Resentful to Resourceful: Learning from Sita || San Diego

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Sai Gaur Premanand.
I am grateful to be here and all of you today. And I will speak today on the topic of when things go wrong as we often do in life. How to be when things go wrong.
I will use this as a whiteboard. Hopefully, things don’t go wrong here. So, there are two choices we have.
We can either be resentful or we can be resourceful. So, we will see how we can choose to be resourceful when things are going wrong. And I will speak this based on the an incident from the Ramayana.
The Ramayana itself is a well-known celebrated epic. And Bhaktivinoda Thakur in his Krishna Samhita explains that the sacred stories like in the Bhagavatam, the Mahabharata Ramayana, they can be understood at three levels. You can refer to them as the acronym LAD.
L-A-D. So, L is at a literal level. At a literal level, we just delight in the story.
And this is wonderful. The story is intriguing. If you understand at a literal level, we all need some level of entertainment.
Yuktahar, Viharasya, Vishwasvara. We are, we need entertainment. So, at this level, it can be pious entertainment for us.
People watch mundane action movies and romance and all other things. Now, all those things are there in this epics. So, at literal level also we are very attracted.
In the second level, so this, he says, is primarily for the Kanishta. At the introductory level, Kanishta is the first level at which people approach at a literal level. The second is the analytical level.
This is where often those who are Madhyama, those who are above the Kanishta level. So, now, he is not necessarily using here the words Kanishta, Madhyama, and what is the third word being? Uttama, yes. He does not necessarily use the words in the same sense in which they are used in the nectar of devotion as he normally did.
He is talking about three levels. Kanishta, Madhyama, Uttama are three, are just generic words in Bengali and it is also in Sanskrit also to refer to multiple levels. So, those who want to go above the literal level, they try to analyse.
In the analytical, sometimes they look for ethical lessons. What ethical means is that you look for what did this character do at this point? What was the right choice? Did they make the right choice? What else could they have done? Then another is also metaphorical. Where, what does this character represent? What does this incident represent? So, for example, Ravana is also seen metaphorically as what? He is the embodiment or personification of something.
What is that? Lust. Lust, yes. So, who is Ravana is important.
We will get a historical answer for that. But then, what is wrong? That is, self-seeking desire that becomes utterly destructive. Destructive for others and destructive for oneself.
So now, at this level, one gets guidance. We learn how we should act in our life. And then beyond that is the devotional or the transcendental level.
Here, we see everything simply as nila. And we understand all the events in such sacred texts are actually arranged by the Lord for His purpose. And at this point, here, there is basically relish.
We don’t seem to analyse too much. We want to relish the pastimes. Now, those who are at the uttam level can also come to the madhyam level and analyse.
But they don’t delight in that. They are delighted, Oh, this is my wonderful Lord, and He did this, and those who are associated with Him did this, this. Their heart delights in that.
Now, Bhaktivinoda Thakur makes it very emphatic that people who are at the madhyam level, they often look down at those who are at the literal level. What else? You know, you hear the stories, and you hear the same stories again and again, and some of these stories have fantastic elements. This is childish.
So, madhyama, their mistake is that often they equate literal with the devotional. Devotees may also seem to be taking things at the literal level, but devotees are understanding this is not such a story for entertainment, this is the ultimate reality, and these two are not equal. Now, in general, for us to learn and benefit, which level do you think will be the most helpful? Among these three levels? Sorry? The madhyam level, yes.
The analytical level. And so, let’s take a simple example to illustrate this. Say, Prabhupada at one level says the Kurukshetra battle is historical.
Kurukshetra is a place that exists. It’s literal. But then, Prabhupada also takes it at an ethical level, for example.
He says that in the first chapter of Parpot, he says that Arjuna is thinking carefully before acting, and that shows Arjuna’s readiness to receive the exalted vision of the Bhagavad Gita. Or, Prabhupada takes another perspective. In the second chapter, Arjuna is in tears.
This shows that although he’s speaking big words, he doesn’t know the ultimate reality. And he’s attached. So, Prabhupada is doing an ethical analysis over here.
Now, especially with respect to sacred characters, when we do ethical analysis, it’s important to understand that our focus is not on who is right. It is more on what is right. That’s why, as I mentioned, Prabhupada, in the first chapter and the second chapter of Parpot, seems to take slightly opposite texts.
So, Arjuna is more thoughtful. He’s ready for the knowledge of the Bhagavad Gita. Arjuna is attached.
Everybody is suffering from the same disease. That’s why he’s having tears. So, the point is, Prabhupada is doing an analysis.
Before acting, we should think. And then, we shouldn’t be attached to externals, to the physical level. It’s more towards the ethical level.
And, Prabhupada also speaks to the devotional level. He says that actually, Arjuna’s confusion at the start of the Gita was an arrangement of Krishna. So that Krishna would speak the Bhagavad Gita.
So, these three are distinct levels at which we can understand scripture. And, in general, for us, if we want guidance for our lives, Prabhupada’s Parpots, or even when Arjuna tells the Katha, they tell the stories. But they also give some lessons, devotional lessons, practical lessons.
And that’s where they’re analysing it at an ethical level. And sometimes, they also analyse at a metaphorical level. The metaphorical level is not wrong.
But it can become problematic, especially when it replaces the literal level. And they say, actually, there is no Guru-Krita war. It only symbolises the human body.
And the battle between lower and higher desires. When it’s reduced only to symbolism, it becomes a problem. But, there can be symbolic meanings to things.
So, for example, Devaki had six children who were killed. And those six children represent the six anarthas. And those need to be removed from our heart before the Guru and the Lord actually appear over there.
Like Balram and Krishna. So, there are metaphorical meanings. But, the key is, when we have metaphorical meanings, the metaphorical meanings should be a complement.
Complement means in addition. Complement means they complement. Complement means they complete.
Or supplement means they add. They can be complement or supplement. But, they should not be a replacement.
To what? To the literal. They are not a replacement to the literal. So, now, with this background, this might seem a little philosophical, but, let’s move forward.
What was the topic I said I will be discussing? Do you remember what we discussed? Yeah, of course, already something has gone wrong. So, we will talk about the incident from the Ramayana, which is probably one of the most traumatic incidents. That is the abduction of Sita.
Now, we will talk about it from Sita’s perspective here. Now, how she acted? See, generally, when things go wrong, it can be broadly due to our mistakes, others’ mistakes, and things beyond our control. All these three can combine.
And quite often, when things go wrong, our mind can interpret that in different ways. See, in life, things go wrong for everyone. And we are not perfect.
We commit mistakes. And sometimes, others commit mistakes and because we are interconnected, we have to suffer because of their mistakes. Sometimes, say, if somebody is driving a car, and they are just driving carefully, and somebody is drunk, and that person is driving.
In that case, it’s clearly somebody else’s mistake. Sometimes, they are driving and maybe they didn’t check the brakes of the car and the car skids off the road and they press the brakes and the brakes don’t happen. So, you could say it’s their mistake.
Sometimes, they are just driving a car and they get caught in a storm or a tornado or something. The car gets swept away. Then, it’s something beyond our control.
So, generally speaking, everyone in life will have things going wrong. And when things go wrong, basically, at that time, we lose something. Maybe, say, if our car gets thrown upside down, we get injured, our car gets damaged, an accident occurs, there is a loss of limb or loss of health, loss of wealth, whatever.
So, loss comes in our life. And at such times, how does our mind interpret? So, that is what we will try to see. We will try to see how it can be minimised or avoided.
The negative interpretations of the mind. So, now, in this case, Sita had insisted to Ram that I will come with you to the forest. And they had gone through almost the entire exile.
How many years was the exile? 14 years. And nearly 13 years, little more than, little less than 13 years, were over. And it seemed like, okay, things had been bad, but not very bad.
There had been one demon, Kabandha, who had one time abducted Sita and then Lord Ram and Lakshmi had rescued her. Not abducted, just grabbed her. And then they Kabandha bahu ched Lord Ram.
So, Lord Ram cut off his arms and he survived. So, apart from that, there had not been any major incidents. And then, now, they suspected something might go wrong, because of the confrontations of the Rakshasas.
Basically, there had been two confrontations. Which were the two confrontations? Just in those last phase, before the abduction, there had been two confrontations with the Rakshasas. Do you remember? Yes.
Kharadushana, and before that? Yes, yes. Shurpanakha, yes. Shurpanakha.
So, now what had happened was, Shurpanakha had tried to attack Sita and then Lord Ram had ordered Lakshmi to stop her. And she had been humiliated because she had been mutilated. And then, Kharadushana attacked.
And Lord Ram had single-handedly defeated all of them. So now, there was some fear that something might go wrong. And then, whenever there is a war, generally, when the enemy seems to be retreating, it’s quite likely that they are going back to regroup for a bigger attack.
So now, when this was happening, so, this is what was actually happening. So, Shurpanakha triggered Ravana’s lust. And then Ravana decided to use Marichi.
And then, there was a certain level of tension. Sita was confident. Ram and Lakshmi were quite capable of protecting her.
But still, if there is danger, there has to be a certain level of alertness. And then, this magical deer came over there. Now, when this magical deer came, what happened? It started playing around.
And instead of playing around, then Harmitai, Sita saw it and she was captivated. Now, we may say, why does she have to be captivated by deer? The all-attractive lord is there next to her. So, the lord is already dear to her.
So, why did the deer become dear to her? Now, the thing was that she was not just selfishly attracted to the deer. She thought because of all this tension, this deer is going to be there. This deer can be our pet.
We can play with it. There will be some relief. And then she said that, this deer is so beautiful.
Even when she was in the forest, she was thinking back of her family. And she thought, say, if we are in America, when we are going back to India, we take people in suitcases with gifts. We take those gifts home to give to our loved ones.
So, Sita thought that this deer can be a gift to Kaushalya. This is a memento from our forest. So, we could say how things went wrong.
The first was, it didn’t seem to be wrong. There was this deer-deer. The deer that became dear.
At this level, we could say the desire for this deer was at one level, it was a selfless desire. She wanted some personal pleasure but this deer can be a special gift. So, Lakshman also said, this is the kind of deer we never see.
Lakshman was suspicious but the very thing that made Lakshman suspicious made Sita even more desirous. She said, because no one has seen a deer like this, therefore, it will be a special gift. Isn’t it? So, the same thing can be perceived in a different way.
It was suspicious or it could be desirous. Nobody has seen it. So, she chose to be desirous.
And then Rama came. Rama went out to search for, to get the deer. He went far away.
Lord Ram is known as Amoghasanam. His arrow never misses its target. In this case, he chased the deer because Maya Vrindayitam Anvadhavad Maya Vrindayitam Anvadhavad.
He ran after that deer. Why? It was not that the deer was dear to him. He didn’t want to kill the deer.
He wanted the deer alive where he could give it to Sita. So, he kept chasing the deer a bit far away. And then as per plan, we know that when Manisha was about to die, Lord Rama realised this is not ordinary deer.
This is jumping up, coming down, disappearing, appearing. This is a demon. So, he decided to kill it.
And just when he shot the arrow, that time Manisha called out to Rama. Called out to? Rama? No. Lakshman.
Called out to Lakshman. And Lakshman was confident nothing was wrong. But Sita fell down.
Now, what happens is that generally, if we tell someone to do something for us and then the very thought that they might get into trouble because they were doing something for us, then that fills us with greater anxiety than usual. If they had gone out to do something which they wanted and then something happens, anytime anything bad happens to anyone who is dear to us, it’s difficult to deal. But, if they have gone out to do something for us, then the thought that they might have got into trouble, that becomes unbearable.
So, when Abhimanyu was sent into the Chakravyuh on the 13th day and Abhimanyu was killed, Yudhishthir felt shattered by that. Because it was to do his bidding that Abhimanyu had gone. In fact, Yudhishthir was so disturbed, he said, I will break into the Taurava ranks and I will either avenge the death of Abhimanyu or I will die myself.
That enraged Abhimanyu had to come and stop. So, now when he sent Lakshman away, it was out of natural concern. Natural concern plus concern for the fact that he and Lord Ram had gone for my sake.
So, there was, generally Lakshman was very submissive and Sita was also always very almost like, almost maternal to him. They had a very sweet relationship and this was the first really bitter interaction. When we love someone and then we have unpleasant interactions, fierce interactions, that already leaves a sore taste in our mouth.
Why did this happen? Why did this person not listen to me? Now, Sita spoke some words which she regretted afterwards. It was not that she thought Lakshman was like that. She just wanted to somehow get Lakshman to go.
So now, what did I speak to him? Generally, if we care for people, then we also understand their expressions. And we understand their expressions, so when we speak some words, what impact those words have on them, we can observe. So, in general, when people speak harshly, it is good to consider the circumstances.
So, the principle here is, don’t see intention in what is spoken in tension. So, how could Sita have spoken something like this to Lakshman? Did she think that he was so degraded? No. The point was, in tension, we all sometimes speak something, life can get to us.
Like, the best of us can sometimes be a victim of circumstances. That doesn’t completely excuse our words, but at least it makes them understand. So, if you have one-off thing, don’t take it too seriously.
So, that’s a different incident. But, already, there was some regret. Regret about the way the things had happened.
Regret about the words she had spoken. She still wanted Lakshman to go. What’s wrong? He said, no, you are in danger.
She said, no, Ram is in danger. A natural sign of love is that, more than our concern for ourselves, is our concern for our object of love. So, Sita’s insistence that Lakshman go away was in no way wrong.
Then, Rahul was just waiting over there. As soon as Lakshman went away, Rahul sat behind him. And he couldn’t get Sita to come out.
Now, in later retellings of the Ramayana, Lakshman has clearly mentioned it. So, when he couldn’t get Sita to come out, he said, please wait, my husband will come back and then serve you. She was a cultured lady, so she respected the sage and she respectfully kept her distance from him.
She said, I am not going to keep my foot right now. And he, generally speaking, we all have certain good qualities and certain bad qualities. Now, we all understand that our bad qualities, we need to be cautious about.
If somebody has a tendency to spend a lot of money, maybe they go to a shop and there are people who are shopaholics. Like shop, shop, shop, shop till you drop. If somebody has a tendency, then we have to guard against our vices.
We have to have boundaries against them. But in this case, Sita, when we do something bad and we suffer, we still feel bad about it. But when we have a virtue, we don’t spend money carelessly.
But, say, if somebody is in need, we give money to them kindly. We do charity. And then somebody exploits us for our charity.
Now, then we feel very bad. When I do good and I get bad, then it is not just a feeling of feeling of betrayal from that person. It’s also, you know, what kind of world do I live in? And what kind of person am I? I couldn’t judge this person’s character.
So, in the case of Ravan, it was Sita’s service attitude that he exploited. Ravan said, I’m hungry right now. If you don’t give me food, then do you want to risk the curse of a sage? Do you want that curse to fall on your entire family? And then, as soon as Sita came out, she was abducted.
Now here, we could say, at this point, coming out of the wandering, this you could say was a mistake at one level. But, it was a mistake wherein, what had happened was her good intentions and her good qualities, they were exploited by Ravan. So, what happens is, when something like this happens, see, whenever we commit a mistake, it’s natural, if we get consequences, we feel bad.
But, when our virtues are exploited by someone, then, there’s a big sense of betrayal. So, the betrayal can be about that person. How could this person have done that to me? It could be about the world itself.
This is even worse. The world is a terrible place. I was in California and I saw a car bumper, a sticker, it had a quote.
The more I get to know people, the more I love my dog. So, sometimes people just start thinking that everybody is untrustworthy. And, the worst is ourselves.
That means, oh, this person is untrustworthy, the world is untrustworthy, and third is, I am myself untrustworthy because I could not read this person. So, I can’t trust myself. When that happens, the person becomes very difficult to process.
Now, after that, as Ravana was abducting, carrying her away, she saw Jatayu. Now, Sita was, after all, a warrior’s queen. She knew, she couldn’t really assess the comparative strengths of different warriors.
And so, she immediately called out to Jatayu. She says, please tell Ram that I have been abducted. And she says, please don’t fight against this Ram.
Because he is too strong for you. Now, to her horror and dismay, Jatayu flew straight. And you know, sometimes, one of my relatives, he is supposed to become a devotee, but he is also a very avid cricket fan.
So, he was telling me that when India lost in the World Cup finals, it was like, he felt it was like, you are seeing a ship sinking and you are hoping, in his hopes, a miracle will happen, that the ship will not sink. But, it’s just sinking, it’s sinking, it’s sinking. Sometimes, it appears it’s not sinking.
Something is happening. But then, it just sinks. So, Sita was somehow hoping that maybe Jatayu will win.
Initially, it seemed as if Jatayu might win. Jatayu just pulled off the arms of Ram. Jatayu destroyed the chariot of Ram.
And it was formidable, what he did. It was stunning. But, Jatayu was just, he was a protector.
And his protective instincts empowered him. But, the problem was that he was old. And his energy started going down.
He kept fighting. But, his speed started decreasing. And Ravan, he thought, this pesky vulture, what is he going to do? But, he saw it as so powerful.
Ravan was a sure warrior. So, Ravan, he just kept dodging the blows of Jatayu. And he was waiting, waiting.
So, and this Jatayu came in to attack. And because of his style, he tried to move away. He just couldn’t move away fast enough.
And his wings were all blown off. Now, here, Jatayu had become something like a father figure for Sita Ram Lakshmi. He had been a friend of Dashrath.
So, when this happened, it was, you could say, it was, at this level, it was her own mistake. Now, was this Jatayu’s mistake? Now, we can say Jatayu attained martyrdom. And Jatayu, fortunately, or determinately, stayed awake, or stayed alive, held on to his life till Ram came and he informed Ram.
But, Sita did not know this. So, Ram just swooped over again, grabbed her, and then Dashrath had taken her to her lakshmi. Now, we see that here, one after another, after another, so many things gone wrong.
Here, it’s, there’s a good desire, there’s a good intention, but the good intention is exploited. And then, it’s her mistake, it’s others’ mistake. What is going on? Generally, processing one bad thing that happens to us is difficult enough.
But if multiple bad things start happening, it can become very difficult to process. And, when multiple bad things start happening, then it is easy to become resentful. The world is a terrible place.
Everything is terrible. And then, we can also, it’s ironic that the more we become resentful, the more we also tend to become hopeless. The more resentment fills inside us, the more hope comes away.
So, both of these, resentment and hope, they are associated with things outside of us or things beyond us. Hope is that whatever is beyond my control will work out for good. Resentment is whatever is beyond my control, why is it working out of that? So, when one starts increasing, the other starts decreasing.
And, generally, as I said earlier, loss is something which everyone faces in life. Everyone, somebody may not, may lose their job, somebody may lose an opportunity for promotion, somebody may lose a competitive opportunity to get into a particular college. A loss is generally painful.
The only loss that is joyful is weight loss. All other losses are painful. But then, how much pain? So, at one level, so this is the event.
Event was there’s some loss. Now, there is the is how we experience the event. That is based on the mind’s interpretation.
The mind’s interpretation is, okay, so an objective level would be I have lost. Okay, I have this opportunity, I have lost this opportunity. But a worse interpretation could be I am lost.
So, I have lost means I am going on the way, but I don’t get it. I am lost means I don’t even know where to go. I am just lost.
But the worst interpretation is, I am a loser. Now, once our mind starts interpreting like this, so, I am a loser. This is where a person can become not just depressed, but a person can even become suicidal at this point.
The event itself will be terrible, but how we interpret that event, or rather how our mind interprets that event can make it a hundred times worse. When people become suicidal, it’s not, it’s very rare that actually it is the complete end of the road. Yeah, this may have gone wrong, that may have gone wrong, but tomorrow is a fresh day.
And there is always hope. But the mind’s interpretation can be devastating. Now, Sita could just have given in to her business.
But she did not do that. As Ravan was carrying her through the airs, so at that time, she was looking down, she was calling out to someone. And was there anyone? You cannot just keep calling out also.
Calling out screaming is also exhausting. But then, she saw down, she saw there’s some monkey-like beings over there. And she called out, help, help, and they looked up.
And they looked up, so far, far high up, that they couldn’t help. But she saw that they had kind-looking faces. And then, what can I do? So Ravan was carrying her, Ravan was still there, there’s no danger for me, so he was not even noticing what she was doing.
So immediately, while Ravan was holding on to her, she took out some of her ornaments, and she put them in her cloth, and she hurled it down towards those beings. Now, if you can imagine how fast this process has to be actually done, see something, and then see someone down, it is a small act. But, that became later on, a vital clue.
A vital clue for Ravan to find out where Sita was, and later on, find Sita physically. So, first he knows her direction, and then he knows her destination. So, what Sita did was, in that situation, there was very little that she could do.
But, it might be seen as a small act, to send those Indians down. But that indicated that she had not lost hope. She knew that even if she’s gone to burn with trouble, the Lord is not going to forget her.
But Ravan will search for her. And that’s what eventually enabled her to stay patient and persistent. Even when Ravan was tempting her, Ravan was threatening her for a long time.
It was around 11 months that she was in the custody of Ravan. But it felt more than 11 years. But through it all, she was able to maintain her hope.
And, this is the key for us. We, sometimes what happens is, situations, or rather we can say the world, can make our power less. It means, okay, I had this much job, I had this much money, I had this kind of influence.
But then, things change. The world can make our power less. But our mind can make us powerless.
So, when our power becomes less, our mind makes us believe that we are powerless. Now, we are never powerless. In whatever situation we are in, we can always do something.
If nothing else, we can at least remember Krishna. And remembrance of Krishna, what problem does it solve? Well, okay, even if it doesn’t solve the problem, it will at least prevent the negativity from consuming us. It will at least prevent the problem from becoming bigger than what it needs to be.
So, as devotees, even when our power has become less, we still have the power to somehow remember Krishna and then to serve Krishna. Now, the exact way we may remember, if we are in a country, say, for example, there are lots of Indians and lots of devotees there. They cannot go out into public.
They can’t do public distribution. But within, within homes and within halls, there are vibrant yatras. So many people are practising bhakti over there.
So, with respect to remembering and serving, the form may change. How we remember Krishna may change. How we can serve may change.
Sometimes, in particular situations, we can do one service. But sometimes, that service will become impossible for us. When that happens, then, we need to remember that, okay, how can I serve Krishna today? Okay, maybe I cannot go to temple and do physical service.
But maybe I can just call some people, invite them, come down to temple. There’s always some opportunity for service. And it’s not just service in terms of what we go to temple and do.
Service could be in terms of family responsibility, professional responsibility, in every area of our life. Like the example, the Ganga always finds a way to go toward the ocean. When it’s blocked, it may go up, it may go down, it may go round, or it may just erode the rock and move forward.
But it finds a way. So like that, as devotees, we understand that whatever situation we are put in, whether it’s because of my mistake or somebody else’s mistake, whatever it is, ultimately, Krishna has not abandoned me. So Sita’s resourcefulness that came from this one faith that the Lord will never abandon me.
Now while we may not be as dear to the Lord as Sita was, but the principle still remains true. The Lord never abandons us. And because the Lord never abandons us, that is, we should never abandon hope.
In this situation, what can I do? How can I remember Krishna? How can I serve Krishna? How can I act in a way to do something about the situation? In a mode of service, if we keep asking these questions, we’ll find that even in the less power that we have, there are things we can do. And in their own course of time, Sita did not know when wrong would come and be seen. So we can’t always know when things will become better.
But they will. So whether it is our mistakes, it is others’ mistakes, sometimes it is good to analyse and learn. But in trying to analyse and learning, we should get so caught in that analysis and learning that we start beating ourselves up for our mistakes, we start hating others for their mistakes.
We say, okay, who will make whatever mistake? Krishna’s plan is still working. And let me try to see how I can play my part. How can I focus on doing what I can? So when we say service attitude, seva bhav, what it means is we should be Krishna conscious, not mistake conscious.
Now, certainly we shouldn’t be mistake unconscious. Mistakes we have to learn from it. We shouldn’t be karma conscious.
We want to be Krishna conscious. Okay, this was my karma, this was that person’s karma, whatever it is. But whatever be the karma, whatever be the mistake, the important thing is that Krishna’s plan is still working.
And if we keep faith in the fact that Krishna’s plan is still working, then we will be resourceful and eventually Krishna will take us out of this situation as he eventually came and rescued Sita. So I’ll summarise what I discussed today. We broadly discussed on the topic of when things go wrong, what to do.
So the first point I discussed was how to see the Ramayana at three levels. Does anyone remember three levels? L, A and D. So literal is at the level where most of the Krishna’s and the A was? Analytical, where we try to analyse the scripture. And in this we discussed two levels.
Ethical and metaphorical. And the last was? Devotional. So at the literal level, just focus on the story.
At the devotional level, just see everything as the Lord’s Krishna. Now it is this analytical level where we can often get practical guidance for our life in functioning. And then we discussed about when things go wrong.
Broadly, it could be because of three factors. What are the factors? Our mistakes. Others’ mistakes.
Others’ mistakes and then? Mistakes beyond our control. Then just events, things beyond our control. So when I was giving this class, once a person said God’s mistakes.
Well, not really. We make mistakes and God fixes our mistakes. But we think that God has made a mistake and I need to fix it.
So, things beyond our control. And then we discussed the abduction of Sita. Elaborately, how? In almost several places, it was her good intention.
Right? Her desire for the deer was a noble desire. Like a memento to give to her mother-in-law. Then even the even her harsh words to Lakshman.
You could say they were mistakes but it was at one level, an understandable fear. Understandable fear that she had. He’s gone away for my sake.
She’ll be protected. Then, coming out of the bondage, coming out of Lakshmadeva, that was that was what actually? It was her virtue that her service attitude that was exploited. Then, after that she made a specific request to whom? Jatayu.
And Jatayu just didn’t listen to her. Now, it was he didn’t listen to me. Nobody listens to me.
Why is this happening to me? But in spite of all that, she remained resourceful. And she got a small opportunity. She took that opportunity.
How was she able to take that? Because of her faith that no matter what happens, my mistake, whose mistake, whatever happens, the Lord never abandons. And it is with this faith that if we just are patient, we can be patient. We can be persistent.
Doing what is possible within us. And that way, even if the world makes us powerless, we won’t become powerless. We won’t let our mind make us powerless.
We’ll stay resourceful, doing what we can. And, how can I serve in this situation? How can I remember this situation? Remember Krishna and the situation. In that way, we will find a way out of even the darkest situations.
Thank you very much. Hare Krishna. Are there any questions or comments? Yes.
If you had not asked a question, I would have thought something has gone wrong. So, when things go wrong, how do we be more resourceful than resentful in our practical life? And, in our daily sadhana, chanting and following formative principles, what else we can do to be more in the basket of resourcefulness? So, what can we do practically? See, we often say we should be dependent on Krishna, and we should surrender to Krishna. See, nothing is in our control.
But, it’s not that simple. Even when we say nothing is in our control, to realise that, our mind has to be in our control. If our mind is out of control, we do not realise there is nothing in our control.
So, the idea is that control is a need. Even a devotional need. But, we use that need to surrender to the supreme control.
Materialistic people use control to become the supreme control. Now, that is a doomed endeavour. But, everybody needs a certain level of control in life.
So, when we say understand that we are not controllers, that means we are not the supreme controllers. And that means, say for example, this is the totality of reality. Now, sometimes my control may be this much.
Our control and total reality. It could be a family reality, professional reality, it could be our health. Now, sometimes from this situation, what happens is, from here, what we control can become time.
So, when this happens, at that time, it’s important to remember that what is beyond our control is not just out of control. See, most people, they want to increase their control desperately because they think that whatever is out of control or whatever is out of their control is completely out of control. It will all go chaotically.
It will all work for our destruction. At a material level, yes, there is competition and there is some animity also, that is true. But beyond the material reality, there is a higher level of reality.
So, generally speaking, when we think that the only way we can function is when we have control. That’s when the loss of control becomes completely unbearable. But when we understand that, ok, what’s beyond my control, ok, Krishna will take care of it.
Now, how exactly, I do not know. Now, right now, this person is doing such terrible things and where is Krishna? When is he going to help? All those questions are valid questions. But if we understand that Krishna is not completely out of the situation.
Krishna is here somewhere. Then, when we don’t have the desperate need that only by controlling can I protect myself, only by controlling can I do something, then we don’t lament or resent the loss of the greater control we had. We focus on whatever little control we had.
Rishabh Prabhupada went to America or came to America initially. Most of the people who he met were people who were people from the counterculture. Many of them were hippies.
And these were completely wild people. Many of them. Now, initially within the counterculture where people who were thoughtful people, they just fed up with the modernism of life.
But over a period of time, they started getting into drugs. They thought drugs will take them to spirituality. But, as they got into drugs, drugs got into them.
And then, it was from drugs to spirituality, it just became drugs. And then, it just became drugs without spirituality, drugs that took them against spirituality. So, when Prabhupada talked with people, these were often what people would consider as people of social visits.
But when Prabhupada was talking with them, Prabhupada gave them his full attention. Full energy. Okay, this is the person that is there in front of me.
Let me talk about Krishna with this person. So, I said, if we have that service attitude, how can I serve Krishna right now? What happens is, service can also be done better if we have control. You can say that.
But, the point is that, service attitude is what helps us to go on. If we want to control, then we depend on external things. If we want to serve, then we can always find somewhere to serve.
Maybe in a particular place, we can always find somewhere to serve. That’s why, having that service attitude, knowing that Krishna is ultimately in charge of everything. Okay, what can I do in this situation? So, we can translate this question.
We often say, how can I serve Krishna? So now, we can translate this question that Krishna is the well-wisher of everyone. So, if He is the well-wisher of everyone, that means, He is my well-wisher also. Now, Krishna’s good wishes can happen to us.
Things can happen to us, which are good for us. But, things which are good for us can happen also through us. So, Krishna’s good wishes can come to us through good things.
So, these two us, we can… When? We may have to wait. We don’t know. But through us, it can be right now.
Okay, so if I’m sick, and I’m in my bed, and I can’t do anything, then at least, I can be polite and grateful to those who are caring for me. Sometimes, people are sick, and they make their caregivers sick of them. You know, they’re always complaining and blaming.
Sometimes, understandable, but it’s unfortunate. I have a service attitude. How, when you say, when you say now means, how can I make things better? Krishna is the well-wisher means Krishna wants things to be better.
So, in a mood of service to Krishna, how can I make things better? So, just you just have that question. The well-known question is, why do bad things happen to good people? And that’s a difficult question. It’s more difficult to answer that.
But what the Ramayana, Mahabharata, especially what Sita’s example demonstrates to us is that a different question. When bad things happen to good people, what do good people do? If you focus on that, you’ll always find some way to move ahead. So, essentially you can say, change our driving question.
It’s not why did this happen, but how. How can I serve in this situation now? How do good people act in this situation? Okay? Thank you. Any other questions or comments? All of this, like why do good things happen, when people are actually on that path where they’ve lost hope, how can one get, like motivate them, how can you motivate them to come back on the track where they can actually be resourceful, build that faith again and proceed again? If somebody has lost hope, how can we help them come back on track? It’s difficult.
It’s two broad things. See, generally, we have to find what matters most to people. And quite often, what matters most is not the same as what they feel matters most.
The two are different things. Say, for example, somebody worked very hard to pass an exam, and they just didn’t pass it. My life is ruined now.
Or somebody was in a relationship and that relationship broke down. And then, everything is lost. So now, quite often what happens is that what people feel matters most.
This is lost. And that is why they are so devastated. But if we look within, why does this matter so much for you? Suppose somebody has an accident and they lose their limbs.
It’s painful. But what is so important about that? If we go down below, explore, there is a need. And that need can be met in some other way.
So as long as we can help them to discover that need, then they can have hope. If somebody is an athlete and that person gets a permanent injury in their life, they can never be an athlete. Now, then this goes on.
But okay, why was becoming an athlete so difficult? If you go deeper into that, maybe my life will have some value. I will lose something and I will not have it. Okay, then what other chance exists for you to lose something? If somebody’s relationship breaks down, and you think, okay, I will always be alone.
Nobody will ever care for me. Maybe something is wrong with me. I am unloveable completely.
Okay, then if that were the case, is it true that in your life nobody has ever loved you? That has not happened to anyone. If that had happened, we wouldn’t be alive here. Some people are definitely caring for us.
So what we need to do is that the underlying interpretation that the mind has given about what is the cause of hopelessness. So that we need to get addressed. And that is where some spiritual wisdom helps.
I focus on the point that Krishna has a plan for your life. That’s important. So that is more from a you could say from a perspective of faith, what is beyond our control.
That may work out. But we can also go inwards at a more introspective level, a psychological level. You know, what is it that really matters for this person? And how can that be taken care of? You know, small steps in that direction.
See, many times people feel that, you know, I have lost all self-confidence. I have lost all self-esteem. I think my life is worthless.
So, when a person has lost self-confidence or self-esteem or whatever, there are two ways. One is to offer them words of encouragement. And definitely these are required.
Even a small word of encouragement can make a significant difference. But along with that, what is especially needed is that people need a sense of value for their life. That my existence matters.
That I can make a difference. If it’s a minor word, if it’s an outer word, whatever it is. So, we have to help them find some valuable pursuit.
And then some doable steps toward that pursuit. So, sustainable good feelings. Good feelings may come when people encourage us, people appreciate us.
That’s true. Internally, when do we actually get good feelings from people? That is, first, we have something worthwhile to pursue in our life. And then whether we succeed or not.
When Krishna says, what he is telling is actually a deep psychological truth. That, even if you look into neuroscience a little bit, it’s more of when we are pursuing something, when we get something, somebody wants food to eat, somebody wants an attractive partner. After you get that, the pleasure is just not there.
But when we believe that it is valuable, then in pursuing that, there is some excitement. Now, of course, we may misunderstand what is valuable. An alcoholic may think of getting a bottle of alcohol as valuable.
That can be a misunderstanding over there. But the point is that the good feelings that come within our brain, they come not just when we achieve something desirable, but it is when we are pursuing something valuable. So now, I may have thought if something is valuable and that is unattainable for me.
But if there is something else that is valuable, underline that. And I can progress through that. So that’s why, help them find something that they value right now.
And then help them see for some tangible steps in that direction. Some doable steps. Maybe so it’s not easy sometimes.
If somebody is really hopeless, you have to spend time with them, understand them, what it is possible. Give them hope, not just a word of encouragement, but by giving them some direction. So, what that direction will be, that requires going a bit deeper into the psychology of that person.
Ultimately, of course, what everyone needs is a connection with Krishna. But if you start with that, then you just feel you are being emotionally imposing things on them. It’s like, what the Gita says, this is a very important point.
See, there is Artha and then there is Paramartha. Param Artha. So, Artha can mean wealth, but Artha can also mean value.
What is of Artha? So, gradually from what is presently of Artha for us, we move towards the Paramartha. So, the present Artha, for example, somebody say, for them money is the Artha. Now, is that a bad thing? If that remains the Artha forever for them, then that’s definitely a problem.
Making money matters, but what we are making with money matters even more. So, money is Artha, but gradually, by pursuing one Artha, the person can become more open to pursuing higher Arthas, higher meanings. Somebody is sick or they have a sickly body and they pursue fitness.
That’s an Artha. But even by pursuing something that is of Artha, something of meaning, something of value for them right now, they will move upwards in their consciousness. So, they will start getting those positive feelings from within.
And every Artha is ultimately a pointer towards the Paramartha. So, if somebody is feeling very glum and sorry for themselves, just tell them, do some good for someone. You know, maybe, just go to soup kitchen and serve food to some poor people.
You say, I feel so terrible. Just try to do that. You go there and you see that you can actually do something of value for someone else.
That gives some Artha in their life. And from there, somebody comes to a temple and they serve food to people. And that can give some Artha.
So, we just find out what is of Artha for them right now and how can we help them progress towards Artha. When do we assess that this person might need professional help? We might come with all of these steps. That’s a very important question.
See, professional help is not like a magic wand that can solve all problems. So, professional help is just an indication that the problem is a serious one. And, so, when can we say that if a person expresses, first of all, if a person expresses any kind of suicidal intention, then I think at that point, it’s important.
Now, some people may use suicide like an emotional blackmailing tool. That’s a different thing. But, if somebody is expressing that in a kind of, like somebody says in anger, if you do this, I’ll kill myself.
That’s one thing. But if somebody is in a dark place, not out of anger, but out of despair, basically, that’s a matter of concern. That’s one thing.
Second thing is that, so, basically, you could say, when there is severe self-harm, either it is done actually or it is threatened. They may not threaten it in the sense that they’re actually threatening them. They’re actually saying, I’ll do like this.
Till at that time, there is a multi-pronged approach required. And the multi-pronged approach means that professional help may also be required. But professional help doesn’t mean that we have no role at all.
Sometimes, serious professional help may also mean that they may want to, others may also need to be involved. Others may also understand the situation. So, we have to see what is required.
So, basically, it is a multi-pronged approach. And professional help is an important prong within that. Spiritual help is an important prong.
Emotional help is an important prong. Ultimately, how do professionals and professionals ultimately help? By helping people find something of value in life. So, in one sense, they may be more trained to probe into people’s psychology and help them find out what is of value.
But it’s not an approach that should be ruled out. At the same time, that approach should not be treated as much important. It’s one important tool in a multi-pronged toolkit.
Any last questions? Do we have the books here? Thank you very much.