QA on humility 2 – While being tolerant, how can we ensure that we aren’t abused by others?
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QA on Humility 2 – While being tolerant, how can we ensure that we aren’t abused by others?
Question:
Hare Krishna, Chaitanya Prabhuji. You’ve spoken a lot about humility and tolerance. Personally, I find it easier to be tolerant with devotees because they are generally kind-hearted, and we know they are on a path of purification — their hearts are set in the right place, in Krishna. But I often find it harder to be tolerant with non-spiritual people, especially those who have an exploitative mentality — who just want to take advantage, who operate with an “I win, you lose” attitude.
How do we find the balance between being tolerant and not allowing ourselves to be abused or mistreated — not becoming like a twig just blown away in the wind, as you once said? Are there times when we should stand up for ourselves? How do we know when to be tolerant and when to take a stand?
Answer:
This is a very important question. Instead of saying it’s easier to be tolerant with devotees than with non-devotees, we could generalize the point and say: it’s easier to be tolerant with those who are themselves tolerant. And when someone is intolerant, especially aggressively or exploitatively so, then practicing tolerance with them becomes much more difficult.
One way to understand tolerance is this:
Tolerance means keeping small things small so that we can focus on big things.
The Bhagavad-gita gives a balanced picture. In 2.14, it urges us to tolerate the dualities of heat and cold, pleasure and pain. But in the very same book, Arjuna is being called upon to fight a war. A war, by conventional standards, seems the very opposite of tolerance. How do we reconcile these two teachings?
The Gita is not merely a call for tolerance, nor is it a call for violence. It is ultimately a call for transcendence — to raise our consciousness to the spiritual level. Arjuna was a warrior and a king. His dharma involved creating and sustaining a social structure that facilitates spiritual progress. In such a context, tolerance is essential, because otherwise we can get swept away by the emotions of the moment.
For example:
“You said this to me, so I’ll do that to you…” — this tit-for-tat reaction is what Krishna asks Arjuna to rise above.
Tolerance, in this sense, means not reacting impulsively to every provocation or disturbance, especially if it’s trivial or unavoidable.
There are two categories of situations where tolerance is especially important:
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Inconsequential matters – things that feel important in the heat of the moment, but don’t really matter in the long run.
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Inevitable realities – like heat and cold, success and failure, praise and criticism — which come and go regardless of our efforts.
However, Krishna also tells Arjuna: we each have a dharma, a duty, a purpose, and we should not get distracted from that by either of the above two.
So, tolerance doesn’t mean never standing up for ourselves. It means knowing which battles are worth fighting. Not everything deserves our reaction. But some things do — especially when it’s a matter of our duty, our integrity, or protecting others.
To summarize:
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Tolerance is not weakness. It is strength — the strength to not get pulled down by trivial or inevitable things.
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Tolerance is not passivity. It is intentional restraint — so we can conserve our energy for truly meaningful action.
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Tolerance is not the opposite of standing up. It’s the wisdom to know when not to stand up — and when we must.
Thus, the Bhagavad-gita offers a nuanced, empowering view — one that teaches balance between inner composure and outer responsibility.