If others pressure us into doing more than our capacity, what can we do?
A devotee sees life’s challenges as Krishna acting through time. Sometimes, we may have certain limitations, but others keep pushing us to do more service than we are realistically able to. When that happens, we may start feeling devalued or unaccepted within the devotee community for not doing “enough” service.
How do we deal with that pressure?
Yes, it’s a difficult situation.
We all need at least a few people who accept us, respect us, and appreciate us. It’s vital to find such individuals, wherever they may be. Without such supportive association, we can feel misunderstood, lonely, and unhappy.
If we find ourselves in that situation, there are broadly three possible responses:
- Change ourselves
- Change our service
- Change our association
None of these changes is easy.
Changing ourselves may involve trying to increase our capacity—which is not always possible—or learning to lower our expectations, especially from those who are demanding more from us than we can give.
Changing our service may mean finding a different kind of service that is more suited to our nature or energy levels. Alternatively, it may mean finding a different circle of devotees—one where we feel more accepted and valued. Even if that group is smaller or less prominent, if they help us feel connected and give us a sense of belonging, that can make a huge difference.
We need to remember:
We don’t have to overvalue those who devalue us.
And we definitely need to value those who value us.
If some people repeatedly devalue us, we may not be able to stop them from speaking or acting as they do. We can try to explain our situation—they might understand. But if they don’t, and dismiss our explanation as mere excuses, then we must recognize that their perception of us does not have to define us.
To not be overly affected by their negative perception, we need to cultivate relationships with those who see us positively. Often, there are people in our circle who already appreciate us and with whom we can connect deeply. But because they are so accessible, we may take them for granted, neglecting meaningful reciprocation with them, while seeking validation from others who are more demanding or distant.
It’s said that affectionate and like-minded association is crucial for our spiritual growth. It is our responsibility to seek out and cherish such association. When we have that, we can move ahead in life with greater confidence and inner security.
Of course, those who pressure us may not necessarily be ill-intentioned. Sometimes a little pressure helps us grow. But if their expectations ignore our reality, or if their pressure becomes too much, we can choose to appreciate their good intentions from a distance, while continuing our practice of bhakti with steadiness and sincerity.
In summary:
We don’t have to see them negatively.
But we also don’t have to let their negative view of us define us.
That balanced perspective can help us move forward in our devotional journey with peace, clarity, and purpose.