If others constantly find fault with us, what can we do?
Answer Podcast
Other than finding faults with us, what else do they do?
We shouldn’t overvalue those who devalue us. Yes, we all have faults, and sometimes those faults need to be pointed out. But we also need encouragement to practice bhakti. Bhakti is voluntary, and if faults are constantly being highlighted, it can drain our inspiration to practice it. Anyone offering correction should also provide encouragement.
They should say, “This is not right, but you can improve.” If someone only points out faults without offering support—even if their intentions are good—their execution is lacking. It’s like performing surgery without anesthesia. Yes, surgery may be necessary, but it should be done with care. Similarly, correction should come with compassion.
At times, we may need to keep a distance from those who are constantly critical. If the person is a spiritual mentor, counselor, or someone in a guiding role, then it’s essential to sit down and have an honest conversation with them. Share your heart openly. If you genuinely want to improve but their approach is discouraging, it’s okay to say, “This is becoming too much.”
Just like Dhruva had an honest negotiation with Narada Muni—he respectfully said, “I can’t do this.” In spiritual life, an ideal is meant to uplift and reform us. But if an ideal causes more regret than transformation, then maybe we need a more attainable, intermediate goal. Either we seek that from the same authority or find someone else who can offer that guidance.
We need to associate with those who value us. Accept constructive criticism, but don’t overvalue negative opinions. We may not be able to stop others from criticizing us, but we can choose how much weight we give their words.
Some people will never understand or appreciate us—and that’s okay. Even in bhakti, while maintaining a service attitude, we must also protect ourselves from approval addiction—that constant need for others’ validation. Some people may never approve of us, no matter what we do. In such cases, it’s healthy to keep some distance and instead focus on those who genuinely value and encourage us.
As someone who gives classes, I’ve experienced this too. There are always some devotees who never appreciate what I say. I remember one place where a devotee sat in the front row, glaring at me throughout the class. I had to stop looking at him because it made me so uncomfortable. Of course, I’m open to constructive feedback, but I can’t let someone like that dominate my focus.
Instead, I choose to look at those in the audience who are responsive, who are listening and processing. I direct my energy toward them.
So again: Value those who value you. Don’t overvalue those who devalue you. That way, we can stay inspired and keep progressing.