If our guides speak unpalatably to us and we can’t express ourselves to them what can we do?

Question: If some of our seniors communicate with us in an unpalatable way, and although we harbor no grudges, negativity still develops in our hearts, and the relationship is such that we cannot communicate our feelings to them, what should we do?

Answer: This is indeed a difficult situation, and there are no easy answers. However, here are some pointers:

Firstly, it’s essential to cultivate multiple sources of affirmation and confirmation. Affirmation means recognizing that our existence and contributions are worthwhile. Confirmation, on the other hand, means discerning whether our specific choices or decisions are sound, acknowledging that we are all human and fallible. We might make mistakes, and sometimes, deeply rooted conditioning can be difficult to overcome quickly. Being “wrong-headed” implies refusing to even consider the possibility of error and using our intelligence to rationalize our position.

If a senior offers a reasonable point but communicates it in a very harsh way, and we find ourselves agitated—resenting or refuting rather than focusing on self-improvement—then maintaining a strategic distance might be necessary. While direct communication is always the preferable option when possible, in some cases, it can backfire. If past experiences confirm this, then a degree of distance is warranted.

What does “keeping a distance” mean? If these individuals are our spiritual guides or authorities, and we work with them regularly, complete physical distance might not be feasible. In such cases, we can lower our expectations for appreciation from them. It’s natural to desire recognition; for instance, Daksha’s daughter, Sati, naturally expected some acknowledgment of her presence from her father. Similarly, our hearts are often very tender towards those who have guided and nurtured us, so even the smallest disapproval can hurt deeply.

However, a crucial part of spiritual growth is recognizing that our spiritual well-being and sense of worth are not dependent on one person alone. Just as a baby initially believes its entire world revolves around its mother, and later its parents, as children grow, they expand their circle to include friends, colleagues, life partners, and extended relatives. Their parents remain important, but they are no longer the sole source of affection, affirmation, or other needs.

Similarly, as we mature in our spiritual lives, we can diversify our connections with Krishna. By connecting with Krishna’s wisdom and message through various devotees—whether by hearing from them, serving them, or other forms of association—one person’s conduct will not affect us as profoundly. This diversified connection helps us to move forward in our lives, continuously improving our own spiritual situation.