If a devotee friend of ours is criticizing other devotees what should we do at that time ?
Question: If we live in a complicated environment where some amount of duplicity seems necessary just to be able to do our service, won’t that eventually become a habit that leads us down an unhealthy track?
Answer:
Words matter—a lot. The terms we use to describe our actions shape not just how others perceive us, but how we perceive ourselves. That’s why I would prefer to avoid the word duplicity—it carries a strong negative connotation.
To some extent, what may be perceived as duplicity is actually just basic human culture. For example, we may feel angry at someone, perhaps someone elder to us, but if we are cultured, we don’t yell at them. We speak respectfully. Is that duplicity—feeling one thing and saying another? No, that’s culture. It’s emotional regulation grounded in respect and values.
Sometimes, to get something done—especially in a complicated social setting—we may need to speak to a person of influence in a way that doesn’t fully reflect our inner emotions. Is that duplicity? I would say a better term here is diplomacy, not duplicity.
Even in spiritual history, we see examples like Sanatana Goswami, who spoke to the jailer in a particular way to gain his release and thereby serve Lord Chaitanya. This wasn’t deception for selfish gain; it was pragmatism for a higher cause.
So yes, such diplomatic behavior can become a habit, and that’s something to be mindful of. Human nature has been gifted with the capacity to restrain emotions—it’s essential for sustaining relationships. If all our wild inner emotions were visible at all times, even our closest relationships would suffer.
When cultivating simplicity, the goal isn’t to express everything without filter. Rather, simplicity is about inner alignment—keeping our intention and purpose pure. We aim to serve Krishna and do good for others.
In this complicated world, we may have to deal with complex realities. For example, some devotees aren’t comfortable with technology, but during times like a lockdown, learning basic tech became essential for serving Krishna. They adapted, even if it felt complicated to them.
If the majority of our interactions are not based on diplomacy or suppression, and if we have some relationships where we can be fully candid and honest—where we can express our hearts freely—then occasional diplomatic interactions won’t affect us much.
Like the lotus on which water doesn’t stick, we can let external complications slide off without letting them touch our heart. As the Bhagavatam says, “Padma-patram ivāmbhasā”—like a lotus leaf untouched by water.
So I would suggest three key practices to avoid slipping into unhealthy habits:
- Clarity of Purpose:
Be conscious of why you’re saying what you’re saying. If you’re aware that a certain expression is for a specific, higher service goal, that awareness helps prevent unconscious compromises. - Spaces for Authenticity:
Ensure you have some safe relationships or settings where you can be fully honest. Even if these are not the majority, a few such spaces can serve as anchors of integrity. - Accountability and Introspection:
If possible, have a trusted friend who can be a sounding board. Or at least keep a journal to track when you acted diplomatically. Reflect on: was it for a higher purpose or for personal gain? This evaluation (checking) and regulation (self-control) helps us stay grounded.
Unchecked, diplomatic behavior can slide into habitual convenience, eventually turning into duplicity, where we act not out of service but out of selfish motives. But when we stay connected to our intention—to serve Krishna and others—we can practice diplomacy without becoming duplicitous.
So, to summarize:
Diplomacy is speaking selectively for a noble purpose.
Duplicity is manipulating speech for an ulterior motive.
As devotees, we may be diplomatic when needed, but we should never become duplicitous.