Can excessive forgiveness lead to weakness?
There is too much of forgiveness creates weakness. See forgiveness can take different forms. On my website thespiritualscientist.com is a full article on Is Forgiveness Practical? So broadly there are three situations.
There can be many multiplicities in this but three broad possibilities. One is that somebody has done something wrong and it's a one-off incident. And then we forgive and we forget.
And we move on. So that is just a mistake that they made and we move on in the relationship. The other is that we forgive but we still have to check whether that person has rectified.
So sometimes we equate forgiveness and trust. The two are not the same thing. See forgiveness is for the past.
Trust is for the future. Forgiveness is something which can be given. But trust has to be earned.
Somebody has done something terribly wrong. Then we may forgive them for the wrong. But that does not mean that we automatically bring them to the same level of closeness which we had earlier.
They might hurt us again. So trust is something which they have to earn by their actions. So when we forgive that means I will not hold the past against you.
But still whether you are trustworthy or not your actions will show. So that is first forgive and forget means that chapter is over. And we bring back the relationship to the healthy level.
But there is forgiveness but not trusting. That is where we wait and watch how does this person behave. Is this person really changing? That person may have said I want to change, may have apologized.
But how serious are they about their actions? So certain amount of distance, greater distance may be kept in that time. Because as I said trust has to be earned. And then in some situations it may just be that a person has no intention to change.
And then we may have to take the necessary actions. So we may just cut off the relationship. See Krishna was in the position of Kshatriya.
As a Kshatriya he had the administrative, legal power. And he took assertive action against Krishna or other demons also. So that is what may be required in certain situations.
But in our individual relationships we may just decide let us finish this off. So sometimes some wrongdoings may be so grievous that somebody may decide to take some legal actions or whatever. That is also fine.
Forgiveness as an action and forgiveness as an emotion. They are two different things. Forgiveness as an action means that whatever it is I will not hold this against you.
And you are forgiven. Let's get the relationship back to normal. If somebody has robbed us and the next time again we give our money to them.
That's foolishness. That's foolishness. They have robbed us and we can't trust them at that time.
And if somebody has a tendency to do that repeatedly then we just have to end the relationship. So even then we can do that even if we have to take action against them. We can do that with a non-resentful attitude.
So forgiveness as an emotion means that our agenda is not to get even with them. Our agenda, our purpose is more to protect others from them. And eventually actually protect them also from themselves.
Whatever actions they are going to do, they are going to get the karmic reactions for that in the future. So they have hurt us and we don't want them to go and hurt others also. So we may take actions against them.
So Krishna tells Arjuna to fight in the Kurukshetra war. In the 11th chapter 33rd verse he says, Krishna says, I have become the instrument, you fight and kill your enemies. I will ensure that you win.
And in the same chapter 22 verses later in 11.55 Krishna says, Krishna says, Don't have any animosity towards anyone. So Krishna is telling Arjuna fight. But he is not, he is telling Arjuna don't have animosity.
Don't fight to take revenge against the Pandavas. Sorry, against the Kauravas. Fight to establish Dharma.
The two are very different motives. Throughout the Bhagavad Gita Krishna is telling Arjuna to fight. But Krishna doesn't even once talk about any of the atrocities that the Kauravas had performed.
His motive is not that Arjuna should fight to get even, to take revenge. His motive is that you are a Kshatriya, your duty is to establish Dharma. And fight to establish Dharma.
So we may also sometimes take strong action against someone. But that is not out of agenda to get even or get back. It is to establish Dharma, to protect that person from hurting others as they have hurt us.
And to protect them from themselves also. So with that motive if we are acting, then the action may not seem forgiving, but in intention we are forgiving. Does it answer your question? So this perpetually forgiving is not a, is we are setting ourselves up for hurt.
So we have to intelligently choose whether to forgive and forget or whether to forgive and withhold trust or forgive and take corrective action.