Don’t take others’ actions personally – they are dealing more with their mind than with you
Hare Krishna. So, today morning we are discussing Srimad Bhagavatam Canto 4 the chapter of the incident of Sati eventually doing self-immolation. So, the background to this is being described that there was a festival at the house of Daksha and Daksha invited everyone and people from everyone were going to that Yajna.
But he did not invite Shiva and Sati. So, Shiva told Sati that we should not go because you have not been invited. But at the same time Sati felt that there is no need for invitation.
It's my own house. So, when Shiva told her not to go she insisted on going and she is going quickly before Shiva can stop her. And when she is going at that time her associates of Lord Shiva Trinetra Anuchara Lord Shiva is called a three-eyed person.
Anuchara is his followers. So, they are going with the goddess to protect, Sati to protect her. So, in this section we see the multiple conceptions which people bring into the same situation.
Now, all of us we may see the same situation but we see it differently based on what conceptions we have. It's said that we don't see things as they are we see things as we are. So, in this situation for Sati she felt it was her own house.
Why does she need an invitation to go there? Anyway, she also wanted to see her family members and she felt let me go there as soon as possible. But, if we consider the three main characters in this incident, there is Shiva, there is Sati and there is Dakshina. And, normally, when a marriage happens between two people, at least in traditional societies, the girl moves from one family to another family.
Usually both families in the traditional setting were having, it was an extended family. So, Dakshina, his wife was there, his other children were there, Sati's sisters were there. Sati had moved to Shiva.
Now, Shiva, he is something like a recluse. Although he is a supreme being, he has many associates of his who are there with him, but he doesn't live in royal grandeur. So, he is not a person who likes to, you could say in today's world, socialise.
So, he would live alone. And, naturally, Sati felt there is not much socialisation, there is not much festivity over here. So, she felt that, I need to have something, something to celebrate.
So, there are multiple factors. She was away from her home, she wanted to go to her home, she wanted some celebration, and she also felt that it's a celebration at her home. So, both her needs were being served over there.
So, normally, in the Bhagavatam, whenever a particular pastime is described, it serves a particular purpose. If you see, in this particular pastime, Lord Vishnu does not directly appear anywhere. In the pastime of Shiva, Daksha, Sati, Brahma comes, and associates of Shiva also come.
So, the Bhagavatam through this pastime is describing how small issues, small misunderstandings, if they are not addressed, can lead to huge conflicts. And those conflicts can become, can cause devastation. So, in a sense, when we are trying to fix the mind on Krishna, there are two aspects to fixing the mind on Krishna.
One is, we want to hear about Krishna so that we feel inspired to focus on Him. But at the same time, we also want to know about the futility of getting distracted. So, both ways, if you understand, okay, there's nothing really worthwhile to get attracted to in this world, then we can focus the mind on Krishna.
In general, the mind always looks for some path of, we could say, least resistance. The path of least resistance, whatever we have to do, we'll try to look for some way to avoid doing something which will require any hard work. So, when we are in a difficult situation, trying to rectify that difficult situation requires work, requires application of thought, application of our own body-mind, our own being.
On the other hand, feeling that we have been wronged, feeling that we have been victimised, feeling that we have been treated unjustly, that is a common feeling which all of us have at some time or other. And, wallowing in self-pity is actually much easier than doing something to rectify the situation. So, often the mind may go in that direction, wherein it may feel, why is this happening to me? Life is so bad, people treat me so badly.
So, sometimes in our relationships, we feel as if somebody is treating us like a doormat, just brushing, a doormat, using us, abusing us, exploiting us and not giving us any respect. And, we may just feel so angry and suddenly that doormat changes into a battering ram, attacking the other person and just becomes aggressive, violent. So, it's said that in our relationships, we shouldn't be passive, we shouldn't be aggressive, we should be assertive.
So, being passive is in the mode of letting others do whatever they want to do. Being aggressive is in the mode of passion. You did this, I'll do this, I'll show you what I can do.
But, assertive means that we understand I have a purpose in my life and I have to do what it takes to fulfil that purpose. So, if that purpose requires me to take a stand over here, I will take a stand. So, aggressive means that we are simply focused, you did this to me, I'll do this for you.
But, assertive means, okay, you did this but this is what I want to do. And, if you are coming in the way, I'm not going to let you come in the way. So, assertive is more purpose-centred or principle-centred.
This is the purpose I want to fulfil, these are the principles according to which I live. And, aggressive is simply retaliation-centred. And, you could say being passive is victimisation-centred.
I just let myself become a victim. So, now, Parikshit Maharaj himself has been grievously wronged. For a minor indiscretion, he has been cursed to die in seven days.
There is always a chance in the mind that when something bad happens to us, we may feel sorry for ourselves. And, that how is it going to help us deal with the actual situation? It doesn't help in any way. So, that we somehow have to get rid of that feeling sorry for ourselves, so that we can move on in life.
Deal with the reality as it is now. So, the Bhagavatam here is depicting how small misunderstandings can escalate into big conflicts. That this is just a fact of human life.
So, in this way, by telling this past time, at one level, Shukadeva Goswami is reinforcing Parikshit Maharaj's conviction. It's good you didn't try to retaliate. When you were cursed by Shringi, that getting misunderstood, being cursed, this is just a part of life.
One devotee at one place was giving a seminar on overcoming the mountain, on scaling the mountain of misunderstanding. So, he gave a class and the devotee spiritual master was there. What topic are you speaking on? Scaling the mountain of misunderstanding.
He said, if you scale the mountain, you will find soon another mountain appears. The nature of the world is that misunderstandings will keep occurring. So, we try to scale the misunderstanding, another misunderstanding comes, another comes, another comes.
So, that happens because we are all finite beings. As I said, we look at the world from different perspectives. So, we look at things from this way, somebody else looks from another way and naturally the different ways of looking things cause some conflict.
The conflict can be amicably resolved or sometimes they can be escalated. So, here the principle is that Parikshit Maharaj is being told, what has happened has happened. Throughout history this happens that people misunderstand each other and small misunderstandings can lead to major confrontations.
So, just avoid that. And this also illustrates at one level, Bhagavatam's whole thread is of contrasting aparadharma with paradharma. Aparadharma is material religiosity, where one does dharma, artha, kama.
And moksha is actually a long way off. People are simply interested in dharma, artha, kama. So, that material religiosity, how it is ultimately futile, that is described in the Bhagavatam through various pastimes that punya is not bad, but it is not good enough.
Piety is not adequate. And even those who are pious, how they can also do piety for various ulterior motives. So, Daksha was being pious just so that it would be prestigious for him.
That's why for him, when he entered into the assembly and Shiva did not offer his respects to him, he felt insulted. Now, it's true that Daksha was a respectable person, but Shiva is respectable in his own right. He could have just brushed off that incident.
If we come to a particular place and people greet us and somebody doesn't greet us. Actually, it's our own place. It's our house.
Then others don't have to greet us. We have to go and greet them. We are the hosts over there.
Of course, if somebody is very famous and respectable, others may come forward also and greet them. Others may sort of clamour for the attention of a celebrity. They are at the celebrity's place.
But it was not a major incident. Now, what is considered small and what is considered big by different people varies depending on what is their purpose. Sometimes, somebody comes to a… I was at a temple recently and there is a devotee who after… the devotees, they just started having Bhagavatam classes on a regular basis and there is one senior devotee who attended the Bhagavatam class and every day after the Bhagavatam class, at the end, he would point out faults in what the speaker had spoken.
Now, he was senior. All the others were junior. So, naturally, he felt that he had to do that.
He felt that, you know, he was… they were making some mistakes and he had to correct them. But sometimes, what happened is that he started thinking of it as a service but others were feeling it as a burden. Yes, there are times when some things have to be corrected.
There are times when some things have to be overlooked. There is no need to do that. So, eventually, they were coming for the Bhagavatam class but nobody was actually thinking of Krishna.
The person who was giving the class was always nervous, you know, what fault is this devotee going to find in my class? And that devotee also, throughout the class was looking, what fault can I find in the class? So, sometimes, our mind becomes so distracted that we may be practising Bhakti but while practising Bhakti, while practising Bhakti, we don't miss anything except Krishna. We practise Bhakti to focus on Krishna but the mind may make sure that we don't miss anything except Krishna. So, I may come to a temple and I may see this person's tilak is not right.
This person is not offering obeisances properly. This person is not chanting the mantra right. This person is not doing this right.
This person is not doing that right. If we are in an authoritative position, sometimes we may have to maintain certain standards and we may have to tell that but when we have that mentality of finding faults, sometimes it may be a duty to look at faults but doing, looking faults and correcting faults as a duty is different from having fault finding as a mentality and one can switch into other very easily. One of my services is editing and while editing, many devotees send me their articles either Back to Godhead or other magazines, other publications, devotees are writing books also.
So, at that time when I am reading them, reading them to see whether this fits together, this makes sense and then when I am reading it that way, it's a critical attitude which is required for serving but when I am studying Shastra for my own nourishment, if I bring that critical attitude over there, then that will become unhealthy. There, I am studying family for service and spiritual nourishment. So, we need to fault finding may be a duty which we have to do but we have to be very cautious that it doesn't become a mentality.
So, if that is the mentality, then even when we come to Krishna, we will not see Krishna. We will just see other things. Similarly, Daksha, he was performing the Yajna but the performance of the Yajna, the purpose was not to appease the Devatas.
It was not to satisfy higher beings. It was to satisfy and gratify his own ego and that's why anyone who didn't pamper his ego, he became infuriated. He cursed Shiva that you are an uncultured person.
Well, uncultured is a very strong word to use. Shiva just didn't offer respects. Why call him uncultured? But because he was doing that for prestige itself.
So, not being offered prestige became unbearable for him. If we come to the temple, we have, there is a programme where there is Prasad. Sometimes the Prasad may not be, some item may not be cooked so nicely.
Sometimes it's cooked very nicely. If your main purpose is coming for the Satsang, coming for the Darshan, then Prasad is the additional thing. If you get it, it's good.
If it's not good, okay, we still take it as Prasad. But somebody comes only for the Prasad and then Prasad is bad. They just get wild because of that.
So, what happens? Our purpose determines the magnitude of our reactions to particular events. So, the events themselves may be small, but based on how important they are for us in our conception, they become very big for us. So, for Daksha, not being respected was a very big thing because he felt that I am doing all this for my prestige.
So, now Satti, when she was going to the ceremony, she was going not so much from prestige considerations. She was just going for the sake of community. She wanted to be with her loved ones.
And her conception in going there was very different. Daksha had not sent an invitation to Shiva and Satti because he felt that Shiva had disrespected him and so he thought that again if he comes, again if he doesn't disrespect me, he disrespects me again. His purpose was not being fulfilled.
His purpose was not being served. So, he snubbed them by not inviting them. He thought that this is the way you disrespected me, I will disrespect you.
So, sometimes being invited to certain programmes, certain events, that is considered a matter of social prestige. I am considered important enough to be invited for this. So, if not invited, that means that person is snubbed.
So, he was doing like this. Now, at one level, Daksha had his whole issue of prestige going on in his mind. I have to get prestige.
But Satti, she was concerned with the relationship with the community. She was seeing this not so much as a prestige event, event for promoting prestige, she was seeing that as an event for socialising. When we different people, they come to spiritual organisation also for different reasons.
Not everybody comes to spiritual organisation for a spiritual purpose. One of the main reasons which the Pure Religious Foundation it's a survey in America which looks at why people take to join some organisation. One of the main reasons is people want a sense of community.
People want a sense of belonging to something bigger than their own immediate social units. Nowadays, people don't even have families because society is so fragmented. So, they want a sense of community.
And when they want a sense of community, if somebody rejects, somebody neglects them, not in a disrespecting sense, but just neglects them. Now, we come to our temple and say, if nobody even greets us, everybody is busy in doing what they are doing. What am I coming to the temple for? Nobody even notices me.
At a human level, we expect somebody should greet us, somebody should just ask us how we are doing. So, people want that sense of community. And to the extent that is provided, to that extent, people keep coming.
Now, somebody who is more philosophically orientated, that person will say, this is an opportunity you have got for many lifetimes to connect with Krishna, to attain Krishna, to end your material existence. Just getting a community, that's so trivial. Some people may stop coming to Krishna just because they don't get the sense of community.
So, for them, the spirituality is not their driving mode. It's a spiritual community, no doubt. They will do some spiritual activities.
But the spirituality is not the primary purpose why they are doing something. They are coming to the spiritual organisation because they want a sense of community. And that is why, sometimes we may see some organisations, their philosophy makes no sense at all.
And still people go in hundreds and thousands and ask people stupidly, why are they going there? We may laugh at the philosophy, but why do people go there? Because we are looking at them from the wrong lens. It is not the philosophy that is making them go there. If it is the philosophy that is making us go to a particular organisation where there is no philosophy, then why are they going? But they are going there for some other purpose.
They are going there maybe for a sense of community. And many people, even with zero philosophy, they may actually have a great sense of community. They care for each other, connect with each other, and people feel, I want to go there.
So, the talk is just one, the sermon, the talk, whatever, that's just one part of the whole thing. And they may just, okay, that talk is there, it's good, whatever it is, but what happens before the talk and after the talk, that's the real thing. I go for that.
So, now, Sati was going there for the sake of community, for the sake of being with her family. And she naturally felt a sense of belonging, because it was her own home. It was her own home.
So, this was her perspective, and that's why when she was not even respected, she was not even greeted over there, she felt it unbearable. She's a daughter in that same family. That's where she has lived for years and decades.
And she's coming there, and nobody even, her father didn't greet her. Her mother and sisters greeted her. They're very happy to see her, but in this case, the tension was with her father, and her father neglected her.
And she found it unbearable. So, she felt rejected. She felt wounded.
Now, Lord Shiva is coming from a different perspective. Lord Shiva is in general, not a person who is a recluse. He's not interested in socialising.
But, because it was a sacrifice where all the gods were invoked, so he also went there. But when Daksha cursed him and said that henceforth, you will not get any share in the sacrifice. So, Shiva saw this as good riddance.
He said, anyway, I don't want to be a part of this. So, he just left. Now, Shiva understood that Daksha was averse to him.
And it is said that if somebody, it's said that a devotee deals with different people differently. A devotee worships the Lord. A devotee worships the Lord, befriends the devotees, is compassionate to the innocent and keeps a distance from the envious.
Now, why keep a distance from the envious? Why not be compassionate to the envious? Actually, the way to be compassionate to the envious is by keeping a distance from them. Because if they have envy, then the more they hear about Krishna, even they are reminded about Krishna, they will start offending Krishna. So, a devotee is always benevolent towards everyone, but the way of expressing benevolence varies.
Just keep a distance from them. Pray for them from a distance. Krishna at the end of the Bhagavad Gita also says that don't speak this knowledge to the envious.
So, he gives a list of different kinds of people whom you should not give this knowledge. And he rhetorically asserts, certainly don't give it to the envious, as a last word. Why? Because his whole knowledge is centred in the glory of Krishna.
If it is heard by the envious, their envy will increase more and more. So, Shiva realises, Shiva recognises that Daksha already has aversion towards him. And that aversion will increase if he goes there.
See, attachment and aversion are two sides of the same coin. If you are too attached to something, then the more we are exposed to it, the more the attachment increases. So, on the other hand, if you are averse to something, the more we are made to do it, the more we become averse to it.
So, there was a devotee who grew up, grew up in a grew up in a foster home or a orphanage. And there, he said, every morning, evening and sometimes even for lunch they had porridge. So, he said, that I have started hating porridge.
He says, now, even if somebody makes porridge and it is well-cooked, still, I just get such a revulsion for it. I can't even see porridge. So, what has happened? Repeated exposure to something which is unpleasant, that leads to increased aversion.
Now, porridge is not a bad thing. Porridge may not be a delicacy all the time. It depends on what porridge is made of, how it is made.
But, somebody can become averse to it. And when they become averse, the more they are exposed, the more aversion increases. So, it's best if there is aversion to minimise the contact.
Just as an attachment, it's best to, if you don't want to increase the attachment, minimise the contact. Similarly, with respect to aversion, minimise the contact. So, Shiva felt that because Daksha is already averse, better.
Better to not go there. It will simply increase his aversion to us. So, Shiva was not so much concerned that if I go there, I will be disrespected.
Yes, he knew that Daksha would not receive them properly. But, his greater concern was that it will just escalate the tension. So, don't go there.
So, Shiva was seeing from the perspective of okay, anyway that socialisation is not so important. Anyway, that he is already averse to me. Anyway, he has not invited me.
Why go there? So, from this perspective, Shiva was telling Parvati, don't go there. So, when we all think from different perspectives, sometimes, we just look at other people's actions and unless we seek clarification, we don't understand their intentions. So, when somebody tells us, don't do something, don't go there, don't do that.
We may think, why are you telling me don't do that? We may feel, oh, this is an enjoyable activity. Why are you stopping me? We may feel that you are simply a killjoy. You just stop obstructing me from doing that which gives me pleasure.
And then, when that feeling comes up, you are obstructing me from doing something which is enjoyable. Then, we resent. So, here, Sati rebelled.
She said, I want to go and why can't we go? It's my own home. We don't need an invitation. So, that particular reason, we have not been invited, better not go there.
That didn't sit well with her. She said, you don't need an invitation for going for your own home. But what happened was that she did not understand at that particular point what all Shiva was thinking.
Nor did she consider deeply what Daksha was thinking. So, she was still identifying herself primarily as the daughter of, she was identifying herself still as the daughter of Daksha. That is her identity.
But Daksha no longer saw her as his daughter. He saw her primarily as the husband, as the wife of Shiva. And thus, he thought, she is the wife of the man who is insulted.
And therefore, by neglecting her, I will get back at him. So often, when people deal with us, it is not about us. Our philosophy is that, is personalism.
But sometimes, in our relationships, we need to learn to stop taking things personally. Stop taking things personally. That means, when somebody does something to us, quite often, it is not about us.
They may be treating us badly, but they are treating us badly because of something else that is going on in their head. And then, when they are associating us with that thing that is going on in their head. Sometimes, I just like to play around.
So, one devotee recently called me. He says, how are you? Sometimes, how are you just becomes a casual greeting with, especially in the western world, people ask, how are you? And even before you respond, they have already walked away. So, how are you is just a form of greeting.
So, the devotee asked, how are you? I told him, trying to control my anger. He says, what? Should I call later? I don't want you to get angry with me. I said, no, no, I was just joking.
So, the point is that we all come from different perspectives. And unless we can change our perspective to at least understand where the other person is coming from, we will just be going on with what is going on in our head and will be acting with them without really considering what is the impact of what is our action on them. Because we are here, the other person is here.
But our mind is somewhere else. Our mind is thinking of this, thinking of that, thinking of that. And because of that, we may be reacting.
So, suppose somebody has had a bad day. And one thing went wrong, second thing went wrong, ten things went wrong. And then, the eleventh person comes and makes a simple request.
Can you clean this room? Can you just take out the garbage? You are such a nagger. You keep finding faults. Go on a tirade.
And when they are going on a tirade, you say, what did I do? I just asked a small thing from you. But that action is not about them. In their mind, there is a burden because of all the ten things that went wrong in the day.
And they are reacting more to that and what we did was just a trigger for that. So, if we want to be steady in our relationships, we want to be steady in our service, steady in our bhakti, one thing we need to learn is don't take things so personally. If we keep taking things personally, then we will get very shaken by whatever happens.
If somebody is criticising me, somebody is neglecting me, how can I not take it personally? Yeah, it is not so easy and sometimes some actions are so egregious that we can't not take them personally. It is about us and they are speaking to us. But still, if we just understand that people are often reacting more to the drama and trauma that is going on inside their own head than to our own actions, then we will see that this is just the way they are processing the events in their life.
So, because Daksha was so prestige conscious, he saw Sati as a means of disrespecting the man who had disrespected him. And he just became disconnected from her at an emotional level. He did not see her as his daughter at all.
So, here when she is going out, normally she would go out with her husband. But when her husband is not going out, she is going out alone. She just tries to go fast so that Shiva will not stop her.
Before Shiva can stop her, she will just be out of his hearing range. And then, she does not want to be stopped from going. She does not want a further escalation of the conflict.
But then Shiva's attendants, they think, okay, it is our duty to protect. We are servants of Shiva. That means we are servants of his consort also.
So, we have to protect her also. So, they go with her. And how this conflict will get escalated, that will be discussed in the future verses.
But here, the different perspectives that different people bring in to a particular situation, that is dramatically illustrated in this pastime. And to the extent we understand that people are responding to us, people who seem to be responding to us are often not responding to us. But they are responding to the drama and trauma going on in their own head.
To that extent, we will stay undisturbed by people's impulsive or unpleasant reactions. And we will stay focused in what is important for us. I'll summarise.
I spoke about how in this particular pastime, Shukdev Goswami is telling this to Parikshit Maharaj to help him recognise to let everything else just be put on the side so that he can focus on Krishna. To focus on Krishna, the attractiveness of Krishna has to be described and the irrelevance or insignificance or unimportance of other things has to be described. So, Parikshit Maharaj may feel sorry that, for a small indiscretion I was cursed to die.
Misunderstanding is just a part of life. And if we overreact to misunderstandings, it can just lead to a huge conflict. So how misunderstandings lead to conflict, that is depicted in this chapter, so that we can take preventive measures to avoid misunderstandings.
And talked about how in our relationships, we can't be passive, feeling sorry for ourselves and being victimisation-centred, victim-centred, or we can't be aggressive, being retaliation or revenge-centred. We need to be assertive, being principle and purpose-centred. So Parikshit Maharaj's purpose was to fix the mind on Krishna, and this pastime is meant to inspire him to keep focused on that.
And then he goes on further and says that in this pastime, actually, we saw that how the same situation is seen differently by different people. Daksha came with, Daksha was driven by prestige consciousness. And that's based on what is our driving motive, a small thing can appear very big.
Somebody's fault finding motive, a small fault also becomes very big. Somebody's come to temple only for prasad, then even a small thing, item not being good in prasad, just unbearable. And so Daksha, the small lack of respect by Shiva, he made a big issue into it.
So he was doing it all for prestige. Now, Sati was, wanted to go to the festival for the sake of community. We all are part of the same family.
So people often come to spirituality not for spiritual purposes, but for social, relational purposes. And if they don't get that, they will go away. So, in organisations that are not philosophical, if they can foster a good sense of community, people will join over there.
And Sati did not consider so much about prestige and other things. Lord Shiva was considering the point of view of Daksha is anyway averse to me, so better not increase his aversion. So stay away from him.
Both attachment and aversion, they can be minimised by avoiding the exposure to the objects. So, when Sati went, in spite of it all, at that time, Daksha reacted not treating her as his daughter, but as the wife of the man who has insulted me. And by insulting him, I'll get back to him.
So I concluded by talking about how we shouldn't take things so personally. Because people are often reacting to our actions, but they are reacting to the drama and trauma in their head. So, by learning to not take people's actions so personally, we won't get so emotionally hurt and we can keep moving forward in our service to Krishna.
Thank you very much. Hare Krishna. Any questions or comments? Daksha, Lord Shiva was absorbed in Krishna.
And because he was absorbed in Krishna, he just didn't notice Daksha so much. The idea is that ultimately when we are offering obeisances to someone, we are not just offering obeisances to that person, we are also offering obeisances to the Lord who is present in their hearts. And because he is offering obeisances to the Lord in their hearts, Lord in the heart, he was already directly respecting and meditating on the Lord, just did not notice it.
So, we could say that this whole conflict could have been avoided if Lord Shiva had been more conscious. He is compassionate, but at the same time he is also transcendental. So, this transcendence means that sometimes he may appear as if he is unmindful of social conventions.
that's why Lord Shiva doesn't want to, often does not like to be involved in so much social things. He is absorbed. Some people may be not following some etiquette because they are ignorant, they are in ignorance.
And some people may not be following some etiquette because they are in transcendence. So, when somebody is in transcendence and we presume that they are in ignorance, that is when the problem comes up. So, etiquette is important, but ultimately there is a purpose of etiquette.
sarvabhiddhi nishadasu etaiyor eva vinkaram smarthaubhyasatam vishnu smarthaubhyam na jatuchit always remember Vishnu, never forget Vishnu. So, if that purpose is being served, then even if certain rules are not followed, that is fine. Because he was absorbed in the remembrance of the Lord, he did not at that time offer respects.
Now, there is a cosmic hierarchy and there is a relational hierarchy. In the cosmic hierarchy's perspective, Lord Shiva is much much higher than Daksha. Daksha is one of the godly personalities, but Shiva is one of the primary gods, three primary gods, Brahma, Vishnu, Mahesh.
Shiva is one of them. So, from the cosmic hierarchy's perspective, Lord Shiva is much higher. Therefore, we could say from that perspective, there is no need for him to offer respects.
But because Daksha had much more of a material vision, so he focused not on the relative position of the cosmic hierarchy, he focused on the their particular relationship. He said that he has married my daughter, therefore, he is my son-in-law. He is like my son.
So, he is one generation younger than me. Therefore, he is meant to offer respects to me. So, the material considerations were what it was with material considerations that Daksha was perceiving things and Lord Shiva was transcendental.
So, that's why he did not perceive things in the same way. This pastime of Daksha teaches us that we have to be very careful to avoid misunderstandings. How small things can become very big.
A small misunderstanding, if they are not curved, they are not addressed. Address can be either by clarification or it can just be by keeping a distance. Sometimes over time things become better.
Sometimes the wounds are too raw, at that time to clarify also makes things tough. So, the power of misunderstandings to snowball into disasters, that is what is depicted through this pastime. So, Lord Shiva being a highly elevated… So, why didn't Lord Shiva just tell Daksha that I am meditating on Vishnu? Actually, the event just snowballed over there.
Event snowballed. It just grew too fast. So, Daksha, when he saw Shiva not offering respects, Daksha spoke harsh words and Daksha uttered a curse to Shiva.
And when he cursed Shiva, then Shiva's followers were also very reactive, you could say. So, they counter-cursed. And they cursed not only Daksha, but they also cursed the Brahmanas over there.
They said, all of you Brahmanas, you are meant to protect dharma and you should have protected the honour of Shiva. You did not allow Daksha to criticise Shiva. So, they cursed Daksha and they cursed Shiva also.
And the Brahmanas got angry and the Brahmanas also cursed back. It just became a whole saga of cursing and counter-cursing. And finally, then Lord Shiva just walked out.
Sometimes, the moment it passed, things had become so bad, you just say that trying to clarify anything would just make things worse. So, Shiva just walked out at that time. He just left from there.
Sometimes, there is a time when people are not so emotionally prejudiced. At that time, clarification is possible. But if somebody is very emotionally prejudiced, then no matter what we speak, they will see it through the filter of that preconception only.
Or you are saying this just so that you can get off the hook. This is the truth. No, no.
It is not the truth. So, what happens? Sometimes, people are just so biassed that whatever we say, they filter it based on their preconceptions about us. So, Shiva just walked away at that time.
He felt that the best way to at least minimise this cursing, counter-cursing, to stop it at that time. He just walked out of there. So, when conflicts come, what is the best way to resolve conflicts? It is very difficult to decide.
This could have been done. It would have been addressed better. This could have been addressed better.
Yes, we can say that, but the past is done now. And sometimes, especially in scriptural narratives, our purpose is not to judge who is right or wrong. Our purpose is simply to focus on what we can learn from it.
We keep that focus clear, then the problems are not that much. So, was it that Shiva was wrong? Was it Daksha was wrong? Was it Sati was wrong? Well, generally when things go wrong, there are multiple causes. It is not only one cause.
So, we do not focus on judging those people. We focus on learning what we can for ourselves. So, if we look at Daksha, we learn from Daksha that we should not be so prestige conscious.
If we look at Shiva, we can learn from that, you know, it is better to be a little more conscious about etiquette so that we can avoid conflicts. If we look at Sati, we can look at, you know, we should not be so naive that we expect that people will just treat us based on something, based on a past relationship without considering recent events. So, Prabhupada in the first chapter of the Bhagavad Gita, he is very positive, he speaks very positively about Arjuna.
He says Arjuna is such a soft-hearted person. He is so thoughtful. He is considering even before a war, what kind of action should be done and should not be done.
So, he is very positive. But in the next chapter, suddenly Prabhupada seems to become negative. He says, he is crying, the tears, they are all sign of bodily conception.
Everybody is suffering from the skin disease. And that is the illusion that is going on in this world. What happened, you know, suddenly? It's almost like Prabhupada's tone, attitude towards Arjuna has changed.
It's not exactly like that. The previous chapter is given in the Bhagavad Gita to demonstrate how Arjuna was qualified for enlightenment. And Prabhupada is focussing on that theme.
Yes, this person is really qualified for enlightenment. But the second chapter focusses on actually the process of enlightenment. That is how it begins.
So, then he says, now, although he is so well-spoken, he is not enlightened. He is qualified for enlightenment, but he is not enlightened. He is ignorant.
So, then that ignorance is what is stressed. So, rather than judging scriptural characters, we focus on trying to micro-analyse, he should have done like this or he shouldn't have done like that. We should focus on learning what we can from those characters.
Thank you. Yes, sir. Last question.
So, if I say repeated exposure leads to aversion or something, but we also say that repeated exposure to Krishna to sadhana bhakti leads to attraction. Leads to, just like when we take sugarcane juice in a jaundice condition. I think the context there are very different.
The primary context here is that the same object we are exposed to again and again. Alcoholics, they keep drinking, they keep drinking, and their craving for alcohol increases. If somebody is angry with someone, the more they interact with them, the anger increases more and more.
Out of sight is out of mind, as we say. So, that is also a principle that applies. But, I would say that applies to material stimuli.
With respect to spiritual stimuli, there is not just the interaction going on, there is also the purification that is going on. So, Krishna is supremely attractive. But we don't perceive his attractiveness essentially.
And to the extent we start perceiving his attractiveness, to that extent we move forwards in our life. So, we start becoming more and more attracted, and we start getting more and more satisfied. So, when there is repeated contact with Krishna, through the process of bhakti, through the process of sadhana bhakti, that purifies us.
At the same time, it may also happen that if somebody doesn't have even the slightest of devotional intention. There is one school, I won't mention where they take complete non-devotee kids. And they have these non-devotee kids wake up every morning at 4 o'clock, come for Mangal Aarti, do the full morning programme, and then have a full school throughout the day.
We will demonstrate how the process of bhakti can reform people. Now those kids, they stay in the school for 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, but I found that practically when I talk with some of the kids and some of their teachers, nobody, leave alone becoming a devotee, they actually become very resentful. Resentful, resentful.
Because they feel we are forced to do this. Now maybe because they are not financially independent right now, they are dependent on their parents, and their parents force them to go there. If some of them have some devotional inclination, then that is good.
Devotion is something which has to be chosen. It can never be imposed. This sadhana bhakti involves force, but it is voluntary force.
It is not external force. Externally, if you force people to do bhakti, they may do it for some time, till we have some control over them. But afterwards, they will rebel and rebel violently.
They will become very averse. So in that sense, we may say coming to the temple is going to purify them. Yes, it is going to purify them if they want to be purified.
Otherwise, their exposure to Krishna may still purify them at a subconscious level. But it is, we sometimes care for people's future life so much that we don't care at all for their present life. It shouldn't be like that.
We care for their present life and we care for their future life. So, we may be purifying people at a subconscious level by exposing them to Krishna. But if at a conscious level we are making them averse, then they are going to go away from Krishna.
They will stay away from Krishna. So, sometimes a little bit force is required. But it should not be compulsion.
It should not be compulsion that leads to aversion. So, for us, if there is devotional intention, a little devotional intention, that is what will lead to purification. And that purification is what leads to what is poison initially will become nectar eventually.
Are prejudices and preconceived notions a form of Vaishnava aparadha? I feel that this whole concept of Vaishnava aparadha is just too much it if it is not contextualised, it may cause us to live in perpetual paranoia. Am I committing aparadha? Am I committing aparadha? No, we want to be Krishna conscious, not fear conscious, not aparadha conscious. Of course, we want to avoid offences, but it is just a matter of normal human interaction that we will gain, we will form some opinions about some people, and sometimes those opinions may be right, sometimes they may not be right.
So, if we start micro-analysing things, then we will just make life unlivable for ourselves as well as for others. We cannot stop our mind from forming opinions. What we can do is, we can ensure that we don't act on those opinions.
We just don't, we may feel angry with some, we may feel, you know, this person is very lazy, this person is very judgemental. Okay, we feel like that, we feel like that, but we don't have to act on that. We don't have to be derisive towards them, we don't have to be disrespectful towards them, to act in a normal way.
Nature has given us a buffer between our minds and the actions that we do. So, the buffer, a buffer is a protector, so that, you know, we can't see each other's thoughts, and that is a great blessing. If we started to see each other's thoughts, we couldn't sustain even a single relationship.
You think like this about me? You think like this about me? It'll just be unimpossible. So, from that perspective, we can't avoid having opinions about people, and those opinions may be wrong, they may be prejudiced, so, it's just part of being human. At the same time, it is also said that thought is the ancestor to the deed.
So, now, if there is a thought, and there is contemplation continuously on that thought, then that thought will come out as action, that thought will come out as attitude, and that will affect negatively. So, having some preconceptions, if you are entertaining them actively, if you are cultivating them, if you are nourishing, if you are feeding them, then they will come out as actions, and those actions will be counterproductive. So, if we have some conceptions, some opinions about people, it's not that we have to live in fear, oh, I'm committing an apartheid.
There is a saying that on seeing a Vaishnava, if you don't feel happy, you are committing an apartheid. But, if I'm working with someone and that person has not done the work, I can't be happy. Ultimately, the purpose of avoiding apartheids is so that we can serve Krishna better.
We need to serve Krishna and we need to serve those who are serving Krishna. If the service to Krishna is being impeded by someone, then we will be naturally concerned. So, we could say that it can lead to Vaishnava apartheid.
So, we need to be cautious. So, it's best if we have a negative conception about someone, maybe get it sorted out by talking with them, get it open there, or talk with someone else who has a better understanding of the other person, not in a gossipy sense, but in a clarifying sense. Now, we may see a particular person in a particular way, this person is so irresponsible, but somebody else may love that person, and what do you see in this person? And then they see, oh, okay, this perspective, now I appreciate this perspective.
So, that's how we may broaden our horizons.