How can we make our children great devotees like Prahlad?

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How can we create Prahladas among our children? That is my concern. A very important question.

The first thing to understand is that we cannot create anyone. We can only facilitate their growth. We have to be very careful how we parent. Sometimes parents think their children are like clay, and they can mold them into whatever shape they want. But I believe the clay metaphor is a dangerous one because children are not clay.

Children are like seeds. You cannot make a mango grow from an apple seed, nor rice from a wheat seed. The idea is, we cannot mold our children into the exact image we want. Instead, we must understand what kind of seed they are, who they truly are, and help them grow to become the best they can be. That is what is important.

If we operate with the mindset, “I will make my children like this,” then we are already starting from a philosophically flawed position. Practically, this can be quite alienating for the children, because they need to feel loved and cared for, not controlled. If they feel we care only about controlling them, they will become alienated.

Bhakti and spiritual growth is a process that takes many lifetimes. Everyone moves at their own pace. Even in parenting, the aspiration to raise children as devotees is good and laudable, but we must realize we do not control the results. If our children do not become devotees, we should not see it as a personal failure. We can always ask ourselves if we did our part, if we could have done more. But if we become fixated on failure, we risk becoming either hyper-controlling or overreacting, which alienates the relationship further.

Children will grow in their own time and must choose their own path. We can only help guide them; we cannot make them choose a particular way.

With that caveat, I see three broad things we can do:

1. Education:
This means giving them appropriate spiritual knowledge. Classes for children should be different from those for adults, suited to their age and understanding. When they are small, they might memorize simple verses from the Gita. As they grow older, they can hear stories of Krishna and understand deeper wisdom.

Often, we assume children already know the truth or philosophy because they are in a devotee family and have heard many classes. But sometimes the material we present is too advanced for them. I was staying with a prominent devotee preacher in America and spoke with his son, who asked, “Is there any proof that God exists?” I gave several arguments, but he refuted them based on things he had read online. He lacked confidence and said he did not even feel comfortable asking his father such questions because he assumed the answer would be obvious. This shows that philosophical education—beyond just devotional classes—is important for children to develop confidence and understanding.

2. Facilities and Community:
It’s not enough to say, “This is the right thing to do” or “This is what we relish.” Children need forums where they can interact with peers who share their emotional and spiritual inclinations and have fun. For example, activities like kirtan, music, and drama where children dress up and perform Krishna stories can create joyful experiences of bhakti.

There was a Christian pastor at an interfaith meeting who mentioned a survey where college students in America described priests as people who worry that others are having fun—they see priests as killjoys or spoilsports. We want to avoid that impression. We must facilitate joyful experiences of bhakti, not just rules and restrictions.

3. Personal Example:
Example is crucial. It’s not enough to simply practice bhakti strictly and expect children to follow. If parents waste time watching TV but tell children not to, that creates confusion. Children notice what parents do when they think no one is watching.

More importantly, children should see that through bhakti, their parents have become better people—better fathers and mothers who care for them more deeply. I once spoke with a teenager whose mother had become a devotee about three years prior. The girl said, “It feels like Krishna is a competitor for my mother’s love. She spends so much time with Krishna that she has no time for me.” The mother might see this as serious devotion, but the child feels neglected. That disconnect should not happen.

So personal example means sincerely practicing bhakti and ensuring children feel loved and cared for because of that practice. When children see that their parents have become better and happier through bhakti, they will want to reciprocate and embrace the path themselves.

In summary:

• We cannot control or create anyone; children are seeds, not clay.
• We can educate them properly, facilitate joyful spiritual experiences, and model sincere, caring bhakti in our own lives.

This is how we can nurture Prahladas among our children.