If our past bad relationships make us averse to exploring new relationships, what should we do?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So, thank you very much.
So, if somebody has hurt us, betrayed us, disappointed us, then we may forgive them. But we may find it difficult to trust others in future. Yeah, that is just normal human behavior.
None of us want to be hurt. Say, as I gave an example, if I went on a road and I experienced a very bad bump, then in future, I will tend to drive very slowly. Because I don’t want to be bumped like that.
So, that is just normal human behavior. It is actually foolish sometimes to rush into situations where we may get hurt again. So, one extreme is foolhardiness, where we just rush into situations which will hurt us.
The middle balance question is caution, where we wait, watch and then decide. But the other extreme is indecision, indecision or inaction. So, one is driving very fast, the other is driving watchfully, the middle is driving watchfully, the third is just driving too slow, you are not driving at all.
So, sometimes when we have been hurt in a relationship, we may go to the other extreme, where we may just become inaction or indecision. So, we may need time to heal. And giving ourselves time to heal is natural.
But what is unnatural is just holding on to the past and seeing the whole present through the prism of the past. The past has happened to us and that is one educational lesson that we have got, which is important. But that doesn’t have to be the sole glasses or sole prism through which I see the present.
That is one way I do look at the present through that. But I need to say, yes, it is possible that this person may also be like that. But it is also possible that they may not be.
So, if we see the past as a resource for the present, not as the past as a controller of the present, then we will become cautious, but we will not become, as we say, going to paralyzing dynamics too much. But when the past is still controlling us, then it becomes a sole filter through which we are looking at the present. Then it is a problem.
So, usually if we grow spiritually, if we try to practice bhakti, try to connect with Krishna, then our consciousness also arises, we come to a little bit to the mode of goodness, to calmness and then we can evaluate more objectively. This is similar over here and this is different. Otherwise, if I am looking through the glass of the past, then I see it only in that color.
I see even white as red. So, I am looking through a red glass. But in the past, if I had no experience of red, I would not recognize red only.
So, I should be able to recognize red when it is there. But I should not see red when it is not there. So, by calmly reflecting on the situation, this is parallel, this is similar, but this is different.
We can arrive at a more educated, more informed understanding. So, caution is healthy. But paralysis, paralysis is not.
So, thank you very much for your attention and for your thoughtful questions. Hare Hare Krishna.