How can we detach ourselves from what others think about us?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So, how do we what others think about us because that’s often generated. There is it can actually at another level that is inside everybody’s head a whole movie is going on and in that movie they are the stars and we are simply an extra.
We are simply an extra. So, if we are watching a particular movie by someone how many of us notice who the extra is? Maybe if you know the extra you notice I saw you in the movie. Otherwise we don’t care for the extra.
So, basically this is not to this is not to minimize the importance of relationship but to create a sense of perspective actually we worry so much about what other people think but we will stop worrying if we knew how little other people thought about us. If we turn around and we think about how much we think about other people. We do think but not much.
We have our own life. We have our own issues. We have our own emotions.
When they interact with us we think about them. But everybody has their own life to live and basically in their life we are extras. Some extras may have some important roles also but still the point is that we cannot give inordinate importance to other people’s opinions.
So, we have to begin our life from the fundamental platform from the fundamental acceptance that we are alone. We come in this world alone and we die alone. We are alone in this world.
We can form relationships and these relationships can help us to overcome the feelings of loneliness that we have. But ultimately if we consider if we consider from the perspective of karma all of us have done some karma all of us get some reactions. I cannot suffer your reaction.
You cannot suffer my reaction. So, this understanding that in others’ life drama we are extras and that every one of us is alone. That’s why I said these two things can be very discouraging at one level.
Oh, I am alone. Nobody cares for me. That’s not the point generally.
We have relationships and we want to care for each other. People do care for us. We also care for people.
But there is a foundational point from which we move forward. You know there is dependence, there is independence and there is interdependence. So, when there is dependence when we are emotionally dependent on others then one small disapproval from the other person can be devastating for us.
So, we would like to go to the level of interdependence in our relationships. But it is only independent people who can become interdependent. Dependent people cannot become interdependent.
So, what I am talking about here is that we need to have this foundational understanding of which is the basis of independence. Yes, people do care for us. I do care for people.
I want to be free. But fundamentally inside everyone’s head is a drama going on in which they are the hero, they are the star player. We are extras.
And we are all alone in this. So, with this understanding we get a certain level of independence. And then we can choose interdependence.
Yes, I get some validation from some person and I give some validation to some other person. But if we do not come to this level of independence then we will always stay emotionally median. So, how do we how do we overcome this or how do we come to this level? Basically, we can look back maybe there are different thought exercises which could be done for this.
One thought exercise is let’s say we can consider 10 years ago we might have worried about some person’s opinion a lot. Oh no, that person might not be there even in our life now. Of course, that person was important for me.
And I don’t want to take the consideration that person’s opinion. But the point is that we have to contextualize people and their opinions. Whereas we tend to eternalize people and their opinions.
Contextualize means okay I am going through this phase in my life at this place I have a relationship and this opinion this opinion this perception is unfavorable for my growth. Then this is one relationship. This is one if we consider from a spiritual perspective we are soared on a multi-lifetime journey.
This is one life and I need to contextualize it. I don’t need to eternalize it. So, this person’s opinion of me becomes uncritically internalized as my self-definition of myself.
Then that is very damaging. So, by this thought exercise of looking back in the past at some person’s opinion because we consider very important then but these things are what matters now. It can help us to prevent help us to not get overly influenced by other people’s opinions.
And along with that if we can as I said, find some people who encourage us and then we keep their encouragement in the forefront of our consciousness. It’s not that people who discourage us or disapprove us are necessarily malicious. They may be ill-informed.
They may just be incompatible. There are various possibilities. But if we are to grow in our life then at present what they are saying is not a resourceful.
Then I have to put it aside. So, it’s said that if you want to function in life we need to have a soft heart but we have to cover it with a thick skin. If you only have a soft heart and a soft skin we will be we will be tormented.
And if you have a hard skin and a hard heart then we will just be profoundly lonely. So, we need a soft heart, tender heart but we need to cover it with a thick skin. That means that we want to develop relationships.
We are open for loving reciprocations with others. But at the same time we need to be prepared for shocks. So, that thick skin enables us to withstand the criticisms that may come, the disapprovals that may come.
And in general it is in not the practice of bhakti, practice of bhakti spirituality can help us develop this. Because we understand that we are soul and we are always loved by God, by Krishna who is Bhagavata describes God by the name Krishna and he is always with us no matter what, who does to us. So, the tenderness of the heart can be there internally but the thickness of skin can be there externally where we recognize that there are many people who have different opinions and they will criticize us.
But because we are internally connected with Krishna and internally spiritually nourished we can resist that worldly criticism. Sounds good? Okay.