If our mind feels suffocated due to difficulties on multiple fronts, is it ok to compromise on some spiritual standards?

How does one know if one is being tricked by one’s mind into doing something wrong or into giving up the right thing just because it is difficult? What if we are practicing spirituality but are facing difficulties and dissatisfaction from all fronts. And due to the pressure, feel the need to lower one’s standards of spiritual practice. Is it needed to give some space to the mind at times? Answer.

The key principle is that our mind is our mind, and it is we who have to work with our mind. No one else can do that for us. If we consider our mind to be like our child, then it is we who have to parent our child like mine. Well, parents can certainly learn from each other. What one per parent has used for one’s child, for their child, is not something which can be simply replicated for another child by another parent.

So, essentially, it’s important to recognize that while the principles of parenting may be universal wherein the goal is to discipline the child, but not to crush the spirit of the child through discipline, but rather to enable that spirit to flourish by providing it constructive expression and by preventing its destructive expression. The specifics of how that is to be done will vary from person to person. So the mind as an enemy metaphor is limited because the mind is not an enemy that we can destroy because the mind is a functional tool necessary for us to perceive and act in the world. And the mind is something which we will have to be with for the rest of our lives and indeed for for maybe many lifetimes till we are liberated from material existence. So Another way to understand the mind is to consider it to be like the body.

The body needs to be taken care of, and each body is different. Some bodies may be far more sensitive to to cold than other bodies. And people with such a body will need to be far more cautious when they go out in cold weather. Are they pandering to the body? Are they compromising on standards when they delay or cancel going out because it is too cold or insist on having sufficiently warm clothes before they go out.

No. They’re simply doing what is required for them to function sustainably with their body. No doubt the body can become an excuse for such a person to get out of things that they don’t like to do. And thus, they may refuse to face cold even when that it is bearable for them. But those who use their body to trick others will end up getting tricked by the body.

Those who use their body as an excuse to cheat others and not do their responsibilities to others, will end up being cheated by the body of the opportunities that could help them grow and reach their full potential. And now we compare the mind to the body. Then both are distinct levels of identity for us, and both are different from us. Because the mind is subtler and is inside us, it is far easier to identify with it and to get lost in that identification. And thus, as a radical reminder to prevent such identification with the mind quite often.

We are exhorted to treat the mind like an enemy. Treating it like an enemy is different from considering it simply to be like any other enemy. Which needs to be eliminated. So in the Bhagavatam, it is said that when a chariot when a horseman or a charioteer is guiding a horse, they keep keep a tight leash on the horse. But there are times when they give a slight release on the leash so that the horse doesn’t get suffocated.

The horse needs to be disciplined so that it does the master’s wedding. But we don’t want the horse to be dead in body or for that matter even in in spirit. So with this background, now each person needs to take responsibility to decide what boundaries they are going to live within and what bonds they are going to prioritize. So the two point directive in 6.35 for managing the mind through and can be phrased as bonds and boundaries. We want to bond with our higher interests and, ultimately, our highest interest, which is Krishna.

And we want to set boundaries for our lower drives. Bonds and boundaries are principles for parenting and that, for that matter, for any form of discipline. Some people flourish with very narrow boundaries and some with slightly broader boundaries. So, ultimately, it’s an individual responsibility to move ahead in life and to manage one’s mind according to what works for oneself. Sometimes, what is meant to be a bond can feel like a boundary, wherein the thing that is meant to connect us with our higher purpose and the highest reality of life, Krishna, can itself seem to be such a demanding discipline that our mind wants to resist it and reject it if possible.

That is what happens with chanting, for example. The same could apply with rules of sensual discipline, wherein What is meant to be a boundary can be equated with our bond. That means we consider our capacity to restrain our senses as the definer of the seriousness of our devotion. But Our devotion is defined primarily by our attraction toward Krishna and our dedication to Krishna, not by our capacity to risk to give up other things. Yes.

Renunciation of certain things is definitely one symptom of the seriousness of our devotion. But the specific capacity to renounce a particular thing may well be determined by factors beyond our control such as one’s past karma. For example, fasting on sacred days can be a sign of devotion. The inability to fast due to one’s body’s physiological condition does not mean that one’s devotion is not earnest. So the reason for discussing this interchangeability of pursued interchangeability of bonds and boundaries is to highlight that We need to be clear about what role is being performed by what and what standards are we thinking of compromising.

Generally, both these words, standards and compromise, are likely to raise a lot of red flags and even alarmism in many serious spiritual practitioners. So instead of compromise, adjustment or accommodation or harmonization with our particular nature or situation in better words. Instead of standards, we could just use the word bonds and boundaries. So bonds are meant to provide us nutrition, and boundaries are meant to provide us protection. Instead of nutrition, if a bond is causing us exhaustion, and instead of protection, a boundary is causing is causing us suffocation, then we need to figure out why that is happening.

So the broad principle is that we need to be nourished, and we need to be protected just like a child needs to be fed, and child needs to be fenced. Feeding and fencing is an also an alternative way of describing. If the food is not nourishing the child, then the food needs to be changed. The fence is leading to the child feeling suffocated, then that needs to be evaluated. So we could make an inventory, a list of what are the bonds that we are trying to develop and what are the boundaries that we are trying to establish, And then evaluate which of the bonds give us strength and which of the boundaries are not giving us strength.

Sorry. Which are the bond bonds are not giving the strength. And which bonds, if any, are requiring strength to maintain. Similarly, we could list which all boundaries we are trying to, establish and which boundaries are giving us protection in a way that we feel protected and which are the boundaries due to which we feel restricted. And which are the boundaries, if any, that are in between where we accept them out of deference to convention, but do not necessarily feel that they serve any constructive purpose for us.

By this understanding, by such exploration, we can then progress toward a more mature decision. So maybe writing down this the results of this exploration and then sitting over that for some time. Maybe even praying about it for some time. Maybe if we take a printout physically of that exploration and put it in front of the Lord and Alta and leave it there for his consideration. And thereafter, we recommence our examination or reexamination of what we have written, then we may be more devotionally directed and in our introspection.

So when we have entrusted our deliberation to our lord, we can pray for guidance and maybe do some activity that strengthens us. Maybe try to maximize the bond that gives us strength so that we are actually in a overall healthy consciousness when we are taking a major decision about our life by deliberating and then praying and then deliberating again. We will have established a clear rationale for what we want to do so that we won’t be second guessing ourselves in future constantly. Even if we decide to stick to a standard or decide to just adjust that standard, whether it be in terms of a bond or a boundary, then we will have some clearly articulated reasons for it. And, also, we will be open to revisiting our decision if radically different information or experience comes our way.

Before deciding to let go of a bond or let go of a boundary, it may be helpful to maybe take time to strengthen a bond that has nourished us and to consciously put in that effort for some well defined time, say a week, a fortnight, a month, especially if we can do that intensification of that bond in a way that is sustainable for us for an or a period of time by also being nourishing for us, then we can see whether from that strengthened position, our vision of that difficult bond or boundary has changed. In a war, sometimes a strategic withdrawal from one front may be required, but that shouldn’t be the first course of action. And other course of action such as reinforcing that front need to be explored. But sometimes accepting a defeat on one front may well be necessary for surviving in the bigger war and maybe scoring a bigger victory in the long run. So the test to know whether what we are doing is an excuse or a reason is ultimately a two fold.

There will sustainability and interchangeability. Sustainability means that occasional feelings of dissatisfaction will come to everyone, but a prolonged feeling of exhaustion or suffocation needs to be addressed. Bhakti needs to be practiced sustainably because it’s a relationship with Krishna. And while the intensity is important, sustainability is even more important. Additionally, if that kind of adjustment of bond or boundary would have been necessary in some other field for us, especially a field that is dear for us, would we have done that?

Answering that question can be very helpful in determining the right thing. Whether we are doing this just as an excuse to get away or whether there is a genuine need for us given the kind of mind we have. So to summarize, broadly, six points. First is our mind, it needs to be treated like a child, not like an enemy. And each parent has to find their way of dealing with their mind.

Second, If you consider the mind to be like a tool as is a horse for a person on a ranch, then the horse needs to be disciplined but not dead end. So we need to keep our higher purposes in mind and then consider how best our mind can help us pursue those higher purposes. Third is that the two principles of bonds and boundaries are universal for growth in any area of life, and mind management through Abhijas and Vairagya is not unique to the spiritual path. Just as feeding and fencing are necessary for any child. Though though the specifics may vary.

Sometimes a bond may feel draining and seem like a boundary, and a boundary may be mistaken for a bond. But we need to, take stock of our key bonds and key boundaries and evaluate them after writing down which of the bonds give us strength and which don’t and which takes strength and which of the boundaries give us protection and which don’t and which cause suffocation. We can put that and deliberation deliberation to Krishna and strengthen ourselves through a healthy bond during that time and then redeliberate thereafter arrive at a decision based on well defined criteria that can both allow us to be firm when necessary and flexible when necessary. And lastly, by considering that Bakti is a relationship where sustainability is more important than intensity and that the difference between an excuse and an explanation comes from criteria of excuse and and a reason comes from twin criteria of interchangeability and sustainability. We can arrive at the decision that works the best for us.