If we feel attracted to a particular person but don’t want to pursue that relationship, what can we do?

Podcast:

Disclaimer: This transcript was generated using AI and may contain occasional errors or inaccuracies.

Summary

Experiencing natural human attraction while trying to live a dedicated spiritual life can feel challenging, but it does not mean you have failed. Here is how to handle these feelings constructively while protecting your practice.

• Avoid Demonization: Do not villainize the other person or harshly berate yourself; view attraction as a natural human occurrence rather than a permanent spiritual failure.

• Assess the Situation: Understand whether the attraction is one-sided (from your side or theirs) or mutual, as each dynamic requires a different level of boundaries and guidance.

• Establish Healthy Boundaries: Implement practical limits involving time, physical distance, and virtual or social media boundaries to let temporary urges run their course.

• Treat Urges Like a Timed Match: Recognize that intense feelings often fade over time if you simply hold steady rather than immediately reacting to them.

• Consider Physical Relocation: If regular interactions at a specific center, workplace, or service make avoidance impossible, moving to another environment may be necessary.

• Seek Senior Guidance: Consult trusted mentors or spiritual guides—especially if the attraction is mutual or if specific boundary-setting requires personalized support.

Key Takeaways

• The ultimate protection against mental agitation is deepening your absorption in Krishna through devotional practices and service.

• Allow temporary urges to run out of steam instead of making drastic decisions driven by sudden emotional peaks.

Full Transcription

That helps us grow Hare Krishna if we feel if we are trying to live a brahmachari life and we feel sometimes attracted to some good looking devotee, what can we do to deal with that temptation answer the first thing is that don’t demonize the person sometimes in thinking that this beauty is illusory, you may start casting a particular person negatively as a woman I would say there are broadly three situations, first is that we are attracted to the other person, the other person is neutral, second is that the other person is attracted to us, but we are neutral, and third is that there is attraction from both sides to some extent so third situation is probably the most difficult because then in that situation there are no mutual obstacles, there might be social or circumstantial obstacles, but no mutual obstacles, and of course we could say obstacles or we can say boundaries or protectors, fences so in general if a devotee wants to get married, there is nothing wrong in that and sometimes there is a lot of glamorization of the brahmacharya ashram just as there is in the material world glamorization of sexual pleasure, so there could be glamorization of its opposite in the devotee community sometimes we don’t want that it is good if we can dedicate our life to Krishna’s service full time but there are many ways in which we can dedicate one’s life to Krishna so you don’t see first of all that as a failure it is just another way to serve and maybe that is not the way we want to but if we start either demonizing the other person or demonizing ourselves castigating ourselves, berating ourselves for being unsuccessful for being a failure then that will be an unhealthy attitude in which we will let me if we eventually have to enter we don’t want an unhealthy attitude towards it it is just like sometimes somebody wants to become a doctor they want to get into particular specialization, they don’t get in but then that doesn’t mean that they can’t be doctors they can get into some other specialization and so both Brahmacharikas are dedicated can be dedicated devotees now having said that if it is mutual then it is best to seek some senior guidance and how to take it forward so only from the other person’s side not from our side then actually senior guidance is especially important so that some boundaries are created and we ourselves need to establish some boundaries now if it is only from our side then it is vital for us to have boundaries that we have to create basically the key principle is we have both Brahmacharya ashram and Vyasat ashram involve boundaries just there are different degrees in the boundaries so and even in Brahmacharya ashram also there are different Brahmacharis who have different degrees of boundaries within the broad boundary of Brahmacharya ashram and same in Vyasat ashram also so essentially each one of us has to find out the boundaries within which we can function safely and sustainably so safety is in terms of the closer we go towards the more we go towards sensuality it is dangerous but if we go very far away from it that may also be too much of a deprivation for us just like in fasting if we eat too much that is unhealthy, too little is also unhealthy so having said that if we feel attracted towards someone and we don’t know that other person’s interest or lack of interest and we don’t want to pursue that then the best way to move forward is to create boundaries so one of the boundaries is simply time that ok that if this particular attraction stays for say 3 months or 6 months or 1 year it may be too long but whatever we create some timeline then I will act on it I am not saying no, I am not saying yes I will say wait and most of the times we will find that our attractions are like they seem very strong but it is like a timed arm wrestling match it’s there for some time and it goes off after that even if we lose one round that does not mean we are permanently down we can start off the next round again and when the other person is pushing us down it’s not that they are going to push us down constantly for the rest of our life it’s that person has to win within 10 minutes or within 30 seconds or 1 minute or 3 minutes or 5 minutes whatever so if we can just hold on for that much time then things will be ok for us that’s the key point over here it’s like a timed wrestling match so one boundary could be just deciding a time frame, another boundary could be keeping physical distance or nowadays social media distance virtual distance also and so this combination of time and distance can be very helpful in letting circumstantial urges run their due course and run out steam stay for a longer time and they are more specific and then we may have to explore sometimes even if a person just doesn’t want to pursue it then even relocation to another place if there are regular interactions in a particular place such as a particular service or a particular center or a particular workplace that may also be required but overall the specifics can be decided in connection with those who are guiding us and overall we focus not so much on disconnecting with that person as connecting deeper with Krishna because ultimately the highest protection is not the absence of agitation but the presence of absorption and that is what we see here and sometimes the presence of agitation can actually become the strongest and most especially urgent impetus for absorption so if we cultivate absorption in Krishna as much as possible through service through devotional bhakti practices and through various services in the mood of devotion bhakti then if we have that absorption Krishna will give us guidance from within and through his representatives without about what choices can help us come closer to him thank you