How can we avoid labelling and judging others?

Transcript

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Okay.
So, when the mind goes on the path of least resistance, and labels and judges others, what can we do to avoid that? Yeah, I say three things. First is that if that person has done something, which our mind interprets in a particular way. This in psychology is called an attribution error.
That means, if I see somebody eating a lot, such a glutton, if I don’t like that person, if I have a negative conception of that person, such a glutton, if I like that person, must have been hungry. The action is the same, but the motive that we attribute is different. And that is shaped by our conception of others.
So, usually, if we have a negative conception about others, it’s good to try to see if I had been doing that thing. If I eat a lot, somebody says, you’re eating so, I’m hungry, you know, I didn’t take my meal. You’d explain that.
Usually, when we have to explain our actions, we give a very charitable explanation. So, we have to separate the action from the motivation or the label. Okay, I’m seeing this, this may be an explanation, but there may be some other explanations.
So, if instead of that person, somebody whom I like had been doing the same thing, what would my reaction have been? I would at the very least, given them the benefit of doubt. So, if somebody tells me, you know, this person spoke like this about me. What? They spoke like this about me? I knew this person is a backbiter, do like this only.
But then, if somebody whom we like and know well, they spoke like this, then maybe they really exactly speak that or what was the context or maybe you misheard, maybe we will give them the benefit of doubt and then we will try to clarify. The first step is just replace the person who is doing something objectionable with someone whom we like in that place and then think how we would respond. The second step would be, generally, we like to talk about others rather than with others.
That means B has done something to A and then why B has done that? So, we just go to B and in a respectful but a candid way, we ask them, clarify, but instead A will go and tell B what he did and then C, you know, he did like that and C tells D and D tells E and then somebody E goes and tells B, you know, what A said about you and then the whole thing becomes more complicated. So, we tend to talk about others rather than with others. Now, of course, we cannot go and talk with every single person, but especially if a relationship is important, the person plays an important role in our particular position, situation in life, then it’s best to talk with them, find the appropriate time, but just talk with them.
That way, there can be at least clarification, okay, this is what happened and there might be some misunderstanding which can be resolved or there might also be a possibility that we just understand, you know, this person is going to think this way and I have to learn to live with it. Third is, if it is somehow not possible to talk with them because say the relationship is so too hostile or whatever, then it is good to try to talk with someone whom we trust and who is also connected with them and then, you know, I have this perception of this person, but A has a negative perception of B and B has done something which is reinforcing that perception, but then we know that B and C have a very good relationship. So, we may or may not mention that particular incident, but we just talk with C about B and if they have a good relationship, then C will say this, you know, he helped me in this situation, he did this, he did that, oh really, I didn’t know about all this.
So, earlier when I said that some people bring happiness wherever they go and some people bring happiness wherever they go. Actually, this is not just about those people, it may also be about us. Some person, when they go away, I feel happy, but when that same person goes and meets someone else, they feel happy.
So, it may well be not just a problem with that person, it may be my perception. So, sometimes by talking with the third person, we can get a healthy, a broader picture of that person. Yes, they may have this weakness, but they have these strengths also.
So, generally speaking, prejudice, how does it occur? Prejudice occurs by a broad extrapolation from a narrow observation. So, for example, I may say that a particular people from particular community, they are very stingy. And now, in that community there are millions of people, but I have interacted with one or two, and based on that narrow observation, I make a broad extrapolation.
People in this community are like this. So, generally speaking, the way to counter prejudice is to broaden our observation. But what happens when from that narrow observation, we have made a broad extrapolation, and that broad extrapolation becomes the filter with which we see everything about these people.
So, if you just try to broaden our observation, then we will be, we will get the necessary inputs by which we can we can revise our extrapolation that we have done. So, Shams, your question?