How can we desire to see Krishna when we don’t even know what we actually desire and we don’t feel qualified to see Krishna?

If we are to desire Krishna and give up all other desires, what can we do when we are not even aware of what we actually desire? How can we cultivate the desire for Krishna? And how do we deal with the feeling that we have done so many things because of which we don’t even desire Krishna? We don’t even deserve Krishna. Isn’t it presumptuous to expect Krishna to appear before us? To answer these are thoughtful and earnest questions. Desires are themselves complex and multi-layered.

And the approach to desire management can be put in three categories. There are some desires which we work on, there are some desires we work with and there are some desires we work for. So work on means that we create boundaries, we try to purify ourselves so that we can rid ourselves of those desires.

These could be self-destructive, addictive desires for anti-devotional indulgences. There are some desires we work with. That means we have a need for our basic subsistence and a certain level of social acceptance and respect that we need.

These are desires that are not anti-devotional even if they are not directly devotional. They could be eventually used for a devotional purpose. So we work with those desires.

And there are some desires that we work for. That means those desires drive our life. So these are our devotional desires and our desires for serving Krishna according to our particular nature.

In as direct a way as is possible for us. So yes, we are not always aware of our desires. But to whatever extent we are aware of our desires, to that extent we can either choose to work on them, work with them or work for them.

And gradually as we come to Satva Guna, the mode of goodness, and as we do some practices that consciously bring us to the mode of goodness such as journaling, we can become more aware of our desires. And then we can decide which approach to take toward which desires. And how do we cultivate particular desires? Generally, desires grow by action and association.

When we do some action in pursuit of some desire, that action itself creates impressions inside us. Even if we don’t succeed in fulfilling that desire, just that very action creates some impressions. If we succeed in fulfilling that desire to even a partial degree, that creates further impressions inside us.

So, it’s like how does a person become addicted to something? It is by indulging in that pleasure repeatedly. That what was a casual indulgence, a casual pleasure, becomes an irresistible craving and addictive desire with time. And the second happens by association.

The kind of people we associate with and the kind of thoughts that our mind associates with, the kind of images that we associate with mentally by letting them replay and be highlighted in our inner world, that also stimulates and strengthens certain desires. That’s why the principle of actually doing some devotional service in relationship with the desire that we have and associating with devotees externally and with the devotional places and especially remembering Krishna and Krishna-related external and internal, will strengthen our desires. So we can make some solutions to strengthen the desire to connect with Krishna in a particular manifestation, which may be His holy name, or His deity in a particular form, or even a particular place, or a particular book, or a particular devotee and the way they conduct themselves and they present the wisdom of bhakti, and reveal Krishna to us.

And thirdly, regarding me not feeling that we deserve to see Krishna, that is definitely a good feeling to have. It shows humility. At the same time, bhakti has two distinct emotions.

There is humility and there is intensity. Shrila Prabhupada explains that a devotee always desires to see Krishna, but a devotee does not demand to see Krishna. So Arjuna also expresses this sentiment when he asks for the darshan of the universal form of Krishna in the 11th chapter.

He says, If it is possible for me to see it, please show this to me. So, certainly if we don’t desire Krishna at all, then where is our devotion? And certainly if we demand to see Krishna, again, where is our devotion? So having a strong desire to see Krishna, while also having a strong readiness to submit and subordinate our desire to Krishna’s desire and plans, is the essential dynamic of bhakti. Eventually when we get the darshan of Krishna, that will not be because we deserve it, but because simply Krishna is pleased with our desiring and our endeavouring as a way of expressing that desire.

The revelation of Krishna will ultimately be mercy, which is causeless, not in the sense that it has no cause, but in the sense that whatever cause might be considered to have been there is too less to actually make us qualified to receive His darshan. Nonetheless, it is by our endeavouring externally and by our desiring internally that we show Krishna, that we want Him, and that’s how eventually we get to see Him, by His mercy.