Karma & Relationships

Hare Krishna. So, today I will talk on the topic of Karma in relationships. I will write this in one sentence later.

Before I start, I would like to ask you, what do you think the word Karma means to you, especially in terms of how it might have a bearing on relationships? So broadly, what does Karma mean? And initially, if you would like to talk about how it may relate to our relationships. Any thoughts?

How many of you have heard of the word Karma? All of us probably have heard of it. So, what does it mean to you? Karma can refer to certain things, certain things that we are expected to do; those can be said to be our karmas. Thank you. Anything else?

The result of our actions? Yes, the result of our actions. We have done certain actions and then we get the results. So, Karma is a multi-matched word. It has many different meanings. In English, “run” is the word that has the maximum meaning. It has some 540 meanings. For example, “I am going for a run,” “I am running because my car has stopped running,” or “This person is running for president,” “I am running away from this country.” So, you can have different meanings for the same word.

Similarly, Karma itself is multi-valid. Karma is the word which comes from the Indian language Sanskrit. In English, “run” is the only word which has 500 meanings. In Sanskrit, there are about 500 words with about 500 meanings. So, you try to look at this.

Karma can refer to the action that we do. It can also refer to the reaction that we get. Like somebody might have some natural damage, and it is in my Karma. So, we use the word Karma in that sense also.

Any other sense in the word Karma? Yes, so it can also mean what is the equal and opposite reaction to the action that we do. It is like the reaction to the word. So, how do people react to actions? It is like the results of actions.

I am telling you, like… Ok, what does it mean by that? There is a principle—the principle that action has a reaction. I can use the word “law of Karma.” What we do, what goes around comes around. As we sow, so shall we reap. So, that is an implicit acceptance of the idea of Karma. Thank you. Anything else? Ok.

So, any thoughts about how Karma might relate to relationships? Ok. Thank you.

I will talk in three broad parts today. The talk will be based on my chronic infinity act. So, how can we act in things that are happening in our particular situations?

The first aim is acceptance. We are all born in particular situations. We are born in a country, we are born in a family. We are also born with a particular set of genes. We differ in our IQs; we differ in our appearance to some extent. So, for all of us, we consider when we are born, there is a certain situation or a certain rather context in which we are born. And the understanding here is that when we look at life, broadly speaking, many want to make sense of life, be humans. You don’t just want to survive.

We are all biological creatures like other species. And we all have that need to survive. But there is survival value. Survival value is any food, any place to stay. But what we also want is value for survival. That is, what will make my life beautiful? And one aspect of making life beautiful is to try to make sense of it. What’s going on?

One of the fundamental ways in which we make sense of life is by the principle of cause and effect. In the development of psychology, when a baby is newborn, the baby just cries. The baby doesn’t know: “I’m feeling uncomfortable, I’m feeling bad. What is making me feel bad?”

The human also. When I tell the mother to take the baby and put the baby on the hospital bed, put the baby’s mouth on the breast, and when the baby starts… The baby doesn’t know what to do. But then the baby starts sucking the milk, sucking the breast, getting the milk. “Oh, this feels good.” So, when I feel bad, when I do that, then I feel good.

So basically, the first step in making sense of the world is to start to make sense of the cause-effect correlation. That’s how it’s not just in a child’s world; it’s also in science’s world. Science operates on the principle that there are relationships and causal effects.

For three or four months, I have been in London. I went to Cambridge to give a talk on air science and spirituality. When going back, we passed by the tree that is supposed to be a descendant of the tree under which Newton discovered gravity. So, the legend is that the apple fell from the tree. Fell on its head. So, when the apple fell on its head… Ah, you didn’t put it on its head. It’s just an accident. It just happened.

What made this happen? He asked the question, and that’s how he came up with the theory of gravity. So, when he saw an effect, he assumed that there must be a cause-effect relationship.

Albert Newton had faith in the role of reason. He had faith in the divine organizing principle. At that time, he was not looking immediately for that divine divinity as the extension. What made the apple fall, or what made the apple fall in the first place? That was not his interest. He was looking for a more rational mechanism.

Okay, what made the apple fall? That is the principle of gravity. Every scientific advancement is based on observing patterns and then discovering some causal principle that leads to those patterns. So, that essentially is cause and effect.

Cause and effect is universal in terms of individual understanding, especially for a human being. But collectively, for others, we know that in science, we don’t make sense of that. The cause and effect principle is a foundational principle that we try to make sense of.

When it comes to relationships, when you are born in a particular place in life, there seems to be a combination of patterns and cues. For example, when you come to this university and try to make some friends, if you are polite, friendly, and helpful, then you may find that others are also polite, friendly, and helpful, and you make friends.

But sometimes, you find that you are polite and still, somebody is rude. To the extent you try to be nice to them, they become harsh. “What’s wrong with you?”

So, when that happens, you may decide, okay, something is wrong with this person, and I don’t know anything about this person. There are two kinds of people in the world: Some people bring happiness wherever they go, and others bring happiness whenever they leave.

Normally, if you want to have friendships and relationships, you understand that if you act polite and friendly, you have a fair chance that the other person will reciprocate. So, the first aspect of life is accepting that there is some pattern—a pattern in terms of the cause-effect correlation.

But life doesn’t always follow a strict cause-effect correlation. There also seems to be a certain level of randomness, or at least clearance from arbitrariness. Or you could say there is order, but there also seems to be disorder—a certain level of arbitrariness.

That arbitrariness can be seen in terms of when we are born. To a large extent, our IQ is given, but we can study, train our minds, and improve. However, a student with an IQ of 80 is never going to get an IQ of 100. They can go from 80 to 90, 90 to 100, or even from 130 to 140, 150, but there is a certain range we can’t change.

So, in one sense, when we are born, there is a certain set of things we can understand within patterns. Then we can try to utilize those patterns to function ahead. But there are also certain things which we need to accept.

Now, the cause-effect correlation is foundational. When we extend this principle from nature, in nature we can call it cause and effect. When it comes to the actions of conscious beings, we can call it an action and its effect.

In general, we act based on the understanding that there are actions and there are results of actions. Nobody can live without fundamentally accepting that our actions matter.

Of course, we could work toward two distinct extremes. For all of us, there are times when we do certain things and expect particular results. However, there are times when we face situations that seem utterly unnecessary. We are kind and helpful, and yet the other person is rude or exploits our trust.

For example, we trust someone and share a secret from our heart. What we share in confidence is next seen on Facebook, and we feel utterly betrayed.

When this happens, we face a choice. In general, when we face life, we could go toward two different extremes—two opposites. One is that my actions alone matter, and the other extreme is that everything is random, and my actions don’t matter.

Now, we may or may not view the world in a certain way, but we all have the idea of luck. It’s just my bad luck that I happen to be in this situation or that this thing happened. So, we could go through either of these two extremes.

On one side, we may blame ourselves and hold ourselves responsible in front of a big, large group of people. On the other side, we can blame another person or blame the world. We all experience some form of loss in life, and when we experience loss, there are different ways to deal with it. In any situation, we are all looking for meaning. We try to make sense of what is happening.

So, the loss could be a loss of a relationship or a loss of trust in a relationship. I could say that that’s the event and that’s how I experience it. I could think, “I have lost the relationship. I lost the opportunity.” Now, that is only the objective part. But if you go further, you may say, “I am lost.” If you have invested a lot in a particular relationship, career path, or project and that just gets shattered, you may wonder, “What am I to do now?” “I spent five years on this, I spent ten years on this.” You may feel so confused—”Where am I to go?” This is a bit more disorienting, a bit more damaging.

But the most damaging interpretation, when we try to find meaning in the basis of things, could be our own energy. “There’s something wrong with me, and because of it, I just make mistakes.” This interpretation, this reading of the situation that we face in life, can be not just damaging but also blocking. This is where somebody can sink into depression. Of course, we can also have a lot of self-destructive thoughts. Sometimes, people may resort to self-harm, thinking that the catastrophic result was something we did.

So, how do we make sense of things? Sometimes, we make sense in ways that are sensible, and other times, nonsensical. But we tend to make sense of things in different ways. One is that if my actions don’t matter, I might say, “I am such a fool. Why do I do something like this?” And then we start looking for excuses. We start feeding into self-pity.

On the other hand, there is a more positive way to look at it. Life speaks. The world is a wonderful place. I was in California once, talking to a university there, and I saw a bumper sticker. It said, “The more I get to know people, the more I love my job.” So, the more I get to know people, the more I find my plan reliable because I am exploiting everyone I meet. I spot a crowd, and then I get to my job. Sometimes, we might become cynical, but again, that’s not the issue.

So, how do we make sense of the reversals in life? The karma won’t leave you. It was understood. When we are dealing with people, we need to function in a way that acknowledges there are certain things in our control, and there are many things that are not in our control. However, for those things that are not in our control, you might say, “That’s just the way life is. Just accept it.”

But that’s strange, isn’t it? How do we understand why this happens? Why do I have to meet this kind of person who disappointed me, betrayed me, who abandoned me? So, there is the bigger picture provided to us by the philosophy of karma. In science also, when we are unable to make sense of things, we don’t jump to the conclusion that things don’t exist. Maybe there is some bigger picture that we will eventually understand.

So, what is the bigger picture? For example, let’s talk about Newtonian physics. For about 200-300 years, we did physics on the bedrock of Newton’s laws. But as we started exploring the universe and the movement of objects that were cosmic in size and moving at the speed of light, it started seeming as if their behavior didn’t obey Newton’s laws. Science had an option: we could have just abandoned Newton’s laws as wrong, but instead, we developed a new branch of physics—quantum physics. I studied physics and electrical engineering, which explains things at a broader level. Quantum physics explains the fundamental behavior of atomic particles.

I am giving a very simplified outline of the history of science here. But the point is, when a particular theory that was making sense no longer makes sense, we find observations that don’t seem to align with that theory. We could even say, “Oh, this theory is right, and the observations are wrong.” That won’t lead to progress. Instead, we should look for the bigger picture.

In science, advancement happens most in the territories that we don’t yet fully understand. Normally, whatever is in the core is easily explained. But the territories, such as cosmic bodies or microscopic particles, are not fully explained. These areas need to be expanded in our understanding.

Similarly, we can associate the idea of karma with this. For all of us, when we function in life, actions do produce results. But it’s not necessarily a one-to-one correspondence in terms of how we deal with others or how we function. Every action leads to a result, but some results come sooner, and some come later.

For example, I may do something kind for someone today, and 15 years later, we meet again in college or in our professional careers. I may be nice to them, and they find it very cool. Why is this strange? It could be because, although I am nice to them now, maybe when they were in school, I was a little rude. If you were thinking of them doing this, it’s not because you’re irrational; it’s because you’re still scarred by the memory of me being a harsh person earlier.

So, sometimes, it may happen that the karma cannot be mathematically measured and calculated, but we can use it as a metaphor for understanding. Sometimes the relationships we make in the present and the results we get may not align immediately. We may make an effort, but the other person may not react in the way we expect. It could be that there’s something negative from the past that cancels out the good we are trying to do now. This is why the result we get may seem lesser than expected.

So now, if we are honest, we can also remember people who were special to us. When we were growing up, there was a friend who was very good to us, a teacher, or someone who played a significant role in our lives. And we tend to remember those who were harsh to us. But there is another reality too—sometimes we put in 10 and get back 100. We grow a little, but we get a lot. And that happens because there is something positive from the past that is coming to fruition.

Karma, in this sense, determines to a large extent the kind of people we meet. When I talk about karma, I am referring to the cause-and-effect relationship that leads to actual results or connections. But that actual result is not necessarily instantaneous; it may take time to manifest.

This is where the philosophy becomes more insightful when you start expanding the picture. The picture can go back and say, “Right now, if I am interacting with you, the way I am behaving with you should, in turn, affect how you behave with me.” But that’s only part of the picture. If we start looking at the bigger picture, it could include our personal history and how we have dealt with each other in the past. The bigger picture could also encompass the history of our communities. Maybe I belong to a community that, in the past, has treated yours poorly. And because of that, you may have grown up with certain reservations about me.

Expanding the bigger picture could also relate to certain types of connections. For example, some people might be suspicious about models, healthcare providers, or even bankers and moneylenders. The bigger picture can extend in many directions, and sometimes we behave not so politely with each other because of these past influences.

If I behave impolitely with you, do you think I am a foolish or irrational person? Whether my reason for doing so is reasonable is a different question. Everyone has a reason for their actions, even if that reason does not stand up to scrutiny. There will always be a reason behind what people do, even if it’s not entirely rational.

Now, let’s say I belong to a community that has hurt your community in the past. I might not subscribe to those old ideas, but you might still carry that negative history with you, and it affects how you interact with me. In that case, I may have to work harder to prove myself to you, to become credible in your eyes, and to earn your trust. We all have to work through some negative baggage inherited from the collective history of our communities.

That’s why persistence is important. When things don’t seem to be working out, we don’t need to give up. People may seem populist, and they may use negative phrases that affect the kind of people we meet, but the bigger picture helps us understand what those negative influences are.

In the philosophy of karma, the bigger picture can even extend to previous lives. According to the yoga traditions and the philosophy of karma, we are spiritual beings, and our journey doesn’t begin with birth nor end with death. Let’s look at this as a proposition. At this point, we won’t evaluate the merit of the proposition, but it can help us make sense of things.

The bigger picture suggests that there is something from our previous lives that can affect us in this life. When we are born, we come with a karma baggage. It’s not just about birth; it’s about the karma we carry with us. Some people may have more baggage than others—some people have carry-on baggage, and others have checked baggage. But we all carry karma with us.

This karma baggage comes to us in installments. At the start of our journey, we receive a big installment. The country we are born in, the family we belong to, the genes we inherit—these substantial factors shape our life’s trajectory. In science, we talk about cause and effect, but there is always a starting condition. Without considering the starting condition, we cannot fully understand how cause and effect principles play out.

That starting condition is largely determined by our karma baggage. Throughout our lives, these installments of karma keep coming. Sometimes these installments are positive, sometimes negative. When we experience positive installments, we may do something small and receive a “lucky break.” For example, I apply for a scholarship, and it comes through. It’s not just the scholarship; it’s the result of karma that brought this positive outcome.

It was some positive karma that unfolded for us. I have a friend in America who was working at a software company. In 2020, he decided to start his own small company and invested his life savings into it. After securing a property and starting everything, I left him. I didn’t complete the connection. I could pay the rent or do anything, but I just didn’t follow through.

This is an example of karma in action. Karma is the practice that keeps coming, and sometimes its installments come in different ways. I would like to highlight two points here: adversity and atrocity. How many of you have read these two words—adversity and atrocity? Are they the same or are they different? How many of you think they are the same? How many of you think there is a difference?

What do you think is the difference? Anyone?

Adversity refers to difficult circumstances we face in life, unforeseen situations that challenge us. Atrocity, on the other hand, refers to something that is forcibly imposed upon us, something too much to handle. It’s forced by a person or event. So, adversity is something that happens naturally, like an earthquake or a flood. Is a flood caused by nature adversity or atrocity? It’s adversity.

But if terrorists blow up a dam and that causes a flood, that’s an atrocity. So, adversity is typically caused by natural events, while atrocity has human causes. When a war occurs, we can say that there are a lot of atrocities happening.

So, which of these is more difficult to deal with—adversity or atrocity?

Atrocity.

Why is that? Because when we can put a face to whatever is causing the harm, it becomes harder to understand or accept. Atrocities are much more difficult to deal with.

On the positive side, we can also experience good fortune, like winning the lottery. That’s good fortune. But if someone invests in our business or supports our project, it’s not just about good fortune. It’s also about the help we receive from others, which gives us a morale boost. It reinforces our faith in the goodness of humanity and in the kindness of people. This emotional connection, both in positive and negative experiences, is important in our understanding of karma.

When we face situations where life seems disproportionate—especially when something bad happens to us despite us not doing anything wrong—it can feel like life is playing a trick on us. But if we are honest, we also recognize that sometimes good fortune comes along as well. Karma works both ways.

In terms of our situations, karma may determine the kind of people we encounter. For example, when we stay in a hostel, we might be assigned a particular room. That room could be helpful or self-serving, or it could be exploited in various ways. To some extent, we can choose how we respond. We may find out that a person is difficult to be around, but we don’t always know how someone might turn out. Sometimes people seem harsh, but over time, we might see a different side of them.

In this sense, karma influences the people who come into our lives. It determines the kind of people we meet and interact with. Some people might have a bad reputation, and as a result, most of the people around them could be harsh or difficult. On the other hand, someone with a more positive reputation might attract kinder, more trustworthy people around them.

So, karma can shape the kinds of people we encounter, as it reflects the results of our past actions and the collective energy we carry with us.

However, the kind of person we become is not driven solely by karma. It is not determined by past karma alone. I won’t just become a good person because of past karma. I must actively choose to be a good person. Wanting to be good is not enough; I need to work towards becoming something good. And that is enough.

Our present actions are entirely up to us. We choose how we will act in any given situation.

Imagine we are living in a new city, in a different place, and we trust someone, only to be betrayed by them. It’s a simple scenario. But overall, if we have been friendly and cordial with others, when that person betrays us, others will be there to help us. This may be a bad thing that happened to us, but if we have also been mean, self-serving, or arrogant, then when that person betrays us, the consequences will be harsher.

The value of karma helps us make sense of this. Our actions matter, even when they don’t seem to. Even when we feel like we’ve been kind to someone and they haven’t returned the favor, our actions still matter. That person may have abandoned us, but being kind to others will always have value.

Let me summarize this using a diagram. There is our present karma, and then there is our past karma. Our present karma can be positive or negative, and our past karma can be positive or negative.

• If both present and past karma are positive, that is the best situation. In this case, we are kind, friendly, and good to others. If we pass on our positivity, we meet people who are also kind and friendly, and we can build strong, positive relationships.
• If our present karma is negative and our past karma is negative, we may find ourselves meeting people who are also mean and exploitative. In this scenario, small conflicts can escalate, leading to serious consequences. Social media can also act as a platform for this, where gossip or character assassination can occur.

Now, sometimes people with negative present karma seem to get away with their actions. They might betray others and still appear to succeed. This happens because their past karma might be positive, and so they are not immediately affected by the negative consequences of their actions. They may be doing negative things but still seem to prosper because their past karma is still carrying them forward.

This situation creates a dangerous illusion. It’s like someone jumping from a low height and landing safely—they may think it’s fine. But if they jump from a higher place, the fall is harder, even though they may still feel safe in the moment. This is why, as people’s actions become more exploitative, they may feel like they’re getting away with it, but eventually, the consequences of their actions will catch up with them.

In the meantime, when we are in such situations, where we feel exploited or hurt, it’s important to persist. Persisting means not losing hope or giving up, even when the people around us are not being kind. It’s about choosing to maintain our own integrity and continue doing good, despite the difficulties we face.

A person doesn’t necessarily need to persist in a particular relationship with a particular person, especially if that person is being abusive or manipulative. It’s important to maintain distance from such individuals. However, we shouldn’t lose faith in the principle of trying to be a good person. There is a difference between being nice and being naive. Being nice means being a good person, but not being overly trusting or gullible. Naivety is when we trust others uncritically, especially when they have proven to be mean or exploitative.

Our aspiration could be to meet someone nice, and we all want to meet good people. However, this depends on our past karma. I want to become a nice person, and this is something within my control. This is where our present karma comes in — it’s something we can actively work on.

But how can you know if you’re becoming a nicer person? One way to understand it is by assessing how peaceful you feel in your own company. This doesn’t mean we have to dislike others; it’s about our own internal peace and alignment with our values.

Now, the last point to discuss is P — Transcendence. Transcendence refers to the tension between two values in our society: liberty and equality. We value freedom and autonomy, but we also value equality. However, there’s a tension between these two values because nature itself is not equal.

In nature, people are inherently different — some are taller, fitter, or smarter than others. If there were complete liberty, society would likely break down, as survival of the fittest would dominate. The concept of “fittest” inherently implies that some people are better suited than others in various ways. So, while we might implicitly accept equality in society, we don’t have a material metric that can claim true equality in terms of characteristics such as height, age, or intellect.

We accept that everyone is different, and on one level, we all belong to the human species, which is why we may say that we are all equal. But at a functional level, differences still exist. This brings us to a deeper reality — our spiritual essence. We often seek self-worth, but how we go about this can vary.

We can seek self-worth extrinsically or intrinsically. Extrinsic self-worth comes from external validation: how much respect we receive, how many likes we get on social media, or how many people notice us when we enter a room. For many people, their net worth often translates to their self-worth.

However, if we rely solely on extrinsic sources for our self-worth, we are bound to fall into extremes. There is a common misconception that ego and humility are opposites, but they are more like a pendulum. On one side, we have ego — an inflated sense of self-worth based on external validation. On the other side, we have humility — a lack of self-assertion. Both extremes miss the point of intrinsic self-worth.

Intrinsic self-worth comes from within. It’s not based on how others perceive us but on how we perceive ourselves. It’s about recognizing our inherent value, regardless of external approval.

Ego is one extreme, and insecurity is the other. Between them lies humanity.

Ego tells us, “I know everything. I can do everything. I am everything.” On the other hand, insecurity makes us feel guilty, thinking, “I can do nothing. I know nothing. I am nothing.”

Our sense of self can fluctuate depending on the people around us. If we’re with someone we perceive as smarter or more capable, we may feel insecure. Conversely, if we’re with someone we feel we’re smarter than, insecurity can still arise.

From a functional perspective, we are often evaluated based on our skills or abilities. For instance, when it comes to completing a job, the question becomes: “Can I do the job better than someone else?” This kind of evaluation is unavoidable. However, when we let this evaluation define our identity, we become prone to constant oscillation — sometimes feeling great about ourselves, and at other times feeling terrible.

The yoga tradition offers a path toward transcendence, helping us connect with a spiritual reality that is indestructible. Practices like meditation allow us to experience this deeper sense of self. When we feel this spiritual connection within ourselves, we gain a stronger sense of self-worth. We no longer depend on others’ validation; instead, we connect with a higher reality that transcends external circumstances.

As we deepen this spiritual connection, we experience inner stability and a more reliable sense of self-worth. We can relate to others from a stronger foundation, where our sense of self is no longer impulsive or dependent on external opinions. When we encounter negative karma — people letting us down, abandoning us, or rejecting us — it’s easy to start thinking that there’s something wrong with us. To feel unwanted or unloved is painful, but to feel unlovable is even worse.

However, when we cultivate a strong spiritual foundation, we transcend the insecurity that arises from our relationships. This deeper connection helps us experience unity and fulfillment within ourselves, offering a stable platform for our interactions with others.

Ultimately, the most important growth we can pursue is spiritual growth, not social growth. While we all desire to grow socially and expand our influence, spiritual growth offers us far more stability. When we prioritize spiritual growth, we can endure life’s ups and downs without being shaken by them. We become reliable, steady individuals, who are not easily swayed by external circumstances.

When we focus on spiritual growth, we can become deeply blessed. Social growth may fluctuate, depending on our karma, but spiritual growth remains constant. If we focus solely on social growth, we might find success during positive karma phases, but when negative karma strikes, we’ll have nothing left — no true sense of self-worth, neither extrinsic nor intrinsic.

Thus, when we transcend the need for extrinsic self-worth and prioritize our spiritual journey, we cultivate a stable, unshakable sense of self. In doing so, we gain a deeper connection to both ourselves and others, becoming individuals who are truly grounded, no matter the external circumstances.

This ultimately leads us to a difficult situation. However, we are fortunate because we have the ability to make choices. Karma, in the end, grants us agency — the power to choose. We all have the capacity to decide right now to prioritize our spiritual growth.

By choosing to chant mantras, meditate, and cultivate intrinsic self-worth, we build a spiritual foundation. With this foundation, we can then move forward socially and create the brightest possible future for ourselves, regardless of the karmic baggage we carry from the past.

To summarize today’s discussion on Karma and Relationships, I touched on three main points:

1. The Principle of Karma: We first discussed the principle of action — the idea that if we do good, others will respond in kind. If we are kind, others will be kind. This is a basic principle of life, and understanding it is crucial to both personal growth and human development. We naturally accept this principle to some extent. However, when we look at the world, we see both order and disorder. Sometimes good actions lead to good results, but sometimes they don’t. When faced with disorder, we can fall into two extremes: we might think we are failures, or we might believe the world is inherently flawed. Instead of these extremes, we must look for a bigger picture.
   • Sometimes, doing good may not bring immediate results because we might be experiencing negative karma from the past. In those moments, persistence is key. We must trust that by continuing to do good, the results will come in time. This requires patience and understanding, knowing that the universe has its own timing.
2. Persistence in the Right Principles: In challenging relationships, it’s important to remember that persistence doesn’t mean staying in the same toxic relationship. Instead, persistence means sticking to the principles of goodness and personal growth. We need to focus on becoming better people rather than just seeking the perfect relationship. Our past karma may not be in our control, but our present karma — the ability to grow into better people — is within our power.
3. Self-Worth and Spiritual Growth: Our sense of self-worth is crucial. If we derive it only from external sources — how others praise or neglect us — we will continually swing between ego and insecurity. But when we develop intrinsic self-worth, we find humility. Humility is not about seeing ourselves as perfect, but recognizing that there is a divine spark within us. We all carry an inherent value that is unshaken by external validation.

Through spiritual practices, we cultivate a connection to this inner reality. By prioritizing spiritual growth over external recognition, we navigate through the negative karma phases in our lives. In the end, this spiritual foundation leads us to a brighter future.

Thank you very much.

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Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
so today I will talk on this topic of karma in relationships so before I start I would like to ask you what do you think the word karma means to you especially in terms of how it might help you in your relationships so broadly, what does karma mean and additionally, if you would like to talk about how it may relate with our relationships because how many of you have heard the word karma all of us probably have heard it so what does it mean to you karma can refer to duties certain things that you are expected to do those things actually are karma anything else the result of our actions the result of our actions we do certain actions and then we get the results so karma is a multi-valued word it has many different meanings in English, run is the word which has the maximum it has 540 meanings I am going for a run I am running because my car has stopped running because this person is running for president I am running away from this country it can have different meanings for the same word so like that the word karma itself is multi-valued so karma is the word which comes from the Indian language Sanskrit in English run is the only word which has more than 500 meanings in Sanskrit there are about 500 words which have more than 500 meanings so you try to look at this so karma can refer to the action that we do it also refers to the reaction that we get like somebody might have some natural talent you say it’s in my karma so we use the word karma in that sense also any other sense you know about karma so it can also mean equal and opposite reaction to the word reaction to the word so how is that different from reaction to actions it is like results of actions ok what is the principle there is a principle the principle that action has reaction like we use the word law of karma that what we do, what goes around comes around as we sow so shall we reap so that is an implicit acceptance of the idea of karma thank you anything else any thoughts about how karma might relate with relationships thank you so I will talk in three broad parts and the talk will be based on my chronic AED act so how can we act in ways that are apt in our particular situations so the first aim is acceptance we are all born in particular situations in particular country, in particular family we are also born with a particular set of genes so for all of us we consider when we are born there is a certain situation or a certain context in which you are born and the understanding here is that when we look at life broadly speaking we want to make sense of life we humans we don’t just want to survive we are all biological creatures like other creatures and we all have that need to survive but there is survival value survival value is survival value but what we also want is value for survival that what will make my life meaningful and one aspect of making life meaningful is to try to make sense of it what is meaningful and one of the fundamental ways in which we make sense of life is by the principle of cause and effect in developing the psychology when a baby is newborn when this Christ represents no one I am feeling uncomfortable I am feeling bad what is making me feel bad the mother who took the baby and put the baby on the boston and put the baby’s mouth in the breast and when the baby doesn’t know what to do but then the baby starts sucking the milk sucking the breast milk oh this feels good so when I feel bad when I do that then I feel good so basically the first step in making sense of the world is to start making sense of the cause effect correlation that’s how it’s not just in a Chinese group it’s also in science groups science operates on the principle that there are relationships with cause and effects for people who want to survive in London or Cambridge to give a talk about their psychic spirituality so when going back we passed by the tree that is supposed to be a descendant of the tree under which Newton discovered gravity so the legend is that the apple fell on the tree fell on the tree, fell on his head so when the apple fell on his head Newton would understand it’s just an accident what made this happen he asked the question and that’s how he came up with the theory of gravity so when he saw an effect he assumed that there must be a cause for it and Albert Newton had faith, Newton was a theist and he had faith in a divine organising principle at that time he was not looking immediately for that divine divinity as the exception what made the apple fall or what made the apple fall that was not his interest he was looking for more of a rational mechanism what made the apple fall that is the principle of gravity every scientific advancement is based on observing patterns and then discerning some causal pieces from those patterns so that essentially is cause and effect so cause and effect is universal in terms of the individual understanding so for an individual in terms of a newborn baby but collectively for our humanity if we consider science we try to make sense of life and the cause and effect principle is a foundational principle by which we try to access so when it comes to relationships when we are born in a particular place in life there is there seems to be a combination of patterns and cues that when we say now you have come to this universe and you try to make some friends so if you are polite and friendly and helpful then you may find that others are also polite and friendly and helpful and you make friends but sometimes you find that you are polite and say somebody is a fool to the extent you try to be gentle and nice to them to the extent they become harsh on you then what’s wrong with you so in that aspect you may decide something is wrong with this person and I don’t want anything to do with this person broadly there are two kinds of people in the world some people bring happiness whenever they want and others bring happiness whenever they want so normally if you want to have friendships if you want to have relationships you understand that if I act to the good then I have a fair chance that the other person was right so the first aspect of life is that we accept that there is some pattern pattern in terms of cause effect coordination but while life does not have this idea of cause effect coordination there also seems to be a certain level of chaos or at least chaos to our perception one could say there is order and there seems to be disorder or a certain level of arbitrariness so that arbitrariness can be in terms of when we are all born to a large extent our IQ is determined by our genes certainly we can study and train our minds and we can improve but a student with an IQ of 80 is never going to get an IQ of 180 you can go from 80 to 90 to 100 but there is a certain range that we can’t change so in one sense when we are born there are a certain set of things that we can understand some patterns within them and then we can try to utilise those patterns to function better but there are also certain things which we need to accept so now the cause effect coordination is foundational and this principle can be extended from beyond nature in nature we can call it simply as cause and effect when it comes to the action of conscious beings we can call it as action and in general we act based on the understanding of their actions and their results and nobody can live without a fundamental acceptance of us that my actions matter now of course we could go towards two distinct extremes see for all of us there are times when we do some things expecting or seeking a particular result we want to do something else and so for all of us we start and function with this understanding that my actions matter but there are times when we face situations that seem utterly unacceptable so we are very kind and helpful and that person is not really cold but that person becomes exploitative, that person abuses our trust that person abuses us we trust someone and share some secret of our heart and what we share in confidence next day we find on facebook we feel utterly betrayed so when this happens we face a choice in general when we face life we could go towards two different extremes two opposites one is that my actions alone matter I was a gentleman and then the other extreme is that everything is destiny my actions don’t matter now we may or may not use the word destiny but we all have the idea of luck it’s just my bad luck that I happened in this situation or this thing happened so we could go through either of these two extremes and on one side we may blame ourselves we hold ourselves responsible but on the other hand we can blame another person we all experience some loss in life whenever we experience loss there are different ways we all look for me we try to make sense of all that so the loss could be a loss of a relationship loss of trust in a relationship so that’s the event and that’s how I experience the event so I may think that I have lost ok, I lost this relationship I lost this opportunity now, that is relatively objective but if we go further we may say I am lost if we have invested a lot in a particular relationship in a particular career path and that just gets shattered what am I to do? I spent 5 years in this, 10 years in this I am lost, where am I to go? this is a bit more disorienting it’s a bit more damaging but the most damaging interpretation when we try to find meaning when we make sense of things the most damaging thing to do is something wrong because of which we just make mistakes so this interpretation this reading of the situation that we face in our life can be not just damaging this is where somebody can sink into depression a person can have a lot of self-esteem issues and sometimes people may lose self-confidence which is a point of suicide so what does that mean? something we did and then we got a severely catastrophic result and suddenly I am a loser so how do we make sense of things? it can sometimes be sensible and it can sometimes be nonsensical but we tend to make sense of things in different ways so one is that if my actions don’t matter I might say right, I am the chef, I am the chef why did I do something like this? so here we can start looking down at ourselves we can start hating ourselves getting self-pity rather than this, let the world hate you life speaks the world is a rotten place I was in California when I saw a car bumper that sticker over there the more I get the more people the more I love my dog so the more I get the more people the more I find people unreliable I don’t want to be human so sometimes we may become cynical then again that’s not very good so how can we so when we face reversals how do we make sense of the reversals? this is where the karma will lead when we are dealing with people we function in a way that there are certain things in our control and there are many things that are not however those things that are not in our control that’s just the way life is, just accept it that’s fair enough but how do we understand, why is it like this? why did I have to meet this kind of person who disappointed me, who betrayed me who abandoned me so that is where the bigger picture that is provided to us by the philosophy of life in science also generally when we are unable to make sense of things at that time we don’t jump the conclusion that things don’t make sense maybe there is a bigger picture that I need to see so bigger picture means that say I talk about Newtonian physics for about 200-300 years Newtonian physics was on the bedrock of physics but then as we started exploring the universe and started exploring the movement of objects which were cosmic in size which were moving at the speed of light it started seeming as if their behaviour doesn’t seem to be obeying Newton’s laws exactly then science had an option we just abandoned Newton’s laws as wrong then we developed quantum physics that explains something at a broader level quantum physics explains something at a fundamental level I am giving a very bare bones outline of the history of science but the point is that when a particular theory that was making sense no longer makes sense or we find observations that don’t seem to be agreeable to that theory we could either say this theory is right and these observations are wrong that will not lead to good or we could say this whole universe is chaotic and there is no theory at all then we say ok, because of the bigger picture so science advances by most of scientific advancement happens in the characteristics of our understanding normally whatever is in the core that can easily be explained but in characteristics, cosmic bodies at that moment gravity is not explainable microscopic bodies, they are explainable so there are things that are not explainable by the existence and that’s when we need to expand so what is the expansion? similarly we get associated with the idea of karma that for all of us when we function in life actions do produce results but it is not necessarily a one to one correspondence in terms of how we deal with others or how we function every action leads to a result but some results may come sooner, some results may come later say maybe I am new in school and then 15 years later we meet again in college or we meet colleagues in our profession and then I am trying to be nice to you you are trying to be very cool why are you being so strange? it could be that although I am nice to you now maybe when we were in school I was very rude to you and if you were being calm to me it’s not because you are irrational it’s because you are still scarred by the memory of my being a harsh person in general so basically sometimes it may happen that we put in the karma cannot be mathematically measured and calculated but we can use that as a metaphor for understanding so sometimes in the relationship we may invest 100 and what we get back is barely 10 we do a lot for the other person but the other person barely runs upwards now you could say it just won’t make sense or it could be that there is something negative coming from the past so there is minus 90 coming from the past which is cancelling a major part of the 100 that I am investing and that’s why what I get right now so now if we are honest we will also remember people who were especially nice to us some friend was very good to us and helped us so we tend to remember the people who were harsh to us but there are other realities sometimes we put 10 and we get 100 we do a little but we get a lot and that happens because there is something positive from the past that is getting added to it so karma determines to a large extent the kind of people that we meet so this so by karma I am talking about the cause effect or actual result or connection but that actual result is not necessarily instantaneous it may take time and this is where the Thargoid philosophy becomes a little more intricate when you start expanding the picture the picture can go back say right now if I am interacting with you and the way I am behaving with you you should behave with me that’s a normal way of doing it if we start looking at the bigger picture the bigger picture could be how we behave with each other the bigger picture could be also the history of our communities maybe I belong to a community that has in the past treated you as a community and that’s why even growing up with certain reservations about me if we start expanding the bigger picture it could also be related to certain professions maybe some people are suspicious about morals, some people are suspicious about healthcare providers maybe some people are suspicious about women lenders bankers so the bigger picture can expand in a good way now I may say that I didn’t do anything to you somebody else from the past somebody from my community I didn’t subscribe to their views isn’t it true? still when you are behaving not so politely with me or conversely I am not behaving so politely with you do you think that I am a foolish person, I am an irrational person or now whether my reason is reasonable, that’s a different question see everybody has a reason for what they do even if the reason does not stand the scrutiny of reason even if the reason does not stand the scrutiny of reason it will be for some reason so we could expand the picture in different ways so now say I belong to a community that has hurt your community in the past I don’t enjoy those views but you will actually have a reservation and at that time I may have to put in some hard work I may have to work harder than usual to become present in your eyes so we all may have to work through some negative baggage in collectivism and that’s why I was pointing out so be is persist persist means that when things don’t seem to be working out we don’t need to put the excuse that I am populous people are populous yes we are good and this negative phase which affects the kind of people we meet the bigger picture that will help us to detect what is the negative phase that bigger picture can extend when I am interacting with you that bigger picture can extend according to philosophy of karma even to previous lives that is we the yoga traditions have given us the philosophy of karma tell us that we are at our core spiritual beings and as spiritual beings our journey doesn’t begin with birth it doesn’t end with death now let’s look at this simply as a proposition we will evaluate the merit of the proposition later but at this point the bigger picture which is helping us to make sense of things the bigger picture states that there is something which can come from previous lives also so when we are born in this life we can say we have a karma baggage this one is birth and this one is death we have a karma baggage that comes with us now some of us have carry on bags some of us just have checking bags some people may not have a baggage some people may not have a baggage but all of us have this karma baggage and now this karma baggage comes to us in instalments right at the start of our own journey itself we get a big instalment the country in which we are born, the family in which we are born the genes in which we are born all these substantially shape our life’s trajectory in science we can always talk about causative principles but there is always a starting condition and without the starting condition being considered how the causative principles can play out we can’t always be sure in the starting condition that is to a significant extent represented by our karma baggage so we all have an instalment of karma that comes at the start and then throughout our lives some instalments of karma keep coming to us now sometimes these instalments will be positive sometimes the instalments will be negative so if we say the instalments are positive what that means is that essentially we do some small good thing and we get what people say lucky break now I applied for scholarship and scholarship it is not just scholarship it’s a random act it was some positive karma that unfolded for us and sometimes I have a friend in America he was working for a software company and in 2020 he decided to start his own small company and he put his life’s studies on that and after he got the property he started everything and then the pandemic came it’s not complete financial you have to pay the rent so now it is just what you might call a bad time so for us we have this karma baggage that keeps coming and some instalment from it keeps coming so when this instalment comes it can come in different ways I would like to ask you adversity and atrocity how many of you have heard these two words adversity and atrocity are they the same or are they different how many of you think they are the same thing how many of you think there is a difference how many of you think there is a difference what do you think is the difference adversity and atrocity basically adversity is some difficult circumstance that we face in our life unforeseen situations but atrocity is something that is forced upon us and that is too much for us to handle it’s forced upon us anyone like any other person on the nature see if there is an earthquake or if there is a flood is a flood adversity or atrocity see if terrorists blow up a dam and that causes a flood that’s an atrocity so adversity is generally natural causes adversity has human causes so when a war occurs we say there are war atrocities that happen now amongst adversity and atrocity which is more difficult to deal atrocity because if you can put a face to whatever is causing it how do you understand why do you actually act so atrocities are much more difficult similarly if you consider from a positive side we can have fortune in terms of good fortune there is good fortune and then there is a benefactor say if we just win a lottery that’s a good fortune but if we need to start some business and somebody gives us money somebody invests in our project somebody starts a scholarship then what happens is actually good fortune is wonderful but if somebody helps us that is much more moral we have our faith in the goodness of humanity in the goodness of people so when we see human agents our emotions become involved both in the positive and negative so when people this point of consistency what the karma world will also understand is that when something seems to be happening which is disproportionate especially when we get something bad when we have not done anything that bad or we have not done anything bad at all but if we are honest we also see that sometimes good fortune comes along so karma works both ways so in terms of our dealing with situations karma may determine the kind of people that come around us karma may determine that sometimes we come say in a hostel and we have a particular robot now that robot would be very helpful that robot would be very self-serving that robot would be extremely useful it would be very useful now to some extent we can choose we find out that some person is really a terrible person and I don’t want to say that we have to go ahead but whenever we say we are working on a project to some extent we are taking it to the rock we don’t really know who that person is what they speak of when we try to form a long term relationship so the point is that by our karma that, by karma means by the karma baggage that we have of the past our karma is referring to the results of the past karma that are stored and that come and relate to us that may determine the kind of people that come around us so in that sense karma may determine the range of people that come around us sometimes the people are born badly then what happens is most of the people around them might be harsh people, might be violent people that’s the limit some people are born good people for them maybe people around them may be more trustworthy more kind, more good so karma may determine the kind of people that we meet however the kind of person we become that is not a given by other that by karma means not by past karma so I want to meet some good person we all may want to be friends of good person I want to meet some good person now that is not enough but I want to become someone good that is enough so our present actions are entirely up to us it is we who choose how we will act so suppose by some past karma baggage so we live in a new city a different place and there is someone whom we trust that person but overall we will be kind and friendly and cordial with others when that person betrays us others will be there to help us but if we have also been mean or self-serving or arrogant then when that person betrays us we will be alive so persist means what? that karma we all make sense of it the way karma helps us to make sense of it is that our actions matter even when they don’t seem to even when they don’t seem to then I was so kind to this person and still this person betrayed me what is the use of being kind to this person our actions matter that person may have abandoned us but our being nice and cordial will always be so there is the entirety of this session there is our present karma and then there is our past karma now our present karma can be positive and our past karma can be positive so now if our present karma is positive past karma is positive, then that is the best situation that means I am a nice and friendly and good person and if my past karma is positive, I also meet somebody is nice and friendly and then we can have a good relationship and I can have a swirly friends those will be like long friendships are forged in that so if this is the situation this is the best situation.
Now if my present karma is negative that means I am mean and exploitative and my past karma was negative what happens is I also meet people who are mean and exploitative. Now this is a bad situation. Sometimes two people have small argument and from that small argument first person becomes angry and punches the other person.
The second person punches the first person and the first person takes all the money. The second person takes all the money. Small issue is fixed.
Now we may not take out knives and guns. On social media we have the digital equivalent of knives and guns. We can spread rumours about others.
We can gossip about others. There can be physical assassination and there can be character assassination. So this is the darkest situation in one sense.
Let’s see if it is darkest. Now you know that sometimes gossip happens. For gossip to happen two things have to work together.
That generally we gossip when we hear something we like. There are so many things we hear. We hear something we like about someone we don’t like.
So you know this person acts as if he is my great person in life. I am not like that. And now I know who they are.
In public interest I tell everyone. So sometimes we have diversity. Sometimes somebody else might gossip.
And they might take truths and just try to share them. They might take truths and embellish them, exaggerate them. And they can spread them around.
Or they can just come up fabulously downright lies. And they can spread. So sometimes what happens is for us, our karma, in this unsatisfactory situation, our past karma is positive.
And our present karma is negative. Now this is where, in a very refined language, people become jerks. That means what happens is that person is doing bad things but nothing seems to be happening to him.
They betray this person and they kick this person and they abandon that person and they backbite that person. And still they seem to be going forward. So what is happening is that present karma is negative but because they have a past karma phase of positivity, so they are not getting the results of their actions.
So if I go back to the earlier diagram, they might be doing 100 negative, but they might have 150 that is positive. And you might see that they still have opportunities. They are such terrible people but still their reputation is so good.
Now this is actually living dangerously. And living dangerously is not in the positive sense of being adventurous. It is being too hard.
If we are in a situation, sometimes we might be exploitative, we might be abusive. None of us are like that. We might seem to be getting everything but we are not getting the results.
It is just that there is a positive karma phase. So sometimes the person around us, that person may be in that phase and that is why they will do terrible things to us and they will seem to be getting everything. But the thing is they are creating a dark future for themselves.
It is like say, somebody jumps out from a first floor window. If they are lucky, they are not enjoying themselves too much. If somebody gets into a helicopter and jumps down from the helicopter, now to crash down from the helicopter may take some time.
And during that time, if they are not looking at the ground, it is a nice ride. People will be listening and looking in my ears. So the higher we go, the harder we fall.
But the longer it may take to reach the top. And during that time, the person may have an illusory sense of everything is fine. So actions will have results.
Mean people will eventually have to bear the consequences. But for us, if I don’t want to persist, it could be in this situation. We are being a nice person but the people around us are not being nice.
So at that time, what happens is we learn to persist. This is a negative case. A person doesn’t disagree with me.
We have to persist in that particular relationship with that particular person. Now, if somebody is being abusive, somebody is being manipulative, we can keep a distance from them. But we don’t lose faith in the principle that let me try to be a good person.
There is a difference between being nice and being naive. We want to be nice in the sense of being polite, courteous, but not naive. Naive means being critically and uncritically trusting.
We will be hurt, we will be exploited. Our aspiration could be that I want to meet someone nice. And we all would like to meet somebody good person.
But this depends on our past karma. That I want to become someone nice. This is within our control.
This is our present karma. This is something which we cannot try to do. Now how can we know whether I am becoming someone nice? One way to understand it is that how peaceful can we be in our own company.
This doesn’t mean that we dislike others. This will be the last point. T must persist.
Now the last part is T. T is transcendent. Transcendent means that we normally, the way we live in the world, there are two values. There is the value of liberty.
Liberty, freedom, autonomy. We value that. And there is the value of equality.
And we value that also. But actually there is a tension between these two. For nature itself is open.
Nature as biology has not studied the American Declaration of Independence. So biologically different people are different. Some people are taller than others.
Some people are fitter than others. Some people are smaller than others. If there were complete liberty, the society would not have equality.
Isn’t it? Nature is governed by survival of the fittest. When we use the word fittest, that means there is no equality. There are some people who are fitter than others.
So the thing is that for the world we may implicitly accept the idea of equality. But there is no material metric on the basis of which we can actually claim equality. In terms of height, in terms of weight, in terms of any measurable parameter.
Everyone is different. I think everyone is different. In terms of people are different.
So we are all different. And yet there is a part of us which accepts that everybody should be small. Everybody should be happy.
So on what basis is this equality to be founded? Actually, if we stick to the material level of life, we say we all belong to the human species. And that’s what we are all. But then the human species, like any other species, is also operating based on survival of the fittest.
So we can say all our problems are the same. And some are the same. But at a functional level, there is difference.
So that longing for equality actually points to a deeper reality. Points to our spirituality. That there is, we all seek self-worth.
Now we can seek self-worth extrinsically or we can seek self-worth intrinsically. Extrinsically means that how much do people respect me? If I come into a room, how many headstones do I see? If I post something on social media, how many likes do I get? For many people, their self-worth may be equivalent to their net worth. Now this is extrinsic.
Now we live in a world where there is competition. And extrinsic evaluation matters. Some people say, I don’t care what you think about me.
But then they may write that on their T-shirt and they want us to know. I don’t care. I don’t care what you think about me.
But I care that you know that I don’t care. So nobody can live in a complete cocoon. So there will be a certain level of extrinsic evaluation that will happen.
And we can avoid that. But if that extrinsic evaluation and extrinsic source is the sole source of our self-worth. Then we can always go towards two extremes.
Often we think of there are people who have ego. What’s the opposite of ego? Somebody doesn’t have ego, what would you describe that person? A number. So normally we think of ego and humility to be opposites.
When there is some truth in that, it’s a partial reality. Actually, it’s a pendulum. Ego is on one side and insecurity is on the other side.
And in between the two is humility. Ego claims that I know everything. I can do everything.
I am everything. Insecurity makes it difficult. I can do nothing.
I know nothing. I am nothing. So often, based on the kind of people we are with, we oscillate between ego and insecurity.
If we are with someone who is smarter than us, we start feeling insecure. If we are with someone that we are smarter than, then we start feeling insecure. And to some extent, from a functional perspective, we have no value.
If we have to get a job done, can I do the job better or can they do the job better? So that expensive evaluation cannot be rejected. But when that becomes the basis of our identity, we just keep oscillating. Sometimes we feel great about ourselves and sometimes we feel terrible about ourselves.
What the yoga tradition tells us is there is a code to us. That is spiritual, that is indestructible, that is inviolable. And that is devotion.
That is a part of the Supreme Divinity. And when we practise meditation, then we start connecting to that Supreme Divinity within us. And then that gives us a sense of inclusiveness.
Whether people respect me or not, there is a higher reality with which I connect. And to the extent we connect to that higher reality, say if I am here, you are here. And there is a higher spiritual reality.
So transcendence means this connection becomes strong for us. Through our personal spiritual growth, where we understand that there is a core of spirituality, a core of divinity, a core of something inviolable and indestructible within me. This brings us stability.
This helps us to have inclusive self-worth. And then when we are relating with others, we can relate on a much sounder platform. When we don’t have inclusive self-worth coming from spiritual growth, then what others think of us becomes what we think about ourselves.
And then others actually… So when we are going through a phase of negative karma, then say people let us down, people abandon us, people reject us. We start thinking, maybe there is something wrong with me. To feel unwanted or unloved is a terrible thing.
But to feel not just unloved, but to feel unloved is an unbelievable thing. So ultimately when we transcend the duality of relationships by having this higher connection, this higher spiritual connection, which helps us experience unity and satisfaction within ourselves, then we have a stable foundation by which we can relate with others. And ultimately the karma of the path, the choice that we have is, we all want social growth.
We all want to increase our influence in society. We have a lot of friends and we have a lot of influential friends. But for us, growth, we all seek social growth, but more than that is spiritual growth.
Much, much more important. If we seek to grow spiritually, then we will have immense stability. And in the social landscape, sometimes there will be ups, sometimes there will be downs.
But we will be less shaken by the ups and downs. And that’s how we can become someone who is worth being with. When there are ups and downs, normally if you are with someone, you find that they are very shaken by ups and downs.
This is not a reliable person. Whereas if we become reliable, we will see, this person went through such a bad thing, this person went through such a storm. This is the person I am going to be with.
This is the person I am going to become with. So when we prioritise spiritual growth, when we transcend the exclusive self-worth that comes back out and continues us, that unreally intensive self-worth, then paradoxically when we focus on spiritual growth, our social growth will operate. But if we focus on social growth, I have a relationship, more friends, and we don’t focus on spiritual growth, then spiritual growth may come for some time when we are going through a good karma phase.
But once a negative karma phase starts, then we find that we have nothing to do with it. We have no exclusive self-worth, and we are not cultivating exclusive self-worth. That will be a very dark situation.
Fortunately for all of us, we have the option to, Karma ultimately means that we have the sense of agency, we all have the capacity to choose. And to choose right now, to seek our spiritual growth, we chant this mantra, we do that meditation, we choose to cultivate exclusive self-worth, choose to grow spiritually. And then with that condition grows socially, and we find that we can create the greatest possible future for ourselves.
Whatever our karmic identity may hold for us, from our past. So in summary, what I discussed today, I talked about karma and relationships. So I talked about three main points.
First was, what is the economy of the universe? The universe itself. So except what? Except that, there is a co-authentic principle. Actually, that’s what we talked about.
Normally, if I do good, others do good. If I am nice, others will be nice. This co-authentic principle, that is how for a child, understanding that is a significant phase in their growth.
And for humanity also, through science, we grew intellectually by understanding this principle. So normally, we need to accept this principle. And we do accept it to some extent.
But the problem is, when we look at the world, there seems to be order, and there seems to be disorders. So, sometimes when we are nice, other people are nice to us, but sometimes we are nice, other people are not nice to us. So, to make sense of this disorder, we need to persist.
So when there is disorder, what happens is, when faced with disorder, we can go to extremes. That, that, I am a loser. That, something is wrong with me, and because of which, I end up with people who are terrible.
Or, the world stinks. Life itself is terrible. But instead, we can look for the bigger picture.
So to persist for the bigger picture, sometimes, I may be doing good, but I might not be getting good result, because I might be going through a negative karma phase. So if I persist, then the result will come. So we discussed these four quadrants, about present negative karma and past negative karma.
So, it is important that, we, if we are in the first quadrant where both are good, that’s the best way. Now, both of these are bad, where we are doing negative karma, and if they are positive karma, then we can be terrible people ourselves. We can cause terrible harm to ourselves and to others.
And here, we will be, in a bad situation. Now this is where, we need to persist. And if we persist, persist doesn’t mean that we simply keep, persisting in the same relationship and not working.
It means that we, persist in the principle. So, we persist in our endeavours. The persistence we are talking about is, I went, find someone nice.
That’s what we all do, right? But instead, what I want to do is, persisting, I want to become someone nice. I want to become someone good. That is not a choice.
This is, this is our past karma. We can’t control that. But our present karma it means, whether we can become someone nice.
The last part is, how do we persist in a situation, when, we, are going through negative karma. That’s why, he was, not saying nice. So if, we all need a sense of self-worth.
If our self-worth, is coming from extrinsic sources, then, we will oscillate, between, and, insecurity. So when people are praising us, I am a great person. And people neglecting us, I am worthless.
But when we cultivate, intrinsic self-worth, then, we can have, humility. Humility means, yeah, I am not perfect. But, I have, a whole, divinity within me.
The divine spark within me. And therefore, there is a, inviolable self-worth. And when we, understand that, then what happens is, we, through our spiritual practises, we cultivate, a bond, with, the real reality.
This, is the priority of spiritual growth, above, Kushtha. And then, we can, by pursuing growth, in balance, we can navigate, the negative phases of karma, that we may have to go through. And very soon, we will come to a, brighter future.
Thank you very much. Thank you.