Learning from Dhritarashtra – Does destiny make us or do we make it – 1?

[Seminar at ISKCON, Perth, Australia]

Video:

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Hare Krishna. Hare Krishna.
Thank you for coming today evening. And I’ll speak on the topic of destiny, understanding destiny, does it make us or do we make it based on analysis of the character of Dhritarashtra. Now, what does destiny actually mean? So, destiny, the word has many different meanings.
One meaning is that I remember the first time I heard the word destiny, my parents speaking it, was maybe when I was in the 5th or 6th standard. I had studied very hard for my exam and somehow, just on the day of the exam, I fell sick. And since my childhood, one of my dreams was I wanted to be first in my class.
I was always among the toppers, but I was never the first. And this time, I had prepared very well and I was sure that I was going to come first, but then I fell sick and I still gave the exam and I did well, but my head was completely unclear at that time. And I again, as usual, I just come 2nd, 3rd, again came like that.
So then at that time my parents consoled me and said that it was the will of destiny. So I said, okay, what do you mean by this? What is the will of destiny? So, they simply said that some things are not in our control. That what is not in our control, we call as destiny.
So it was just a general understanding that I had. But then, many years later, when I was studying engineering, I was introduced to Krishna Consciousness and then I heard more about the concept of destiny. But even then, my understanding became clear primarily when, my understanding became clear primarily when I studied the Mahabharata.
So in the Mahabharata, I will talk about 2 different, almost contradictory statements which are made and then we will frame, that will frame this discussion of destiny. So before the Kurukshetra war is about to take place, at that time, Dhritarashtra is being given advice by many great people. Of course, Dhritarashtra and Duryodhana, the Pandavas and Kauravas are about to embark in a terrible war and they are trying to avoid that war.
So the sages come, the Brahmins come, the elders come and Vidura, who is one of the prominent elders, younger brother of Dhritarashtra, but as compared to the Pandavas and Kauravas, he is older than them. So Vidura tells Dhritarashtra that if you don’t act strongly and stop this war from taking place, then the whole Kuru dynasty will be destroyed. At that time, Dhritarashtra becomes pensive and then he says, if it is the will of destiny that our dynasty will be destroyed, then what can I, a tiny mortal, do in front of almighty destiny? So at that time, Vidura gives a reply, which I will come to a little later.
And again, Vyasadeva comes there and Vyasadeva tells him, stop Dhrudana from this disastrous course of action. Vyasadeva is trying to instruct Dhritarashtra and Dhritarashtra says, O sage, is this war destined? Is this war destined? So Vyasadeva replies, the will of destiny is very difficult to know. We should do our duty.
Ponder deeply, what is your duty? After the Kurukshetra war gets over, at that time, all of the sons of Dhritarashtra are killed as a due reaction for their own mistakes and Dhritarashtra is sinking in an ocean of lamentation. At that time, Vyasadeva comes again and Vyasadeva tells Dhritarashtra, O king, do not lament. This war was the will of destiny.
This war was the will of destiny. Now, what does this mean actually? If this war was the will of destiny, why did Vyasadeva remain silent earlier? And Vidura in fact replied to Vyasadeva, to Dhritarashtra that, O king, destiny determines the consequences of our actions, not our actions themselves. Destiny determines the consequences of our actions, not our actions themselves.
O king, do your duty. Your actions are your responsibility. So was the war destined or was it not destined? This is the question which we will discuss in the course of this session, this two part seminar, today and next part.
So destiny is basically the consequence of factors that are beyond our control. That is how destiny manifests to us. During the course of our life, we all face situations when we recognise that despite my best efforts, nothing is going to work out here.
We may work very hard, we may try to pursue a particular career, we may try to make a particular plan and no matter how hard we work, sometimes just factors beyond our control take everything in a different direction. People may work, I was in Canada a few months ago and there just like the Australian economy, one part of Canada is sustained largely by mining. So at one particular point as the prices of oil went down, hundreds of people lost jobs.
Many Indians had gone there with big dreams and suddenly everything collapsed and no matter what degree you have, how much job, what qualification you have, how much experience you have, at the global level, if some changes happen, we are just helpless at that time. As a driving band we saw that the houses, people had houses which were mortgaged and they had no way to pay the mortgage. And the houses were well built and they were deserted.
People had to leave those houses, people were living in cars. It was a slump in the economy at that time. So the point which I am making is we plan our career, we plan our jobs, we plan the future chart of our life, we plan our home, but sometimes things may just go entirely beyond our control.
Am I audible behind to everyone? So therefore, there is a force beyond us which shapes our situations, shapes our results. And even a little conduct of life, living life to some extent itself makes us aware that there is something beyond my control. There is a lot beyond my control and no matter what I do, I can’t change that.
So the metaphor I will take throughout this session, I will take several metaphors but one primary metaphor will be of an ocean. If we are swimming in an ocean or we are rowing a boat in an ocean, at that time we want to go in a particular direction and we may of course need our skills, we need our energy to row the boat so that it can go in the desired direction. But if a huge wave comes along then we are going this way and this wave comes in the opposite direction.
At that time, no matter how skilled or how strong we may be, in front of the power of that wave, we are powerless. We will be swept off. Now of course, the very nature of a wave is that no wave lasts forever.
But while that wave is there, at that time we may be rendered powerless. So our wanting to go in a particular direction is our plan. The wave coming in an opposite direction suddenly is destiny.
When we want to go towards our destination, then the destiny also has to be favourable. That means the waves have to either, it’s best if they are also flowing in the same direction and their energy will help us move. Or at least the waves in the opposite direction shouldn’t be so strong that we can’t resist them.
So now, with this metaphor of the waves coming and while we are rowing, let’s look back at the two statements. Dhritarashtra was told before the war, contemplate what is your destiny. Contemplate what is your duty.
And after the war he was told, the war was destiny. This means that essentially what is important for us is to focus on that which is in our control and to do that as well as we can. Sometimes despite our best efforts, the results may not come.
When that happens, then it is said to be the bill of destiny. So before the Kurukshetra war was fought, at that time Dhritarashtra needed to consider, I am the patriarch of this family. I have my responsibility to my sons as well as my nephews.
What should I do in this situation? And contemplating thus, he has to focus on doing his duty. To the extent he does his duty properly, to that extent he is being responsible. Now after we do our duty, still the result may or may not come.
Because there are factors beyond our control. But after we have done our duty, after the event has happened, at that time we have to move on in life. Now what can I do? What happened? It’s destiny.
It was meant to happen. It has happened. Let me move on in life.
I’ll give a couple of examples to illustrate this difference. When I started giving classes for the first time about 20-25 years ago, at that time one senior devotee gave me some guidelines about how to speak in public. And the last guideline was depend on Krishna.
But in bracket, but only after you have prepared. Depend on Krishna, but only after you have prepared. If I’m giving a class and if I’m unprepared, and I come and I just don’t know what to speak and I start rambling all over the place.
Why didn’t you prepare for the class? No, I was dependent on Krishna. No, that is not dependence. There is dependence on Krishna in terms of what the result will be.
For us, we have to put in the endeavour. After I prepare for a class properly, sometimes the audience may be able to connect, sometimes the audience may not be able to connect. That result is for which I should be dependent on Krishna.
For my endeavour, that is up to me. And I have to put in that endeavour. If I don’t put in that endeavour, then I am being irresponsible.
So, I’ll put this as an equation. We have duty plus destiny plus duration. Duration is time.
There are four Ds. Duty plus destiny plus duration leads to desired result or destination. For a thing to work out, these three factors have to work together.
Duty, destiny, duration. And then the destination of the desired result will come. Simple examples would be say, if a farmer ploughs land.
Farmer wants a harvest. The farmer has to plough the land and sow the seeds. That is duty.
After that rains have to come in the right quantity at the right time. That is destiny. And then the time duration has to pass till the harvesting season comes.
And then the desired result, the harvest will grow. Now a couple after marriage may want to have a child. Now they may do their part.
But just because there is union doesn’t mean there will be conception. They are doing their part as a duty. Then the destiny has to work favourably.
That is when conception will happen. And then even after conception has happened, it’s not that the child is born immediately. There has to be a period of gestation.
That is duration. So duty plus destiny plus duration will lead to the desired result. Now before we do our part, at that time the duty is in our hands.
If a farmer has got the land now, now ploughing the land, sowing the seeds is in the hands of the farmer. After the farmer has done that, then whether the rains come or not is not in the farmer’s hand. If the rains don’t come and then there is no harvest, then the farmer can say, Oh, it was destiny.
The will of destiny because of which I did not get any harvest. In that case, it is fine. But the farmer does not sow the land, sow the seeds itself, does not plough the land itself and then there is no harvest and the farmer says it was the will of destiny.
That was not the will of destiny. That was your own lethargy. That was your own irresponsibility.
So we have to do our part and then there is something beyond us which also will play a vital role in determining the results. So when we understand this dynamic, some things are in my control and some things are not in my control and we focus on the things which are in our control and we let go of the things that are not in our control. That’s how we can live in an effective way.
Dhritarashtra unfortunately throughout his life, he did the opposite. What was the opposite? He practically never focused on the things that were in his control. He did not try to control that which was in his control and he kept resenting, lamenting and craving for that which was not in his control.
Dhritarashtra was born blind. Although he was the first of the sons of his generation but because he was visually impaired, he couldn’t become the king and this was just unchangeable. He had to accept that.
Sometimes in our life, we have certain expectations, certain dreams, certain hopes and natural to be alive, to be conscious means to be desirous. It is natural. At the same time, we cannot live in the dream world.
We may want to actualise our dreams. That’s fine. But we have to live in the real world and work to fulfil our dreams.
If we just keep living in the dream world and deny the real world, that is actually the state of insanity. Mad people are not all similar. Different people, they go through different levels of mental health problems based on the degree to which they are unable to cope with reality.
So here, we are here. The reality is here and our expectation is here. I was speaking to mental health care providers in New Jersey at a mental health care centre.
So actually, the mental health care centre people, everybody is very stressed over there because when do people need mental health care? It is when their impulses go wide. All of us face difficulties in life and when we face difficulties say somebody may insult us, somebody may betray us, we may lose money, we may lose our job. When something like this happen, at that time all of us, our emotions go up and down with the way life treats us well or badly.
When good or bad things happen, our emotions go up and down. That is just natural. But for some people, this oscillation of emotions is disproportionate.
It’s excessive. If somebody loses a job, they actually feel shocked, they feel dismayed, they feel concerned, worried. But some people sink into depression and they sink into such depression that they almost don’t come out of it.
So normally, life will put all of us to test in terms of giving us upheavals, ups and downs. Now when our emotional responses to the ups and downs of life become extreme, that is when people start needing mental health care. Everybody gets angry.
This anger is a natural part of life. But there can be different degrees of anger. Somebody when they get angry, they may just give the other person the silent treatment.
I won’t talk with you at all. Like small children, when they quarrel, they say, I won’t talk with you. So adults may not say that.
But we don’t use the word I won’t talk with you. So we may just give the other person a silent treatment. Or sometimes we may just become irritable and just reply in short grunts or annoying noises we might make while talking with people.
Sometimes there may be a tirade. Yell out at people. Explode.
Some people may even become physical. They are physically exalting someone’s anger. Now some people, especially in places like America where people have free access to guns.
Somebody they get angry, they take a gun and shoot someone. What? Now anger is universal. But the expressions of anger are variable.
And when our emotions impel us to responses or reactions that happen to be destructive, dangerous and destructive, that is when the person is said to have become mentally unhinged. Person needs mental health care. So I was at this hospital and one doctor was telling me that there was one person whom they had brought.
Normally with this physical disease we easily admit that okay, I’m feeling weak, I’ve got fever, got this, I’ve got that. But mental health care, even now there is a lot of stigma. Nobody wants to admit that I have some mental health issues.
So they had brought this person to the hospital. His relatives had brought him and he had been reluctant to come. So they told him just come and consult over here.
So but when he came there, the plan was to have him admitted there. And when he came to know about that, just something snapped within him. And he said within 5 minutes he destroyed $25,000 worth of equipment in the hospital.
Just pick this, throw this, hurl this, knock this down. And they have they have well-built people to stop such people also. But in that 5 minutes just the person went mad.
So basically the point I’m making here is that we all have different reactions. And when these reactions become extreme, that’s when it becomes dangerous. So for us when we are going through life, generally speaking, we have certain expectations.
This is how things should work. So this person came to the clinic with the expectation that okay, I’m just having a consultation. But when the reality was he was going to be admitted.
He just couldn’t cope with it. So that means I am here, my expectation is here and the reality is here. And to the extent there is a distance between the expectation and the reality, to that extent, there is frustration.
To that extent, there is agitation. If we go to some place and we are going first time to that place, we don’t know how people will treat us. Even if one person comes and talks nicely with us, we feel very good.
Oh, they greeted me nicely. But we go to a place where we are going to our relatives or friends and there nobody looks at us. That’s bad.
Why is everybody neglecting me? So basically, whenever we go into any situation, there is an expectation that we have. Sometimes the bar of expectation is low, sometimes the bar of expectation is high. And how the reality is going to be is not in our control.
How we are going to be treated, we don’t know. So when there is this mismatch between expectation and reality, that is the time when our emotions start going wild. So, with respect to this, we are talking here about destiny, not so much about managing our emotions.
That’s a whole different topic. But understanding destiny can also help us to manage our emotions to some extent. So basically, I was talking about Dhritarashtra, that there are certain things in our control and certain things not in our control.
So for Dhritarashtra, he had an expectation that I should become the king. But the reality was, he just couldn’t become the king. So now, all his life, he was agonising over this gap.
Why can’t I become the king? Why can’t I become the king? Why can’t I become the king? And although at one level he accepted it, oh I can’t become the king, but then at another level he said, my projection is my son. My son should become the king. And whatever be the cost for that, I’m ready to pay for it.
So in that way, he tried to project his desires onto his son, and he lost his sense of morality, he lost his sense of decency, he lost even his sense of basic humanity in the whole process. Why? Because when his son conspired to burn the Pandavas alive, Dhritarashtra went along with that. When his son tried to disrobe the Pandavas wives, she was a lady of their own family, and he did that, he remained silent.
So he just couldn’t, he lost all his sense of decency, morality, humanity, because he was so obsessed with somehow gaining the kingdom. So we’re talking about destiny, and we’re talking about how there are some things in our control and some things not in our control. So I was telling that Dhritarashtra was obsessed with the things that are not in his control.
And somehow he was resenting, why can’t I become the king? Lamenting, oh I lost the kingdom. Craving, can I somehow or the other get the kingdom? And in that way, his whole mental energy was obsessed on that which was not to be. It was not going to work out.
And in the process, that which he could do, what could he do? He could actually behave in a loving way with the Pandavas. The Pandavas actually speaking, respected Dhritarashtra more than Duryodhana ever did. So the nature of attachment is that once we become attached to someone, and once that person understands oh this person is attached to me, and this person is of a selfish nature, then that person will use our attachment to them to manipulate us.
So Dhritarashtra was actually constantly manipulated by Duryodhana. And Duryodhana never respected Dhritarashtra. Because there were times when Dhritarashtra made half-hearted attempts to somehow stop the Pandavas, stop Duryodhana from antagonising the Pandavas.
But Duryodhana remained arrogant, adamant and Dhritarashtra backed off. So that which was in his control, how he dealt with his own sons, how he dealt with his nephews, he just didn’t do anything right in that. Just let whatever Duryodhana wanted, he let that happen.
So when we focus, when we obsess over the things that are not in our control, to that extent we make ourselves powerless. And Dhritarashtra became more and more a puppet in the hands of Duryodhana. To the extent we focus on that which is in our control, to that extent we can change for the positive.
Now what is in our control and what is not in our control, this is not static. This is also dynamic. So before I come for this class, it is in my control what I am going to speak.
I can choose. I will speak this point, I will not speak this point. Now after I have spoken the class and say I have spoken some controversial point, some sensitive point and then all of you after hearing that point you will have your own particular reaction.
Some of you may be agitated, some of you may be distressed, some of you may be intrigued. Now after I have spoken that point, if some of you have questions on that point, I can’t say I won’t address that point. I don’t want to discuss this.
Well, if my control was there, I could have chosen not to speak that. But after I have spoken, then I don’t have control over that. I shouldn’t have spoken this point.
Some people speak to express their thoughts and some people speak to discover their thoughts. They speak I didn’t mean to say that. We all have slips of tongue.
How many of you had this experience of slip of tongue? Yeah. When you slip of tongue, sometimes it can be just funny, sometimes it can be embarrassing. So, what happens is that we speak without giving due thought.
So now, after I have spoken, I cannot, I can apologise, I can retract my words, but the words have already been spoken. So, what is in our control and what is not in our control, it changes with time. So, before speaking, what I am going to speak, what I am not going to speak, that is in my control.
But after I have spoken, how it is going to affect, what effect it is going to have on others and what effect it is going to have on me, that is not in my control. So, with this example of speaking, we can look at Dhritarashtra’s dynamic. Before the war happened, what is going to happen, there was some control which he had.
He could have dissuaded Duryodhana, stop, don’t fight, don’t aggravate the Pandavas, give the Pandavas their half of the kingdom. Avoid this war. He had the power to do that and that’s why at that time for him to say, this is the will of destiny, that is simply irresponsibility.
Because as I said, there is something in our control, something not in our control. That which is not in our control, we are meant to accept, that is destiny. But that which is in our control, we have to do our part there.
If I call that as destiny, then I am simply being irresponsible. So, that’s why Vidura told him, no, it is destiny determines the consequences of our actions, not our actions themselves. That means, you, whether you decide to stop Duryodhana or not, that is up to you.
Now, that action of dissuading Duryodhana is up to you. Now, whether you succeed in dissuading Duryodhana, whether the war can be avoided or not, whether Duryodhana listens to you or not, that is not in your control. That you can say will be determined by destiny.
But whether you do your part or not, that is not determined by destiny. However, after the war is over, say, if I speak something which is controversial, and all of you have some questions, and then instead of answering those questions, if I start mentally beating myself, why did I speak that, why did I speak that, well, that’s of no use. I have spoken it now, now I have to clarify, I have to contextualise, I have to explain, and then deal with the reality as it is.
So, that’s why, after the war was over, at that time Duryodhana was told, Dhritharashtra was told by Vasudev, the war was destined. Now, O king, stop lamenting, and consider what is your duty now. At that time, his duty was, before the war, his duty was, stop Duryodhana.
But now, the war is over. So, what has happened, consider that as the will of destiny. And now, focus on your duty.
What can you do in this situation? So, at least now, you have become elderly, focus on cultivating dharma, cultivating vairagya, and grow spiritually. Give up this attachment to the kingdom, give up the attachment to royal comfort. Focus on your growth.
Don’t let your mind beat you down. Why did this happen? We have to face reality as it is. So, when we talk about destiny, basically, destiny refers to the whole set of factors that are not in our control.
And duty and destiny are not contradictory, they are complementary. Duty refers to doing that which is in our control, and destiny refers to accepting that which is beyond our control. And in that sense, because in every situation, there is something in our control and something not in our control, so duty and destiny are complementary.
So, for us, how does all this matter? For all of us also, during the course of our lives, certain things may not be working out right, certain things may be going terribly wrong. We may be doing our best. Sometimes it may happen that we are in a relationship, in a family, or in an office, or somewhere and some other person seems to be troubling us a lot.
No matter what we do, we try to clarify, we try to deal with this, we try to deal with that, we try to explain this, but they just don’t understand. So, what do we do at that time? Sometimes we expected, okay, in this relationship, in this situation, things should be like this. But then the other person turns out to be quite different.
So, at that time, if we accept, okay, this situation is destiny, then what happens? Accepting that there is something beyond my control, that acceptance saves us from resentment. That acceptance saves us from the agitation caused by the frustration. So, I’ll conclude with this point, then we can have some questions.
I said here, we are here, our, the reality is here, and destiny is here. So, now we can control some things to affect the reality. Make it less abstract.
Say, if we went to a particular place for tourism, going to see beautiful places, attractive places over there. And the day we get there, we fall sick. Now, it’s frustrating.
We went there, spending money, taking time out, and so the dream was, the expectation was, I’ll see nice places and I will enjoy. But the reality is, I’ve fallen sick. So, actually, what is the best thing that I can do in that situation? If I keep lamenting, oh, why can’t I go out? Why can’t I go out? That is useless.
Okay, I’ve fallen sick. Let me go to a doctor, let me take some treatment. Let me find out what is the best way to deal with this sickness.
So, if we understand, why did I fall sick? We accept there is something called destiny, which determines things that are not in my control. Then, we’ll be able to, okay, this was the will of destiny. What can I do right now? We’ll be able to focus.
Otherwise, most of our emotional energy will go in our frustrated expectation. Our expectation is meant to help us in experiencing reality, in shaping reality. You may have expectation, oh, if I go to this tourism place, I’ll see this, I’ll see that.
Expectation, it’s fine. But if the reality is different, now, if I’m sick, and if I’m in the bed, and I’m thinking, oh, I couldn’t go there, I couldn’t go there, I couldn’t go there. That expectation is not helping us in any way.
See, the expectation becomes like a middle man between us and reality. The expectation becomes like a middle man between us and reality. Suppose you want to buy, you have a business and you want to buy some product from someone.
Or say, you want to construct a house, and you have got a contractor who’s a middle man, who’s a middle man who’s going to work out the logistics for you. And then, you are paying money to the middle man, and then the middle man is expected to make sure the house is constructed. And the middle man keeps demanding more and more and more money, and you don’t see even one slab constructed.
When are you going to construct? Oh, no, no, I need more money. First construct something, then I’ll pay you. I’ve given you so much money already.
So, the middle man, if he’s taking money, but not in any way changing, building the house, then why should we keep paying? Isn’t it? So, similarly, reality is here, we are here, our expectation is like the middle man. And when our expectation is frustrated, at that time, what happens? We keep, if you consider our consciousness to be like our wealth, our emotions to be like our inner energy, then we keep paying our consciousness, we keep expending our emotional energy on the expectation. Oh, this didn’t work out, this didn’t work out, this didn’t work out.
But, that is not helping us in any way in changing the reality. So, this distance between the expectation and the reality, which is causing us frustration, then what do we have to do? The expectation is thwarted, what is the reality? Let me deal with that reality. Now, why did this happen? We can go into analysis about it later, but right now, I have to deal with this reality.
So, that willingness to accept the gap between expectation and reality is what comes to us when we understand and accept the principle of destiny. Certain things do happen beyond our control, by destiny, and when that happens, let us focus on what is in our control. Another example, for the same principle, say, if we wanted to learn rowing, and we practise rowing nicely, we have got a nice boat, and then practise elegantly, moving our arms and getting the boat to move smoothly through the air, through the water, and then, we got invited our friends, come and see how nicely I have learned rowing.
And then, we get into the boat, we start rowing, and as our friends are watching, suddenly a huge wave comes, and pak! And we are outside the boat, and the oars are outside our hands. And if we are still, if we still act as if I am rowing, now, I won’t be rowing, I will be raving mad. I will sink.
At that time, I have to swim, I have to swim to safety. Yes, I had my dream, I wanted to show my rowing skills, but now the reality is that there is no boat and there are oars. So, I have to deal with the reality I am in right now.
So, sometimes, life does like that for us. We had a particular dream, this should work out like this, this relationship should go like this, this career should go like this, my health should be like this. And then, the reality sometimes is completely different.
So, if we keep still in the head, you know, this would be like this, I would have done like this, I could have done like that, I could have done like that. You are drowning right now, swim, don’t worry about how you are going to exhibit your rowing skills. So, Dhritarashtra almost throughout his life was rowing.
Rowing when there was no boat and there are no oars. He just could not be the king, but still he was dreaming, oh, if I am the king, if I am the king, if I am the king. So, because of this unwillingness to accept destiny, he ended up failing to do even his duty.
He could have made the, ok, he did not get the kingdom, he could not become the king. That’s sad, that’s unfortunate, but bad things happen in life. But he could have made the best of a bad bargain.
And actually speaking, the Pandavas were not a bad bargain. The Pandavas were very deferential and respectful to him and the Pandavas would have respected him just as as if he was their own father. But he never did that.
Because he was still caught with his expectations. Somehow trying to bring them out into reality. So, thus our expectations of life come in the way of our life.
Our expectations of life interfere with our life. And this interference can be avoided if we can understand destiny. So, does destiny make us or do we make destiny? Destiny makes us in the sense that by destiny, sometimes the waves will come in our life.
But, we determine our response. And even when the wave has come, we don’t have to necessarily be tossed away forever. We can knock it off.
I can still swim. So, we can negotiate with reality and we can move forward positively. That is up to us.
So, how we can make our destiny, how we can shape things in future, that I will talk tomorrow. Also, what exactly destiny is and what shapes destiny, that also I will talk in our next session. But, here I will summarise and then we can have a few questions.
I spoke about does destiny make us or do we make destiny? I started by talking of how broadly destiny means. I was told in my childhood, despite your studies, you don’t get marks. That means, see that is the level of destiny.
So, what is, I talked about two paradoxical incidents in the Mahabharata. Before the Kurukshetra war, Dhritarashtra was told, try to stop Duryodhana. Don’t, we don’t know what is destiny.
You focus on stopping this Kurukshetra war. And after that he was told that Kurukshetra war was destiny. So, then what is destiny? Was the war destined or was the war not destined? So, then I talked about first of all, what does destiny mean? That the factors which are not in our control, how they turn out, that is broadly determined by destiny.
We talked about a 4D equation. Does anyone remember that? Duty plus destiny plus duration leads to desired result. So, in Sanskrit this can be called as karma, kala, karma, daiva and kala leads to phala.
So, then I gave the example of farming and of consuming a child. So, Dhritarashtra, so, duty is in our control. Destiny is not in our control.
So, for Dhritarashtra, he instead of focussing on that which is in his control, was constantly obsessing over that which is not in his control. Instead of trying to behave properly with Duryodhana by training him, by disciplining him, instead of behaving properly with the Pandavas, by reciprocating with the respect that they were showing him, instead of doing that he kept obsessing over the fact that he could not become the king. He was resenting it, he was lamenting it, he was craving for the kingdom and thus he disempowered himself.
When we become attached, then those to whom we are attached, they can very easily manipulate us. So, when we are travelling through an ocean, there is our endeavour required to swim or to row, which is there in our control. But sometimes a wave may come and we just toss things away.
So, what is in our control, that is our duty to do. What is not in our control, that is destiny. So, before I speak a class, what I speak, planning that and expressing that is my duty.
I do it proper. That is what is in my control. But if I have spoken something which I should not speak, then whatever consequences are going to come, I have to deal with that.
And then, at that time, I cannot take my hands off. Why did I speak that? Whatever, we have to deal with that. So, before the Kurukshetra war, there was a situation, before somebody has spoken something inappropriate.
Then, his duty was focus on trying to stop the war. But after it is done, the war is over now. Now, that thing is no longer in his control.
Therefore, call it as destiny now. That war was this time. It’s over.
Now, move on in life. Now, do what is your duty. Now, try to focus on renunciation.
Focus on spiritual growth. So, for all of us, there is frustration that is caused when there is a gap between expectation and reality. People need mental health care when they face reversals in life.
That means when their expectation and reality is different, then at that time, everybody feels bad. But the magnitude of the response that is determined, if that is, everybody will get angry when there is a gap between expectation and reality. But if some people become physically wild and some people start using weapons, then that is extremely dangerous.
So, people who are mentally unstable, their impulses go extremely wild. They can’t process this distance between frustration, expectation and reality. And they can go wild at that time.
So, for us, the expectation sometimes enables us to experience and shape reality. But sometimes the expectation may come in the way of our capacity to deal with reality. So, the middle man is meant to help us construct a house properly.
But if the middle man is taking money and doing nothing, then better stop being the middle man. So, if the reality has turned out to be entirely different, then the expectation becomes like the middle man who is simply sucking our emotional energy and consciousness and giving us nothing in return. So, why was our expectation frustrated? We may not know the specifics.
But if we can understand that is destiny, then we will be able to save our emotional energy from being consumed by the frustrated expectation and then direct it towards dealing with the reality as it is. So, if we were wanting to exhibit our rowing skills, but then a wave knocks us so that we neither have oars nor boat, then we have to swim and make the best of the situation. Similarly, sometimes the ways of life may completely disrupt our plans.
But that doesn’t mean that we can’t do anything. Still something is in our control. So, as long as we are obsessed with the expectation, we disempower ourselves from dealing with the reality.
By accepting that destiny determines certain things, the things which are not in our control, we can focus on doing our duty, doing the things that are in our control. Thank you very much. Hare Krishna.
So, any questions or comments? Yes. It seems that when things don’t go our way, it’s natural to feel some frustration. Or if something disastrous happens, like a loved one dies, it’s natural to feel grief or whatever.
So, these negative emotions have some place like you go through a grieving process. How do you like, like you’re saying, the problem is you may over-grieve, over-get frustrated. How do you actually restrict and go through these emotions in a healthy way rather than… Yeah.
If a loved one has passed away or a terrible thing like that has happened, the emotions are natural. But how can we go through those emotions without letting them become excessive? Yeah. I gave a series of talks once on emotionally healthy spirituality.
You know, spirituality also has to be emotionally healthy. What does that mean? That all of us have certain emotions which need to be processed properly. The soul is covered by the mind and the body.
And just as the body is a physical reality and your body is different from my body, similarly the mind is also a reality and your mind is different from my mind. So, if somebody is feeling very cold, now some people, they can go out in cold also with just a simple chandar. Some people, they need to wear multiple layers of clothes and then still they tremble.
If somebody is feeling cold, and if I tell them, don’t feel cold. What do you mean, don’t feel cold? Feeling cold is not a choice for me. It’s my body in such a way that I am feeling cold.
So then, if I am feeling cold, I have to deal with it appropriately. I have to maybe go to a warm enough place, have warm enough clothes. But somebody says, I am feeling cold, so I will not get out of my bed only.
Well, that is an extreme reaction. You are feeling cold, take the necessary precautions, but you have to go on with life. We cannot stop our life just because we are feeling cold.
So, similarly for us, for all of us, when we face issues at the mental level, the emotional level. So, when a loved one passes away or when some terrible reversal happens in our life, at that time, grief is natural. Feeling bad is natural.
And, there is a healthy way to process that. That means, some people may just, okay, they also feel bad, but they recover in a day or two. Some people may require some more time.
If, say, somebody’s hand is fractured, then they need time to recover. They need to rest the hand. So, if a fractured hand, they start working more and more with it, it is going to worsen.
But, at the same time, the fractured hand, after they have rested it adequately, they don’t ever exercise it. Then, it will become atrophied. And, even if it recovers because of disuse, it will become damaged.
It will become incapable of use. So, during the process of recovery, there are two distinct stages. One is the period of resting, and the other is the phase of resting and the phase of exercising.
Now, when the fracture is there, at that time, the doctor may tell us, I have polio in my leg, and the same leg, once I fractured it. So, it was, I had to keep it in a cast for a long time, and the doctor said, now you have to exercise this leg. I said, I can’t do any exercise with this leg before also, now what can I do? He said, no, you just move your toes.
I said, that is not exercise. He said, no, that is exercise for you. Just start moving your toes.
And then, he said, okay, start lifting your leg. Up and down, up and down. So, by that small exercise, eventually my mobility came back.
So, similarly, at least to some extent, it came back. So, similarly for us, when we are emotionally wounded, at that time, the wound is real. And there is a requirement for healing.
So, some people, when they are in distress, they say, I just want to be alone, leave me alone. If that’s what they need for healing, that space has to be provided. In the Bhagavatam also, it is described that that the Pandavas grieved after they performed the last rites of all the warriors, before they went to meet Bhishma.
They grieved. So, when Dashrath Maharaj departed from the world, the Ramayana describes how the Ayodhya Vasis observed a statewide period of mourning, period of grieving. So, grieving is necessary.
Somebody who is a very important part of our life, has suddenly left. It’s going to create a hole in our heart, a vacuum within us. And we need to, we need time to regroup and learn to live life without them.
So, there is a time when we may need to rest, emotionally. I just want to be alone now. If somebody wants to cry, crying is also a way of expressing the grief.
This, if it goes on forever, I just want to be alone. Be alone, you want to be with the memories of that person or whatever, that’s good. That’s what helps us to recover.
But after some time, the person has to, the hand has to be exercised. After some time, the person has to emerge. You know, okay, meet people, start doing some activities, start resuming life.
So, one extreme is to say, you are not the body, you are the soul. That person is also a soul, just don’t be attached to them, don’t be in ignorance. That’s hard-hearted.
If my hand is fractured, I know I am not the body. But still, my hand is fractured. I have to live with the fractured hand right now.
Similarly, we may be emotionally wounded and we have to live with it at that time. So, denying the emotional emotions entirely is unnatural, it’s cruel. But at the same time, so one extreme is denying the reality of the emotions.
The other extreme is making the emotions the only reality. That is, I am grieving and this is how I am going to stay forever. Some people go into depression.
Yes, it’s natural, if we have worked for something, worked very hard for something and that didn’t work out, they will be depressed. So, okay, but the depression lasts for some time and then you have to come out of it. So, what will be the time duration for which I rest my hand and then I start exercising my hand? Even when there is a fracture, the doctor doesn’t tell, can’t tell precisely.
They say, after three weeks you can start exercising. But some people may start exercising for two weeks. Some people may require four weeks.
Because every person’s body structure is different. So, similarly, how much time someone needs for grieving, that will vary from person to person. But in principle, they need to understand that there is a grieving time when I may stay in seclusion or decrease my activities and then I have to come back.
And then by that way, we will be able to healthily process our emotional wound in a way that we allow it to heal properly. Thank you. Any other questions? Yes, please.
If you’re in a situation and things don’t go your way and then you consider that to be the will of destiny, could you take that one step further and say that’s the will of Krishna also? Would that be the same thing? Okay. So, if things don’t go our way, is it the will of destiny? Can we take it a step forward and call it this is the will of Krishna? Yes and no. In the sense that the word daiva can refer to Krishna but daiva can also refer broadly speaking to the laws of material nature.
Tomorrow, next session, I’m going to talk about what determines our destiny. In a sense, it’s our own past karma. So, by our past karma, some good things happen to us, some bad things happen to us.
So, it is not that Krishna is making that bad thing happen to us. It is our own past karma which is coming upon us. So, how best I can be Krishna conscious in that situation, that is up to me.
That means, say, we worked very hard. You wanted to get a particular job or we wanted to do a particular service, do a particular project. We tried our best but it didn’t work out.
So, now, when it doesn’t work out, what is the way by which best I can be Krishna conscious? I have to see that. So, we could say that this is my past karma and because of it, it has happened. That’s true.
Now, I can say that it is Krishna’s will. Well, yes, past karma also acts under Krishna’s will only. But there is a difference between when we use the word Krishna’s will, it can have two different meanings.
One is Krishna’s intention and the second is Krishna’s sanction. Intention means what Krishna wants us to do or wants to happen. Krishna’s sanction means what Krishna allows to happen.
The two are not exactly the same. Sometimes our devotees say, everything that happens is Krishna’s mercy. Well, it may sound very devotional.
Everything that happens is Krishna’s mercy. But, is it really? When Draupadi was being disrobed by Dushyasana, was Dushyasana disrobing Draupadi Krishna’s mercy? Is anyone telling you like that? When Sita is abducted by Ravana, does anyone tell her, this is all Krishna’s mercy? No, nobody tells like that. So, the point here is that in this world, sometimes bad people may do bad things.
And when they do bad things, that they do bad things is not Krishna’s intention. It is Krishna’s sanction. Now, why does Krishna sanction that? That is because Krishna has given everyone free will.
And, along with the free will, Krishna gives everyone a particular sphere, a particular arena over which they can execute their free will. Exercise their free will. That is called in Sanskrit as the Kshetra.
Kshetra is the area of control. So, within that area of control, they can do sometimes terrible things. And when those terrible things happen, it is sanctioned by Krishna, but it is not intended by Krishna.
So now, Krishna himself did not want the war to happen, Kurukshetra war. That’s why Krishna went as a peace messenger. So, when he went as a peace messenger to avoid the war, to petition so that the war doesn’t happen, we can’t say then that Duryodhana’s malevolence was Krishna’s will.
Duryodhana’s arrogance was Krishna’s will. No, that was his own misuse of free will and Krishna allowed it. So, that means Krishna’s will can have the meaning of Krishna’s intention or Krishna’s sanction.
So, in general, if we are trying to do something and something bad has happened to us, we have to see what is the most Krishna conscious way I can respond to this. So, one way I could see is that, this is just, in this world terrible things happen. The nature of this world is a place of distress.
But Krishna is here with me. Krishna is helping me to cope with this. If I remember Krishna, Krishna will give me strength from within.
And he will help me to deal with it. So, Krishna is not the cause of my suffering. Krishna is the cure for my suffering.
If I start seeing Krishna as the cause of my suffering, it will be very difficult for me to take shelter of Krishna. Now, I can also see in some ways that Krishna is manifesting or Krishna is Krishna has arranged for the suffering in my life so that I can come closer to him. Parikshit Maharaj sees that.
That tamo pe tam patyantri Krishna. So, he says that, I shall let that snake bird come and bite me. I feel as if it is Vishnu who is coming in the form of the snake bird to free me from my attachments.
Now, he has that exalted level of Krishna consciousness where he can see it. Now, if somebody can’t see it, we can’t artificially imagine, we can’t artificially see everything as good or everything as Krishna’s way. Everything that happens can be for good.
But it’s not that everything that happens is good. It’s the difference between the two. Krishna can bring good even out of the bad things.
That’s Krishna’s expertise. But that doesn’t mean everything is good. So, here it’s more a matter of consciousness.
What helps me to be conscious of Krishna? Seeing that Krishna has come, Krishna has sent this problem, Krishna has come as this problem, does that help me to see this problem in greater Krishna consciousness? Or I say, okay, this problem has come for whatever reason it has come. My karma, this person’s misuse of free will or whatever. But Krishna is with me.
Krishna is helping me to deal with the problem. So, that is up to individual. You see how best we can be conscious of Krishna.
So, if we can see that beyond destiny is Krishna and Krishna is Krishna’s will and if that helps us to accept it better, that’s fine. But that is, sometimes such terrible things happen. To think of them as Krishna’s will is extremely difficult.
So, at that time, all that we can say is, okay, Krishna is here with me to help me. So, we have to see what helps us to be Krishna conscious. Does this answer your question? Thank you.
Any other questions or comments? Yes, Prabhu. That does answer my question. Thank you, Prabhu.
Babaji, if I listen correctly, you are saying that we have our expectations either for life or specific situation, we have our personal expectations and we have the reality itself which actually happens. The gap between these two parameters causes frustration, and causes difficulties. So, you are saying that if we understand, if we accept that that gap is there for me and it’s out of our control, if we accept that there’s meaning, then we can put the energy of our life into what we can do.
Right? Into the reality. So, my question is, how can you actually fully fully acknowledge and fully accept that this is your destiny? How can you actually live with it in a wholehearted way, not in a bragging way, but with real intent in order to progress forward? Okay. So, when we have to accept something as our destiny, how can we do it in a wholehearted, contented way, not in a grudging way? First thing is, we are human beings and we have human emotions.
We shouldn’t, in the name of being spiritual, we can’t dehumanise ourselves. If we are hurt, we are hurt. Say, if somebody is hurt and at that time, if we tell them, you know, actually this is for your good, so feel good about it.
It’s not going to work out at that time, is it? So, it’s unrealistic to expect to feel contented at that time. If, of course, nowadays in the society, physical disciplining of children is not recommended, not allowed also. But, suppose a child has done something terribly wrong and the parent disciplines the child.
The disciplining of the child is good for the child, but if the parent strongly disciplines the child and tells the child, now say, thank you to me. The child is not going to do that, is it? At that time, the child is also upset. But, afterward, the child will learn.
Okay, what my parent did was for my good. So, similarly for us, sometimes when terrible things happen, we have to, we have to, we are our only resource. Even when we want to take shelter of Krishna, it is we who have to take shelter of Krishna.
Our spiritual master can’t take shelter of Krishna for us. So, if I am the only resource I have, I have to understand myself, accept myself and engage myself. So, sometimes we may require some time.
So, that frustration might be there, that resentment might be there. But, at least in principle, I accept. Okay, this is what I dreamt about and this is what has happened.
And when we put aside, when we recognise the difference between the expectation and reality and refuse to let our expectations come in the way of the reality, that does not necessarily mean that we approve the reality. That does not necessarily mean that we we become passive or helpless or we resign ourselves to fate. All that it means is, we decide to focus our energy where it will be productively used.
So, after I accept, say, we were trying to row a boat and we find that suddenly I am in the water. Now, that doesn’t mean that I am going to be grateful for the wave coming and knocking me over. It’s just that right now, what is the best thing I can do? Swim to the shore.
So, when we put the expectation aside, that does not necessarily mean that we are approving of the reality or we are approving of the frustration of the expectation. It is just that we are recognising where I should focus my energy and then later on I can decide whether I can live with this reality or I need to change this reality. If some middle man has stolen a lot of my money and did not build a house, then I may decide that okay, I am going to sue this middle man.
I am going to get the money back or I may decide that suing will be a big complicated mess. At least let me focus on building my house. So, which course of action to follow that and how to decide that I am going to talk in tomorrow’s session.
What I am saying here is simply that we channel our energy where it is productively used. Our emotion about the frustration of our expectation, that is not always in our control. First we feel frustrated, we feel frustrated.
We can’t wish it away. But at least we accept, okay, this is the reality now, let me focus on the reality. It’s like if some middle man has stolen a lot of money, then suddenly I am told, okay, don’t feel bad that the middle man stole the money.
What do you mean don’t feel bad? He stole so much of my money. We are going to feel bad. But at least now, don’t spend more money.
Now deal with the reality. Focus on building the house. So, all that we are talking about at this stage is stop wasting emotional energy on the frustrated expectation.
But that frustration is causing or won’t cause some emotion. We accept that. To not accept that is to almost like robotise ourselves.
We can’t be like robots who don’t feel emotions. It is that we don’t let our emotions alone determine our actions. We acknowledge our emotions but then we use our intelligence, okay, what can I best act in this situation.
It’s like again going back to the generally understanding our emotions can become much easier if we compare them with physical reality. If my hand is fractured. If say, I was riding a bike and somebody knocked me over and because of I fell on my hand and my hand got fractured.
Now accepting that my hand is fractured does not mean approving what that person did in knocking me over. I may decide to pursue legal recourse against that person. But right now I have to accept this has happened.
So now when I say I accept my hand is fractured, that does not mean that I am going to be grateful for the fracture of the hand. That doesn’t mean that I will not feel pain in the fractured hand. But I just accept this is the reality, what can I do right now.
Does this make it clear? Okay. So how do we accept that thing has happened? What alternative do we have? That is just the reality. Emotionally it is difficult to accept it.
But one aspect of humility is accepting reality. This is where I am. So it’s just that if we it can seem like disempowering, distressing.
I have to accept this. But actually by accepting that, only by accepting that can we focus on changing. Whatever is changeable within that.
If I don’t accept that itself then that is staying in denial. Generally one of my acquaintances in America is oncologist. And I was talking with them about how when somebody is diagnosed with cancer, what are the phases they go through.
The first phase is often denial. This can’t be happening to me. I can’t get this cancer.
Maybe something is wrong with the report. Please check it again. So yes, it’s understandable that a denial phase is something which everyone goes through.
But the patient has to be guided so that they can end the denial phase. Only then they can decide, I can take the treatment or whatever needs to be done. So the denial phase is also a psychological coping mechanism.
And sometimes it may be required a little bit time for that. But we cannot let that become our prolonged psychological state. Because denial of reality simply disempowers us from dealing with reality.
So, to some extent, for some time, it may be there. But if you understand that by denying reality I am simply disempowering myself. I am simply hurting myself more and more.
Life has hurt me and I am hurting myself more on top of that. Why should I do that? Let me focus on doing what I can. Say, if we put our hand, talking with someone and put our hand behind the wall and that wall happens to be where there is a hinge of a door and somebody closes the door.
Our hand gets squeezed in that. Call out in pain. Now, the hand is in pain.
We can’t deny that. Why did that person close the door? Why did I put my hand over there? Forget all that. First take out the hand from there.
First take out the hand from there. Say, no, no, why did this happen? Why did this person close the door there? Well, it’s unproductive. So, if you understand that by denying reality I am simply hurting myself more, then we will accept reality.
Somehow the mind works in a perverse way which makes us think that by denying reality that reality will go away. And sometimes we think, the mind makes us think that by accepting reality, we are making ourselves powerless. But actually only by accepting reality can we tap whatever little power we have in that situation.
Was there one question behind also? Okay, we’ll come to it. Okay. Problems do happen naturally.
We try to handle it with spiritual knowledge. We also try to be positive and try to solve the problem as you mentioned. But what if the problem can’t get solved? You’re trying your level best.
You’re doing all that needs to be done. You’re accepting that there is a problem. And you have, you know, you’re trying to look for the solution and we just don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
We’re really in such a scenario like, can you expect Krishna to be your friend that time? Krishna is going to help you? Is it wrong to think about Krishna that time? On the basis to solve your problem? Not on the basis of spirituality or the basis that he’s going to take you back home, but on the basis that this is the reality, this is the problem, and here I am, trying to rely on Krishna. Can we do that? And if we do that, is there going to be some light at the end of the tunnel? So, if we are facing a problem for which there seems to be no solution, then can we pray to Krishna and will Krishna solve that problem? Not just spiritually elevate us, but solve that problem. This whole part of dealing with the problem, what are the different approaches of dealing with the problem, I’ll talk about it tomorrow in detail.
But I’ll just mention a couple of principles over here. That when some problem which is going on and on and on, then at that time, we have broadly three options. I call this as tolerate, mitigate or immigrate.
Tolerate means this is how it is. I have to live with this. If I can’t, then I have to rectify it.
If I can’t rectify it, I have to move away from it. Sometimes only one of these may be possible. Sometimes two of these may be possible.
We have to choose which is the best. Suppose, say, we’ve got some terrible sickness and we’re trying some treatment, this, this, this, but nothing is working. Then it’s in our body itself.
What can we do? There’s no option there except tolerating it. We can keep trying treatment, but we have to tolerate it. Suppose we have a job and we have a disagreeable boss.
Now, at that time, you may try to tolerate, but if you find it’s unbearable, you may decide, I’m just going to take another job. So there you might be able to immigrate. So in different situations, we may have different approaches to deal with situations.
But the principle is that we don’t reduce our life to that one thing. This is our life, our consciousness, our future is actually, it runs on multiple tracks. There is a social track, there is a family track, there is a professional track, there is a spiritual track, there is an emotional track, there is a personal interest.
So whatever we may have. So if we reduce our life to only one track, my health is important for me. So if I got a sickness, which limits me, it’s really going to limit me.
But if that is all that I’m going to think of, then I am limiting myself further. If I understand my life has multiple tracks and this track is blocked right now. But what other tracks are open for me? So, okay, in my relational situation, somebody may be, suppose in a physical situation, somebody may get a particular disease by which their mobility gets limited.
Okay, what can I do within this? So A, we may have to live with pain, but we don’t have to live in pain. Live with pain means pain is a part of our life. It is our companion in life.
But live in pain means pain shapes our whole, it dominates our whole consciousness. Our consciousness may contain pain, but our consciousness doesn’t have to be contained by pain. So if I understand that life has different dimensions and this one dimension, it’s terrible that this has happened.
And it is going to cause me pain, but I don’t have to reduce my life to this. So whatever it is, if you look, okay, what all are the roles that I am playing right now? What all are the ways in which I can function right now? So if we open ourselves, we may be professionals, we may be family members, we may be sadhakas, we may be community members or whatever it is. Sometimes some role may get blocked.
Basically when you say there is a problem which is not going away, that means some role that we are playing is blocked. Some channel for our life is blocked. But still other channels are open and we can work on those other channels.
That’s what Srila Prabhupada did. Tomorrow I’ll talk about Srila Prabhupada using all these three, tolerate, mitigate, immigrate, how he dealt with all of them. So basically every one of us has to find out how we can keep moving forwards.
Some channel may be blocked, but some other channel for our life we have to find and keep moving forwards. So thank you very much. Thank you very much.
Fantastic class, fantastic answers. I think it’s very first class. It’s very, very high, very deep.
So please come again tomorrow.