Strung by the tongue

[Congregation program at Delhi, India]

Podcast

Podcast Summary

Video:

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
hari bo Hare krishna thank you for coming today evening And I have known that when devotees introduce, they tend to lovingly exaggerate, but I think Radha Damodar Prabhu’s love exceeds the reality by infinite times. So don’t take his introduction very seriously.
I hope that after that introduction, the class won’t be a disappointment for you. So, I’ll speak on this topic of Strung by the Tongue. It is based on 17.15 in the Bhagavad Gita, which talks about austerity of speech.
Anudveg karam vakyam, satyam priyahitam chayat, svadhaya bhesanam chahiva, vanmayam tapa ujyate. So, Krishna says, anudveg karam vakyam, speak in a way that does not do dvega towards others, does not cause agitation to others, satyam, speak truthfully, priyah, speak in a way that is pleasing to others, hitam, speak that is beneficial to others, svadhaya bhesanam chahiva, speak that which is according to scripture. vanmayam tapa ujyate, vanmayam tapa, that this is austerity of speech.
It’s interesting, vanmaya, van is speech, maya is full of. So, this is that which is full of austerity that is filled with or centred on speech, tapa ujyate it is called. Normally, we think of austerity in terms of say fasting, we may do some ekadashi is there, janmashtami is there, at that time austerity means we feel like eating, but we decide I’ll not eat.
So, similarly, austerity of speaking means that we feel like doing something, but we regulate that according to discipline. And what are the broad guidelines for the discipline, Krishna is telling us in this. So, the topic which I mentioned strung by the tongue, what it means is that our tongue is a rope and sometimes if a person is in the past, a person would be hung, then they would be hung by a rope.
So, they could be strung up by a rope and hung by a rope. So, to be strung by a rope means to be existing in a state of suspension, helpless and to be hung means to be killed. So, strung by our tongue means our tongue can become like a rope which keeps us in a state of suspension, which causes us misery, which can cause even destruction.
The power of speech is often one of the most underestimated powers in society. Obviously, if somebody is fluent, we notice that. Somebody is very good at public speaking, we notice that.
And we all may have a desire, I want to be a good speaker. And there are many public speaking courses which people may do. So, in that sense, we do recognise that speech is a power.
And if somebody can be a great speaker, hundreds and thousands of people come to their talks, then naturally, that we recognise that power. But today, I am not going to talk in that sense of speech that can mesmerise and captivate hundreds of thousands of people. I am going to talk of speech as it affects us in our day to day relationships.
That this is where the speech has power to even break hearts. Speech has great power in relationships, to wound or heal relationships. And I have been spending a good amount of time in America.
So, in America, there is a great fear of people with guns crushing into crowded places, into schools, into theatres, and just going mad on a rampage and shooting. In fact, several of my friends have told that even I was at a university lecture and suddenly the alarm went off. And then everybody, somebody screamed and everybody ducked under the desk, ducked under the desk, ducked under the desk.
So what happened? The gunman in the campus. And then everybody ducked under the desk. And then some security officer came in.
He opened the door, he looked in and he walked away. And then after some time, he came back and he said, this was just a test. Does everyone actually duck under or not? So there is no gunman over there.
But the point is, there is a lot of concern among people that when people have, not just guns which can be used for self-defence, but almost like machine guns, automatic guns which can kill hundreds of people. They are available indiscriminately without much licencing or regulation, without considering the mental health of people. Now, America also has history.
The rest of the world can’t understand. Why can’t Americans regulate guns? No other country has as many deaths because of gun violence internally in the country. Many countries allow citizens to possess firearms, but America is very loose.
And just regulate it, but there is a very powerful gun lobby that avoids it, that fights against it. And there is an emotional history behind it. When America was a colony like India under the British Empire, at that time one of the decisive battles was the Battle of Luxembourg.
And Luxembourg was the place where the British had stored their gunpowder. And the rebels, the American revolutionaries, they were marching to Luxembourg and the British were also marching to Luxembourg. So whoever would get to the guns first.
You have guns but you need gunpowder. Basically, whoever could arm their guns first, they would emerge victorious. And at that time, the citizens of Luxembourg and nearby counties, they formed a human wall and they blocked the British army from reaching.
And then the revolutionaries reached over there. And that was a decisive turning point. Otherwise, the revolutionaries were not large in number.
They were scattered. They were not trained warriors. But the British army was much more organised.
But somehow they won. So because that possession of gunpower tilted the scale for Americans in the War of Independence, so America has an emotional attachment to the right to possess guns. So one of the sayings is that, if we outlaw guns, then only outlaws will have guns.
And if a thief comes to your house and he’s got a gun, what will you do if you don’t have a gun? Now, it’s true. But what happens is that, okay, there is a thief who may come and shoot us. But there is a wild person inside us also.
That person may come and shoot for no reason. Pick up a gun and shoot for no reason. So why I’m talking about this is that although the power of a gun can be disastrous, but, and we may not have guns in our country, but all of us have something that can be equally dangerous.
And that is the power of speech. Words don’t go out like bullets. They don’t physically lodge into the body and create holes in the body.
Physically. But words can cause as much damage. Words can break hearts.
Words can shatter relationships. Words can cause families to fall apart. Words can cause friends to become enemies.
And that’s why it’s important for us to learn to regulate the power of words. If we had a gun, we would be extremely careful about how we use it. Even if we had impulses, we would make sure that I’ll not keep the gun where it’s easily accessible.
Otherwise, you might just get angry at someone, pick up a gun and shoot them. What did I do? Many times these gunmen, after they shoot, some gunmen are very organised and they go and kill people in a very planned way. Cold blooded people.
Some gunmen just get angry, they shoot someone and then, what did I do? And they are not knowing how to face themselves after what they have done. Just turn the gun and shoot themselves. So, just as if we had a gun, we would be extremely careful about how we would use it.
Similarly, our own tongue, it can cause enormous damage. Now, of course, there’s a big difference between a tongue and a gun. A gun, as I said, it shoots, it injures, it kills.
A gun itself can’t heal. But the power of speech is such that it can be, it can heal also. It can encourage.
So, the tongue is such a power by which we can, we can have positive results in the outer world. We can have negative results in the outer world. And many times, whenever there are any relationships and any relationship issues, there can be many different issues.
And sometimes you may say actions speak louder than words. But that’s not always true in relationships. Now, if, if somebody has spoken harsh words, and then after that even we do 10 good actions, but still those words may be remembered more than the actions.
Different people are different. Some people are ultra sensitive about words. And even if they want to, that word gets lodged into their memory, and they just can’t forget it.
Now, how dare you say like this to me? How could you even think like this about me? And that’s why it becomes almost like an indelible mark on the memory. And that mark on the memory is not just an informational mark. It’s an emotional wound.
And then whenever we associate with that person, we might remember, oh, you spoke like that to me. You spoke like that to me. You spoke like that to me.
And in some ways, we may envy somebody who can speak very fluently. And if we can’t speak so fluently, we feel, oh, you know, I don’t have such fluent speech. But actually, if, if we have fluent fluency or speech, and we don’t have control over speech, it can be a deadly combination.
Because we can fluently speak terrible words. And at least if you’re not that fluent, then we’re angry also. Like some people, when they become angry, they’re so angry that they just can’t speak anything.
They become incoherent. But some people, they become angry. And all the resentment, negativity, anger that is there, it comes out in such hurtful, fluent words.
That it’s like you’re sitting, like we are sitting near, we’re sitting in our house and suddenly a dam breaks. And the dam floods our house. We’re sitting in one place and suddenly we’re knocked out.
And we’re propelled away in the flood. So like that, at one moment we’re sitting peacefully and suddenly this person launches a tirade against us. What happened? And many times, we speak and then afterwards, I didn’t mean to say that, call it a slip of the tongue.
How many of us have this experience? Slip of the tongue? Slip of the tongue, yes. Now, we all have this experience and the more public the occasion, the more people who are hearing, the more embarrassing it can be. Now, when we say, it’s an interesting word, it’s a slip of the tongue.
What do we mean by slip of the tongue? It’s like if you’re walking and we slip. Then we stumble, we may fall down. But basically, we become imbalanced.
So like that, when we’re speaking and there’s a slip of the tongue, that means we’re speaking in one way, but suddenly something else comes out. Now, some, most people speak to express their thoughts. But some people speak to discover their thoughts.
They speak first and they think later. Hey, I didn’t mean to say that. So, that, when they speak something and then after they speak that, the other person is surprised by what this person spoke, but they are themselves that surprised.
How did I speak this? So, what happens, sometimes the tongue seems to be working on its own. As if the tongue is disconnected from the brain. And the tongue seems to be like on a autopilot mode.
When the tongue goes like this on autopilot mode, sometimes we don’t even understand what we are speaking and we can cause a lot of damage. So, when Krishna is telling here, that regulate the power of speaking. Actually, one broad aspect of regulating is, we all learn how to speak.
Nowadays, most people are trying for literacy. They can even write. But every human being learns language.
We all learn to speak. But one aspect of learning to speak is learning when not to speak. Learning when not to speak.
And that is not a skill which many people learn. There are times when a strategic silence is the best policy. Yes, I can speak, but whatever I speak, it will get me into trouble.
So, sometimes some people put us in trick situations also. There are trick questions which people ask. So, one common example of a trick question is you ask a man, have you stopped beating your wife? There is no right answer to this.
If you say no, that means you are still beating your wife. What a shameless person. And say yes, that means you admitted you are beating your wife before.
So, whichever answer you give, it’s a trap. So, actually some questions, it’s best not to answer them. Or we cannot answer in the terms that the question is framed.
We change the terms. Who told you that I beat my wife? Isn’t it? So, you presented a pseudo set of options. And then if we are an autopilot, then we just walk within those options.
And that can get us into trouble. So, basically, I’m going to talk about these three parts. First part I talk about is how dangerous speech can be.
And then one aspect of learning to speak is learning when not to speak. In the Mahabharata, before the Kurukshetra war, the Duryodhana is so arrogant and so confident. So foolishly confident, I am going to win the war.
He feels as if the war is not going to be a match also. I have got 11 Akshahunis, I have got Bhishma and Drona and Karna. This Pandavas, it will not be a match also.
It’s like say, if India is very good in cricket and some team like Holland, they are having a match. These are minnows, they can’t even, they will be no match to us. So, he thought it will be like that.
And so, before the Kurukshetra war, the previous night, he sent Uluka. Uluka, rather. Uluka was the son of Shakuni.
And he sent him with a message. And the whole message, he told Uluka, Uluka had this capacity to remember what was spoken. Says, you remember this and you repeat it.
And the whole message was all meant to provoke the Pandavas. He says, Bhima, you think you are very powerful? But I reduced you to the position of a woman cooking in the kitchen. This happened when he was in the Gyanatvas, in the incognito exile.
He says, Arjun, you think you are a great warrior? I reduced you to eunuch. And like that, he insults every one of them. Now, when Uluka goes over there, he is super scared.
Suppose we have to give some message, we have to repeat some words. And there are words that are going to make a person very angry. So, first thing he will say, these are not my words.
Don’t get angry with me. These are not my words. So, Uluka says, oh Yudhishthir, please remember the codes of war, that if a messenger gives any message, the messenger should never be punished.
So, Yudhishthir says, don’t worry, whatever is the message, tell. But then when he starts telling, the whole Pandava camp is in uproar. And he taunts everyone.
And his idea is that when they are taunted like this, then we will have some kind of fight. And all the Pandavas get so angry and they pick up their weapons just blazing with anger. Arjuna tells Uluka, he says that Duryodhana, tell him, you have spoken your words, tomorrow my arrows will speak to you.
And eventually, by that action, he just shows that he has no interest in any kind of reconciliation. If a fire is burning, a wise person will try to extinguish the fire. But what Duryodhana did was, he put more fuel in the fire, more fuel in the fire.
And Duryodhana is a classic example of how not to use the power of speech. He had already done terribly wrong things against the Pandavas. But on top of that, he had also done terribly wrong thing to Krishna by trying to arrest Krishna.
And that is like say, if there is a conflict between India and Pakistan, normally say the Indian defence secretary and the Pakistan defence secretary might meet, if you want to have some peace. But suppose the Indian Prime Minister goes as the peace envoy, as you seek peace, that means there is very serious intent for seeking peace. And suppose the Indian Prime Minister goes to Islamabad, and Pakistan tries to arrest the Indian Prime Minister over there.
It is considered to be a national outrage. And war will break out over there. So that is what Duryodhana had already done when he had tried to arrest Krishna.
But on top of that, what did he do? He now provoked the Pandavas further. And by that, already the war had become inevitable. But at least the bitter feelings in the war could have been minimised.
But by evoking all the bitter feelings, he just made things completely irreconcilable. Now why would he do something like this? As I said, he felt that this is not going to be a match at all. At least we will have some fun, we will have some fight.
But he grossly overestimated his power. As one by one by one by one all the generals fell, he had to bite his words. He had to be crushed, humiliated and destroyed.
Pandavas intention was not to humiliate him, but that is what his arrogance led to. So now when I am talking here about, I first talked about how uncontrolled, in an uncontrolled way, in an unthinking way, we might speak harshly. But this example I am giving, how intentionally we might speak harshly.
Sometimes we are so angry with someone, like if somebody has spoken something to us, then we actually mentally planning, next time when I see this person, I will speak this, I will speak this, I will speak this, I will speak this, I will speak this. Sometimes somebody speaks some kind of, put down to us, speaks something minimising, something insulting. And then we don’t have the presence of mind to speak something back.
Then the mind goes on a revenge fantasy. Next time when I see this person, I will speak this, I will speak this, I will speak this, I will speak this. So there, it is more, it is not, so there can be some destructive speech which is hot-blooded and there can be some destructive speech that is cold-blooded.
Hot-blooded means just in the rush of the moment, we speak wrongly. But cold-blooded, destructive speech is even more dangerous. When somebody is bland and spoken.
Sometimes it might be useful, say sarcasm is where somebody speaks in a way that is biting to convey some point. Sarcasm in say, in cartoons or stand-up comedies or something like that is good. But sarcasm in close relationships is not at all good.
It can be very alienating. So there are times when we laugh with people. And there are times when we laugh at people.
So laugh with people means as it is all a joke and we are laughing together. So maybe there is some politician over there and we all laugh with them. So okay, that might be okay.
But when we laugh at people. That means we make somebody who is near us, physically and emotionally, we make them the target of our sarcasm. And that, that is very painful.
Because those words are like not just arrows, but we could say they are poison-tinged arrows. The arrow itself pierces and hurts. But imagine if in front of the arrow there is poison.
The poison permeates into the body. That hurts even more. So, how do we deal with this tendency? You all have this urge to speak.
And when anger comes up, when we feel an overwhelming urge to speak. So we could say Duryodhana is an example of somebody who is eventually strung by the tongue. He fell down and he was humiliated and he was defeated, destroyed.
Sita in the Ramayana is an example of somebody who spoke harshly but unintentionally. We see that when Ram was chasing Maricha and at that time Maricha imitated Ram’s voice and called out, Hey Lakshman! Hey Sita! And then Sita became frantic with worry. She told Ram, please, she told Lakshman, please go and help Ram.
So Lakshman said, Ram cannot be in any danger, no demon can put Ram in danger. Because Sita was so frantic with worry, she somehow wanted to push Ram, push Lakshman to go. She said, now I understand why you are not going.
She said, all along you were planning that you had an evil eye on me, you were just waiting for an opportunity. Now if Ram is out of the way, then you will have your way with me. She said, I will die but I will not be touched by you.
And Lakshman was aghast to hear such an accusation. And he folded his hands and said, Sita, you don’t know what you are speaking. But still the words you are speaking are so unbearable that I cannot tolerate them anymore.
I am going to leave. I know when I leave, disaster will befall you. But still I cannot stay over here.
And he departed from there. And then we know Ravan sneaked in over there and he abducted Sita. But the point here is that eventually when Ram, Lakshman and Sita were all reunited, Lakshman never held it against Sita.
He never reminded her at that time, you know, you spoke like this to me. There are certain things you have spoken intentionally. Now here I am going to the third point.
First point was how we may speak unintentionally, something harsh. Sometimes we may speak in a cold-blooded, calculated way. Third is now, if before we can deal with that, with our case, we can deal with it when we are at the receiving end.
So Lakshman was at the receiving end of such harsh speech. But what did he do? He was hurt at that time, but he did not hold it against Sita. So what is spoken, intention.
There is no need to see intention in that. Don’t see intention in tension. So sometimes, just in the rush of the moment, people may speak certain things.
They will hurt, but we don’t have to hold it against them. We can’t say that I will not feel hurt by it. But, okay, we feel hurt, but afterwards, there is a choice for us when certain words get imprinted in our consciousness.
They are there, but we can choose how much we replay them. Just like sometimes some files are there in the computer, we can’t delete them. Maybe they are in an area where we don’t have the access to delete it.
The file is there, but we can choose whether we open it or not. If we choose not to open, the file will be there, but it won’t damage us so much. So like that, that memory might still be there within us.
This person spoke like this to me. But to hold that, those words against that person means we speak it again and again and again. Or we remember it and we remind that person, you spoke like this.
But we can do that. Under the force of emotion, under the force of situation, people may speak all kinds of things. Even we may speak various kinds of things.
I don’t have to take that very seriously. So, first of all, if, why am I talking about this point? That unless we give others, you can come ahead please, unless we give others the benefit of doubt, we will not get, unless we forgive others, their harsh words, we will not get the strength to forget the harsh words that have been spoken to us. Ultimately, the universe is reciprocal.
There is a law of karma. If we remember that this person hurt me like this, then if we hold people’s views of their power of speech against us, that same power of speech will come back and hurt us also. So, having said that, if we move forward, now, again in the Ramayana, we see how speech can bring down barriers.
And the best example for this, can you guess who is the best example? How speech can bring down barriers? Okay, one more person. Yes, Hanuman himself. Thank you.
In which occasions? Yes, yes, correct. Thank you. In fact, it’s both occasions when Hanuman first met Ram and Hanuman met Sita, both of them.
So, let’s look at both those incidents. When Hanuman met Ram for the first time, at that time, it was a situation of suspicion. So, grief was living in fear, living in fear that maybe Vali will send someone to kill me.
He was living in the area of Kishkindh near the Pampasarovar, where Vali, because of a curse, could not enter. But Vali might send someone to kill him. And then when he saw Ram and Lakshman, he was taken aback, he was alarmed.
Because these were people wearing the ascetic dress, but they were carrying bows and arrows. Who are these? This is, this is suspicious. It’s like, it’s as incompatible as somebody, you see somebody wearing a sadhu’s dress and carrying a machine gun.
Hey, what is going on? So, he was taken aback. And then he got alarmed. And then Jambavan was with him and Jambavan said, don’t get alarmed.
Let’s find out who is this. And they asked Ram to, they asked Hanuman to go. And Hanuman changed his garb and he took the garb of a brahmana.
And as a brahmana, he came over there and started speaking very sweetly. And as he was speaking so sweetly, Ram turned toward Lakshman and he said, his speech is so sweet that just by hearing his speech, I am feeling so peaceful. My mind is pacified.
My mind is feeling cheerful. So, this is the power of speech. That some people can speak so sweetly, so soothingly, so gently, that the agitated mind becomes calm.
Now, Ram was agitated. Ram in one sense is transcendental, but he’s also a relational person. And as a relational God, he has emotions.
So, in separation from Sita, he was agitated. But just by hearing Hanuman’s brahmanical words, he felt a calming sensation. And thus, because Hanuman was, Ram was searching for Sita, he was in anxiety.
That anxiety could have also caused a barrier. So, Hanuman by sweet speech, he lowered the guard. Of course, there was not much danger because Ram was very powerful.
But still, for communication to happen, trust has to be one. And in general, if we look at each other, how do we, we all make some assessment of people when we meet them. Broadly speaking, we assess people in four ways.
One is how they look. You can say, okay, this person is wearing very, okay, this kind of dress. I mean, they may be from this part of the country, or maybe they belong to this financial bracket, or they may be from this culture, or whatever, how they look.
Then, second is how they speak. If somebody is using all kinds of foul words in their speaking, then, okay, this person may be from a particular kind of strata in society. Oh, this person looks very well educated, very fluent.
Then we look at not just how they speak, we look at what they speak. If we see somebody talking about, about some, something scientific or something philosophical, this person seems to be an intelligent person. People may talk about sports or movies or politics.
What are they talking about? And then we may ask them, what do you do? What are they doing right now? And what do they do as a profession? So, by that, we broadly try to gain a first impression of people. Now, in this, you will see their appearance, the manner of speech, the content of speech, and the action. Here, if you see, speech plays a very important role.
It said that sometimes we do not know about a subject. And sometimes, if we still try to speak something about a subject. Now, some people, if we stay silent, this person does not know anything, they may doubt like that.
So, our silence may create the doubt, maybe this person is ignorant. But our speech may remove that doubt and create certainty that we are ignorant. So, it may well be better to stay silent in some situations.
So, the manner of speaking and the content of speaking, both are important. In Kalyuga, many people look more at the manner of speaking than the content of speaking. In fact, in Kalyuga, one of the characters of Kalyuga, it is said, the more audaciously someone speaks, the more truthful they are considered to be.
Hmm? So, Bhakti Shastri Thakur tells a story that, there is a person who was considered by his own small tribe to be a very scholarly person. And he challenged a great scholar to a debate. And the scholar came, and the scholar spoke elaborately in Sanskrit.
And this person who knew very little Sanskrit, who had no learning, now this scholar is so stunned, he says, does anyone understand basic language? And he is trying to debate over here. He is so amazed by this, that he stayed silent for a few moments. And that person’s followers, just see, we have made him silent, we have won the match.
So, sometimes, some people, their knowledge is amazing, and some people, their ignorance is amazing. Now, if you see, there is a brand of entertainment that has become popular over the last 10-15 years, and that is reality TV. Now, if you see, in reality TV, actually, those who are stars, their only qualification is an extraordinary capacity to be shameless.
They speak outrageously. And the more outrageous things you speak, the more outrageous things you do, the more, wow, you can do that also. They have no talent at all.
So, people get so influenced by it. In fact, it is not just a matter of entertainment. The American president is a reality TV star.
Who eventually has become the most powerful person in the world now. And of course, now, this urge to speak, it has been extended to social media. One person can speak, and that speech can go so far and out, across the world it can go.
So, here, I am talking about this point that speech can lower barriers. As it did for Hanuman. And similarly, speech can lower barriers, it lowered barriers with Sita.
Now, Sita was actually, Sita was, with respect to Hanuman, she was in an even more vulnerable position. Ram at least had his weapons. Sita was imprisoned by Ravan.
And she also knew that Ravan would try to impersonate or trick her into submitting to him. So, that is why, when Hanuman came in a monkey form, he first came in a small monkey form. And he started speaking the glories of Ram.
When Sita heard it, she was attracted. But after that, still she was, who is this? Maybe somebody is tricking me. But then I started speaking, I started speaking special pastimes, which nobody knew except Ram and Sita.
And those Ram had told only to Hanuman. And then by that, by that sweet glorification of the Lord, Sita understood that this is really a representative of Ram. And then they had a very stirring conversation.
So, here the greatest devotee of Ram and the greatest servant of Ram, they meet together. And in this, this is in the Sundarkand of the Ramayana, there actually, the Sundarkand, the Sundar has many different meanings. One of the names of Hanuman is a child of Sundar.
Another meaning is, actually the beauty of the Ramayana is the Karudgiras, the feeling of devotional agony, the angst of devotion. So, that is experienced. Although Ram is not present in the Sundarkand in terms of action.
But still Ram is present in terms of the recollection. And Ram’s presence at that time is very strongly felt through this interaction. That is, there is a beauty, there is a Sundarta of that kind.
So, speech can break down barriers. Now, we do say that actions speak louder than words, but often words are needed to explain actions. So, for example, if Prabhupada went to America and he could have just been chanting Hare Krishna, translating his Bhagavatam.
If he had not explained to people what he was doing, we would not have understood at all. So, yes, we should be devoted to Krishna. But if we are devoted to Krishna, it is our responsibility to also explain what do we mean by devotion to Krishna? Why are we doing what we are doing? So, words, sometimes when we say actions speak louder than words, we may minimise words.
But no, actions speak louder than words, but sometimes words are needed to explain what the actions are speaking. Words are needed, otherwise the actions, what they speak is strange old man doing some strange old things. People would have thought like that.
So, now, if we look at this, sweet speech can bring down barriers and even in relationships, even if old wounds have been fossilised and long standing injuries are there, but if we make a conscious effort to try to speak gently, speak sweetly, then we can bring down barriers. We can actually create, our words can create windows instead of walls. Sometimes we speak such words that every word that we speak becomes like a brick which adds to the wall and that becomes like a China wall.
Now, of course, people do not know China wall. Most people are talking about the Trump wall, which he wants to have to check immigration, but whichever. It becomes like a wall which blocks people.
So, but words can also become like windows, which create means for communication, means for understanding. So, what do we do? I conclude with this point of, it is a whole big subject, but how can we avoid words that are hurtful? How can we speak words that are helpful? So, first thing is that start with the objective, not the subject. That means what? You are such an irresponsible person.
You know what has happened? We have already made a judgement. The same person we consider irresponsible, somebody else may consider me very responsible. So, basically, if somebody is doing something which is making us angry and we feel hurt by that, and naturally we feel hurt, we feel angered and they have done something.
So, there are three things over here. There is a person, there is their action and there is our emotion. So, what happens is we do not talk about the action.
We do not even, we do not even talk about our emotion so much. We just give our judgement about how the person is. Suppose somebody one day just comes to us and he says, I have forgiven you.
Thank you very much. What did I do to need forgiveness? What did I do to need forgiveness? What are you forgiving me about? Oh, now you did such a terrible thing. I had so much difficulty forgiving you and I have forgiven you and you do not remember.
So, what happens? What do you mean you forgive me? What wrong did I do? So, you can begin with a complete breakdown of communication instead of reconciliation. So, we may think, oh, you know, after great effort, I have decided to forgive you. What? So, what we need to do is, if we want to avoid, if we want our communication, our speech to build walls, not walls, windows, then first begin with the objective.
Objective means facts. So, what is the objective? Now, when you forgot to do this thing. So, when we do that way, what happens is, it is an objective fact.
People do not deny that, yes, I forgot to do that. When you forgot to do this, I felt terribly hurt. Because this was so important for me or because I needed it at that time, whatever.
So, what happens that we cannot suppress our anger, our hurt, our resentment, our negativity, it is there. But if you could structure it a little more carefully. One characteristic of Ajogana is to separate the emotion from the situation.
Not that we do not feel the emotion, but we learn to separate the emotion from the situation. So, what emotion or the situation means? Rather than judging the person, you are such a short tempered person, you are such a forgetful person, you are such a lazy person, you are like this, you are like that. Okay, that is my emotion.
But focus first on the situation. If we want to, if we want to discuss, if we want to build windows, then even if there is 99% disagreement between us, we have to start with the 1% agreement. Start with 1% agreement.
Now, what will be the 1% agreement? That is the fact. The fact. Now, when you forgot to do this, or when you spoke like this, or when you did like this.
So, okay, I did like that. They may have a very different reason why I did it or what happened. But when we start with, start with the action, as objective as possible.
See, for all of us, say some surgeon is going to cut something. If a barber cuts the hair, there is not much pain because the hair is not having any sensation. But suppose we are shaving, and at that time, they pull a lot of, they cut not just the hair, but some of the roots.
Then what happens? We feel more pain. Now, if somebody is doing some surgery, or somebody is doing some amputation or something like that, and they cut the nerve. The closer we go to the nerve, the greater is the pain.
So, when they do tattoos, tattooing can actually be a very painful thing. If the tattoo artist is not very good, the tattoo artist actually if he cuts the nerves or even touches the nerves, it is very painful. So, the closer to a nerve that we go, the more the pain is there.
If you are cutting far away from the nerve, like you cut the hair above, then there is very little pain. So, similarly, the more directly we attack a person, that is like going closer to the nerve, the person becomes agitated, the person becomes defensive, the person becomes aggressive. So, yes, there is a situation, there is our emotion, and there is their day as a person.
Or you could say there is their action, there is our emotion about their action, and it is they themselves. So, suppose we wanted something very important, and they forgot to get it. We may be very upset.
I may say, you are such an irresponsible person. So, what has happened? Here, we have attacked them as a person. And then immediately they respond, you think I am irresponsible? Last time you forgot that.
So, what happens is, instead of trying to deal with the issue, we point out something wrong with them, and they point out something wrong, you are so irresponsible also. So, then it just becomes worse at that time. So, to start first with something as objective as possible.
What is objective? The situation or the action. When you forgot to get this, then people cannot deny the actual situation. That is true.
And then if I say, I felt so hurt, I felt so betrayed, I felt so angry, I felt so disappointed. Now, again, in general, in close relationships, nobody wants to hurt anyone else intentionally. And if somebody comes and tells us, I felt very hurt by what you spoke.
Oh, what did I speak? I had no intention to hurt you. So, again, when it is our emotion, people cannot deny that emotion. Now, whether my emotion, they can say whether your emotion is right or wrong, in the sense that it is an unwarranted emotion or it is a warranted emotion.
But when we communicate our hurt, then what happens? We invoke not the defensive instinct of the other person, but the caring instinct of the other person. If somebody tells, oh, you know, I cut my finger, then the close relationship, that person will not bring a knife to cut the finger further. Isn’t it? That person will immediately bring a bandage.
Okay, let me apply it. So, when, in general, when the relationship becomes cold, we all raise our guards up. And if we raise our guards up, we hide our emotions, we hide our feelings.
And then, just basically, hurt people hurt people. When people are hurt themselves, they hurt others. Hurt people hurt people.
And in this case, what happens? There is no sense of proportion left. So, for example, somebody steps on my foot. Now, as soon as I feel that maybe there is a heavy set person stepping on my foot, and I will push them away.
Now, we push them away and they fall down and knock on their, they hurt their head and they get injured. I say, I am sorry. Now, but at that time, I had no intention to injure them.
My intention was simply, don’t step on my foot. So, when we are hurt, often we respond by doing something that hurts other person, although our intention is not to hurt the other person. So, similarly, what happens is, when, say, if I am hurt and somebody stepped on my foot, and we just say, you are stepping on my foot.
Oh, I am sorry. That person will remove their foot immediately. So, if we push, they may get angry.
Why did you push me? Because they may not even notice that they have stepped on our foot. Why did you push me like that? What a impolite person. So, begin with the action.
Then, speak the emotion. And then, we can, if we want, we can speak our perception or our opinion. So, that you are lazy, you are irresponsible, you are insensitive.
These are all judgments. And once we start making judgments, immediately people become either defensive. No, I am not like that.
Or they become aggressive. You are going like that, but how are you? Then the whole issue becomes complicated. So, Anudvega Karam Vakyam.
Don’t agitate people’s minds. That means, if we consider our words to be like a scissor or a knife, don’t cut the nerve. Try to cut as far away from the nerve as possible.
When we do that, try to cut as far away from the nerve as possible. What happens by that is, that person doesn’t immediately become defensive. That person, oh, okay, I don’t want to hurt you.
I will not do it. That way, if we work, we will find that point is so difficult for me to do it. It is true, it is difficult.
But actually, not doing it will create far more difficulties. So, start with the situation. And sometimes, if we are angry, we are hurt, maybe that is not the best time to speak at all.
So, I was in a community where the devotees, there are four or five devotees that are equal in spirituality. They are more or less equal. They were introduced about 15, 20 years ago in Krishna Consciousness.
And they work together in the same project. And actually, misunderstandings happen, conflicts come up. So, they have a forum where every 15 days, they meet.
And if they meet for two hours, the first one hour, they just simply discuss Krishna Katha. That means maybe one hour or half an hour, 45 minutes. What they do at that time is, each of them speaks something inspiring that they are hearing, that they have heard, something that touched them, something that inspired them.
So, then what happens, just by hearing somebody speak something inspiring philosophically, we start seeing them spiritually. Otherwise, we start seeing people very operationally. Operationally means, you know, okay, this person is doing this, but this person like this, this person like this.
So, when we have that conscious Krishna centred discussion, then by that, we develop a spiritual vision. And it is not like one person gives lecture, but everybody shares. Oh, then we start seeing each other, we are all fellow seekers on the same spiritual journey.
And then after that, when they have created that atmosphere of sattva, of bhakti, of spiritual appreciation for each other, then if they have any grievances with each other, they bring it up at that time. And then because everybody is literally spiritually stabilised, then, okay, you know, at that time you did like this. I felt very angry because of this.
Oh, no, but I did that because of this. Oh, I didn’t know that at all. I thought you did it because of this, like this.
And then things, many times things get clarified. And even if things are not resolved, at least if the concern is communicated and is understood, that itself actually resolves a significant amount of the issue. That means that, see, we all need to be understood.
And we need understanding as much as the human mind, as our heart needs understanding as much as our body needs oxygen. When we don’t get oxygen, we feel suffocated. Similarly, when we don’t get understanding, we feel agitated, we overreact.
So, basically, if you can create some occasions when we meet, and first have a nice spiritual discussion. So, if you are working in a group with some people with whom we are going to have, when we are going to do anything challenging together, there are going to be times when there are going to be issues with it. I want to do it this way, you want to do it that way.
There is going to be difference. So, some people are like that, that, you know. Even if they are wrong, they still don’t admit they are wrong.
Yes, my opinion has changed. But what has not changed is the fact that I am right. So, it is very difficult to deal with people like that.
But most people are not that blatant. So, if we have some proper forums, where we bring out our concerns, not in a judgemental, accusatory way, but in a gentle way of expressing our concerns, then what will happen? We can diffuse the explosion that may happen. And that way, we can maintain our relationships much more stable.
Rather being strung by the tongue, we will be joined together by the tongue. Now, our speech can bring us closer to each other. And if we are serving Krishna together, it can bring us closer to Krishna also.
I conclude with one incident from Srila Prabhupada’s life. We often think of Srila Prabhupada as a person who was very strong in condemning people, fools, rascals. You may have heard the statement like that.
Now, Prabhupada spoke those, but Prabhupada spoke those on very specific occasions. He spoke those only to his very close disciples in morning walks. In his purports, in his lectures, he has hardly ever used those kind of words.
Very, very rare. Prabhupada has written something like, if you look at all his published books, there are something like 120,000 words that he has spoken. No, sorry, not 120,000.
It is, an average book is 50,000. He has written about, it is 120,000 words he has spoken, roughly. It is a rough estimate.
In that, in all his written words, he has used words like fools or rascals barely 25 times. But, he has used the word Krishna almost 300,000 times. Krishna or some equivalent of Krishna.
So, it is not that Prabhupada was always speaking strongly. There are times when Prabhupada spoke very gently. When the devotees came for the first time to India, there is a devotee, there is a person who had just become a disciple of Prabhupada, but he was not a very serious disciple.
And normally Prabhupada had his disciples shave their heads, wear tilak, wear dhoti, kurta. But this person had taken initiation, but he was still having a long beard, long hippie kind of hair. And then he would come and join kiltons and dance.
At one stage, it is good. But that was the time when also people were having this idea that the Hare Krishnas are people who take drugs. And he was a typical example of a person who we would think, as we are seeing only, must be taking drugs.
So, he was repeatedly misrepresenting Prabhupada. And Prabhupada wanted to tell him, don’t dress like this. If you are having long hair, you can have long hair, but it should be properly kept.
There is a very long hair is there. So, Prabhupada was so gentle and sensitive. One day when it became a little too much, people were really misunderstanding Prabhupada because of that.
So, one day Prabhupada called him and there was an article in a back to Godhead magazine about how Haridas Thakur, who was a great saintly person, and there was this prostitute who had come to try to tempt him. But Haridas Thakur kept chanting Hare Krishna and she had become a devotee because of that. So, the article was there and Prabhupada told him, look at this article.
And then he saw, there was this picture of this prostitute initially when she was wearing like an alluring dress. And then she had become like a saintly cultured woman. So, he says, what is the difference between the two? So, he said, she is a devotee now.
He says, yes, but what is the difference? He says, oh, now, she had such, she had hair now, her hair is different now. He says, Prabhupada, yes, that is the point. He says, oh, Prabhupada, do you want me to shave my hair? He says, yes, that is the point.
So, although Prabhupada was the spiritual master, he did not hand down the right acts. You have to do this, you are addicts. He gently communicated.
So, there are times when strong communication is also required. But then most occasions, in close relationship, gentle communication, that is what is required. So, when we, rather than telling, why are you misrepresenting me like this? Now, Prabhupada said, this is how a devotee is.
Oh, I might be like this, I will be like this. So, what happened? In this way, Prabhupada also shows us how to communicate in a way that is non-violent, a way that is effective. And by such communication, just as Hanuman was able to bring down barriers, we can also bring down barriers.
And our relationships can become very, can be much sweeter and much more fulfilling by having, by learning to regulate and moderate our speech. We are not here to see through each other, speaking harsh words and shooting each other down. We are here to see each other through.
We are all having difficulties. We are all having unconditionings. We are all struggling.
We are meant to help each other. We are all here to see each other through. And our speech can become a very powerful tool by which we can join hands and see each other through life’s, see each other through in life’s difficult journey, ultimately attaining Krishna.
So, I’ll summarise. I spoke today on the topic of strung by the tongue. I started by talking about how guns can be extremely dangerous.
And if we had guns, we would be very, very careful. But our speech can also be equally dangerous. Guns can break bodies.
Speech can break hearts. And sometimes you may unintentionally, circumstantially have a slip of tongue and speak something terrible, which may grievously hurt the other person. Like, like Sita did to Lakshman.
Or sometimes you may plan in a cold-blooded way and try to counter-insult a person who you feel has insulted them. That’s like Duryodhana sent Uluka to insult the Pandavas. So either way, by such words, we create big barriers between us and them.
And we alienate people. So in contrast, if we learn to speak in a gentle way, we can bring down barriers like Hanuman did with Rama and Sita both. And for doing this, what can we do? How can we regulate our speech? As I said, one thing is learn when not to speak.
Just because we know speaking doesn’t mean that we know speaking. We have to learn also. Sometimes strategic silence is the best way to deal with some situations.
And even if you have some concerns, no need to speak immediately. I talked about one, three things I talked about. Strategic silence.
Second is when speaking, don’t cut close to the nerve. Start from the objective and then come to this objective. Start from the situation or the action and then speak our emotion and then maybe speak our perception.
You are lazy or responsible or whatever. If you just speak the action, we’re starting with the 1% agreement, not 99% disagreement. And then the chance of building windows, not walls increases.
And lastly, I talked about how, if we can have a forum, if we are working closely with some people and there are potential chances for tensions coming up, then we have a forum where we meet together specifically for discussing Krishna Gatha. Not one person giving lecture, but everybody speaks some Krishna Gatha by which we see each other spiritually as seekers and not just operationally as people who do this or do that or do that. And then after that, we in a non-judgemental, non-aggressory way speak out our concerns or grievances.
In that spiritual atmosphere where the spiritual setting has created a kind of shock absorber effect for us, if we communicate, then we can address those concerns very constructively. And then instead of our words taking us apart, they can bring us closer. And instead of being strung by the tongue, we’ll be linked by the tongue, joined by the tongue.
And instead of seeing through each other, we’ll see each other through in life’s troubled journey towards Krishna. Thank you very much. Hare Krishna.
So any questions or comments? How can we channelise our anger? How can we channelise our anger? Yeah. As a Singapore, I spoke on burn your anger before anger burns you. So I said three things are there.
It’s an elaborate idea. But first is acknowledge. Second is process.
Third is act. So rather than seeing anger as bad or good, some people may see anger. I should never become angry.
Some people say anger as good. Now I’ve got the power to put this person in the place. Rather than seeing anger as good or bad, we see anger simply as a psychological reaction to a life event.
They say that if it’s very cold, our body may start trembling. That’s a physical reaction to a life event. Some people may tremble much more.
Some people may hardly tremble. Different bodies are different. Similarly, different minds are different.
So when we get angry, rather than seeing our anger judgementally as good or bad, we see that simply objectively as this is a psychological reaction to a life event. And anger indicates that we care. So anger, when do we become angry about something or someone? When we care about it.
So when we see this anger, acknowledge this, I am feeling angry right now, but I am here, my anger is here. Rather than identifying with the anger, we identify and acknowledge, anger is present over here. Then after that process means, they said anger indicates that we care.
So try to understand what it is that I care about. Say if we are told someone to clean the room and the person not say, we told our child to clean their room and they not cleaned it. Now what is it that I care about? Is it that the room is unclean and people or guests are coming and they will see how unclean the house is? Is it that, you know, that my child is undisciplined? Or is it that if my child does not listen to me, that means I am an effective parent and I am insecure because of that.
So when we process, we try to go down deeper to what is it that I care about. And when we do that, we will find that there is a possibility to agree on it. That means, yes, now the children, the child, if I really care for this child, I want a child to learn good habits, then we can communicate that to them in a more effective way.
Last is act. Act does not mean that every time that we just forgive or neglect. Nor does it mean lash out.
But we can, when we process it, normally we think of our emotions in two terms, either express or repress. But process means, we go down to what is it that I really care about over it. And once we understand what I care about, then we can act on that.
If you want a child to learn the ethics of cleanliness, that’s one thing. If you want a child to learn the ethics of obedience, that’s another thing. So what is it that I care about? When we stress that and act accordingly, then it’s likely to be more effective.
So acknowledge. If we deny the anger, it will burst eventually. Acknowledge, then process.
What is it that I really care about? And then act to address that which we care about. Otherwise, what we care about is lost, and only our anger or outrage at that particular action comes up. And the person says, this is a small thing, why are you so upset about it? So what happens? Communication doesn’t happen.
If we learn to process anger, then it helps quite a bit to deal with it. You said that whenever somebody talks bad about you, it’s okay to be angry. How do you explain this? If somebody talks bad about our spiritual master Vaishnavas, then it’s okay to be angry.
Yes, it’s a principle that we shouldn’t tolerate the blasphemy of the Lord or his devotees. At the same time, we have to see how we can address the issue constructively. The example is given of how destructively this principle may be applied is in the Dakshas, in the Daksha Yajna.
First, Daksha criticised Lord Shiva, and then Shiva’s followers cursed Daksha, and Daksha’s followers cursed Shiva’s followers. And eventually, it became a disaster. There’s violence and there was killing, and it escalated beyond all proportions.
So now we could say when Shiva was minimised, when Shiva was not given the proper place of sacrifice that he was due in that Yajna, it is the duty of his disciples to be angry. Yes, it is an insult to the spiritual master. That is true.
But ultimately, every principle that we may hear is subordinate to the principle that we are meant to serve Krishna. We are meant to remember Krishna and we are meant to serve Krishna. So by getting angry and by venting out that anger, am I really serving Krishna? Am I really making the situation more favourable for the service of Krishna? Or am I making it more unfavourable? So basically, the idea underlying this point again, that we should be angry when Krishna or his devotees are blaspheming or spiritual master is blaspheming.
The point is that we should not be emotionally uninvolved in connection with Krishna. The whole purpose of Bhakti is that we need to be emotionally engaged with Krishna. So somebody whom we love is criticised, naturally we feel bad about it.
So the underlying principle is that if we don’t feel anything when those whom we are supposed to love are criticised, then that means maybe we don’t have any love for them. So the underlying principle is that we should have emotional involvement. We should have emotional connection.
We should have emotions invested in Krishna and his devotees. Now specifically, that anger, how we express it, that we have to be carefully decided in a way that is constructive, not destructive, that helps in addressing the situation, not worsens the situation. Barriers, like when Hanuman spoke in a way such that the barriers are reduced because Ram himself was one.
Now, the question is, does the Lord also go through all these emotions where he is vulnerable or he is just acting in a way so that it gives lessons or instructions for a common man? Good question. Now, does the Lord also go through emotions or is he simply acting to give instructions? Well, different Bhakti traditions have different understandings of this. The Gaudiya Vaishnava understanding is that the Lord is Rasa Raj.
He has rasa, he has emotions. And his emotions demonstrate him to be a living, loving person, not just an abstract principle. So God is a living, loving person.
And his emotions enhance his personality. So when Hiranyakashipu is threatening Prahalad and Narasimha gets angry at that time, that that anger shows his Bhaktavatsalya. So is he simply acting to threaten or scare Hiranyakashipu? No, he is really angry at that time.
And we see that anger even after Hiranyakashipu is delivered. And we have a hospital in Mumbai, this operation theatre, they have put a picture of Hiranyakashipu being killed by Narasimha there. So once a patient came there, he said, what is that? Yes, that is an operation.
That is the original operation. What is the result of the operation? This is operation successful, patient deliberated. So, now, in fact, Narasimha was so angry that even after Hiranyakashipu was killed, still he remained angry.
And when the Devatas came to pacify, still the Lord was not pacified. So the Acharyas explained that, that actually why was the Lord not pacified? Because he was angry with the Devatas that I love Prahalad and you know that I love Prahalad. And yet when Prahalad has been tormented and threatened, you neither protected him nor you neither protested about it.
So you did not do anything to protect or protest. And now you are offering all these prayers to me. I don’t accept these prayers.
But eventually when Prahalad offered prayers, the Lord became peaceful. So his emotions are also real. Now there is a difference.
This is a whole big subject. But the idea is that Krishna, when he goes through Leela, Leela at one level is like a drama. Now in the drama, now when we use the word drama, there is a sense of unreality to it.
But it is not unreality, this is the supreme reality. This is where the Supreme Lord relishes loving emotions. So we could say that if you consider Krishna is the central actor in this drama, then if it is Vajra Leela, then Yogamaya is like the director.
So according to Yogamaya’s direction, maybe Mother Yashoda catches Krishna and tries to tie him. According to her direction, Krishna tries to run away. Yogamaya is like the director.
So the actors act according to the director’s direction. And for the actor to actually enjoy, relish the role, the actor has to enter into that role. And to the extent the actor enters into that role, to the extent the onlookers also enter into that role.
So Krishna, when he is performing his Leela, he enters into that role. And he experiences those emotions. rudantam muhur netram yugmam rujantam karambhoja yugmena satanka netram So satanka netram, he is crying and his eyes are with atanka.
Atanka means terror. What is my mother going to do to me now? There is real, real fear was there at that time. But that does not mean that he is no longer God, that he is fearful.
How it is? There is a director who directs the play and the players, the actors enter into the role. But the director also directs according to a script. The script writer determines what role who is going to do.
So we could say that in Krishna Leela, Krishna is the actor, Yogamaya is the director. But Krishna is the script writer. So that means that Krishna is controlled by Yogamaya according to a script that he himself has written.
So in that sense, Krishna, this is achintya bhedaved in Leela. Krishna is not in control because Krishna is running. Krishna is fearful.
Krishna is half upset. Krishna is angry. So he is not in control.
But still, his emotions are also according to his script, according to his plan. So he is in control. So in that sense, when Krishna goes through various emotions, there is a real emotion that he is going through, but that does not mean that he has forgotten his real position as God.
So I have basically a problem. Suppose I am very much deep into an emotion, maybe of worry. After a while, I realise that I am too much disturbed by it.
And it’s a very big momentum of that emotion that has built up. So sometimes I feel that if I try to apply emergency brakes, I will be even more disturbed, maybe in a different direction. Maybe I will have this kind of guilt, why I was like this.
So I have a problem. It’s not a question. I have a problem with how to apply that kind of emergency brakes at that very moment and come out of it.
Yeah, challenge. When we have certain strong emotions, anger, how do you apply emergency brake? The emergency brake is a very strong word. I prefer to use the word, the pause button.
It’s a little gentler. So, not stop, not play, but pause. Pause for some time.
So we can find out ourselves what kind of pause button works for us. If some people just deep breathing. Our breathing is very strongly connected with our emotions.
So when we are angry, we breathe faster. Consciously breathe slowly. We’ll find that we’ll feel calmer.
We may find out that if we hear some music, maybe some Hare Krishna Kirtan, some soothing gentle music that may calm us down. Chanting some mantras ourselves may calm us down. Different people may have different ways of dealing with the anger.
And there’s no one way that is right. We have to see what works for us. Some people, you know, they have a boxing bag and they punch the boxing bag.
And that’s how they try to work out the anger. Some people just go for a jog. They say, clears my head.
So we have to find out based on our nature, how we can clear our head at that time. And once we clear our head, that is now, we may say the emergency, if we are right now in interaction with someone. At that time, I can’t start punching a boxing bag.
I can’t do that. That’s true. But that time, you might just use something like deep breathing.
You say, OK, right now I can’t talk. Let’s defer this. No, no, I won’t talk.
No, no, if I talk, things will become worse. Let’s stop it. So you might just defer it.
So we have to find out a pause button that works for us. So if you just look at, in general, the pause button should be related to something which we like to do, which we feel enlivened while doing. If that itself is difficult to do, then what happens? We will not be able to direct our thoughts.
I don’t want to do this. It’s something which we like to do anyway. Then our anger is, at that time, reason doesn’t work.
So when emotion is strong, reason doesn’t work. So if we try to reason with that emotion, it’s going to be very difficult. At that time, we need some way to either check the emotion or channel the emotion somewhere else.
So if, as I said, there’s soothing music we hear, or say, if we have a sense of devotion towards Krishna, and then we have some picture, some version of Krishna which is very attractive for us, just look at that and pray to that. Or whatever thing which you like to do, which you can channel emotion, if we do that, that can become like our pause button. How to immunise ourselves from others’ hurtful words? It’s a challenge.
In bhakti, we are meant to develop a soft heart. But we have to cover this soft heart with a thick skin. If we develop only a soft heart and no thick skin, that heart will be cut in a hundred places.
But if we develop only a thick skin and no soft heart, then we will cut others’ hearts. And we will not connect with Krishna. So it’s a challenge.
But in general, we need to recognise that the nature of the world is that people are going to speak negatively about us. People are going to speak negatively about us. And especially, it is that the more fame we get, in this world, nothing comes, everything is duality.
So if we get, the more honour we get, the more dishonour also we are likely to get. It’s just a part of the package of the material world. So, one thing is that we just learn that don’t take it so, don’t take it so personally.
Now when we say this, he’s actually the person criticising me. How can I not take it personally? Yeah, it’s true, but it’s not just that person criticising me, although it may appear like that. It is just that the nature of the world is that if I get honour, I’ll get dishonour.
Maybe it is coming through this person, but that’s what it is. And another thing we could do is we also recognise that when we, when people speak harshly to us, more often than not, it is not about us. It is not about us.
It’s like people are going through their own issues. Everybody has a movie going on in their head. And in their movie, they are the hero.
And we are all extras. We are all extras. And it’s like sometimes in the past, the kings or landlords would have whipping boys.
Whipping boys means if they get angry, this boy would be paid to be beaten by that person. Whip the person, whip the person, whip the person. They went out their anger at that time.
So, sometimes it happens that generally with respect to lust or greed or other anarthas, if we feel greedy, I want this, I want this, I want this, I want this. So, the trigger for that greed and the target of the greed are usually the same. No, I want, this person has got this phone, I want that phone.
No, this person, everybody is so proud of their phone, so attractive, I want it. So, the trigger and the target are usually the same. But with respect to anger, the two are often very different.
Now, person A makes me angry, person A makes B angry, and then B weds the anger on C. So, the trigger of anger and the target of anger are often very different. So, that’s why when somebody speaks harsh words to us, it may well be that it’s not about us. Although they are targeted at us, but they are not about us.
They are going through certain situations in their lives, and you speak something terrible at that time. So, that way, we don’t take it so personally. Another thing which we could see is that, if we look at our own lives, are there times when we got undeserved praise? Yes, we definitely get it.
I got it through Anand Amodapur’s introduction. So, if I got undeserved praise at times, I’ll also get undeserved criticism at times. So, you could see that it’s just balancing out.
And, ultimately, we can see that it is meant to take us closer to Krishna. That actually, whatever distresses happen in this world, it’s like Prabhupada’s example, that Krishna, ultimately the material world, material energy, maya is saying, go back to Krishna, go back to Krishna, go back to Krishna. So, we are all emotionally invested in various relationships.
And it’s natural, as human beings, we have various relationships. But we want to be primarily emotionally invested in Krishna. So, sometimes, if we get some hurtful words in a particular relationship, we may see that as an indication, maybe I need to invest more of my emotion in Krishna and not so much in that relationship.
It’s said about Bhishma Pitamah that just before his death, he, the man who had spoken on 100 subjects and fought 100 wars, he withdrew his consciousness and focused entirely on Krishna. So, when Duryodhana spoke very harsh words to Vidur, he said, they are son of a maid. He is like a traitor among us.
Now, Indian culture, in general, is very hierarchical. And we generally don’t speak harshly about our elders, at least not in their presence. So, Vidura was in the same generation as Dhritarashtra.
And he had openly spoke such terrible words to Vidura. And at that time, Vidura felt hurt. But Vidura also saw, Duryodhana may have spoken this out of his anger and arrogance.
But he saw, this is not just Duryodhana speaking out of Mahamaya, but this is also Krishna arranging through Yogamaya. Because he has spoken like this, that means, I have no reason, he doesn’t want me to be on his side. So, I have no reason to be on his side.
And he left. So, he didn’t have to fight on the side of the Kauravas. So, he saw that as an impact, as those harsh words hurt him, but he saw beyond the hurt to the purpose of the Lord.
This was an opportunity for me to disinvest myself from this entanglement with the Kurus and focus on spiritual growth. It’s okay. How much time do we have? Okay.
The last question. Yes, it’s true that sometimes we have a lot of conditionings from the past and they make it very difficult for us to restrain ourselves. Yes, that’s true.
As I said, in Singapore, we did an exercise. So, I asked the devotees, how many of you feel that your anger is so strong that you can’t control it? So, many devotees raised hands, yes. And I said, okay, if tomorrow your boss goes, you go to your office and your boss suddenly gives a lot of work to you, how many of you feel angry? He says, yes, I feel angry.
How many of you will yell at your boss? He says, no one. No one. What does it mean? Although I feel angry, I have the capacity to not express my anger.
And I may come back and express that anger at my spouse at home. Generally do. Generally do, okay.
But at least for that time, we have the capacity. So, we can’t say that I don’t have the capacity to control anger. It may be a matter of degree that, okay, I can’t control it fully, but I can control it a little bit.
At least I won’t yell at my boss. So, we do have the capacity to control. That we shouldn’t, it’s our mind only saying that, no, you can’t control this.
And it’s like, two examples illustrate this. Suppose you are playing a boxing match. And suddenly the opponent, it was a terrible punch.
We fall, we just knock down on the ground. And now, now we need to get up and fight again. Now, at that time, we ask the opponent itself, just can I win this match? Never, quit right now.
And this boxer wants to fight. The boxer cannot console the opponent. Boxer has to look towards the coach.
Yes, you can do it. Yes, come on, fight. Do like this, do like this, do like this.
So, similarly for us, it is the mind that knocks us down. And then the mind only says, you cannot control anger. So, it is the first, the mind only knocked us down.
The first burst of anger that came, it came because of the mind only. But now, if we console the mind, then how are we going to ever save ourselves? So, we need to, we can’t listen to that mind at that time. Even if we feel, I can’t control my anger.
And it will be true to some extent. But we can control to some extent. It is not that we cannot control at all.
And at some level of control can be gradually increased. And that is why I said this, it is rather than seeing this as 0 or 1, digital logic, we see the analogue logic. Okay, I will get angry.
But let me try to become aware of when I get angry. And I can do course correction quicker before I cause too much damage. So, that way, if we see it, see the progression, we may have a little scope.
One of my friends was a boxer, very, very well built. And he had a fracture. So, his hand was in a cast.
And when the hand was, cast was removed, so he said, the doctor told him now, his therapist said, now you have to start exercising your arm. He says, for him, exercise means going to the gym and pumping iron, lifting big weights. And I can’t even lift my hand.
What exercise can I do? He said, can you lift your little finger? He said, yeah. He said, that is your exercise. What? No, just lift your finger.
Five times in the morning, five times in the afternoon, five times in the evening. This is all exercises. No, for you, this is the exercise.
And he just did it for two, three days. And he said, now you lift your all five fingers. And then, after that, he started lifting the palm.
And then eventually, he got his full mobility of the hand back. But at that time, he said, I will not start with the finger. I am not able to do anything.
So, it is like, when we try to improve ourselves, sometimes we feel small steps are insignificant. What is our difference is going to make? But, small steps also count in the long run. The process of self-improvement is evolutionary.
It is evolution, gradual increment. But the result of this process, the product of this process is revolutionary. So, sometimes we cannot see the link from the evolution to the revolution.
This evolution is so small. What is the difference it is going to make? But every small step is a step forward. And that evolution will lead to the dramatic transformation in the long run.
Okay. So, thank you very much.