We can’t delete our memories, but we can choose what we remember

Hare Krishna I'm grateful to be here amongst all of you today, and I'll speak today on the topic of The mind specifically on the topic of We can't delete our memories But we can choose what we remember This is based on Bhagavad Gita 6 chapter 5th verse Krishna says So Krishna says elevate yourself with the mind, don't degrade yourself For the mind can be your friend, and it can be your enemy So I was just a couple of months ago. I was in America. I had gone to Silicon Valley and There are many devotees who are working in cutting-edge research initiatives so one particular kind of Program That is being developed is that if you have a computer And if you download that program Once it is downloaded it can never be deleted Normally whenever we download a file, we may read it, watch it, and if I don't want it, I delete it But if there is a program which just can never be deleted The only way to delete that program will be to format your entire system So normally even when we delete a file from our computer Actually the file doesn't get deleted and that is why we can have recovery softwares By which we can still, if somebody is expert enough and they have good enough recovery softwares They can get back those files But that is a big business Where lost data can be recovered so Basically in a computer When data is stored Data is stored at particular places and when we say that the data is deleted All that happens is the reference points where this Data is stored here That is deleted that means say if we had a big library And in that library we lost track of the system of classification and system of location Then we might have a book, but if you have 5,000 books in the library to find a particular book would be very difficult So basically in a computer Normally when we press delete, it doesn't get deleted.

All that happens is the system of classification, the system of identifying the location That is deleted and that's how the data is there. It's only when we overwrite something then the data gets lost But in this case the memory Some programs can be designed in such a way that even if you press delete, they may get deleted from the files that are visible to us in the computer But they would actually get deleted from the computer and not only will they not get deleted They will not even become dysfunctional They will still keep functioning and as functional units, they will keep Tormenting us. They will keep taking up the memory.

They will keep taking up the processor speed and They will be affecting our computer so when I was Talking and I have studied electronic telecommunications Before I was introduced to Palki, so I know a little bit about it. When I was discussing this, the technology of which they are doing this I was thinking that they are trying to make a program like this But the programs like that are already there in our mind In our mind, we have many different memories and our memories don't come with a delete function Whatever Impressions we take in Those impressions Once they are taken in, they are there They never go away. They may just become inaccessible The devotee friend of mine in in England He does hypnotic regression into past life So you can just sit with him and start talking with him and he will slowly hypnotize you and you can remember almost 10, 15, 20, 30 lives Now of course hypnotic regression when it is done What is recollected? How authentic that is? That is something which has to be evaluated.

I have a book on demystifying reincarnation Where I talk about past life memories and in general Spontaneous past life memories are more authentic than hypnotic regression. Hypnotic regression means so hypnotic regression Means that you're sitting with someone and At that time you start telling them. Think about the time when you were 5 years ago.

What were you doing? Think what you were doing when 10 years ago Think what you were doing 15 years ago Think what you're doing when you're a one year old baby Think what you're doing when you're six months Think what you're doing when you're one month Think what you're doing before that Think what you're doing before that and as slowly a trance is induced People start going backward, backward, backward And they suddenly remember I was a so and so person in so and so place and this happened to me and that happened to me So there are people who for example may have great hydrophobia. What is hydrophobia? Ah Fear of water. It's irrational.

It's just feel scared. Normally we need water for drinking We want water for bathing. That they use but anytime they see a water body, a lake, a river, a pond, a ocean They become extremely fearful So then when the hypnotic regression was done to them, they found that in a previous life, they had drowned And that is why that fear was there So now they may not consciously remember the incident of drowning That they remember only when there is a triggering through hypnotic regression But even if they don't remember that particular incident the effect of that incident continues on And that effect is in terms of the fear that they feel So similarly We have many memories Most of our memories are based on The perceptions that we have had so right now say I'm observing you you're observing me But this creates a memory but some memories Are We could say Impressed in our consciousness either because of the emotions involved or because of because of the involvement of the emotions or because of the involvement of the intelligence So what does this mean say suppose? We like something suppose somebody likes cricket then They might have seen some Match ten years ago And just they hear the new home player and immediately that thought comes in their mind Or even when they're watching a cricket match they remember They remember I have a friend He says I find it very difficult to remember people's names Can you give me some tips for remembering people's names? I told him I am also poor in that.

I'm not very good, but then I told him that Actually he's a cricket fan and right now in 1987 The cricket World Cup who were the team members of the team of Australia or the team of India. I can remember all their names So our memory is a function of our interest If something interests us if there are emotional I like this Then that's everything that we see everything that we observe it goes into our inside And it is it forms impression, but some impressions are so faint That they don't register for long They're there for some time and they just disappear not that they're deleted But they go so far into the background that new impressions come in and they just get relegated But some impressions are formed very forcefully and they stay for a long time So to understand, so now what makes impressions stay long as I said one is the emotions If we like something if we are attached to something if we are very interested in something Then whatever perceptions come they stay for long second is intelligence If we understand that something is extremely important Then we make an effort to memorize it So most of us we speak various languages. We speak Hindi, we speak English, we may speak various languages now How many of us remember the times when we learn those languages? Maybe our mother taught us at home maybe our Teachers taught in school Surely we learned at some time or the other So the incident when we learned it has forgotten but the learning remains And it was not that it was very easy to remember some mathematics tables Sometimes they do 2 2's are 4, 2 3's are 6, 2 4's are 8 Goes on and on and on repeated again and again and that's how we memorize so basically The Impressions get stored either based on the mind or the intelligence Normally, we would say that memory is the function of the intelligence You know, so, you know if somebody can remember a lot that means they have very good intelligence No, it's not only that our memories can be emotional memories or they can be You could say rational or intellectual memories so Some people who are very emotional very sensitive Somebody 25 years ago spoke one harsh word to them and they will remember it even now So now in this case their emotional memory is very strong so we all have memory capacity and it is just that all of us have different kinds of memories and What kind of memory we have? Or what kind of memory gets in now? I talk about these two factors Something which is our mind and our emotions are involved or our head our intelligence is involved.

These two cause impressions to be quickly formed and Then once these impressions are formed they stay They don't go away I was in a university in Florida. I gave a series of classes there on overcoming negative emotions so I Got close to some of the students coming regularly So one of the students he told me He grew up in a foster home Foster home means if a child is orphaned then they go to orphanage But if some family adopts them then that that child becomes like a foster child of that family So then I asked him What happened? Did your parents die in an accident or something? He said no, both my parents are alive Your parents are alive then why did you grow up in a foster home? So when I was 5 years old my parents Divorced Actually the word divorce sounds very hard. So they use the word my parents separated Normally my parents separated Separation seems to not involve the very severe emotional trauma that goes with it So he says when they separated it was a very bitter separation And both of them told me that This marriage was the biggest mistake of my life And they told this boy You remind me of the biggest mistake of my life And therefore I don't want anything to do with you So although both parents were alive both parents abandoned the child And then child protection services took up that child and then The child was made a war mistake and he lived in foster homes So I was shocked Sometimes we can just become so so Driven by a particular conception I'm talking about our memories So so when one memory gets impressed very deeply within us Then that memory becomes like a filter through which we see everything else so When when somebody has been as I said earlier somebody had hydrophobia Somebody who's had drowned in a previous life Then as soon as they see water The only thought that comes in I may drown and the fear comes So like that if somebody has a very bitter experience in marriage Then they see everything through that filter alone And this child, then what is the fault of that child? A child is an individual In his own right Krishna says in the Bhagavad-Gita that Making one thing into everything That is knowledge in the mode of ignorance Yet to put snow at a custom in Ghania's at the Mahayana to come Puncture the Thomas of the other thumb in 18.22 He says yet to put snow at a custom in we take one thing Kari a suck them a high to come one becomes attached to that one thing alone without considering anything else But the twat our puncture there is no understanding of the reality no understanding of the big picture puncture very meager knowledge that that Krishna says But Thomas of the other thumb that is knowledge in the mode of ignorance Normally we consider knowledge and ignorance as two opposite things But there can be knowledge which increases our ignorance That means we keep perceiving more and more but the more we perceive the more we just confirm our distorted perception of reality Some people may be biased against a particular community a particular group These people they are very stingy these people.

They are very selfish these people. They are violent these people they are corrupt and Then in that community there may be people of other categories also But We just focus on those You know this person did like this and he was of this category and she did like that. She's from that community and We zero in only on those Information those stimuli those incidents which confirm our bias So we are ignorant of the whole picture and we get knowledge which simply reinforces our misconception That is knowledge in the mode of ignorance So in this case Okay, okay that particular marriage might have a mistake who knows but why see everything through that filter So when certain impressions get very deep-rooted they become the filter through which we see everything and that prevents us from Objectively perceiving reality, so coming to this boy, so he was telling me that Actually Because he had such a terrible experience in his parents both parents abandoning him even when they were alive This is whenever I now he's trying to practice bhakti yoga coming to the bhakti yoga club.

He says whenever I hear that God being compared to a mother or father I Just recoil from that and Normally from a of a mother to father from a word from a Bandish is a car from a from a Vignata venom from a one from a was a woman mama. They were they were Idea Lord, you are my mother. You are my father.

You are my brother. You are my friend You are my wealth. You are my knowledge you oh Lord of Lords.

You are my everything This is a profound prayer where in everything that gives a shelter We see that it is God who's giving a shelter to them Our mother gives a shelter in our childhood is God acting through her and giving a shelter. It is a Father gives a shelter. It is part.

It is God who's acting to the father and giving us shelter So we connect all our shelters as we grow up our learning our wealth But that is also Krishna This is a vision of connection, but some connections may be so distorted for some people That we just see things through a particular filter Now the kind of impressions we have we can't change We just can't change that The impressions are there this boy had traumatic experience with his parents abandoning him He there is no delete button in the brain by which we can delete those memories So all of us may also have our particular scars Just like we have physical scars Suppose we were burnt we were injured and that might leave a scar on our body Just as there can be physical scars, there can also be psychological or emotional scars and they affect us So some scars we do some plastic surgery and they can be removed some scars they can't be removed So for us our inner scars that are there sometimes some people betray us and then we just Just become paranoid not just about that person but about everyone in connection with that person So when this happens people just don't know how to go on with life So that scar has happened. It can't be denied that negative impression that fearful memory that Pain is there We can't believe that my brain doesn't come with a deleted function But the same time that doesn't mean we are powerless Our past Explains our emotions But it does not excuse our actions There's a difference our past Explains our emotions. Why do I feel like this? Yes emotions come and I understand it That this is this is why I'm feeling like this like somebody has hydrophobia They do hypnotic regression.

They may come to know this is what happened to me in the past I drowned and that's why I am feeling This fear. So if you come to know something from the past it can explain our emotions. Why do I feel such fear? But it doesn't necessarily excuse our actions Why why doesn't it excuse our actions Because Even even when our emotions are not in our control our actions are We can't always control our emotions, but we can control our actions a simple way to understand this is that Many times we feel very angry about with somebody Now we may have strong negative thoughts about something and especially the closer the relationship Sometimes the stronger the negative emotion Because then we are very strongly emotionally invested in someone Then if they disappoint us they hurt us then the negative emotion that comes towards them is also really great So in closing on close relationships the opposite of love is not hate In close relationships the opposite of love is apathy Apathy is this neglect don't care have no emotion Sometimes the very same person whom we love very much we end up hating that person And because they're so emotionally involved.

I gave a class in America and Portland and Can we love someone whom we hate? Or can we hate someone whom we love Yeah, it happens like that why? Because the same emotion is we have a lot of expectation from someone and they don't do it seems so angry at that so now Actually speaking our emotions go wild a lot of the time We can't see each other's thoughts We can't see each other's emotions And that is a great blessing If we could start seeing each other's thoughts and emotions Not a single relationship would be possible to sustain You think like this about me How dare you think like this? I'm quitting So not even because in every relationship negative thoughts keep coming So Now why those thought comes sometimes we can come to know sometimes We just can't come to know why the thought is coming some desire has come some desire is gone these things just keep happening so we need to understand this difference that Whatever thoughts desires emotions come within us sometimes they are not in our control but Our actions are in our control Like we might feel very very angry towards someone but We may control ourselves Not express that anger Somebody said no no when I feel angry I shout with one person I met him in Canada, and I was giving a talk on On managing the mind. He says that I have no control over my anger I just shout Yeah, and especially his family had also come to my end They're telling that you know you may just shout you just get so angry short tempered So then he was saying I don't want to get angry, but I have no control over my anger So I told him that where do you work? He said he was working in software so I Told him that when you work in your office Do you get angry with your boss? Yeah, sometimes the boss loads you with a lot of work, sometimes you know other team members don't get that much work I get more work. I get angry.

Do you shout at your boss? No, if I shout at my boss, my boss will fire me. How can I shout at my boss? I said that means your emotions don't control your actions You're feeling the emotion of anger at your office, you're feeling the emotion of anger at your home If you're saying that my anger is not in my control, then how do you control it when you're in my office? Because as they say, it's a matter of bread and butter, it's a matter of livelihood So if something is extremely important for us Then we do control our emotions I may feel angry, but I will somehow control the anger Now we don't want to, sometimes what happens, we control the anger at the office and Then at home we have double anger Whatever anger is at that person and whatever anger is at the boss, both come together and we discharge it on someone We download in someone That's why there are some people Who are actually, even in religious organizations it happens, some people are very very humble in front of their seniors And it's almost like They have a different form in front of their juniors Just blast and dominate and condemn and criticize This person was like this here and what happened over here? So somehow because some people, even humility is a means by which we are meant to approach God But for some people Humility is simply a tool to enter into a power structure There's a power structure, this person is junior, this person is senior, this person is still senior, this person is still senior So if I respect those who are senior, then I also get a position in that power structure So if that is the motive for humility Then actually it is not humility It is a show which some people do and that's why, now we can't exactly deal in the same way with our juniors and our seniors Sometimes our seniors and juniors, we have to give instructions in a mood of service, not in a mood of domination so The point I'm making is that we all Have the capacity to control ourselves In some situations we exercise that capacity, in some situations we don't exercise that capacity Now when I'm saying we can control, I'll talk a little bit more about what control means Control doesn't mean suppression I'll talk about it. Basically, we normally think I have only two ways of dealing with my emotions Either I express them or I repress them But there is a third healthier way to deal with our emotions and that is to process them Don't express, don't repress, but process So I'll talk a little bit more about what processing means a little later But at this point, the point I was making is our past Explains our emotions, but it doesn't excuse our actions because we can choose Now, how do we choose? What can we do when we are supposed to choose? Actually, one of the easiest and most effective way of dealing with negative emotions One of the easiest and most effective ways of dealing with negative emotions is by Redirection Redirection means that Suppose a particular thought is there, a particular desire is there and to the extent we dwell on it, to that extent it will grow Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita in 5.23 शक्नोतिहईवयर्सोड़ुम् प्राक्षरीर्विमोक्षणा कामक्रोधोधभवंवेगम् सयुक्तः ससुखीनरः Krishna says that कामक्रोधोधभवंवेगम् Because of Kaam, sensual desire, and Krodha, anger Certain forces will come within you, urge Urge is related with the word urgency When the urge comes, we feel I have to do it, I have to do it right now So Krishna says कामक्रोधोधभवंवेगम् They will come, and till when they will come, प्राक्षरीर्विमोक्षणात् Till you give up the body, you will have them And not just we may give up the body and go to a new body, still we will have there also, but When we become liberated from the body, विमोक्षणात् So when we give up the body and become liberated from material attachment, that's when these desires will go away Lust and anger will go away But while it is there, Krishna says सोर्हुम् सोर्हुम् means tolerate शक्नोतिहईवयः सोर्हुम् If it is possible for you to tolerate them, then सयुक्तः ससुखीनरः Such a person will be happy Such a person will be well situated सयुक्तः ससुखीनरः So Krishna is also telling the same thing over here You may have certain desires coming up, but you don't have to act on them You can tolerate them And how do we tolerate? First of all, you have to begin by acknowledging that we have the capacity to control, to tolerate, to resist And we can look at situations when we have tolerated And then we can see how I can exercise that capacity here in this particular situation So for that, it is important that we direct our consciousness elsewhere Suppose going back to the computer example Sometimes, certain If you use the… By the way, when I use the computer examples How many of you are familiar or is computer all very difficult for you to understand? How many of you are familiar with computers and computer examples? Thank you For those of you who are not, I will try to explain it So sometimes if you have your computer or you have a phone and then you visit a particular website So if you keep visiting a website again and again that comes as an auto-complete Suppose somebody has visited, say, a particular website Bollywood.com And then, they visit it many times and then they type B As soon as they type B, what happens? Bollywood comes as auto-complete Now, they come for a spiritual program And they hear about the Bhagavad Gita They say, Bhagavad Gita is very interesting, let me find out more And they go on Google and they want to find out Bhagavad Gita And they type B And what happens? As soon as they type B, they want to go to Bhagavad Gita But what comes up is Bollywood So similarly, for us So here, there are two different things Where we want to go and where the computer prompts us to go If somebody wanted to go to Bollywood.com anyway then the computer's prompting and their desire is the same The computer's prompting helps them in going to their desire The computer is not evil The computer is not bad The computer is simply reflecting our past choices And making it easier for us to choose them Similarly, our mind is like that So whatever thoughts, whatever desires Whatever attitudes we have chosen in the past They come as auto-complete options So, somebody is always pessimistic Some people, they find a solution to every problem And some people find a problem with every solution So some people are very pessimistic No matter whatever you tell them This will not work, this will not work, this will not work It's good to be cautious But ultimately, we have to take steps and move forward in life So if somebody has been habitually negative Then again and again, that negativity keeps coming Even in a positive situation, we will think about something again So that's simply the mind's auto-complete command So if we understand that the mind is different from us We are not our mind If we just understand this one point Then we can treat the mind like the computer screen Based on certain factors, some things will come up on that computer screen But just because those things have come up Doesn't mean, just because Bollywood has come as the auto-complete Doesn't mean I have to visit Bollywood If I don't do anything, it will come Bollywood and it will go to Bollywood But if I consciously B-H-A-G-A-V-A-D-G-I-T-A If I type, it will go to Bhanpajgita.com So, we will require more effort To go to a new site Than to an old site Similarly, to cultivate a new habit Whether it's a physical habit or it's a mental habit It requires effort So by the way we have acted in the past Certain memories have been created And those memories are going to be there But we can choose what we remember That means, right now if I meet a person X-Y-Z When I meet that person, I can think Oh, this person did like this to me, this person did like this to me This person did like this to me And I can replay the past And I can feel angry, I can feel hurt, I can feel resentful And I just stay trapped in the past Or, okay This person has done that in the past And I have to be careful I can't trust them because they may hurt me again I just keep a safe distance from them And I will move on with my life So we will see them But if we choose to dwell on them Then our thoughts will become negative Sometimes Because this is the age of Kali The age of quarrels Small conflicts become very big And people just take Even in religious circles Sometimes the conflicts just become so big I was at an interfaith conference in Washington DC And there were representatives from different religions There was a Christian pastor who was telling about how Sometimes, he is very candid He was telling how sometimes some small conflicts can be made into very big So he was telling a joke which he tells He said that once there was a person Who was standing on top of a bridge About to commit suicide And another person came and said Hey, why are you committing suicide? Don't commit suicide He said, why not? Because God loves you Oh, how do you know that? He said, because I am a Christian And I learned in the Bible that God loves you Oh, you are a Christian? I am also a Christian Oh, very good Which Christian are you? I am a protestant Oh, I am also a protestant There are two broad divisions There are Catholics and Protestants I am a protestant Oh, very good Which protestant are you? I am Baptist Oh, I am also Baptist Oh, very good Which Baptist are you? Oh, I am a southern Baptist Oh, I am also southern Baptist Which southern Baptist are you? I am a reformed southern Baptist Oh, you heathen You infidel jump down and drown because I am a orthodox reformed Baptist, orthodox southern Baptist so you know, people can make a small difference and make it very big now when this happens with people in other religious groups, it is easy to laugh at them, but it can happen with us also, my temple, your temple my guru, your guru, my counselor, your counselor, my service your service, my project your project we need to have some scope for doing our services but that doesn't mean we have to see everyone through that filter so when I see someone either, so when this person, this Christian is seeing that Christian either he can see oh there are so many similarities between us or there are these differences between us so we can choose like this similarly, if somebody has hurt us, when they hurt me at that time, because they have hurt me, as soon as I see them I just feel so agitated sometimes if we have had a very strong argument with someone, a bitter quarrel with someone some devotee also sometimes we come to the temple but we are not as conscious of Krishna as we are of that person, is that person here? what is that person doing? and we may be in front of Krishna we are praying to Krishna but the moment we hear that person's voice oh now this person has come so we become so conscious of that person instead of staying conscious of Krishna so basically here, again the point which I am making is we can't choose what memory will be aroused and what will trigger it but we can choose whether we focus on it just like Bollywood.com will come in somebody's computer browser or their phone browser but they can choose to go elsewhere so if at that time when a particular negative memory is triggering a series of thoughts or desires within me, at that time if I want to check it if I want to counter it, what do I do? I'll conclude by talking about two steps for this purpose in general one will be physical, the other will be spiritual there is a body, there is a mind there is a soul so the thoughts which come in the mind they can come from either external physical stimuli or they can come from internal recollection but however they come it's we who choose whether to focus on it or we don't focus on it so at a physical level we can just redirect our thoughts generally as soon as our minds start getting agitated our breathing starts becoming fast the emotions and the prana, prana is the life air the bhavana and the prana are very strongly connected so, if as soon as our thoughts start going in a wrong direction at a physical level if we just start regulating our breath breathe in, breathe out, slow down slow your breath, take a deep breath take a deep breath out just do the deep breathing what happens when we try to do that that itself interrupts the flow of thoughts it's just like say we are seeing someone and we are getting very angry with that person but at that time, suddenly we meet someone else and if we are talking with that person then we forget this person especially if this person is also someone something which is important we are talking with, someone we are interested in then we forget that person so basically what we are trying to do is we are trying to interrupt the mind's train of thoughts as soon as sudden memory is triggered, it starts a train of thoughts, we can interrupt it at a physical level, breathing is simply a metaphor, breathing can itself be one activity, but breathing can represent any activity that we can do at the physical level at the physical level to get off the mental level to be conscious of god of krishna is transcendental to be conscious of the soul is in the mode of goodness to be conscious of the body and things related to the body is often in the mode of passion but to be conscious of only the thoughts in the mind that is often in the mode of ignorance if this person said this, this person said that, this person said that it is in the mode of ignorance so if we just get our thoughts down to physical reality, sometimes when people are just too caught in their thoughts sometimes they sit and chant also but the mind is wandering so what happens get out, get the consciousness down to the physical level do something practical, start doing something sometimes the people feel depressed yes depression is sometimes it can be a clinical disease which requires medication but most often depression is because one is simply thinking about oneself too much oh this happened to me, this didn't work out that didn't work out, get out of yourself, do something practical come to the temple and do some service, serve some prasadam to someone make some garlands talk with someone, start doing something physical, get out of your head so what happens when this memory starts just get out of your head get into the world then that itself saves us and this is not the complete solution this is just the initial solution it's vital and the complete solution is that we don't just come from the mental to the physical rather we rise from the mental to the spiritual so rising from the mental to the spiritual means that we find out some activity in bhakti to which we are attracted to for some people it may be kirtan for some people it may be it may be katha hearing a particular devotee's classes for some people it might just be the deities come to the temple and just behold the deities and just relish their beauty for some people it might just be reciting shlokas just recite the shloka so whatever it is that we are attracted to keep that readily accessible and do that as often as possible and especially do it when the mind starts bringing up some negative memories so we can't delete our memories those memories are there and they will pop up and they will give us certain ideas certain thoughts, certain desires but we can choose whether we focus on it or not we can redirect our focus elsewhere if we direct our focus towards Krishna if we learn to focus on Krishna then Krishna purifies us just like breathing or getting out of your head, doing something practical that won't itself purify us that will just pacify us at that time pacification is also important but purification is even more important what does purification mean? as I said the memories of the past can't be deleted but they can be pushed so much into the background by the formation of new memories that the past memories just become completely irrelevant so Krishna Bhakti helps us to form these positive memories and the more we form positive memories, the past memories whether they be of distresses or they be of desires they will all get their hold on us will decrease till we become freed from them not only will at one time their force on us decrease so that okay the thought comes but it doesn't agitate us just like I'll conclude with this example now that we can't unrealistically expect even when we are practicing Krishna Bhakti that immediately the past memories will go away, they will still be there but their effect on us will decrease, I gave the example of a scar sometimes when a person is scarred if the wound is raw then even a small touch it causes pain even looking at it also that terrible thing happened to me that hurts but if the wound is filled and healed, the scar may remain but the scar won't hurt us it is there, I can't get rid of the scar but it doesn't hurt me anymore so similarly if we expect that the past memories should themselves go away entirely that may not happen the memory may remain but if we have redirected our energy elsewhere if we have found some other attractive object of thought something else worthwhile to contemplate if we have consistently redirected our emotions elsewhere then that memory will come but it won't agitate us its emotional power will be taken away and as its emotional power will be taken away, it will be there but it will not hurt us anymore and thus we can create a new life for ourselves externally our life may be the same our past will remain the same but a brighter future will emerge for us a brighter future will emerge because brighter memories have been created within us fresher, brighter memories and we have consciously chosen the path also of creating better memories and this way as Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita su-sukham kartum avyayam su-sukham we'll experience joy we'll experience the supreme happiness because Krishna gives us these joyful memories and thus we'll move forward positively in our life so I'll summarize I spoke today on the topic of we can't delete our memories but we can choose what we remember I started by talking about how in software now programs are being developed we just can't be deleted even if they become invisible from our computer they don't get deleted so what do we do in such situations that actually like that we also have our own mind where the memories are there they don't get deleted whatever memories are there, they are permanently there and I gave the example of hypnotic regression by which we can know the memories that we don't know consciously so sometimes hypnotic regression can help us to understand why I feel in a particular way why I feel so fearful when I see water for example some of our memories may be from past lives some may be from this life also but whatever memories are there, they do affect us I gave the example of this boy who grew up in foster care despite having both parents just hearing about God being compared to mother and father made him feel negative about it so that's just the way it is so now I talked about how if we give the past memories an excessive hold on us then they become the filter through which we perceive everything it's like these parents they perceive the child not as their child but as a reminder of their mistake so this is knowledge in the mode of ignorance wherein we get knowledge but we get that only that knowledge which confirms our bias which reinforces our bias so the knowledge instead of countering ignorance it deepens our ignorance it worsens our ignorance then to explain how our mind works I gave the example of a computer where a site visited keeps getting prompted like Bollywood they keep coming again and again but if somebody wants to visit Bhagavad Gita they have to put an effort and if they put in, they can visit so like that our mind whatever attitudes, whatever thoughts whatever desires we have cultivated in the past that's what will come as an auto-prompt but we can choose our past explains our emotions but it doesn't excuse our actions we all get angry but we have the capacity to control our anger as we do in front of our bosses so this this difference between what emotions come to me and what actions I do that difference is where our willpower lies primarily and to tap that willpower what do we do? we talk about two things one is physical redirection and second is spiritual redirection physical redirection means just like breathe deeply or if you are just too depressed go out and do something practical physically try to serve someone, help someone get out of the head so having thoughts about Krishna is transcendence having thoughts about our soul is goodness having thoughts about the world being conscious of the world is a mode of passion but being conscious only of the mind is in the mode of ignorance so rising from ignorance to passion is also good just get out of the head and do something practical that can interrupt the thoughts and then more is not just come towards passion but come towards goodness and transcendence try to find out how we can connect with Krishna and the most effective the thing which we are attracted to in Krishna Bhakti if we connect with that consistently then that will help us not only counter the effect of the past negative memories but also create fresh memories and as better and better memories are created our quality of life and the joy of our heart will become more and more thank you very much Hare Krishna so so are there any questions or comments that you would like to ask ok are we capable enough of solving all our problems on our own especially problems that we can't share with anyone yeah it's a challenge generally there are different degrees of problems some problems just like say if I have a small if I fall down and scratch my arm I fall on my shoulder or fall on my elbow and scratch my arm now I know scratches keep happening, they come, they stay, they go I don't have to go to a doctor for that but if I have fractured my arm I fell and fractured my arm to say that this will heal on its own it is a little unrealistic I may have to go to a doctor so first is the magnitude of the problem sometimes it may be that say if somebody has got a boil or some kind of disease on a private part of their body they feel a little embarrassed to tell about that to anyone even to go in front of a doctor but sometimes that's the only way to cure it so we do need at least one person in our life whom whom we can open our heart and whom we can trust now it is for that person also has to be trustworthy and one very important aspect of trustworthiness is being non-judgmental being non-judgmental that sometimes we are afraid people will judge me and they will condemn me and if we can find even one person who will non-judgmentally connect with us not that they accept or appreciate or praise the wrong that we are doing but they learn to see the wrong separate from us it is a stain that is there on us it needs to be dealt with but just because we have done done a bad thing doesn't mean we are bad there is a difference I have done bad and I am bad are two different things so if at present we don't have anyone like that then we should pray to Krishna please give me some association, give me some guidance, it can be a senior it can be equal also so the senior can act as a counselor or a mentor or a guide an equal can act as a accountability partner I met a devotee in Denver Denver in Colorado so there he goes to alcoholic anonymous talks and there they said that actually these alcoholics were trying to recover they can recover much better by associating with other alcoholics who are in the path of recovery those who have never been alcoholics they just don't understand the struggle similarly his point was that other ex-alcoholics they can help much better than somebody who is a lifelong teetotaler so sometimes we may look for a very senior devotee like a spiritual master or some very senior devotee whom I can open my heart to but sometimes they may just not be available sometimes they may be at such a high level that we may not be able to connect this aspect of their heart so we should be open where we may get that friendship sometimes it might be some friend at our equal level of course again this has to be careful not that what are you doing is fine this problem is no big problem just continue there should be understanding in a way that lifts us up so if we don't have that kind of confidant with whom we can share our confidences it's called a confidant if we don't have we can pray to Krishna to give us something like that in general if something is a persistent and serious problem it is difficult to deal with it on our own of course we can pray to Krishna and we can hear shastra especially hear that part of scripture which deals with those issues and try to come up with measures to deal with it we may be able to but it is difficult because what happens the same mind which often makes us do wrong things that is the mind which always stays with us and then right now I may resolve I'll never do this again but after one day after one week the mind says come on do it and then if there is no one external to whom we can turn when the mind is telling do this do this do this if we can have someone who can act as the voice of sanity when the mind speaks the voice of insanity at that time we need someone who will speak the voice of sanity so if we have someone like that it is a great blessing so if you don't have you can pray for that and then we can try opening a small opening our heart a little bit suppose say suppose somebody is staying alone say a woman is alone at their house and then some unfamiliar person knocks, first they'll look for the people then they'll open maybe our door with a latch and then they'll see how familiar, how trustful the person is and then they'll allow that person so like that also our heart is like that we can't just bare our heart to anyone and everyone just share a small confidence and then see how we open a little bit look to the people, open the door and if that person is understanding then we can bond with them then we can share more and more any other Matajis have questions? do we have another mic? after that we'll go there if the desire to redirect doesn't come what do we do at that time? yes I think there are three broad things first is if we have in the association of people with whom we can't misdirect if say for example if we are associated with devotees who are gentle, kind then or they're cultured then if any wrong desire comes we will not act on it if we are with materialistic people or if we are alone then we might just do it sometimes just keeping ourselves in association keeps us on the right track so actually even if that desire to do the right thing doesn't come because of some higher intelligence it can come because of association and I don't want to look bad in this association I don't want people to think that I'm a terrible person that is not the best motive but that is also at our level whatever way works just use that so trying to stay in association especially during our vulnerable moments now in general if we have those negativity, negative memories negative thoughts that come it's not that they come entirely unexpected sometimes they come unexpectedly but sometimes if we are a little self-observant we can understand the patterns now okay I tend to get angry so one thing, this went wrong I tolerated it, this I tolerated it this I tolerated it but 10 things have gone wrong now now if 11 things are going to go wrong I'm going to exceed it so at that time we have also learned this is my capacity is getting exceeded so then conscientiously avoid situations which will actually destroy try to go into some association to pacify us so just trying to be in that helps a lot trying to be in an association that is protective now you may say I don't even get that desire for that then try to have a situation such a way that most of the time we are in good association so when that desire comes also be in that good association so association is one thing second is intelligence intelligence means that we need to note down conscientiously why I should do this or why I should not do this to the extent to the extent we note it down when we are calm, when we are in the mode of goodness at that time we use our intelligence to note down these are the reasons why I should do this these are the reasons why I should not do the opposite of this and then keep that constantly with us keep that may be some verses from the scripture or some logical philosophical points whatever, may be keep that in a notepad in your physical notepad or a digital notepad in a phone or whatever and just read that just read that that way the intelligence can help and third is that we can basically start with something that means that even if I do the wrong ok as soon as I realize I am doing wrong, stop it sometime the mind says now you resolved that you will become angry but you will not become angry now when you become angry now you become fully angry now you have fallen down, now fall down fully no there is no need for that as soon as we realize, stop so we don't have to necessarily think of success in terms of digital logic if I stick to my resolution I am successful, that's one if I fail in my resolution it's zero no, sometimes I may fail in my resolution but even my failure sometimes that negative was for 5 hours now it's for 5 minutes so as soon as we realize, do course correction so this redefining success is very important often in spiritual life we think of success in terms of a destination or a standard, this is what I am supposed to do this is what I am not supposed to do but it doesn't have to be like that I can't be there, but that doesn't mean I have to go here, I can be somewhere in between even if I have gone here, I don't have to go further down so one of my friends was a body builder and then he got a fracture so he couldn't even lift his hand he used to lift huge weights, couldn't even lift his hand and then when he was recovering the physiotherapist came to him I told him, now you have to do exercise you have to start your exercise what exercise? I can't even lift my hand what weights can I lift? he said no, he was lying after the fracture ok, can you lift your little finger he said yes ok lift this finger like this morning 10 times afternoon 10 times evening 10 times that is your exercise exercise? he said, I would go for hours in the gym and do it, this is not exercise this is your exercise and he started doing that and by then gradually what happened then he said, ok now lift all your 4 fingers then he started lifting 5 fingers he started lifting the wrist then the forearm and then the forearm, and then he recovered so recovery recovery has to be gradual and from the normal level lifting up a finger, what is the big deal but from his level lifting up a finger also is a big deal so we can just take micro steps and even if we are able to take those micro steps see the taking of those micro steps as a success suppose I decide I am never going to do that in my entire life and then we stay in control for 30 days and on 31st day we have a relax all that 30 days were in vain 30 days were not in vain 30 days we stuck to the standard, that is a success 31st day, doesn't matter we all learn by growing and part of growing is failing so don't worry too much about redefine success not just in terms of sticking to a particular standard permanently but just resisting the negative or correcting the negative as soon as we realise it so we have to be the word I use for this is learn to be kind to yourself just be kind to yourself sometimes small steps are success you don't necessarily have to think that because I couldn't take the big step, it was a failure yes I would have really relaxed when I met him I got an opportunity and I feel I failed it and I was able to relax after I failed it let's take one question at a time let me answer this then we go to next one so sometimes if we keep tolerating tolerating but then when we went out that's when we feel much better so is tolerating something like an artificial facade that we are putting on ourselves and our nature is not to tolerate but to retaliate and actually I was going to address but I didn't get the time to address that I was thinking about how there is express, repress and process so we all need to process our emotions if somebody has done something that has hurt me I will tolerate it but tolerating does not mean that the hurt is not there or the hurt will not hurt it will hurt it is now now what will hurt whom how much that will vary from person to person some people they might just okay this happened just live with it, it doesn't matter so when I was in Phoenix I was going from one place to another at that time some devotees had given some prasad so I was eating that prasad and in that prasad there happened to be like a date seed so everything else was soft and when I chewed on that date seed suddenly it like my tooth popped out my tooth popped out and at first actually I felt no pain tooth popped out I said what is this and then when I realized it was a tooth I felt a little alarmed and then I put my hand I saw blood was coming out all the blood was coming out, the tooth had broken, there was no pain then I went to a doctor and normally when we travel abroad we always take some health insurance but any medical thing in the west is extremely expensive and then the doctor I talked with the doctor said that this needs to be treated but he said we will have to replace the tooth itself and replacing that tooth was like phenomenal cost they say in America health care is health scare people get scared so then I called up a devotee doctor in India and I sent him a photo of what I had done and then he said that actually it's not a very serious thing especially if you are not feeling pain if you are feeling pain then you will have to deal with it come to India I will deal with it after so I managed to hold it for about 15-20 days and I came back to India now the point I was making here is that since that when our tooth breaks even the dentist told me that when we give pain medication we often tell the patient take this pain medication if you feel pain and some people have a higher threshold to pain some people have lesser threshold to pain and this may not have anything to do with spirituality devotees may have a very low threshold of pain and some non devotees may have a high threshold of pain that's just a part of the body so similarly all of us may have different emotional thresholds of pain so sometimes somebody does something and okay just move on in life some people just can't move on so there is no absolute one standard for this now we have to find out how we can keep doing the things that are important for us so for doing the things that are important for us sometimes we may just forget it just like whatever happened it already didn't move on sometimes we may have a need to express ourselves and only when we express ourselves that person or somebody else and we express our hurt that's when we feel relief so I wouldn't use the word retaliate for that it might retaliation generally is unhealthy but also suppression is also unhealthy we have to process and then we have to express then we have to deal with it properly so that will probably mean that when we are hurt, when we are angry not at that very moment express it but think a little bit pray to Krishna and then find an appropriate forum where we do express our concerns now our feelings are real for us and if they are hurting us they are hurting us so we can't say don't feel hurt it's not a choice for me it's there it just says physical is real, the psychological is also real so if somebody I have pain in my teeth don't feel pain what do you mean don't feel pain it's not a choice, I am feeling pain so similarly, emotional hurts are also like that but the fact is that we can choose whether sometimes we just direct our focus elsewhere and the pain goes away sometimes we direct our focus elsewhere but it's too much effort it just stays there and continues hurting us so each of us has to find a healthy way to process our emotions and then to deal with them some of us may need more of a venting some of us may need to deal with it ourselves by letting the things cool down so this is this is life is a journey of self discovery self discovery doesn't just mean discovering our soul it also means discovering our body and mind so then this is what I need to do to live with myself this is what I need to do to function properly so I understand that when I find a proper way to do that so it's not a, if we are tolerating it is not, that is not putting on a facade if we are expressing, that is not necessarily always the best thing to do we have to find out individually how we can best deal with our situations and there is also the magnitude now tolerance is not the only way to deal with problems so broadly I said there are three alternatives, tolerate mitigate or immigrate tolerate means okay, what is happening, suppose some place is very cold if it's very cold but I have got my family there, I have got my job there then I have to learn to live with that cold, tolerate it but if I can't tolerate, then I have to arrange for warm clothes, I have to arrange for good heating in my house, in my car whatever, if I can't if still I can't manage, then I have to relocate I have to immigrate, go somewhere else the Pandavas did all these things at different times initially when Bhima was poisoned, when they were attempted to be burned alive, they tolerated it they didn't complain to anyone this is a problem in the house, just keep it in the house but when Draupadi was dishonored well, even after they were going through the exile the Kauravas remained arrogant and not at all seeking any conciliation non-reconciliatory, then they mitigated they fought a war the same Krishna who tells Arjuna to tolerate that same Krishna is also rise and fight without lethargy so mitigation may also be required at times and sometimes, just immigrate I have many better things to do in my life but I am not going to get involved in this just move on, eventually when Krishna departed from the world, at that time the Pandavas also left they could have said, now also the Akali is coming and we have to administer, we have to protect such and such, no life is like a relay race you know, we run the race up to a particular point and hand over the torch to someone else they hand it over to Parikshit and move on so similarly, we have to choose which approach works best for us to tolerate, to mitigate or to immigrate suppose we are in a crowded local say local with 50 people capacity but 250 people are squashed in and some people just like to boss around so we are standing and that person starts pushing us and then you think you are so strong I will push you back they push us and we push them back and they push us and we push them back and we get so caught in pushing each other that our station comes and goes and still we are pushing that is stupid isn't it? ok if you want to show your strength, fine, I will just move somewhere else and just there for half an hour, one hour it's tolerated, it's a small issue but, if that same person starts pushing us out of the train itself then we can't tolerate, isn't it? then we have to take a stand then we have to push back or do something so, how do we decide when to tolerate and when not to tolerate? it is in the light of our purpose my purpose is to get to the destination and for getting to the destination what is the best way? sometimes tolerating is the best way just avoid confrontation sometimes I won't be able to get to the destination itself if I keep tolerating so, similarly we live in a family we have our spiritual life, we want to grow towards Krishna sometimes some things may agitate us so much that we just can't do anything we are feeling so troubled we chant Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna why did he do that? how could she have spoken that? why did this happen? that's all we are thinking internally we are not moving towards Krishna that thing is pushing us out of the train but, sometimes it's a small thing so, basically when to tolerate, when to mitigate and when to immigrate that will be determined based on how that is affecting our bigger purpose in life so, if we keep that bigger purpose in mind then we will be able to figure out the best way so, intelligence means, Prabhupada writes in the 10th chapter 4 and 5 per 4 intelligence means to see things in their proper perspective to see things in their proper perspective means to understand what is small and to keep it small and to understand what is big and to focus on that so, tolerance means to keep small things small so that we can focus on the big things but if something is interrupting our focus on the big things itself then we can't tolerate we have to take a stand over that does it answer your question? thank you do we have time? we have time, ok yes you can speak, I will repeat the question as lord says in 15th chapter howsoever it is coming it is because it has been arranged by the lord so because external situation is also arranged by the lord and internally also I have not voluntarily done something to pop up a particular thought so, it is the lord only responsible for negative or positive thought ok, good question so, Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita that from me comes remembrance, knowledge and forgetfulness so, if some thoughts are coming up, popping up within us whether because of external situation or internal recollection then isn't it that Krishna is giving us those thoughts yes everything that pops up is is not what Krishna wants us to do what do I mean by this I was in Melbourne so, one devotee asked a question you know, if God wants us to do the right thing then why are the wrong options so many and the right options so few isn't it and the wrong option seems so easy also the right option seems so difficult so, I answered that is how it always is in any multiple choice exam in any multiple choice exam there will be four wrong options and one right option now, the student can say to the teacher you know, you gave four wrong options that's why I chose the wrong option and that's why if I have failed you are responsible for my failure now the teacher has also given the knowledge about what the right option is and choosing the right option then is the teacher's responsibility so all the options come from the teacher only but that doesn't mean the teacher wants us to choose all the options the teacher wants us to use our intelligence to choose the right option similarly, yes, we can say the external situation is coming from Krishna the internal recollection is also coming from Krishna but that doesn't mean Krishna wants us to dwell on it Krishna wants us to use our intelligence to process so that is where our buddhi comes into the picture so we could say, another way of putting it is everything may come from God but everything doesn't take us to God everything may come from God but everything doesn't take us to God we have to use our intelligence to select those things that take us towards God some people say, there is a Christian who has written a book who says, that book is titled the taste of wine is the proof that God loves us oh wine is so delicious oh God has provided this wine, God must love us so much ok the taste of wine yeah, for those who are habituated wine may taste good but we have to think, after drinking wine do we become more God conscious no, wine is a gift from God why should we not take it we are taking the gift from God well, if you want to think of that as a gift of God poison is also a gift of God isn't it, poison also grows naturally why don't you take poison in that so everything comes from God yes, apples come from God grains come from God even sugarcane which leads to alcohol also comes from God drugs can also LSD and others can also you can have farms where drugs grow they all come from God but are they taking us towards God that's what we have to see ok.