If others become envious about us, what can we do?

Podcast:

If we become the target of envy from others, how do we deal with it? People often have their own ideas about what is right and fair, and they may project these onto our actions, leading them to feel negative toward us. How can we handle such situations when they don’t understand why we do what we do and treat us unfairly? The answer is: yes, it’s tough.

On one level, our tradition teaches us to be humble. Of course, all spiritual traditions emphasize humility, but ours places a special importance on it. At the same time, we are also expected to use our God-given talents in Krishna’s service. There is an emphasis on taking initiative and doing significant things for Krishna. Sometimes, doing substantial service means we may have to step on someone’s toes—or at least our actions may be perceived that way, or even worse, by others.

So each of us has to decide how much we are willing to pay that price. How much criticism, envy, or misunderstanding can we afford to endure?

What can we do? There are no easy answers. Generally, showing visible expressions of humility—sometimes or even regularly—can be helpful.

For example, if someone in leadership serves prasadam or performs some menial service occasionally, skeptics may say it’s just for PR. Let them say that. But showing these visible signs of humility is very helpful.

Beyond that, it is good to create a culture where those who feel envious or negative may not talk to us directly, but can open up to a trusted intermediary, like an ombudsman—someone who is well respected in the community but does not hold a managerial position. This person can hear their concerns and also convey our side of the story, which may help build trust and reduce negativity.

Ultimately, we don’t want to attract envy or negativity, but we cannot change or deny the reality of people’s experiences. We can question the conclusions they draw or the projections they make based on those experiences, but the experiences themselves often shape who they are. If someone is scarred in particular ways and therefore sees us negatively, that’s sadly their reality.

We are all scarred in particular ways, and we have to make the best of life in this world. Sometimes there are no perfect or even good solutions—only the least intolerable trade-offs.

Our world and our movement are both large. Sometimes, when two people have a lot of negativity between them, no matter what happens, they just can’t get along. In such cases, it may be better to create some physical or emotional distance between them. Both can have their separate areas of service, and even if they must interact, minimizing contact helps.

These are practical solutions. We live in an imperfect world, and we are imperfect beings. Expecting to be accepted, valued, and appreciated by everyone is utopian—we can’t have utopia in this world.

That said, this doesn’t give us license to behave in ways that make the community dystopian by dismissing others as envious, pessimists, faultfinders, or grumpy people. No. If some individuals are not sources of encouragement and we realize we have become a source of envy for them, then it’s better to keep a respectful distance and practice bhakti.

Putting in a little effort to maintain distance is not a bad idea. Who knows? Over time, by our prayerful attitude and spiritual evolution, things may change and that negativity may lessen.

For now, the best approach may be to do our service as resourcefully as possible, show visible humility, work through trusted intermediaries like ombudsmen, and maintain some healthy distance when necessary.