If we feel hesitant about doing a service, is that due to lack of confidence or lack of ability?

This is an AI-generated transcript and it might not be fully accurate:

So, if we have to do some service but we don’t feel the confidence, now how do we develop that confidence? We could very well say that I just don’t have the talent for this particular service. Yes, two things mainly that often when we seek to do a service, we have a particular conception of success in that service and we often evaluate that oh maybe I am not good for this service, maybe I am not good enough for this service based on whether we have got that particular success or not or whether we are likely to get that particular success or not. But sometimes it is like success may be different from our definition of success.

So growth in life can be in one level attaining success or you can say reaching success but growth may also require redefining success that what is success, growth can be both ways. So what do I mean by redefining success that generally whenever we do any service, there are two aspects to the service, there is the external aspect, there is the internal aspect. The external is say if we are trying to share Bhakti, we are giving some talks, the external aspect is how many people come for the talks, how many people become inspired, how many people become transformed, that is the external aspect.

The internal aspect is that we ourselves are absorbing Krishna, that our attraction to Krishna increases, that like I said every day did I come to know Krishna a little better, I come to love Krishna a little more. So through every talk that we give, every interaction we have with others, it is not just others come to know Krishna a little better, do we ourselves come to know Krishna a little better. Now if we look at Srila Prabhupada, when he went to America, he had been trying from 1922 onwards till 1965 and he had a very little external success to show.

But still he was not bitter. The people who had tried very hard and not succeeded, then they become very bitter. But he was not at all bitter.

Those who met him in America, when he was just an unknown Swami walking on the streets of New York, they saw him, he was just so cheerful, so happy, speaking about Krishna, singing about Krishna, composing for Krishna, writing about Krishna, he was just happy with it. So we could say that there is, through our service, there is the outer impact or the outer contribution. Now we hold that no doubt.

But through our service, there is also the inner connection that is to be developed. Through our service, Krishna becomes the bigger reality for us. Based on this, we consider four quadrants.

We could say that if there is only outer contribution without inner connection, that means somebody sings very nicely. But when they are singing, their concern is not how much Krishna is pleased with me, their concern is how many people are marvelling at how nicely I sing. So then what will happen? That person will become prideful.

They will be doing the service, but it’s all about pride and ego and recognition. Now if somebody has neither outer contribution nor inner connection, then they are going to become very resentful. Nothing is working in life.

They will be bitter and resentful. Now if somebody has inner connection, there is no outer contribution. They will still be graceful.

Now if there is outer contribution, they will be grateful. Not like I am grateful. So we can say that Prabhupada, in his life from 1922 to 1966 almost, or we can say even 1968, because he didn’t get success immediately.

After 1968, the movement really took off. And then 1968 to 77, that’s when the outer contribution also started manifesting. So for us, we try to make sure, if are we meant to persist in a particular service, even when we are getting no success, then we should see through the service, am I at least experiencing the inner connection with Krishna? That’s when we will be able to persist in that service.

So some people, they may go out for distributing books and it’s just exhausting emotionally, physically and they do it, but they feel completely drained by it. They don’t even feel spiritually nourished by it. We will be spiritually purified by it, but we won’t feel nourished by it.

But if they come and do worship the deities or they come and make garlands for the Lord, they feel much more connected with the Lord. So we have to see both. Ideally would be, we would all like to be in quadrant 4. We could say that best is that we can be in quadrant 4. But if not, then at least in quadrant 3. Now, we don’t want to be in quadrant 1. If we are in quadrant 1, we should try to get to quadrant 3 soon.

But definitely we don’t want to be in quadrant 4. So for all of us, we can’t entirely control this, but we explore. Which is the service by which I can make an outer contribution? Which is the service by which I can make an inner connection? And we may have 2-3 services like that and we explore among those and one of the services may become our life’s calling and our life’s way of serving Krishna primarily. Does it answer the question?