How to foster intrinsic self worth, not extrinsic self worth? Gita 18 14

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Hare Krishna! Whenever we go through life, we often act as mentors for others.
And that means that we sometimes have to correct them when they do something wrong and we congratulate them when they do something right. Now, what we appreciate is what gets reinforced. And if we want to reinforce healthy behavioral patterns, then we need to appreciate the right things.
Quite often we appreciate people, especially say parents, they appreciate their children when they achieve something very good. So, they come first in the class or they win a particular competition or they excel in a particular sport. Now, that’s natural to appreciate when somebody achieves something.
However, achievement is not in our hands. We may try our best, but there are so many factors beyond our endeavor that determines the results. So, when parents or anyone in general appreciate someone else for their achievements, then that leads to an extrinsic sense of self-worth.
That means I’ll be appreciated, accepted and loved only when I achieve this. And if I don’t achieve this, I won’t be appreciated. It’s not like that.
Certainly, we may love our other loved ones and we naturally want them to achieve wonderful things. But extrinsic self-worth creates a lot of insecurity, fear, resentment and it is quite psychologically unhealthy. So, if you want to foster intrinsic self-worth, we need to recognize the dynamics of how things work and appreciate others for that which is in their control not that which is beyond their control.
And what is in their control? Bhagavad Gita explains that there are multiple factors that lead to the successful result in an action. In 1814, it is said, अधिष्ठानं तथा कर्ता करणं जपृतक्विद्धा विविदाश्च पृतक्चेष्टा दैवं चैवात्र पंचमं So, अधिष्ठानं the arena of work the body, कर्ता the soul, करणं, that particular senses which need to have specific abilities to do something पृतक्विद्धा, the endeavor that somebody has and दैव destiny दैवं चैवात्र पंचमं So, for example, if we consider somebody who is a singer, they participate in singing competition their body has to be healthy, their singing voice has to be good they shouldn’t have a sore throat they should be, the soul should be present in the body and then they should have practice so that they can improve their singing and beyond that what is the quality of the competitors over there, what is the subjective mood of the judge at that time so many other factors come into the picture to determine the result so now, चैवात्र, endeavor is what is in our hands and if we appreciate others for their commitment, then that fosters intrinsic self-worth yes, if I do my best I will be appreciated of course, the world will only see the results but then the difference between the world and the loud ones is that the loud ones are not so carried away by externals they see the internals so if we want to foster if we truly love others and we want them to come close to us, then we need to see them not the way the world sees them, but see them the way the loud ones see and that is, look for what is in their control, what they are doing right, not for things which are beyond their control and look what is happening right to them so if we appreciate their commitment more than their achievement, then we can foster intrinsic self-worth thank you, Hare Krishna