Balancing forgiveness and justice 2 – What forgiveness isn’t and what it is
Disclaimer: This transcript was generated using AI and may contain occasional errors or inaccuracies.
I spoke about forgiving and I said forgiving is not trusting. Forgiveness is for the past, trust is for the future. Forgiving is not forgetting.
Forgetting is often not possible because this emotional scar is for real and forgiving is sometimes not advisable because we have to learn from the experience also. But when you say forgive and forget, it is more in terms of just move on in life. Forget is not press a delete button in the memory.
And forgiving is not condoning. It is not minimizing the hurt or justifying the, minimizing the, trivializing our hurt or minimizing the wrong that has happened. If we have been hurt, we have to acknowledge the hurt and then move forward to rectify it.
So, what is forgiving? Forgiving eternally means we give up the resentful, revengeful mentality. The resentful mentality just simply causes friction within us. Like driving a car, full gas and full brakes.
So, we just don't get anywhere. And being revengeful is like holding a coal to hit at someone. It burns us more than it burns others.
And even if we succeed in being revengeful, still the result is revengefulness becomes our disposition. And then we find some other wrong to seek revenge of. And that is how we stay.
We don't get relief after seeking revenge. And why should we forgive? We discussed. First is, it is for our emotional and physical health.
Second is, because we all commit mistakes and we want others to forgive us, we should also forgive others. Third is that sometimes those misplaced expectations will cause frustration. If somebody is doing something wrong, it is just because they are desensitized, not because they are insensitive.
And best to acknowledge that they may not be able to learn this. So, we compliment. You do this, I will do this and we move on in life.
So, also we can forgive considering that this person is giving me, is an instrument of my past karma. So, when you say somebody is just giving us a past karma, then all that it means is, that helps us accept why they are there in our life. That doesn't mean we are approving what they are doing.
How to respond? That we have to decide. In a car, we don't have to push. In a train, we don't have to push back at people who are pushing at us.
I missed our destination. So, tolerate small things. Tolerate means keep small things small.
So, we can focus on big things. But the big thing is to grow towards Krishna. And if that itself is being interrupted, like the person pushing us out of the car, train, then we have to take a stand.
And then I talked about, through the past time of Draupadi and Krishna, that when some devotee hurts us, then what do we do? We see that whatever devotion or whatever guidance, wisdom, affection they offered us, Krishna is offering it to them. And we would like to reciprocate with them. But if they are not reciprocating right now, then we have to find some other way to move onward towards Krishna.
Sometimes trying to please some people can become a disease to please. And it may just not work. So, that relationship may work at a reasonable, at some distance.
And there are other people with whom we may have much more fulfilling reciprocation. So, focus on that, rather than trying in vain to please a difficult person. And sometimes, just as Draupadi had to turn away from her husband to turn towards Krishna, sometimes, even in the devotee community, some people have given us shelter.
May be we have to turn away from them to take shelter of Krishna. Some people lead us towards Krishna by the hand. Some people kick us towards Krishna.
And sometimes the same person was initially leading and now they may kick us also. So, whatever it is, if we keep our purpose of moving towards Krishna, ensure that no relationship becomes independent of Krishna more important than our relationship with Krishna, then that priority on connecting with Krishna will give us the inner guidance about how best to move forward in our life, when to forgive and when to seek justice. Thank you very much.
Hare Krishna.