Is the amount of grieving on the death of a loved one inversely proportional to one’s spiritual advancement?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

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Can the amount of grief on the death of a loved one be said to be inversely proportional to the level of spiritual advancement? Because once one understands that one is not the body but the soul in one’s eternal relationship with Krishna, one will not be so emotionally invested in other relationships and won’t feel the loss that much. Answer, it’s possible but may not be essential that the more advanced a person is, the less they will grieve because multiple reasons.
First is that we all have a particular kind of body and a particular kind of mind. So say some bodies are more vulnerable to cold than others. Some people when the temperature drops a little bit they immediately need to wear warm clothes or they start trembling and they start getting cold and others into other characters of ill health.
If they become spiritually advanced will the nature of their body change? Is it that suddenly their capacity to endure cold will increase? Their will power, their determination to persevere in doing their duty to Krishna in service to Krishna in spite of the cold their determination will definitely increase but their body itself may not change. So just as the spiritual advancement may not change the body’s constitution similarly it may not change the mind’s constitution. Some people by nature are more emotional some people are more rational.
Now both kinds of people can by their spiritual advancement become more committed to the service of Krishna and that means that they will not feel that much emotion that means they will not be that much swayed by emotion say if you consider emotional person they will not be swayed by that much emotion while growing spiritually but that doesn’t mean that they will not feel emotion that’s the way their mind is. Some people are more sensitive, some people are less sensitive and even spiritually advanced people might have sensitivity which may not go down just because they have developed spiritual advancement. Now they may be able to stay composed even when they feel hurt internally because they are determined to serve Krishna and if composure helps them to serve Krishna they will maintain their composure but that doesn’t mean that they won’t feel the pain if somebody speaks hurtful words.
Similarly some people may be more of an emotional nature and when they encounter the days of a loved one they may have a lot of emotions over there especially if that person was very close to them. So at one level yes the spiritual advancement is seen in the fixity of one’s service to Krishna and Arjuna also we saw he in Mahabharata is overwhelmed by emotion first sorrow and then anger but then he served Krishna that is critical he did never give up his service to Krishna in fact whatever emotions he went to eventually that emotion increased his service to Krishna he fought like never before on the next day to get Jayadratha knocked down so we needn’t make the absence of the emotions of emotions associated with the death of a loved one we needn’t make that absence as the sole barometer of spiritual advancement because those emotions we just arise as as psychological reactions to life events if the psyche of a person is in a particular way just as there can be physical reactions to life events as the body starts shivering when there is cold that’s one point another point is that we don’t want to be emotionally entangled that’s attachment but we need to be emotionally invested we need to care for people and when we care for them it’s important then that we learn to express that care properly so even when we understand that our defining relationship is our relationship with Krishna still there may be some horizontal relationships that may strengthen and shelter us in this world as we move toward Krishna when those relationships are lost that may cause us grief and we shouldn’t see that as as lack of spiritual advancement we need to practice spirituality that is emotionally healthy emotionally healthy means that it does not involve an artificial repression of emotions and of course it doesn’t involve an excessive indulgence in emotionality so what will be an emotionally healthy spirituality may vary from person to person just as what may be physically healthy spirituality may vary from person to person and of course if somebody is a great devotee who is very close to from whom we have received a lot of inspiration then their departure may cause us great grief and Sri Prabhupada also says for example when the spiritual master departs a disciple feels extremely bereaved and tears on the departure of a spiritual master can convey the attachment of the disciple to the spiritual master and that attachment is in many ways conducive for increasing our attachment to Krishna Prasangam Ajaram Pashyam Atmanah Kavayo Vidusayiva Sadhu Shukrto Moksha Dwaram Pavritam Prasangam Ajaram Pashyam that attachment is like a like a knot that never gets old and it keeps us entangled in this world but when that attachment is directed towards the supreme towards the devotees of the supreme then it opens the doors for liberation so basically the point is that we can’t reduce spiritual advancement to one particular behavioral aspect alone we need to see spiritual advancement primarily in the overall dedication of a person to the service of Krishna not just their reactions to life events such as bereavement having said that it’s also true that excessive grief excessive lamenting is definitely undesirable or not just from a emotional from a spiritual perspective but even from an emotional and physical perspective from the perspective of overall well-being of a person and if somebody is doing like that then rather than judging them as lacking in spiritual advancement we need to think is there any way I can help them sometimes sharing spiritual knowledge sometimes just offering support sometimes helping them move out of that situation of grief by all these we can be of service to them in coming out of that that phase of phase of emotional disturbance so if somebody is in a state of emotional emotional affliction our primary disposition needs to be how can I help them we need to have a service attitude not a judgmental attitude oh I thought you were very spiritually advanced and now you are exposed to be just shallow shallow spiritualist we may decide if somebody is too emotional and somebody laments somebody becomes too emotionally afflicted that is maybe this person may not be as much a source of inspiration for me as I had thought earlier and I may also have to look for inspiration elsewhere but rather than judging that oh they lack spiritual advancement you need to focus on how we can be of service to them and how we can be inspired in our spiritual life either through them or through someone else