Getting our emotions to work for, us, not against us

[Youth meeting at Bahrain]

A computer, say we have opened a particular tab, and we are reading something on the net. And at that time, something else pops up. So, many of you may have seen pop-up windows.

Pop-up windows. Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare. Okay.

So, many of us may have seen, we might be working on reading one thing, but a pop-up window comes up. Now, that pop-up window we see. Okay.

Should I read this? Should I watch this? No, I have to do this. Or if it seems interesting, we may go there and watch it. Now, just as this happens on a computer screen, or a phone screen, where we may be reading something, but some notification comes up, some update comes up, some pop-up comes up, and we select.

Okay. Should I continue with this or should I do this? So, similarly, we can consider our own mind to be like a computer screen. And there, many different stimuli keep coming.

And we need to select which stimuli we focus on. Now, among the various stimuli that come within our consciousness, there are those which are, we could say, thoughts. There are those which are emotions.

There are those which are intentions. I was in America just a few months ago, and we had gone on top of a mountain in Colorado where we had a retreat. And while we were having that retreat, snow started falling.

So there, we actually saw how snowballs are formed. We were near a mountain, and we could see the mountain sloping down. We were on a mountain, but there's another mountain which is higher up.

So the snowballs are formed. At the top, you can see, it's a small ball. It's so small that as it is rolling down, somebody might just kick it with their leg and it'll crack apart.

But as it starts going down, down, down, down, it starts acquiring more and more two things, more mass and more momentum. And as it gets more mass and more momentum, the force with which it starts moving down becomes greater. And the same person who could have just with a flip of a toe cracked into the top of the mountain, when it comes to the bottom of the mountain, it can knock over that person.

It can even injure a person. Sometimes the snowballs become so big that they can actually damage a whole house, a small house. So usually, at the bottom of the mountains, they have arrangements by which the snowballs won't roll into the residential areas or the work areas.

They either create drains or ditches or they have clear areas. Basically, snowball at the top is very easy to stop. But snowball at the bottom is very difficult to stop.

So something similar applies in our mind. When a thought comes in, so we observe something. At that level, it is simply a tiny snowball.

That thought has come in. But then, from there, as we move on, hey, that's nice. Maybe I can try it out.

So once we do that, then it starts becoming bigger and bigger and bigger. And as it starts coming down, down, down, down, it just becomes unbearable. It becomes irresistible.

So what starts off first is the perception. Perception means that something has come in our mind. Then from there, we start thinking about it.

From the perception comes thought. From the thought comes emotion. Thought means just looking at it, thinking about it.

But emotion means we are experiencing some emotion in relationship with it. Say, if we are watching one video on YouTube, another YouTube-related video comes up. And when we look at it, just look at the title first.

And then maybe some previewers come, hey, that's nice. So first we are observing. That time it's more of neutral.

But when the emotion gets involved, then it becomes stronger. Hey, that's nice. I want it.

And then as it moves forward, it becomes an intention. By the time it becomes an intention, it has become very powerful. And then intention leads to action.

So the Bhagavad Gita talks about this in 2.62 and 2.63. dhyāyato viśayān pumsah saṅgas teṣhu pajāyate saṅgāt sañjāyate kāmāt kāmāt krodho vijāyate krodhāt bhavati sammoha sammohāt smuti vibhrama smuti bhramaśāt buddhi nāśo buddhi nāśāt pranaśyati So it says dhyāyato. First there is perception. Then from the perception comes contemplation.

Start thinking about it. As I said, we can perceive hundreds of things. Right now you may be hearing the sound of the fan.

But unless the fan starts making some odd-looking sound, odd sound, we won't focus on it. There's perception, but there's no contemplation. But sometimes we perceive something, then there's contemplation.

From contemplation, then there comes saṅga. Saṅga is infatuation. Hey, that's nice.

Then saṅgāt sañjāyate kāmah Then it goes to the level of obsession. I want it. Then when it comes to obsession, kāmāt krodho vijāyate From obsession comes infuriation.

Who can stop me from getting it? I am going to get it. Then krodhāt bhavati sammoha Then from that infuriation, when you get angry, from that comes illusion. From illusion, sammohāt smuti vibhrama Then there is forgetfulness or oblivion.

We forget what is right, what is wrong, what we have heard, what we have experienced. smuti brahmaśāt muddhi nāśo Then there is stupefaction. The intelligence is destroyed.

And muddhi nāśāt praśati There, self-destruction. So when I was in America, I met one boy. He has now become a devotee.

Around 2021. So when he was 18, he was just getting into, he was in a college. In many countries, many states in America, all over the world actually, but in America and some states, drugs are very easily available.

So this boy was just getting into drugs. And at that time, his grandmother passed away. And his grandmother and mother, his mother's mother, they would not get along very well.

So his grandmother had a lot of wealth, but she did not give it to her daughter. She gave it to her grandson. So he was just coming to maturity, 18, and he got something like 1 million dollars.

All in his name. And he got that, and he was just exploring drugs. So in 8 months, he spent a full 1 million dollars.

And at the end of it, he was in a drug de-addiction centre. Finally got so frustrated with himself, he attempted suicide. And somehow somebody intervened and pulled him out.

And then he was taken to this drug addiction centre. There he met some devotees. And then they told him about chanting Hare Krishna.

He started chanting, started experiencing a little bit relief. But, so I was talking with him. So he, he read some of my articles on my website.

And he liked those articles. So he had come to meet me. So when I was talking with him, he said, how did this whole thing start? His parents, like all parents, they tried to protect him from bad habits in some ways.

But he had just gone to college. And while he was in college, at that time, his friend told him, do you want to become a man? He said, what do you mean? Do you want to become a man? And then he told him, that actually, in his case, they don't take drugs. All men take drugs.

Now this is all propaganda. This is all stupidity. See, it's all about fooling the intelligence.

So, how things have worked is, that, today, there is a systematic propaganda to catch our emotions and make us do things based on our emotions. We live in a world where there is a huge amount of advertising. And if you look at the history of advertising, it's very interesting.

That, in the, till 1990, 2000, even 2010, sorry, 1910, till 1890, 1900, 1910, the advertisements were mostly about the merits of the product. Oh, if you buy this shampoo, you buy this, it will do this, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, like that. But then there was a psychologist, Sigmund Freud.

And he proposed, that actually, human beings have an emotional side and a rational side. And he said that, the rational side is like a small canoe. You know canoe? Canoe is a boat, but it has no side walls.

It's just a log, set of logs tied together. So, a canoe, the rational side is like a small canoe and the emotional side is like a turbulent ocean. So, people can normally act rationally.

But once their emotions get triggered, then the waves come in the ocean, the waves overturn the canoe. And then, people start acting, based on their emotions, they act irrationally. They are driven by their emotions.

Now, his idea in speaking this was, that actually we need to, we need to preserve people's rationality. But many people use this idea to try to systematically trigger people's emotions. In fact, now most advertisements are not so much about what the product is or what the product will do.

Most advertisements are about what the product will make you feel. How the product will make you feel. So, I was at an airport a few years ago.

I was going to Calcutta. And then I saw an advertisement. There was this Bollywood star.

And there was this young man who was walking along. And there is a bevvy of young girls. Not one of the girls was noticing this boy.

He was feeling sorry for himself. And then there is this Bollywood star comes over there. And then when he comes there, all the girls squeal and call out his name and go and rush him and hug him and start kissing him.

And this boy is feeling sorry for himself. And then the Bollywood star comes to him and he says, Do you want to know the secret? What is the secret? Yeah, fair and handsome. Now, then he applies his fair and handsome.

And then he comes back. As he is walking along there, those girls come and rush him and hug him and kiss him. Now, such an advertisement is an insult to both male and female intelligence.

Why? That a woman will fall for a man just because he has applied some shampoo. That is an insult to female intelligence. And that men will believe such nonsense.

That is an insult to male intelligence. But it's all about feelings. I just gave a series of talks in Bahrain about overcoming fear.

So, I have been speaking on this topic at various places. And I will do some research and write a book on this. So, what are the top 10 fears of people say in the 18th century, as much as we know, in the 19th century, in 1950, in 2000, in 2017.

So, I did a comparative study. So, in recent centuries, after 9-11, if you look at the top 10 fears, there are two fears which have been added. One fear predictably is terrorists.

That's among the top 10 fears of people. The second fear is the fear of rejection. The fear of rejection.

That when somebody tries to form a relationship with someone and say that other person rejects us. That fear of rejection is a great fear. And that is caught through such advertisements.

What happens is the fear, I want to somehow or the other be attractive. And I am not attractive, then what will happen to me? So, that fear which is there is tapped. So, our emotions are being used to make us do things.

If somebody wants to wear a sham, put on a sham, that's fine. That's not a problem. But the idea that this will lead to this.

That is an illusion. In fact, this can happen to even extreme degrees. In America on Independence Day, there is every year a parade.

On Broadway, New York. So, in 1929, at that time, there is a special thing happened in the parade. Not special in a good sense.

But at that time, the cigarette industry had reached its saturation. All the young men who had the financial power to smoke had more or less started smoking. So, they were thinking how do we expand our market.

Then one of the marketing executives got a brain wave. He said, actually, we haven't tapped 50% of the market. Why? Because women don't smoke.

So, then how do you get women to smoke? Because the idea is that smoking was seen essentially as a masculine activity. So, what they did was, this was also the time when the suffragette movement was gaining momentum. The idea that women had been exploited for many centuries and now women are getting liberalised.

They are getting liberated. So, they tapped into that. And on this day in Broadway, there were the top Americans marching along as a march of freedom.

And they had some of the most celebrated female icons. Hollywood stars and others. And this tobacco company paid all of them that at the most visible moment, visible position in the march, they all flipped out thin, sleek cigarettes.

Custom made for women. And they started smoking it. And there were cameras and TV.

Everybody started watching it and clicking it. And they were all told, what are you doing? And they lit the cigarette. We are lighting the torches of freedom.

Now, what has smoking a cigarette got to do with freedom? Actually, when people become addicted to smoking, it's very difficult to give it up. Smoking doesn't free, it binds. Normally, if you go by flight, they always make an announcement, you cannot smoke in the flight.

And people get so hooked to smoking that sometimes they go to the restroom and they say, I will smoke over there. And they tell, we have smoking detectors over here also. And if you tamper it, then that's a legal crime.

So, actually, it's not freeing, it's binding. But the way it was marketed, lighting the torches of freedom. So, it was within one year after that, one million women in America started smoking.

Prior to that, it was less than a thousand. But what happened? The emotions were triggered. And at that time, the harmful effects of smoking had not yet come out publicly.

Some medical reports had pointed to some things, but those had been suppressed. And only several years later, the harmful effects of smoking in general, the harmful effects of smoking for women, especially the harmful effects of smoking for women who are pregnant, it affects their child also. All that came out later.

By that time, the whole momentum had been set up and millions had started smoking. So, the point I am making through all this is that there is in today's culture a systematic attempt to manipulate our emotions by which to make us do things, to get us to buy things, to get us to watch things, to get us to do things which seem to be enjoyable, but which end up causing bondage, which end up leading to suffering. So, one of the most popular words is everybody wants freedom.

I want to be free. But we have to understand what is freedom. Just to do whatever we feel like doing, is that freedom? I want to watch any movie, I want to do this, I want to do that.

Whatever I feel like doing, I will do that. And that I define as freedom. But the reality is that our feelings are not always reliable guides for consciousness.

If we keep doing whatever we like, if we keep doing whatever we like, we end up disliking ourselves. If we keep doing whatever we like, we end up disliking ourselves. I'll give three examples of this point.

If I keep doing whatever I like, I will think, I like this, I like this, I like this. But we will end up disliking ourselves. First example, we can start with something as simple as eating.

If whatever comes in my way, I like this, I want to eat this, I want to eat that, I want to eat that, I want to eat that. And if we keep eating, keep eating, keep eating, whatever we like, soon our body will balloon up. And when the body balloons up, we will end up disliking ourselves.

Society today is such that people are caught in a double pincer. Double pincer means, on one side we have images of people who look very fit and thin and attractive. So you should look like this.

But then we have advertisement of foods which are super fatty. So eat this, eat this, eat this and have a figure like this, have a figure like this, have a figure like this. The two are incompatible.

But both desires pull people. And again, I was in America for almost last one year, I have been six months in America. So there I met one American devotee.

So, actually this devotee, this is Mataji, she became a devotee recently. She had a severe eating disorder. And because of that, she would sometimes not eat anything because she wanted to have a thin figure.

This is actually a medical condition, bulimia it is called, people get into. And sometimes she would not eat at all and sometimes she would binge. And it becomes very addictive.

So then, just like there is Alcoholics Anonymous, there is an organisation called Foodaholics Anonymous. So people who are addicted to eating. Now eating is not a bad thing.

But if we keep eating what we like, what happens is, we end up disliking ourselves. To such an extent that people just get, they lose their self-esteem, they lose their self-confidence. And then finally, when she somehow got introduced to devotees, she started chanting Hare Krishna, started practising Bhakti.

Now she is much better. So, she and her family, they all now started practising Bhakti nicely. So the point is that, if I define freedom as, I will eat whatever I want to eat, whenever I want to eat, however I want to eat.

If we keep doing whatever we like, we will end up disliking ourselves. This is not actually freedom. It promises to be freedom, but it leads to bondage.

The second example is that, say, if we are surfing on the net, and I read this news, I watch this sports update, I look at this video, and there are clicks which, whenever we do one thing, if we are watching one video, there are 10 related videos which come up. I watch that, another 10 related come up. There was one boy in Thailand, he, for 71 hours, kept continuously watching YouTube videos.

And he got so hooked, not just YouTube videos in general, he got so hooked to it, that he forgot to eat, forgot to sleep. And finally, he had something like a brain stroke. He fell unconscious.

Fortunately, within a few minutes, his friend came and said, what happened to you? They rushed him to the hospital and he survived. So, it's so addictive, okay, watch this, watch this, watch this, watch this, watch this. So, sometimes students, if they have an exam, and they thought, oh, let me take a little break, let me watch a little YouTube video, I'll relax.

But one leads to second, second leads to third, third leads to fourth, fourth leads to fifth. And then, we are doing what we like. If somebody else tells us, hey, don't watch this, it's your study.

No, I want to watch it. It's my freedom. But if we keep doing what we like, what happens? Maybe two, three, four hours, what did I do? I have to study for my exam.

What a fool I am. So, we start getting angry with ourselves. We end up disliking ourselves.

If we keep doing what we like, we end up disliking ourselves. So, this is with respect to surfing on the internet. The third, this is not so immediately applicable to Indians, but it's becoming like that.

It is in relationships. In the western world, there is no commitment in relationships. People form relationships, they like someone, they start forming that relationship, taking that relationship forward.

As a problem comes up, just go to some other relationship, go to some other relationship, go to some other relationship. And they think this is our freedom, we want to do, it's our body, it's our life, we want to do whatever we want to do. So, they just go from one relationship to another.

And there is what they call as free love. I want to do whatever I want to do with anyone. So, the Harvard Medical School did a study of the students, of the youth, who were a product of this free love generation.

The free love means, just form any relationship with anyone, and take it to any extent, without any kind of commitment. And they found, the whole promise of this free love, what is called as sexual revolution, or free love revolution by some people was that, actually there are so many rules, so many restrictions, that they don't allow you to experience spontaneous love. So, have spontaneous love.

It was promised that it will give you love, it will give you intimacy, it will give you satisfaction. But what they found, they did almost like a 10,000 youth, Harvard Medical School did a study, and they found all these youths, who were into free love, they were at a personal level, extremely lonely, and extremely guilty. Why lonely and guilty? Because, although they had formed relationships with many people, they knew that none of those relationships, were really contacts of the heart, they were just contacts of the body, there for some time, and gets over.

And they knew that others were using them, to satisfy their itches. And they were using others to satisfy their itches. So, they were basically, rather than leading to a development of love, it would lead to the objectification of people.

I start treating others as object, by which I can get some enjoyment of that object. And then when it's over, just go over to someone else. So, they felt lonely, and they felt guilty.

And thus, so those, who okay, I want this relationship, it doesn't work, let me go to second relationship, let me go to third relationship, let me go to fourth relationship, let me go to fifth relationship, just do whatever we like. And what is the result? They ended up disliking themselves. They ended up feeling lonely, feeling guilty.

So, freedom is not just simply doing whatever we feel like doing. Our feelings are important. But our feelings alone are not always reliable.

We have our emotional side, and we have our rational side. We have our intelligence. And freedom means the capacity, freedom is the facility to do that which is best for us.

Not just the freedom to do whatever we like to do. I'll conclude by giving three examples to illustrate this point. That freedom is not just doing whatever we feel like doing.

Freedom is the facility to do that which is best for us. Say, consider a fish. If a fish says, I want to be free.

And what is its freedom? It says, I want to go on land and walk on the land, and roam on the land. Now, the fish is meant to live in water. As soon as it comes on land, it will become miserable.

So, for the fish to be free, it has to first accept the restriction that I am meant to live in water. So, freedom comes not by rejecting all restrictions, but by accepting the right restrictions. If the fish does not accept that right restriction, then what happens? The fish doesn't become free.

The fish kills itself. Similarly, for all of us to function, we all have to, in order to be free, we have to accept the right restrictions. Say, consider even a sport like cricket.

Even sports which is done purely for enjoyment has rules. Imagine if in cricket, no rules were followed. Now, the bowler is bowling, and the bowler wants to get the batsman out.

So, this is the bowling pitch. Instead of bowling the ball from here, the bowler runs right across the pitch, pushes the batsman aside, and knocks his thumb down. Or, the batsman has hit the ball, and the batsman sees the ball has gone up, and the wicket-keeper is coming to catch it.

And the batsman comes and bang! Hits the wicket-keeper with the bat. Pushes the batsman away. So, if even a sport like cricket were just a free-for-all without any rules, there would be no fun over there.

Isn't it? So, the rules of cricket, when they are followed, then cricket becomes enjoyable. How good a batsman someone is. How good a bowler someone is.

So, in no area is rejecting all rule restrictions the way to freedom. If a bowler can do anything, a batsman can do anything, then actually nobody will be free. Because nobody will be able to improve their skills, exhibit their skills.

There will be just a complete chaos. So, freedom is not in rejecting all the restrictions, but in accepting the right restrictions. And, for all of us, at different levels, different restrictions are important.

Whatever promises to free us, quite often ends up binding us. The Bhagavad Gita Krishna says, in the 16th chapter, आशा पाश शतयी पद्धा He says, आशा, desire, is like a paash. It is a shackle.

So, I recently read a book about addiction. I am trying to write about addiction in spirituality. Nowadays, we have rejected slavery.

In the past times, people were so primitive. They would own other people and people would be slaves. Now, most of the world has rejected slavery.

But physical slavery, even if it is not there, there is psychological slavery. Slavery at the level of the mind. And that slavery is addiction.

Millions of people are addicted. So, when I was reading about addiction, a key stage for an addict to become free from addiction is to recognise that I am not free. There was a real life story of an alcoholic.

He started as a youth, went to parties, started drinking, enjoying, and he got hooked to it. And one night, this was in northern part of America, which is extremely cold in winters. So, one night, it was early in the morning, around 2 o'clock, 3 o'clock, he just woke up and he got an urge to drink.

And he was drinking and he went to his fridge and he found there were no drinks over there. So, then he got out and the desire was literally pulling him. So, he ran to his car.

He got into his car and went to the nearby bar. And he wanted a particular drink. And that drink was not there in the bar.

So, then he had to go to another bar which was at the other end of the town. So, he started going. And as he was going along, his car broke down.

And then he came out of his car and the desire was still pulling him. He just ran towards the bar. And then he realised that he had not put on any warm clothes.

The temperature was like minus 7, minus 8. And he just came out of his bed and rushed out. It was freezing. Finally, he came to that bar.

He says, give me this drink. And it was there. So, he got a big bottle.

He took it and he opened it and drank it. He drank a gulp. He said, no, no, no.

He said, I spent so much time, so much effort to get it. I will drink, I will savour this. I will drink this peacefully.

So, he put the lid back and started walking back. In the meanwhile, it started snowing. And as he was walking along, he slipped on the snow.

And he fell down. And as he fell down, he had not put the lid of the bottle properly. So, the whole alcohol fell on him.

Abhishek of alcohol. And he was just lying on the ground, bathing in alcohol. And feeling freezing cold of the snow below, the cold wind above.

He looked up. So, all around there were big buildings. All lights were closed.

Everybody was sleeping. That time it struck him. What am I doing? I could be peacefully in bed, sleeping comfortably.

What am I doing here? Lying on the snow, bathed in alcohol. That time it struck him. I am not free.

I am bound. I am not free. I am bound.

So, what we call as freedom, what is called as enjoyment, eventually leads to bondage. See, nobody starts drinking thinking I will become an alcoholic. But, the nature of habit is that habit catches us in a grip which is too soft to be felt and too hard to be left.

It starts catching us, it is too soft to be felt. We don't even feel it. But, when we try to leave it, it is almost impossible to give it up.

It is too hard to be left. So, what we call as freedom, what society portrays today as freedom, actually leads to bondage. Now, you may say, I am not alcoholic.

Yeah, it is fine. But, there can be lesser forms of addiction also. There is another form of addiction which is called as shopaholism.

Shopaholism means, just keep shopping, shopping, shopping, shopping. Shop till you drop. Just keep shopping.

And, nowadays with internet shopping available, credit cards available, now there are people who just go on mad shopping sprees. And then they go to shop and then they buy 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 15 things. And then somebody asks, why did you buy this? Why did I buy this? I don't know.

So, many houses of people in America, they have basements. So, you have a house above the ground and there are basements. And, most houses, the basements are filled with things which were purchased and never even seen after they were purchased.

Just kept over there. So, this is something which happens because there is so much propaganda. Oh, look at this, buy this, take this.

And then we get carried away. So, we think I am in free to buy it. But, the result of it is that we don't stay free.

We get hooked to one thing, second thing, third thing, fourth thing, fifth thing. And, if you want to understand how people live today, it can be explained in three words. W, W, S. What is it? Everybody goes and works.

Nothing comes free, so we work. Actually, in 1920, there is a British author, social critic, he said that with machines taking up most of the, machine doing so much work for people, the biggest problem 100 years down the line for people will be what to do with their time. All the work will be done by machines.

And, people will have so much time, their only problem will be what to do with the time. Has that happened? No, machines are doing so much work, but still, where is the time? So, what happened? Actually, the nature of the mind is that it just keeps us caught. So, anyway, the point I am making is here, that when people start, when we are working more and more and more and more, so we work, work, work, and then we get tired.

I need a break. So, we come home, and the first W is work, second W is watch. We come and watch TV.

Watch on our phone, watch on our smart TV or whatever. Watch programmes, watch this. I want a break, I need a break.

Now, when we watch programmes, if you see, there might be a one-hour TV serial, and in that one-hour TV serial, to produce that TV serial, whatever amount of money is spent, in between, there might be a 30-second advertisement. That 30-second advertisement, more money is spent to make that than the one-hour TV serial. Why? Because, from their point of view, the advertisement is what really matters.

So, when we watch, we don't just watch and enjoy, we watch and get desires. I want to buy this, I want to get this, I want to get that. So, after we watch, what do we do? Third S is shop.

Shop, buy this, buy this, buy this. And we keep buying it, nothing is free. So, then what do you do? Again, work more.

So, work more, and more, and more. And then we get more tired. And we come back and watch again.

And we watch again, and then we get more desire. And then what do we do? Shop again. So, work, watch, shop.

W, W, S. Worldwide stupidity. So, this is the unfortunate situation. And through it all, people are not satisfied.

So, just doing what we like to do, that is not freedom. Freedom is doing that which is best for us. And to know what is actually best for us, we need our intelligence.

Our intelligence has to be strong. So, when we study the Bhagavad Gita, when we understand Shastra, that is not just for religious activity. Let's go to religious activity, we know that.

But it's more important, this is meant to equip our intelligence to understand what is really important for me and what is not important for me. When we can do this, when our intelligence becomes strong, then we understand, okay, this is important, this is not important. And then we focus on that which is important.

And when we focus on that which is important, then we are able to do meaningful things in our life. We are able to gain fulfilment. And real freedom is in doing that which is best for us.

Because by doing that which is best for us, we will achieve the best things in life. So, freedom requires regulation. Just like a train, when it has to move, it has to move on the rails.

So, when we study scripture and equip our intelligence with that scripture, and then we learn to apply that in our life, then we become truly free. We become free to do that which is truly important for us, that which will bring out our best, by which we can all make valuable contributions in whichever field we select. In 2015, for the first time, I went to America, and I had gone to a university, and I spoke on regulating our mental diet.

So, one American boy came for that programme, and he told me that just before this programme, I was contemplating suicide. So, he had been in a relationship with a girl, and that girl had broken up with him. And she was refusing to meet him also, just sent a text message breaking up.

And he was so shattered that he wanted to commit suicide. But then he saw this programme and he thought, let me go there and see what it is. So, he heard the programme, and he said that, now I understand it is not that I who want to commit suicide, it is my mind which is saying this.

With that emotion of frustration that is making me do this. I told him, this is very important that you understood this. And then, I gave him a, I told him, read the Bhagavad Gita.

I write on the Bhagavad Gita in a small website on Gita Daily, where I write short passages on the Gita every day. I told him, you can read that also. And then every year, when I go once or twice to that university in Columbus, I am meeting him.

So, this year when I went, I met him again. And he told me that he was, so he started practising bhakti, he started accompanying to programmes, and studying the Bhagavad Gita, and he was stable. But this year when he came, and I went there, I met him again, he said, I went through the same situation.

I was in a relationship with someone, and she just again broke up. And he said, as soon as that happened, he says, I just went straight to my room, I closed the door, closed the windows, pulled down all the curtains, and, he is a singer, he likes to play a violin, so he said, picked up his violin, and he said, I just started singing Hare Krishna. Pouring out my heart.

And he said, for seven hours continuously I was singing. I put up, closed my phone, closed my door, just singing, singing, he said. And those seven hours were the most blissful hours of my life.

He said, I could actually feel the presence of Krishna. I could feel something sweet, something sublime, something spiritual with me. It was that very time, which could have been the most devastating time of his life.

That became the most uplifting time of his life. Why? Because he had connected with Krishna. So he had started connecting with Krishna, and at that time, when his great danger came, instead of the previous impulse of considering suicide, now he took spiritual shelter of Krishna.

So Krishna Bhakti is not just a religious activity that we do because others are telling us to do it. It is actually meant to equip us to face life's challenges, as we will meet them during the course of our life. If we have this understanding of Krishna Bhakti, then we will see our Krishna Bhakti practises as strengths that will enable us to better function and better grow through life.

So I'll summarise what I spoke today. I spoke on the topic of making our emotions work for us instead of against us. I started by talking about the story of Ram, Lakshman and Bharat.

How Ram tells Lakshman, emotions are good, but we should choose the emotions that lift us up, that take us toward Dharma, and not the emotions that take us down, away from Dharma. And then I talked about how in today's society, there is systematic propaganda to trigger our lower emotions by which to make us buy things and do things. So in the past, advertisements were about how good things are.

But now most advertisements are about how good things will make us feel. It's all about our emotions. So the emotions, many of the advertisements make no sense intellectually, but they catch people by their feelings.

So whether it is the advertisement of a shampoo or whether it is the advertisement of a shampoo or of a cigarette, which is called as a torch of freedom. The whole idea is that by triggering people's emotions, they are made to do things. So our intelligence is like a small cannon.

And below that, there is a stormy ocean of emotions. That's our mind. So unless our intelligence is strong, our emotions will overpower us.

And especially in youth, and in general in today's culture, freedom is the buzzword. Everybody wants to be free. But what does freedom mean? If we think freedom means doing whatever we feel like doing, the result is we end up, if we do keep doing whatever we feel like doing, what happens? We end up disliking ourselves.

I give you three examples. If I just keep eating whatever I like, we just become obese and then we end up disliking ourselves. If we keep just surfing whatever we feel like surfing, and we end up feeling angry with ourselves, I wasted so much time.

If we just keep developing relationships with anyone and everyone, eventually we end up feeling guilty and lonely. So if we keep doing whatever we like, we end up disliking ourselves. So freedom is not just doing whatever we feel like doing.

Freedom is doing that which is best for us. And freedom does not come by rejecting all restrictions. It comes by accepting the right restrictions.

Just like a fish has to accept that I'll be in water, then only I can be free. In cricket, we have to accept the rules, only then the players are free to perform. Like that in life also, there are rules which protect us so that we can be free.

If we reject anything, freedom means doing whatever the culture tells us, do this and enjoy. Then we don't end up free, we end up bound. I talked about the alcoholic who is bathing in alcohol on a cold night in America.

So in thinking that we will enjoy, we end up bound. So there is not much physical slavery in the world today, but psychological slavery in the form of addiction is widespread. So freedom comes by intelligently choosing what is best for us and then working in that field.

So we develop our intelligence by studying scripture and understanding the philosophy of the Bhagavad Gita. Then we can select what is important for us and put aside that which is not so important. Just like when we are studying on a computer, reading something on a computer, and it pops up, we decide no, this is not important, we put it aside.

We should be able to evaluate. So if we don't evaluate, then it's like a snowball at the top, by the time it comes down at the bottom, it's overpowering. So what starts as simply a perception, it eventually leads to self-destruction.

Perception becomes infatuation, then it leads to irritation, then it leads to obsession, it leads to delusion, it leads to superfaction, it leads to self-destruction. So the way to avoid that is by seeing our spiritual study and spiritual practises as not just religious to-dos, but as self-empowering practises. So I conclude by talking about this boy who becomes suicidal because of a breakup.

But then, he took shelter of the holy name, and that which could have been a most devastating period for him became the most uplifting period. So bhakti is something which can equip us to face life's challenges in today's world and be able to make choices and bring out our best. Thank you very much.

Hare Krishna. Are there any questions or comments? This is with regards to the relationship you talked about. So you told that if we have shallow relationships, we end up having disappointment and loneliness.

If we have really strong relationships also, we end up having disappointment sometimes. We depend on the other person. So if we consciously find the middle ground, we still have, in a cynical point of view, we still have to consciously, we'll be ranking the people accordingly and we'll still be basically in a selfish way, we'll be ranking people, right? Good question.

So if we have shallow relationships, we'll be disappointed, but if we have deep relationships also, again we become dependent on the person, that person doesn't live up to our expectations, then we feel disappointed. But if we try to find in-between, then aren't we selfishly ranking people? It's not selfishly ranking, it's intelligently prioritising. All relationships cannot work at the same level.

People are different, and in each relationship, there can be a different level of proximity. Some relationships work best very close, some relationships work best at a particular distance, some relationships work best at a greater distance. So, it's just we are all individuals, and we cannot get along with everyone.

That doesn't mean we have to be fighting with someone, but it's just that we can't get along with everyone. So we have to find out with whom we can get along. And, say, even if we don't do it consciously, we are going to do it unconsciously.

Say, we have only 24 hours in a day. So if I have say a dozen friends, now which friends am I going to spend time with? When I choose to spend time with one friend, by that I'm saying no to some other friend. So, we just can't avoid making choices.

What we can do is, we can make intelligent choices. Now, it's not selfishness, it is rather intelligent choosing. Because some relationships are just not fulfilling for us or even for the other person.

That doesn't mean we have to just break up the relationship, but it doesn't have to be so close. So, we have to find out in our relationships, which relationships work for us, work for the other person. And then, accordingly, Krishna says, He says, as people surrender unto me, I reward them accordingly.

That principle of reciprocity is there in every relationship. So, in some relationships, we'll come close to others. Some relationships, it will be a cordial relationship, but not a very close relationship.

That's also fine. So, if we try to have casual relationships with everyone, it will be superficial. But if we try to have a close relationship with everyone, that will also not work because we can't do that.

So, some relationships will be casual, some will be close. And that's fine. And which will be casual, which will be close, that we'll have to work out.

So, with respect to close relationship leading to dependence, there is dependence, there is independence and there is interdependence. So, we need to all move towards independence first. So, the Bhagavatam says, ekas tu.

We are all alone in this world. Now, we are born alone, we die alone. And we go to our own particular next destination alone.

This can seem very cruel at one level, but we have to, sooner or later, for emotional maturity, accept that we are existentially alone. That doesn't mean that we have to be lonely, but just we have to begin with that reality, that I am alone. And after accepting that I am alone, then I can decide, okay, I want to form a relationship here, I want to form a relationship there, I want to develop this relationship.

That's fine. So, it is only independent people who can become interdependent. So, we all have to grow and become independent.

And the way to avoid feeling insecure because of the idea that I am alone is by connecting with Krishna. We have a horizontal relationship with others in the world, and we have a vertical relationship with Krishna. So, if our vertical relationship with Krishna is strong, that will give us stability.

And with that stability, we can move forward and develop other relationships. So, Krishna is always there in our hearts. And He is there because He cares.

Krishna loves us. And ultimately all the philosophy that we study, its purpose is one. The purpose is to understand, to gain conviction that Krishna loves us and that we should love Him back.

So, our greatest weakness is not anger or lust or greed or pessimism or whatever else. Our greatest weakness is our unwillingness to believe that Krishna loves us. As we are, even now Krishna loves us.

So, to the extent we connect with Krishna through some devotional activities, we get strength. And that strength will enable us to face the ups and downs in our horizontal relationships. When we are strengthened by our personal relationship with Krishna, then we will have security and stability.

Then, when we form other relationships, those relationships will not be formed out of emotional neediness and they won't lead to unhealthy dependence. Rather, we'll form them as symbiotic relationships and they will help us as well as the other person to grow. Any other questions? Yes.

You are the ever ready Krishna Sagar. Yes. Even in the devotee community also, of course, depends on the level of each of us, the power of external energy does overcome sometimes our relations to get into either very difficult situations or very uncomfortable situations.

Even in devotee community, we do experience these. That's one aspect which I thought you can… So, even in devotee community, sometimes we have difficulties in relationships. Yes.

That is also to be expected. Because we become devotees, but that doesn't mean that our material side is going to be eliminated. So, our material side is still there.

And just as there are lesser or greater degrees of compatibility between people in material life, same is going to apply in spiritual life also. So, what we need to do is we can't presume that just because somebody is a devotee, everything, my relationship with that person is going to be nice. That person has their personality, I have my personality, they have their conditionings, I have my conditionings.

So, Rupa Goswami in the Bhakti Samhita says that we need not just devotee association, satsang, but he says, those who are like-minded or more specifically, those who have the same category of desires as we have. So, even among devotee association, we need to look for and focus on that association which is like-minded. That doesn't mean we reject other association.

But we can't connect so much with everyone. Say, if a particular devotee likes music and kirtan very much, another devotee likes philosophy very much, if the two of them come together, yes, they are both devotees, but they won't have much to discuss. But if two devotees like philosophy or two devotees like music, then they can say, you know, I learnt this tune, you know, I learnt this shloka, I analysed this point.

Oh, they'll have this nice fulfilling exchange. So, we have to find out like-minded devotees. And even if we get one devotee like that, then that will give us nourishment.

And wherever we find like-minded devotee association, we need to invest in that. Sometimes we think, whichever devotees are around me, I'll associate with them. Yes, it's important to associate with them.

It's important to have at least working relationship with everyone. But we can't expect working relationships to be fulfilling. It's not the same thing.

So, whichever devotee relationships are fulfilling, we take time to invest in that. So, when we do that, we will get the nourishment. So, our devotion is our common goal.

And that is a unifying factor. But it is unifying at the spiritual level. You know, we can all come together and hear Krishna Katha, we can all come together and dance and sing Kirtans.

But that doesn't mean that we all can share our hearts with each other. Because everyone's heart is different. Although Krishna is the ultimate goal, the way they are approaching Krishna is based on their particular psychophysical nature, their particular social situation.

So, it'll not be common. So, rather than unrealistically expecting good relationships with all devotees. Often, frustration is a function of expectation.

So, when we expect too much from devotees and then we don't get that, we get frustrated. But rather if you understand that, yes, with all devotees, because they are devotees, I'll have a nice relationship. But if I start expecting too much from those devotees, then that frustration of the expectation will lead to the soaring of the relationships.

Not soaring, S-O-A-R-I, S-O-U-R-I. The relationship becoming sore. So, what we need to do is we have cordial relationship with everyone, but we have to find out with whom we can get along.

And focus on that association. So, Oscar Wilde is a British thinker. He said that some people bring happiness wherever they go.

And some people bring happiness whenever they go. So, in all our lives, in the lives of all of us, there will be some people whose association will test our patience. And sometimes it will be devotees also like that.

Just come in the association. It's like walking in an area filled with landmines. We don't know what action will cause an explosion.

So, just when that person goes, we feel relief. It's not as if that person is bad. Because that same person may be having a relationship with somebody else.

It's just that we understand our nature doesn't work so well. So, what we need is, there will be some people who will be difficult in our devotees' association. So, if we broadly see, there are some people whose association will give us strength.

And there are some people whose association will take our strength. So, we have to intelligently balance in a way that the association that gives us strength is adequate. So that the association that takes away our strength is not excessive.

Sometimes it's required. We may be doing a service together. We may be situated together.

We may have to work with difficult people also. And that can in its own way also help us to grow. To grow in tolerance, grow in understanding, grow in empathy.

But we can't always be doing that. See, we can grow in understanding others, provided somebody is understanding us also. So, we have to have some devotees who understand us.

From that association we get emotional nourishment. And then the difficult relationships also we are able to withstand them. Okay? Thank you.

Thank you Krishna. So, shall we stop here? Shall we stop here? So, thank you very much for your kind attention and participation. On the topic of.