Emotionally intelligent spirituality

Emotionally intelligent spirituality 1 – Don’t work for or against emotions – work with them for Krishna

Emotionally intelligent spirituality 2 – Let immediate and ultimate solutions work cooperatively, not competitively

Thank all of you for coming today evening and I will be speaking today on the topic of emotionally healthy spirituality Emotionally healthy has two meanings to it. Subtitle I had given was that protecting our emotional health while pursuing our spiritual health.

So I will start with an incident which inspired me to take this topic. And I will elaborate as we move forward. I answer questions on my website thespiritualscientist.com And when Mataji was just becoming a devotee she posted a question.

She said that she from her childhood suffered from paranoia, chronic fearfulness. She would get very scared of things. She would see a car crash and say I am going to crash next time.

And she had to go to a therapist and take treatment. And she was able to manage herself. And then she came to Krishna Consciousness.

Started chanting Hare Krishna. Found her fear also went down by that. But once she attended a class.

And the class theme was that death can come at any time. And the whole class basically was describing various ways in which death can come at any time. In fact that devotee also showed a video.

Anyway the whole video is a compilation of how people who are living normally. Somebody is just in a shopping mall. They are walking along and suddenly they get a heart attack.

And then they die over there. Somebody is sitting and watching TV. They just press a remote and at that time something happens.

And from the remote they get an electric shock and they die. So from just seeing that video. Hearing about the various possibilities.

About how death can come at any time. That triggered my fearfulness once again. So badly that I again had to go to my therapist.

And I had been treated quite well. So my therapist asked me what happened. When I told her.

My therapist. She said that hearing such classes is psychologically damaging for you. So stop hearing them.

He said that I thought the Bhagavad Gita is actually very good wisdom. So is hearing the Bhagavad Gita psychologically damaging? So then I explained elaborately. That actually there is goodness, passion and ignorance.

The three modes of material nature. And these shape our perception. So for example.

If I am in goodness. When I hear about death. The way I respond to it will be different.

When I am in passion. The response will be different. When I am in ignorance.

The response will be different. So if I am in the mode of goodness. If I hear about death.

Then I start thinking. Death. Means that whatever I am working for will destroy me.

So is there anything beyond this? And if there is how can I achieve it? So in goodness we see the material and we see the spiritual. And then the temporality, the ephemerality of the material. Prompts us to look at the spiritual.

In contrast. If we are in the mode of passion. Then we think the material is all that exists.

And we will think. That ok. Now that I have the material.

And I am going to die any time. Let me enjoy as much as I can. So the same fact in goodness.

Everything is temporary. Why waste your time in enjoying things? Why waste your time in getting entangled? So in passion everything is temporary. Why lose the opportunity for enjoyment? In fact Ravana told this to Sita.

He said youth is temporary. Your duty is temporary. You spent 14 years in exile with Ram.

Your youth will go away. Come and enjoy with me. So I once saw an advertisement.

When I was going to Kolkata. Enjoy. Before you become a dirty old man.

So yes you are going to become old. So in passion we think that. I have to enjoy a little.

Because the matter is all that I can see. And let me control as much as I can. As long as I can.

And enjoy. So in the mode of ignorance. When we hear about death.

In goodness we see. Some things are in my control. Some things are not in my control.

So let me focus on that which is in my control. The material level. Death is going to come.

That is not in my control. At the spiritual level. Life is eternal.

Let me raise my conscience to spiritual level. In the mode of passion I think. I am the controller.

Or I want to be the controller. And I try as much as possible to control things. In the mode of ignorance.

I don't know about the spiritual realm. And even in the material level. I think I am not in control.

I can't control anything. So that makes me feel powerless. So in the mode of ignorance.

People go into lamentation. This goes wrong. That goes wrong.

Moroseness. Moroseness means. Habitual negativity.

Every suggestion. We give to a person who is morose. They will find.

All the problems that are possible with it. It's not going to work. It's not going to work.

So we go into the zone of self pity. So if somebody is in the mode of ignorance. And we tell them that death can come at any time.

That can make them paranoid. Oh death can come at any time. Death can come at any time.

What should I do? How should I live? Everything will be destroyed at any moment. So the purpose of everything. Even in scripture.

Is to spiritualise our consciousness. Spiritualising our consciousness means. That we want to.

Prompt our consciousness towards spirituality. So now. The defining principle.

Accept that it is favourable. Avoid that it is unfavourable. So in the philosophy also.

We have to find out. What. Prompts our consciousness towards Krishna.

And we focus on that. So if. Because of my paranoia.

My fearfulness. I find that hearing about death. Agitates me.

It makes me paranoid. And that means that hearing. Is not favourable for my Krishna.

So it is not that. Hearing the Bhagavad Gita. Is psychologically damaging.

Rather. Hearing some aspects of the Bhagavad Gita. May be damaging.

For those. Who are already psychologically damaged. So.

It is not that being psychologically damaged. Is a character deficiency. It is just the way we are.

And. If I am psychologically having some damage. Then I have to acknowledge that.

And I have to do other things. In Krishnamukhi. Krishna Prabhupada even gives the example.

That if we hear about the Raastila. Which is the most exalted pastime of Krishna. It is considered a worshipable pastime.

Of pure spiritual love. Between Krishna. And his highest devotees.

But if hearing about the Raastila. We start equating it with. Ordinary male-female interactions.

And that. Triggers our mundane desires within us. And Prabhupada said.

Don't hear about it. You are not yet ready. That is the reality.

And the relationships in this world. Are like the reflection. So.

Now for the pure devotees. When they see the reality. And they understand that is the reality.

Then even when they see. Male-female interactions. Rupa Goswami prays.

O my dear lord. Just as a boy's mind. Is attracted to a girl.

And a girl's mind. Is attracted to a boy. You know.

Similarly. O lord. Let my mind be attracted to you.

That means. Seeing the male-female. Romantic interactions over here.

A devotee says. This is the reflection. That is the reality.

So the reflection reminds us of the reality. But. If we are.

Not yet philosophically convinced. If we are too materially attached. Then instead of the reflection.

Reminding us of the reality. The reality reminds us of the reflection. So then what happens.

Hearing about those pastimes. Triggers our mundane desires. If that is happening.

Then that means right now. I am not mature enough. To hear this.

So let me purify myself. Let me deepen my philosophical understanding. And then I will be able to hear it.

So. The point of. Emotionally healthy spirituality is.

That. Our spirituality. Is meant to.

Ultimately. Restore us to spiritual health. But along with that.

We also have to. Progress towards spiritual health. In a way.

That is emotionally healthy for us. That doesn't make us. Inordinately emotionally agitated.

So. I will compare this. With physical health.

All of us. May have certain physical health issues. Say if somebody.

Has some back problems. Because of which they can't sit on the floor. And.

If you tell them that. You have to sit on the floor. And they sit on the floor somehow.

And. Even if they are chanting the japa. They are hearing a class.

At that time. The irritation, the pain. In the body.

Is so much. That it distracts them. From hearing the message.

From focussing on the message. So. The physical.

Our purpose is not to pamper the body. Somebody says. Unless there is air conditioning in the temple hall.

I am not going to come to hearing classes. Well. Okay.

You can have air conditioning. But the point is not whether the air conditioning is not there. We are not coming.

To the temple to be physically comfortable. Our purpose is. We want to gain spiritual understanding.

But. If for gaining spiritual understanding. Our particular body.

Needs particular things. Because it has some sensitivities. Then.

Addressing them. So that we can focus on Krishna. That is what is simply.

A practical necessity. So we don't want to on one side. Pamper our body.

But on another side. We don't want to torture our body also. We don't work for the body.

We don't work against the body. We work with the body. For Krishna.

So just as. If it is very hot. Turn on a fan.

And then continue hearing. Continue practising. If there is no fan available.

I will tolerate it. But the point of. Physical austerity.

Is not to torment the body. The point of physical austerity. Is to decrease our focus on Krishna.

If somebody is. Fasting. And they think.

If I am a serious devotee. That means I should be able to fast. And we are sitting and chanting.

And chanting Hare Krishna. Hare Krishna. At our tongue.

But the mind is chanting. Prasad. Hare Krishna.

Prasad. When will I eat? So it is like the tongue is on one track. The mind is on another track.

And our consciousness is caught only in the mind. If that is happening. Better take some food.

And then come back and chant attentively. The point is not to torment the body. Now is it.

A character deficiency. That some devotees are able to fast more. Some devotees are able to fast less.

It is not a character deficiency. Why? Because from the Ayurvedic perspective. Different people have different bodies.

Kapha, Vata, Pitta. Three kinds of bodies are there. And people with Kapha bodies.

Can fast relatively easy. People with Pitta bodies. They find it very difficult to fast.

They start getting acidity and irritability. Just can't fast. So.

Now the important thing is. To focus the mind on Krishna. And if I have a body that can't fast much.

It is fine. It is not that I have to. Feel inferior.

Because I can't fast. It is not that I have to minimise. We should not minimise others also.

You have a Kapha body. That's why you are able to fast. There is nothing special about it.

No. There is some austerity required. And those who are doing austerity.

We appreciate that. But the point is not how much I fast. The point is how much I focus on Krishna.

So. Now some people may be able to do it less. Some people may be able to do it more.

So the same principle. We have to apply to our mind. And our emotions.

All of us. Have. Our own.

Emotional nature. Emotional nature means. Some people.

Need. More of a bonding. If they come to a place.

They want people to talk nicely with them. They want to interact with people. They want to sit and talk.

And that's when somebody talks. Somebody cares for me over here. And some people.

They just want to talk business. It's not that they don't care. They don't care to sit and talk too much.

Now for a person. Who likes to sit and talk and discuss. And that's what gives them value.

And for somebody else. Who says. Come on.

Let's do the things now. What are we going to do? Let's do this. Now when two people are meeting of this nature.

So some people are. Of the nature of doing things. Some people are of talking.

Now it's not that one is bad. Or the other is good. It's just that two are of different natures.

And each nature. Has to find. How it can be addressed.

So some people have a nature. To bond and talk more. Then they have to find other devotees.

Who like to bond and talk more. That doesn't mean that we sit and gossip. What we talk is important.

But that's a separate issue. That's what they need. If somebody just can't sit and do that.

Let's do things. Then you have to find out. How can I do? Let's meet other devotees.

Who also like to do things. Let's move on. Let's do these things.

Both of them. Some people get a sense of value. Based on.

How much. Time I spend with people. How much time people interact with me.

Some people get a sense of value. By. What all I have done.

I have done this, this, this. So now we all are of different natures. Some people.

When some small thing goes wrong. They just get too disturbed. Some people.

Big things go wrong. Now you could say that. Okay this person gets so disturbed.

So sentimental. This person doesn't get disturbed at all. This person is more emotionally mature.

More spiritually advanced. It could be because of spiritual advancement. But it just could be because of.

One's own nature. So. When.

We. Don't acknowledge our physical nature. Say for example.

Even if I have a bad problem. I decide I am going to sit on the ground. And I am going to chat.

I may chat. But firstly. I am not able to focus on Krishna.

And secondly. I am worsening my physical condition. So similarly.

If we don't acknowledge our emotional nature. Whatever it is. If a small thing agitates me.

Okay. That's the way I am. Then I just meet some devotee.

Speak some kind words. A few encouraging words. Few understanding words.

It calms me down. And then I can get on with things. So if I totally try to deny.

Or reject my particular nature. Be it physical or emotional. Then two things happen.

First is I can't focus on Krishna. Even if I try to. And second is.

That I aggravate my own situation. Just as my back pain. Is not going to go away.

But. It's going to be there and it's going to worsen. So like that if I am agitated by something.

I try to do some devotional activity. I may simply worsen my agitation. And I am not actually focussing on Krishna.

So we need to. Acknowledge our particular nature. And.

Do what it takes. To work for Krishna. With that nature.

So if. A devotee is very fearful. Then talking about.

How death can occur at any moment. That. Is simply going to agitate that devotee.

And yes. Now to say. Why are you so.

Take shelter of Krishna. That devotee may chant Hare Krishna. But not going to focus on Krishna.

So. We all come from our individual backgrounds. And.

We are not. We are not. Prisoners of our past.

That means just because. I was fearful of the. I was always very fearful, paranoid.

That doesn't mean. That I will always stay fearful. We are not prisoners of our past.

We can change. But at the same time. Although we are not prisoners of our past.

We are products of our past. And denying that we are the products of our past. Doesn't.

Change us. We have to work. With whatever body mind resources.

We do have. So. When.

Abhimanyu passes away. Abhimanyu is killed. Arjuna is furious.

Arjuna. When he comes to know. He is shocked.

He starts crying. Collapses on the ground. And then.

After that he gets up. And lashes out at everyone. He lashes out at his brothers.

Yudhishthir, Vibha, Nakula, Sahadev. What are your weapons? Are they simply bangles? All of you. Couldn't protect myself? He just lashes out at everyone.

And eventually turns to Krishna. He says Krishna. You must have known what was happening.

Why? Why didn't you stop? Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you do something about it? Here. Half a chapter in the Mahabharata. Describes Arjuna's lamentation.

And. Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita. Has said beforehand.

That. A person in knowledge. Is not attached.

And specifically. Krishna uses the word. One is not attached.

To one's children. One's son. One's spouse.

Now. Krishna. Does not say.

Arjuna. Have you forgotten the Bhagavad Gita? Should I tell you the verse? 13.10. Krishna doesn't do that. Krishna is simply there.

Gentle. Oh Arjuna. Krishna tells.

Your brothers. Are drowning in an ocean of grief. Just as you are drowning.

Don't speak words. Which will make them sink. Deeper into the ocean of grief.

A person of character. Tries to decrease other people's grief. Not increase it.

Arjuna. Summon. Your strength of character.

And pull yourself together. We are all with you. Yeah.

Please. So Arjuna. So Krishna.

Doesn't use. Philosophy. At that time.

To. To wish away. Arjuna's emotions.

Or to minimise Arjuna's emotions. Krishna acknowledges those emotions. But Krishna encourages Arjuna.

To rise upwards. Similarly. When Draupadi is dishonoured.

After that. When they are in the forest. Krishna comes to meet them.

And Draupadi. Steals in her eyes and says. Krishna.

When this disaster was happening. Where were you? I called you. Where were you? Now.

We know that Krishna. Manifested as the unlimited sari. Which protected her honour.

But. It is not that Krishna was seen at that time. Just that.

Her sari became inexhaustible. So nobody saw Krishna. And they thought that because she was so chaste.

By higher power. She was miraculously protected. So then Krishna.

What does he answer? My plan is perfect. Don't doubt my plan. Krishna doesn't say that.

Krishna says. I didn't know what was happening. He says.

I was in Dwaraka. Protecting Dwaraka. From the demon Shalu.

He had attacked the ferocious army. And I was protecting and restoring Dwaraka. And as soon as they came to know.

I am coming immediately. Oh Panchali. Those who have wronged you.

Will be punished. You are the daughter. Of a great king.

You are the wife. Of great heroes. For those.

Who are great. Even great calamities. Do not disturb them.

Hold patience. Have patience of the Panchali. The wrongs will be righted.

So here again. Krishna does not deny. Her emotions.

Krishna acknowledges those emotions. Sometimes. We may misapply the philosophy.

To. To. Minimise.

Or reject people's emotions. The purpose of the philosophy. Is to actually help people.

Come closer to Krishna. From where they are. If.

We don't acknowledge. Where they are. And then we use a one size fit all.

Some people. They just know one or two points. And whenever they meet anyone.

It's like a tape recorder starts. Speak this. It's good.

That we repeat what we have heard. But as we learn. We as we learn.

We realise. That we have to speak according to Deshi Kaalapatra. According to time, place, circumstance.

So. With respect to. I'll talk first about preaching to new people.

And then I'll talk about. Interacting among devotees. So it is said.

Preaching means. To comfort the afflicted. And.

To afflict the comforted. That means. That if.

Somebody. Their loved one has passed away. And they are afflicted now.

So what do we do? Comfort the afflicted. Tell them the soul is eternal. And the soul is always under the care of Krishna.

Wherever they have gone. Krishna is there with them. And Krishna is there in your hearts also.

If you pray to Krishna. The results of their prayers can go to them also. So.

We comfort the afflicted. On the other hand. Preaching also means.

Afflict the comforted. If somebody thinks that. I am wealthy.

I am young. I am handsome. I am beautiful.

I am successful. Why do I need God? All that you have. It can go in one moment.

Prabhupada would be the example of JFK. America's president. So young.

Powerful. Handsome. Popular.

And this one moment he died. Prabhupada said. Death can come at any time.

And nothing will be left. Everything will be taken away. So.

Whatever you have. It's temporary. Comforted.

To afflict the comforted. So that's how they become aware. It's like sickness.

If a patient is sick. The doctor. Has to assure the patient.

Yes, the sickness is there. I understand the pain is there. But you take this treatment.

It will be alright. So we comfort one who is afflicted. But somebody who is in the mode of denial.

Nothing is wrong with me. This is a serious disease. And you don't take care of this.

In 3 months. You will be bed ridden. In 4 months.

You will become paralysed. In 6 months you will die. Are you a doctor or a demon? What are you doing? No.

But that's what is required at that time. The purpose is. The patient needs to be told seriously.

To take the treatment. Sometimes the afflicted need to be comforted. And sometimes the comforted need to be afflicted.

Now if we have. A one size fit all formula. Then.

We end up. Afflicting the afflicted. And comforting the comforted.

So somebody. Has lost their loved one. And we tell them.

You have lost this loved one. You are going to lose all your loved ones. Life is temporary.

All relationships are temporary. This world is. You have experienced misery now.

Just see in future what miseries will come. This. Is a total misapplication of the philosophy.

So. Yes. A patient is sick.

And the sickness may worsen. But the doctor's purpose is. To inspire the patient to take the medicine.

So if that purpose is clear. Then that same doctor may sometimes comfort the patient. And sometimes may.

Castigate the patient. Afflict the patient. So we cannot use a one size fit all formula.

We have to. Be sensitive. To the particular situation.

And present it accordingly. Sometimes we just comfort. Those who are comforted.

Some person is very proud. So wealthy. Just pamper them for their wealth.

And we just get some donation from them. If at least they are not ready to serve Krishna. We may use their Lakshmi Krishna service.

But we should make sure. That we are giving Krishna in some form to them. So Prabhupada.

He had life membership programme in India. So people would give donations to temple. But he would make sure that they get some books.

They get some Krishna pictures. They get something connected with Krishna. In a way that.

They can accept. And they can slowly come towards Krishna. So we cannot.

We cannot. Be insensitive. To the particular situation the person is in.

So the same principle. Applies in our own. Personal devotional life.

And in our interaction with others. So. If.

Some people. Some devotees for example. They.

Tend to be a little more emotional. Some devotees may be a little more rational. So.

If. A. Now what happens in a bhakti is that. We often.

Are very quick. To use the philosophy. To label people.

If somebody. Who is too emotional. You are a sahajiya.

So sentimental. And somebody who is too rational. You are a gyani.

Dry gyani. Heartless. And in this way.

We just. The philosophical labels that we fix on people. They simply create barriers.

They don't lead to any deeper understanding. So if somebody is more emotional. Then they need to bond with people who are more emotional.

Of course the bonding has to be in such a way that. They all move towards Krishna. It is not that.

They bond together. And they say no. Nobody cares.

I also feel like this. Nobody cares. And we both reinforce.

Our own self pity. That is undesirable. But.

We learn to understand each other better. So that. We can all move towards Krishna.

But if we don't do this. Then. We may become.

Our emotional side. We all have an emotional side. Some people may have it more.

Some people may have it less. Our emotional side. Will.

Become a big blockage. In our movement towards Krishna. So we may have resentment.

Because somebody has neglected us. We expected something from someone. And that person neglected us.

So now. For different people. Their emotions.

May need to be processed in different ways. Some people feel. Even in devotional circle.

Some people feel lonely. Now there is association of devotees. But if Bhaktivinoda Thakur says.

We need like-minded association. If we don't have like-minded association. We may be among devotees.

But we may feel lonely. Now somebody may tell. Oh you are feeling lonely.

Just do more service. Loneliness will go away. Now that may work.

But if that doesn't. It can work. Sometimes we are just too much caught in the mind.

We start getting out of the mind. Start doing practical things. It goes away.

But if it doesn't go away. Then. Some people who understand them.

They talk with them. Sit with them little bit. Understand them.

And then they feel better. And then they start working. So now.

It is. Whatever our emotional nature is. That doesn't necessarily mean.

It is a deficiency. It is just the way we are. And we need to work.

From where we are. Towards Krishna. If somebody is very rational.

That doesn't mean that they are. They are Gyanis. Rationality is also a faculty.

That can be used in Krishna's service. So. Some people may not be particularly.

Particularly. They don't get into emotions so much. That's fine.

But then they need to. They need to. Connect with others who are similar.

And move onwards towards Krishna. So we need to acknowledge. Our particular emotional nature.

And then. Use it in Krishna's service. We don't work for it.

Working for it means. Oh I feel. I feel that.

I have a very emotional nature. I feel that people don't care for me. And.

Nobody has time for me. Nobody wants to hear me. So if I feel like that.

And I meet ten other people who feel like that. And all of us. Share our sorry stories.

And all of us go deeper into mundane emotions. It's like. It's not.

Satsanga. It is self pity sanga. So our centre.

The purpose should be that we all come closer to Krishna. But the point is. If we work for that nature.

That means we end up. Reinforcing that nature. We work against that nature.

That means. We just deny its existence. But that's a. Basic need which we may have.

Somebody is very rational. You know. Say.

Some people have a lot of questions. Every philosophy. Every class they have.

One, two, three, four, five, six questions. Somebody comes and tells them. Why do you have so many questions? Just chant Hare Krishna.

And be happy. For them. The way to the heart.

Is through the head. Unless. They are intellectually convinced.

They can't take it up. If that is the case for them. They have to find like minded devotees.

Who also think. Who like to analyse. Who like to explain.

And then they will bond and flourish over there. If. Somebody who is.

Just chant Hare Krishna and be happy. That is their mood. Now Prabhupada did say chant Hare Krishna and be happy.

But Prabhupada also wrote so many books. Why was that? Because. The reading of the books.

Can deepen our philosophical conviction. To chant Hare Krishna. And to become happy thereby.

So if somebody. Who is more of a. Has more of a nature of being self. Bhav.

Bhakti Bhav. That is all important. This philosophy is not important.

Then if somebody has a rational nature. They need to. They can't really get much.

Satisfactory guidance from somebody. Who is too much of a. Sentimental nature. Not sentimentally in a negative sense.

But just that they have more sentiments. So we all need to find the association. That addresses our nature.

Somebody who is rational. If. A lot of rational people come together.

And they all can do. Then we all come together and multiply our doubts. And.

We all come to a conclusion. This is all irrational. No.

That's not what we should do. We need to associate someone. Who also has a rational nature.

And they rationally address our doubts. That way. We will all.

We will be able to move towards Krishna. And we will be able to use our rational nature. In the service of Krishna.

If people ask questions. We will have answers. So.

We don't work against. Against our mind. Against our emotional nature.

We work for Krishna. With our nature. So sometimes some devotees say that.

Prabhupada says. The only problem in the world is the lack of Krishna consciousness. Just become Krishna conscious.

All problems will be solved. Chanting is the solution to all problems. Yes.

Chanting is the solution to all problems. At the same time. The process of chanting.

Is meant to help us develop a relationship with Krishna. And in the relationship with Krishna. We want to.

We use all the faculties that we have. For the service of Krishna. Now if.

Chanting is the solution to all problems. Valmiki Rishi could have just. Written Ram.

Ram. Ram. Ram.

Ram. Why did he write. 24000 verses of the Valmiki Ramayana.

He wanted us to hear that. Now why did the sages. Come up with Ayurveda.

Because. These. This is also knowledge.

Medical knowledge. So we have to. Some people.

We may have some mental issues. I feel very lonely. I feel very bored.

Chant Hare Krishna. Sometimes chanting may address that issue. Sometimes.

Chanting alone may not address that issue. At that particular time. It's like say.

If I have got a fracture. Somebody tells me. Chant Hare Krishna.

Your fracture will go. Well. Okay.

I mean Krishna can do anything. But a devotee's mood. Is not that.

I want Krishna. I demand that Krishna should perform miracles. A devotee's mood is.

If you got a fracture. Go to a doctor. And take the.

That's what I do. So. Even in the Vedic tradition.

There was a system of Ayurveda. There may be some system of contemporary medicine right now. So with respect to physical fracture.

I understand. Chanting. Is not going to remove my physical fracture.

Going back to the earlier example. If I am sitting on the floor and I am chanting. And I have a lot of back pain.

Somebody tells me. Just chant Hare Krishna more intensely. You will transcend your back pain.

Well. That can happen. But to make that as a demand for chanting.

That is unreasonable. Okay. So if I have a particular issue.

I address that and I focus on Krishna. So similarly. If some people have emotional issues.

They need to be addressed. We can't use. Chanting Hare Krishna.

As an excuse. For not addressing the emotional issues. There are two extremes.

This is a topic I will. Explore more elaborately in tomorrow's class. One is.

That we just get caught in the emotional issues. And think that. Only after this issue is addressed.

Then I will chant Hare Krishna. And the other is. I think that chanting Hare Krishna alone will address the issue.

And I don't consider the emotional issue at all. So we need to have a balance. When we.

Take care of our emotional health. While still pursuing our spiritual health. Ultimately.

Whatever emotional. Issues we have. The ultimate solution to everything.

Is. Is transcending this world. Is.

Absorbing Krishna and attaining Krishna's abode. At the same time. The ultimate solution.

Is not the only solution. I may need to have. Some immediate solutions.

Some intermediate solutions also. Now it's only when. The immediate or the intermediate solutions.

Become. A competitor to the ultimate solution. And I think this is all I need to do.

Then it's a problem. But we don't have to position. The immediate and the intermediate solutions.

What do I mean by immediate and intermediate? If I have back pain and I'm chanting Hare Krishna. I might just take some pain medicine. And I pacify that pain.

That's the immediate solution. Intermediate solution means I may have to do some. I may have to go to some physical therapy.

I may have to do some workout. Do some exercises. That's intermediate.

That may lead to some long term solution. And the ultimate is. I have to get my consciousness out of this body.

And attain Krishna's abode. That's when it will be completely solved. So there are solutions of the immediate.

Intermediate and the ultimate levels. So this topic of. Immediate, intermediate and ultimate solutions.

I'll discuss elaborately in tomorrow's class. I'll summarise. And then we can have some questions.

So I spoke today about. Emotionally healthy spirituality. That means that.

We have to. Take care of our particular emotional nature. While we are pursuing spiritual growth.

I talked about this. Mataji who was paranoid. And she heard our class about.

Death can happen anytime. And that triggered her paranoia. So the knowledge of the Bhagavad Gita.

Is not psychologically damaging. But some aspects of Bhagavad Gita's. Philosophical message.

Can cause agitation. To those who are already psychologically damaged. Then they have to appropriately.

Focus. They have to hear in a purposeful way. In the.

Hearing about death. In goodness. Will help us to see the temporality of the material.

And focus on the spiritual. Hearing about death in passion. When I am in the mode of passion will make you think.

The material is all that exists. So let me enjoy as much as I can. As quickly as I can.

In the mode of ignorance. When I feel even the material I can't control. That will just make me go into the zone of.

Self pity and paranoia. So just as. Prabhupada said.

If hearing about the Raas Leela. Which is the highest spiritual devotional. Pastime.

If that agitates your sensual desires. Then don't hear about it. That is the reality.

And the world's sensual interactions are the reflection. The reflection should direct us towards the reality. But if the reality directs us towards the reflection.

Then stop it. Just purify yourself. Hear the basic philosophy.

Hear other pastimes of Krishna. Gradually we will come to the level where we can. Hear Krishna's pastimes with the Gopis also.

I need to take the responsibility. To understand. What is favourable for my bhakti.

And what is unfavourable for my bhakti. And I accept the favourable. And I avoid the unfavourable.

So with respect to physical health. If somebody has back pain. It is not that they have to torment their body.

And sit on the floor. Sit on the chair. We don't work for our body.

But we don't work against our body. We work with our body for Krishna. So if I can't fast.

Instead of tormenting myself by fasting. Just eat what I need to. And then focus on practising bhakti.

Same way. If I have a nature that is. Where I get too emotional.

Okay. That's the way I am. Then I need an associate.

Which understands my emotionality. And addresses it. And helps me move towards Krishna.

If I am very rational. Fix it kind of person. I need an associate that understands that.

And helps me move towards Krishna. So a one size fit all formula. Can actually be damaging.

Breaching means to. Comfort the afflicted. Or and to.

Afflict the comforted. If we afflict the afflicted. And comfort the comforted.

We are doing anti-punching. So similarly. We have to acknowledge.

Our and others. Particular emotional nature. And we don't work for it.

That means if we work for it. It's like aggravating things. Reinforcing our particular emotional nature.

We don't work against it. That means we deny it. But just like a disease that is denied.

It only gets aggravated. So like a doctor. Sees the disease.

Sees the mood of the patient. And then prescribe the medicine. And has a particular way.

In which to prescribe the medicine. Similarly we address. Our particular emotional nature.

In a way we can move towards Krishna. And then I conclude by talking about. Chanting Hare Krishna.

Hare Krishna is the ultimate solution. To all problems. But that doesn't mean.

That we have to position the ultimate solution. As a competitor to the immediate. Or intermediate solutions.

We have to balance. So that we take care. Of our emotional health.

While we focus on pursuing our spiritual path. Thank you very much. Hare Krishna.

So are there any questions or comments. Yes. Can you tell about the health of the patient.

Yeah. So somebody is of a very emotional nature. And they are.

What you can say. Clingy. They want to hang on.

How do we address their needs. But we don't get. Constricted by that.

Yeah. There is. There are some people.

Who may be. Have too much emotional expectations. Or they may be too emotionally dependent.

On someone else. That kind of emotional dependency. Is actually not healthy.

Not just in spiritual life. In general. In one's life.

It's not very healthy. For us. To be dependent.

On someone else too much. If my. Whole sense of self identity.

And self worth. Comes from someone else. If that person is displeased with me.

Or they may not even be displeased with me. But they just don't pay attention to me. Or don't reciprocate the way I expect them to.

That's like the end of the world for me. It is. They get the question.

I did this for this person. I expected this person didn't pay attention to me. Then.

Sometimes some devotees come. And they say. Are you angry with me? Are you upset with me? Last time when you were passing by.

You didn't smile at me. Okay. Everybody has their own issues.

Normally we try to be courteous. But it's not that we have to imagine problems. When there are none.

Everybody is going through their own issues. So it's like. We have to have.

Our own understanding. That. I am a soul.

Who is eternally related with Krishna. And I am on a journey to Krishna. So while I am on the journey to Krishna.

I have to. I have to form relationships while I am here in this world. With others.

At the same time. Ultimately I am alone. So.

This philosophical understanding. Has to come in. And if.

Some people may have more emotional needs. But. If somebody has more emotional needs.

Then from their side. They have to recognise. That this is not very healthy for me.

Because. This can make me excessively dependent on others. And then that other person if they want.

They can manipulate me. By making me feel bad. They can make me do bad things.

So. We don't want to be manipulated by like that by others. So somebody who has.

Who has a high level of emotional dependency. They have to recognise that that is not so healthy. And.

They have to try to decrease that. So. A decreasing can be done in two ways.

One is through greater philosophical understanding. That even if they don't feel so connected to philosophy. But at least basics you understand.

That. That. There are some things in life.

Which we just have to stop caring about. We can't let. What anything that anyone says.

Affect us so much. Bhakti. Is about developing a tender heart.

But. To practise bhakti in this world. We not only have to develop a tender heart.

We also have to cover. Cover that tender heart with a thick skin. We need a thick skin.

So. If we are very thin skinned. That means someone does one small thing.

We get too disturbed by that. So. All of us have to.

Whatever level we are at. Thicken our skin a little bit. That means I have to find out some activities.

By way. Philosophically I understand that. This is unhealthy for me.

This level of emotional dependency is unhealthy for me. Then based on that understanding. I try to decrease it.

As much as I can. And the way to decrease it is by. By trying to find out some engagements.

Some ways of acting and functioning. Which give me fulfilment. Without a need.

Without a dependence on external validation. Knowledge. A Brahmana for example.

Is an intellectual. And a Brahmana loves to study. And loves to share that knowledge.

Naturally if somebody is Brahmanical. When they share the knowledge. If others appreciate that knowledge.

They will be happy. Because what I was sharing is appreciated by others. But a Brahmana is such a person that.

Even if nobody. There is nobody to hear the knowledge that they are speaking. Still they will study.

Because that study itself. Gives them satisfaction. So now.

By this definition. We can say none of us are Brahmanas. Most of us.

Study because we have to speak. That's how we are. We come from a Rajasic background.

But we can find out. Are there any activities. Doing that activity itself gives me satisfaction.

There are devotees. Who just do deity worship for years. And.

They don't really care. Who knows that I am doing so much deity worship. Naturally.

There is a human need for appreciation. If somebody appreciates that's nice. But just the activity itself gives satisfaction.

So we have to find what that activity is. Where. The need for reciprocation.

Is not so much. Where the absorption in the activity itself. Gives satisfaction.

So once we find that. Then that will fulfil some of our needs. Without us needing someone else.

We do. Naturally need appreciation from others. But that's not the driving force.

That's not the sole driving force. Just the connection which we say. This is what I love to do.

So finding some activity which we can absorb ourselves in. That is important. And secondly.

If a person has a lot of emotional needs. Then it is good for them. To also find out.

Find someone who is of that nature. Even if there is one person like that. It makes a big difference.

So within the devotee community. There are devotees of different natures. And.

We have various relationships. Which work in various ways. So.

We can. In a traditional. Family setting.

People when they had. Joint families. The different needs were taken care of by different people.

You go to something for your mother. You go to something for your grandmother. You go for something to your cousin.

You go for something to your. Sibling. We have different needs.

Are taken care of by different relationships. Now when we have nuclear families. What happens is that.

All those needs. Are taken care of by different people. We expect it all.

From one person. Our spouse. If that's the major family that we have.

And it's. It's just too much pressure on that. Relationship.

That's why if we are a part of a community. Where. The community becomes like a greater family.

And some of our. Emotional needs. Are taken care by our other relationships in the community.

Then that. Also helps us. To fulfil our needs.

In a way. We have to of course take care that we fulfil the needs. In a way that is Dharmic.

In a way that is conducive for our devotional life. But. Try to find even one relationship like that.

Where. Our emotional needs are addressed. And then.

Nurturing that relationship. Now some relationships may be. Easily developable.

In the sense that we work together. We do service together. We live close by.

And we have relationships. But some relationships. May require some work.

We don't get to meet together. But still if there is a lot of bonding. That happens in a particular relationship.

We take the time. To spend. We make the effort to find the time.

To make the time. And spend time together. So.

I say. I am more of an intellectual nature. So there are a few devotees.

In different parts of the world. Who. I have bonded with.

So then once I bond with those devotees. Even if I don't get to meet them. Sometimes I meet them once a year.

But then. Nowadays with technology. With social media.

We talk regularly. We discuss various things. Bounce off our ideas.

And that devotee is a writer. I am a writer. Then we make time to spend time together.

Whatever. So if we find that a particular relationship. Is addressing our particular need.

Then we may have to. Take the time to develop that relationship. It's often relationships.

Like trees. We have to water them. Felicially.

And then they will shelter us eventually. But if we don't water them. And we say this is so small.

No shelter over here. Well you never water it. So both ways.

By finding and absorbing service. And by finding. Some connection.

Some relationship which takes care of our particular emotional need. That emotional dependency can be addressed. Any other questions? Yes.

Okay. So if. We face neglect in a particular relationship.

Then. Whether it's a knowing or unknowing. Intention or annotation.

What should we do in that situation? Yes. You know. Emotional health.

Means that. We don't have. Negative emotions.

Clogging the channel of our consciousness. Towards Krishna. When water is flowing along a particular channel.

If something is blocking it. Water cannot flow. Like that.

Sometimes emotional issues. They block the channel of our consciousness. When I'm coming into the details.

And I'm trying to pray. But I'm thinking. Why did this devotee do like that? Why did this happen? Why did they speak like that? So now if this is blocking.

Then we have to deal with the blockage. So normally. What can be done? In every relationship.

There are three aspects. I'm there. The other person is there.

And the interaction is there. So now in some cases. Just the interaction is the problem.

Some cases the other person is the problem. Some cases I'm the problem. That means say.

Are you angry with me? Why? You didn't smile at me at that time. Well. I just caught in my thoughts.

So I forgot about it. Now there is something wrong in the interaction. It was very circumstantial.

That's how it happened. Don't take it so seriously. But the other could be.

That something is wrong with that person. That means either. That person is angry with me.

And is deliberately neglecting me. Or that person has a. Has a nature. By which.

They are not sensitive to such nuances. And they just neglect. So either way.

We may have to address it. So generally. When addressing issues like this.

It's. Best to. Function in the mode of goodness.

That means separate. I talked earlier about the mode of goodness. In the retreat I mentioned that.

It means to separate the emotion. From the action. Emotion from the situation.

Instead of saying. You are so uncaring. You are so neglectful.

Rather than saying that. Start with the fact. When you did not come on time.

Or when you arrived late. Or when you forgot to get this. I felt very upset.

Because this was so important for me. So we start with facts. We don't deny our feelings.

We don't minimise our feelings. But. Basically as I said in the interaction.

There is the action that happened. The feeling that I experienced. And there is the.

Judgement I made about the other person. My judgement is that. This person is so uncaring.

Whenever we have to address. Emotional issues. Frequently.

We start with the judgement. You are so irresponsible. You are so forgetful.

You are so insensitive. As soon as the label comes on anyone. They just can't digest it.

They become defensive. And then both people start fighting the label. You are like this.

No I am not like that. You are so insensitive. I did this.

How can I be insensitive. You did not do this. There is this.

And it becomes like a war. Where the issue is forgotten. Our mind may come up with some label.

Based on certain behaviour. But if we have to communicate. Start.

Never start with the label. As far as possible don't bring in the label only. Start with the fact.

Start with the action. Start with the situation. And then we can tell our emotion.

And then after that. We can tell the reason for the emotion. So start with the action.

Tell the emotion. And then tell the reason for the emotion. So.

When you didn't come for the programme. I felt angry. Because.

You had an important service in the programme. We didn't know who will do that service. Whatever it is.

So this way. When we communicate in the mode of goodness. Then.

That person at least understands. What where we are coming from. Why we are feeling the way we are feeling.

And then based on their response. We can appropriately choose. Sometimes they may.

Even after we present the facts. They just don't understand. Then.

We have to understand that. This is the way this person is. They can also try to change.

And nobody normally wants. Especially in close relationship. Nobody wants to intentionally hurt another person.

Sometimes we may do something. Which we know hurt the other person. But we do it because of some pettiness.

You hurt me last time. I will hurt you now. But there is no malevolence over there.

There is no. We don't wish ill on the other person. It's just that that time.

The negativity may spurt out. So. If.

We express ourselves. Clearly. Non-judgementally.

Then. I didn't know it was so important for you. This is so important.

I will take care of it. In future. So then that way.

We can overcome that feeling of negativity. Or we can give the person information. By which they can overcome the feeling of negativity.

Sometimes. Two different people. Just have two different.

Considerations of what is important. The thing may be very important for person A. But for person B it's not that important. But then if person A says.

This is so important for me. Why it is so important. Then person B can adjust and take care of it.

So then if they change. That's good. Then the neglect can be addressed that way.

We see in the past time of Dhruv Maharaj. Because. Maharaj Uttanapad.

Was so infatuated with. Suruchi. That he did not.

Realise the impact. That his neglect. Was going to have on Dhruv.

But later on. When Dhruv left. He left home and went away.

Then Uttanapad realised. The gravity of what he had done. And.

He started lamenting. What have I done? And Narad Muni came. And he told him.

That your son. Is going to do something illustrious. He is going to become a great devotee.

And he will come back soon. So he pacified him. But basically the point is that.

He realised the gravity of his neglect after sometime. When some action happened. Some consequence of that action came out.

So sometimes that is the way people learn. Now the neglect. It has some consequence.

Then they learn it. But it is better to learn through communication. Than through consequence.

Now. This is where the other person. So first is the incidental neglect.

Circumstantial. That we do not have to take so seriously. Something is because that person is desensitised.

Then we have to make them sensitised. But if they are just not ready to be sensitised. Then we have to decrease our expectation.

Bhaktena Thakur gives a definition of humility. Which is extremely difficult to apply. But it can give us a pointer.

In which to move forward. He says humility means. To have no expectation from anyone.

Humility means to have no expectation from anyone. It is very difficult to live in that way. But we can see that okay.

It is not this person is like this. But I didn't have this expectation from them. Let's see how we can function in other ways.

That person may be doing some other things. But this thing. Just doesn't register in them.

Then we have to adjust ourselves. So. We need to feel.

Valued. Cared. But from where that will come.

Sometimes we may expect a particular. Particular way. Of being valued or cared for.

From a particular person. But just because it doesn't come from that person. Doesn't mean that that person doesn't value or care for us.

Because they may be valuing and caring in a different way. So we have to learn to appreciate. The way they are valuing and caring.

And if we need valuing and caring. In some other way. We have to find out within the broader devotee community.

From some other devotees. We may get that. So we have to.

If we feel neglected. We have to address that. And addressing that.

Is our responsibility. It is not. The other person's responsibility.

Yes the other person can. And ideally speaking should do something to address it. But.

If they don't do. What can I do? I cannot let myself. Become a victim of someone else's neglect.

So if somebody is. Neglectful. Then I have to do what it takes.

To have my needs addressed. So that I can move towards Krishna. So we have to.

We have to take responsibility. For. Our emotional health.

And say like. Somebody has got an infectious disease. In our family or in our immediate vicinity.

They have got that disease. But. I can't say you have that disease.

That's your problem. Well yes. If I can help you cure that disease that's fine.

But at least. I have to take care that I don't get that infectious disease. And similarly.

Taking care of. Taking care of our physical health. Is our responsibility.

Without our necessarily judging someone. That you are sick and you are giving me your bad health. But similarly.

Our emotional health is our responsibility. And we have to see. How we can take care of it.

Does that answer your question? Thank you. Any other questions? Yes ma'am. Yeah.

Yes. Now if while opening up. With someone we feel judged.

Then what should we do? Yes. That. Revealing our heart and confidence.

And hearing another. Reveal their heart and confidence. That is one of the.

Two of the six fold. Loving exchanges. That Rupa Goswami talks about.

In the. Updesha Amrit. So now.

We have to understand that. We have to find. The right people.

For doing. The sharing of the heart. It's like with respect to Prashad.

I may cook a. I may cook a very delicious. Sweet. And I may offer it to someone.

But that person has diabetes. Then. That person will have to say no.

And I cannot see that as a personal rejection. No I have diabetes I can't take it. So that.

Reciprocation of cooking some sweet. And offering. That is a reciprocation of love.

But it has to be done with the right person. If I do it with the wrong person. It will not work.

Similarly giving gifts, taking gifts. No. If we give a precious.

Maybe a jewel from the altar. To a child. And the child loses it.

It's a deity's jewel. Okay. I lost it.

You cannot give it to them. So just as the other two interactions. Giving and receiving gifts.

And giving and receiving Prashadam. That has to be done with the right person. Similarly.

Sharing our heart. Has to be done with the right person. So.

If. If a woman is alone at home. And someone knocks on the door.

And she may first look to the people. Who is there. Look to the security camera.

Or if there is a chain. Open the door a little bit. And see who is there.

It's a familiar person. Then they open the door to let them in. Otherwise they don't let them in.

So that's the basic security. For one's own protection. Similarly.

We cannot open the door of our heart. Suddenly to another. We may speak some small point.

And see their response. And feel that they are judging. Then we decide.

I can't open the door over here. That doesn't mean we never open the door. But we have to find out.

With whom I can open the door. I speak. I felt so hurt.

When somebody spoke like this. Don't be so sentimental. They are not just not understanding it.

And that's fine. That's just the way they are. I can't open up with them.

So we have to. Find out. With whom we can open.

In a way. That we won't be judged anymore. Now we can't expect.

And we shouldn't expect that. That other persons will simply pamper. And help us rationalise.

If there is something wrong. That person has to tell it. And if you suggest.

You have to accept me the way I am. And this is the way I am going to stay. No.

We have to accept each other. For the way we are. But we can't accept that.

This is the way I am going to stay. We all have to have some willingness to change. Willingness to become better.

So. There is judging. And there is discriminating.

The word discrimination. Discrimination has a lot of negative connotation nowadays. Like we have racial discrimination.

Gender discrimination. So I prefer the word discerning. Discerning.

So some discerning has to be done. So if we share our heart with someone. And that person discerns.

Okay. You should not have acted this way. This is what you could have done at this time.

This was right. This was wrong. But that can be done in an educational way.

It can be done in judgement. Judgemental way means. What happens is.

That person equates us with the behaviour. You are so lazy. You are so this.

You are so that. But discerning means. You separate the person from the behaviour.

But at the same time tell. This behaviour is not right. And this is what you can do to correct it.

So. We have to open our hearts. It's a responsibility to open our hearts.

So that we can get guidance. It's also a responsibility to find out. With whom I can open the heart.

And for that we have to test the pulse a little bit. Open the heart a little bit. And once we find out the right person.

Then we can open our heart. Thank you very much. So.

So. Do we continue? Or do we have Kirtan now? Continue.