on your dress, on your clothes. The first thing I said, don’t kill it.
And then I looked around and there was a small ant and I just picked up the ant and then I let it come on my finger and put it on the ground. And the next day, we were all together and somebody had done something which made me very angry. And I was so angry, I just clenched my fist and, you know, I said, I’ll kill you.
I didn’t mean it obviously, but I was so angry. And then after that this friend just tapped me on the shoulder and said, that time you are not ready to let me kill even an ant. How could you even say that you want to kill him? That just jolted me.
How could the same person who was so non-violent at that time, and it was completely a reflex action. I didn’t even know what was there. As soon as I said, hey, there is wildlife on your shirt, don’t kill it.
So, it was so reflexive for me but at this point suddenly what happened? That was the time when I started thinking there is something peculiar going on inside. I didn’t know what it was. So, when I read the Bhagavad Gita and then the same verse which I quoted earlier, you know, what is it that makes one do wrong things? That was the verse which just resonated with me immediately.
I could see there is some force inside me which just prompts us, which forces us to do certain things which we don’t want to do. And that reminder that there is something wrong over here, that comes by association. It can come even by some non-devotees also, so to speak of a devotee.
So, would any of you like to share any experiences of say how sometimes an association stimulated introspection, association just jolted you. Hey, what is going on in my life? What am I doing? Why am I thinking like this? So, what I am talking about in this section is that how association changes our disposition, how association changes our desire, how association changes us ultimately. So, the change has to be done by us, but the stimulus for change can come from association.
So, would anyone like to speak something? Any experiences? Yeah. So, yesterday I mentioned that actually the door to inner change can be opened only from inside. Now, what can others offer us? So, this is very important, especially when there are relationships which involve influencing others.
Say for example, parents often if they want the children to become devotees, the children to live good lives, parents take a very strong sense of responsibility and ownership for that. At the same time, the children are souls in their own right, and ultimately they will grow up and they will make their choices. So, it is, we can do certain things and we can’t do certain things for others.
That choice ultimately every person has to make on their own. But what we can provide for others is these three things. Knowledge, inspiration and facilities.
Knowledge means that we can tell others and similarly association will tell us. That is what? Why should I do this? Why should I not do this? What is the consequence of doing this? What is the consequence of doing that? So, that we can tell. So, that’s knowledge.
That’s the first thing. Second thing is, and this knowledge is actually very important. Without the knowledge, in many cases, it’s very difficult to give up certain things.
Like, at one level, we all came for this retreat over here. If we didn’t have a map, how would we get here? This is the way. This is the way to go.
We need some directions. So, like that, for us to do certain things, even in our inner world, to change our own behaviour, we need knowledge. This is how it is to be done.
Without that knowledge, things can’t be done. So, here, what I am talking about, sometimes we feel inner change is simply a matter of willpower. You know, I want to do this.
If I just had enough willpower, I’ll be able to do it. And if I’m not able to do it, that means I don’t have willpower. It’s true, but willpower doesn’t exist in isolation.
Willpower, it exists in a particular context, and willpower has to be constructively applied. So, for example, say somebody has got cough. And, if that person is coughing constantly, and this person says, by willpower, next time when the cough comes, I will not cough.
And what can you do? You can’t stop coughing simply by willpower. I need the knowledge at that time. Now, cough is caused by, say, accumulation of mucus in the throat.
Then you take this medicine, or take these items, expose yourself to, take hot water, avoid taking items that stimulate mucus, and then the cough will go. So, with respect to physical disease, we really understand that willpower alone is not enough. Now, willpower is required.
Willpower is required so that I remember, you know, I will take this medicine at this time. I should not take ice cream now. Whatever it is.
But, that willpower has to be coupled with the knowledge of how to change, how to cure the disease. So, when our desires have become formed in a particular way, then, when we have to change that desire, this is just willpower alone is not enough. Now, in many cases, I may know, okay, you know, I get angry.
I should not get angry. Or, I get lusty. I get greedy.
I feel envious. I feel, I get depressed. I am just too critical of others.
Whatever it is, that are particular weaknesses which I want to give up. Now, sometimes we may just know in abstract sense, you know, okay, I should not be, I should not be so short-tempered. That’s okay.
But, that alone is knowledge which we, in one sense, we all have. I should not be doing this. But, it’s not just that knowledge we are talking about.
So, in the Bhagavad Gita, in the same chapter 3.36 to 43, there is a discussion, you know, say, consider lust, which is what the Bhagavad Gita talks about over there. Kama, desire. Now, is lust simply, is it a, is it simply a desire or is it also an object? When Krishna says lust is present in the mind, in the intelligence, in the, in the senses, that’s where he says it is present.
So, is it simply, Krishna is talking about the desire being present there or apart from the desire being present, is lust something else also like object which is there? So, or greed or anger. Now, some people are more short-tempered. So, is anger just an emotion that comes upon us sometimes or is anger something more than that which is situated in some people, more and some people less? So, actually, it is both.
You know, say, lust is both desire that comes in our mind and lust is also like a disposition that is situated in our mind. Like earlier I talked about default settings. Say, whenever if I have visited a particular site long, many times on my browser.
Say, I visited NY times, very times whenever I open my browser. Now, as soon as I type N, the browser will auto-complete as NY times. Now, I may want to go and read, say, news.iscon.com. That also is N. But as soon as I type N, it will auto-complete as NY times.
And I may have to I don’t want it to auto-complete and I type news.iscon.com So, that means what is happening over here? There is if I end up on NY times.com, how did that happen? It is ultimately my desire. But, there is also the default setting that is there. Somebody else who has never visited NY times.
Now, when they type N, the auto-complete of NY times is not going to come. So, the choice of visiting that particular site, at one level, it is made by my conscious decision to accept that auto-complete. At another level, that auto-complete coming is independent of my intention.
I might have gone there to my browser to visit some other site, but I auto-complete. So, that means in going to that site, there is an auto-complete coming and then my completing that. Okay, I click on that.
Let me go there. So, similarly, when we talk about lust or anger, there is ultimately, when I become lusty, when I become angry, when I become greedy, when I become envious, it is I who has that intention. But, in some of us, that auto-complete is present more.
Some of us, the auto-complete is present less. Or, it is not there only. Now, some people are, they call, phlegmatic.
Now, what happens, they never get angry. And, people who get angry, they get angry about everything and they get angry. Why don’t you get angry? This is so important.
How can you stay so calm? Some people say it is admiration. How do you say you stay so calm? And, some people say it in derision. Don’t you get worked up about anything? Are you such a dead person? Can’t you do something? But, the point is, in their case, such people, the phlegmatic people, that auto-complete of anger is not there only.
So, what happens? They don’t get angry very easily. It requires a lot of provocation, then they may act strongly. So, that means that, lust or greed or anger, whatever it is, it is a conditioning that is present within us.
In some of us, it is more. In some of us, it is less. That means, it is not just a desire.
Just like, to make a much simpler example, alcoholism. Now, anybody can go and drink alcohol. But, in an alcoholic, that desire to drink alcohol is much, much stronger.
So, Oscar Wilde said that, giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I have done it thousands of times. So, what happened? If you have given it up thousands of times, why did you have to give up thousands of times? That means, each time you gave up, started it again.
Again give it up, again start again. So, what that means is that, in some people, that proposition comes up again and again so strongly that we succumb to that proposition. We say no, but again the proposition comes, again yes.
No, yes. So, basically, the proposition coming and the proposition coming forcefully, that happens by our past conditionings. So, for some people who have done a particular activity many, many times, the proposition will come much, much more frequently.
For others, it may not come that frequently. So, why I am talking about this is, when you talk about knowledge, if I am coughing, my coughing is simply a symptom. Stopping the symptom is not enough.
I have to cure internally. I have to cure internally by taking the appropriate medicine. So, like that, changing ourselves, say, if I tend to get very angry, if I tend to feel very negative, then just, well, come on, think positively.
Why do you think so negative? That alone is not enough. That’s required, but then I have to find out. I have to get the knowledge.
Okay. Now, these are the situations when, instead of doing like this, I can do like this. There’s a process to be followed for curing cough and similarly there’s a process to be followed for curing our particular desires that we may have.
Now, this knowledge is important and we’ll talk more about this knowledge in terms of purification which comes from spiritual help. But the point is, in association we get knowledge. At the very basic level, the knowledge may come in terms of sudden insight.
No, I am not the body, I am the soul. And what am I doing chasing after bodily pleasures for so long? That itself may trigger us. Okay.
I am changing myself. So, knowledge. This is what it is.
It is the first thing, but it’s a very important thing. So, especially like what you talked about, you know, in India many people are vegetarian, but in America most people are non-vegetarian. So, that one should not eat meat.
That itself is knowledge. Why should I not eat? So, that knowledge comes, that starts this process. Maybe it makes sense.
So, knowledge is also very important for change and we get knowledge. Sometimes it may downplay knowledge. Knowledge also is very very important in stimulating the inner change.
Firstly, it gives us the rationale for the change and more importantly, knowledge also gives us the process for making change. Along with knowledge, there is inspiration. Inspiration means that in many cases we know, okay, I should not be doing this.
I should be doing this. But then, because everybody else is acting that way, what is the big deal? But we get some inspiration. We get some inspiration and then we find that, really? Okay.
I also want to do this. So, in association, we also get inspiration. We see some people who are acting in particular ways and we say, oh, really? It’s like this.
there is this informational knowledge that is often taught. Okay, this is the capital of this country. This is this much.
This is how you do mathematical sums. That’s informational knowledge. Informational knowledge is taught.
But transformational knowledge is much more caught than taught. When somebody has to transform themselves, then what inspires them to transform is somebody acting in that way. So, if I want to be humble, then if I see somebody who is actually far more respectable than me, who has achieved many more things than me, who is much more talented than me, and then I see that person is so humble, then I start thinking, oh, really? Otherwise, I have a right to be proud.
I think like that. But when somebody who has much more right to be proud than me, I find that person is humble, oh, maybe I should be humble. So, this inspiration is what we get in association also.
Anshula Prabhupada came to America. We were asked at different times, what have you come here for? So, at one time Prabhupada said, I have come here to teach what you have forgotten. So, what you have forgotten means? He says, I have not come to give anything new.
The knowledge of God Consciousness is there in your tradition also, but you have forgotten it. But what Anshula Prabhupada offered was an example of singular devotion. There are people who have been brought up in pious cultures, but when they heard about, they saw how Prabhupada was devoted, constantly talking about Krishna, constantly wanting to glorify Krishna, constantly wanting to share about Krishna.
You know, one devotee, Anshula Prabhupada, he said, I felt as if Prabhupada just wanted everyone to stop everything and simply start loving Krishna. That is the only thing to do in life. Of course, we can love Krishna in many different ways and in loving Krishna there are hundreds of things to do.
But the fact is, that was the inspiration that he offered. That was the inspiration. He was always thinking of Krishna.
Now, Rath Yatra is one of the biggest festivals in America. Not just America, all over the world, in terms of festivals that have come from India. Now, how does Rath Yatra start in America? Prabhupada was in San Francisco.
He was not so well. And he was just walking in his room and one day he saw a flatbed truck. A flatbed truck.
Okay, that’s a very mundane sight. But Prabhupada saw that flatbed truck and just by seeing that truck, he got the idea. Okay.
Now, we could put Jagannath Balde Subhadra on these trucks and then we could have a card festival. Chariot festival. Now, how many millions of people have seen flatbed trucks? Whoever thought about converting a flatbed truck into a chariot for their lordships.
So, when devotees saw how Krishna conscious Prabhupada was, how everything was connected with Krishna. Oh, I should also become Krishna conscious. So, this is the inspiration that comes.
And third is that devotee association also provides the facilities. That if I want to practise bhakti, how do I do that? Like I said, waking up in the morning. If I want to wake up in the morning, then I may be at my home, I decide I wake up.
But then what happens? When the alarm rings, the alarm rings externally, but another alarm rings internally. Shut it off and go to sleep. And ta-da! We shut it off and just go to sleep again.
So, but when we are in devotee association, then we see everyone else waking up. Then what happens? If we can come and stay with devotees, especially when we have to wake up in the morning, then that is a facility. If you want to eat prasad, if that facility is provided, then it becomes much, much, much easier to do it.
And in devotee association, if at all we want to inspire others to practise bhakti, it’s not just enough to give knowledge or even to be an inspiring example. It’s also important to provide facilities. How can students actually, how can someone in their particular situation start practising bhakti? So, say for example, now we have this bhakti house in Jacksonville, we have Krishna house in Gainesville.
So these are facilities. In many other places in America, I’ve travelled for three years now, there are many places college programmes are going on. But, such a facility of staying together with devotees is not there.
And that’s why it’s quite difficult at that time. Students come for programme, they come year after year, but without the facility, they’re in their hostels, it becomes quite difficult. So then association also usually provides these facilities.
Now, we can apply this in two ways. One is that that association is meant to provide all this. And if we are giving association to others, wherein we are trying to share bhakti principles with others, we should try to see what all can we provide.
But another is that when we come in association, are we taking this? Sometimes association can also become simply a social circle. It’s a place for socialising. That’s also good.
But you know, our socialisation is for spiritualization. We want to socialise so that we can spiritualise our consciousness. So, if we are taking this in association, if we are finding, so it may not be that in devotee association everybody can provide knowledge, everybody can provide inspiration, everybody can provide the facilities.
No. There may be some particular devotees who can do it and then we may have to associate with them. Sometimes you may come in devotee association and in devotee association we may actually lose our devotion.
How can that happen? Because if I associate with devotees who are apathetic, if I associate with devotees who are offensive, who are critical, then in devotee association also I may lose this. So, when I come in devotee association, what is my purpose? My purpose is to learn about Krishna. So, when I have that purpose clearly in mind, then I can move on.
So, now we could say devotee association is like say a stock exchange. When people go in a stock exchange, they all want to increase the money that they have. But, it is not that going in a stock exchange automatically the money is going to increase.
The person has to intelligently invest. I invest in this share. We may have some consultant also who decides, invest here, don’t invest here.
So, the purpose of coming to a stock exchange is to increase one’s savings, to increase one’s money. But, that is not going to happen automatically. That has to be done intelligently.
So, similarly, it is not that automatically in devotee association our bhakti will increase. Just as if the money is invested unwisely, then one may lose money in the stock exchange also. Like that, if we come in devotee association, but we associate with people who are very critical.
You know, this person did this, this person did like that. Some people come in devotee association and they are constantly finding faults. This devotee is like this, that devotee is like that.
This devotee did this, this devotee did that. Now, it may be true also that certain devotees may have done certain wrong things. But, ultimately, if I am not in a position of authority where I can do something to help them, then I just need to see, that is between that devotee and Krishna.
What can I do? Now, everywhere in the world there are problems. And problems don’t exist just in space. Problems mean, there are people who have problems.
Isn’t it? Problems don’t, some problems like natural calamities may happen automatically. But when you say there are problems, means there are people who are having some problems and they create problems for others. So, you know, talking about problems or pointing to problems, that doesn’t lead to much unless we are in a position to do something about it.
It’s not of much use. So, in devotee association we come for coming closer to Krishna. And for that there is knowledge, there is facilities and there is inspiration.
So, if I focus on that in devotee association, then I can move onwards. Then I can actually go towards Krishna. Otherwise, in devotee association also I can get lost.
Because I just, we become offensive to this person, that person. Now, it may be true also that some people are troubling us a lot. Some people’s actions may trouble us a lot.
That’s fine. We can keep a distance from them. But we have to make sure that I have to grow towards Krishna.
Yes, if somebody is troubling me, then I’ll keep a distance from them, but I won’t let that person come between me and Krishna. I have to go towards Krishna and whatever it takes for me to go towards Krishna, I will do that. So, that way when we are purposeful in devotee association, then we can move onwards.
Ultimately, it is not the stock exchange’s responsibility to make my money grow. It is my responsibility. Like that, it is not the organisation’s responsibility to make me spiritually advanced.
It is my responsibility. The devotee association will provide this knowledge, inspiration, facility, but it’s I who have to take it. So, I’ll conclude with three points now.
Any questions at this point? Or should we go ahead? So, if we can’t provide knowledge, knowledge, inspiration and facilities, all of them, then what can we provide? It’s not that some one thing will be decisive. It’s ultimately what is our capacity, what is our inclination, what are the resources available to us, and then what are the needs, what are the interests, what are the concerns of that person. Some people, for example, I have noticed that when you try to share Krishna Bhakti in India and share Krishna Bhakti in America, it’s a big difference.
And one major difference is that among Indians, it is that we really don’t have to create faith. They already have some piety, but they have some cultural or intellectual misconceptions that block them from acting on their piety. Just remove those misconceptions and then they act on their piety and start practising.
So, in the rest of the world, it may not be like that. Even if there is natural piety, there are many people who are pious, but their piety may not incline them towards Bhakti. Their piety may incline them towards their religion or their cultural conception of whatever is worshipable.
So, in that situation, for many Indians, to practise the regulative principles or practise Bhakti at home is not all that difficult. To be vegetarian is not all that difficult, for example. So, in that case, what somebody needs is not so much facility.
Everybody needs facility. But in that case, if just one gets one convincing answer, you know, why one should not eat non-veg? Then that’s enough. Then you go home and tell your parents, I’m not going to eat non-veg.
They are a little opposed, but they say, okay, I’ll cook separately for you. But suppose somebody is in a family where everybody is eating non-veg. Then, at that time, just the knowledge why you should not eat non-veg may not be enough.
For them, if they are to actually practise it, you have to tell them, you know, maybe there is a vegetarian restaurant over here, or you can go here and eat this, you can do this. Then providing facility may be important. For some people, especially for those who are a little jaded, those who have been around for some time, whenever they hear any class, they say, I know all this.
So then what happens? For them, usually, it is inspiration that is required. So it depends. So first of all, we try to see what is the need of the person and also what is our capacity to provide.
And based on that, we provide. Sometimes, as rightly said, it’s just not possible to provide everything. And if we are to do even outreaches of different kinds, some outreach is simply like more of awareness generation.
Let me just give, so for example, when travelling preachers come, say now when I am coming, all that I can offer is some knowledge, maybe some inspiration. But that’s all that I can offer. I cannot offer any facilities.
So if our purpose is to do outreach in terms of creating awareness, just providing knowledge, providing inspiration, that is enough. Or say, for example, there are some teachers who do structured courses, Bhakti Shastri course. At one level, you could say Bhakti Shastri course is a facility.
But the main thing that is being offered through that is the knowledge, in a systematic way. But then, there are many people who want to do some seva. For most people, it’s important for everyone to understand philosophy.
But for most people, their connection with Krishna is going through some more practical, some service. So provide some service to them. So if I can provide, if there is no facility to provide them service, then they may not be able to grow so much.
So some people, the facility they need is a protected environment. So it will vary. So depending on our primary inspiration or interest or our intention, we will start with that.
So if I start with knowledge, that’s my thrust. Then, of course, I need to walk my talk. There should be some inspiration that comes with it.
But then gradually, facilities will grow. So we all have to find out what kind of, what is the way in which I can share Krishna Bhakti. So managers, those who are managers, they may not so much provide knowledge.
They may not be in so much classes. But through the management, they are providing the facilities. So it’s not, generally, I would say for people to begin, knowledge and inspiration is what is required.
Facilities grow organically. So facilities, sometimes if you start with the facility first, like say in India, many places it has happened that devotees build a big temple. But then there is no way to manage the temples.
Here in America also, in the past, when ISKCON was much bigger, we had built big temples. And now there are not enough devotees to manage the temples. The facility is there, but then what is happening? There is nobody to share the knowledge.
So people come to the temple, they just take darshan and go away. Because nobody there to talk with them, nobody there to inspire them to practise seriously. So we have to see our particular situation and our particular disposition and then decide what we can contribute the best.
So to start a new project, all three will be required. But generally, if the first two are there, the third comes gradually. And sometimes it may just take some time to come.
For example, Prabhupada, he had knowledge, he had inspiration. But he tried in Jhansi, it didn’t work. He tried to distribute back to Godhead, it didn’t work.
So he tried so many times, it didn’t work. Sometimes we don’t know what Krishna’s plan is. So eventually when he came to America, it worked for him.
So we just do what we can and by Krishna’s plan, according to his sweet will, the results will come. Yeah, sure. So what comes first? Knowledge and inspiration come first or facilities come first? I’d say it’s the preacher’s desire to share Krishna Bhakti which comes first.
And there have to be some people who want to receive it. So generally facilities are second. So without the like as I said in India there are so many temples which are just empty.
Nothing is happening in those temples. There is a facility for coming closer to God. But then people are not interested because nobody is giving knowledge, nobody is setting an example.
Many of the priests in India are not just in India, I would say. It’s just all over the world. My experience is more in India.
Sometimes the priests are so materialistic that they are interested just in asking for money. And people feel not inspired at all over there. So even in our movement also the experience is that if you have big temple but you don’t have devotees, it becomes a problem.
So sometimes we may be ready to provide knowledge and inspiration but then we have to test the pulse to see whether there are adequate interested people. So if there are interested people then somehow the facility will emerge gradually. And Prabhupada was very pragmatic about the facilities.
When Prabhupada wanted, he improvised 26th Second Avenue as a temple. He said, just a room we can convert. What is a temple essentially? It’s a place where Krishna is glorified.
But then Prabhupada had some sponsors in India. They said, no, no, we want to build a proper temple with a spire and with proper deities and everything. Prabhupada said, we can do that later.
He said, no, no, that’s what they wanted to do. So sometimes in creating big facilities so much resources, so much time and energy goes that we can’t actually move forward. So just working facility is also enough.
Just have some facility, just basically work and move on. But generally it’s always best to start with knowledge and knowledge and inspiration. At least some amount of receptivity must be there for people in knowledge and inspiration.
Otherwise, say somebody at some particular place donates their place to us. You can come and build something over here. You can start.
But if there’s no people interested over there, that place cannot be of so much use. So in that sense, facility is very important, but more of it’s the transmission of knowledge and inspiration and it’s the reception of knowledge and inspiration. That’s what is important.
Okay? So any other questions? Shall we move on? So I’m using the word here, the disease to please. See the easiest way to make ourselves miserable is to try to please everyone. If I try to make everyone around me happy, the only thing that is going to happen is I’m going to become miserable.
It’s just not going to happen. We just we are finite beings and we can’t please everyone. So sometimes we may say, oh as devotees we should be humble, we should have service attitude, we should try to please others.
And it’s not just devotees. Even before that some of us may have more of a nature of wanting to please others, not to see others displeased. Yes, that is good.
We should be sensitive. But ultimately, we have something important in our life. We have to do something in our life.
And for that we have to just be willing to say no to some people. Without that willingness to say no to some people, we just can’t move on in our life. So most of you know the story of that horse and father and son, isn’t it? How many of you know that story? The horse and the father and the son? So there’s this this father and son pair, they purchased a new horse.
And when they were riding, both of them got on the horse, they started riding it. Some people started saying, hey, what is this? This is… What about the rights of this animal? Poor animal, burdened by a double load. The father and the son, this is cruelty.
So then they heard, how can these people be so cruel? So then the father said, what to do? The father said, oh son, you get down, you walk. I’ll ride you. And the son was riding along.
And some people started saying, what is this? The son is so small, the father is comfortably riding, what happened to love of parents for their children? The father is comfortably riding, the child is walking along. The father said, son, you climb up, I’ll climb down. And then the son was riding and some people said, what is this? This father is getting old now, he’s elderly, the son doesn’t have any love for his father, why is he so comfortably riding? And the father said, son, you get down.
And then both of them were walking along. And the horse was also going along. What stupidity! You have a horse, what is a horse meant for, if not to ride? So, actually, whatever we do in our life, there are people who are going to criticise.
There is a very beautiful verse in the Subhashita which says that a person who is assertive will be criticised as being over ambitious. A person who is gentle will be criticised as being lazy. A person who is hard working will be criticised as a workaholic.
A person who is sensitive will be criticised as being too soft. A person who is charismatic will be criticised as being popularity seeking. A person who is heroic will be criticised as show off.
A person who is charitable will be criticised as publicity seeking. So, no matter whatever we do in our life, nobody is spared of criticism. Nobody.
We may be doing something with a very virtuous intention, but there will be people who will find fault even with that virtue. So, at some point in our life, we have to learn to see criticism with a critical eye. We have to learn to see criticism with a critical eye.
Sometimes you can learn from criticism, but sometimes the only thing to learn from criticism is that this criticism is not to be taken seriously. So, say, why are we talking about this now? Because when you are talking about association, there are two things. One is, we want spiritual association.
But taking some association also means staying away from some association. So, we may have a friend circle which we understand this friend circle is not bringing out the best within me. It is actually bringing out the darker side within me.
And when we understand this, we may need to break away from that friend circle. How to do it in a sensitive way, that is something which is practically to be decided. But that has to be done.
If we try to please people who are not just non-devotees, among non-devotees also there can be people in goodness, people in passion, people in ignorance. If people who are hooked on to all kinds of unworthy habits and if we try to please them, the only thing that will happen is, we will end up having to do those things. So, trying to please everyone can become almost like a diseased mentality.
It’s not a healthy thing. It is something which will hurt us and which will prevent us from doing proper things. So, we have to learn to say no.
It’s unpalatable, but it’s unavoidable. It’s unavoidable. We have to say no.
And if at all still we feel no, somebody invites us, come for a party. And at the same time, there is a programme. What should I do? Should I go for a party? Should I go for a spiritual programme? Should I go for a mundane party? Now, I say, no, that person has invited me.
How can I say no? And what happens? We are always saying no. So, if I don’t say no consciously to lower things, then I end up saying no unconsciously to higher things. So, I am expected to go for a spiritual programme.
And I also want to go there. But if somebody forcefully invites me, come for this party. I go for the party, then I say, no, I can’t say no to that person.
That person was pushing me so forcefully. And what happens in the end thing is that I end up saying no to somebody, to something else. So, by saying yes to the party, I am saying no to the programme.
And in that sense, we just can’t avoid saying no. So, the only thing that, the difference is whether we are saying no consciously or whether we are saying no unconsciously. So, that means, say, if we are at home and we have opportunity to either read some scripture or just watch some TV.
Now, the TV is right in front of us. The somebody else is also watching TV at home. I also want to watch the TV.
Now, what happens is, I may not say no consciously. Oh, I will not read the Bhagavad Gita. I will not study scripture.
No. But what happens if I don’t say no to that activity, I’ll end up saying no to this. So, because we have finite time, we have to be selective.
Because we have finite resources, we have to be selective. And how do we select? For this, we have to recognise that somehow, if we are spending money, at the back of our mind, we always have this one, I don’t have unlimited money. So, I have to be careful how I spend money.
Some of us may have more, some of us may have less money, but still all of us know that we don’t have unlimited money. And that’s why we are cautious about how we spend our money. But with respect to time, at a theoretical level, we all know, I also don’t have unlimited time.
But somehow, we tend to think that with respect to spirituality, later. My whole life is there for this. If not today, then tomorrow.
If not tomorrow, day after tomorrow. So, what happens is, in that way, if we keep saying yes to non-devotee association, especially materialistic or degrading non-devotee association, then we unwittingly say, if we say yes there, then we say no over here. So, we just have to learn to say no.
And the best way to say no to non-devotee association is to already have a yes for devotee association. That means, if within devotee association we already made plans, I am doing this service, I got this responsibility, I got this opportunity, saying no to anything is never easy. It’s never pleasant.
But it becomes less unpleasant when I have already said yes to somebody else. See, it’s like somebody invites you for a party and then say, our calendar is right in front of us. Another calendar, there’s nothing we are doing on that evening.
And then, if for us we have to say that, no, I will not come for this party. It’s much more difficult than if our calendar is already filled, there’s some other programme over there. Then what happens? I already have this thing to do, that’s why I cannot come.
So just as a pre-decided engagement makes it easier for us to say no to some other engagement, like that if we consciously plan and say yes to devotee association, then saying no to non-devotee association becomes much easier. And saying yes to devotee association doesn’t just mean going physically in the association, it also means actually having some commitment, having some connection, having some responsibility. This I’ll talk much more in tomorrow’s class.
But a significant sign of growth in spiritual life is whether we treat devotee association, or whether when we are in devotee association, we see ourselves as a guest or as a host. When I am in devotee association, do I see myself as a guest? Oh, others should comfort me, others should welcome me, others should provide me facilities. Or I see myself as a host.
Oh, I should do this, I should provide this facility, I should do this, I should do that. So especially if somebody, say, comes for a programme that’s nice. But if somebody invites somebody else for the programme, then what happens? For that programme, this person has become like a host.
This is like this, this is like this. So to the extent we have some… when do we feel that I am a host over here? Or at any place? When we have a sense of belonging over there. So if we want to grow in bhakti, then we have to change our conception.
I am not a guest in devotee association, I am a host here. If that conception comes, then our coming to devotee association will become much, much easier. Much, much more regular.
And we will also have more reasons to come. Otherwise, sometimes I feel okay, I go to a temple, I go to a temple, I go to a devotee, what do I do over there? No, I have heard classes so many times. This is another class I will hear.
What is the big deal about it? Yes, of course, there is a lot more also. We can hear classes and learn so much more. But then if we have something tangible to do, if we have tangible connection, then that makes us feel like a host.
When we feel like a host, then saying yes to that and saying no to other things becomes much easier. So, I’ll conclude with this point now. When we get devotee association, getting that association is Krishna’s greatest blessing.
And taking that association is our greatest responsibility. It works both ways. Now, recently there was a storm in Houston, in Texas.
So, people were rendered homeless. People were on the streets. There were floods everywhere.
So, now if somebody is in a flood, at that time, somebody comes and offers a boat, you know, come, we have a ship over here, we have a helicopter, we’ll come out of here. Or somebody offers a shelter. Okay, my house is on a higher floor.
So, you can be sheltered over here. So, if somebody is homeless because of a flood, at that time, somebody opening the door to provide shelter, that’s a great blessing. But then that person says, no, no, no, I don’t want to come here.
That’s tragic. So, then it is on one side, getting that shelter amidst the storm, that’s a blessing. But taking that shelter is actually a responsibility.
If the storm is out there, then I have to come inside. If you say, no, no, no, I won’t come in your house, but I want shelter outside. You won’t get shelter outside.
The shelter will come inside. So, like that, we may have devotee association, but if we don’t take that association. Take that association means, it can mean many things.
Take the knowledge, take the inspiration, take the facilities and become a host. If we don’t do that, then it will not benefit us much. So, the benefit in taking that association is our responsibility.
That is again something which Krishna can’t do for us. So, I started by saying, ultimately, it is only the self that can help. Self-help was involving how the self helps, social help and spiritual help.
So, the self has to want to help. Similarly, with respect to association also, association can be a very powerful stimulus for changing us. It is for us to take.
The initiative is on us. If we don’t take that association, then actually it can’t help us. So, in the Chaitanya Charita Amrit, an example is given which is quite, it seems a little demeaning, but it is actually quite illuminating, that example.
When I first read it, it said that the association of devotees is like my walking stick. So, about 7-8 years ago, before I was physically a little better, I wouldn’t use crutches. I used to use a walking stick.
For walking. So, then when I first read a walking stick, they said devotee association is the greatest treasure of life. It’s like my treasure.
It’s like a jewel. It’s like a diamond. Why compare it with a walking stick? So, and once when I was going from Pune to Mumbai, I was in a train and somebody stole my walking stick.
So, they stole my walking stick. Now, even without a walking stick, I can walk. But the problem is, whenever I, if I need a walking stick and without a walking stick I walk, two things happen.
That my walking becomes much slower and I’ll walk slowly and I can fall anytime. Because there is nothing to support. So, if you look at our own spiritual life, without devotee association, these two things happen.
We start doing things very slowly, our progress becomes very slow and we may fall at any time. So, I consider chanting. If you have devotee association, everybody is chanting.
Yes, come on. Let’s chant nicely. If you are all alone, what happens? Maybe I can look at this phone.
Maybe I can just answer this email. Maybe I can look at this. Look at that.
Or maybe I can just go to sleep for some time. So, what happens? Doing that same thing, it just becomes slower and we just drop off at any time. So, devotee association is in that sense, the Chaitanya Charita Amrit was written by Krishnadas Kaviraj Goswami, who was very elderly when he wrote that book.
So, in that sense, you can infer that he needed a walking stick and he knew how important the walking stick was. So, without the walking stick, it becomes very difficult to walk. At the same time, somebody may have the best walking stick, but if they have no desire to walk, then the walking stick is of no use.
So, like that, the devotee association is if we have that desire, then the devotee association becomes a very useful resource to kindle that desire. But how will that desire come? That is something which we have the responsibilities for us. So, we using our intelligence, using the inspiration from others, using whatever source, we get that desire and that desire will be stimulated by the devotee association.
So, Krishna has blessed us all with association in many different ways. Now, taking that blessing is our responsibility. So, I’ll summarise what I spoke today.
I talked about this theme of bringing out the best within us. Within that, I talked about social help. What help can we get from outside us? In that connection, I started by talking about the relationship between external and internal.
Now, association shapes our disposition and our disposition shapes our association. So, if I love a particular sport, I’ll go and see that kind of friends. But, if my friends are playing a particular sport, I may also fall in love with that sport.
Now, if I want to change, changing the internal is much more difficult. Changing disposition takes time. Changing association is relatively easier.
That’s how it can begin. And, I talked about how changing externals, how do our desires come? They can either come from external stimulation or from internal recollection. So, internal recollection changing is what is done through purification.
But, external stimulus changing, that can be done through association. So, association, it changes our externals. And, changing externals is almost always necessary and almost never sufficient.
Almost always necessary means that our willpower is a finite resource. If constantly exposed to temptation, we may say no hundred times but then hundred first time we’ll succumb. So, just rather than battling over our choices, we can choose our battles.
Just cut off some distractions. Now, our willpower is not just meant for saying no to lower things. It is meant for saying yes to higher things.
At the same time, we cannot… So, changing our externals helps. It just avoids the needless expending of our willpower. But, at the same time, externals alone are not the cause of our wrong actions.
We talked about how Krishna says lust is situated in our own mind, intelligence and senses. It is not situated in the sense objects. So, other certain sights, certain people, certain images may trigger the desire within us.
But, actually that conditioning is within me itself. So, later on I’ll discuss how lust is not just a desire. It’s also conditioning within us.
Like a default setting, like autocomplete within the computer and a person choosing that autocomplete. So, to say that externals don’t matter or externals… That’s one extreme. Externals do matter.
And the other extreme says, Oh, because the externals are like this, I can’t change. No. Ultimately, externals are not responsible for my actions.
I am responsible. And, when we go in devotee association, what exactly are we doing? We’re tapping the triangularity of our desires. So, advertisements, they don’t just show the product and trigger our desire.
They show VIP celebrities enjoying their product. That triggers our desire. And, especially in spiritual life, because the spiritual objects may not look so attractive immediately.
That’s why, associating with those who are very attractive to those objects, that triggers our spiritual desire within us. And, associating is not just physical proximity. It is actually the transfer of desires.
When we associate with devotees, whatever desire they have, that desire gets transferred. Like Arjuna at the end of Bhagavad Gita says to Krishna, I will do your will. And, then I talked about how, what do we get in association? It’s knowledge, inspiration and facilities.
Knowledge means not just that we should do this or not do this, but it’s a knowledge of a process. If I have a cough, then how to cure that cough? That’s knowledge, which is not just a matter of willpower. Similarly, a process to change ourselves, that knowledge of that process also we get through bhakti.
Then there is inspiration. Informational knowledge is often, can be taught, but transformation knowledge is primarily caught. When you see people, say, being humble, who a person has a lot to be proud of, is humble, that really inspires us to become humble also.
And lastly, facilities. That, we all have to act in the world. And, as devotee association, if you want to provide that, the important thing is that we provide people facilities to do what they are doing.
And these three things, we can apply when we are sharing with others, and also when we come in association, we look for these three things, so that our desires get transformed. Otherwise, even in devotee association, we may get lost. We may get actually, just as a person comes to stock exchange and loses money, whatever bhakti we have, whatever devotion we have, whatever spiritual inclination we have, that may get lost if we associate with people who are fault-finders, who are critics, who are negative in devotee association.
There are problems everywhere. That means there are problematic people everywhere. But our focus is not on the problems.
Our focus is on moving towards Krishna. And then, say, when we have to select devotee association, we have to, to some extent, deselect other associations. And saying no is not easy.
But it is, although it is unpalatable, it is unavoidable. Because we are always saying no. We have finite time.
If we are not saying no to a mundane party, we are saying no to a spiritual programme. So rather than just having people push us and we end up saying no, we consciously decide, this is what I want to do. And we prioritise that.
Trying to please everyone is simply the express way to making ourselves miserable. So it can be like a disease to please everyone. To select whom can I please.
Or who is most important for me to please. And if we, if we fill our life with devotional engagements, then saying no to other engagements becomes easier. So, just like if our calendar is already filled, saying no to somebody becomes easier.
And for that, we need to move from being a guest and devotee association to becoming a host. We need to take up some tangible connections through service and other things. Oh, I skipped this.
We’ll come to that next time. And then, associating with, getting the association of devotees is Krishna’s greatest blessing. And taking that association is our responsibility.
So like a shelter is provided in a storm. The person has to go inside and take the shelter. So when we do that, every March onwards.
So it’s like a walking stick. Without the walking stick, also we can walk, but it’s difficult. So without association also we can practise bhakti, but it’s difficult.
But with association, it becomes much easier. And walking stick doesn’t walk. We have to walk with it.
So ultimately, it’s our desire, which we need to activate and then strengthen by devotee association. So thank you very much. Hare Krishna.