Anger Management How Anger Destroys Montreal
Disclaimer: This transcript was generated using AI and may contain occasional errors or inaccuracies.
So I'll be using this as a whiteboard to write and draw certain things. And I'll speak broadly on the topic of some life lessons from the Ramayana. So it'll be a two-part series.
So today I'll talk about three points. Basically, I'll talk about how stories like the Ramayana can be approached. So we'll discuss four approaches.
Which can help us understand and benefit from this. Then I'll talk about the specific topic I'm going to discuss is about anger. How anger arises and how to deal with anger.
So we will discuss examples of anger. And then lastly we'll discuss about how anger most often goes in a destructive direction. And how it goes in that destructive direction.
And how also anger can be made to go in a constructive direction. So this part about the two trajectories of anger, mostly we'll be discussing this tomorrow. But when we're discussing examples of anger, we'll also be discussing the causes of anger over there.
How in different characters the anger arises. So let's begin. Now, how many of you have never heard of the Ramayana till now? Okay, most of you have heard something about it.
So, now the Ramayana is an ancient story. It is called Itihas, it is history. At the same time, it is not just history.
Many people throughout history have been storytellers. Now stories could be fictional, stories could be historical, stories could be a combination of fictional and historical. Many different kinds of stories.
But most stories, what happens is, they get forgotten. There could be fictional stories, there could be historical stories, there could be combination. So now most, what happens is, they are forgotten.
Why? Because they are not really considered valuable by people. In America, I was recently giving a lecture in one college, and also college program. So when I was going there, I asked the organizers, which college is this? So it was the American Institute of Illusion.
Basically, it is a school for movie making. So how to make illusion attractive. Now more hundreds and thousands of movies are released, most of them, they flop.
Most of them don't do very well. And why do they flop? Because the illusion is not good enough. So people get bored by it.
People don't connect with it. So now in one sense, when stories are told, especially if some story survives for a long time, not just for a few decades, but for several centuries, even several millennia, then there must be something of value that people throughout history have found in that story, because of which they preserve the story. We buy so many books at times, and we just discard the books after sometime as garbage.
We may download Kindle books and delete them after sometime. So if some stories have been preserved, there has to be something of significant value. So we have times.
There are ancient times, there are medieval times, modern times. Nowadays we are living in postmodern times. So there are various times.
If a story has been passed down for many, many years, down millennia, then there must be something timeless of value in that story. So how do we discern that? Now we may say that, okay, the Ramayana is a sacred story, it is a story about God, and that's why it's valuable. That is true.
But in the tradition itself, there are multiple approaches to discern the value of the stories. So there is a great Acharya Bhaktilod Thakur, in his book, Krishna Samhita, and also in his other book, Yata Jiksha Amrita, he says that those who study, those who approach these texts, those readers of sacred texts, they can be classified into three levels. He uses the standard term Kanishtha.
What does Kanishtha mean? Sorry? Smallest? Okay. In this context, it means the introductory, the first level. Then there is Madhyama.
Madhyama will be? Intermediate. Intermediate, and then there is Uttama. Now, he does not use this in the same sense, in which, say, the Bhakti Rasa Amrit Sindhu uses it for levels of devotion.
It can be correlated, but it's not exactly the same. So he says that the Kanishthas, they focus only on the literal aspect of the story. Okay, this happened here, that happened there, that happened there.
And their connection to the story is based on taking everything literally. Now, when this happens, just like if somebody is watching a movie or reading a novel, then, many times if there are reviews of these, there is sometimes, this is a spoiler-free alert, review, or spoiler alert, they say. Why? Because if you have, if you know the story, then the suspense goes away, then the enjoyment goes away.
So, at the literal level, often people seek entertainment. And stories like the Ramayana are sacred, and even if entertainment is sought from that, it is a pious form of entertainment. It is uplifting.
And he says that at the Madhyama level, people look for non-literal readings. So, non-literal means? They look for, okay, beyond the literal story, what does it teach? What does it symbolize? So, we'll talk about four levels. One at the Kanishtha level.
So, Bhaktivinoda Thakur does not use these specific terms, but I'm placing them in a particular way. So, the acronym I'll be using is LEAD. So, how can scriptural wisdom lead us in our lives? Well, the first level is the literal level.
At the non-literal, there are two levels. One is the ethical level. At the ethical level, when we approach scripture, then we consider the ethical choices of various characters.
Okay, in this situation, this character did this. Was it the right thing? Was it the wrong thing? So, Prabhupada also uses this approach, say, in the first chapter of the Bhagavad Gita, when he says, Arjuna is fighting a war, the biggest war of his life, and yet he's not rushing into war, he's thinking carefully. Such a thoughtful person is capable of receiving spiritual knowledge.
And the first chapter shows Arjuna's qualification for receiving spiritual knowledge. So, at the ethical level, we look for guidance. Guidance for our life, for our decision-making.
Now, beyond that, there is also the allegorical level. Now, allegorical means, what does this symbolize? So, at this level, if you are studying the Ramayana, the question is not who is Ravan, but what is Ravan? What does Ravan represent? So, now, within the tradition itself, what does Ravan represent? Ego. Ego? Anger.
Anger? Okay. All bad qualities we can give to him, because we don't like him. There's a goodness in everyone.
But there are six primary misgivings, and Ravan represents one of them. Does anyone know? Jealousy. Lust.
Lust, yes. So, which are the six primary obstacles in the spiritual path? Kama. Kama, krodha, lova, moha, madamatsya.
So, lust, anger, greed, pride, envy, and illusion. So, Ravan represents lust. So, here, there is more of an intellectual illumination.
People want to analyze and understand. Okay, what does this symbolize? What does that symbolize? Now, Prabhupada also talks about it. For example, Devaki had six children before Balram and Krishna met them all.
And those six children were killed. And those six children represent the six misgivings. So, the symbolism is that before God or the Guru can manifest in our heart, Balramji is Guru and Krishna is God.
Before they manifest in our heart, we need to purify our hearts of these impurities. So, basically, there is the allegorical level. Now, it's important to understand that scripture itself is not allegorical.
That allegory means, basically, it's a story told to convey some moral. The story may be completely fictional. The immoral is what is important.
But scripture is not allegorical. Some parts of scripture can be studied from an allegorical perspective. That's why these are four approaches.
And then, generally, those who look for non-literal meanings, they consider themselves to be very intelligent. And they think that people are just looking at literal stories. You know, they are naïve, they believe in these childish stories.
They can't think deeper. And Bhakti Vinod Thakur pats them on their back. Yeah, it's good that you are looking for deeper meanings.
But then he says that the non-literal is not the highest. Beyond that, at an Uttam level, there is a devotional reading. So, that's why, L-E-A-D.
A devotional or transcendental level means, here, we see that everything that is happening is a Leela. It is orchestrated by the Lord's arrangement. For the purpose of purifying us.
For the purpose of elevating us. For the purpose of reciprocating love. So, in this level, we see that, so here, basically, there is simply ecstasy.
What happens at this level? A person just thinks, oh, how? Krishna loves the devotee, the devotee loves the Lord. So, Prabhupada, for example, talks about the devotional in Bhagavad Gita, as it is, when he states that Arjuna's illusion was actually orchestrated by Krishna. So that, Krishna could speak the Bhagavad Gita.
This is a devotional level. Now, each of these approaches has their value. In learning from scripture.
So, at any level, if we approach sacred books like the Ramayana, the Bhagavatam, then, we can be purified. So, all of these, a common denominator for all of them is, any approach is going to give us purification. Because we are hearing about the Lord.
But the extent of the transformation, that will follow after the purification. Like one time we go and take a bath, and after that, we never take a bath. Then it's all over, we are all going to stay very clean.
So, the extent of transformation that can happen will be much more, if we go deeper, just beyond the literal soul level. Those who are sitting there, are you able to see this? Maybe you can come ahead here. All of you can come a little closer also, if you like.
Like that. Is it possible to tilt it? Yeah, that's clever. Can you do this? I can move a little bit here.
Do you want to move this further? Are all of you able to see? Are those of you who are not able to see, happy that you are not able to see? So, now, each of these approaches can have its value. For example, children, they just like to hear exciting stories. And the Ramayan, the Bhagavatam is filled with nice stories.
And some people may not be very interested in analysis, they can hear the stories and they can be benefited. Those people who are more thoughtful, they are more analytical, for them, okay, story, I want a story, what more? They want something more, and then the non-literal approaches are there. So, based on this introduction, let's look at how, at an ethical level, we can learn about anger management.
So, I'll talk about a few instances where a person gets angry. In the Ramayan. Those of you who know the story, can you think of examples where somebody gets angry? Lakshman, yes.
Lakshman is known to be a person who gets angry quite quickly. Which example, Athangi, what Lakshman is? Yes, please. Okay, let's come back to you.
Yes, Lakshman, when? Bharat was coming, so he just got angry that Bharat is here to fight with Lord Ram. Yes, he suspected Bharat. So, Bharat came with a full army, and he thought that this Bharat's mother had Ram exiled, and now this Bharat has come with the army to execute Ram.
And he was enraged. Yes, thank you. Yes, Ravan? When? When the Hanumanji went on the Lanka and burned the Lanka with his tail.
That's good. Wonderful. If you can answer like that, nobody can be angry with you.
Thank you. So, Hanuman burned Lanka. So, anyone else gets angry any time? Sugriv didn't, was not answering Ram's call after Bali was killed, like after 3 months period.
3 months period, he was not answering. He was more interested in his own, on his Rasleelas. And Lakshman was sent to, you know, ask him what's happening, how about your promise.
Yes, so he could say thank you. Sugriv has delays and dalliances. He was just enjoying things over there.
So, that irritated Lakshman. Yes? When Parshuram was angry on Bhagavan Ram for breaking the Shiva. Okay, so Parshuram, he got angry with Ram and Ram broke the celestial bow of Lord Shiva.
Yes. That was at the time of Sita's Swayambhar. Yes, thank you.
Anywhere else? Shurpanakha. Shurpanakha, okay. Shurpanakha got angry when her nose was cut.
Okay. Yes, that's true. Kumbhakaran.
Kumbhakaran. When he was woken up from his sleep. Are you telling from experience? So, in one sense we can say that, you know, who doesn't get angry in life? We can find instances of every character getting angry at some time or the other.
Kumbhakaran when he was woken up. Yes. As soon as he woke up, he just started devouring whoever was around him.
He was so angry. Ram. Yes.
Non-responsive ocean. When the sea was not ready to part the way, to let Ram go there. Ram got angry.
We'll come back to you one minute. You are also very different. I was the same.
Oh, same. Yes. Kekhi.
Kekhi. Okay. When did she get angry? She got angry when, I don't quite remember why she got angry but somebody told her something about her son and Ram when he was young.
So, that's why she said in anger to send Ram's father to the forest for 14 years. Excellent. So, Kekhi when Ram was to be coronated.
Coronated means when you are supposed to meet the next king. And she wanted her own son Bharat to be coronated. Yes.
Hanumanji. Hanumanji. Hanuman.
When was this? When Sita was there. Ashok Vatika. He was irritated and he got angry and he burned the whole Sri Lanka.
Yeah, Hanuman burned Lanka. That's true. He got angry in Lanka.
Now there is a series of events which first annoyed and then irritated and then finally enraged him. So, what triggered his anger was eventually when Ravan started minimizing Ram's power. When he was in the court, Hanuman went through a lot of emotions.
First he was just upset to see how Sita was in such distress. And then when he went to the palace of Ravan or the court of Ravan and he tried to give warning to Ravan. Don't return Sita.
You will be destroyed. So, he was irritated by that time because Ravan was not listening. But instead of listening, that when foolish people are given instructions, they don't become pacified.
They become enraged. So, when Ravan became angry, Ravan was not ready to listen. Ravan started minimizing Ram and started insulting Ram.
So, that was the time when he became enraged. Ram is just an ordinary human being. What can he do? Hanuman decided, I will show you a sample of what one servant of Ram can do.
It's like anger is becoming a big bucket now. When Jatayu got angry. When he saw that Ravan is taking bath with Sita.
Yes, Sita was abducted by Ravan. At that time, he got angry. True.
He was shocked. He was enraged and he tried to fight and protect Sita or save Sita from being abducted. Thank you.
Yes, any last points? When was this? Oh yes, that's wonderful. After Tashruth had been killed, after Ram had gone to the exile, then after they performed the last rites, the whole assembly, the whole palace, in fact the whole kingdom was in a state of utter gloom and desolation. At that time, Ashatrughna saw that Mantara was wearing opulent clothes.
She was celebrating the success of her scheme. And he just snarled at that time. You are the cause of the destruction that has befallen our entire dynasty today.
I will punish you. So, Mantara, she was celebrating amid the gloom and doom that was there in Ayodhya. Vishwamitra, basically when he asked Ram and Lakshman for protection of his India, so Dashrath did not allow them.
Yes, so Vishwamitra with Dashrath. And Dashrath, he had come to Ram, the palace of Dashrath for asking that, basically, what? That you assist me in protecting my sacrifice. And he said, you send your son Ram with me.
And he said no. Vashishta also, Vashishta also, he showed his loyalty. He showed to Vashishta also.
Vashishta actually stayed calm and calmed Dashrath down afterwards. So now, thank you for all these examples. We will look at some instances over here of anger.
There is one more incident which I will be focusing on. Let's look at anger. What is the common denominator over here? If you see, anger generally arises when there is desire and that desire is frustrated.
Isn't it? Generally, when we want to do something and that doesn't, things don't work out that way. Kumbhakarna wanted to sleep and he was woken up. So, he gets angry.
So, basically, generally anger arises when things don't go our way. We want things to go in a particular way and they don't go our way. But then, we can say that in life, there are so many times things don't go our way.
Isn't it? It is, you could say, only occasionally that things go our way. Sometimes they go partially our way. There are so many times they don't go our way.
But then, why is it that we don't get angry all the time? If our desire is frustrated, if things don't go our way, then we tend to become angry. But then, why is it that, say, if we tell someone to do something and they don't do it, one person doesn't do that, and we are okay. If another person we tell and they don't do it, then we get angry with them.
So, anger is caused not just by things not going our way, by desire not being fulfilled. That is a basic denominator. But that alone is not enough.
Basically, anger depends broadly on three things. Krishna talks about this basic principle, ध्यायतोविशयान्पुम्सः संगस्तेषुपजायति संगात्संजायतेकामः कामत्क्रोधोभिजायति So, he talks about it in 2.60, 2.63, that when desire is frustrated, then we become angry. But, anger depends on various factors.
First is that the strength of the desire itself. Say, you came for this program and you had heard a rumor, there is Gulab Jamun today. And then after the program, there is a feast and then Gulab Jamun.
Either way, maybe you will feel a little annoyed. But, okay, it's not a big deal. But suppose somebody, Gulab Jamun is their favorite sweet.
And they are looking forward to it, they are dreaming about it. And when they find that there is no Gulab Jamun, then they will feel upset, they will feel angry. At one point, the strength of the desire, how strong is the desire, that determines our anger.
But, it is not just the strength of desire. We all have strong desires sometimes. And sometimes things don't go our way.
I was in Australia, and one couple had come to meet me. So, the wife was telling me that my husband has anger issues. And the husband was telling me, I really don't want to get angry, but I just can't control my anger.
So, I just can't. So then, I told her, Okay, where do you work? She said, I work at a software company. I said, do you feel anger towards your boss sometimes? She said, yeah.
Then he gives unreasonable deadlines, he just piles on my work, he gives me more work than others. I said, do you get angry at your boss and yell at him? He looked at me as if he wanted to yell at me. I said, are you crazy? I cannot get angry with my boss.
She said, why is that? I said, I lose my job. He piles. So, I said, you feel the emotion of anger, but you don't get angry.
You don't express that anger. That means you have the capacity to control the anger. So, anger, it is not just based on the strength of the desire.
It is also based on the power we have or the power we don't have. So, in this case, there is a clear power asymmetry. So, I may not get angry with my boss because the boss is more powerful than me, but then I can come home and get angry with my spouse or my children.
What they have done may be a small matter. But basically, so, anger may arise inside us because of some frustrated desire. So, the arising of anger, it depends on the strength of the desire.
But the expressing of the anger depends on the power that we have. Now, suppose somebody doesn't have any power. Does that mean they will never express their anger? Well, not necessarily.
The anger is going to get accumulated. With anger, it goes outward. It comes as aggression.
When anger goes inward, it becomes depression. Depression means the person starts beating themselves up. I am worthless.
I am good for nothing. Nothing ever works for me. My life is doomed.
I am lost. So, now, of course, depression can be a clinical phenomenon and it can have multiple causes. But generally, when a person is depressed, one common factor is that they are beating themselves up.
And because of beating themselves up, they have lost all spirit. They have lost all energy. They have lost all hope.
So, if we don't have power, then we may not express our anger. So, the anger arises because of the desire. Anger arises because of the… Anger expresses itself because of the power that we have.
Now, there is one more factor. There is desire. So, we could put it in such a way that the power we have or don't have creates a certain level of boundary around our anger.
The boundary might be that I just keep it inside. Sometimes we may be angry and we may not even show it on our face. Sometimes we may show it on our face, but we do not let it come out through our voice.
So, basically, the power, especially when we are powerless, then that creates some boundaries around our anger. And the third point is that… So, now what happens is sometimes a person may not have power today, then they may get power after some time. And then they may express their anger.
And anger may come out in a very ugly form at that time. We look at one story in the Ramayana which illustrates this. Now, apart from this, so, generally speaking, say, we have… we have… we have a particular desire, we want to do it.
We want to do a particular thing. We want to buy something, we want to do something, get somebody to do something. And they don't do that.
And then we have a certain level of power or don't have power, so that we express our anger. Now, along with that, there is one more important factor. Now, power can mean many different things.
Power can mean, say, the particular… particular relationship that it is. Power could also mean, say, the external resources that we have. Say, all of us, we get angry, we may yell at someone.
If the president of America or the president of Russia gets angry, they can nuke an entire country. So, different people have different degrees of power. But beyond that, one more thing that determines the expression of anger is the culture that we have.
Now, culture, it can refer to habits. It can refer also to our upbringing, our nature. It can refer to the impressions that are there inside us.
Basically, it depends on how we have, in our past, expressed our anger. So, it is that if somebody has a culture where, okay, they may get angry, they may raise their voice, but they will never speak foul words. They will not speak severe words.
So then, even if they get angry, in my sense, that is a boundary. That boundary is not created by lack of power. Anybody can speak severe words.
But they don't speak because that is their culture. Somebody may get angry, and somebody may be powerful. They can beat up the other person if they are angry.
They may have the power, but their culture, their habit, their nature, their impressions, no, no. We cannot do that. I am not supposed to do that.
So, basically, we could, yeah? Does tamaguna fall under the culture? Tamaguna? Yeah. Well, yes, you could say that moods do influence how we function. Now, see, the moods occur at various levels.
So, the moods can also influence our mood at a particular time. But the moods can also influence our overall behavior. Even a person who is normally sattvic or rajasic, they might have a tamasic movement when they might act in particular ways.
But overall, people have a certain way of functioning, a certain way of living, and they act accordingly. So, basically, if you wanted to depict a diagram, say, if I am at one level, if I am here, and then I want to go in this direction, and some obstacle comes over here. So, this is basically desire frustrated.
Now, when the obstacle comes, depending on what the obstacle is, so actually here, anger arises over here. But, say, if the same situation is altered, now I am here and the obstacle is, if the person is bigger and the obstacle is smaller, and the person might just kick away the obstacle, whatever it might be. So, this is, is the red color visible to everyone? It depends on the power.
Now, along with that, one more factor is that if we consider, here I just depict the person in a more philosophical way, there is the soul, there is the subtle body, which we can call short of the mind, the soul, the mind, and the body. So, now, in the mind, there are impressions. And, depending on the kind of impressions that are there in the mind, that person will speak accordingly.
They sometimes say, you know, our children get angry, a child comes from school, gets upset about something and uses swear words. Where did he learn such a word? We don't speak such things. Who taught you such things? Did you learn it in school? Did some other kids tell you? Where did you learn it? So, basically, there are impressions inside.
So, these impressions, they also determine the expression of anger. So, this is called in Sanskrit as samskar. In other words, samskar can also be written in English as some scar.
Everybody has some or the other scar in their psyche. And, based on that, people function. So, these three factors broadly determine how much a person will express their anger.
How or how much they will express their anger. So, now, when anger arises, the basic denominator is desire is frustrated. But, after desire is frustrated, based on our power and we could say our nature.
Like, somebody has a short-tempered nature. Then, somebody says to be short-tempered is bad. But, to be short-tempered and powerful is a far more deadly combination.
So, I just came from America a few days ago. In America, there is sometimes this tragic gun shootings. You know, school shootings with guns.
So, now, kids get frustrated in their lives and they get angry because of something. Everybody, everybody's life is tough. Teenage is a time of turbulent emotions.
Everybody will get angry. But, some people, they just take a gun and go about shooting, shooting spree against innocent people and they will start killing themselves also. So, to have too much power too early is also dangerous.
So, basically, if somebody has power without culture, without culture, without nature, without discipline, whatever word you want to use. I am using it in a very broad sense over here. Then, that can be doubly dangerous.
Especially if they are provoked. So, in this context, now, let's look at one story from the Ramayana which illustrates how anger works destructively. And then, we will So, today, I will talk about briefly the story and tomorrow, as I said, I will talk about the how anger can be resolved.
So, this is the story of Vali and Sugri. Vali and Sugri were brothers. Vali was the elder, he became the king and Sugri was the younger brother.
Now, there is an elaborate story and I will just mention the story briefly over here. But basically, between the two of them, a misunderstanding arises. Vali and Sugri go out chasing a particular demon Maya, where that demon hides in a cave.
That cave happens to be like a catacomb, a series of caves in the underground. Vali goes inside and tells Sugri to stay outside. Sugri says, let me come in.
There might be something fishy going on over here. Both of us together will take down the demon and if he has some assistants who try to ambush us, I will be there to ambush you, I will be there to protect you. Vali says, I will take care, don't worry.
Just stay outside. Don't let him slip away from some other way. So, Sugri reluctantly stays outside.
And he is waiting and waiting and waiting and then, finally, Vali is waiting. Finally, it's just silence. You know, when there is silence, it can mean many things.
Like, if somebody is giving a class and there is complete silence, it could mean that people are paying full attention. It could also mean people are fully asleep. So, silence can have many messages.
Say, if we have a home, in which we have children, small children. Now, sometimes children make a lot of noise and it's annoying. The pitter-patter of children's feet is also sweet.
But, if there are some children in a home and the home is completely silent, then, that's suspicious. The children must have done some mischief after some mischief. So, silence can mean many things.
It can mean attention. It can mean drowsiness. I see somebody is fully asleep, then they might be snoring also.
So, it may not be silent. It can mean some mischief is there. It can also mean some danger.
That, in the silence, some things can happen. Of course, beyond all this, silence can also mean peace for us. So, when there is complete silence, somebody started getting worried.
What happened? Why is it taking so long? And then, suddenly, he heard the screaming of the demon. And now, what did it mean? Was that demon being beaten or was that demon beating Wali? He couldn't make out on the screen. He was waiting, but he did not hear any sound of Wali at all.
And then, he started thinking. He was waiting and waiting and he didn't hear any sound. He knew Wali and Wali would normally celebrate after winning.
He would roar. He was especially known for his exuberant celebration. So, what happened? He said, Wali perished somehow.
He was waiting and he saw blood coming out of the cave. Now, blood is blood. He couldn't make out whose blood is it.
He was waiting and he started thinking that if this demon is powerful enough to kill Wali, who is actually more powerful than me, that it will be very difficult for me to defeat him. And if he defeats me, if he kills me, then he will destroy our entire kingdom. I have a duty to protect our kingdom.
So, he decided that I will convert this cave into the tomb of this demon. I will block the cave with a giant boulder. And he exerted himself enormously, looked around and found a boulder that was such that it would completely cover the cave and the cave was slightly underground.
It was not a mountain cave but more of an underground cave. So, from somewhere from inside he would find it almost impossible to push the boulder aside. And then he came back with a heavy heart.
He informed the citizens and the courtiers what had happened. The whole state went into mourning and then after that the courtiers told him that Wali's son Angad is too young to become the king. You have to become the king.
They reluctantly agreed because they said a kingdom without a king will be attacked, will be vulnerable. And he was ruling and one day he heard a thunderous sound. Someone was, some very powerful person was charging into the kingdom and he heard roar along with it.
His heart left with joy. That sounded like Wali. And he looked at him and he saw Wali bursting into the court and at one moment his heart was filled with joy and the next moment a chill went down his spine because he saw Wali's eyes were bloodshot.
He was red, his entire face was red. Sukri understood. He saw Sukri on the throne.
Wali thought that it is Sukri who trapped me inside that cage. And he trapped me so that he could take over the throne. Sukri got up this throne to come forward and embrace and go down to Wali but Wali just smacked him in the face and Wali fell back.
Wali charged upon him and started beating him. Sukri was trying to explain. Sukri had no desire to fight with his brother.
But Wali was not ready to listen at all and nobody was ready to speak at that time. So Sukri decided, Wali is too angry right now, let me flee from here. Afterwards when he is cooled down, then I will speak.
Then I will come. Unfortunately when Sukri fled, Wali saw it as confirmation. If he were innocent, why would he flee from here? And that made him even more angry.
He wanted to give cheese but he was already tired. Let him go, I will catch him later. Sukri waited.
He tried to meet Wali but Wali was just not ready to listen. Wali charged to attack him. He was beating him.
Now generally when we say anger with the passage of time, what happens to anger? It subsides. It becomes cool. That is true but that is not the only thing that happens.
If too much time passes, anger doesn't become cool, it becomes cold. What is the difference between cool and cold? When anger becomes cool, in both cases the person becomes thoughtful. Anger is a very expensive emotion psychologically and physiologically.
Nobody can be angry for a very long time. So the anger has to go down. But when the anger becomes cool, at that time the person becomes introspectively thoughtful.
What exactly happened? Did I do anything to provoke this person? How might I have contributed to this? When anger becomes cold, the person becomes hatefully thoughtful. What do you mean hatefully thoughtful? The person becomes filled with hate. Generally at the level of anger person becomes calculating.
How can I hurt you the most? You did this to me, I will show you. So anger is hot headed, hate is cold blooded. And when this happens, it's extremely difficult to resolve issues at that time.
Now if two people have a conflict with each other, I have one of my services, I do mediation at times, you know, one person I have mediation with two people and I know you are angry with me. No, I am not angry with you. Anger is an expensive emotion.
And I have decided you are not worth it. It's not that the situation is not worth it, you are not worth it. It's dehumanizing, dismissing, deriding the person itself.
When somebody has that kind of attitude, it's very difficult to resolve the issue. So, we'll discuss how anger can go down in a destructive direction. How anger becomes cold, it can become hateful.
So, I'll discuss broadly four stages. And I'll use an acronym AIDS. Anger can be like AIDS, it can be a fatal disease, or at least a non-curable disease.
Generally, anger arises from arrogance. Now, what do I mean by arrogance over here? That, I am right, my judgment is right. Now, to some extent, anybody who has been successful in their life to some degrees, somebody is a leader, somebody is successful, they have a certain trust in their judgment.
That's how they have succeeded in their lives. So, that is perfectly understandable. But arrogance is actually not just confidence, it is over confidence.
I am right, you can put it more like, I can't be wrong, my judgment can't be wrong. So, Vali arrived at a particular judgment. You are sitting on the throne, you must be, you must be here to preserve your position.
So, it's not just, yeah, it's ego. It is basically the refusal to even consider that I could be wrong. Especially in particular situations, because arrogance can blind us.
And then, once we have this arrogance, then, there is inconsiderateness. That is, your side of the story is not even worth hearing. You are so clearly guilty that whatever you are going to say, it is just going to be a falsity.
Generally, whenever any provocative incident has happened, now, there is, there is, say, my side of the story, and then there is your side of the story, and then there is the story. So, none of us has the full picture. So, your view is not even worth hearing.
Now, arrogance at one level, I put this in a downward direction, so, basically, each of these points starts making the anger worse and worse and worse. That, he did not even give Sugriv a chance to clarify. Somebody will say, you know, whenever you clarify, you just spin a tale, and then you will try to justify, you will try to mislead.
So, okay, that's possible, but, they had been together, they are the same family, they had been together for decades, they had fought many wars together. Sugriv had always been faithful to him. So, if Sugriv had turned against him like this, at least he could have heard, what happened? Why did you do something like this? So, even when people's actions are not worth accepting, still, their motivations are worth understanding.
Their actions are maybe unacceptable, but still understanding, you know, what were you thinking? Why did you do this? So, that gives us some glimpse to understand whether, whether the person, was it just as a mistake, that person has an evil heart, why did they do something like this? So, basically, action may be completely unacceptable. You could never do like this, but still, their motivation, their reasoning, nobody does anything, even when somebody says some action unreasonable, even an unreasonable action has some reasoning behind it. The reasoning may not be sound, but, even if the action is unacceptable, the reasoning is still worth understanding, because then we get to understand the person, but then, after this, what happened? It was even worse.
So, generally, when there is anger, like earlier talked about, there are barriers that come to the expression of anger. So, I may get angry with you, because you didn't do something that I told you to do, or you did something the opposite of what I wanted you to do. And that's natural.
I may be so angry with you, I'm not ready to hear you at all. But then, we don't just live in an isolated world where only I and you are there. There are other people around.
So, this is where things start becoming dark. There is dismissiveness. You are all naive fools.
You know, I will never hear you. This is where a person becomes almost impossible to resolve that issue. I remember my mediation and then one person told the other, I can see that you are very angry with me.
Can you tell me what have I done to make you so angry? And the person said, you exist. Now, if somebody starts doing like this, what can you do? You want me to stop existing just so that you will not be angry? That is outrageous. But this is not the worst case.
The worst case, last thing that happens is self-righteousness. Self-righteousness means that what you did was so terrible that you deserve to be punished. And whatever I do to punish you, that is right.
So, basically, self-righteousness in this case means the ends justify the means. The ends is that punishing you. And the means is whatever I do to punish you is right.
This is a place where a person becomes, it becomes a very deadly situation. Now, this is where sometimes people can become murderers, people can become genocidal. Okay, one person from one community did something and we decided that everybody from that community has to be destroyed.
So, self-righteousness is extremely dangerous. So, in the case of Wali, what happened? Wali was trying to punish Sugri, catch him and beat him and punish him, but somehow Sugri would escape. Wali was an expert fighter and Sugri also had learnt from Wali.
So, Wali also knew Wali's mind to a certain extent. So, where Wali would try to catch him, what kind of traps Wali would set and he just got so frustrated by that. He was trying again and again.
He chased Sugri far and wide and everywhere, wherever it was, Sugri would escape. Wali would think, I am just going to catch him right now and then Sugri would somehow escape. Sugri also realised that this is not sustainable.
I have to find some sanctuary. And then as fate would have it, he found a safe sanctuary just right next to Wali's kingdom. At one time, Wali had killed a demon named Bundubhi and in his rage and his arrogance wanting to brandish his power, after killing the demon, he had spun the body of the demon and whirled it into the air to throw it away.
So, now when he had thrown the body away, that body had gone and fallen near the hermitage of a sage, Matang Rishi and some of the blood from that carcass of the demon had fallen to the sacrificial arena of the sage. The sage's sacrifice had thus been spoiled and ruined. So the sage had got angry and he had said that, now Wali was not wrong in killing the demon, because you are so proud of your power, because you have desecrated my place of sacrifice.
So, I curse you that if you ever come here again with your unholy presence, you will fall dead. Now, Wali was very powerful, but the sages had mystical powers. So, Wali respected that curse and he couldn't come in.
So, this was very close to the kingdom of Wali and that is where Sugriva found shelter. And this enraged Wali even more. Like, Sugriva is so close and still I cannot reach him.
I was giving a class on this in California and there were some devotees from China and Taiwan who were there. So, one devotee told me that this is how China feels about Taiwan. Anyway, it's so close but you cannot reach it.
So, then, at this particular point, Wali decided, I have to get back at you. And then he did something which was utterly unconscious and reprehensible. This is where self-righteousness can completely blind our, dumb and blind our normalcy.
He says, if I cannot get back at you, I will get back at you through your family. Now, when Sugri had left, his wife was still in the kingdom. So, he took Sugri's wife, Ruma, for himself.
Now, when this happened, there are many things which relationship conflict can survive but there are certain boundaries. When they are crossed, relationships are practically ruined forever. So, now, just a few days ago, if anybody had even suggested few days, few weeks ago, if somebody had even suggested to Wali that he might do something like this, Wali would have scorned at the idea, he would have got enraged at anybody thinking of something like this also.
But that's what he ended doing. This is what I said, anger becomes cold and it becomes hateful. And once a person becomes hateful, that person can do horrendous things.
So, I thought this is a good person, why is this person doing like this? So, when somebody starts believing that my cause is so right, that whatever I do to fulfill that cause is right, then that person starts going into extremely dark place. So, such is the destructive power of anger. Now, I won't be able to talk about a solution today, I don't want to end this on a cold note, but the point is that forewarned, to be forewarned is to be forearmed.
That each of these steps, arrogance, inconsiderateness, dismissiveness, self-righteousness, at each of these stages, we can create barriers for ourselves. That means that, now, the opposite of arrogance would be that, we'll talk about elaborating on all of these points tomorrow, in the second session, but, the opposite of arrogance would be humility. Humility just means that, maybe, maybe I might be wrong, maybe I don't know enough about this situation.
So, exactly how humility works, that we'll talk about it tomorrow. Inconsiderateness, there, there is basic level of openness. Okay.
Now, Wally was much more powerful than Sugreev. Wally would at least have heard it out. The openness of open-mindedness.
When we are close-minded, when we are narrow-minded, we just don't care for other people. So, it's openness to hearing the other person. Then, as far as this specific is concerned, we need friendship, we need close association.
And our association friendship, how that can help us. And then, lastly, we all need some non-negotiable boundaries. We all have some boundaries, but some boundary is non-negotiable.
Some which is negotiable. If somebody has no non-negotiable boundaries, then what anger might impel them to do, it could be unthinkable. So, how these boundaries we can implement in our life and how, what happened in the Wali-Sufi relationship eventually, was there reconciliation, if there was, how did it go about, that we'll be discussing in tomorrow's session.
So, I'll summarize what we discussed today. Broadly, I discussed three points. First, we started by discussing about the four approaches to the Ramayan.
Do you remember the four approaches? What is the acronym? Leave. okay. What are the, L was? Literal.
At this level, just look at the story and enjoy the story. E was? Ethical. That is where we look for guidance.
We have to understand how people chose. A was? Allegorical. And then D was? Devotional.
So, each of these approaches can help us to dive deeper into the wisdom of the story and learn from it. Then, after that, we discussed about anger itself, the genesis of anger. So, anger basically arises through three factors.
What are the three factors? Anger means anger, but the expression of anger. First is what? Desire. Especially strength of the desire.
A common element of anger is frustrated desire. But it is not that all frustrated desires lead us to anger. It depends on how strong the desire is.
And the second is? Power. So, how much power do we have to express our frustration? And the third is? Our culture, our nature, our habits. Basically, essentially, what is there internally within us? So, how strong the desire is, how much external influence we have, and what are the impressions inside us? So, anger arises based on these things.
And then, we discussed about how anger with time can go in two different directions. What are the two different directions? It can cool, it can also become cold. Cold means the person becomes hateful.
So, the person becomes peaceful, but they are hatefully peaceful. They are not thoughtfully peaceful. They are not retrospectively peaceful.
And how does this happen? We discussed day. What are the acronyms over here? Aids. So, A is arrogance.
What does arrogance mean in this context? I can't be wrong. And I was inconsiderateness. That is, your side of the story is not even worth hearing.
Then, dismissiveness. That is, anybody who supports the other person, that person is naive or is evil or is against me, whatever. And the last is, self-righteousness.
Where, you are such a terrible person that whatever I do to punish you, that is not terrible, that is right. So, this can take a person to become hateful. So, this is the place where Vali ended up in, in his misunderstanding with Sugriva.
And how this dark trajectory can be countered, that we'll discuss tomorrow. Thank you very much. Hare Krishna.
Questions? Yes. Actually, this anger, right, again, it can be controlled by maturity with experience and experience. Like, knowing the context behind what we are discussing, right? So, how that relates to what we are arguing.
Yeah, I think that, let's see, if arrogance is not there, then okay, something has happened. Then, what exactly happened? Let me find out first. See, what anger does is, anger, it gives us a sense of false certainty.
This is what has happened and this is the solution. So, by inquiring more, definitely, anger can be countered. But, anger, when the surge of anger comes, one feels there is no need to do anything.
So, that's why it becomes a problem. But, yes, definitely, if we clarify, if we try to understand, then anger's power can be subsided. Yeah.
Would you say that there is always an element of hate with anger or is it only after a lot of time that it becomes, that there is hate? No, I don't think there is always hate. Sometimes, our strongest anger is towards the people we love. Parents may get very angry with the child because they care for the child.
Now, if any child is, playing on the street, we'll be concerned. But, if it's not our child, then we may still try to be angry to protect the child. So, anger can very well be an expression of love also.
But, the point is that anger over time, if it's just buried within, without anything being done about it, that's when it can go towards hate. Thank you. Yes, please.
Is controlling the breath could help to control the anger? Okay, can controlling the breath help us control the anger? Yes, certainly. It is not exactly controlling the anger. It is basically outlasting anger.
See, what happens is, when anger comes, it's, we consider anger comes like a surge. It's not that we stay angry constantly. So, if we can do something like deep breathing, then basically that deep breathing gives us some space and time by which we can outlast the anger.
So, it doesn't control, it actually basically outlasting the anger. Yes? Relaxing our minds can help us cool down from all of the anger we have? Can relaxing our body help us to cool down the anger? Yes, definitely. So, basically, see, anger arises in the mind, but it expresses itself in the body.
Now, removing it from the mind is very difficult. But, Krishna says, tasmaat to vindriyanya do. Start with the senses.
So, basically, tomorrow we will be discussing about it. Anger, we will talk about anger in So, there is an outside-in approach and there is an inside-out approach. So, like deep breathing, or just consciously relaxing our muscles, so there is an outside-in approach.
Basically, the physical expressions of the anger that are coming up, we try to let go of them. And then when we let go of them, then gradually because of that, the inside emergence that may also subside. Yes, so what can kids do so that they don't become angry? I thought this class was for the parents.
I mean, I don't But would say there are two things over here, that kids learn by observation. So, at the very least, now we cannot protect our kids from what kind of things they want to observe when they go to school, when they watch TV. We can try to limit to some extent.
But basically they are going to see various ways in which anger is expressed. But in general, children, they, if they are given a sense of boundaries, that is one of the unpleasant aspects of parenting. It is one of the most important words that a child when he is growing up, he or she is growing up, the child tends to hear, is, you cannot do this.
Say, if there are two kids in a family, and everybody is sitting for dinner, and the food in one kid's plate is over, and the food just takes, the kid just puts a hand in the other kid's plate and starts taking the food. The parents say, if you want more food, you can have it, but don't take from his or her plate. You say, what's the big deal? We're all in the same family.
Well, yes, and no. If the kid is working in a company and there's a corporate dinner. So, basically, parents have to give children a sense of boundaries.
So, that's from the parents' perspective. One way the boundaries are given by is that there have to be consequences of this anger. Of course, boundaries also come by observation.
Generally, parents may get angry with each other and somebody else, but they don't express that anger in front of the children. So, children are also aware of, you know, children, by their very nature, they're always exploring how far they can push, what they can get away with. Okay, I've been told I cannot play outside the house.
Can I just play outside the house in the courtyard? Okay, can I play on the pavement but not on the road? Can I play on the road? They're always trying to explore. So, parents have to, parents have to make sure that certain actually communicated to non-negotiable. Now, the parents are making every boundary non-negotiable, the kid will become suffocated and eventually the kid will rebel against all boundaries.
But, that's first of all from the point of view of parents. Now, from the kid's perspective, think what was discussed over here. Say, any way in which the expression of anger can be delayed.
Generally, in childhood, our emotions are volatile. They are not very deep-rooted. They come, they are like flash floods.
They come and then they go. So, generally in childhood, a person will not, their anger will never go towards hatred. So, just sometime, how can it be done? Maybe, some channel needs to be given.
So, ideally speaking, is that if we consider the point which I will discuss tomorrow, but let's discuss it today also. See, there are things that feel good for us. And then, there are things that are good for us.
So, generally, when something feels good, to stop that and do something else that doesn't feel good is very difficult. So, getting angry feels good. It gives us a sense of power at that time.
So then, don't get angry if you say, that doesn't work so well. So, if something can be found that feels good and is also good. So, if a kid likes music, when you feel angry, maybe have some good music, or you yourself sing some song, sing some devotional song.
So, basically, you have to find some way to help that child delay that expression of anger till the sadness subsides. And what will help? Deep breathing can help. Relaxing one's muscles can help.
So, depending on the particular interest of the child, different children have, some children may have more of linguistic interest. Maybe they can keep some codes about anger, read that code, remember that code, just repeat that code. Basically, we have to at that time provide them some resources for delaying the expression of anger.
And that may often be requiring a cooperative search on the part of the child and the parent. Not all children may just respond to deep breathing. Not all children may respond to relaxing of muscles.
But what might it be? Some children are more visual. Maybe there is some attractive picture, could be these attractive picture of nature. Just look at that picture and they start feeling calm.
So, we have to find out individually. How can anger be renounced? Well, generally, the Bhagavad Gita is a very book which is 700 verses. So, Bhagavad Gita is universal wisdom.
It also is spoken at a particular time to a particular person. It is spoken to Arjuna. Krishna has also told Arjuna to fight.
How can Arjuna fight without anger? Well, there is a whole worldview behind it. So, basically, Krishna tells Arjuna to fight, but don't fight to take revenge. Fight for justice.
Fight for establishing law and order. So, basically, anger is an emotion and we can't wish away that emotion. So, what we need to do is we need to be able to work at ensuring that the expression of that emotion is constructive.
So, one may not, generally, see, in 523 Krishna says, शक्णोतियय यसोडूं प्राक्षरीव मोक्षनात् काम क्रोधोद बवं वेगं स्युक्तास सुखी नरा Krishna says that, just by our being in an embodied condition, प्राक्षरीव मोक्षनात् because of being in a body, we will have desire and anger, काम and क्रोधोद. We will desire things and when those things don't work out, we will get anger. But Krishna says, as we mature, we will become सोडूं, we will become capable of tolerating the urges of desire and anger.
So he says renounce anger means not that we'll never feel anger, rather we will renounce the unhealthy expressions of anger. And how to do that, that's what we'll be discussing tomorrow. Any last question? You had a question? Yeah.
I would like to understand, how is it related to Guna, it seems Tamaguna has more anger than Sattva Guna, as you said, tolerating the anger is less or the desire of anger is less, or how is it related? Okay, so, how is it related to the modes? See, the modes is a complicated subject, but let me try to explain briefly. Do you have some Lavang or something like that? not Lavang, Glavang. So, the modes are basically like gears, like a car or a bike, it can move in different gears.
So, each mode has, it impels us to, when we are in a particular mode, we function in a particular way. So, in general, we could say that the modes shape the expression of our desires and emotions. If you consider Devatas and Asuras, the Devatas also have, say for example, desire, Devatas also have karma, Asuras also have karma, the demons also have those desires, but the key difference between the thing, the key difference is that the Asuras their expressions of their desires within boundaries.
The Asuras, they don't care for boundaries. So, Sattva, Rajas, Tamas, each of them is associated with boundaries. In Sattva, the boundary is much stronger, the boundary is much, you could say, narrower.
In Rajas, it is a bit bigger. In Tamas, it may just, there is no boundary at all. The only boundary is what is limited by one's power.
So, now, if we are in Sattva, we never come across a class like this, you know. Yeah, we are getting a little late, but we are going to continue the topic tomorrow. So everyone, please join us tomorrow at our home.
It's not far from here, five minutes. We can stay here today. We can stay here today and then just continue.