Can attraction to a devotee become a distraction on the spiritual path?

Podcast:

Question:
If we feel attracted to a devotee who has inspired us and whose association has benefited us in the early days of our Krishna consciousness, and when the devotee is not around, we think of them, long for their association, sometimes in a way that feels similar to how a husband may long for his wife—normally, we should be longing for Guru and Krishna like that. But if you are longing for a devotee like that just to know what they are doing, and if there is no sensuality in it, can that still be a distraction?

Answer:
Generally speaking, attachment to a devotee is a good thing. It does not have to be only our spiritual master; it can be any devotee. If, in that association, we are eager to discuss Krishna, eager to know about what they are doing—not just about their daily material activities but about their relationship with Krishna—then that is auspicious.

There can be different kinds of attraction: spiritual, physical, and emotional. We have three dimensions to our existence. Spiritual attraction is Krishna-centered, clearly uplifting, and most auspicious. However, the spiritual domain is often not easily accessible to us. Usually, some other level of attraction leads us toward spiritual attraction.

For example, we may be attracted to a devotee’s singing or classes. It may be their voice, intellectual ability, or personality that draws us. It is very difficult to know directly how much of that attraction is truly spiritual. The best way to infer is by observing what happens when we associate with them. Do we feel more inspired to serve Krishna? If we are inspired to simply be with them, that may not be bad. But if the inspiration is not centered on Krishna, then it can become problematic.

How to Deal with Different Types of Attraction

• Physical Attraction: Not every physical attraction is sexual. For example, someone may dance gracefully (such as in Bharatanatyam), and even if we find them attractive, that attraction can be subtle and uplifting without a sexual element. We may simply appreciate their demeanor or the way they carry themselves.

Sexual attraction is a subset of physical attraction but not its entirety. For instance, heterosexual men may find other men physically impressive without triggering sexual or spiritual desire.

• Emotional Attraction: Sometimes we like the way a devotee talks or how they make us feel valued and cared for. We may feel disturbed or neglected when they are not around. If this emotional dependence arises, we need to ensure it does not distract us from Krishna.

If the attraction—physical or emotional—dominates our mind and distracts us from Krishna, especially during spiritual practice (sadhana), it becomes a concern. Regulation and redirection are key to managing this:

• Regulate by avoiding unnecessary interaction or stimuli.
• Redirect by increasing the spiritual component in the interaction.
• Seek emotional nourishment from other devotee relationships as well.
• Gradually shift focus toward Krishna and spiritual practices.

Visualizing the Relationship

Think of Krishna at the center, with devotees around us forming pathways through which Krishna’s attraction flows to us and through which our service reaches Krishna. Rather than focusing solely on what devotees do for us, consider what we can do for them.

Devotees are individuals and channels of Krishna’s energy. Sometimes keeping a healthy distance helps maintain balance.

If we maintain a strong direct connection with Krishna through sadhana and study (swadhyaya), and have multiple devotees around us, no single devotee will become inordinately important or distracting.

Summary:

1. Assess whether the overall effect is distracting from Krishna.
2. Avoid trying to fit complex feelings into strict labels like “lust” or “homosexuality.”
3. Focus on practical solutions: regulate and redirect your attachments.
4. Seek spiritual nourishment from Krishna and multiple devotee relationships.
5. Spiritualize your interactions with devotees and minimize attachments that distract.

Thank you.