Why do we feel more envy toward some people than toward others?

Question: Why do we feel more envy towards certain people than others? Is it related to psychological impressions or personal chemistry? Some relationships are easier to manage when envy is absent, while others are far more challenging.

Answer: The intricate ways in which the human mind is drawn to things are often difficult to fully comprehend. While we can understand the general mechanism, as described in Bhagavad-gita 2.62-63—where contemplation leads to increased attachment, pulling us down a slippery slope towards self-destruction—the specifics of which objects naturally attract us for contemplation remain largely unpredictable.

Consider this in the context of sexual attraction, which we commonly associate with lust. It’s not always easy to understand why two specific people are drawn to each other. Physical attractiveness is certainly a factor, but beyond that, a constellation of behavioral traits and overall character contributes to this attraction. If two attracted individuals are asked to articulate what draws them to each other, they might offer poetic explanations. However, upon rational evaluation, there often isn’t a clear, logical reason why person A should be exclusively attracted to person B, as persons C, D, E, F, or G might also fulfill those same rational criteria. Thus, while attraction may have a rational component, it extends far beyond it.

This same principle applies to other weaknesses of the heart. When we experience greed, for instance, a craving for a new house or car, we might identify some sociological or cultural factors explaining why we’re drawn to a particular model or style. However, with more personal preferences, like why we prefer certain types of clothes over others, it becomes harder to pinpoint. Even within fashion, there’s a wide spectrum, and individual choices often go beyond mere trends.

What applies to other weaknesses can also apply to envy. Why do we feel envious of a particular person? It’s often very difficult to pinpoint the exact reason. However, making an effort to do so can be helpful. If we analyze precisely what quality in someone triggers our envy, it can at least provide a rational handle on the emotion, even if it doesn’t offer complete control. This understanding can then assist in better managing it.

Do personal chemistry and psychological impressions play a role? Absolutely. However, “personal chemistry” itself has a somewhat mystical, non-rational aspect to it. Why are certain people drawn to each other and not to others? It transcends purely logical explanation.

Ultimately, while trying to identify the specific source or cause of envy can be beneficial, we live in a world where our knowledge-acquiring faculties are finite and fallible. Therefore, it is often more productive to focus on the solution (the cure) rather than solely on the source (the cause).

Here are ways to manage envy:

1. Maintain a spiritual perspective: Constantly remind ourselves that we are all on individual spiritual journeys, each dealing with our own challenges. If others possess more resources than us, it’s not the quantity of resources that determines their spiritual evolution, but how they utilize them. Similarly, our own evolution depends on how we use our given resources. Keeping this purpose of spiritual evolution in mind helps us understand that usage, not quantity, is what truly matters.
2. Recognize the divine plan: Understand that we are not striving for spiritual evolution alone; there is a higher, divine plan at work. If we believe that the Lord has provided us with precisely what we need for our evolution, and if we utilize it properly, we can all progress without falling into the trap of endless comparison. We don’t need to play a bigger role to feel fulfilled or to connect with the Lord; we simply need to play our given role better. This understanding can significantly curb envy.
3. Redirect appreciation towards Krishna: The most devotional approach is to recognize that all abilities and resources originate from Krishna. If the attributes in others that trigger our envy are merely sparks of Krishna’s attractiveness, then contemplating those same attributes in Krishna himself will make Him infinitely more attractive and lovable. Envy, in a sense, is an indirect form of appreciation. If we redirect this appreciation directly towards Krishna, it transforms from a negative weakness into a positive strength.

By considering these three aspects—our spiritual purpose, the divine plan, and the ultimate source of all qualities (Krishna)—managing envy can become significantly easier.