Question-Answers- Protecting without isolating: How to raise our children, Gurgaon- Chaitanya Charan

Disclaimer: This transcript was generated using AI and may contain occasional errors or inaccuracies.

Any questions or comments? Thank you so much for such a nice class. I was just trying to connect with the way you were explaining that people have their own nights and then they would like to connect with Krishna in so many ways. And then when we are preaching, we have a set program that people can join Bhakti Riksha, they will attend 64 week class, they will come to this number of malas and then they will get initiated within this number of years.

But generally this pattern does not follow and when this does not happen and the accountability or the commitment does not happen the way we want it to be, the disappointment might come. So how do we balance it out in a way that we give them space and at the same time people also go the way our expectation. See, we often may have a particular system and the system comes with particular expectations, particular trajectory of growth.

And if people are not following that then what can we do? Yes, I think that's a challenge for all of us. Because at one level, without a system, things don't go very efficiently. When Prabhupada was asked in his last days, what is the secret of Pradip Krishna Maharshi? Prabhupada said two words, organization and intelligence.

So my understanding is why those two words? See, organization means we need to have some kind of structure, some kind of pathway. See, we want to reach out in a large or a large scale, we also want to reach out. So without an organization, we can talk one to one to people, when people come to the temple, we can listen and we can talk and we can speak to them.

But one to one talking, we cannot teach them Bhagavad Gita. For them we need to have some talk over, some structure and they have to join the course. So organization is required.

But why intelligence? Because, this is my understanding, I have talked to several Prabhupada's disciples also about this, that intelligence means to understand what kind of organization works for you. The same kind of structure may not work for everyone. So now, how much can we cater to people with different expectations? So see, to some extent as an organization, we have started now working with say other groups of people.

For example, in the Kumbh Mela, we distributed food. So we were distributing, but we collaborated with other organizations, other sponsors, other groups and we were able to do a lot more. Now, was it exactly the way we would have wanted to do? Well, to some extent, to some extent not, whatever it is.

See, when we collaborate with some other group, then there will be some adjustments that have to be done to address the interest of that group also. So my point is that we will need different structures. And so for example, people who do not fit into the standard Bhakti Upasya model, then if they don't fit in, rather than making it 1-0, then you are not here to get out.

It's like we have something like well-wishers or patrons or supporters and for them we have a program once a month and they come for that program. That level of connection they want. And that level of connection they may value also.

So we need to have multiple pathways like that. So some people may come to do some seva. Okay, I will come and serve prasadam on Sundays.

But don't ask me to chant. If you ask me to chant, they will just give it to them and be pushed. So my point is that can we, with our intelligence, have multiple organizational structures or pathways.

So it's not easy to do that because we invest our energy in particular things. That's natural. But if we create that, like there can be one main pathway, this is what we are focusing on.

But while we are focusing on this, we also have other goals. Like say, now this program is in English. But we will have other programs in Hindi.

There are two different structures. So organization is, we have a program. Intelligence is, okay, English does not address everyone's needs, so we need Hindi also.

But Hindi does not address everyone's needs. For some people, we need English. So what happens is, now all of you understand Hindi.

But in English, certain maybe people who are more educated, they come. They have a particular analytical level. They have some leadership potential.

Hindi people don't have it. But my point is that people, a particular mindset is there, a particular like-mindedness is there. We have a program for English people.

So like that, creating multiple pathways, that is important. So in general, if we just have another bucket list, like while we shall. So those who come for the Bhakti Ruksha program, they don't fit into the Bhakti Ruksha pace of growth.

They don't have to be rejected. But they can be in another category where they are well-wishers. And in our youth, without which it's happened that, I have to excuse you, without which that.

We have people who have become very serious devotees. There is a group of Brahmacharis or Indians, but those who did not, we had no place for them. But then, you know, many of them are from good colleges.

They are going to have good careers. And either they can live feeling guilty or feeling inadequate, and we feel irritated that they are not becoming committed, or we provide another food for them. It's like, say, we can think of Krishna Consciousness in two different ways.

One is that this is Krishna Consciousness, and either you are inside or you are outside. Either you are a devotee or you are not a devotee. Now, the problem with this is that, how do we even define what is a devotee? How do we define it? By initiation? There are so many devotees who are very dedicated, but they are not initiated.

There are so many initiated devotees who may not even follow their vow. So, we don't have a real definition of devotee. So, instead of thinking of it in this way, what we think of it is, there are concentric circles of increasing dimensions.

So, in some temples in America, they use the word congregation and community. So, congregation is practicing devotees. Community is supporters.

And there are two definitions, and people can fit in the congregation or they can fit in the community. So, I think like that, we need to have different pathways. How much exactly is possible in each particular setting, that maybe we have to look at.

Did you answer your question, Mohanji? Yeah, I was just trying to relate that, you know, with the given set of resources and the time, the congregation people are preaching, and they also have a very limited set of time with them. At the same time, creating these kind of lectures and doing a follow-up, I don't know how practical that is. No, I think for those people, they don't even want that much follow-up.

It's like, too much follow-up, they'll feel that you are interfering with my life. There are some people, you remember their birthday, and send them some prasad on their birthday, or offer them some good wishes, and have a program once a month, or once in a few months, or invite them for festivals. That's also okay.

So, I think the basic principle is reciprocity. ये था मां प्रसते थे, ता मां तहीं हो जाम नहीं हो. See, if they are more committed, then we are more invested.

If they are less committed, we are less invested. But less invested does not mean that we are worse to them. So, if Prabhupada spent hours guiding life to others, they didn't want that, and Prabhupada was going to do that.

Yes, please. Thank you, Prabhuji. Ramu, do you want to add anything on this point? Of course.

I just wanted to share my realization. We are all approaching people for publication. Like yesterday, I was in an office area, approaching young people.

Many of them ran away after seeing us come. Listening to this, your lecture today, at least I am trying to relate it in a way that I shouldn't be depressed or I shouldn't be dejected. Why are they not, despite being so-called Hindus or younger crowd, why are they not even coming to the book? They are running away from it.

Maybe, I mean, I will get more inspired and because even today, going forward also, we try to reach out to people and a lot of them reject it. They don't even look at it. So, I will get more inspiration from the learnings.

Yes. See, there are some demographics who will just not be interested. But I would say that they may not be interested.

There are people who are unable and there are people who are unwilling. And most people, where they are, there is unknown. Are they unable or are they unwilling? So, those who are unable, we can enable them.

But those who are unwilling, we can't really help them. So, for example, book distribution is where we are going out on the streets and we are enabling access to Krishna consciousness. That's why people may not take it.

And that's okay. You know, it's also, it's interesting that there are people who read books also but sometimes they may find that somebody pushing a book to me on the street, that is like you are just forcing your ideology on me. But those same people may go to a bookstore.

Now, many of our devotee authors are writing books which are in mainstream bookstores. We are also trying to get Prabhupada's book in mainstream bookstores. The challenge is that there is a pricing issue.

They want to do marketing and other things. But the idea is, there are people who are like serious book readers and for them, books being given on the streets, it seems more like ideological pushing. But they will go to a bookstore.

I know many people who, actually not many, at least a few people who went to a bookstore or saw a devotee and there is a book possibly by Penguin or Harper Collins and they read that book and then they have become more open to spirituality. More open to directly Prabhupada's books and Krishna consciousness indirectly. So, I think there are some people who may not come to us.

But that's okay. There are others who will come through a particular portal. Thank you.

So, Prabhupada, by your permission only, because I read one of your articles. You mentioned that how you transcend the pole you mentioned very detailed. And I feel really inspired.

Because when I was reading it, I found it out of humility. I have not mentioned so many of your realizations. I was just thinking.

So, it is very inspiring. The way you wrote one sentence. I again wrote that you heard your mother when you were two and a half year old, you were crawling and your mother talked to some auntie that whatever he lacks physically, God will going to provide him intellectually.

And later on you got also, we are all relishing your intellect and it is God's bliss that you are here with us and you are giving us so much of your association. So, Prabhupada, my question is that again you went through, again an accident happened in Juhu where you slipped and then again you went through a surgery. So many physical things which came up to you.

Many times it happens to us also, Prabhupada, that although we create so much of ideas and everything collapsed, but we feel discouraged. So, Prabhupada, you are saying that while you were going to the hospital you were able to recite Bhagavad Gita shlokas and all. So, my question is, Prabhupada, that what is that purpose which was actually driving you? You never took a different path that I will take a pause, I will not travel.

You wrote in that article that after that accident your travel increased. Now you are only staying in Bombay for 15 days. So, I just wanted to extract some of your realization from that.

That's a very long question. But I get the point of it. You see, for me, what is that question? Everybody has obstacles.

In some ways I would say that my obstacles, my challenges, my limitations are visible. And because they are visible, you see, if I am traveling, there will be huge resistance. If I am carrying luggage, somebody has to carry my luggage.

I get a lot of support. So, everybody has limitations. If somebody is traumatized by something terrible that has happened in their life, and they are unable to cope with that, they are not visible.

And then they don't get that much support. So, in some ways I would say that I am advantaged because a limitation is visible. But over a period of time, everybody has to make one choice.

Whether we are devotees or non-devotees, that this is one of the books I am writing, the title of that book is Life is Fairly Unfair. Fairly unfair means what? That everyone in their life, there are some things which are unfair, and there are some things which are fair. The single unfair means why is this going wrong in my life? Why is this person treating me like this? Why are these devotees treating me like this? So many things.

So, which is the path we will take? The life is I can focus on how things are unfair for me, and then if I focus on that, then I will go then I will go downwards. If I focus on how life is fair to me, I will go upwards. So, actually this one, the advantage of traveling across the world, you meet devotees from so many different backgrounds.

I was in Scotland about a week ago, and I met one couple. They are from Ukraine. And this Prabhu was a doctor in Ukraine.

He was a surgeon in a big hospital. And now in Scotland, he is driving Uber. Because his medical degree from Ukraine is not recognized in Scotland.

And he has to give some exams, a very expensive exam and he doesn't have money. Now, actually, I studied medicine and I would drive Uber. It would be so resentful.

But he was very grateful. He said, many of the other people I know, their lives are completely devastated. Some have lost family members.

I should have put families together. He had a job. My children are going to school.

And he says that, we are a devoted community. So, we could say that 99% of things are wrong. But 1% is right.

He is focusing on that. You know, one thing, sometimes we say this word, and we ask and become Nuki by that. That's not the point.

We should not get too educated about it. See, if we are spiritualists, we should be always optimists, never pessimists. Pessimist means, we should not have too much expectation from the world.

But Krishna is acting in my life and Krishna has a plan. I think that positive attitude is very important. So, for me, my intellectual ability was my strength.

And through that, I have some opportunities to keep serving Krishna. So, what inspired me to travel? Well, fear of unemployment. I don't, I didn't have the ability or the inclination to develop a project.

So, if I stay at one place, I don't have much service over there. That's one reason I travel. But overall, I find that, if we just focus on what abilities we have, then Krishna opens on those words.

And we grow by that. So, I think that, that choice, what is wrong in my life and what is right in my life. I met one devotee in America.

He has come from Iran. And he was introduced to Bhakti online. Now, all the Middle East countries, in Middle East, it's remarkable how nicely devotees are practicing Bhakti.

Just two days ago, I came from Bahrain. I was there for one week. So, amazing Bhakti, what is Bhakti.

There are practically no temples, no full-time devotees, no public book distribution, no Harigana Sankirtan. No welcome to Krishna Maharshi. None of that is there.

And still, there is a vibrant outreach happening over there. Amazing, the way they are. If you go to UAE, Abu Dhabi is one hour from Sharjah.

So, Abu Dhabi, they have a Sunday feast, they have 500 people. Dubai, they have a Sunday feast, they have 900 people. Sharjah, they have a Sunday feast, they have 400 people.

And three Sunday feasts on the same day and completely different people. So, it's amazing. We are not going to be able to go and distribute books over there.

But still, you know, we go to the finals of it. When the Ganga keeps flowing towards the ocean, we find a way to move towards the ocean. So, I think that's, that for me, at intellectual level, and we use the intellectual level in Krishna's service, that's what kept motivating me.

So, somehow I keep focusing on what is right with our life. Then, it's like, if we focus on what is right, then Krishna will show the light for us. And if we focus on what is wrong, then Maya will show all the darkness for us.

So, that's the drama of Pradhan Tej Maharshi. Thank you. Ok, so, Prabhuji, I have a son who is 5 years old and some of the values that I have given him, one of them is like, everything belongs to Krishna.

Then, whenever you see fighting, even by word or action, you should avoid it. And whenever you are going to marriage, that is being played. We try to avoid them.

Do not listen to them, to be away from them. Now, I want to ask, how should I, sometimes I am making him weaker over a period of time, because he will face them. He is right now 5, when he is 7, he will face fighting, he will face bullying, he will face selfish people.

How do I, I am with my family and I am facing this difficulty and how to make them stronger in this difficult world. Let me know when to stop. Yes, do, you take time.

10 minutes. So, so, you know, if we tell our children, for example, that have to use Krishna's properties, don't fight, but then I don't listen to mundane music that comes in my weddings and things like that. But they are going to be exposed to that sooner or later.

Yes, this is like a biggest, like a defining challenge in education. It's not just, it's for us as devotees, but in general, that what should education be about? Should it be about education be about how the world should be or should it be about how the world is? So, for example, should we tell our children that we should not speak lies? That's true, we have to teach our children. But we also need to tell our children that sometimes people speak lies and you can't always trust people.

So, this is like a, there are many challenges in education, but one of the defining moral challenges within education is what should education be telling children? How the world should be or how the world is? Now, how the world should be may be different according to particular cultures, religions, world views, but the challenge is universal. So, the idea is that eventually education needs to include both. But initially it should be on how the world should be.

Because, if we consider education, it's a, if the education is only about how the world should be, then it will be too idealistic and as you said, the child will be unprepared for life. But, if you only focus on how the world is, then the child will become very cynical. Everybody lies.

You can also lie to anyone. You don't want children to grow up thinking they are not fast anymore. They will become very cold.

So, that balance of, so, in general, should be has to be our focus. Should be can be for like the core values. Yeah, other people eat meat, but you don't eat.

That's a core value for us. But, how the world is, is for real dangers. Danger that the child is likely to encounter.

So, this is where sex education for children. Now, how much should be given or not? There's a lot of conflict when from devotees to non-believers, in the Christian world, there's a lot of conflict over that. You know, when I grew up in Christian monasticism about 20-25 years ago, the idea was, you know, animals know how to do sex.

You don't need sex education. But, sex education is not about that. Sex education is about you know, bad touches.

Is somebody going to exploit you? Is somebody doing something bad to you? So, now, now, in some ways, we would like to preserve the innocence of our children. That, you know, there's a particular age when the hormones start becoming active and that time we tell them about all this. They come to the world.

Then we tell them or they come to know from various ways. But, you know, the world is filled with predators and somebody may exploit them and they don't even know what it is. Then it can be a problem.

So, it's not a stressful subject to have to talk about. But, my point is that in general, how the world is, we need to tell them at least with respect to the danger that it's possible that they may encounter. But, we don't have to tell them how the world is about everything.

And, how the world should be, we also need to focus on which values are the most important for us. Because, if we make entire life into do this, do this, do this, do this, do this. And, they will not be prepared for the world where people are doing something different.

So, we have to decide what are the core values for us and what are like, it's like, this is desirable but, it is okay. I mean, I'm not happy if you don't do this. But, it's okay if you don't do this.

But, some things have to be done. So, that way, it's an individual balance but, I think this broad understanding will give some framework. So, first of all, I really want to thank you for such a nice lecture.

And, in fact, the word which you said is apathetic. So, that really was an experience which I had and I can relate it just day before. You know, it was yesterday only.

There was a conversation going on and somebody saying that, you know, I don't believe in anything because you rightly said that their experiences and their realization about God, so that's how they feel about something but, actually, we can communicate with them and we can make them understand. So, that, I relate it. My question is about, Guruji, about the generation gap we talk about, right? You know, we forget about Krishna consciousness but for us also, right now, you know, I'm trying to do some service of preaching and when I discuss with the kids, especially, and they come up with very nice questions and everything but then there is a generation gap, Guruji.

You know, their way of thinking certain things and certain values and our ways of how we have grown up and, you know, our way of looking at things are very different and then coming in midway is obviously a challenge of probably how we tell them. So, for example, yesterday, there was a discussion that, you know, probably, we used to be more emotionally invested into, in our life. Nowadays, the kids are more practical in their approach.

So, probably, they will not even go into any kind of discussions or arguments and they will probably say, you know, I need my piece. Okay, fine. If we are not, you know, our wives are not matching so let's talk some other day and all that.

But, ideally, they are doing it because they are not actually, you know, invested into that particular and they are just avoiding because according to their convenience. So, how should we convey this message and communicate with them that probably this is not the right thing, you know, there should be some balance about it. So, basically, to address the generation gap because we are also facing the same thing and how to, you know, balance it out in the shared consciousness also.

Okay. Let me rephrase the question. Generation gap is always there but one aspect of problematic aspect of generation gap is that there are some issues we were highly emotionally invested in but they are quite apathetic towards that.

But, the issues are important and just being apathetic is not going to help in the long run. So, how do we communicate that? Well, Prabhupada, in the 10.45 Mudrigana or Sammoha that was purported, he used a very nice definition of intelligence. Intelligence means to see things in their proper perspective.

See things in their proper perspective. Proper perspective means, let's say, suppose somebody takes a selfie and the person who takes the selfie, often they come very large in the photo and everybody else comes small. And if you know my face has become too big, I am looking too big over here.

So, let's take a normal photo. So, proper perspective means, that which is big is big, that which is small is small. So, like that, one understanding of intelligence is that, we have to be able to understand what are the big things in my life and what are the small things in my life.

So, sometimes we can become very mayavadi in our Krishna consciousness. What do you mean mayavadi? Like, everything is one, everything is equally important. No, everything is not equally important.

I was just talking earlier about before this, that, before that, you say, now, not eating meat and not eating chocolates, it is not the same. Now, both we may say as serious devotees we don't do it. But, if somebody eats chocolates, that's not a healthy thing, that's not breaking the record of a spiritual, that's not a sinful act.

So, what happens is, if all rules as in practical. So, the thing is that, we also, first of all, ask the need to understand, like, what is more important and what is less important. So, like, coming to a temple is important.

Now, coming to a temple in a spiritual dress, that is good. But, if, every time somebody comes to a temple and they are not in a devotional dress and they criticize for that, then stop coming to the temple. Isn't it? So, now we could say coming to a temple in a spiritual dress is the best.

But, coming to the temple is more important than what dress you are coming to. So, the idea is that, if we are clear about the hierarchy of things, what is more important and what is less important, then what happens is, we will be able to push particular things. And, you see, in many ways, parenting means setting boundaries.

That is required. That, you know, this is not acceptable, this is acceptable. So, there is this gentle parenting where the parent should be the friend of the child.

Well, yeah, when they become older, you can be their friend. But, when they are small, you have to be a parent. You know, that parent means you tell them, do this, don't do this.

In my child, if we have, at our home, we have children, you know, the food is in the plate of the child is over, the child just takes food from the other sibling's plate. It's our family only, what's the big deal? But, no, the child has to learn boundaries. The child doesn't learn boundaries fast forward 25 years and the person is in a corporate meeting and the food is in the plate, it's over.

So, the thing is, parenting is not always a pleasant business. Because setting boundaries is not a pleasant thing to do. But, it has to be done.

But, the point is that when we set boundaries, so see, one is that the boundary is so tight that the person feels completely suffocated. And, the other extreme is that the boundary is so big that the person feels lost. I was in America, I went 24, 25, 26, I was in my American devotees' home and they had a daughter who was just graduating from school to go to college.

So, I asked, what is she planning to do? And, the husband said, you never really asked her that, isn't it? probably years before the discussion starts. But, you know, it's her life now. I thought you didn't care only about my education, that's why you never asked me about it.

So, we cannot set the boundaries so large that they just feel completely lost. It's your life, whatever you want, you can do. So, the boundary has to be set, somewhere, like, some boundary, that's why, what is important, what is, you could say, what is essential, what is non-negotiable.

Some amount of boundary has to be there. And, each child may be different. Some children may be more creative, and they may need a little more boundaries.

Somebody is a very good artist, and they get into drawing something, and you know, I'm the spirit of drawing, now is your time to study. I want to draw, I want to complete this. The spirit may need that time to do that.

Some children need more structure, complete this time, complete this time, this time, this time. So, in general, that structure and spontaneity, the balance between them, that is their individual balance. And, balance can help them to find, but it cannot be fully spontaneous, it cannot be totally structured.

But that balance we have to find. Does that answer your question? Yes. Prabhuji, in a situation where the mind is not open to intellectual understanding of the verses of Bhagavad Gita, how do we transform the verses for experiential learning, so that one can feel the presence of Krishna? Okay.

So, for those who, the mind is not open for intellectual understanding of Gita's verses, how can you offer them experiential learning? I think it depends on the verses also. Not all, some verses are actually very conceptually philosophical. It is very difficult to make them experiential.

Because there are two different modes of learning. Traditionally, experiential learning came through Brahmas, through, and experiential learning was more based on the Leelas, how loving Krishna is. So, beyond that, I think it is also possible that we, as our world is expanding and diversifying, like we make great movies, we make great animations, we make great skits, so many different things can be created which can illustrate the Gita's wisdom.

You know, one of the top spiritual apps that is being downloaded in the west is called Halo. Halo is basically a Christian prayer app. And what they have done, in many ways, my Gita was partly inspired by that.

They have taken the Bible and for each Bible verse, then you, okay, what is the, how can you put it into a prayerful mood. So there is some guided contemplation given and then there is some music in the background and then you are asked some questions and you think about the situation in your life. So it's actually a very nicely done app.

So we are hoping to do something like that for the Gita also in the future. But the idea is that sometimes the meaning of the words has to be translated. So for example, Krishna is guiding the wanderings of our lives.

Directing our wanderings. So was there a time when you felt lost in life and suddenly you found that actually there was, although you were lost, there was some direction, something worked out. And so you were lost but still you were not lost.

We are lost but we are not lost to Krishna. So a situation where we were completely lost but then we found some guidance. Or some guidance came to us, which helped us see that there is a divine hand in my life.

So there are some verses which are relatively easier to to have the experiential aspect of. But it requires a good amount of thought and preparation for that. I think we as a movement right now are relatively quite young.

We are just 50-60 years old now. And we have focused more on direct outreach. But creating all these other varieties of creative resources, it's the only people who are talented, inclined, they are taking up it slowly.

Thank you very much.