3 attitudes for becoming steady in life
Disclaimer: This transcript was generated using AI and may contain occasional errors or inaccuracies.
Hare Krishna. Today morning, discussing from the Srimad Bhagavatam, Canto 1, Chapter 12, which is describing the appearance of Maharaj Pariksit. And here, in pursuance with time-honored tradition, when the baby is born, his grandfather, his father is no longer there.
Abhimanyu has been killed in the war. So, his grandfather is his de facto guardian. So, Yudhishthir, who is the emperor, calls many priests and astrologers to invoke auspiciousness and to forecast his future.
And while describing the future, they are describing his illustrious qualities by comparing those qualities with the qualities of great people in the past who have exhibited such exemplary qualities. So, mainly in this verse, there are three comparisons. One is his steadiness, his equanimity is compared to that of Pitamah.
So, now words can have multiple reference. The same word can refer to different things at different times. So, the word Pitamaha can refer to Brahma or it can refer to the Pitamaha of the baby.
Pitamaha basically means grandfather. So, Brahmaji is often referred to as the grandfather because he is the source through whom all living beings come. But he is not directly the progenitor.
He has a few children. But Daksha, one of his children and other Prajapathis, they beget most of the population. So, most of the population is related to Brahma as a grandfather or a great-grandfather.
Now, of course, Brahmaji may be a great-great-great-great-grandfather. But all great-great-great-great-grandfathers are clubbed together in the reference grandfather. Generally, we don't have that problem because not many people live that long.
So, the word grandfather can refer to either Brahma or Yudhishthir. And they said that his calmness of mind is just like, will be like Brahma or Yudhishthir. Yudhishthir is the grandfather of the baby.
And then it said that he will be generous, charitable like Shiva. And Prabhupada gives the background why each of these comparisons is given. Now, how Brahma and Yudhishthir are always equipoised.
How Shiva is very magnanimous. And how, lastly, Lord Vishnu is the shelter of all living beings. So, I'll talk about two main themes here.
Prabhupada is quite exhaustive and we could go into each of these pastimes. But I'll talk some general points. Then I'll elaborate on two specific points.
Now, here the indication is given, astrology is an integral part of the broad Vedic tradition. And the idea is that the kind of karma we have done in the past, that determines the broad trajectory of events that we are going to experience in our life. It doesn't determine everything.
It's like, say, if you decide to drive from here to, say, Melbourne. May take a 10 hour journey or whatever. And then you'll get a weather forecast.
At this place it's hot. Here it's stormy. Here it's rainy.
In this area, it is good weather. So, now, so just as when we are going on a road journey, the weather forecast indicates the kind of weather which we are going to encounter in different laps of the journey. Similarly, astrology forecast, if it is done accurately, and in today's world it is a big if, because not many astrologers are that competent.
But if it is done accurately, then that becomes like a weather forecast. It doesn't tell everything. It doesn't, for example, the weather forecast will not tell how we are going to drive.
If we may drive recklessly and even in smooth weather, we may meet with an accident. We may drive carefully and even through difficult weather, we may go emerge safe. So, what astrology can tell us is that certain phases of our life are going to have some difficulty.
We are going to have some difficulties. Certain phases, they're going to be easy. So, certain phases are good for certain activities.
So, if astrology at all, if astrology prediction is done accurately, that depends on the, first of all, the authenticity of the astrologer and not just authenticity. It also depends on the expertise and experience of the astrologer. Just like if we consider it to be like medical science.
First of all, the person has to be medically trained. And not only just because the person is medically trained, that doesn't necessarily mean that they will be able to get the accurate diagnosis. Because sometimes a person may have 3-4 symptoms and those 3-4 symptoms can indicate different diseases.
So, medicine is quite often, especially in the diagnostic level, it has to be an inferential science. It's not a precise science. And even to minimize the amount of inferences, there are many different kind of tests that are done.
In astrology, it's difficult to do that kind of quantifiable tests. So, in that sense, the inferences that are drawn by the astrologer based on certain parameters, which may be standard, which can be analyzed, the inferences can, they depend on the expertise, the experience and even in the best of situations, they may go wrong. So, we accept in general the authenticity of astrology, but we don't rely too much in astrology.
So, there is a devotee who has written a book, How to Mess Your Life with Astrology. So, some devotees, they want to do what they want to do. And they just want an astrologer to certify what I want to do.
So, say somebody is in a marriage that they feel is unhappy. And they want to get out of that marriage. And they go to astrologer and the astrologer says, actually, this is a bad phase you are going through this.
Tolerate it. Things will be better. And they go to another astrologer.
That astrologer says, just tolerate it. It's a bad phase right now. They'll go to 10 astrologers till they find 11th astrologer who'll say, no, this is a very bad match.
It's never going to work. I'm going to separate immediately. So, you know, when we use astrology to simply justify what we want to do, then we often make a mess of our life by astrology.
So, it's important for us to keep the purpose in mind. Just like in this comparison, the final point is said is that Vishnu is the shelter of all living beings. And Vishnu is the supreme lord who is the shelter of everyone.
So, we need to… So, we need to keep ourselves focused in the service of Krishna and not get too distracted by this problem or that problem. na prahrishet priyam praapya na dvijet praapya cha priyam sthir budhir asamudho brahma vid brahmani sthithaha In 5.20, the Bhagavad Gita Krishna says that do not be elated when you get good and do not be dejected when you get bad. Just be fixed in spiritual knowledge and in spiritual action.
Brahma vid brahmani sthithaha. And in that way, you can undiluted go through material existence. So, the nature of the world is we will sometimes get good, sometimes bad.
And this good and bad can work in different ways. Sometimes it can be just environmental, the weather is pleasant, unpleasant. Sometimes it can be financial, where sometimes we get a raise in our job.
Sometimes we just lose our job. So, but it can also be psychological, where sometimes we just feel good and sometimes we feel bad. And sometimes we will not even be able to ascribe, you know, why am I feeling so depressed today? Why am I feeling so lethargic? I just don't feel like doing anything.
So, just as the weather sometimes changes unpredictably, we could say that similarly, our emotional weather also changes unpredictably. And sometimes these ups and downs can also be relational. That sometimes in relationships, some relationships they give us, we feel very happy in those relationships, we feel comfortable, we feel at home.
And sometimes that same relationship may appear to be like walking in a minefield. What we say and what explosion it will set off, we just don't know. Sometimes when we are walking in a minefield, we're just walking comfortably and then just one step, boom, there's a big explosion.
Sometimes we just do something which we think is just ordinary and the other person gets so upset by that. It's just an explosion from them. Why? So, this is the sort of ups and downs.
They're just a part of life. And we need steadiness. We need equanimity of mind to deal with this.
So, the equanimity of mind, how do we get this? In the 13th chapter, Krishna says, mayi cha ananya yogena bhakti ravya pichareni ishtaan ishto papatishu. Krishna says that when we become, he gives two qualities over there which are one after another. He says that ishtaan ishto papatishu.
Ishta and anishta, if we get the pleasant and unpleasant, the auspicious and inauspicious, samapchit tattvam, be equipoised. How? mayi cha ananya yogena bhakti ravya pichareni, by being focused in a mood of service to Krishna. So, if we see everything that we are doing as a service to Krishna, so, okay, I'm relating with this person, this relationship is a service to Krishna.
And sometimes some service is pleasant, sometimes it's not pleasant. Sometimes, say, we go out for book distribution and some people are so eager and grateful to receive the book. And some people sometimes are just, want to push us away, just want to have nothing to do with us.
So, that's just the duality of life. Sometimes if we are giving class, some people are so eager to hear. And sometimes people are just waiting for the class to end.
So, that is the higher taste. So, if katha and prasad is compared, prasad is the higher taste always. So, we will experience this duality in service.
But if you understand that I am serving Krishna for Krishna's pleasure, or if Krishna's pleasure seems to be like too lofty a motive for us, you know, how do I see Krishna? How do I see whether Krishna is pleased or not? Then we can think that I am serving for my purification. kāyena manasā buddhya kevalair indriyair api yoginah karma kurvanti saṅgam tyaktvātma-śuddhaye In 5.11 in the Gita, Krishna says that the yogis with body, mind, intelligence and even the senses, they act for the purpose of purification, ātma-śuddhaye. So, if we work for the purpose of purification, then we will be able to study.
Now, sometimes different words acquire different connotations in certain contexts. So, consider for example, the word motivation. Now, in general, people in the outside world say, you should have a high level of motivation.
Somebody says, you know, he is highly motivated. He is a highly motivated athlete. He is highly motivated professional.
So, some people even have a professional of being motivational speakers. That means they speak in a way that will inspire others. But in bhakti, sometimes the word motivation is contrasted with unmotivated devotional service.
So, we say that we should not be motivated. We should be unmotivated. Now, if you see, there are two different words in different contexts.
Similarly, the word passion, we generally say that the word passion is associated with the mode of passion. We should not be in the mode of passion. But in the outside world, the word passion is considered very positive.
You should have a passion for your job. You should have a passion for life. He has a passion for art.
He has a passion for this. So, I put it that we should not be in passion, but we need to have a passion. We need to have something that inspires in our life, but we don't have to get into the mode of passion.
Similarly, we needn't be selfishly motivated, but we need to be motivated. We need to be inspired to do things. So, in that same context, what I was saying is that words have different meanings, some positive and some negative.
So, when we are going through life, we need to be equipoised. And being equipoised means that whether ups and downs come, we stay steadily motivated. So, I was using the word motivated in a positive sense over here.
That's why that detour was there. So, being motivated happens when we serve Krishna. And when we serve Krishna with the motive of purification.
Now, sometimes in devotee circles, some words acquire some negative connotation. If we go for a yatra, say recently we had a retreat. And I asked, how was the retreat? It was very purifying.
Now, if somebody says that it was very austere, it was very difficult, then I just say it was very difficult, it was very purifying. If somebody asks after we serve them prasad, how was the prasad? Very purifying. Well, all prasad is purifying, but if somebody uses the word purifying, that means that they are saying, well, it was not that tasty.
I took it for my purification. So, sometimes words acquire negative connotations. But when I am using the word purification, when we work for our purification, that doesn't have that negative connotation.
It just means that we understand. So, purification and satisfaction don't have to be opposites. So, prasad was very satisfying, prasad was very purifying.
Well, prasad can be satisfying and purifying, both. So, in that sense, purification and satisfaction don't have to be opposites. Although sometimes even when satisfaction is not there, we are perseverant in the service for the sake of purification.
So, when we engage in activity only for satisfaction, then it becomes a problem. So, if I engage in a relationship because I want to get satisfaction from that relationship, then if somebody doesn't give me satisfaction, somebody causes me agitation, I may start thinking, why am I engaging in this relationship? If we do a service and that service only causes us too much anxiety and tension, I feel, why am I doing this service? So, if satisfaction becomes the sole motive of doing service, then our service will become very unsteady. In fact, any activity that we do will become unsteady.
Even any job that we do, even a responsibility like taking care of our children, there is great satisfaction in that. But there is also agitation in that. So, we can't have satisfaction as our sole motive.
So, purification as our motive will bring steadiness. And while we are working for purification, sometimes there will be satisfaction, sometimes there may not be satisfaction. But we will have steadiness if our motive is that purification, not satisfaction.
And purification and satisfaction can go together also at times. So, basically the point is, how do we develop equanimity? By learning to function for the purpose of purification. So, to the extent, whatever activity you do, I am doing this for purification.
Now, of course, activities that we do, there is a practical function that we want to do. If we tell someone, please get this over here at this time. The practical function has to be done.
And we have to make sure that it gets done. Some people are not responsible enough to do that. Then we may have to make some practical readjustment.
That means there is an immediate, we could say that all our actions have some transactional aspect to it. Transactional aspect is that we have to do some transaction, we have to do some action in the world. And for that we do those actions.
But when we practice bhakti, bhakti has both the transactional and the transformational aspect. When we are doing service, it is not just transactional. Go and make sure that the curtain is opened at the right time.
Make sure that the food is cooked. Make sure that if there is a class, the mic system, sound system is set up. These are all transactional.
So, devotion does have a transactional aspect to it. And the transactional aspect has to be done properly. If we are building a new temple, we have to raise funds.
And then we have to meet people and see who are the people who are likely to give funds. So, that is a transactional aspect. So, whenever we do devotional service, there is a transactional aspect about what is practically to be done.
But devotion is not meant only as a transaction. It is meant primarily for transformation. So, when we go to people and maybe raise funds, our purpose is not just to get money.
Our purpose is to help them raise their consciousness. And because their consciousness is in money, if they give money to Krishna, that connects their consciousness with Krishna. So, Prabhupada wanted that when people became life members, they should also be given his books.
They should be given spiritual gifts by which the transformation can also happen. So, if we have two transactional vision of bhakti, then bhakti can seem very utilitarian, very mundane. And then we will evaluate simply based on the external result.
This is successful, this is unsuccessful. But if we have the transformational understanding, that transformation means purification. That I want to become devoted to Krishna.
And the transformational effect will always happen. If we are serving Krishna, Krishna is watching, Krishna is pleased and we will go closer to him. So, Chakshuryasya Narishati in the 8th canto of Bhagavatam it is said that Krishna's eyes don't blink.
He unblinkingly notes every service that a devotee does. So, by lifting our vision towards Krishna, then we can bring steadiness to our activities even if we are at a transactional level, they are not successful. And Prabhupada makes the point in the purport that sometimes the very people whom we are trying to serve, they work against us.
They criticize us. They hurt us. Here, of course, he gives a transcendental example of how Brahmaji has fashioned this body to function as a tool for the soul to act in this world and to raise towards Krishna.
But the gopis criticize Brahma because he has made eyelids that blink. Jada Udikshatam, Pakshmakridrsham, Jada Udikshatam. What a foolish creator.
This is Pakshmakridrsham that he has made eyes that blink. Now, this actually gives us an indication of how attractive Krishna is and how attracted to Krishna the gopis are. That suppose somebody is watching an action-packed movie and then they don't want to miss one moment of the action because they feel everything is so exciting.
Sometimes the cricket match is going on and people just want to forget everything else and just watch the cricket match. When there are movies, nowadays people can watch movies at home also. They can just live stream them or whatever, stream them from some portal.
But still people pay a significant amount of money to go to theatres to watch movies. Why? Because theatre you can have undistracted illusion. So, even illusion cannot be enjoyed if there is distraction.
So, just as devotion can't be enjoyed if there is distraction, which anti-Hare Krishna mind is distracted, we can't enjoy. Similarly, illusion can't be enjoyed if there is distraction. So, if people want to watch movie, they want to have undistracted illusion.
And for that they are ready to pay significant amount of money for those 2-3 hours of the movie. So, then if the movie is going on and suddenly say the transmission gets interrupted, people get irritated. Start it once again.
Start it once again. Sometimes it happens that cricket match is being streamed live and the match is at a suspenseful moment. And the last few balls are there and suddenly the network goes off.
People start, come on, what is the network? So, through the emotions that we experience in such situations, we can get some inkling of the emotions that the gopis are experiencing. That they can't tolerate interruption in their darshan of Krishna for even one moment. They feel it is so exciting, so fulfilling.
It's thrilling at every moment. And that is the exalted level of the gopis. But that's from a transcendental perspective.
From practical perspective, they are criticizing Brahma. Why have you made eyelids like this? So, we all in this world will experience criticism. It's just a part of being in this world.
It's not that just as when we are in the world at ecological level, at weather level, sometimes the weather will be pleasant, sometimes the weather will be unpleasant. Similarly, at a relational level, sometimes we will be praised and sometimes we will be criticized. And in this also there are phases that just as in some places the weathers are very extreme.
Sometimes it's very warm and sometimes it's very cold. So, in general this world is a place of duality. And the more well-known we become, if we become well-known, if we become famous, if we become respected.
So, the flip side of fame is criticism. The more we become famous and the more we are praised, the more we will be criticized. And we see this among devotees also.
Those devotees who are leading our movement in many subsequent capacities, they often have lot of people criticizing them also. And nowadays with the internet available, anybody can just have some idea in their mind and just type something and it can go to thousands of people all over the world. So, there are lots of even websites and other internet or technological media that are used to criticize.
So, at one level such criticism of devotees and especially dedicated devotees is very unfortunate. And it is very dangerous for one's devotion to criticize like this. But at another level, what we have to see is, this is just a part of life.
That anybody who gets praise will also get criticism. That's the nature of the duality of this world. And that's why when, sometimes when we work for someone and that person starts troubling us, like it happened with Shiva.
Lord Shiva, it is described in his purport that he blessed Vrikasur and Vrikasur tried to attack Shiva and kill him only. So, that is of course a very gross example of somebody wanting to destroy their benedictor. And not only that, he wanted to actually destroy Shiva so that he could get Gauri, Shiva's wife for himself.
It's very demoniac mentality. But we may sometimes feel like that, that we spend a lot of time caring for someone and they turn against us. It may sometimes happen that parents work very hard to take care of the children and the children go into the teenage and then they start feeling that actually my parents, they are so repressive.
Don't do this, don't do that, don't do that. And they feel as if their parents are their enemies. I was talking with one teenager and then he got a phone call and he picked up the phone and in the phone it was written jail.
I said what is jail? So, he said that is my home. So, sometimes they may perceive it as if the home is a place where they are restricted so much that they feel it's like a jail. So, now we may feel very hurt and rejected that I am doing so much for you and instead of appreciating you are resenting it.
So, actually that is just a phase. That is just a phase that everyone goes through. The phase of teenage and adolescence is a place where people are trying to discover their identity.
When we are small, when we are below 10, 5, 6, 7, we are identified by our relationship with our parents. You know, so and so son, so and so daughter. When we become adults, we have our own identity.
You know, this degree, this job, this identity. But when they are in the teenage, they are too big to be identified as simply their parents' children and they are too small to have their own identity. So, it's a turbulent phase for them and they often try to exert.
So, there is an American thinker Mark Twain, he said, when I was 15, my father was a fool. Now I am 25 and I am amazed how much the old guy has learned in the last 10 years. Now, it is not that the father.
The father could also have learned some things. But it is just that when we become 25, our perspective changes. So, 15 is the age of rebellion.
So, sometimes when people whom we are trying to take care of, they start rebelling against us, they start resenting us, it can feel very, very, we can feel very hurt. But at that time, one key when people start acting hurtfully is don't take it personally. We are personalists in the sense that we understand that each one of us is a person and Krishna is also a person.
Personality is an eternal feature of reality, of our very identity. At the same time, if we start taking everything that everyone does personally, we will traumatize ourselves. Because actually inside everyone's head, a movie is going on.
And that movie, they are the heroes. And everyone else is an extra in that movie. Simply an extra.
So, this is just the way it is. This doesn't mean that people are selfish. It's just the way we function.
So, when people act, although some action of ours might be a trigger, just like if there is an iceberg, there is a small portion of the iceberg that is above and there is a lot that is below. So, sometimes people may just be angry with us. You did this and they are exploding.
It's a small thing. Why are you exploding because of this? But quite often our action is simply a trigger. It's like the top of the iceberg that is visible.
And below that, the whole remaining iceberg could be their own issues. So, one way we can maintain steadiness, I said earlier is by working for purification. Another way we can maintain steadiness is by not taking things too personally.
Not taking things too personally means understanding that when people act in particular ways, they are not necessarily reacting to us, even if they appear to be reacting to us. They may be going through a lot of issues internally and it becomes difficult to know what they are going through. Sometimes we may come for our, especially if we are a preacher or something, little well-known, and we come to a program and everybody wants to greet.
And if sometimes we just don't greet someone, that devotee starts thinking, maybe Prabhu is upset with me. Now we may start thinking, now it may be or it may not be intense. Somebody may just be caught in their own thoughts and not notice also someone is there.
So, we don't have to necessarily take everything personally. The same thing keeps happening again and again and again. Then definitely we may need to have some proper discussion to understand the situation.
So, even when we face reversals in life, that sometimes something goes wrong, generally when it comes to events in the broader world, to not take it personally is difficult, but it is relatively easier. Suppose we are working at a job and suddenly we are fired. Now, it may not be anything personal.
It's just that the company is going down or the economy is going down. And some people have to be retrenched. It could be personal that the boss was looking for an opportunity to fire us.
It could be also that, it's just that some people had to go and we happen to be the one who got the pink slip. So, generally when things happen at a broader level, it's easier to not take it so personally. But when it happens at a relational level, we often take it personally.
Naturally, because relationship is an interaction between persons. But still, even in people's behavior, there are layers. That means occasionally someone may just say something, it may hurt us.
But we don't have to get too agitated by it. It's not about us. You know, when Lakshman was, when Ram had gone to chase Maricha, and Maricha, before dying, called out in the voice of Ram, Hey, Sankshman! Hey, Sita! Help! So, Sita became frantic with worry and said, Please, go and help Ram.
And Lakshman said, Ram cannot be an invader. This is actually a demon who is impersonating. And Sita became so frantic with anxiety at that time, she somehow wanted to goad Lakshman to go.
And she spoke unspeakable words. She accused Lakshman of having an evil eye on her, of having lusty designs towards her. And Lakshman couldn't bear those words.
He just had to go with those words, hurt him much more than the sharpest arrows sent by his strongest enemies. And he found those words unbearable and he left. And of course, that led to the catastrophe of Sita being abducted.
But eventually when Lakshman and Ram were reunited with Sita, Lakshman did not hold it against her. You spoke like that to me. He has forgotten.
Although at that time the words hurt. Understood, when Sita was speaking like that, it was not about Lakshman. It was about Sita's love for Ram and her anxiety which was caused by that love.
So, that's why we need to become a little more deeper in our perception. Don't just look at people's actions. Sometimes we don't know what situation who is going through.
And if somebody were walking twisted, say, why do you walk like this? But then if we saw they are carrying a huge burden, then we understood, okay, that's why you are walking like this. The burden is on this side. So, we don't know what burden who is carrying emotionally.
It's just to know people's background. Sometimes we like to know. And sometimes it is a malicious sense, you know.
Oh, this person is such a nice devotee now, but he did like this also in the past. Like this also. So, we want to know the background just to minimize people.
But to know people's background means to know what is on their back and what is under their ground. To know what is on their back means to know what kind of burden they are carrying. All of us have different burdens that we carry and those burdens shape our actions much more than the other person's actions.
So, to know people's background, we should do it in a mood of empathy to understand them better. To know what is under back means what kind of situation they are going through. And to know what is under their ground means everybody has a basic self-conception.
We may have some high self-worth or high self-esteem or low self-esteem. Some people may have gone through some trauma in their childhood and that may have jarred them permanently. Because of that, some people may be insecure, jittery.
Some people may be irritable. So, when people behave in particular ways, to know what is under their ground means to understand what has made them the way they are. Not just the specific situation that they are going through right now.
But also to understand what were the formative influences in their life, what kind of impressions they have. If we do this, then we will be able to actually bring much more empathy and warmth in our relationships. Even if people are behaving in difficult ways, even if people behave disagreeably, we don't have to become disagreeable.
Sometimes people may behave disagreeably and we may need to keep a distance from them at that time. But we don't have to ourselves become disagreeable. So, by seeing, by having this mood of service to Krishna, that how can I best serve Krishna with this person or through this person, then we can bring steadiness.
I'll conclude with one last point about the steadiness, that in our relationships are always dynamic. Sometimes two people may be very close to each other. Even if people are in a close relationship, that doesn't mean they are always close to each other.
There are some phases when they will be close to each other. Some phases, they may be a little distance from each other. And this is just the normal way our emotions work.
So, if we understand that my purpose is to serve Krishna, then sometimes we may serve Krishna with someone. Sometimes we may serve Krishna under someone. That person guides us and then we serve them.
Sometimes we serve Krishna through someone. That means we serve them and through serving them, we serve Krishna. And sometimes we serve Krishna in spite of someone.
So, and curiously, actually the same person may function in all these different roles. Sometimes somebody may be our friend and our partner and we work, we serve with them. We divide the responsibility.
You do this, I do this. And they do their part, we do our part and we serve with them. Now, that is wonderful if we can serve with them.
But sometimes they may be equals or may be serving in equal position. Sometimes we serve under someone. That means they are our seniors, they are in some position of authority for us and they give us instruction, they give us guidelines and we serve under them.
Sometimes we serve through someone. Serve through someone means that once a devotee asked me that, sometimes some devotees just don't get along with each other. So, if there is a project or service which requires two people to work together and this devotee says, I just can't work with that devotee.
So, what do we tell them? How can we inspire them? Tell them that you will get the credit for doing two services. What are the two services? One is doing that service and the second is working with that devotee. So, sometimes working with some person can also be a service in itself.
Now, we don't have to minimize others by thinking that, treating them like that. No, serving with you is austerity. Who knows, they will be thinking that serving with us is an austerity.
It may be like that. But sometimes if we have to go through that situation, we serve through someone means that by serving that person, we actually serve Krishna. So, it may not be that easy.
That person may have their ups and downs and we may still serve Krishna. We may still have to tolerate that and continue working. Sometimes we may serve in spite of someone.
That means that person may discourage us, that person may impede us, that person may backbite against us. Whatever happens, we keep serving in spite of them. Even if that person seems to be bent against us, still our relationship with Krishna is our responsibility.
And no one should become so important in our life, either positively or negatively, that they come in our relationship with Krishna. Suppose, you know, we come to a temple and say somebody is exploring a new relationship and they are very attached to someone. They come to the temple, their thoughts are not so much about taking darshan of the Lord, their thoughts are about meeting that person.
So, attachment can distract someone from Krishna. But the same way, aversion can distract someone from Krishna also. If we have quarreled with someone, if we have a bitter feeling, if we have a bitter interaction with someone, then we come to the temple and then we are thinking, is this person there? So, we are more conscious of that person than we are conscious of Krishna.
Even if we are taking darshan of Krishna and suddenly we hear that person's voice and then you forget Krishna, oh, this person. So, at that time, when this happens, we have to recognize that, okay, that attachment or aversion, whatever it is, that might be there. But nothing should be made more important than my relationship with Krishna.
So, if some relationships or negativities have happened, then we may need to create some distance, create some safety for ourselves so that we don't get hurt again and again. Create some distance and safety, but we continue our service to Krishna. Even if we are attached to someone, there is some natural human attachment that might be there.
But we have to make sure that that attachment doesn't interfere with our relationship with Krishna. Yes, this is my relationship with Krishna, this is my relationship with you. I'll pursue this as is appropriate, but this is also what I'll pursue.
So, by philosophically understanding that Krishna is our eternal relative, Krishna is the one with whom we have eternal relationship. And by giving that relationship the foremost importance, by that, ultimately, that is the way we can become steady at the devotional level. And thus, whatever life sends our way which makes us unsteady, we can persevere steadily by the strength of our connection with Krishna.
So, I'll summarize. I spoke broadly on the theme of becoming steady in our bhakti. I started by talking about astrology, how astrological predictions are made about Parikshit Maharaj's future qualities.
So, astrology is like a weather forecast for a road journey. It tells what will happen, not how we act. So, similarly, in our life, certain events may be destined, but still we always have free will about how we act.
And if we use astrology to justify what we want to do whimsically or just sentimentally, then we will mess our life with astrology. So, astrology should be used to make us steadier, not make us unsteadier, not keep changing things and use astrology to justify that. Understand that there are bad phases and move forward.
And as devotees, we don't over rely on astrology. Occasionally, if somebody wants to consult, they can consult. The focus is on Visar Krishna.
When I talked about various levels by which you can get steadiness, one is by working for purification. By understanding that this world is a place of dualities, whether it is environmental, weather changing, the financial, climate changing, whether it is our own emotional mood is changing or whether it is the relational dynamics. This world is a place of duality.
So, if we work for satisfaction, then we may not get it sometimes. If we work for purification, purification means that we understand that if I do something steadily in a mood of service to Krishna, my anarthas will go down. So, purification, it's not opposite to satisfaction.
Sometimes what we do for purification may also give satisfaction. But our purpose is not the satisfaction. Our purpose is purification.
Then that will bring steadiness in the practice of our bhakti. I talked about a word sometimes can acquire negative connotations. So, purification can mean austerity.
Motivation can mean selfishness. But they don't have to mean like that. In bhakti, we don't want to be selfishly motivated, but we do want to be motivated in our devotion.
And then devotion is not just meant to be transactional. It is meant to be transformational. So, even if at a transactional level, there is failure, we go to distribute books and nobody takes books.
At a transformational level, if you understand my purpose is purification, we will be purified. Then I talked about second level of how we can bring steadiness is by not taking things too personally. If something happens in our office, it may not be that we are targeted.
It is just that the company has gone down, the economy has gone down. Similarly, when people behave improperly with us, it may not be about us. It is our behavior which has set them off might just be the tip of the iceberg.
And their own issues may be what is actually agitating them. So, to know people's background means to know what is on their back and what is under their ground. To know what kind of burdens they are facing right now.
And to know what are their formative influences which have made them the way they are. If we understand this, then we will become much more empathic. And everybody is like a star in the movie that is going on in their own head.
And we all happen to be extras. So, if someone whom we are helping and we are working for them, we are doing a lot of sacrificing for them. And if they resent and reject us, it can be very hurting.
Like say parents start, children start resenting their parents. But it is often just the teenage trauma that is making them do it. It is not, they are not personally against their parents.
Just be patient, that phase will get over. So, by understanding people better and not taking their actions as so personally, we can move forward towards Krishna. We discussed how even the Gopis criticized Brahmaji although he was just doing his job.
So, we discussed how the Gopis have such intense attraction towards Krishna. And people want, when they watch movies, they want undistracted illusion. So, to enjoy anything, we need to be undistracted.
And that principle applies to our devotion also. And the last point I talked about how we can become steady is by understanding that our relationship with Krishna is our most important relationship. And no attachment or aversion to anyone should be made more important, be allowed to become more important than our relationship with Krishna.
So, sometimes we work with someone. Sometimes we work under someone. Sometimes we work, sometimes we serve with someone, serve Krishna through someone.
Sometimes we serve under someone. Sometimes we serve through someone. And sometimes we serve in spite of someone.
So, whatever be the dynamic of a particular relationship, we focus on serving Krishna. And that will lead us to purification and ultimately the supreme satisfaction. Thank you very much.
Hare Krishna. Any questions or comments? Comments. Whatever you said, all is available at the lotus feet of Krishna.
Yes, definitely. Thank you. Hare Krishna.
Any other comments or questions? So, the last part is serving in spite of someone. But, you know, in the heart, the resentment still somehow is there. So, for our own purification and advancement in devotional service, we have to progress to get rid of that resentment and focus more on Krishna.
So, how can that be, you know, transformed? And, you know, the relationships, like in spite of serving together, how can that be transformed to serving together? And sometimes it may be unavoidable, but still how we can, you know, get rid of the resentment so that we don't have that resentment. So, if we are serving, if in a situation we have to serve in spite of someone, then how can we overcome the resentment that is there about that person? Generally, if firstly, it is not possible to have very close and wonderful relationship with everyone. We are all different human beings.
If we try to be very close and affectionate towards everyone, it is not going to work. First of all, we ourselves have finite human, finite capacities and we can't control others. So, we have to understand that different relationships work best at different distances.
One devotee was telling me, you know, I was talking about another devotee, he says, he is a wonderful devotee to admire from a distance. So, now, he is a wonderful devotee in general, but when he has to work, he is often quite demanding. And then, actually that's not a bad thing.
Sometimes devotees may be demanding for Krishna's sake. But then some devotees may not be able to take it off. Those who are working with them, which is fine.
So, the point is that sometimes in a relationship when there is a lot of resentment or negativity, it might just be that we have not found out the right distance at which the relationship can function. So, we may expect a lot of closeness in that relationship, but other person is not interested in the close relationship. So, that's okay.
Then, basically, when we work out what is the distance at which this relationship works the best, then we will become steady. And so, sometimes some people, you do your service, I do my service, and both of us cooperate by operating separately. Operating separately means not that we have negative feelings against each other, but just that we are, some people are just different.
And then we need to work separately. There's nothing wrong in that. But where it becomes wrong or unwanted is if both keep speaking negatively about each other.
Both keep finding faults with others and transmitting that negativity to everyone. Then that becomes unpleasant. But sometimes a respectful distance might just be the best way two people function.
And Prabhupada would do that at a practical level. If two devotees didn't get along so well, just tell them go and open two different centers. And even now the world is a big place.
And there are so many ways in which we can serve Krishna. Having said that, the first principle would be to find the right distance that works for that relationship. Then second point is that if we have negative feelings about a particular person, then we can try to change that by associating with someone who appreciates that person and getting a different perspective of the person.
Our interactions with them might have been very unpleasant, but somebody else might have a pleasant interactions. And generally our perception, our vision is shaped by our conceptions. So if we have a negative conception about someone, then even if they have positive side or negative side, we will gravitate towards the negative side.
As it will be difficult for us to see good in them. So if somebody who sees the positive, if we associate with them and then let them speak about the person. I didn't realize this good side also, this good side also.
So that will help us to overcome that negativity. If that resentment is associated with a particular interaction, then if it is possible, then it may be best to talk with them directly and understand why they did what they did. Generally, immediately after the incident, if something unpleasant has happened, the temperatures are too high.
So that time it may not work. But later on, as time creates a distance, the emotional temperature cools down. And then we also gain perspective, they also gain perspective.
And then we might be able to better understand why they did what they did. And then again that resentment can go down. So by communicating with them at a one to one level, it can help in removing certain misconceptions or removing certain conception, which may not be wrong, but at least clarifying them.
Another thing which we could do is that we see it as there is a certain amount of karma that we have to get. So there is Adhyatmik Kilesh, Adhibhautik Kilesh, Adhidaivik Kilesh. So there is a certain amount of distress that through relationships that we are all meant to go through by our karma.
Now if we, one devotee told me that sometimes I feel that I get more problems through devotees than through non-devotees. My non-devotee colleagues are so nice. Devotees are so demanding.
It's not necessarily like that. Often our relationship with our non-devotee colleagues might be very functional and professional. So generally in an office people don't misbehave so much.
Because they know it's a job, it's a place of working, so people keep their emotions generally under control. So because the relationship is at a distance, it's not that close a relationship, so it appears good. But with devotees we come much closer and relatively speaking we are much more emotionally invested in our devotional relationships than in our non-devotional relationships.
So because of that, it is likely that when some ups and downs happen, the ups and downs will shake us much more when they happen in our devotional relationship. Just like if an earthquake occurs here, if the earthquake occurs under where I am, it will shake me much more. If the earthquake occurs, the center of the earthquake is in the street across, that will also shake me.
But the center is there, so it will shake me much lesser. So some relationships are like our center. Although we say Krishna should be the center of us, but functionally at present there are some other relationships that are at the center of our being.
So when they are shaking over there, we feel much more distressed by that. So also that if we have a certain amount of klesha, distress to get through Adibhautika, through people around us, and if most of the people around us are devotees, then that Adibhautika klesha will come through devotees. So it's not necessary that that particular devotee who is against us.
It's just that that devotee is simply delivering our karma to us. So Prabhupada would say sometimes don't become angry at the instrument of your karma. And beyond that, we can also see that sometimes this might just be a way that resentment, processing that resentment is what we need to grow internally.
We in general tend to identify very strongly with our mind. The emotions that come in the mind, the thoughts that come in the mind, we just very quickly identify with them. Every day I write an article on the Gita.
So today morning I wrote an article. Our thoughts are not always wise. We don't have to always follow their advice.
So sometimes we just need to create a distance from them. So that resentment that is there within us, when it comes, we can see that this is actually here not because of this person. This is there because I am so attached to my mind.
So one way to create distance from the mind is to simply preface the emotion with the mind is saying. Instead of saying I am feeling resentful. The mind is saying I am feeling resentful.
If you just develop this exercise, I am depressed. The mind is saying I am depressed. If we just do this much, repeatedly start doing this, we start identifying that this is not my emotion.
This is my mind's emotion. Now of course the mind is inside me and that emotion will affect me. Just like say if we have a child and the child is in a very foul mood, crying loudly, screaming loudly.
That is going to disturb us. But just because the child is crying and screaming, the mother starts crying and screaming. The problem will become multiply manifold.
So if we understand the mind is like a child and the mind is having this emotion, then okay, this emotion is there. How do I deal with it? Just understanding that this is the mind is saying it, that creates some distance from us. So the mind is saying I am feeling resentful.
Okay. Yeah, this has happened and this is how I dealt with it. This is what I have done.
This is what I'm planning to do. By that we can process that emotion. So generally we think of emotions only in two ways, expressing them or repressing them.
But the third way to deal with emotion is also processing them. So we can use our intelligence to analyze or to evaluate or to, okay, what all have I done to deal with this person. You know this person did like this, but then that person was good at this, this, this times.
That person is doing so much good over here. So therefore, this is one small blot in their behavior. Let me not hyper, let me not become hyper about it.
Let me autopsies on it. So like that we can bring our intelligence to bear on that particular emotion. And then when we do it this way, when we bring our, first we need to distance and then we diffuse.
If there is an explosive and the explosive, if it explodes, it will cause damage. But then some people are diffusion experts. Now they know how to diffuse the explosive.
Sometimes our emotions can be like explosives. So first we distance ourselves on the emotion and then we diffuse the emotion. We diffuse it by processing it.
By processing means, okay, this resentment is there. It is because of this, this, this. But we have done this, this to address it.
So therefore, this emotion is not that important right now. We have done it. So it will not go away.
But if we don't pay that much attention to it, gradually it will start decreasing. And ultimately, as we become purified and as we become attracted towards Krishna, then our service to Krishna will become so important that we will not have time for resentment. So that will happen gradually.
But there are other things also which we can, which I mentioned earlier, which we can do to deal with the resentment. Thank you. Yes, Anuradha ji.
You mentioned that even though there is criticism, we should be steady in our service. We should not take criticism personally. From one side, it is okay.
From another side, we also need to be evaluating our criticism. Otherwise, it is like, you know, I will do what I want to do because that is the right thing to do. You know, Prabhu also mentioned this in the class.
Even if criticized, I will go on. It might cause so much disturbance to the people around because it might not be actual criticism. It might be something that we need to fix ourselves.
That's true. So sometimes when criticism is there, we need to correct ourselves. That may indicate something which we need to fix.
Yes, definitely. If we look at the context in which I was speaking, I was talking about Brahma being criticized by the gopis. That is criticism.
And that is not a fault of Brahma that he has created eyes with eyelids. So there I was giving an example of criticism that is circumstantial and is unwarranted. Of course, there can be warranted criticism.
And being able to take that is a sign of maturity. Because otherwise, we can't improve. We can't learn.
Sometimes we are just too caught in our own heads. We see things from our perspective and from our perspective, it appears as if we just write. What's wrong with what I have done? So, yes, criticism has to be, if the criticism is constructive, then definitely we need to correct ourselves.
As a writer, when I write my article, I have several devotees who review it. And over a period of time, I learned that through the reviewing, the article becomes so much better. Basically, there are some thoughts in my head and there are some words on the paper or on the computer screen.
Now, I think that the thoughts in my head have come as words on the screen. But sometimes the thoughts are so clear, but that I can't see the words clearly. This is what it is saying.
But somebody else, this is not what you're saying. This is what you're saying. So then seeing from somebody else's perspective helps me to understand better and then correct myself.
So I find that that kind of criticism is very, very helpful. But generally for us to receive criticism, we need to have a healthy sense of self-worth. If criticism demoralizes us so much that we just feel like giving up, then even if that criticism is valid, we keep a distance from the critic.
Because we all have deficiencies, we all have defects and we are all working gradually to deal with them. But if we are just told this problem, this problem, this problem, this problem, this devotion is filled with problems. My devotion is filled with problems.
Better give up devotion. So what we have, we have to have the inner strength of purpose by which we can assimilate criticism. Naturally, when nobody feels happy when they are criticized, we all feel a little bad when we are criticized.
But if we have that core conviction, if we have that core strength of purpose, then that criticism is like an incidental wound. So while a warrior is fighting, you get wounded. But then you rise again.
But if a bullet goes into the heart itself, the warrior will die. Sometimes some criticism may just go into the heart and that may dishearten people. Now whether the person is giving constructive criticism or destructive criticism, we don't know that.
It is good to assume that, give people the benefit of doubt and assume that their intention is good. They simply want us to improve. But sometimes even criticism that is given with a constructive intention can have a destructive effect on our morale.
So we do need people who accept us as we are. We need people who will encourage us to become better than what we are. But as we are also we need to be accepted.
So if we have only someone who is simply pushing us to become better and better and they don't accept us as we are, then that can be demoralizing. So if some person gives destructive criticism or some person gives criticism that has a destructive effect on us, then either we have to keep a little distance from them or we need to associate with others who will help us to see that person's criticism in perspective. And then that criticism will help us to improve.
So we all need to improve and often it is the feedback of others that helps us to improve. So one devotee was telling me that, I have made a policy that before giving feedback, I do feed front. So what does feed front mean? He says, whenever I have to give any feedback to the devotee, any devotee, I give them delicious prasadam first.
So feed front and then feedback. So we have to find out what is the best way in which we can take in criticism. And conversely, how we can give criticism also has to be carefully monitored.
Thank you. Gulab jamun. Gulab jamun, yes.
I have a question with regards to what you just said. So would it be fair, would it be right to then say that we should not assess any feedback that is coming to us from a platform of saying, is this going to help me become more determined in Krishna consciousness? Is this going to help me become more submissive in becoming a better devotee or in serving others? Does that mean that we need to remain on a platform of always assessing everything rather than just taking it all on board and not really getting much out of it? Okay. So should we be assessing the criticism that we get from others in terms of, is this going to help me to become a better devotee or become more submissive or determined? And should we not take in everything directly? To some extent, this is a matter of disposition.
And to some extent, it is a matter of decision. Some people are more emotional than rational. So they tend to be more sensitive.
And even if we tell them, don't take criticism so personally. Say, what do you mean? You are criticizing me. How can I not take it personally? So then people around them have to recognize that they are sensitive.
And then often when they have to be given feedback, they have to be given very, very carefully. So to some extent, for some people, the emotional side is much, much stronger than the rational side. And then whatever negative feedback they get, that will have a strong emotional effect on them.
When some people, the rational aspect is stronger and they can objectively evaluate. So we all need to develop that rational side. Even if we are more emotional, we need to develop the rational side.
Of course, sometimes those people are too rational. They may also have to develop their emotional side. Because otherwise they just are too calculated.
They don't connect at an emotional level with anyone. So actually it is very important to learn to process our emotions. If you don't do that, then our emotions will toss us around here and there.
It's like if you are in the ocean. In the ocean, sometimes there might be a current which is taking our boat in the direction which we want to go to. So it's important to catch that current.
Then we won't have to put in that much effort to go towards the destination. So similarly, for our overall journey of life, we need to have a positive emotion towards the destination that we want to go to. Say we want to develop devotion for Krishna.
So we have some general attraction towards Krishna. That is the positive emotional current that will keep us going towards Krishna. But even when there is a current in the ocean that is moving in a particular direction, still there are so many other waves which keep coming in different directions.
And so even if we like a particular thing, still our emotions will be unpredictable and they will come like waves. So if we take in everything, then it is like the wave that is so fragile, so small or so weak, so unsteady, that it just gets tossed by any and every wave that comes along. So now our reason, our rationality has to be like the engine.
The engine makes sure that even if the wave is coming this way, you use the steering wheel. And basically the, I would say not just the engine, the mechanical structure that operates the boat, so it can be steering wheel, engine, everything combined together, that is what, it has to be like our intelligence. And even if the wave comes, the wave pushes, then again we pull back, we pull back.
Jiva Goswami says in the Sandarbhas that for the pure devotees, for the Siddhas, it is their preeti for Krishna that will keep them in their bhakti. Because they love Krishna, they naturally practice bhakti. But for us sadhakas, it is our buddhi that will keep us in bhakti.
We may have some preeti, we may have some affection for Krishna, but that affection is not steady. So we need our intelligence. So that is why hearing scripture regularly, reading scripture regularly helps us to nourish our intelligence.
And that nourished intelligence becomes like the steering mechanism of the boat. That even if it goes off track because of some waves, it will come back. So we do need to assimilate, we need to evaluate.
Evaluation is needed before assimilation of the events. If we take them in directly, internalize them, that may hurt us too much. But if we evaluate them using our intelligence, yes, this person spoke like this, but this can help me to become more humble.
Then that will be more easier to process it and move on in our life. So thank you very much. Sri Prabhupada ki, gaur bhakta vrinda ki, tai gaur prema anandi.
Sri Prabhupada ki jaya.