Acknowledging our emotions but not acting impulsively on them

[Brahmachari class at ISKCON, Juhu, Mumbai]

So I will speak today on the topic of dealing with our emotions in spiritual life. I will talk about it in three parts. I will start with some experiences that I have had while travelling in the West.
Then I will speak some things from the scriptures about some incidents from there, especially in the Mahabharata. And then I will talk about practical application in terms of how things apply for us as sadhakas now in today’s world. So, in the Western world, there is an enormous infatuation with dogs as pets.
In fact, there are several cities, metropolitan cities, where the number of dogs is more than the number of Caucasian children. Caucasian children means there are many immigrants in America, but Caucasians are the whites who are currently the main people in America. So they just don’t prefer to have children.
And there is a natural need to nurture them. People when they approach the age of parenthood, and then they direct it towards pets. And they have such lavish arrangements for pets.
So I was at one airport. I saw an advertisement of a young professional looking woman. And below that was written, now when you travel, you don’t have to leave your life behind.
And then this woman, she was sitting in front of a computer and looking very lovingly at her pet dog. So your life is your pet dog. So this was a travel agency which provided special arrangements so that when you travel in an aeroplane, your dog can sit right next to you.
And when you go to a hotel, the hotel has special dog attendants who will take care of your dog. So wherever you travel, you travel with your dog. And the amount of money that people spend on dogs is phenomenal.
Most of you know that yoga is very popular in the West. Of course it is ironic that in India traditionally yoga was practised by male renunciates as a means for spiritual advancement, for transcending the world. But most of the yoga practitioners in the world, in the West, are young females who want to look slim and fit by practising yoga.
So the whole purpose, if you go for yoga classes, 90-95% of the participants are women. So yoga is very popular. So there is a new form of yoga which has come, which is called Doga.
Doga is yoga with dogs. You search on Google, you will find hundreds of pages of Doga. So the idea is you do everything with your dog.
So you also do yoga with your dog. So there are yoga teachers who train dogs to do yoga. And then there are yoga teachers who train you to do yoga with your dog.
So you can be happily together with your dog. So now, why is it that people are so wild for dogs? Actually, the Western culture and the Westernised culture, which is also coming to India, is a very commitment-averse culture. People don’t want to make commitments to any relationships.
And because of that there is an enormous lack of trust. So it’s less than 1 out of 25 marriages actually continue lifelong. Now among immigrants, Chinese, Americans and others, it’s fine.
They generally are committed to the marriage, but it’s very less. So because of that people just can’t trust each other. Because nobody commits themselves to any relationship.
And they feel I trust someone and that person betrays me. And then I trust somebody else and that person betrays me. And then if they try to have children, children also grow up and become rebellious because they can’t take care of children properly.
Children also are quite susceptible to social influences. So they feel that none of these social relationships, which traditionally give support to people, a sense of community, that is not there. So because of that, the same affection which people would traditionally repose towards their family members, now they repose towards their dogs.
And when they do this, some of these people are extremely intelligent. Some of the top scientists, top professors, top scholars, they all have their pet dogs. And they lavish a lot of attention on them because there is a lack of healthy relationships.
So people feel that a dog is a person who will never betray me. I can have a relationship with a dog and a dog will not betray me. And this disposition is not just out there in the world.
Sometimes we talk about carnies and we laugh at them. They are like this, they are like that. But we are also a part of the same culture.
So first time I went to America about few years ago, so I was quite surprised. I saw several devotees had also pet dogs. And there is one very senior Prabhupada disciple, who is a prominent leader in our movement, and whom very intelligent, whom I respect very much, he also has his pet dog, a big pet dog.
So then, I met him 4-5 times and this time I asked him, Now, Prabhu, you are already practising Krishna Bhakti, why do you need a dog? He told me, I need at least one person in my life who will love me non-judgementally. Who will love me non-judgementally. So, in the devotee community also, there can be, we have the purpose of loving Krishna and that alone will fulfil all our longing for love.
But, sometimes our spiritual practises and our understanding of spiritual standards can make us very judgemental about others. You are like this, you are like that. This is wrong, this is wrong.
This is irresponsible, this is selfish, this is this, this is that. And because of this judgemental dismissal of each other, people can’t open up. So, even in the devotee community, all of us go through different struggles at different times.
Struggles with our minds, struggle with our senses, struggle with our egos, and we need each other’s support. But when we become quick to label, this is attached, this is fallen, this is so egoistic, so proud, so arrogant, so this, so that. Then, one of the primary ways in which we are meant to show affection, Guhyam akhyati puchchati, that just can’t happen.
Guhyam akhyati puchchati means to have others speak their hearts confidentially and for us to hear and to enquire and to share. Now, if while sharing one’s heart, if we feel that the other person is going to judge me, label me, condemn me, then I can’t share my heart with him also. So, this is just a natural result when there is a lot of judgemental attitude.
Now, when we interact with each other, we all start with a combination of doubt and faith. How will this person treat me? What is the nature of this person? Will I be able to understand the person? It’s like when somebody opens a door in an area that is having high crime, then first they look through a people who is there, then they open the door with a small chain, and then if they see a trustworthy person, then they will open the door more and then the person can come in. So, like that, when we talk with each other, talk a few things and see how does this person respond.
And then, if we find that person is judging us, condemning us, then just shut the door. And when we shut the door like that, we feel, okay, now I won’t be judged, now I won’t be condemned. But the result is, we stay isolated.
We can be in a devotee community together physically, but our hearts may not be together at all. Our hearts may be very far away. So, this sort of loneliness or lack of emotional nourishment leads to various kinds of misdirections.
So, getting attracted and wanting to have affection for dogs, it’s one misdirection. Misdirection can go in various ways when our need for emotionally fulfilling reciprocations is not fulfilled. Now, when we talk about our emotions, how are we meant to deal with our emotions? Is it that when we become spiritual, that all our emotions are just meant to go away? Say, we should not feel angry, we should not feel… Sometimes things go wrong and we do feel angry.
So, what do we do at that time? We just wish away the anger, suppress the anger. In the Mahabharata, when Draupadi is dishonoured, Krishna intervenes in the form of an endless saree and saves her honour. However, nobody sees Krishna over there.
All that they see is just the saree not ending. And they think it is because of her chastity that Dharma has protected her. So, later on, when the Pandavas have been exiled, they are in the forest, Krishna comes to meet them.
At that time, Draupadi breaks down. She says, Krishna, you know, I am your friend, I am your relative, I am your devotee. I deserve your protection.
Why didn’t you come to help me when I was in such distress? Krishna doesn’t say at that time, My plan is perfect. How dare you question my plan? What does Krishna do? Krishna doesn’t take the position of God. There is a human expression of frustration.
And Krishna responds by saying, I am sorry, I didn’t know. There is a demon, Shalva, who would attack a kingdom. And I had to go and defend Dwaraka.
He is completely caught up in that. He said, if I had known, I would have come and not only prevented the dishonouring, I would have prevented the gambling match itself. But, nonetheless, O Draupadi, you are very honourable and your honour will be redeemed.
Your tears will not be in vain. So, Krishna’s tone is very understanding, very consoling, very empathic. In the Bhagavad Gita itself, when Arjuna says, The whole sixth chapter of the Bhagavad Gita is telling Arjuna to control the mind.
In 6.34, Arjuna says, What does Krishna say? Krishna doesn’t say that. Just have more discipline, have more willpower. Why are you so weak-minded? What does Krishna say in 6.35? Undoubtedly, O Arjuna, it is very difficult to control the mind.
It is restless, it is wild. So, Krishna is very understanding. People need to feel understood before they will understand.
When we are trying to communicate and somebody comes with a particular problem, they need to feel that we have understood their problem and if we understood the gravity, the nature of their problem, then when we give a solution, they will understand our solution. Suppose, a patient comes to a doctor and even before the patient starts describing the symptoms, the doctor starts prescribing, take this treatment, take this treatment, do this surgery, do this operation. Now, the patient will have no trust in the doctor, he won’t even know what I am doing.
Even if the doctor is expert enough, but still, the patient needs to feel understood because taking the treatment is not mandatory for the patient. The patient may go and say, I will take treatment from some other doctor. So, just giving the right treatment is not enough.
The doctor also has to give the patient the motivation to take the treatment and this is especially so when the treatment is difficult. I met one devotee who had severe cancer and he had to do chemotherapy, young devotee, probably, younger than most of us, 27-28 years old, brahmachari, got cancer and it was in UK. Then, actually speaking, not only him, but other devotees also, cancer patients, chemotherapy is actually a painful treatment.
It is pain that is required to treat pain and at that time, to continue the treatment, one requires more moral support. So, when patients are being treated, it’s not just their body that needs to be treated, it’s their mind also needs to be treated. Especially when the treatment is demanding, for them to stay committed to the treatment, they need to be emotionally supported and that’s why many hospitals nowadays are learning to give due attention to what they call as spiritual care.
Mostly, what they offer is emotional support. They call it spiritual care, but the point is that unless the patient feels reassured, that this will work, yes, this is painful, but that perseverance, yes, you are in pain, yes, I know, it’s painful, it’s difficult, but you have to continue it. So, understand the pain of the patient, understand the difficulty of the pain.
So, of course, the doctors themselves are very busy. Doctors cannot spend much time with the patients, but then they have other trained professionals. Many devotees in the West have become chaplains.
Chaplains are basically like religious guides or religious mentors associated with hospitals. So, those people who are in distress, they can say, yes, I would like to see a chaplain. They have a Hindu chaplain, a Muslim chaplain, a Christian chaplain and then as chaplains offer support, emotional support, spiritual support, basically moral encouragement.
And many surveys have shown that when the patient is in a positive frame of mind, the patient feels better. Not just that the patient takes treatment more diligently, but somehow the patient takes the treatment also, but is in a very resentful, hopeless, frustrated mood, then the treatment doesn’t work so well. The mind becomes a block for the medicine to act and heal the body.
So, similarly, the practise of bhakti is a treatment for the soul. And this is not an easy treatment. There are challenges in applying this treatment.
And especially to practise it lifelong is a huge challenge. Therefore, there are many times when the mind will become an obstacle, not just in terms of strong desires for this or that, but a wide variety of emotions can come in the mind which need to be dealt with. And we can’t just wish it away.
I’m feeling very angry that this devotee did like this to me. He shouldn’t feel angry. If you just go on a high moral practise, Oh Prabhu, we are meant to follow Amanina Manadena, Kirtaniya Sudahari.
Yes, okay. If we are to follow Amanina Manadena, don’t tell that devotee to be Amanina Manadena. You follow Amanina Manadena by honouring his emotions, by offering respect to the fact that he is feeling hurt right now.
So, just quoting shlokas at people and telling them you should be like this, you should be like that. It doesn’t work. Yes, we want to come to those standards, but we are not there yet.
So, the emotional side, we all go through different emotions at different times. And if we do not have good association, we do not have good friends who understand us and who help us to go through the difficulty that we are facing, then we will find that our mind is blocking our spiritual advancement. It says the mind can block the healing of the body.
Similarly, the mind can block the healing of the soul. So, emotions are, even if it is anger, even if it is greed, even if it is lust, even if it is pride, it is not just maya. Even if we say it is maya, what after that? It is there with me right now.
I am angry, you are in maya. Okay, but I am angry right now, what do I do? I have to deal with my anger. Just as we may have certain sensitivities with respect to the body.
Some of us may be very sensitive to cold. So, in cold, we need a lot of warm clothes. And we absolutely need warm water to take bath.
And we have to be very careful not to go into the cold air, otherwise we fall sick. So, initially, why are we so attached to the body? But sometimes afterwards we find we ourselves become, we have problems with the body and we understand that I cannot function like this. So, we have now come to a level where we understand that if a devotee has a particular kind of body, then they need to adjust.
Sometimes when we are chanting, some devotees need a fan, otherwise they just feel so agitated, that the sweatiness that distracts them from focussing on Krishna. Some other devotees say, you are focussing on Krishna, transcend the body. No, you can’t work like that.
We need a platform from which we can transcend the body. And if that platform itself is shaky, if you are told, okay, dance for kirtans. But if the floor is made of rotting wood, and any moment we are afraid that the wood will crack and we will fall down.
How much can we dance? We need a foundation that is stable. So, similarly, for some devotees, they may need a particular, they may be thermally sensitive, too cold or too warm doesn’t work for them. So, whatever is required, they take that.
Okay, you sit under a fan, I will not sit under a fan. You wear a sweater, you come and chant. So, just as physical needs are needed to be provided for so that the devotee can practise bhakti, similarly, emotional needs also need to be provided for.
So, if somebody feels hurt, somebody feels wronged, somebody feels that they have been discriminated against, then they have to have someone in their association with whom they can open their hearts. And we will not judge and condemn them, but we will understand them. Now, of course, we can’t just stay only in our mind because the mind will always have something to complain about.
This is wrong, that is wrong, that is wrong, this is like this, this is like this, this is like this. We do need to have a purpose unless we have a strong sense of purpose in our spiritual life. We will be at the mercy of our merciless mind.
To be at the mercy of the merciless mind means I will say, do this, do that, this is not right, that is not right, this is wrong, this is wrong. And we can just stay complaining even in devotee association. So, we need to have a sense of purpose.
What am I here for? Especially if we associate with devotees who have stayed for 15, 20, 30 years in the movement. At one level, some of them have become very advanced. But if some devotees have not got that sense of purpose, okay, I am here, I am meant to serve Krishna, I am meant to develop my relationship with Krishna.
Now, that is the life’s ultimate purpose. We want to develop love for Krishna and attain Krishna. But what is my purpose along the way? What service am I meant to do? How am I meant to do that service? So, we all need some sense of purpose.
We talk of souls lost in the material world, wandering here and there. There are many souls who are lost in the Krishna consciousness movement also. You hear this class and you try this out, you hear that class and try that out.
You hear this gossip, this devotee is very bad, you hear that gossip, that devotee is very bad. And then, they are just buffeted by the waves. Now, Krishna’s movement is also very big.
And we can just get lost in Krishna’s movement and stay away from Krishna while being externally in the movement. So, we, especially in the formative years of our spiritual life, we have a discipline, we have some authorities who tell, do this service, do that service. And that is very valuable because that gives us a sense of orientation, a sense of guidance.
And as we move forwards, each of us has to find some service that we can do. This is what I am going to do. And that sense of purpose helps us to tolerate the mind’s incidental problems.
So, here I have moved to a different point. One point I said is that when the mind is feeling some emotions, they have to be acknowledged, they can’t be wished away. If I am feeling hurt, I need someone to talk with and that person understands me and then I feel unburdened and then I move on.
So, that is one point. The other point I am saying is that we can just get caught in our mind’s hurt. This is wrong, that is wrong, that is wrong.
And if we are not to get caught in that, we need a sense of purpose. Okay, this is what I am going to do. And for doing this, I am ready to face difficulties.
It’s like, say, if you are travelling in a crowded local. Now, we are in that local and somebody pushes us in this direction. Somebody pushes us in that direction.
Somebody pushes us in that direction. So, what do we do at that time? If we know, okay, I have to go for this programme, this is an important programme. Now, okay, this local drive is on for 30 minutes.
So, 30 minutes, I will tolerate. And then, even if somebody pushes us in one direction, even if that person is too strong and we can’t push back, we just move a little bit aside and then we find our space and move on. And then eventually we get to the destination, fine.
We get to the destination and move on. We are able to tolerate it. But suppose, we are in the local, which is crowded, being pushed here and there, and we have no destination.
Then, even a slight push, how dare you push me like this? Then we may start quarrelling, we may start fighting, we may start grumbling, we may start feeling sorry for ourselves. There is a phrase in English called pity party. Pity party means, you know, party people enjoy.
You know, party, they drink or they eat or they dance or whatever. Pity party means, the people come together and they all start complaining how bad life is. So, you know, I feel sorry for myself and you feel sorry for yourself and somebody else feel sorry for themselves and all of them have a pity party.
And at the end of it, everybody is just convinced, you know. The whole world is so bad. Okay, what about me? What am I supposed to do about it? It’s just we can value in our emotions.
So, we need a sense of purpose. This is what I want to do in my life. And I am here to serve Krishna, that is my ultimate goal.
But along with that ultimate goal, I need some short term goals, I need some medium term goals. I need some long term goals. Okay, I want to give my life to Krishna.
Wonderful, but what does it mean? Right now, I want to study Krishna’s words. Okay, in the next one year, I will study the Bhagavad Gita systematically. In the next two years, I will complete the Bhagavad Gita.
Or now, in the next six months, I will learn this script. In the next one year, I will become a pujari. Or I will learn pinching, I will learn the distribution.
We all have to set some goals for ourselves. By which we get a sense of purpose. Otherwise, we just get caught.
The mind can use buffers. Beat us like this, beat us like that, beat us like that. So, the balance situation is we acknowledge our emotions.
But we don’t just act according to our emotions. So, I talk first about not acknowledging the emotions only. Pretending as if everything is alright.
And not talking with anyone at all. Because we think all emotions are maya. Even if they are maya, for me right now, this is how I am.
What do I do? So, acknowledging the emotions is one thing. But acting on the emotions means we will not get anywhere. So, we acknowledge the emotions, but we don’t necessarily act on the emotions.
And what do we do? Usually, we think of our emotions in two terms. Either expressing of emotions or repressing of emotions. But there is a third option.
It is processing of emotions. Processing means that, ok, I am feeling angry right now. This emotion is there.
But I use my intelligence to observe, to analyse. In the following chapter of the Bhagavad Gita, when Krishna talks about the three modes of material nature, Arjuna asks, how do we transcend the modes? In 14.21 he says, He asks three questions. What are the characteristics of a person who has transcended the modes? Linga means characteristics.
Kimachara. The first linga is more about internal characteristics. How does a person respond internally to the fluctuations caused by the modes? Kimachara refers to how does this person behave externally.
And how does one go beyond the three modes? So, this is 14.21. Three questions are there in it. And these questions are answered in the next five verses. So, 22 and 23 answer the question.
What are the characteristics internally of a person? 24 and 25 are kimachara. How does a person behave? And 26 is katham chaitams. How does one transcend the modes? So, in 14.22 and 23 Krishna says, गुण्यो नविच्यायते गुणावर्तन्दित्येव योवति शुष्ठतिनेंगते प्रकाश्यम्च प्रवृत्तिम्च मोहं एव च पाण्डव So, he uses three words.
प्रकाश्य, प्रवृत्ति and मोह These are shorthand terms which Krishna uses to refer to सत्वगुण, रजोगुण and तम्मगुण. Earlier in 14.11 to 14.13, Krishna has described the three modes and he says, these are the characters. सरद्वारेशु देहेस्मि प्रकाश्यम्पजायते ज्यानं यदात दाविद्यात विवृत्धं सत्वमित्युत He says, when there is illumination within and without then that is the characteristics of the mode of goodness.
प्रवृत्ति means there is passion to do tricks. I have to do this, I have to do that, I have to do that. लोभः प्रवृत्तिरारंभः कर्मणामशमस्प्रुह सेतानि जायन्ते विवृत्धे भरतर्षभ That passion is in the mode of vigour.
I have to do this, I have to do that, I have to do that, I have to do that. So that is in the mode of passion. In the mode of ignorance is अप्रकाश्यो अप्रवृतिष्च माधो मोहे वच्च तमस्ये तानि जायन्ते विवृत्धे कुर्णन्दन So there is neither illumination, अप्रकाश्यो, nor is there proper action.
अप्रवृतिष्च, what is there more? Simply delusion. So I put it this way that mode of goodness means there is contemplation first and action later. Mode of passion means there is action first and contemplation later.
Some people speak to express their thoughts. Some people speak to discover their thoughts. They speak, I shouldn’t have spoken that.
They have a slip of the tongue. So, that is, this contemplation and action is goodness. प्रकाश्यो, should I speak this, should I do this or not? A kind of illumination is there within.
I have to do something. I shouldn’t have done it afterwards. So that action first and contemplation later is passion.
And neither contemplation nor action. Simply imagination. Just living in the head, not doing anything at all.
Going along wherever the mind is taking. That is illusion. That is the mode of ignorance.
So Krishna is saying in 14.22 that प्रकाश्यम्च प्रवृत्तिम्च बोहमेवच पाण्डव So these fluctuations of the modes will happen. द्वेश्टिसं प्रवृत्तानि नलिवृत्तानि कांशति Sometimes we just feel apathetic. I just don’t feel like doing anything.
Just feel tired, feel apathetic, feel just depressed. Yes, this feeling is there. It will come, it will go.
We don’t resent it when it comes. And we don’t crave for it when it goes. Sometimes we feel very clear-headed.
Now I can study, I can analyse, now I can understand, now I can feel like chanting. But after that feeling has gone, what to do? We don’t crave for it. Oh, now I lost it, what to do? No.
Be an observer of your emotions. उदासीन वदासीनम् In a detached way, observe what is going on. This emotion is coming, this emotion is going.
गुणईर्यो नविचाल्यते In this way one doesn’t become disturbed by the emotions. कुनावर्तन्तित्येव योवतिष्ठतिनेगते Understand that this is not my emotion. This is just the fluctuation of the mode that is causing these emotions to come.
So one observes as if detached. One cannot be entirely detached. In English there are two words uninterested and disinterested.
Uninterested means one who has no interest in the subject only. Disinterested means one who has no selfish interest. One who is impartial.
So for example, if there is a cricket match. In the cricket match there is an umpire. The umpire needs to be disinterested, not uninterested.
There is an appeal for leg before wicket. And the players are like, how’s that, how’s that? The umpire says, I didn’t watch the match. What are you doing as an umpire then? You are watching the action.
So the umpire has to be interested in what is happening. But the umpire cannot be interested in the sense of having a selfish interest. I want this team to win, so all the team’s appeals I will give yes.
And all the opposite team’s appeals I will give no. You cannot do like that. You have to be detached in the sense that objectively observe.
So Krishna says when we become an observer of our emotions, then we won’t identify with them. And then these emotions come, go, we will stay detached. And then he talks about how with this detachment, so Krishna is not saying we will not feel like this.
We will feel lazy sometimes. What am I doing in my life? I have to do something. I just want to study scripture.
There are so many things running around. Who will do all this? We will go through different emotions. But we observe.
And then what do we do? There is, in the yoga literature, the way to deal with the raga and vivesh of the mana, the attachment of the mind is called to develop the sakshi bhava. Sakshi bhava means to become an observer. Just observe.
Don’t identify with it. Identify it. Don’t identify with the anger but identify the anger.
Not that I am becoming angry. Emotion of anger is coming in my mind now. So one simple way to do it is that I am angry now.
Instead of that, the mind is saying I am angry now. If you can just do this, just put that the mind is saying I am bored. The mind is saying I am bored.
Should I believe it? I don’t need to believe it. So whenever any emotion which is unfavourable comes in, just preface it with the mind is saying. And for that we need to study scripture regularly to understand that the mind is saying.
Now sakshi bhava is good but bhakti goes beyond that. Krishna does talk about sakshi bhava in 14.22 and 23. Then he answers the question, in 14.24 and 25 and then in 14.26, he goes beyond the sakshi bhava to the seva bhava.
How does one transcend the modes when Krishna asks? When Arjuna asks to Krishna, Krishna replies that in 26 words. Which is that by becoming fixed in the practise of bhakti, one can transcend the modes. So how does one become fixed? I talked earlier about the sense of purpose.
When we have a purpose. This is what I want to do in my life. This is what I have given my life for.
So whatever we do in life, anything important, anything worthwhile, the mind is going to oppose us. Suppose we wanted to work in a high paying job and become very successful in our career. It’s not that the mind is peacefully going to cooperate.
That time the mind will trouble us. Whatever we do, the mind will trouble us. Some amount of control of the mind is required for doing anything.
I will conclude with one point. Recently I was asked this question. We say that chanting will help us to control the mind.
But to chant we need to control the mind. So how does it work? First we tell, oh your mind will become peaceful by chanting. So chant Hare Krishna.
That’s what we tell new people. But then while chanting we find my mind is going here, going there. What do I do? So I realise if my mind is uncontrolled, I can’t chant.
So how does this work? The point is that to do anything in life, we need control of the mind. Even if somebody wants to enjoy watching a cricket match. If they are watching a cricket match and some WhatsApp message comes up, something comes up on Facebook, somebody else talks something, something else is going on some other channel.
They can’t even enjoy a cricket match. If somebody is studying for an exam, even if they like that subject, still the mind will distract. They can’t study unless they have some level of control of the mind.
So to do anything in life we need control of the mind. Similarly to practise bhakti we need control of the mind. But the difference between bhakti and other activities is that bhakti purifies the mind.
Studying any mundane subject is not going to purify us. Bhakti connects us with Krishna. And he is all pure.
pavitranam pavitram yo bandhanam chamangalam So he is the purest of all pure. He is the most auspicious of all auspicious beings. So with whatever little mind control we have, we try to focus on practising bhakti determinately.
And this effort will give big returns. If I have to lift a 50 kg weight, it’s difficult. But if I have a lever, and I use the lever to lift it, even with the lever I have to put in effort.
Without the effort I will not be able to lift it. But if I have proper lever, I will have to put maybe one-tenth of the effort that I would have to put earlier. So by putting the effort required to lift a 5 kg weight, with a proper lever I can lift 50 kg weight.
So similarly for us, the effort that we put in controlling the mind and focussing on Krishna, if we do it determinately, that will purify us. And the result will be that the impure forces within the mind, Krishna says there are three main forces. Vita, Raga, Bhaya, Krodha.
That desire, anger and fear. These are the three main things which cause the mind to go wild. I want this, I want that, I want that, I want that.
What if this goes wrong? What if this goes wrong? What if that goes wrong? How could he have done that? How dare this happen? Why? So desire, fear and anger. Raga, Bhaya, Krodha. These are the three forces that drive our mind mad.
And Krishna says, when we fix the mind on him, Vita, Raga, Bhaya, Krodha, Manmaya, Maa, Mupashyuta, Bahavo, Gyan, Tapasa, Puta, Madh, Bhava, Magata. If you fix your mind on me and take shelter of me, then many in the past have become freed from Raga, Bhaya and Krodha. And they have attained me.
How has this happened? Krishna uses the word, Puta, Bahavo, Gyan, Tapasa. By the austerity of knowledge. So we need to have the proper knowledge to understand how the process of Bhakti works.
With that knowledge when we practise Bhakti, then it will purify us. So with the sense of purpose, we will have challenges when we are trying to serve. But the effort we have to put in and the rewards we get, a purified mind, absorbed in Krishna, and the result of that is far, far greater than what the effort is required in other fields and the rewards we get from that.
So by learning to have Sakshi Bhava, and then connecting that Sakshi Bhava, so that we develop our Seva Bhava. Okay, this emotion is coming. Okay, this emotion is coming.
I acknowledge it, but I don’t act on it. Like this is happening. Okay, analyse it.
How can I deal with this? I talk with this devotee. I read this section of scripture. I pray to Krishna.
I introspect. I use my intelligence to reason. And then my purpose is to serve Krishna.
So I move on that service. In that way, we can learn to deal with our emotional needs in a way that it doesn’t come in the way of our spiritual growth, but it helps us to grow spiritually. I’ll summarise what I spoke today.
I started by speaking about how when our emotional needs are not taken care of, then we become very lonely and superficial in our practise of life. In the western world, because there is no culture of commitment, so people don’t have trust in their relationship. And that’s why they direct their affection.
in an excessive way towards dogs. They spend lavishly on dogs. They even try to do doga with dogs.
And even the devotee community, if we are quick to judge and label others, then the judgemental attitude causes people to close the door of their hearts. And then they feel lonely. And then this judgemental attitude prevents us from following the limb of bhakti of sharing our heart’s confidentiality with each other.
When this emotional need is to be taken care of, we have to understand that emotions cannot be simply dismissed as maya. Krishna did not question Draupadi or condemn Draupadi. How dare you question my freedom? Krishna understood her emotions and acknowledged them and consoled her.
Arjuna, when he said the mind is very difficult to control, Krishna didn’t say, oh, you just lack one power. People need to feel understood before they become ready to understand. Just as if there is a difficult treatment to be given, like a treatment of chemotherapy and cancer, we just don’t need to give the right treatment, which an oncologist will give.
But often emotional support is required so that the patient will persevere in that treatment. Similarly, the treatment of bhakti yoga for curing our bhava roga, our material existence, is a difficult treatment. And to go on in that treatment lifelong, we have to ensure that our mind doesn’t become an obstacle, our emotions don’t come in the way.
So we acknowledge our emotions. Yes, this is how I am feeling. And we need a safe zone of trusted devotee friends in whom we can express our emotions without being judged and condemned.
And then, just because we acknowledge the emotion doesn’t mean we act on them. Because the mind will just drive us mad. Do this, do this, do that, do that.
And we will end up having a pity party. Where? No, everyone is bad. Life is so unfair, I feel so sorry for myself.
That will not get us anywhere. So we don’t have to act on our emotions. And to prevent us from acting on our emotions, we need to have a higher purpose to our life.
Purpose means, if there is an inconvenience of travelling in a crowded local, the purpose is that, I am going to this important meeting and I want to get there in 30 minutes. That helps us to tolerate. So that purpose is what we need to have very strongly in a practical sense in our spiritual life.
Not just the ultimate purpose of wanting to love Krishna, but practically what am I going to do to develop my love for Krishna. So, there can be lost souls in the material world and there can be lost souls in Krishna consciousness movement also. If we don’t have, say, short term purpose, intermediate purpose, long term purpose, which helps us to achieve our ultimate purpose in life.
So, the balance between acknowledging our emotions, but not acting on them, is that we learn to not repress or express, but process our emotions. So, for processing, I talk first about the Sakshi Bhava. Observe the emotions.
Goodness means, there is first contemplation, then action. In passion, there is first action and then contemplation. And ignorance, neither of contemplation nor action, simply imagination.
Yes, this is wrong, that is wrong, that is wrong, like that. So, when these modes affect us, we identify them, but don’t identify with them. Okay, this has come, this will be there, for some time it will go.
So, we become like an umpire, who is interested, but not attached. And then we observe our emotions and evaluate them in merit. It’s not that every appeal has to be rejected, or it’s not that every appeal has to be accepted.
The appeal has to be evaluated in merit. Like that, if we consider the emotions to be like appeals, we become like the umpires, which evaluate the emotion on merit. And then respond appropriately to it.
And then, I have included, Akshri Bhava has to culminate in Seva Bhava. When we have a strong sense of purpose for serving Krishna, and with that purposefulness, whatever emotions come, whatever we do in life, be it material or spiritual, it’s difficult. We have to struggle to control the mind.
But, in Bhakti, when we control the mind, Bhakti is like a lever, which helps us to lift a huge weight. So, with the effort that we put in, we get far greater returns. We become purified and elevated.
And ultimately, we become satisfied through our absorption in Krishna. Thank you very much. Are there any questions or comments? Okay.
Can you speak? I’ll repeat. Speak now. Many times, we hear such classes on understanding.
But, there are many people who listen to us. Because, we find that, day to day, today, anywhere in the world, we face different nature of people. And, we definitely find, many times, their response in terms… Or, their attitude doesn’t… I mean, we always have different attitudes.
And, this negativity, these emotions, we carry ourselves. Because, it is very obvious, when we come in contact with the people, they will have different responses. And, many times, they will hurt us.
This is very often. So, as I said that, this nature definitely has certain impact on us. But, after some time, we find we are in the same world.
How do we come out of that? So, after hearing classes, we feel inspired. But, in the real world, people have their natures and they will hurt us. So, what do we do? Yes.
There is a British thinker, Oscar Wilde. He said that, some people bring happiness, wherever they go. And, some people bring happiness, whenever they go.
You understood what I said? Some people… It may be different for… A. This person is such a burden. That person comes, everybody becomes tense. Now, this person is going to criticise this, criticise that.
That person goes… Feel relieved. But, that same person whom we find as a burden, somebody else we find as a blessing. Oh, he is a nice person.
This person is helping me. So, we all will have in our life both categories of people. Some people’s association we look forward to.
And, some people’s association which we dread. So, the challenge is that we shouldn’t have… Just be caught in one alone. If we expect, oh, you know, there should be always loving people around me.
It should be a society of ideal people. There is no society of ideal people in this material world. If at all there were some society like this, we wouldn’t get admitted in it.
Because, we are not ideal. So, to expect that everybody will be loving and caring, that is unrealistic. But, to go into the other extreme, where nobody is loving and caring, everybody is judgemental, condemning, that is unbearable.
So, we have to take the responsibility to find the first kind of association which will help us to heal the wounds that will be caused by the second kind of association. Some people will just by their nature hurt us. And, we don’t necessarily have to work with them to hurt ourselves.
But, sometimes the nature of surveys, the nature of circumstances puts us with those people. When you travel the world over, you will see that everywhere there are these problems. So, there are people like that, just the way people are.
So, we have to take the responsibility to find association which we can connect with. And, there is that kind of association. Quite often, people who like us, people who respect us, people who connect with us, we just take them for granted.
And, we don’t pay attention to them. And, we just try to make things right or try to please someone who is never going to be pleased with us. So, we are getting love and affection from somewhere.
But, we neglect that and we obsess over somewhere where we are never going to get love and affection. So, that’s how we end up hurting ourselves. So, others can hurt us.
But, it is by our misdirected focus that we let others’ wounds hurt us more than necessary. Last year, when I was in America, just before a class, I got a mail from one devotee in India. I was so angry with that mail.
And, I gave the class. And, after that class, one devotee was talking with me. Sometimes, once you start practising and speaking for some time, you understand.
Some people, they ask questions to gain knowledge. And, some people ask questions to show knowledge. So, then, if there are some people like that, then, you just learn to avoid them.
Just finish it off and move on to other people who are more interested. So, as I was just ending this conversation with this person, it struck me. This person is right next to me.
But, I am not ready to give this person more time than necessary. Now, that person is in India, hundreds of miles away. And, why am I giving that person my time and my thought and my mind? Why did he do like that? How could he have spoken like this? It’s not worth my time and my thought.
When I have to interact with that person, I deal with that person at that time. But, right now, I am not required. So, sometimes, we obsess on trying to please someone who is very difficult to please.
And, we neglect those with whom we are getting reciprocation. So, we just have to change our focus. We will all be hurt.
It’s just unavoidable. That’s the nature of the material world. But, we all will also be helped.
So, focus on those who are helping us. Focus on those with whom we can connect with. And, yes, those who are hurting us, they may also have good intentions.
And, we can learn from them also. But, sometimes, the way they teach may not be palatable for us. It may end up scarring us more than healing us.
So, then, okay, we keep a distance from them. Just do what is required of them and move on in our life. So, thank you very much.