Why changing ourselves is so difficult – and how to make it easier

[Talk at Melbourne, Australia]

Video:

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Thank you once again. Hare Krishna.
Thank you for coming today evening. And I’ll speak today based on the Bhagavad Gita on the topic of how the Bhagavad Gita’s knowledge can help us to change ourselves for the better. Yoga as a means for self-transformation.
So I’ll talk this in four broad parts. So the first three parts we’ll be talking about, why changing ourselves is difficult. Changing ourselves, we tend to be short-tempered, we tend to have certain weaknesses.
So why changing ourselves is so difficult? That will be the first three parts. And the last part will be how Krishna can help us to change ourselves. So broadly the four topics I’ll be talking is to understand the nature of the world.
Second is to understand the nature of the solutions that we seek. The third is the nature of the mind. And the last will be the nature of Krishna.
So I was in America, in Connecticut, at a seminar on, at a conference on spirituality and addiction. And addiction is one of the problems that has just expanded itself to an alarming level in the last few decades. People would always abuse some substances, people, intoxication has been there almost throughout recorded human history.
But whether it’s alcohol, it’s drugs, it’s tobacco, there’s so many substances, the sheer number of people who get addicted is horrifying. And on an average, substance abuse is just one kind of addiction, where people take some substances. Now there is also behavioral abuse, where sometimes people get addicted to certain devices, addicted to certain actions.
So when I read the Bhagavad Gita for the first time, about 25 years ago, this was a verse which spoke out to me in the Gita, where in 3.36, Arjuna says, Oh Krishna, what is it that makes us act against our own best interests? Even if we don’t want to. Even if we know that this is not good, even if we don’t want to do it. So when I read that, I felt that this is an eminently relevant question.
And reading that was triggered by interest in the Gita. Otherwise, in my childhood, basically, I had memorized some Gita verses as a part of a Gita recitation contest. And I knew a little bit about the Gita, but I had never seen it as relevant.
That this verse is a universal problem, where people end up destroying themselves. Now, there can be a very drastic and sudden destruction when somebody commits suicide. But there can be slow self destruction through addictions, or even sometimes people are just short tempered.
I had at that time a strong anger issue. That’s what interested me. What is it that makes me angry like that? So by that, we may sabotage our relationships at a slower level.
But that’s what we end up doing. So now, often people think that if somebody is addicted to some substance, that person just lacks willpower. Why do you drink? Why do you smoke? Why do you take drugs? Just stop it.
So yes, willpower is definitely required. But much more is going on over there. So let’s start with first, whenever a person does some behavior which is unhealthy.
What is it that impels them to do it? It is usually some kind of discomfort. The first point I’m talking about is that nature of the world. So each of these points, these four points that I’ll take, after each point, I’ll stop a little bit.
And if any point that struck you, you can reflect that and you can share that point with me. Something which you would like to carry home to share with others. So nature of the world is the first point I’m discussing.
And in general, life makes us uncomfortable sooner or later. So that discomfort may be in the form of stress, overwork, loneliness, anxiety, anger, misunderstanding, many different ways like this, in which we start feeling uncomfortable. And whenever we feel uncomfortable, an instinctive reaction is that we try to shift to a more comfortable, try to get more comfort.
Say right now you’re sitting and you find that, okay, maybe it’s a little uncomfortable, your legs can’t stretch properly or legs are too cramped. And you’ll try to move to a place where you can be more comfortable. So we instinctively, even without thinking, whenever an uncomfortable situation comes up, we try to move towards something comfortable.
And that’s natural. Say if right now if I’m sitting here and suppose we were in open air and this bar was very cold. So if I touched it once and I found it cold, then throughout the class I’ll keep my hand like this.
I wouldn’t have pressed it on there. That’s because it’s cold. So now at one level, this is just a common sense response of the body where we avoid discomfort because that’s what is suitable for our survival and for our health.
But often we face situations where sometimes in avoiding discomfort, we move towards unhealthy response. So for example, if somebody is hooked, say to surfing on the net, or just watching movies, watching sports, reading news, some people can just get hooked to that and spend hours and hours on that. Or like as I said, somebody takes drugs, somebody takes alcohol.
Now usually what happens is that they feel uncomfortable because of something. Maybe somebody speaks harshly to them or some plan which they had worked very hard suddenly goes completely bust. And then when they feel that discomfort, they try to retreat from the discomfort.
And if they have done a particular behavior repeatedly, say somebody’s reflex response to discomfort is just let’s start surfing on the net, let’s start watching a movie. Then even without thinking they start doing that. And sometimes some responses like this, some responses which we seek for getting away from discomfort may be a little harmful, some may be very harmful.
Somebody takes drugs, that can be disastrous. So now it’s not just a matter of willpower. No, I will not take drugs.
Yes, willpower is required. But at that time, the discomfort is what they need to deal with. And if they don’t learn to deal with the discomfort in a healthier way, then the discomfort as soon as it comes, no matter what resolution they may have made, even without thinking, they get pushed towards the behavior again, towards that particular substance again.
So now what makes the situation especially troublesome is that life never stops making us uncomfortable. Today one discomfort may come, it may go away after some time, but tomorrow another discomfort will come. After that another discomfort will come.
So these discomforts keep coming. And when discomforts keep coming, Now historically, also in the past people would take alcohol and things like that, but the scale of addiction today is much greater. And there can be many reasons for this.
But one major reason is that in the past, people had a greater capacity to be comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. That means that, okay, this discomfort is there, let me just tolerate it. But now we have our capacity to live with discomfort has gone down significantly.
And that again has many reasons. But one major reason is that the media and the culture portrays as if everything is meant to be wonderful. As if discomfort is unnatural.
It is discomfort is never desirable. Discomfort is undesirable, but it is not unnatural. The nature of the world is that discomfort will come.
Whatever be the specific cause of the discomfort that may vary from person to person, but everybody gets uncomfortable sooner or later. So the less we have capacity to tolerate discomfort, then the greater is our tendency to go towards our default reaction. So many times when people succumb to some unwanted habit, say somebody short tempered, and just get angry.
Some people, they get angry and then they said, I’m never going to get angry again. And then again they start getting angry. And then the other person reminds them, you’re getting angry.
I’m not getting angry. So they, when they resolve not to get angry, they get angry with themselves for having gotten angry. So you just get lost.
It’s not just lacking willpower over there. What has happened is, maybe the other person did something which annoyed them. And now how to deal with that annoyance in a more constructive way.
If that the person doesn’t know, then what happens? Automatically, the angry reaction comes up. The anger comes up. So to be able to understand why we are not able to change ourselves, why we gravitate towards behaviors, which we do not want to do.
One feature, one thing to understand is that in this world, discomfort is natural. Not desirable, but natural. And when we are feeling some discomfort, it is not a catastrophe.
That is discomfort, maybe say there is some strain in our relationships. Discomfort, maybe we feel some physical pain. Discomfort, maybe that the weather is not good.
Discomfort may be in various kinds. Broadly, we have Adhyatmik, Adhibhautik, Adhidaivik. From the body-mind, from the relationships and from the world around us.
So, when this kind of discomforts come up, at that time, if we understand this is not unnatural, then we won’t rush, gravitate towards it. So first is, we learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. That is like say somebody goes to gym for a workout.
Now, if we try to lift weights which are heavy, we feel uncomfortable. Now, if somebody says, I don’t want to feel uncomfortable and somebody goes to the gym and lifts weights that cause no exercise at all, then that will not lead to much development of their muscles. Now, of course, if somebody can lift say 10 kg weights and they lift 50-60 kg weights, they may get crushed.
So, there is also a limit to how much discomfort we can tolerate. But in general, growth happens when we accept discomfort. So, that is, if we want to change ourselves, we look at what are the situations when we become uncomfortable.
And okay, this is not a terrible thing. The solution part, I’ll come in the last section. But this was the first point that for all of us, when we think I will not do this behavior, I will not overeat, I will not oversleep, I will not yell at others, I will not do this, I will not do that.
We are not just trying to fight that behavior itself. It’s like trying to cut the wheels. But understanding what is causing us discomfort.
When we address that, when we find a healthier way to address discomfort, that is when we are taking out the roots. Otherwise, we may just cut off the wheels. But next time the season or rainy season comes, or the appropriate season comes, the wheels will come again.
So, by raw willpower, we may suppress that behavior. But it will not sustain itself for long. So, the nature of the world is that it makes us uncomfortable.
And we need to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. So, that was the first point. Any reflections or thoughts on this? Anything that struck you? Anything that you after this class, if you want to share with someone, what you would like to share? So, this is not a reflection, this is a question, isn’t it? So, I’ll just answer very briefly.
So, willpower is required for doing anything in life. But the willpower required to tolerate discomfort is actually far lesser than the willpower required to restrain that behavior. So, it’s like a lever.
If you have to lift 10 kg weight yourself, it will require some effort. But if you have a lever, you just apply some pressure on it, it becomes much easier. So, we have to apply pressure, we have to apply force.
So, we have to… How to tolerate that? Often it is… I’ll talk about in the last section about spiritual growth. That’s how we can do it. But yes, that also… it’s a valid point that that also requires some willpower.
But it is… Yeah, it is much easier. It’s like, say, suppose somebody has got cough and they feel like coughing. And they say, by willpower, I will not cough.
I will not cough. That’s going to be impossible to do. Now, on the other hand, if, say, they like to take cold water or cold drinks or ice cream and they love it.
Now, to stop that, that is also going to require willpower. But the willpower required to stop taking ice cream is actually much more manageable than the willpower required to stop coughing. Isn’t it? So, everything requires willpower, but there are some areas that is more effective and somewhere it is just not effective.
Thank you. Yes, please. To stop discomfort, I get very free.
Yes, excellent point. Thank you. Now, if we learn to accept one discomfort, we could say our capacity to tolerate discomfort increases and that helps us in other walks of life also.
So, it is not just that area, but our capacity to tolerate discomfort becomes like a shield around us and that shield helps us in various walks of life. Thank you. So, we move on to the second point.
And I will not move from that, from the second to third point, till you reflect some things. So, think of what you are going to reflect. So, second point was what? Remember, we are talking about how we can change our behaviors.
So, change the nature of the solutions that we seek. Now, nature of the solutions means that sometimes we may feel that suppose somebody is an alcoholic and you just give up alcohol, why do you drink it? So, yes, you may feel like that, but we may feel that giving up alcohol is very easy because there is no attachment to it within us. The nature of every sense object in this world, every object that allures us is that it has its own gravity pull.
Just like say, if I pick up this phone and drop it, don’t worry, whoever it is, I am not going to drop it. But if I drop it, it is going to fall. Because there is a gravity pull which will pull it.
Now, interestingly enough, this gravity pull of the earth is the same for all objects of similar weight. If my phone is of the same weight, your phone is the same weight, they will pull down by the same force itself. However, with respect to the sense objects, the sense objects gravity pull on our consciousness is different for different people.
So, the sense object may be the same, but the pull that it exerts on a particular person may be, can be very different from the pull it exerts on another person. Say, simple example is that, say, somebody is in India or Australia, cricket is a very attractive game for people. People are hooked into it.
So, any cricket news, they are just very eager. If here in India or Australia, you hear about, say, some ice hockey tournament, okay, who bothers? You may not even notice it, isn’t it? Now, if you go to Canada, ice hockey is big over there. And people forget everything when it comes to ice hockey.
So, what happens is, for Canadians, the gravity pull of ice hockey is huge. And if you go to Canada and you talk about cricket, they think it is an insect. So, the game of cricket may hardly have any gravity pull on them.
So, now, understanding this is very important for us to become empathic towards those who have unwanted behaviors. Say, somebody is an addict of something, then why do you keep drinking like this? Why do you keep doing like this? Actually speaking, we don’t feel that gravity pull. And that’s why we will always give it up.
But they feel that gravity pull, it’s forceful for them. It’s so strong that they just can’t resist it. So, the sense objects exert variable gravity pulls on different people.
Now, when the gravity pull comes, unless this phone is being held by someone, it will automatically go off. Similarly, for people, they just automatically gravitate towards the particular objects they have indulged. Now, what determines how much gravity pull a particular thing will have on a particular person? What do you think? What determines that? Just from the earlier example of cricket and ice hockey, the background, the environment, the habit, the environment, all of you are right.
It’s more specific. The person’s likes and dislikes, nature, habit has come the closest till now, but a little bit more specific than habit. Attachment.
Attachment itself is the gravity pull actually. Satisfaction that you derive from that. Action.
Can you elaborate that action? Little bit more. Yes. Yes.
So, it’s just their repeated indulgence in that. How much a person has engaged in it in the past and how much a person has enjoyed that indulgence in the past. So, that determines how much a person will be attracted by it.
Like somebody who has never played ice hockey, never watched ice hockey, there is no attraction towards that. When somebody has watched many, many cricket matches, then when a cricket match comes up, immediately there is a pull. So, the gravity pull of particular sense objects is determined by how much a particular person has indulged in it.
And this is where we often are caught unawares that when we do a particular activity, we think it’s just one time. What is the big deal? Just once I’m going to do it. But what happens is, what we don’t understand is each time we do it, we are increasing that object’s gravity pull on us.
With respect to alcohol, it is said that first, the drink, the drinker takes the drink. Then the drink takes the drink. And then the drink takes the drinker.
So, it’s just pulled forcefully. So, this, so the nature of the worldly objects is that the more we indulge in them, the greater is the gravity pull they exert on us. So, that’s why a person who has repeatedly indulged in something, they are more and more prone to indulging in it.
If we consider some unwanted habits, if we consider say on a scale, say drugs or smoking or drinking. Drugs, most people, it’s very bad, don’t do it. Smoking, okay, at least don’t do it in public.
You burn, don’t burn me. Private, you can only have to do it in so many places, so don’t smoke. Now, drinking, people think, especially in the western culture, it’s a part of life.
They say drink, but don’t become drunk. That is their idea. Drink in moderation.
Now, it may be possible for some people to do it, but it is very dangerous. Because what happens, that when they keep drinking, they get some high by it. They get some pleasure by it.
And then, they may drink a thousand times and never become drunk, in the sense of excessively drunk. But sometimes, if these two things come together, they are feeling some discomfort, they want some relief. And at that time, drink is available to them.
Stop, they will just get pulled. And they will get pulled completely by it. So therefore, before we come into the gravity pull of something, we need to be aware of how powerful its pull can be.
For somebody who becomes an addict, that object of their addiction becomes almost like a black hole. What is the characteristic of a black hole? Yes, yad gatva nani vartante. What goes inside doesn’t come out.
When the rays of light get pulled into it, they can’t come out. So like that, its gravity pull is so high. So for those who have repeatedly indulged in something, the gravity pull becomes so great.
They just can’t resist it. Nowadays, many people have, what is this, internet addiction, screen addiction, different kinds. I saw one poster.
I was at this addiction spirituality seminar. So they showed that a person is working on a computer and they are not just working. I think some surfing.
The computer, the person turns away and like tentacles come out of the computer. Tentacles come out and the person said, look away, pulled back, pulled back towards that object. So that’s how the pull is exerted.
So when we understand this, then also we understand why sometimes we relapse. Sometimes you feel I have no desire at all. I will never do this again.
But next moment or a few moments in a zoop, not only do we get the desire to do it, we also end up doing it. Why? Because say in the earlier time, one moment before, we may not have been in the gravity pull of that. But the next moment we come in the gravity pull, zoop, we get pulled.
So like right now I’m sitting, the chair is under me, so I’m comfortable. But suppose while I’m sitting, maybe I get up for a moment and then somebody pulls the chair away from me. And then I sit down and I won’t sit down, I just fall down.
Why? Because the chair has been pulled back. So often when we have some other support, we have something else which wards off that gravity pull. Say if we are very busy and absorbed in doing something, then that fills our consciousness, then we don’t feel pulled towards it.
Say if somebody has a habit also of surfing a lot on the net, but if they have some urgent deadline driven project, they have to do, then even if some notification comes up, just forget it. Not now, later. So that time they will be able to resist it.
But as soon as that work gets off, then there is nothing else to push them away, then immediately we get pulled. See one simple way to understand what has a powerful gravity pull on us is to look at what we think of when we have nothing to think of. Where do our thoughts go to when we are idle? That will indicate which objects exert a powerful gravity pull on us.
So that is the second point, that different objects, they all exert their gravity pull on us and depending on how much we have indulged in them, that much greater becomes their gravity pull. And because of that gravity pull, it is often difficult to resist it. So any reflections about this? Yes, please.
So again, this is a big question. It is a question rather than a comment. And I will answer it later in the last part.
But briefly I will say that, first thing is be kind to yourself. Be kind and understanding with yourself. Not understanding in the sense of just licensing us and this is the way I am and this is the way I want to stay.
But do not need to beat ourselves down if we are pulled down. To understand we are pulled down because of that gravity pull. And in general, if we can find something else that pulls us in another direction, that engages us, that absorbs us, then we can minimize the pull.
But that pull will be there. And then if somebody has that pull, they have to be more cautious. Say somebody is an alcoholic, then even that person, I was actually at an interfaith meeting and there were representatives of Christianity, Islam and all other religions.
So naturally they were serving drinks also over there. The other religious, even priests take drinks. But there was this Christian, I think a Methodist, he was not even touching it.
In fact, he walked a long distance away from it. I was just talking with him. He said that actually I was alcoholic and when I was down in the dumps because of the alcohol, that’s when I turned towards God.
So now, I absolutely don’t go near it. So he, everybody else may take it, but he doesn’t take it. So if we are particularly vulnerable to something, then we have to be especially cautious about it.
We can’t be averse to it. We can’t condemn others doing it because we don’t control others. But if we have certain vulnerabilities, then we have to be cautious about it.
Thank you. Sorry for troubling you. Any other reflection about this gravity pull? Yes, please.
Which, well, I wouldn’t go to that extreme. That we think of something which makes our character, I would say that often makes the lower extreme of our character. It is a part of us, but that is not necessarily us.
What we say, do in private, or what we do when we are idle, or what we do that we hide from others, that is a part of us. But I wouldn’t say that that is the real us. That is a part of us.
And sometimes that can be serious, that has to be dealt with. And it will affect our character also, but it will affect one part of us. If that is what starts consuming our whole life, then it becomes much more of a serious problem.
But otherwise, it is a part of us, and it is a problematic part of us. Yes. Yes, of course.
The circumstances affect, definitely. It is, as I said, how we have indulged in the past is one factor. But that is only one factor.
Just like, say, somebody from here, if they go to Canada, and they start living among Canadians, maybe after six months, they will also be mad about ice hockey. Because our association does affect us. So the gravity pull, so the gravity pull of objects is determined, not just by the objects themselves, but also by the association of people.
One way I put it is that our desires are not just linear, they’re also triangular. That means it’s not just that we see an object, and we desire to enjoy it. It’s also if we see that object, and we see somebody else enjoying that object, what’s there? Let me find out.
So many people, they themselves may never drink, but they’re social drinkers. The other people, everybody’s drinking, I don’t want to be the odd person now, so they drink. But next day, there are people who are gambling, then they become social gamblers.
So it’s basically like the association also does affect us a lot. The kind of people we are, the kind of situation we are in, that also affects us. But when the desire, or when the behavior is situational, it’s not so much of, you could say, irresistible gravity.
And the situational pull is there, and we may not resist it. But that may not be irresistible. So if tomorrow, if that same, it’s not that every time we go in that situation, we may gamble.
Somebody, you say, goes to Las Vegas once, they say, oh, Las Vegas, I want to know what it is. I want to go, they will go and gamble. But I was in Las Vegas, I did some programs there.
So they said that actually, gambling is so dangerous, and everybody knows that it’s so dangerous, that the residents of Las Vegas have among the least gambling rates in America. So they invite all Americans and all people from the world to gamble. But they themselves don’t gamble so much.
So they make all arrangements. In fact, it’s paradoxical. And they say Las Vegas is one of the, for people staying there, it’s a very safe city.
But for people visiting there, it is not very safe. They may lose everything over there. So if they are not tempted by that, if they’re not indulging that repeatedly, you’d be at situation also may not pull them.
Situation is one factor, but it’s our indulgence that makes the gravity pull stronger and stronger. So, okay, is this question or comments? Is question or comment? Okay. Yeah, why do some people get into indulgence, some don’t? I feel one major reason is, that person doesn’t have, the person who indulges is the person who doesn’t have a healthy way to deal with discomfort.
So the factor one. So if the other person has a healthy way to deal with discomfort, then they will not gravitate towards it. That’s a good point.
Sometimes we are extremely happy or sometimes extremely unhappy. Yes. What happens is when we are in extreme emotion, then we put aside our reason.
And at that time, we might just lower our guards completely. One of the lessons from the Ramayana, I have written a book on the Ramayana. So one of the lessons is that, Dashrath Maharaj, he promises three times, whatever you want, I’ll give you.
In the name of Ram, whatever you want, I’ll give you. Now Ram is my life. And in the name of my life, I will give you whatever you want.
And he makes this promise because he’s so happy that Ram is going to become the prince, regent and the king. So he said, when you’re extremely happy, you can give gifts, but don’t give promises. So because gift is a one-time interaction, but a promise can be held against us lifelong.
Thank you. You had some comment? Correct. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay. Sometimes we go towards that which is easily available.
Yes, that is definitely true. Because it’s not that we are entirely like programming machines. So we do have free will.
And sometimes if something, some particular pleasure is more easily available than the other, then we might choose that. So say somebody likes to just surf on the net. But if there’s no net over there, then they might just surf on their computer only.
I find some movie. I find some novel. I find this.
I find that. And they try to read that. So or they might look at their own physical library and read something over there or take a physical cassette and watch it on there or whatever.
So there are different ways one might do based on what is available. So the principle there is that basically if we do something repeatedly, it pulls us more and more. But if the situation is not providing a facility, then two things may happen.
So we might just find some other way to escape the discomfort or we might just do anything and everything to get over that situation. It depends on how strong, how strongly we are pulled towards it. So let’s move to the third point now.
The first point was that the world keeps making us uncomfortable. And if we don’t possess the discomfort properly, we go towards illusion. Second point was that if we indulge in a particular activity or object, it starts pulling us more and more.
The third is so the nature of the world, the nature of the sense objects and third is the nature of the mind. Now we may say the attachment is in the mind itself. So is it that the object that is pulling us or is the mind rushing towards it? It’s both ways.
But here I’m talking about the mind. I’m talking about something specifically. The mind can have many different aspects to how it behaves.
But the mind often acts like an inner discourager. The mind discourages us. What does it mean? That suppose say we resolve, OK, I’m not going to do this.
And then as soon as you make a resolution, the mind starts saying, we’re not going to be able to do it. You’re not going to be able to do it. You’re not going to be able to do it.
And then eventually when you succumb, it says, see, I told you, you are not going to be able to do it. I proved right. And next time, don’t even try it.
So the mind is constantly speaking and the mind is internally discouraging us. So the nature of the mind is to interpret failure negatively. Failure is an event.
But to interpret failure negatively means to think that failure is not just an event. It is our perpetual condition. This is how you are.
And this is how you are going to be. So because the mind keeps discouraging us, therefore, we often lose heart. We just lose our desire, lose our will, lose our spirits.
And this inner discourager, it actually gets justification. It gets justification. Firstly, I’ll talk about this in three different ways.
First is with respect to discomfort. When the discomfort comes, this should not be happening to you. You should not be feeling like this.
This is so unpleasant. So the mind often makes the discomfort seem far bigger than what it is. So suppose sometimes, one discomfort I forgot to mention is boredom.
Most people get bored. In fact, there’s a survey done of young healthy people, healthy, reasonably wealthy, healthy, reasonably wealthy people in the developed world. They found 5% of the time, people are happy.
5% of the time, people are unhappy. And 90% people are bored. So most of the entertainment industry is actually a boredom industry.
The anti-boredom industry, you could say. Because people are bored, so they desperately seek entertainment. Now, boredom is not pleasant.
But boredom is not a disaster. Okay, I’m feeling bored. But the mind, a mind exaggerates the pain of the discomfort.
Boredom will come, it will stay for some time, it will go away, it soon goes. Now you have to do something about it. So the first way the mind deludes us is, it makes the discomfort seem bigger than what it is.
So it’s like, say, sometimes the weather is bad. Sometimes it’s very hot. Sometimes it’s very cold.
Nowadays with climate change happening, recently somebody sent me a message that, that the same day when Chicago had the lowest temperature in the world in recorded history, minus 47 degrees Celsius. At that time, somewhere in Australia, there was 47 degrees Celsius. So extremes.
So now sometimes the weather is very hot. It’s an inconvenience. But some people, just keep complaining.
And it’s like a broken audio player just keeps playing the same track again and again and again and again. Some broken audio players stop, but some broken audio players, you can’t stop them only. They just keep playing, keep playing.
So some people are like that. Just keep repeating. Now after, if suppose you have to live with them or work with them, after sometimes, the heat is not as big a problem as this person’s complaining about it.
So our mind is a chronic complainer. And when discomfort is there, the mind actually just keeps complaining about the discomfort so much that because the mind is complaining, the discomfort appears unbearable. The discomfort itself is okay.
It’s not pleasant again, but it’s okay, manageable, tolerable. But the mind, by its chronic complaining, makes the bearable seem unbearable. That’s how the mind pushes us towards some unhealthy response and discomfort.
That’s one way the mind eludes us. The second way the mind deludes us is by making the escape way seem very easy. So why do you have to bear this when you can do this? Why do you have to stay bored when you can just surf on the net? Why do you have to feel lonely when you can just watch some movies and get to watch this and watch that and get some entertainment, get some whatever.
So the mind makes you think, first of all, this is unbearable. And why do you have to do this when this is so easily available? So the mind actually has a very selective memory. Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita that sensual pleasures, how do they taste in the beginning and how do they taste in the end? Does anyone remember? Sweet in the beginning, bitter or poisonous in the end.
In 18.38, he says, yathag agre amritopamam pariname vishamiva tatsukham rajasamsrutam The contact of senses in the sense of objects, they give some pleasure. But that is delicious in the beginning. But it is horrible in the end.
It’s like somebody drinks. When they drink, they go high and they feel so good about it. But after that, they make a fool of themselves and then they get a hangover.
Hangovers can be very painful. It can be like splitting headache people feel. So now, next time when the fortunate drink comes, the mind remembers only the high, not the hangover.
So because of the selective memory, the mind thinks, this is so uncomfortable and this is so easy. So the mind depicts reality selectively. So in that way, it pushes us towards the unwanted behavior.
And thirdly, as I said, what I said in the beginning is that the mind discourages us when we try to change ourselves. You’ll never be able to do it. You’ll never be able to do it.
And that’s how. So now, when this sort of portrayal starts coming, either, oh, this is so uncomfortable. This is so enjoyable.
This is so easily enjoyable. Changing yourself is so difficult. When we start feeling like this, we need to identify.
This is the mind speaking. So rather than getting discouraged by it, we identify this is the mind speaking. As soon as suppose, if we make a resolution and then, I will not be able to keep this.
When that thought comes in our mind, one easy way to deal with it is that attribute every thought to the mind first. I won’t be able to do it. Just before that, put the mind is saying, the mind is saying, I won’t be able to do it.
Now, sometimes it may be true also. If somebody tells me to lift a 50 kg suitcase, well, I won’t be able to do it. It’s true.
But if somebody tells me to lift a 10 kg weight, I can’t lift it. That is not true. So when we attribute something to the mind, doesn’t mean that we reject it.
But rather we process it. So whenever any such thought comes in, this is so unbearable. The mind is saying, this is so unbearable.
As soon as we just do this, what happens is we evaluate it. This is so easily enjoyable. The mind is saying, then we will evaluate it.
So this is a habit that we need to cultivate. And sometimes, even in our normal course of action, we can do this. When we do our japa, at that time, the mind wanders here, there and everywhere.
And sometimes we feel this japa is simply a waste of time. I’m not able to fix my mind on Krishna. Yes, we’re not able to fix the mind on Krishna.
But even in that time, we become aware that there is this mind thing inside me and this mind is distracting me. So awareness of the mind is also a step forward in self-realization. So even if we don’t become conscious of Krishna, if we become conscious of the mind also, then also we are making spiritual advancement.
That means what? That when the mind starts wandering, instead of wandering with the mind, okay, the mind wandered over there. Just get it back. And even if it goes back in the next moment, but still, actually the japa time is a very good time to at least learn to attribute our distractions to the mind.
And if we do that, then that will be able to do it at other times also. So the nature of the mind is to make change more difficult for us. By making the discomfort seem unbearable, by making the escape way seem very easy and by making us seem incompetent or willless.
So by that way, the mind makes change very difficult. So this is the third point, the nature of the mind. Any reflections on this? Yes, definitely.
The mind is affected by what we have done in the past, which includes this life as well as the previous life. So broadly speaking, to combine the points which we are all discussing, how we behave, it is determined by our past karma, by our upbringing, by our association, by our free will and by Krishna’s grace. These five factors.
By past karma itself, some people, they, some children also, even if you deal with children, each child is different. All children cry, but some children cry in a way they will bring the whole house down. Some children cry and they need attention, but it is not that tumultuous.
So each child is different. So that is for the past karma. So past karma, our upbringing, say, if somebody grew up in a house where the only way they saw problems being resolved was people yelling at each other.
Then, when they grow up, the only way to solve the problem is by yelling at each other. But if somebody grew up in a house where people never yelled at each other in public. They may fight, but the parents always kept their fights away from the children.
Parents are always cultured and respectful. The children also grow up. Then, this is not the way to behave in public.
So this is not. So what happens? Our behavior is shaped by our past life’s karma. Not just our behavior, our tendency to behave in particular ways also.
So all these three, our past life karma, our upbringing, our association, all of them pushes in particular directions. And still we have three wills by which we can counter-push. And then last point is Krishna’s grace.
That I’ll be talking on the fourth point. Any other comments? Yeah, okay. So if we treat our mind like an inbox where many mails are coming in.
So we need to put the junk mail in the junk folder. But how do we know whether it is a junk? Yes, that’s why I said that it’s good to attribute whatever comes in our consciousness to the mind first. Then that will inspire us to evaluate it.
So some amount of intelligence is required to evaluate. And gradually, as our intelligence becomes sharper and sharper, then we do that kind of junking faster and faster. Say, suppose we are passing by a bar.
And maybe in the past, we might have gone to the bar before we were practicing bhakti or whatever. And then some people when they pass by a bar, they actually look back. You know, keep looking over there, but they can go inside.
But now if you understand that, okay, I don’t want to look in that direction. So even if we look in that direction, don’t look, we look a little bit and we look away. We look straight ahead.
After some time, we don’t even look in that direction. So over a period of time, certain things we are able to junk more easily. But what happens is that just like if you consider certain artificial, certain intelligence learning modules, say if we click a link once on say Google, then that like if you are surfing some site and there’s a Google ad which comes up, you click on one Google ad, then on all other sites, you will see that or similar ads coming up.
So like that what happens? Anything which we open up, that keeps coming more and more. But something you don’t open, then gradually it starts going to the junk faster and faster. Actually, we do at a subconscious level also, junk many thoughts.
Because at the same time, so many thoughts are coming in. Say right now, I’m speaking, someone else is also speaking. Now, if that is your child or that is your friend, then you will be interested.
But otherwise, although that sound is coming in, you don’t focus on that. So what are we doing? It is coming in, but we are putting it aside. So we actually are good at processing and focusing.
We don’t consciously junk other things. When we focus on one thing, the other thing automatically going to junk. And we do that, but we can do it more conscientiously also.
So, okay. Okay. Yeah, good question.
So if some activities seem to be like a waste of time, or a waste of time, but at that time, we feel it’s very urgent and very important also. Then how do we train ourselves? We learn by experience. That means that time, we might just spend a lot of time on it, but afterwards, that was a waste of time.
So next time, we are little more cautious. Say if we drive on unfamiliar road, and we drive fast, and suddenly there’s a pothole, we get jolted. That time, we just didn’t know better.
But next time when we go along that road, we are little more cautious. So similarly, if we look back and see, that was the time when I wasted my time. So then, it’s a little, we can become more alert about it.
So in general, one principle is that, the greater the structure we have for our life, the lesser the rupture the mind will cause in our life. I’ll repeat this. The greater the structure we have in our life, the lesser the rupture the mind will cause in our life.
But structure means, say, if I wake up in the morning, and it’s a working day for me. So even if I turn on my phone, and I start reading this, browsing this, browsing that, okay, in an hour, I have to go to work. Because the structure is there for me, I’ll not waste unlimited amount of time.
Of course, it’s never unlimited, but huge amount of time. But suppose, it’s a off day for me. I have nothing binding to do.
Then, what happens is, I wake up and start browsing. And then I keep browsing, and keep browsing, and keep browsing. May spend 8-10 hours on it.
May be one link, and another link, and another link, and it just goes on and on. So, in general, if we create structures in our life, those structures will ensure that we don’t get too distracted. So, we cannot, we don’t want our life, life to be like completely rigidly structured.
It depends on how our nature is. Some people like it very structured, some people like it less structured. But some structure is required.
There was a, there’s a famous author. He, he also, he was a school teacher, and he became a famous author. And after he became an author, he still continued as a teacher.
And then, when once his interview was being done, so they asked him, see you are, you write such great books. You’re a world famous author. Why are you still working as a teacher? Won’t you have more time if you don’t work as a teacher? So, he replied that if I don’t work as a teacher, I’ll have no time for it.
It’s paradoxical. It’s ironic. But what he meant is that in writing, it’s also my experience that when you have finite time for writing, I know, okay, today evening I had to go for a program.
So, I have one hour, two hours to write. Then, I will use that time to write. But if I know, next whole week, I have no programs.
So, next whole week, I have available for writing. Then, maybe I’ll read this. Maybe I’ll do research for this.
Maybe I’ll do this. Maybe I’ll do that. And at the end of the whole week, I’ll find I have written nothing.
So, the writing requires some amount of creativity and inspiration. But still, there also some structure is needed. So, often we feel that, oh, when I have enough peace of mind, enough free time, then I will focus on chanting.
Then I will focus on studying scripture. Yes, if you get it, it’s good. But sometimes when we get that, we may not do anything.
So, the point I’m making here is that we try to create some structures by which even if you get diverted, you don’t get diverted for too long. Another thing is that if we’re not sure whether something is valuable or not, like suppose somebody sometimes, somebody sends us a video on YouTube or on WhatsApp or whatever. Now, it’s one or two minutes, we might just watch it immediately.
But if it’s 25-30 minutes, then we might just decide to put it instead of yes or no, we just put it later. And then if it’s truly important, we’ll remember. Let me look at it.
If it’s not important, we just leave it. So, one thing is having structure so that we don’t indulge too much in it, get too distracted. The second is just delay it for some time.
Because when something comes up immediately, at that time, there is the excitement of newness over there. So, at that time, it is a little difficult to analytically process it. But if you just defer it, then it becomes easier to evaluate it more objectively.
So, let’s move to the last point now. What was the last point? Nature of Krishna. So, now, Krishna also has his gravity.
But, unfortunately, if we don’t have bhakti, we don’t feel much of that gravity. We may go towards Krishna and somebody who doesn’t have any faith in deity worship, somebody is saying this is just a stone image. They may go in front of the deities.
Why do these people spend so much time and energy and money on decorating dolls? They may feel no devotion at all. But somebody who has bhakti, somebody has shraddha and bhakti, faith and devotion, when they go in front of the deities, Krishna is so beautiful. So, Krishna also has a gravity pull.
But we may or may not feel that gravity. Now, one thing is that Krishna is always with us. Whether we feel his presence or not, whether we feel attraction for him or not, he is always with us.
And Krishna wants us to change ourselves for the better. So, in this battle to change ourselves, our mind may discourage us, the objects may pull us, life may put us in discomfort again and again. But Krishna is always with us.
Krishna wants us to win this. Krishna wants us to succeed. He is surudham sarva-bhutanam.
He is the well-wisher of all. And to the extent we connect with Krishna. See, Krishna’s mercy is reciprocal, but it is not necessarily proportional.
Reciprocal means that when we do something… So, this is not reciprocal now. This is disproportional. So, was it coming? Okay.
So, Krishna is reciprocal. That means, although Krishna is omnipotent and Krishna is all-attractive, but Krishna doesn’t intervene forcefully in our life. Krishna wants to see whether we want to change.
Now, Krishna is reciprocal in that sense that when we show him by our actions that we do want to change, then Krishna will reciprocate. But otherwise, Krishna says, if you don’t want me to interfere in your life, I will not. I won’t force myself on you.
However, when Krishna reciprocates, Krishna is reciprocal, but he is not necessarily proportional. One way we say it is that we take one step towards God and what happens? He takes 10 steps, maybe 100 steps. He takes so many steps towards us.
Of course, sometimes it may appear to us we are taking 100 steps and Krishna is not taking even one step. We feel, I am doing so much, Krishna is not doing anything. But that’s why Krishna is doing, often he is doing in the old way.
But what happens is, it’s reciprocal, but it’s not always proportional. It’s not that say, somebody else chanted 16 rounds and they feel so peaceful. I chanted 16 rounds, I’m actually feeling so agitated.
I’m feeling so bored, empty. So Krishna is not, Krishna’s mercy doesn’t function in a mathematical way. It’s a personal relationship.
So that’s why sometimes we may not sense it. But Krishna is always with us and he’s always for us. He’s with us, inside us, and he’s not there to catch us when we are doing wrong.
Hey, I caught you, you did this wrong, now we’ll get this punishment for this. Krishna is not there to catch us when we do wrong. Krishna is there to catch us when we fall, to lift us up, to shelter us.
So Krishna is present inside, not as a cop. He’s present inside as a coach. A cop is there to, hey, you caught it, now I’ll give this fine.
Now I’ll give this ticket. Suppose say we are learning driving. At that time, if we just, in the early days, and we go over the speed limit, or we go on the wrong side, the cop will catch us.
The cop will penalize us. But if there’s somebody coaching us in driving, then that coach, hey, don’t do like this. Both, the purpose is the same, but the process is very different.
So Krishna is not like a cop, he’s like a coach. And as a coach, he is there to help. Now, we, for us, the most important thing is to try to put ourselves in the gravity pull of Krishna.
We can’t suddenly change the gravity pull of the objects that we are experiencing. That’s where past behavior that happened is going to come. We can’t even change the discomfort that life will send our way.
They’ll keep coming. We can’t even change the mind is repeatedly distracting and discouraging behavior. But what we can do is put ourselves in Krishna’s gravity pull.
That means that try to do things which connect us with Krishna. Now, we, of course, have standard practices of bhakti like chanting, associating, and worshiping. These are important.
But within these also, we try to find out something which specifically attracts us towards Krishna. For some of us, it might be kirtan. For some of us, it might be just verses recited here.
Recite some verses. For some of us, it might just be, you know, going in front of the, looking at a picture of the deities and praying to them. For some of us, it might be hearing some classes of some, some, but not just classes, but some classes of some particular devotee.
For some of us, it might be, maybe making some dresses for the deities. Whatever it is. So, what we’re trying to do over here is that we try to find out what particular activity takes us towards Krishna naturally.
Krishna is all attractive, but we may not find him all attractive right now. But we may find some manifestation of Krishna attractive. So, we find that and we develop that.
When we develop that, I’ll conclude now, with how this can help us to deal with all three. So, when we get discomfort, at that time, it’s not easy to tolerate it. And we will gravitate.
So, this discomfort is coming from here and we’ll gravitate towards the unwanted behavior. So, now, if we regularly as a discipline, do something that connects us with Krishna, then that can become our way to deal with discomfort. So, if I just feel bored, I feel lonely, I feel frustrated, then just maybe pick up a harmonium and start playing something.
Just start hearing something. And not just something by someone, just hear something which specifically nourishes us. By that, we develop a healthier way to deal with the discomfort.
So, the discomfort is there, but instead of unhealthy reaction, we have a healthy response to it. And we have to find out what the particular healthy response will be for. Secondly, now the gravity pull of the object that is there, whichever particular behavior or action that we are doing, then we can’t change it immediately.
But still, if we practice Bhakti, the practice of Bhakti is such that it purifies us. Now, purification means that the impure starts seeming impure to us. See, as long as we are impure, as long as we are impure, the impure doesn’t seem impure.
For an alcoholic, alcohol doesn’t seem bad. But for somebody who is sober, you understand? So, when we start practicing Bhakti, because Krishna is all pure, we start getting purified. And purification means, it’s not necessarily intellectual analysis, this is bad for me.
My intellectual analysis is good, we need that. But as you become purified, even without intellectual analysis, you say, I don’t want to do this. Say, some of us might have been eating meat in the past, and we might have been attracted to meat in the past.
But now, if you practice Bhakti for some time, initially, it might have been difficult. How can I live without meat? But now, say, if you’re traveling in a train or a plane, and somebody next to us is eating meat, we may not even feel at all tempted. So, what has happened? So, purification means that the gravity pull itself disappears.
So, right now, what happens is, that if we just see, okay, I am here and this object is here. This behavior is, how can I give it up? So, if we just look at ourselves and that object, that object’s gravity pull will seem irresistible. But when you practice Krishna Bhakti, that object’s gravity pull itself will decrease.
So, rather than trying to resist the gravity pull, we do have to do that, but rather than focusing our energy on that, we focus our energy on connecting with Krishna. And that connection with Krishna will purify, so that the gravity pull will not push us so much. And not only that, even the mind, the mind itself gradually starts experiencing.
The mind, that, that Krishna is nice, Krishna is enjoyable, Krishna is relishable. The mind has been going for so long in the past, seeking pleasure here, there, there, everywhere. And the mind has already experienced that, actually, things don’t give all that much pleasure.
So, what happens? The mind has developed a habitual restlessness. That’s why many times when people are, say, watching some, say, surfing on the net. Say, they’re watching one YouTube video, they’re watching it, and they’re also looking, what are the related videos? Because they already know, you know, okay, yeah, this will get over, this is not that enjoyable, maybe there’s something more, more enjoyable.
So, our mind is on a perpetual restless mode, with this, next, with this, next, with this, next, with this, next. So, because of that perpetual restless mode, even when it comes to Krishna, and actually, Krishna consciousness is nice, but, it comes to Krishna, okay, do it a little bit, what’s next now? Let’s go to something else. But if we just keep connecting ourselves with Krishna, gradually, the mind also starts, why do we need to go over? So, that transformation of the mind, when it happens, then the inner struggle goes down substantially.
That’s when Krishna says, the mind becomes our friend. Prashanta vanasam yenam yoginam sukham uttamam, upaiti shanata rajasam, brahma bhutam kalmasam. The mind becomes peaceful, the rajas, that is agitating the mind, and then, we become joyful.
Sukhamatyam tikam yatham, ultimate happiness we start experiencing. So, that will happen by the process of Krishna bhakti. So, Krishna bhakti is not just about some rituals, we go to a temple and hear some katha, or do some puja, yes, all that is there.
But there is a profound power over there, for transforming ourselves. And, whatever little willpower we have, whatever little determination we have, instead of trying to combat the unwanted behavior, we concentrate that energy on connecting ourselves with Krishna, on committing ourselves to connect with Krishna. When we do that, that will automatically have the effect of weakening the unwanted behavior.
And, even if that unwanted behavior doesn’t weaken, still, we stay connected with Krishna. Because, for some people, their gravity pull might be very strong, and it may take a long time. For somebody, they might just be able to give it up in one day.
But for some people, it may take months or years. That doesn’t mean that bhakti is not working for them. Bhakti is working.
So, if we just focus our energy on connecting ourselves with Krishna, then Krishna will actually propel us in transforming ourselves. And, by His grace, what may seem impossible now, will become gradually possible. And, eventually, it will become not only possible, but it will even become relishable.
Because, okay, giving this up is difficult. After some time, not only give it up, why was I ever doing that? My life is free now. It’s so joyful.
So, that’s how Krishna bhakti will dramatically transform us. So, by knowing the nature of Krishna, the nature of Krishna is that He’s always with us, He’s always for us, and He is capable of bringing about transformations that we ourselves can’t. He can give us a healthier response to discomfort.
He can decrease the gravity pull of the worldly objects. He can change the mind’s complaining, discouraging nature. So, instead of trying to fight each of these battles separately, we focus on fighting to connect ourselves with Krishna.
And then, He will fight all these battles for us, or He will empower us to fight these battles for us. And then, for us, success in that journey of inner transformation will become eminently achievable and relishable. So, thank you very much.
I’ll quickly summarize. So, I spoke today on the topic of how my transforming ourselves is so difficult, and how bhakti helps us to do so. I talked about four main points.
What are the first points? Nature of the world. The world keeps making us uncomfortable. And if we are not comfortable with being uncomfortable, then we go towards damaging responses.
So, most people who fall to bad habits, it’s often because they just can’t bear discomfort. And today’s world, which makes us feel that everybody is happy, makes us think that discomfort is unnatural. And that’s why we rush towards unwanted responses.
And so, if we learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, then we will not rush toward that responses. Second was, nature of the sense objects. That they exert a gravity pull on us.
And depending on how much you have indulged in the past, they may exert a far stronger gravity pull. So, rather than condemning somebody because they’re succumbing, or condemning ourselves because they’re succumbing, we understand that there is a gravity pull and that may be variable. So, we have to create support for ourselves to protect ourselves.
So, to understand where the gravity pull is the most for us, we can look at what we do when we have nothing to do. This can make us more empathic and understanding, kind to ourselves. Third was, nature of the mind.
The mind makes discomfort seem unbearable. It is like a chronic complainer. And the mind makes indulgence seem so easy.
The mind has selective memory by which it forgets, say, it remembers the high of drinking, but forgets the pain of the hangover. So, that selective memory is dangerous. And the mind is a discourager.
It says, you will not be able to do it. And then it says, see, I told you, you couldn’t do it. So, we need to turn away from the mind.
One way to do it is to attribute our every thought first to the mind. It’s unbearable. The mind is saying, this is unbearable.
And the last point was the nature of Krishna. So, Krishna is with us and for us. And Krishna, he is, he wants, he is reciprocal, but he’s not always proportional.
And reciprocal means he will help us if we show him by our actions that we want help. And what we do is, we find out how we can place ourselves in Krishna’s gratitude. Find out something in Krishna Bhakti by which we can connect with him.
And by that, three things will happen. That can become the healthy way for us to deal with discomfort. If we do it habitually, then instead of gravitating towards the unwanted behavior, we move towards Krishna.
And secondly, as Krishna purifies us, the gravity pull of the sense object themselves will decrease. And then as we stay connected with Krishna and the mind also experiences Krishna as joyful, and the mind’s perpetual restless mode will shut down. And then the mind will start helping us in focusing on Krishna.
And in this way, when the mind becomes our friend, then what seemed impossible. If we try to fight all these three battles, tolerate the discomfort ourselves, resist the sense objects ourselves, you know, silence the mind ourselves, this will be very difficult. But if we just concentrate our energy on connecting with Krishna, then Krishna will empower us to fight these battles.
And that which seemed impossible will become not only possible, but even relishable. Thank you very much. Hare Krishna.
So, we have time for questions. Any questions? Yes, please. Anyone who has not asked till now? Okay.
Can you give an example? Okay, that’s true. Sometimes we need downtime. But during that downtime, we may do some things which may waste our time also, which may not be positively constructive.
That’s why it’s good to plan out what could be a healthy downtime. So, again, it depends on person to person. So, somebody was, say, hooked to reading news in the past.
For them, they might spend hours and hours reading it. But somebody in the past also was not so interested in politics or sports or this or that. And then they read for a few minutes and move on.
So, we have to find out where we are vulnerable and avoid doing that as a relaxing activity. It may not be a harmful activity, but it may take us too much of our time. And if something stimulates us, then doing that can rejuvenate us.
So, it requires self-observation. There is no standard list that this is what you should do and this is what you should not do. We can also classify it as, I broadly talk about devotional activities.
But you can also classify material activities in sattva, rajas and tamas. So, suppose somebody just says, I’ll go for a walk, maybe a brisk walk or a jog. So, that is, you could say, in sattva.
That might be healthy and that might be relaxing also. So, we have to find out what is some activity that works for us. And it will vary from person to person.
And if it is not directly devotional activity, it can be, if it is sattvic activity, it is not in rajas or tamas, sattva, that is also good. So, yuktaahara vihaar, as Krishna says, do it in regulation. So, if somebody does not believe in Krishna and does not want to connect with Krishna, how can we help them deal with these three things? Yes, it is a challenge.
Now, at least understanding how things are happening and explaining it in an objective way can equip them. It may not be the best equipment, but it is some equipment. So, there are many people who may transform themselves even without necessarily becoming devotional.
There are de-addiction programs. Now, many people relapse, but some people do change. So, now, I was talking with a de-addiction expert.
He said that, when I was in that seminar, that conference, he said that, just by being with a person for about some time, you know, a few hours, I can make out whether this person is going to succeed or not. So, I asked him, how do you do that? He said, I look at the, I sense the overall vibrations. And in 90 percent, I am successful.
My predictions are successful. Who is going to succeed, who is not going to succeed. But still, we try to offer support to everyone.
So, now, in these kind of programs, they often have to be secular because it is government funded and stuff like that. Of course, sometimes they, if the person chooses according to their faith, it is okay. But the doctor cannot prescribe anything.
So, the point is that, even if we can get people to sattva, that, to the mode of goodness, that also helps. That may not, there is pacification of the mind and there is purification of the mind. Purification happens by bhakti.
But pacification can happen just by sattva also. So, the mind becomes a little clear, the mind becomes a little calm. So, there is meditating, just deep breathing.
That can just calm the mind down. So, in general, it is this whole, this three-point analytical structure, we explain to them. And then, help them see, okay, this is the discomfort you are experiencing.
And you find out some healthier way to respond to discomfort. Maybe they might like to read some, just read some, not necessarily spiritual books, but some good books. They might like to listen to some good music.
So, instead of taking their substance, when you are having drug, when you are feeling discomfort, try to do this. So, we can try to give them a way to cope with discomfort that is healthier and acceptable for them. Similarly, when we understand that the gravity pull is strong for them, then it is better that we help them, or at least help them understand that you need obstacles.
What do you mean? Who says, who needs obstacles, you know? You want to remove obstacles. But, for us, if we are indulged, if we are habituated to indulging in something, then obstacles deter us. Say somebody is an alcoholic, and their house is right next to a bar.
Then, it is almost impossible for them to actually ever give up alcohol. They may have to take a house far away from the bar. Then, oh, I have to drive 10 minutes to get to the bar.
Now, during that 10 minutes, they may get into the car and start driving also. It is just 10 minutes, not worth it. That intelligence may come back.
So, when the urges come, and the gravity pull comes, the gravity pull of the objects is not constant. Constantly that high. Maybe there is constantly, but its intensity is not the same always.
For a few moments, it comes very strong, and if at that moment somehow we can resist it, then it decreases afterwards. So, if we can help them create some obstacles, help them understand, you have this gravity pull, and you try to create what obstacle could it be. Say, if somebody has a tendency to surf on the net too much, then maybe have some net filters, maybe have some plan that you will not keep your, have some program with a password with someone else, that you cannot surf on the net for more than two hours or whatever, basically one hour or whatever.
So, then, help them to see that when, what happens for many people, they feel as if it is their character flaw. You think I don’t have enough willpower? And they often take it as an insult. You think I can’t do it? It’s not a matter of you can’t or I can’t.
It’s a matter of for you the gravity pull is there. So, if we help them see it in a non-judgmental way, it’s rather than thinking of that person as, they may think as will-less. It is not, they are not, they are not will-less, they are weapon-less.
Just, they don’t have a weapon. If the gravity is pulling you down, what can, what can willpower do? You just get pulled down. So, if this phone is not to pull down, it has to have some support.
So, we help them create some obstacle. So, that’s the second thing. And third is, if they can have somebody whom they closely trust, who can counter the mind’s negativity.
When the minds are saying, you can’t give it up, you can’t give it up, they need that you can talk with someone else. This in addiction terminology, they call it accountability partner. Accountability partner means that somebody to whom you are accountable.
It’s best if you can contact them, when you get the urge to do a particular thing, just contact them. They call them or message them or whatever. And they try as much as possible to be available.
And it’s a few words also talking with them, hearing them speak something, some encouragement, some inspiration, some caution, that can, that can protect us. But even if they indulge, an accountability partner has to be non-judgmental, non-condemning basically. Okay, this happened.
I understand. They help at least needing to admit to that person that, oh, I did, I did this, that it says, okay, you know, I feel so bad, this person will feel bad about me. It’s not worth it.
So I feel this third factor, if somebody can have that much trust, they have even one person they can trust that much. That can be a big, big factor. But often the problem is that people don’t admit that they have a problem.
And people don’t trust the other person so much. So then we have to slowly earn their trust. So maybe helping them just okay, you don’t want to talk with someone else.
But what are the negativity that your mind speaks and how you could counter that same thing, one way to deal with it is that whatever negativity our mind tells us, if somebody else were telling it to us, you know, somebody is having that issue and they come to you and they tell you, okay, I’m not able to give this up. See, all of us are expert advisors. When it is meant to give advice to others.
And it is not that it’s foolish or senseless, you know, do this, don’t do this, you can do this. So we use that for ourselves. That means, okay, if you feel I will never be able to give this up, or you might be saying it’s no big deal.
If somebody else came to you and said, it’s no big deal, what would you tell them? And then write them down. So what would be the mind’s discouraging messages and our own countering encouraging messages, just write them down. The mind’s misleading messages and our intelligence corrective messages, the intelligence will not be able to remember and function at that time.
So we need to write it down. So write it down. Now, it may not be spiritual directly, because they’re not interested in spirituality, but just their own, something based on their own self confidence, their own understanding of life.
So help them have those messages. Then that can help them to counter the mind also. Thank you.
Hare Krishna. You had a question? Okay, thank you. Okay, so the mind tends to procrastinate.
So how can we get the mind to do things? One, there are many different ways and each mind is different. So it’s like one way to deal with the mind is to treat the mind like a child. Each parent has to find how to deal with their child.
And each parent has to find out their two, three children, each child is different also. The same way to pacify one child will not work for the other child. So we have to find out how it works for our child, for our mind, which is like our child.
But overall, it’s good to think big, but start small. You start small and will grow big. So start small means that if you want to do something positive, just what is this, I call it the SS, simple, small step that you can take.
So when we are able to do it, then that gives us confidence, I can do it. So if somebody wants to exercise, from tomorrow, every day, one hour I want to do a workout. And one day we do one hour and then for one year, we don’t do anything after that.
Now one hour may be impossible. One hour may not be sustainable. Okay, what can I do? Okay, I can do one push up every day.
One push up, what is that going to do? Now, can you do one push up? Of course, what is the big deal? Now, small, simple step. See, for us, for us to do anything, you need confidence to do it. And that confidence comes by seeing that we can do something.
So when we start with small, simple steps, then big things also become possible. Instead of thinking, I’ll read the Bhagavatam in one year. I’ll read one page of the Bhagavatam every day.
If I can’t read one page, I’ll read one line. One line! What’s the big deal? No, I just, one line I’ll read. Now one line, anybody can read it.
Even before sleeping on bed, you can just take it on your phone and read one line. What happens by that? We get a sense of success. So if we tie our sense of success to something which is difficult to do, then it becomes almost, then we become more discouraged.
But something which is really easy to do, then even if somehow we’re not able to do it one day, we can make it up on the next day also. So if I decide I want to read one hour every day and three days I don’t read, four days I have to read, four hours, forget it. Not do it only.
So keep it simple. And by that, actually, we can start doing it. So procrastination happens when the mind makes us believe that this is very difficult to do.
This is too unpleasant. This is too difficult. So one way to counter the mind’s procrastinating tendency is to give it something very simple.
So when you give something very simple to do, then that way, as you start getting the taste for doing it, we gradually do it more and more. So there are some things which come in life with deadlines. We just have to do them.
Say like if our job, our family responsibilities, just come to that, we have to do it. But there are many things in life which are important, but they don’t come with deadlines. So then we have to create those deadlines.
So is it that if we over pamper the child, then it becomes difficult? It depends. I wouldn’t say this is pampering. See, again, each child is different.
See how it is, that if somebody is feeling discouraged, at that time they need encouragement. If they did something wrong and they’re feeling discouraged about it, then they need encouragement to be able to do it. But if somebody has done something wrong and they don’t even feel they’ve done anything wrong, then they don’t need encouragement.
They need chastisement at that time. You made a mess of things. This could have been so much worse.
So we have to sense not just what they have done, but what is the mood in which they’re done. So when it’s pampering is when somebody is doing something wrong, and it’s okay. It’s okay.
So they’re not even feeling it is wrong. Then it becomes pampering. So at that time, some amount of chastisement is required.
Lay down the law at that time. This is what you have to do. So there are times when firmness is also required.
So I’m broadly talking about situations where we feel disheartened about doing something. So the mind procrastinates by making us feel this is too difficult to do. Then we make it easy.
And even when I say read one page every day, or one line every day, it’s not that one line is all that we have to read. One line is a rock bottom. And from there, you can read more.
So sometimes the mind needs chastisement. Sometimes the mind needs encouragement. And depending on what is needed in a particular situation, we need to provide that.
So thank you very much.