How can we be confident without becoming arrogant?

This is an AI-generated transcript and it might not be fully accurate:That’s a good question. See, that is, we often talk about our relationship with others. And that’s important.

But there’s a relationship with ourself also. With our relationship with ourselves, that is also important. Some people may have a very self-critical relationship.

Self-critical is, you’re constantly criticizing yourself. I’m not good enough, I’m not good enough, I made a mess of this, I made a mess of that. And that’s not very healthy.

On the other hand, some people may have a very self-congratulatory relationship. I’m such a great person. I did this, I did that.

I saw a T-shirt where a kid in America says, you are perfect as you are. Well, we all have value as we are. There is deep intrinsic value to each one of us.

But who among us can say we are perfect? If we say we are perfect, that means we have already achieved a plateau and there’s nothing more to achieve then. So, being self-congratulatory is not very healthy. Like I saw another T-shirt, I was an atheist till I discovered I was God.

So, when I was on my spiritual journey, the first thing that you hear about is the idea that we are all God. And then I read the Bhagavad Gita and one of my thoughts was, thank God, I’m not God. It’s difficult for me to manage my own life.

If I was supposed to manage the whole world, the whole world would be a far bigger mess than what I am. So, basically, in between these two, being self-critical and self-congratulatory is being self-aware. Self-aware means I understand who I am and what my needs are.

Now, the world may not understand it because each individual is different. And are we selfish? Well, it depends on whether we are taking care of our needs while neglecting or rejecting the needs of others or getting care of our particular needs in a way that others’ needs are also taken care of. So, selfish would be where my needs are at the expense of your needs.

But if somebody needs their own individual time and that nourishes them, that strengthens them and then once that time is there, they can be a better parent, they can be a better partner, they can be a better professional, whatever it is, then that in the long run is good. Now, some people may themselves be nourished by just playing that particular role. Somebody is a mother and they play the role of the mother and that’s what nourishes them.

This is my child, my child needs me, I’m here for my child and they’ve been nourished by that. Each individual is different, but some may, okay, I have some interests, I have some needs, I need to fulfill those needs. So, I think we cannot satisfy everyone.

But if a person goes 100 places and at each place that they go, a fight breaks out, then maybe they are the cause of the fight, isn’t it? But if every single person around us is telling us, you’re being selfish, then maybe it’s necessary to consider that that could be a possibility. But if there are some people who understand us and whom we have explained that, okay, this is how I am functioning in my life, this is what I’m thinking, this is what I’m doing. And we also have given them that permission that if you feel that I’m going too far, if I’m neglecting something, you let me know.

So, we can’t say that I will not care for anyone’s opinion. At the same time, we can’t care for everyone’s opinion. So, there are people who are close to us, people who we trust, who are our well-wishers, their opinions we need to take seriously.

And it is based on that criteria, their inputs, we can decide whether we are going too far away from our responsibilities. Otherwise, self-care is not selfishness. Thank you.