If my family strongly opposes some devotional principles such as not eating onion-garlic, what should I do?
Answer Podcast
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Question. If my family members don’t support me in following certain principles in bhakti, such as, say, avoiding onion and garlic. And, I don’t want to offend them because they are not ready to follow these dietary changes.
So, I am chanting my rounds to following other principles. How can I pursue my bhakti in this situation? Actually, two things are there. That, in practice of bhakti, there are certain things which are central and certain things which are peripheral.
So, the central point of practice of bhakti is to connect ourselves with Krishna, is to do what is required for connecting ourselves with Krishna. And, so, for example, doing japa, satsang, our swadhyay, or puja, these are what primarily connect us with Krishna. And, the regulative principles, they enable us to stop the activities that disconnect us from Krishna.
And, this way, we can move forward steadily developing our connection. Now, specific dietary preferences, specific dietary points, we have to see that in particular situations, they may be very difficult to follow. And, we try to find a way ahead for our spiritual growth without obsessing over those situations.
That means, without letting ourselves get overwhelmed by conflict because of a minor situation, we try to follow our Krishna bhakti as discreetly as possible. So, one thing could be that we can see if we can take our meals without that, without necessarily forcing others to take their meals without that. And, if we can’t, then we have to see that Krishna is ultimately an understanding God.
Krishna is not a demanding God who is going to hold the inability to follow certain minor rules as strongly against us. So, best is that we keep practicing bhakti as well as we can. And, if we show Krishna sincerity, Krishna can change the situation around us.
Krishna can also, Krishna is also present in the hearts of our family members. And, from there, from that indwelling presence also, He can help us recognize and realize that things can, that if they see that through our actions that our practice of bhakti has changed us for the better, then they may become more amenable to changing themselves in small ways, in some ways, for accommodating our bhakti practice. So, in every relationship there is certain expectation that we have of the other person and there is certain contribution that we make towards the other person.
So, when we started practicing bhakti, the other person may start feeling that, you know, that we are increasing our expectation from them and that we are decreasing our contribution towards them. So, that we are expecting that they cook food in a particular way for us, that we cook food in a particular way for them and that they cook food in a particular way for us and our contribution may decrease because we may start going a lot to the temple and not give them time, not do the thing which they would expect us to do otherwise. So, this will naturally create a strain in the relationship.
So, if we can show them that we are still available and that we still care for them and still we are making contribution in the relationship and so, if they feel that our contribution has, even if it is not in quantity in terms of the time we are spending with them, but in terms of quality, when somebody is short tempered and the practice of bhakti helps them decrease their short, helps them manage their temper better, then that is going to increase the quality of their contribution in the relationship and once that quality is increased, is improved, then naturally other person can appreciate that. So, basically, we try to see how much we can, how best we can make a contribution in our relationship with Krishna, in a contribution in our relationship with other family members through our relationship with Krishna and then over a period of time, they will also accommodate our expectations. Thank you.
Hare Krishna.