Six loving exchanges – Opening the heart and reciprocating with the opened heart

[Talk at Krishna House, Gainesville, USA]

Transcription of Summary Lecture

I spoke about the six loving exchanges in bhakti, and I said how giving or receiving gifts, offering food, taking food and sharing our heart an hearing others share their heart and responding, these are characteristics of love in every field. When people become friends, when people become business partners and when we work as devotees…
So, Rupa Goswami here in Bhakti-rasamrita-sindhu is ultimately going to talk about love of God, but Bhakti is not solitary spirituality, it is social spirituality, and we need to relate with those who love Krishna so that we can advance towards… ourselves developing love for Krishna.
Giving gifts and receiving gifts… It is said that, gifts are the visual markers of love. We need markers… tangible objects to anchor our consciousness and anchor our feelings of love. So, gifts in order to really have an impact… the amount of money is not as important as the amount of thought, and by the amount of thought what should happen? We give a gift not just in our circle of interest, something that is there in their circle of interest. This shows that we understand and we care for them. The best is if the gift is in the intersection of the two circles of interest. Then that gift can lead to… not just one transaction, but it can lead to further interactions, and then I talked about food. We may be detached but that doesn’t mean we should be hard-hearted. So, detachment is about level-headedness and hard heartedness is about insensitivity. So, if somebody offers us food lovingly they are offering their affection. If I say, ‘I am detached from food.’ we are not reciprocating properly.
So, when we see the food as a way the person is offering affection… and we accept that affection. That leads to deeper connection, and primarily I focussed on sharing our heart and responding to the sharing of the heart. So, we have in our subtle body desires and doubts which distracts us. Now what is in our subtle body is by the natures arrangement, under Krishna’s supervision kept private from the world, and that is what required for civilized society, for sustained relationship… because our mind just becomes wild, but still if some desires and doubts just come and go occasionally we need not to bother about it. It’s just like some wind just blows, but if some desires or doubts becomes stormy… storm becomes threatening, then we need to deal with it, and dealing with it is through a balance of honesty and modesty. Just like I have a sore in a private part, I don’t tell world but I do go to the doctor and I will show and ask for treatment. Like that we need to go to a appropriate trustworthy devotee and while sharing our heart we need to have the confidence that we will not be judged or ridiculed.
So, love is expressed by shifting through the other side. So, that love is expressed through understanding and appreciating or empathising. So, we need like-minded association. Although we want to ultimately transcend the mind… during the lifetime we have the same mind. That’s why we need to find who will understand our questions, not question our questions.
So, desires can make us feel low, but doubt’s makes us feel high. That’s why we have to find some devotee who is also intellectual, whom we see respectably and then we ask questions to them. But either way when somebody shares their heart, our goal should be not just to give the solution, our goal is first to understand and then make the other person feel understood; like a doctor who just gives one’s own specs and they are not understanding the patient’s condition, or the doctor who even gives the right prescription without hearing the patient. Then they are not… the patient will not feel convinced taking the treatment.
So, when there is interactions we actually see those interactions as a means for coming closer, and if somebody shares their heart non-judgmentally, in a customized way for them we offer them guidance, and through this interactions devotees enter into each other’s hearts… then both the hearts get permeated with Krishna’s presence, because both of them are moving closer towards Krishna.
Srila Prabhupada did this in a very extraordinary way. That’s how he attracted thousands of thousands of people to Krishna’s lotus feet and when the force of love which is either choked or misdirected presently, is freed… when we feel loved and we feel someone who we want to love, then that can overpower all our conditionings and we can march towards Krishna.

(Transcription by Sadananda Krishnaprema Prabhu)

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
i’ll speak on this verse from the nectar of instruction which talks about the six-fold loving exchanges between devotees so it says when we give gifts and we receive gifts that we ask that we share our hearts and we hear others share their hearts that when we offer prasad to others and then we get prasad from them these are six are priti lakshanam they are the characteristics of love so the process of bhakti yoga is meant for the purpose of developing bhakti and normally love is often thought of simply as an emotion like we say two people meet each other and say we fell in love yes love is an emotion but it is much more than an emotion the speciality of the bhakti literature especially as given in the kaurya vaishnav tradition is that they say that love is not just an emotion that we feel but it is love is also love in terms of love of god and love for everyone god love is an emotion that we can also cultivate so these verses many of the verses in the scripture they can be seen as both descriptive and prescriptive descriptive means that they describe those who have love of god so for example devotees sing and dance in ecstasy constantly speak about krishna constantly want to serve krishna so this describes those who have devotion in that sense it is descriptive but it can also be prescriptive that means by doing these things we will also develop devotion for the lord so in same way here the six characteristics of love are described and it’s interesting that these loving exchanges are described between devotees so bhakti is not solitary spirituality it is social spirituality solitary spirituality means we go to jungle sit in meditation and try to seek god yes that is one way to seek god but in the bhakti union in the bhakti path we understand that relationship with god is not an isolation it is an integration we integrate with krishna through loving devotion and because everyone is integrated with krishna everyone is a part of krishna so we integrate with others also and in the later stages of this book nectar of instruction the direct devotion to the lord how the devotee becomes absorbed in remembering krishna in singing his glories and hearing his names and in that way completely absorbing oneself in the lord that will be described but prior to that how the devotee interrelates with other devotees that is described over here and in the future verses how one should relate with a senior devotee how should we relate to the equal devotee how should relate with a new devotee all this will also be described but this gives broad principles which apply for everyone generally how does relationship develop between people when say two people become friends how do they become friends they meet each other and then usually they talk with each other and when talking with each other we find out you know our thoughts match we like to meet each other and then you don’t just talk but then usually if the relation we common salad you know we sit and eat together people go some hotel some party they sit and eat and they offer they offer food to each other and they offer gifts also to each other so basically here this talking eating talking together with each other eating with each other and exchanging gifts these are the three broad ways in which any relationship develop and these are in a sense universal principles which Prabhupada in his purport mentions that even in business how do business people develop it may not be a personal relationship it will be a business relationship if they want to sign a contract often they have a meeting over lunch or dinner in some hotel and they sit and talk they discuss various things they discuss their business so they’re sitting they’re discussing and usually they may give some gifts to each other so this is universal now in the process of bhakti also this will be applied for if there are loving relationship between devotees naturally these will happen and if you want to develop loving relationships these need to be developed so if we do these activities then we will find that the loving relationship will develop so among these six activities i will focus primarily on the middle two that is sharing our heart and confidence and hearing others share their heart but before that i’ll just briefly mention the remaining four first is that that giving gifts and receiving gifts although we are pursuing a spiritual path our present consciousness is at the material or tangible level and that is why we need tangible markers or tangible objects to anchor our consciousness so for example when we come to the temple it’s a spiritual place but the spirituality is made very tangible through the presence of the deities the presence of the pictures the presence of objects which anchor our consciousness spiritually the same way when there is affection between two people now gifts which are given and received they are tangible visual reminders of love so so if somebody gives a gift to someone and another person sees oh this was this person remembered me it’s not so much the amount that has been spent behind the gift but it is more of the not the amount of the money that is important it is the amount of thought that is important and somebody just thinks about the other person remembers the other person and then gives a gift then that gift is very much cherished lord chaitanya mahaprabhu and shri krishna himself they demonstrate this importance of giving gifts that when we go to meet someone we carry something as a gift for them when we come back we when when they leave they give some gifts so the idea is that love is not just an emotion in the heart it is tangible it can be tangibly expressed so by giving gifts we can tangibly express our love now when gifts are given that they should be given in a way that the other person values so that means if i give something that i like to the other person well i’m giving some gift but if i find out what is it that this person likes what is that this person needs and then we put in that amount of thought so then that indicates even more that we care so naturally as devotees we would like to give spiritual gifts to others when we give but even among spiritual gifts we had to find out what is that devotee’s interest so i may like to study scripture but somebody else likes music so even their birthday i give them a book well that’s something which i like to do but if i give them some musical instrument or some music learning book or whatever so if i consider my interests are like one circle their interests are like another circle so when i give a gift if i want the gift to lead to bonding then you know that gift should be in their circle of interest not just my circle of interest because then i if it’s an ideally if it’s a circle of intersection that’s the best now then that gift is not just an object that we give say if there’s some if with respect to reading say i like to read on a particular subject and they also like to read on a particular subject i like a particular author they like a particular author and a new book i get and i give it to them then that gift they’ll read that book i’ll read that book and then we’ll discuss now so that gift will not just be an object that is given and the interaction ends that gift can become a basis of further interaction so basically if you consider these two circles of interest among people if you want to develop a relationship the gift should be in the other person’s circle of interest and then to discern what is the circle of interest of the other person you have to think about the other person you often have to hear about the other person hear from the other person hear about the other person some things we learn by directly hearing from a person sometimes we learn something by hearing about that person from others either way we learn so i’ll come to the next part of hearing a little later but let’s quickly move to the last part first that is they’re taking food and offering others food and receiving food it’s interesting that on one side we talk about renunciation we talk about how we need to be detached but there is a there is a thin line but it’s a very important line between detachment and hard-heartedness there is attachment and there is soft-heartedness and there is detachment and there is hard-heartedness so we want to be detached but we don’t want to be hard-hearted we want to be soft-hearted but we don’t want to be attached now what is the so when we give when somebody gives food and somebody gives they cook very nicely food and they give and they say and they offer do you like it he says you know i’m detached from food well now what are we doing we will be detached whatever it is you know we are not being sensitive to their emotions they had some affection they had some service attitude they give their food so we need to recognise that so basically the difference between hard-heartedness and detachment is primarily in detachment is about level-headedness when we are detached it is not that we don’t have emotions it is that we don’t let our emotions carry us away we don’t just go on the way of emotions wherever the emotions drive us that is detachment so detachment essentially means level-headedness a balanced attitude not being swept away by emotions whereas hard-heartedness means insensitivity an uncaring attitude so we don’t want to be hard-hearted in the ramayan it is described that when lord ram was going towards the through the forest at that at that time there’s a fisherman and the fisherman came and he saw lord ram and he was so attracted by the lord that he offered the lord some fish now he was a fisherman and actually for him fish is his most valuable product that’s what he sells that’s how he earns money that’s what he spends his time thinking how to catch so it’s a valuable thing for him now he may say i don’t eat meat i don’t eat fish so the lord could have done that lord did not do that he accept his mind he graciously accepted his affection he did not eat the fish but he did not reject the affection so the point is that if even something like meat is used to express affection then we need to see that what is happening is not just the food is being given through the food affection is being expressed and we have to decide how to reciprocate with that affection appropriately but so we accept the affection but we don’t have to accept the food in some situations but the point is that food is a very important way in which affection can be expressed as an offering food is an act of love and not just offering food even receiving it as an act of love so if you offer some food to someone and other person says no i won’t take it then it’s almost like we are rejecting their affection so of course there may be certain principles which we follow and we say okay i won’t take this but i can take this those adjustments we can do but the point is renunciation is not a licence for hard-heartedness just because we are going to be renounced doesn’t mean that we have to become uncaring or hard-hearted we have to be aware of other people’s affect other people’s feelings and Prabhupada would say that actually the way to the heart is through the stomach so this is transcendental anatomy so basically when we give people nice showers and people attracted by that so that is a way in which we express affection and we receive affection so moving on now to the central part that is that we discuss that we share our heart and confidence and we hear others share their heart and confidence i’ll start with the first part krishna has arranged through material nature in such a way that we can’t see each other’s thoughts we can’t see each other’s feelings we can’t see each other’s desires we can see only their actions and actually this is good now if we all were able to see each other’s thoughts you know no relationship would be possible you think like that about me you have such a desire you are this kind of person so krishna has arranged in such a way that you know that between the thoughts that come in our mind and the either the words that come on our mouth or the expression that come in our face all the actions that we do there is a space and that space is actually the area where we exert self-control so all of us may have different degrees of self-control but we do have some amount of self-control so the idea is that we all for the sake of civilised cultured living need to control our thoughts control our desires control our emotions control means that we don’t express them we don’t let them come out in actions at the same time this control is not meant to lead to separation or repression see for example if i hear some class and i get some doubt now if it’s an unusual kind of doubt then sometimes we might decide i don’t want to speak in public now maybe i’ll go and ask the speaker personally i’ll ask some senior person so if we have a doubt we don’t want to spread that doubt to others if i have some desire which is unworthy but that is troubling me constantly then it is not that i will i’ll tell the whole world about the desire but at the same time now if the doubt or desire is troubling us then it needs to be dealt with see uh there is a physical body there is a spiritual soul in between that the subtle body the subtle body primarily there is the mind and the intelligence the ego is what causes misidentification with all this so the mind and the intelligence they distract us from the spiritual path in two distinct ways the mind produces desires and the intelligence produces doubts the mind produces desires i want this i want that why can’t i have this why is he having that why is she getting that so the mind produces desires and desires can distract us from the spiritual path and intelligence produces doubts how does this make sense yeah i can’t accept this this is irrational so like that we get doubts now desires and doubts both can be distractions on the spiritual path and both need to be done so the dealing with these requires an appropriate food as i said that the desires we have uh in many times we may be externally living in a very cultured pure way but internally we have impure desires sometimes we have quite terrible desires also now we are sometimes we just can’t avoid those desires they come they stay for some time they just go sometimes some desires persist and we need to deal with them and doubts also so now how do we deal with them so for that we need to share our heart confidentially share our heart confidentially means that we need to have some devotee friends some senior devotees some spiritual mentors with whom we can speak on in confidence that we have the confidence that they will not spill out in public whatever we see and in this we have to have both both a sense of honesty as well as a sense of modesty this balance of both honesty and modesty to give a simple example now suppose if someone has someone has a painful wound or a painful sore near a private part of the body now obviously that’s going to cause discomfort and the discomfort has to be dealt with but we are not going to show that sore to anyone and everyone but if you go to a doctor we have to show that sore okay this is the problem and doctor will treat it properly so now the doctor understand that this is this is his private part and doctor will treat it and they’ll not talk much more about it so if somebody says you know no how can i how can i do how can i show this to doctors well then how will you be treated so so there has to be honest there has to be a modesty and at the same time there has to be honesty modesty means i don’t want to the whole world to know about it but honestly it is there and i have to deal with it and dealing with it means i have to do what is required go to a doctor similarly we may have some troubling desires we may have some vexing doubts and these need to be dealt with so when when we say there is strong devotee association what does strong mean the good devotees means that there is the capacity to share share some of the darker side of our inner world without feeling that we will be judged or rejected without that fear so if we don’t have at least someone with whom we can do like this someone with whom we can share then it is our responsibility to find such a person we may not get such a person immediately but we do need say all of us face conditioning all of us have various kinds of desires and we need to deal with them now of course there is a process of bhakti to deal with them and when i talk about desires desires are also of different levels as i said krishna has arranged in such a way that we can’t see each other’s minds now when the desire comes in the mind it may rise up up up up and if you look at the desires they rise up up up and they stay up for some time and if you just tolerate them they go down but when the desires are rising to such an extent that they are going to they’re going to make us do something wrong then that is beyond that is making us cross a limit so then we have to we have to reveal it to someone so that they can help us maybe you need to do this you need to do that whatever it is appropriate measure but otherwise the desires are coming inside they’re there for some time just tolerate they just agitate us for some time and then they go away so it’s like a storm say there is always some wind blowing and sometimes the wind may be a little more but it’s not that every time the wind becomes a little more the governor is going to declare emergency it’s when the wind is stormy it’s great danger that’s when emergency is declared so like that we can say the wind of desire is always there within us but in some situations the wind becomes so forceful that it will just it will destroy our morality it can its flow is such so forceful that we destroy our spirituality at that time there is emergency so we may have to talk we may have to talk and we may have to take some specific treatment so generic treatment in terms of the principles of bhakti is there but sometimes for certain maladies some specific treatment is required somebody may tell us Mr. Vijal some advance you have to tell us okay you have any problem you can do this this particular thing more you may chant or you need a particular section of scripture more you do worship of the more or whatever they may tell us so certain prayers can be recited if somebody is troubled by certain desires or whatever they can tell a certain thing so this is the sharing the heart in confidence with respect to desires even more troubling is with respect to doubts there’s a although desires and doubts both come from the subtle body so there’s a difference between the two that when desires come often they make us feel fallen you know I can’t control myself I have so much lust I have so much grief I have so much anger so it makes a desire that the very least it make us feel feel low but quite often when doubts come they make us feel superior you know all these people they don’t have any intelligence they just believing this you know I am a rational person I can’t believe this so what happens is doubts make us feel superior to others and that’s why doubts can be more dangerous because when I feel in feel low then I’ll seek help but when I have doubts and I feel high actually what happens is I if the doubt enters too much into me then I actually feel myself higher than the person who can help me resolve the doubt this is this is the deceptive dangerous nature of doubts that what happens is we may feel like if I am sick and I know this is a doctor I go to the doctor and get cured but if I think when I am sick and I think the doctor is sick then what is the hope for me that means it is I who have the doubts but then I think you know this person is such a gullible believer you know they have no critical intelligence just believe anything and everything so then how do how can I possibly actually get help so sometimes doubts can actually erode our faith from within so as the doubts keep growing keep growing then whatever faith we have keeps getting eroded eroded as like erosion is not sudden you know water keeps flowing keeps flowing from surface and some topsoil is being swept away by the water swept away by the water but eventually a whole level of earth can get swept away so like that our faith can get eroded so when this happens what can we do so here you know we need the association of those devotees who can help us resolve our doubts so generally when we have doubts if we go and ask the wrong devotees that means it has happened with me also and it happens especially those who are a little more analytical a little more intellectual when we ask questions some people when some devotees instead of answering our questions they start questioning our questions say why do you get so many questions just try to make you stand be happy so they start they start actually judging us say you are a doubter if somebody is having doubts labelling them as a doubter is useless if somebody has doubts and you quote from Bhagavad Gita for the doubting soul there is no happiness in this world or the next world how is that person helped by that well I know it’s not that my doubts are making me happy I know that doubts are making me unhappy but I want to deal with the doubt it’s like if somebody is sick and you tell them sickness will make you pain happy yes I know I am in pain but tell me what to do about it so the doubts have to be properly addressed and that’s why we need to share also in confidence and those devotees who are also analytical those who is also intellectual those who understand where we are coming from that is important to have that kind of association Bhakti Nath Thakur says that we need like-minded association it’s interesting this word like-minded actually ultimately when we practise bhakti we want to control the mind we want to transcend the mind but that is going to take a lifetime and during that process we have to live with our mind I have a series of seminars and then we talk about controlling the mind but I have a series of seminars on learning to live with the mind because we have to live with the mind you know our mind is the only mind we have it is not a replaceable part yeah my mind may be sentimental my mind may be judgemental my mind may be ultra may be sceptical well I need to regulate it but I can’t wish it away if a particular person is sceptical they will be sceptical even within their scepticism they practise bhakti if somebody is sentimental they will be sentimental but they can reign in their sentiments and practise bhakti but the basic nature can’t be changed if somebody is given a stone and they can make a sculpture they can sculpt that stone but sculpting cannot change the substance of the stone if I have got marble and I’m making a marble and you make a statue out of that no matter how much I sculpted it is not going to become a alabaster statue it’s going to be a marble statue so like that our minds are made of a particular substance so some of us are more intellectual some of us are more emotional some of us are more just practical just fix it why so much emotions why so much just do it so all of us are of different dispositions and we need like-minded association so in that like like-minded association when we share our heart then that gives a relief see first thing is you know love is expressed in many ways first is by understanding unfortunately instead of understanding we we do judging you know if I have doubts yeah I understand yes you can have these doubts it’s natural to have questions like this but you are still doubter so what so there is understanding instead of that so understanding is the way we express love judging is the very dry of love so understanding and judging in that sense are opposites and similarly the second symptom of love is appreciating appreciating so yes I know somebody somebody said even if somebody expresses serious doubts we appreciate it and it requires courage it requires honesty to come and speak this publicly speak this going to be some to somebody else I appreciate this and I’ll try to help in whatever way the opposite of appreciating is criticising so Mark Twain said that uh I can live on two month I can live for two months on a good compliment actually the human body needs food to function the human heart needs encouragement to function we need encouragement we need appreciation and it is not a need of the ego it is just the need of people so it is a human need so when we so here we’re talking about we ask and then the other person hears understands and appreciates appreciate doesn’t necessarily mean that whatever you’re saying is correct but appreciates means that we appreciate where they’re coming from we appreciate the sincerity in enquiring and then there is reciprocation so all of us in the bhagavad-gita itself we see this example of Krishna himself being not judgemental but made understanding Arjuna in the sixth chapter hears how we need to control the mind how we need to keep the mind equi-poised and then Arjuna said Krishna this is very difficult he says I can’t do this control of the mind he says control of the mind is more difficult than controlling the raging mind now Krishna will say hey you have an uncontrolled mind that’s what I am telling you Krishna says yes undoubtedly it is very difficult to control the mind but it is possible by practise and by detachment practise and detachment in a sense this is not different from what Krishna has told earlier he’s only reiterating the same thing but in a different way more elaboration so Krishna is repeating the same prescription but he is first accepting empathising appreciating yes understanding yes it is difficult to control the mind or somebody comes and says you know I find it so difficult to wake up in the morning why are you so lazy just give up laziness and wake up well you’re not helping me you know what I am telling you are simply giving a label to that isn’t it I’m saying I can’t get up and you’re saying you’re lazy so what is that it’s not really very helpful so yes sometimes some people may be having laziness but you have to help them overcome it so the point is that there has to be understanding and if there is no understanding that even if the right remedy is prescribed but still we will not take it wholeheartedly so here I am shifting to the other side now first is we reveal our heart and confidence I’m talking about that we when somebody reveals their heart and confidence then the other person also has to instruct in a way Pujyati is asking and Akhyati is revealing it’s okay what should you do now so suppose we go to a doctor and we tell the doctor no actually I’m not able to see properly I think I have a lot of specks and the doctor just takes out their specks hey take this I can see clearly why can’t you see no I can’t see look properly you’ll be able to see now you know their prescription is different from our prescription their number is different from our number so the specks that enables them to see may not be the same specks which enables us to see so the doctor has to give a prescription but the doctor has to give a prescription that works for us not that works for them so so that means that the spiritual master or the spiritual guide has to understand the nature of a disciple and okay the disciple coming from or the student coming from this nature this background this this conditioning this circumstance okay what works for this person and then accordingly do this do this so this is there is general instruction that we get in our class in classes and that is also very important that’s general education but along with that we need for a specific application for particular issues and when there is a one-to-one relationship between a guide and a between a counsellor and a counsellor a mentor and a mentee then there has to be customised instruction also okay do like this do like this so this when it is done then it benefits the person now the two things over here first of all those who are giving guidance they need to understand the student and secondly in order to understand the student the student needs to feel understood say suppose if i go to a doctor i am telling now i got cough i got fever i got back pain i feel vertigo and when i am here when i’m speaking the doctor is talking on the phone and then i finish talking the doctor says okay take this prescription go now for the doctor it may be that there’s an epidemic of that disease and that’s why the doctor hears the symbol i’ve heard this so many times you got the same disease take this medicine it will work it may work also but the patient you never heard of it the patient will feel and then what will happen is the patient will think will this medicine really work for me the patient may not take the medicine because the patient is not convinced that the doctor understood so there are two things over here the person giving guidance they need to understand first of all they have to diagnose okay this is a disease but they also have to make sure the patient feels understood so that means therefore in treating in medical practise also in treating there is there is the objective element and the subjective element the objective element is you have to make sure that you get the diagnosis right but the subjective element is that we make sure that the patient feels understood feels that i am being treated and the subjective is not unimportant it is not just in the mind in medicine there is a whole phenomena called placebo effect placebo effect means that a patient is simply given sugar pills but the patient is not told their sugar pills patient thinks that i am getting medicines and just because the patient feels i am being treated i am getting medicine the patient gets cured so so one doctor said that the a major part of the doctor’s profession is to entertain the patient while his mind cures his body the patient feels i have been cured and the body’s natural mechanism starts working so the subjective aspect is also important so it and this applies even in bhakti that means we might tell chant Hare Krishna and be happy yes that’s true but then people should feel okay this is my concern and this is what people should feel understood when people feel understood then they feel they become ready to understand they become ready to apply and then they get to transform so this is the whole process of bhakti where a confidential sharing of the heart in terms of asking and a sharing of the heart in terms of guiding that is done and Shri Prabhupada initially came to America he was unknown elderly person from a distant land and Prabhupada what did he do he used basically he in your classes where he spoke of philosophy he did led kirtans but then the devotees came close to him because they saw him as a person he reciprocated them as a person so once Jujurani Mataji one of Prabhupada’s early disciples she asked Swamiji did you have any children? Prabhupada looked at her strangely he asked Swami did you have any children? all of you are my children all of you are my children so touched and Prabhupada spoke that and he did not speak it for the sake of speaking he meant it so here Prabhupada it was just a casual question but Prabhupada saw that as a means of a loving exchange and in this way he himself entered into the hearts of his disciples and that’s how Krishna entered into the heart so the we have to enquire in confidence and those who are giving guidance they also have to guide in confidence in confidence means in a way that applies and works for the person so when this happens then there is a magical transformation that can happen in the heart basically the human heart is craving for love and lust, anger, greed, depression, irritability all these are just caused by the misdirection or the throttling of that longing for love once that misdirection or the throttling that is stopped then that love is such a great force that can break down all barriers so once we we learn to love and we feel love then the love is such a force that whatever conditions may be there they will be overcome and we will march forwards in our spiritual journey towards Krishna so I’ll summarise what I spoke about the six loving exchanges in bhakti and I said how giving and receiving gifts, offering food, taking food and sharing our heart and hearing others share their heart and responding these are characteristics of love in every field when people become friends and people become business partners and when we work as devotees so Krishna or Rupa Goswami here in Bhakti Samaj Sindhu is ultimately going to talk about love of God but bhakti is not solitary spirituality it is social spirituality and we need to relate with those who love Krishna so that we can advance towards ourselves developing a love for Krishna and giving gifts and receiving gifts said that gifts are visual markers of love we need markers tangible objects to anchor our consciousness and anchor our feelings of love so gifts in order to really have an impact the amount of money is not as important as the amount of thought and by that amount of thought what should happen we look we give a gift not just that is in our circle of interest but something that is in their circle of interest we show them that we understand them and we care for them the best is if the gift is in the intersection of the two circles of interest and that gift can lead to that can be just not one transaction but it can lead to further interactions and then I talked about food we may be detached but that doesn’t mean we should be we be hard-hearted so detachment is about level-headedness hard-heartedness is about insensitivity and we need to be and so if somebody offers us food lovingly they’re offering their affection if I say you know I’m detached from food that’s we’re not reciprocating properly so when we see the food as a way the person that likes that offering affection and we accept that affection that leads to deeper connection and primarily I focused on sharing our heart and responding to the sharing of the heart so we have in our subtle body desires and doubts which distract us now what is in our subtle body is by the nature of by nature’s arrangement under Krishna’s permission kept private from the world and that’s what required for civilised society for sustained relationship because our minds can just be wild but still so if some desires and doubt just come and go occasionally we don’t have to bother about it like some wind just blows but some desire or doubt becomes stormy and the storm becomes threatening then we need to deal with it and dealing with it is through a balance of honesty and modesty just like if I have a sore in a private part I don’t tell the whole world but I do go to a doctor and I show and ask for treatment so like that we need to go to a appropriate trustworthy devotee and while sharing our heart we need to have the confidence that we will not be judged or ridiculed so love is expressed so shifting to the other side so that love is expressed through understanding and appreciating or empathising so we need like-minded association although we want to ultimately transcend the mind during the lifetime we have the same mind that’s why we need to find who is who will understand our questions not question our questions so desires make us feel low but doubts make us feel high and that’s why we have to find some devotee who’s also intellectual whom we see respectably and then we can ask our questions to them but either way when somebody shares their heart our goal should be not just to give the solution our goal is first to understand and then make the other person feel understood like a doctor who just gives one’s own specs and they’re not understanding the patient’s condition or the doctor who gives even the right prescription without hearing the patient and they’re not patient will not be convinced to take the treatment so when somebody when there are interactions we actually see those interactions as a means for coming closer and when somebody shares their heart non-judgementally in a customised way for them offered in guidance and as through such interactions devotees enter into each other’s hearts then both their hearts are permeated with Krishna’s presence because both of them are towards Krishna and Prabhupada did this in a very extraordinary way that’s how he attracted thousands and thousands of people to Krishna’s lotus feet and by when the force of love which is either choked or misdirected presently is freed that when we feel loved and we feel someone whom we want to love and that can overpower all our conditionings and we can march towards Krishna.
Thank you very much. Hare Krishna. So when we can’t eat with others our relatives of colleagues because of our restrictions and they can’t prepare within our restrictions then they feel as if we are just rejecting them so how can we give them a positive perception of bhakti there are different ways in which we can express our concern for them everybody one advantage of contemporary world is that it’s quite individualistic so individualistic means that you do your thing I’ll do my thing and you don’t impose your thing on me and I won’t impose my thing on you so in that sense there are many people who are vegans now and they’re quite strict about it and other people respect it so in that sense the ayurvedic society becomes a little bit more individualistic Indian society to some extent is more you could say um more community centred rather individual centred so in that sense if the community itself is spiritual that’s wonderful but if it is not then it becomes a little more difficult but still as long as there are certain principles which we follow but it’s not that we reject everything see especially we can be there when we need help many times when somebody’s sick and somebody isn’t there uh final moments some relatives some family member or they need in some other situation we can be there at that time so see principles can also be followed in a way that doesn’t make people feel uncomfortable if I am following certain regulations and I make others feel lowly for not following those regulations that is when they become very uncomfortable but if you say these are these are my spiritual principles and just leave it at that we don’t say you know you have to do this so then sometimes if we practically adjust and you say okay I’ll come there but then I’ll take this diet or this diet or then if you it’s difficult for you to get I’ll arrange something for myself it’s not that we are not going to come there so it’s just that in this world people are often uncomfortable with the unfamiliar so if we just make them recognise that okay there’s some aspect of me which is unfamiliar but others will say me so then it becomes then it becomes less difficult there are certain principles which we have to be firm about because otherwise if we keep bending bending then they’ll just bend us in everything so certain things we have to be firm about but that doesn’t mean it’s it’s also how I am firm about things it is I can I can be pure without making others feel impure if I do that then overall people accept let’s say that it’s just a little bit of sensitive to understand within that situation how can I express affection how can I reciprocate with them without affecting without compromising my principles beyond that I would say that people’s main concern is especially if people are close to us or they are loud ones then you know what are we doing with our life if they see overall that we have by our doctor’s practises they become a better person if we become more responsible more mature then over a period of time they have accepted it takes time but over a period of time this is this is just one aspect of this person I don’t agree with it but I accept it see there is there are three levels there is something which people just can’t accept there is something which people no first is they just can’t understand it second is they they understand but they don’t accept third is they understand and they accept so at the very least you should not be at this level you can’t why are you doing like this just can’t understand so we try to rationally explain we try to be courteous we try to be kind so if we can come to the second or third level that is good enough then our relationships can move on functionally but if we are self-righteous about what we are doing then what happens is people just feel totally alienated totally alienated so it’s better that we avoid that a perception that I am higher than you it’s one thing I am different than you another is I am higher than you so I am different that’s okay but if I pursue that I am higher then alienated so the other question was how much time do we actually have so when views of desire come is there some reasoning because of me those desires come so basically desires come from two ways one is outer perception and the other is inner recollection that means I as a soul I’m here and I see some desirable object and then the desire starts coming that is from outer perception and sometimes there is no outer perception but in the past we have indulged in something and it’s either recollection oh that was so nice I want to go and enjoy that so either way the desire may come up now to some extent the outer perception is in our control of course it’s not entirely in our control because what objects we will see in the world is not in our control but the one thing is seeing the other is dwelling and I see something and move on but if I keep thinking about it oh that’s what I saw that’s what I saw Krishna says the problem is seeing the objects is not the problem contemplating on the objects is the problem so to some extent if we know okay this is a particular but this is the kind of object which will agitate me then I have to be careful say for example the person is a recovering alcoholic and this is their home and this is their office and along the way there is a bar which they have repeated they are frequented quite often then every time they pass by that bar the desire is going to come oh maybe I should go and drink maybe I should go and drink so then what do they need to do if they are if it’s a constantly troubling desire and if they really want to avoid it they may say I’ll take some other way maybe it’s a little longer I’ll take some other way or I’ll make sure that when I’m driving and I’m not looking out maybe I’m hearing something an audio book or whatever I just close that side of the window so that I don’t see put a curtain over there some perception you just have to shut down so if you can find out some specific stimulus that is causing the desire we can try as much as possible to cut ourselves off cut the stimulus off from us that’s one thing the other is that sometimes it may just come from inner recollection now why the inner recollection comes it’s quite difficult to say see if there’s a pond and suddenly ripples come in the pond one reason could be somebody has thrown a stone but Shri Prabhupada also says sometimes fermentation may happen at the bottom of the pond and because of that some bubbles come up and they ripple so if a stone is thrown that’s like there’s an external perception which causes internal agitation but sometimes recollection comes and it’s like fermentation was happening inside and came out so as far as the recollection is concerned we can’t do much now why does that happen? why does that recollection come? sometimes you could say that it’s just because of our past karma.
Astrology to some extent tells that in certain phases of one’s life one will be more vulnerable. Some people say that in this period don’t purchase anything because this time you know you’ll be just too much influenced by desire so be careful so like that so we can find out sometimes the past karma this is a past karma sometimes problems come in our life similarly sometimes the past karma desires may also come in our life problems may come externally sometimes desires may come internally so then when they come what can we do? we need to do two things try to fill our mind with the positive we can’t not think of something for example if i know this phone has fallen in some sticky substance so i know if i touch it my hand will become messy so i can say i will not touch this but if i say i will have alcoholics say i will not think of alcohol but in not thinking of alcohol i thought of alcohol isn’t it so you know we can’t not think of something but what we can do is we can have something positive to think about so if you fill our life with positive activities purposeful positive either responsible activities materially or devotionally attractive activities then even if that recollection gets stimulated it won’t get too much mental room it’ll stay there for some time it’ll go away after that because we don’t give it to so we can’t empty our mind of desires but we can crowd desires out of our mind desires can desires cannot be the consciousness cannot be sorry desires cannot be driven out but they can be crowded out this fill if i decide i want to create vacuum in this glass i want to remove all the air from this glass it’s very difficult but if i just fill the glass with if but if my purpose is to remove the air from the glass just fill it with water the air won’t go away so like that when we fill our mind with positive things we construct two things then the negative goes away and not just feel a bit positive see when the recollections come what is also important is how much emotion is invested in the recollections sometimes you remember something from childhood okay you know i went there i did that it’s fine it’s a memory comes and goes it’s not much it’s just a see there is factual memory and there’s emotional memory factual memory of you know what is the capital of turkey there’s no emotion invested in it but if say if the capital if i go to say what is the capital of india and there is a place where i stay there’s emotion invested in it so you know our devotional memories they shouldn’t just be factual memories they also have to be emotional memories that means within bhakti we have to find some we have to create those memories which are emotionally rich sweet interactions with devotees is okay i’ll think about this okay there is some pleasure over there but i have had such richer pleasure over here i want to focus on this and that way we can resist those memories so usually it’s very difficult if we can find the cause it’s good but if you can’t find the cause there’s no need to worry too much we’ll focus on the solution solution is let us fill our mind with krishna