Understanding how our mind makes us misunderstand 4 – QA

[Retreat on Instincts, Impulses, Intelligence at Melbourne, Australia]

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So, how can we deal with say streaks of violence or maniacal behavior that sometimes seems to dominate us? All of us have certain impressions that we carry from the past and they push us to act in particular ways.
So, some of us may be verbally violent, slash out at others. Some of us may become physically violent. Now, when this sort of thing happens in today’s world, often there is a tendency to pathologize human behavior.
That means to treat all human behavior simply as a result of brain functions. And to try to think that all behaviors can be treated using some treatment. So, yes, in some cases there is a short temper.
Sometimes, I was at a mental health care hospital in New Jersey and I was giving a talk over there. So, one of the doctors told me that there is one patient over there. He just came for a visit and he was told something and he got so angry.
Within five minutes, he destroyed almost $10,000 worth of equipment. This maniac fit. So, then they had to give a sedative to put him to sleep.
The thing is that at a medical level, we may be able to check extreme attacks of anger by giving a sedative or something like that. But in general, we cannot find chemical solutions to human problems. If there is a clear cause in terms of brain issues, that there is some structural damage in the brain or there is a clearly defined chemical imbalance in the brain, then something to compensate the chemical imbalance that might be taken.
But otherwise, we have to find human solutions to human problems or rather we have to change our human orientation by which we can deal with the problem. So, broadly speaking, to deal with anger, there are three main steps. First is anticipation.
Second is minimization. And third is redirection. I will explain what I mean by this.
Let us suppose say if we are driving a car and suddenly the car hits a nasty bump. Everybody gets a jerk over there. Now, nobody wants to be jerked like that.
If that is on our normal road, then what we do is we anticipate. Okay, now I am coming to this bump, let me slow down, slow down. Similarly, we can observe ourselves and find what situations we get angry with.
We explode. What are the kind of situations in which our life hits a bump and then we react violently. So, by anticipating, we can slow down.
Okay, the situation is becoming high pressure now. Let me slow down. Let me maybe take a break.
Let me do some deep breathing. Let me do some chanting. Let me do some slowing down the pace of my life so that I can calm myself down.
So, by self observation, we can anticipate and prepare. And many problems, many provocative situations, the provocation can be minimized by anticipation. The second is minimization.
Minimization means that, see different anarthas, they allure us with different ways. Lust, for example, allures us with pleasure. Come on, enjoy, there is so much pleasure.
Anger allures us with power. It makes us feel, Ishu, you have tolerated enough now. Now you have to show who you are.
I will give you the peace of my mind. I will do this. So, anger allures us with a sense of power.
But actually, that is a power that works much more against us than for us. When I become angry and do certain things, I often do things which hurt, which not only hurt others, but they hurt me. So, it is like, as soon as I realize that I have become angry, if the front wheels of my car, if I forgot to anticipate, there is a bump over here, the front wheels of my car hit the bump and does a jerk, then at least brake at that time, slow down, slow down.
So, like that, as soon as we realize that now we have got angry. So, the nature of the mind is, now you have become angry, get fully angry. Just let it out.
Everything that is there, let it out. Sometimes, the first reaction is almost unavoidable. Somebody does something which angers us and we explode.
But what after that? As soon as we realize, stop it, minimize it. It is like, suppose, a snake, I am walking along the road and a snake has come and bit me. I look down, I feel stinging pain in my leg.
I look down, I see the snake slithering away. If I get angry, you snake, how dare you bite me? I will show you. And I start running after the snake, I will beat you to death.
Now, even if I reach the snake, even if I pound it and crush it and kill it, what is going to happen? I am killing myself. The poison is spreading faster in my body. So, I may have an instinctive reaction.
You do something to me, I will do this to you. But as soon as I realize what I am doing, I am making things worse. So, minimize.
It is just because I have taken one wrong step, does not mean I have to take 10 wrong steps. So, many times when we take one wrong step and realize, I should not be doing this. Okay, now I have done it, what is the use? Let me do it.
That is how the mind tricks us. No, just stop, minimize. As soon as we realize it, minimize it.
And third is that redirection. Redirection means that, as I said, anger allures us with the promise of power. We feel that this situation has gone off hand for a long time.
Now, I have to show myself. But instead of doing that, you say, okay, this is the situation. Anger basically indicates that something is very important for us.
It is only about things that are important that we get angry. So, normally we think of our emotions in two main terms, either expressing the emotion or repressing the emotion. But there is a more healthy medium between the two.
That is processing the emotion. Not repressing, not expressing, but processing. Processing means that I analyze the situation.
Okay, I got angry right now. Like earlier I said about separating the emotion and the situation. So, similarly, I analyze.
Okay, what? Now, it may not be possible at that time. That time I just need to somehow calm myself down. But afterwards, okay, what made me so angry at that time? Because this person did this.
That is fine. This person did this. But somebody else could have handled the situation in a different way.
There must be something which is very important for me over here. What is it that is important? How can that issue be addressed? So, I go deeper rather than just repressing the anger or beating ourselves up for getting angry or beating others up because we got angry. Instead of both of those, what we do is we process.
Find out what is it that is important for us over here. What is it that we feel is going out of control that makes us feel I have to take this emergency action of shouting or hitting or whatever. And for us to do that, sometimes we may need for the redirection to be effective.
Sometimes a restriction has to be created also. Restriction means this is something which I will not do. We all have to have some barriers around us.
So, that means that if there are certain situations which provoke me and certain situations in which I may hurt someone else or someone else may hurt me, if they get maniac fits, then we may have to create some restrictions. This is a situation in which we have to keep a safe distance. So, basically we have to address the underlying issue.
And the underlying issue that can be addressed by calm reflection. What is the issue? So, sometimes the writing down helps. I got angry because of this.
But why this? This is what is important for me. This person did not do this. Okay, they did not do this, but what was it that affected me so much? Basically, our mind is filled with strong emotions.
Those emotions have some causes. Some of the causes are real. Some of the causes are our imaginations or interpretations of what has happened.
But let me just, if you decide, I will journal, I will write down. Okay, this was what made me angry. Just vent it out, then calm down.
That itself will calm us down. Okay, I got angry because of this, this, this, this, this, this. And after we calm down, maybe after a few hours, then go back and look at it.
Okay, what was it that made me go off like that? Okay, this is a valid reason. This is, I don’t know this. I don’t get more information.
This was just my imagination. So, gradually as we process it, we’ll be able to deal with it better. And when we process the emotion, we won’t feel as if I’m repressing myself.
At the same time, we won’t be expressing ourselves in an unhealthy way. And for this, for all these three to happen, as I said, anticipation, minimization and redirection. We need, especially if the force of anger is very strong, we need a strength greater than ours.
And that is the strength of Krishna. So, if we practice bhakti diligently, we chant Krishna’s name especially, associate with devotees, study scriptures, that will give us access to a higher strength. And that higher strength will come out as a voice within us.
When we are about to get angry, don’t do this. Stop. At that moment, even one moment of timely counsel can save the situation.
And the more we connect with Krishna, the more we become receptive to Krishna by practicing bhakti, the more that inner connection will guide us in times of need. And thus we’ll be able to resist those streaks of angry behavior. Any other questions? Yeah.
Thank you. So, intelligence means to understand how our mind is making a misunderstanding. But how do we know that this understanding which we are getting, is it coming from the mind or the intelligence? Yeah.
Three broad parameters. First is that whether it is broadly in agreement with Guru Sadhu Shastra. We need to evaluate the mind.
We need some reference point beyond the mind. And that reference point is Shastra. So, when we are regularly hearing scripture, then that nourishes our intelligence.
And then what happens is, okay, this is my understanding. This is what scripture also says. In the doctrine of scripture, it is not just some specific verses, but it is a broad overall understanding of life.
So, harmony with scripture is the first thing we can look at. Second thing is that rather than acting on any understanding immediately, we wait. Because the mind pushes us impulsively, forcefully and urgently.
Now, do it now. We just wait, and the heat of the moment, the passion of the moment goes down. And then after that, we can evaluate more objectively.
Okay, this is what I thought it is like that. But after one day, yeah, it could be, but there are many other things I did not consider. So, one characteristic of the mode of goodness is patience.
Mode of passion is characterized by frenzy. Do it now. So, just being ready to wait, that itself will minimize the effect of the mind’s passion and help us to evaluate the intelligence goodness.
And thirdly, we need some association. So, if we have some close friends, even one close friend with whom we can share our heart, and then they tell us, okay, this is what my understanding is. And then what do you think about it? So, then what is happening? Normally, we look at things and the mind is filtering our perception.
And we use our intelligence to identify the mind. But because both are inside us, at a particular point, we may not be able to perceive so well. So, when we have somebody else who is perceiving, in general, it is much easier to see things which are not directly influencing us.
Because when something is directly influencing us, we get too emotionally invested in that situation. Many times the doctors, if they have to treat their own child, they are often told, you do not do surgery on your child. You know, ask some other doctor to do it.
Because if you get too emotionally invested in it, that can bias one’s decisions. So, sometimes, because it is our own life, we are too emotionally invested. So, somebody is a little more emotionally distanced, they observe and they give us a perspective.
Okay, yeah, this is what I thought. But no, we are not considering these factors. And then we can get understanding.
And it is not necessary, the last point is that there is no guarantee in life that the understanding that we have is the right understanding. But we move forward with the best understanding that we have right now. And if we find that, okay, my understanding was somewhat wrong, then we do course correction.
And we okay, I went off in this direction. But now let me move back and come in this direction. So, if we try to wait for the for the clearest or the best understanding to emerge, we will be waiting for the rest of eternity.
So, we have to work with whatever understanding we get. And as we at one at a conscious level, we try to get a clearer and clearer understanding. At a we could say at a subconscious level, the process of bhakti yoga, which we are practicing, it purifies us more and more.
And that also helps us at a subconscious level to remove the fog with the mind is created. And so then our understanding also becomes clear. Okay.
So, any other questions? Yeah, if any matajis have questions, we will try to have one probably one mataji. We can always have more problems asking questions. So, it is why don’t we make the Bhagavad Gita compulsory in India? So, when there is so much wisdom available there.
Yeah, I think it is a question that we need to ask to the government of India primarily. But I would say that the two three things which we consider from our situation is that we live in a multicultural world. And because of that, people perceive people are very opposed to any one faith being imposed on on general people.
We feel that faith is a personal matter which should be chosen by oneself. So, as of now, the Bhagavad Gita is seen as a religious book. It is seen as a book of Hindus.
And as long as the Bhagavad Gita is seen as a religious book, it will, it will be difficult for the government to make it mandatory. Maybe in future in some states, there is a government which is ruled by different principles, then it will be possible. But let me update this point.
So, but what can be done is, we can, we need to present the wisdom of the Bhagavad Gita in a way that we focus not on it as a book of religion, but as a book of wisdom. When it is seen as a book of wisdom, and this is a book of wisdom that has come in our Indian tradition, it is a national heritage of India. So, then that will make people more open.
So, that cannot be done at a religious level. A few years ago, there was a big attempt to try to make a Bhagavad Gita national book of India. And it led, it led to a lot of virulent opposition from people saying that, are you going to make India a theocracy? Are you going to make India a radical Hindu country or what? So, in today’s world, that way, religious pressure will not work.
The Bhagavad Gita has to be repositioned as a book of wisdom. And there are devotee scholars who are working in the mainstream academia for that purpose also. Now, beyond that, at an individual level, each of us can do our part in sharing the Gita’s message.
And when we do that, actually, anything that is made mandatory, people do it as a ritual. And they don’t take it very seriously. So, rather than, like when I sometimes do college programs, sometimes the college authorities, say in India, some colleges, they are still having some administration which has some values.
So, they make it a mandatory class. So, they switch off, they cancel the class. And they may have some 500, 1000, 2000 students coming for a class.
At one level, it’s very impressive. But out of those 2000 people, even if we give the best class, they’re just not interested. They’re all looking at their phones, they’re just chatting on the phones.
And if we try to make it mandatory, people just switch off. So, it’s much better that we work towards, at an individual level, share Krishna’s message with others. And a change that comes from the grassroots up, that is actually much more sustainable in a change that is brought from bottom up, top, top down.
From the top down, a lot of resources will come to support. But that will not necessarily lead to acceptance from others. That will only lead to, in today’s ethos, that will actually lead to resistance.
So, going from bottom up, trying to do our best, try to share message with others. And when we do this more and more vigorously, actually, just as you found the Gita’s message was relevant. I also, in my childhood, my earliest memory of the Gita was, I participated in a shloka recitation competition, and I won a prize for reciting the Gita verses.
But I thought of the Gita only as some nice shlokas to memorize and get prizes. I never thought of it as a book which would have any practical relevance to me. When a friend came and gave me a Bhagavad Gita, told me you should read this.
I said, my first day, I’ve already read it. And I had read it. But when I saw him transformed, he had been a very materialistic person, but he was looking so sober, so gentle, so cultured.
I felt, if this transformation has happened in him by reading the Bhagavad Gita, maybe in my reading I have missed something. I want to read it. So, this, if you say bottom up or lateral sharing, this is what is going to transform in a sustainable way.
And that is what is in our power and our influence right now. So, yes, the Bhagavad Gita has come from India, and it is India’s national heritage, and it is unfortunately not being studied much in India. It’s not taught at all.
But somehow, that’s the way the governmental situation is. That’s the way the cultural trend is today. That if we try to impose something, it will be resisted, and it will not be accepted.
Open-mindedly or wholeheartedly. So, rather than waiting for that, we just focus on doing what is in our power. So, the Prabhupada, before he went to America, he had practically no resources.
And the Bhagavad Gita was, okay, it was known, but hardly as known as it is now. So, Prabhupada had no resources, but he started off, and he did his best. When I recently met one of the editors of Srila Prabhupada in the early days, and he said when he was typing the books of Srila Prabhupada, Prabhupada gave him some manuscripts.
He said you type them. And he saw those manuscripts were actually, normally when we write, we keep some left margin, right margin. Prabhupada when he was in India, he was in such a financially challenged situation that he did not have paper.
So, he had written literally hundreds of pages from the left top till the right bottom. No space for margin, because he wanted to use every single space that he had. And many of the pieces of paper on which he had written, they were actually the insides of envelopes, which he had got as letters.
He had stuck them all together and made them into pages and he had written on that. He had no resources, but he did what he could. And from that, now a global movement has emerged and millions of millions of Bhagavad Gita’s have been distributed.
Thousands and thousands of people’s lives have been enriched by that wisdom. So, Krishna had his plan and Krishna empowered Srila Prabhupada in extraordinary ways. When it all began, Srila Prabhupada did what was in his power.
So, surrender at one level means to do what we can with what we have now. To do what we can with what we have now. Just as you are sharing your appreciation of the Gita here, try to share that appreciation with others.
Learn the Gita more so that you can share more with others. And there are many, many people who are naturally, voluntarily ready to take up the wisdom if it is presented properly as wisdom to them. And as this number becomes more and more, as the Gita starts being seen more as a heritage book or a wisdom book and less as a religious book that is being imposed by one faith on another, then there will be greater openness to its wisdom.
Does this answer your question? Thank you. Thank you, Krishna. Yes, we have to look at the, especially the pastimes of Krishna, where Krishna has delivered even people who were extremely fallen, like say Ajanil or Jagai Madai, other people.
So, Krishna did not wait for people to become qualified. He was ready to deliver them where they were. So, by looking at that kind of pastimes, we can try to increase our faith that Krishna doesn’t judge or reject us.
That yes, there are actions, there are consequences, but Krishna is still there with us to help us. So, we have to see what our conception of Krishna is. Sometimes, many people grow up with a conception of God as a person who is very strict and who punishes the wrongdoers.
Now, we may not have exactly that kind of conception, but we may think that, okay, Krishna is in our spiritual world. He’s performing pastimes of the gopis. And I’m here in this world.
I’m struggling all alone. Does Krishna even care for me? We feel like that. But if Krishna didn’t care for us, then why did he have to speak the Bhagavad Gita? Why did he have to descend to this world? Why did he have to say, she’s a Prabhupada? If we look at our own lives, there are thousands and millions of souls in the world.
Now, why did Krishna Bhakti have to come in our life? Could I have gone to someone else? So, the very fact that we are practicing Krishna Bhakti right now, that indicates that Krishna has acted in our life. That Krishna has cared for us and that’s how he has chosen us. And as far as at least my life is concerned, whatever little spiritual advancement I have made, I can say that it’s not because of me.
It’s in spite of me. It’s I have my conditionings, I have my mind, I have my senses. And in spite of all these, Krishna is pulling me along.
So, we all can see Krishna acting in our life even now. And not in a moment to moment sense, but in a long term perspective, if you see, we can see that Krishna has acted in my life. So, that can give us more faith in the benevolence, in the kindness, in the mercifulness of Krishna as not just some abstract conception, but as an active principle in our own lives.
And based on that, we can decide that I’m going to reciprocate with Krishna. So, it’s not that I am pure or impure. The mind will say, oh, you are so fallen, you’re going to keep doing this and there’s no use for you to practice bhakti.
Okay, that’s fine. Even if I’m not able to give this up, whatever it is, still, I can keep practicing bhakti. See, whatever it is that has made us feel guilty, it can be because of something we have done in the past.
Or it can be because of something which we may be succumbing to right now also. But whatever it is, we are not defined just by how we fall. We are also defined by how we rise.
If we consider our life, if we consider the graph of our consciousness with respect to time, then there are phases when desires shoot up, when the weaknesses, lust, anger, greed, whatever it is, it just shoots up. And at those times, it may be almost impossible to resist. But these spikes, these surges of desires, they are not 24 hours.
They come, they stay for some time, and then they go after it. And then sometimes they come after a week, after a few days, after a few months, whatever it is. So now, when those surges come, even if it is irresistible at that time, what after that? The mind is extremely cunning.
You know, we are going through a normal, regular, law-abiding life, and somebody comes. He says, come with me. You want to make quick money? He says, what? Let’s rob a bank.
What? He says, no, no, I have a foolproof plan. Yes, come with me. No one will catch us, and we will become millionaires overnight.
No, no, no, I don’t want to. Come, come, come. And that person pursues us along, and we go along, and we rob the bank.
And while we are robbing, that person runs away. And then we are caught. And then we are brought in court, and when we are brought in court, we find the judge is that same person.
How dare you? First you made me rob, and now you are going to judge me? What right do you have to judge me? Our mind is like that. First, it makes us do wrong, and then it judges us. You are hopeless.
You are fallen. You are wretched. You are good for nothing.
So the mind makes us do wrong, and then beats us up for doing wrong. So at that time, what we need to do is stop being mind conscious. When the mind says, you are hopeless, you are good for nothing, you are this, you are that, just tune the mind out, and turn towards Krishna.
Okay, however I am, I will try to serve Krishna with whatever capacity I have. And when in between the phases, the surges come, if in between we try to serve Krishna sincerely, by that we will become purified. And then eventually, when the surges come, we will have greater capacity to resist them.
So when guilt is becoming an obstacle, we have to change our conception of Krishna. Krishna is not judging God, he is helping God. And we have to, we have to out trick the mind.
You are so fallen, okay, I am fallen, but still I can keep serving Krishna. And when we do these two things, change our conception of Krishna, and connect with Krishna from wherever we are right now, then we will be able to overcome this obstacle of guilt. Okay.
Any other questions? Okay. Okay. Any other questions? So I talked about how we can in our relationships, we have three options tolerate, mitigate and emigrate.
So with our children, how can we apply this? Yeah. So there are certain relationships, which are more committed relationships. And of course, in today’s world, all relationships have their gravity has become cheapened, but still we have to see with respect to our children, we have, we have a responsibility, we have obligation to help them make the right choices and help them to grow up.
So when in this situation, if we are trying to guide them, as I said, there is knowledge, facilities, and example that we set for them. Sometimes, despite doing all this, they may make some wrong choices. And to some extent, we can control them.
But beyond that, as they grow older, we cannot control them. So what we do is that we need to make sure that we make our disapproval of their actions, whatever they are going to do, we give our reasons why this is not good, why you should not do this. But we make that we express the disapproval clearly, by the same time, we do not make our love conditional.
That means, whatever you do, I am your mother, I am your father, I will be there for you. But these actions will have consequences. And I cannot always shield you from the consequence.
These consequences are going to come. So now what happens, we all learn in different ways. All of us are at different levels of spiritual evolution.
We are all souls who have gone through different lifetimes. And because of that, we need, we are not all at the same level. So some things which may be very clear for us, at that age, both biologically and spiritually, it may not be clear for them.
But if we do not, while trying to guide them or instruct them or protect them, we do not make our relationship itself conditional to their doing certain things. Yes, I will not be happy if you do this, I will be very unhappy, but still I am there for you. So what happens over a period of time, we are acting at a conscious level to help them, but Krishna is present in their hearts.
And Krishna is also acting in their hearts at a subconscious level. I know many devotee children. I will just tell one story of a devotee.
His mother, his father, his sister, they all became devotees. And this boy, he in his teenage just went off and he started exploring various things. So once he went to a concert.
Actually two boys, one in India and one in Australia, both of them told me similar stories, that when they went for this concert, he was very excited. All his friends had told him, this is a great concert, he paid a lot of money and went for it. And this was, it had been almost like a year or two, he had been exploring various things, not practicing bhakti so much, going off in other directions.
But at this particular point, he was there and as the concert started, suddenly, he said, this is just noise. There is this, there is no music, there is no play, this is noise. Bang, bang, bang.
He said, what is this? Somehow at that time, just remember, he says, I had attended so many kirtans in the temple. They are so much sweeter. They are so much better.
Now, there is nothing particular that he did. He did not chant his rounds and go to the concert. He did not do anything, but Krishna was acting.
And at that moment, suddenly, he got that epiphany, he got that realization. And then, that was just like one moment, which transformed him. Then he started coming to temple.
Now, he has become a, he has become a very good kirtanier. He has himself become a young devotee who preaches and he has become very dedicated. So, the parents did not impose.
They gave the knowledge, they gave the guidance as much as they could. But beyond that, they knew that even if we cannot guide, we cannot control, Krishna is there. So, we have to look in our situation, what is in our control.
And if something is not in our control, we just know that Krishna is guiding. And Krishna may, that soul may take some time to understand the things. So, during that time, it is painful for us to see them doing some wrong things.
But when we find the distress, we have to see again, what is the cause of that distress. Sometimes, it may be because we identify ourselves too much with that. That means, as I said earlier, my, I have to identify myself as first and foremost a servant of Krishna.
As a servant of Krishna, I am the parent. And I try to do this parenting as well as possible as a service. Sometimes, when we identify too much with this project, with making sure that my child becomes a devotee, then sometimes, it may well be because we may feel that if my child does not become a good person, my child does not become a devotee, then it is a failure for me.
And when that insecurity is there within me, I will be a failure. That insecurity may make us do things which would be excessive. That means, even small animals, if a tiny cat is there, that cat feels threatened, the cat will bring out its claws and fangs and attack viciously.
Because the cat feels threatened. Sometimes, if we have rooted our identity and our self-worth in a particular relationship, and when something starts going wrong in that relationship, then we may overreact. And that is because of our own insecurity within.
So, we have to be secure that Krishna says, that my duty is my responsibility. I will do it the best that I can, but the fruits are not in my hands. Sometimes, what happens is that we hear from scripture, we hear from devotees, and we get an expectation about our children, which we get an expectation that is unrealistic.
We have to stop expecting that our children will be reincarnations of Prahlad Maharaj. If we consider from an objective perspective, even if the children do not become devotees, almost all devotees children I have seen, they become good human beings. They grow up, they get the impressions, they may not want to take up the process the way the parents are taking up, but those impressions stay with them.
I have met so many devotee children, they have some issues with the parents, but almost nobody, even among western devotee children, practically nobody takes meat. Because they have got that understanding, they have got that taste. So, they all practice bhakti at their level and we need to accept that.
So, rather than getting too fixated or too worried about what my child will do, we have to see whether it is my own insecurity that is the issue at hand. And then when we practice Krishna bhakti more seriously, root our identity in our relationship with Krishna, then we give some freedom. Okay, this is what you want to do.
I am not happy about it, but we won’t see that as a personal defeat. We will see that as something that they need to go through to grow. And Krishna is there in their hearts.
Krishna will guide and Krishna will bring them back on the right course. So, rather than thinking that, okay, we can’t in any way, we don’t need to and we can’t cut off that relationship. But the point is that we need to maintain that attitude of service.
So, my service to Krishna was to channel the energy and guide the energy. And at a particular point in life, my service is to release the energy. There is surrender in different ways.
Arjuna surrenders to Krishna by picking up his bow and being ready to fight. That is a surrender. It is diligence in Krishna’s service.
Draupadi surrenders to Krishna by raising her hands. Krishna, I am yours. You do what you like.
I surrender to you. So, when our children are small, we may be like Arjuna, fighting and protecting our children from all bad influences. But when the children grow up, we have to become like Draupadi.
Things are not in our control. So, we have to surrender to Krishna. So, in both cases, we are serving.
We have to serve in different ways in different situations. Actually, during the break, a couple of devotees had asked me questions. So, I would like to address those questions before we move forward.
So, there is one question about, we are told that we should practice detachment. So, especially when we are in grahastha life, what does detachment mean practically? So, the word detachment can have a very negative connotation. Detachment can sometimes be said to mean hard-heartedness, non-emotionality or not caring.
That is not what bhakti is about. There is attachment, there is detachment and bhakti is beyond both of these. Bhakti is about commitment.
Not attachment, not detachment, but commitment. In fact, Prabhupada says in one lecture, often we think we are suffering in this material world because of our attachments. Prabhupada says in one lecture, our suffering is not because of our attachment.
It is because of our detachment. We are detached from Krishna. We are detached from Krishna and that is why we are in this world.
So, the whole process of bhakti is about cultivating an attachment to Krishna and to cultivate an attachment requires commitment. Commitment means that even if I feel like chanting or I do not feel like chanting, I will chant. So, commitment basically means we go beyond the sentiment of the moment and we do something based on our intent.
So, this is my intent and this is what I will do. So, in bhakti, ours is a process of commitment, not so much of detachment. And based on whatever situation we are in, we have to become committed to our service to Krishna.
So, when there is attachment, when there is material attachment, that can work out as an obstacle or as a distraction on our spiritual path. But more importantly, that we can have two visions of relationships. One is, earlier I said we have horizontal relationships and we have vertical relationships.
So, one way we can see is that I have to give up these horizontal relationships and develop a vertical relationship with Krishna. That is one way of looking at things. But the other is that ultimately, every relationship is a journey of growing in selflessness.
When I am alone, I can do whatever I want, I can go here, I can do this, I can do that. But when I develop a relationship with someone, I have to think about the other person. What do I do? When a husband and wife have a child, they can’t just do whatever they want to do, they have to think of the child.
So, every relationship forces us to come out of ourselves. And come out of ourselves means come out of our own mind’s ideas. I want to do this, I want to do that.
We grow in selflessness through every relationship. And the ultimate growth in selflessness is when we become absorbed in Krishna. And when we work for Krishna’s pleasure.
So, if we have this vision, then we can see that all relationships can help us to grow in selflessness. So, even our relationships which we may consider as material, they can help us, they can force us out of our own minds, our own worlds, and they can force us to grow in selflessness. And that way, every relationship can help us to grow towards Krishna.
Now, some relationships may be favorable, some relationships may be unfavorable. So, as devotees, we want to make our relationship with Krishna the foremost relationship. And we would like to harmonize all our other relationships with that relationship.
So, if our family members, if our spouse, our children, our parents, they are also practicing bhakti, then we all move towards Krishna together. But if some of them are not practicing bhakti, then that may seem to be an obstacle. But it doesn’t necessarily have to be an obstacle that way.
If you understand that, ultimately, what makes something spiritual and what makes something material? It is the attitude of service. If I am sitting here on Yasasana and speaking about Krishna, but if I am thinking that, oh, just see how clever I am. And I’m doing all this just to be praised by others, to spread my own glory, that the activity may be spiritual, but my consciousness is material.
And I’m not making any spiritual advancement. On the other hand, somebody may be taking care of their family members who may not be devotees. But they are doing that in the mood of service to Krishna.
Krishna, it is by your arrangement that I am in this situation. It is by your sanction. So I want to serve you.
Please help me to serve you. So that service attitude is what actually spiritualizes the activity. So if our family members are not devotees also, if our family members are not devotees, then also we can see that as an opportunity for service.
So detachment does not have to mean necessarily disconnection or irresponsibility or hard heartedness. Detachment while practicing bhakti is actually more of attachment to Krishna. And that attachment to Krishna comes through commitment to Krishna.
So for us detachment is more of being able to discern what is favorable to bhakti and what is unfavorable to bhakti. So there are many aspects of our life where we may be very emotionally invested and those may be unnecessary. So there is mundane news, there is sports, there is mundane socializing.
We may be able to minimize that. And by minimizing that, we can, by that level of detachment, can also help us to come closer to the devotee community and go closer to Krishna by that. But the key thing for us as far as detachment is concerned is that we try to bring the attitude of service in everything that we do.
And with respect to specific things, the kind of comforts we have in life, the kind of social situation, financial situation, detachment doesn’t mean that we have been negligent of these things. But in our situation, we have to find out the way in which our material situation stops being a competitor to our spiritual growth. What does this mean? If say I am fasting, if I decide tomorrow Ekadashi, I am going to fast without any food.
And I am fasting without food, but all day I have the big bag in my hand, I am chanting Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, but the mind is chanting food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food. Then what has happened at that time, the food has become a competitor to Krishna. So then in that case, just take some food and then chant Hare Krishna.
Of course, if I become obsessed with food, and I am constantly thinking about food, maybe this delicacy, that delicacy, that delicacy, then that is also a problem. So Krishna says, One who eats too little, or one who eats too much, neither of them can become a yogi. So, so if we are too infatuated with food and thinking about it constantly, or if we are too deprived of food and thinking of it constantly, in both ways, food becomes a competitor in our consciousness to Krishna.
And that is what we need to avoid. So now how much to eat? Each of us has our own body type, each of us has our own appetite. Different people, they eat differently.
Some people eat a little, and that is enough for them. Some people eat a lot, and that is what gives them energy. So we all have different needs at a physical level.
So we have to find out that level of food, that level of physical comfort, that level of financial security, where we, where that material resource, that material need stops being a competitor to Krishna. If I have too much anxiety about money, just thinking about money, money, money, I cannot fix my mind on Krishna. But again, if I have too much greed for money, then again, no matter how much I have, I am always thinking more and more and more.
So how do we find this balance? It is by intelligence and experience. Just like if I eat, how much is the right quantity for me to eat? People cannot tell me that. I say, oh, I ate too much, so I feel so drowsy now.
Sometimes I eat too little. Hey, I am feeling so hungry, I should have eaten a little more. So by experience, by intelligence, we learn.
The same way, with respect to us, with respect to our material engagements, what will be the level of material engagement where we can practice bhakti without the material thing becoming a competitor to our Krishna bhakti. That is something which each one of us has to take stock and decide. And that way, by keeping Krishna the goal and addressing our material situation according to our present level, we can move forward towards Krishna.
And most devotees, they would like to plan in such a way that in future, now they have social obligations, professional obligations, they try to save, so that in the future, they can take a less demanding job and focus more on Krishna. That is something which can be done in future. And we all can plan accordingly.
But right now, we work in such a way that we have our basic devotional commitment, but we focus not so much on detachment, but more on connecting with Krishna. And the more we connect with Krishna, detachment from that which is unconnected with Krishna will organically come. If we focus on detachment, that does not work.
The mind is very cunning. I say, I’m not, I’ll not do this. I’ll not do this.
I’ll not do this. I think about this. The mind, we say, I’ll not do this.
I’ll not do this. I’ll not do this. The mind creeps in quietly with the eraser and erases the knot.
I will not do this. I’ll not do this. I will do this.
And I do it. So negative obsession doesn’t work. Sometimes we may all feel, I’m too attached to this thing.
I want to give it up. But by focusing on it, it will be very difficult to give up. Just focus on the positive.
Focus on cultivating, cultivate commitment to Krishna and the negative will go away in due course. We have one last question. Okay.
So thank you all very much for your thoughtful participation and your sincere questions. I’m grateful to be of some service to you.